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Before the outbreak, way before his father died and Merle went off to join the army, Daryl never actually thought he'd ever be accepted for who he is. Between his father and brother, he couldn't very well admit that he prefered guys over girls, so he never said a word. He actually thought he had gotten away with it, until his brother walked in on him and some neighbor boy. The army didn't exactly condone its soldiers nearly killing a fifteen year old boy, so Merle ended up dishonorably discharged and with a six year prison stint.
After that, Daryl staved off dating. He ignored the scathing comments Merle made at his expense, kept his head down, and just went along with his brother's schemes so he didn't have to relive his first and last sexual experience. It actually worked for several years, until Rick Grimes walked into his life. The thing is, Daryl has been in love with Rick for a while. It just took him a year and a half to figure it out.
The first time Daryl actually figured it out, Rick was looking him right in the eyes and telling him he needed Daryl. It had just gotten worse when he chose Merle over Rick and the others. After years of ignoring his feelings towards any male he found remotely attractive, it was a bit overwhelming to have this sudden onslaught of emotions flood his body. It also made him wonder just what in the hell he was going to do about it.
Damn near six years later, and those feelings haven't gone away. In fact, they've just gotten stronger, and he still hasn't figured out what to do. His best plan, so far, is to just ignore them and hope Rick never, ever finds out. It'd be easier if Maggie hadn't guessed, the young woman cornering him in his cell and bluntly asking, "Are you in love with Rick?"
What followed was a lot of stammering and frustration as Daryl tried to get her to keep her mouth shut. He didn't need his dirty laundry spread out for everyone to see, and really it wasn't any of her damn business. That's about the time Carol interrupted them, and that's how both Maggie and Carol found out the biggest secret Daryl had been keeping since his brother walked in on him and that neighbor boy.
Eventually they agree to keep it to themselves, Maggie taking a bit more persuading than Carol, and Daryl spends the next few days paranoid that somehow Rick found out and was trying to find a way to let him down easily. But the two women kept their word, Rick was none the wiser, and Daryl continued to live with his secrets. Until Judith asked him to play a game with her.
Lil' Asskicker had grown up too quickly in Daryl's opinion. He remembers when she had been small enough to easily fit in his arms, how her tiny hands would reach up and tug at his hair while she gave him a big, toothless grin. He remembers her first words, her first steps, and the first time she ran into the edge of the table and split her head open. Glenn told him, after Hershel had looked Judith over and patched her up, that he wasn't sure who looked more worried: Rick or Daryl.
Judith looks a lot like her mother, with her dark hair and fair skin, but her eyes are bright blue, like Rick's. Daryl's noticed that a lot, how many things she and Rick share. She inherited his smile, his nose, his curly hair. He once heard Beth complaining about how hard it was to run a brush through Judith's hair, and she had goodnaturedly joked that it's all Rick's fault. But out of all the things she's inherited from her father, the major one is Daryl's inability to say no to her.
He's standing in the kitchen, nursing a cup of weak, instant coffee, smirking as he watches Carl and Glenn try to figure out how to play the Mancala game that Beth had dug out of an old, rotted Hope Chest a few days ago. Daryl's aunt, before she died, taught him and his cousin Eddy how to play, but he's having too much fun watching their failed attempt to actually help them.
Daryl feels someone tug on his shirt, and he looks down to see Judith standing next to him. She smiles up at him, her front two teeth still missing, and says, "Whatcha doing?"
"Watchin' two idiots," Daryl jests, snorting when Glenn and Carl yell, "Hey!"
"Wanna play a game?" Judith rocks back and forth on her heels, looking expectantly at Daryl. He ignores the grins on Carl's and Glenn's faces, squinting down at Judith, and she pouts. He feels his resolve crack, setting his mostly empty mug down, and Judith beams, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the room. "Beth told me a story last night," she tells him excitedly, practically running towards her cell, "about this knight who saves a princess from an evil dragon."
"And ya want me ta be the dragon?"
"No, silly Daryl. I'm the dragon," Judith answers pulling him into her cell. "You gets to be the pretty princess."
Daryl really needs to learn how to say no to this girl, but he hears himself agree and she instructs him to sit down in the prison (the prison being her cot) while she keeps the knight from saving him. Daryl sits down, deciding to play along, and says in a high pitched voice, "Oh, big scary dragon!" Judith giggles, trying to stifle them with her hands. "Please! Let me go!"
"Never!" she exclaims with a fake roar, jumping on him. "You're my prisoner now!"
"Oh, whatever will I do?" Daryl notices Rick watching him and Judith, and his face flushes. It's not exactly the most mortifying things Rick's seen him do, he still gets flashbacks of Judith's makeup phase, but he's still playing a pretty princess while Judith pretends to be a dragon holding him hostage. Rick could have picked a better time to show up.
Judith, who's five and could give a shit less what anyone thinks of her, spots Rick and bounds off her bed, stalking towards her father. Her hands are bent like claws, she's mock growling, and it's the cutest damn thing Daryl has ever seen. It's times like these he wished Glenn hadn't lost his camera.
"Are you here to save the princess?" Judith demands, trying to seem taller than her three-feet-four-inches.
Rick's not even attempting to hide his smile when he says, "I guess I am."
"You'll have to get through me." Judith roars again, running in a half circle as she pretends to fly. "I am a dan'erous dragon!" She picks up an old, red beanbag from off the floor, throwing it at her father, yelling, "I blow fire at you!"
When it hits Rick hand, he pretends to have been harmed, hissing and waving it back and forth as he says, "You burned my hand." Daryl tries to hide his smirk, but he knows Rick catches it when the other man shrugs, his face clearly saying 'she's a kid, what can I do?' The archer understands perfectly and doesn't say anything. Judith deserves to have some semblance of a childhood.
"HA!" Judith scoops the beanbag up off the floor again, intending to throw it at Rick a second time, but her father rushes her, grabbing at her sides and she breaks into a fit of giggles.
"Have I won?"
"N-never." Rick digs into her side again and she laughs harder, her eyes streaming with tears. "Fine!" she shouts, hiccupping. "You win!"
"My hero," Daryl drawls before he can stop himself, softly laughing when Rick gives him a mock glare. He gets to his feet, intending to go and relive Tyreese from watch a little earlier than usual, but he stops when Judith calls his name.
Daryl turns, patiently asking, "What?"
"You're a'pposed to kiss," she says innocently and Daryl feels his stomach drop to somewhere near his feet. His eyes automatically dart to Rick, panic squeezing his heart. This cannot be happening. This is not happening. He should leave, get away from this cell, go relieve Tyreese, but his feet won't cooperate.
"Jude..." Rick starts looking down at his daughter, his tone giving nothing away. It's a little frustrating; at least if he sounded disgusted, Daryl could have shrugged it off and moved on. But he doesn't sound disgusted, or intrigued for matter. He sounds like a father humoring his daughter and that's even worse.
"Beth says the knight and princess kiss after the knight saves her. You saved Daryl, Daddy. You should kiss him."
"I'm sure Daryl..."
Daryl doesn't even realize he's moving until he's standing directly in front of Rick. He presses his lips to the ex-lawman's, the kiss half-assed, and he breaks it before Rick can push him away. Without a backwards glance, Daryl storms away, feeling Rick's eyes on the back of his burning neck, trying to push down the despair in his chest at the prospect of losing his best friend.
What the hell was he thinking?
Daryl is not avoiding Rick. He's not avoiding the other man because that's high school shit and Daryl hasn't been in high school for over twenty years. He's been busy doing things around the prison, like he always does. So what if he's volunteered for nightwatch the past few nights, is he not allowed to help out the group, and yeah, when he saw Rick coming towards the guard tower the other day, maybe he decided he should go check the snares and asked Glenn to take watch. So what? It isn't anyone's business but Daryl's what he does and does not do in his spare time.
Maggie is waiting for him in the guard tower that night, sitting against the wall with her rifle laying next to her, a pair of binoculars around her neck. She offers him a small smile when he enters through the door, and he stops, staring at her.
"I told ya I was takin' watch," he says gruffly, fiddling with the strap on his crossbow.
"You did," she agrees nodding her head. "But I thought you could use the company."
"Don' need it," he grunts lowering himself in the rickety lawnchair they kept in the corner, putting his crossbow down next to his feet. "Ya can go away now."
"Look, did you and Rick have a fight or something?"
"Ya know what," Daryl starts shoving himself to his feet, "ya can take watch. 'm kinda tired." Before she can say anything else, Daryl has already left the guard tower, letting the door slam shut behind him. He leans his head against the door, breathing through his nose. He needs to get a hold of himself. So he kissed Rick, it's not a big deal, and he knows he's going to have to talk to Rick eventually, it's the adult thing to do, but he has things that he needs to do first. He'll get to it.
He's not avoiding Rick.
The town has been nearly cleaned out, but their group returns every month to seek out any stranglers or supplies that may have been missed. While the dead is pretty much under control, it's the living they have to watch out for, hence the 'buddy system' as Glenn affectionately calls it. It's helped them out several times, the last close call ending with Michonne decapitating a man. Daryl has always known what humans were capable of, but it's gotten worse since the outbreak.
Daryl knows the real reason why Glenn put him and Rick together. They work well together and usually gravitate towards each other; an unconscious decision between the two men. But to the archer, it feels like almost everyone, regardless of if they know Daryl's secret or not, is pushing him to talk to Rick. If he believed in fate, Daryl would have told her to shove her hints up her ass.
The house he and Rick approach used to be an ugly, pea green, but it's paint has begun to crack and fade. It has one of those open porches, and Daryl can almost see Rick and Lori living in a place like this before the outbreak. It makes him feel sad, knowing that Rick will never get to grow old with his wife, and just like that Daryl knows he can't keep putting this conversation off anymore.
"Look, Rick, 'm sorry fer the other day," he says softly, almost shyly, shuffling his feet. He runs his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his head. There he said it. It's up to Rick whether or not they're still friends.
"I'm not mad," Rick answers carefully, almost as if he's afraid Daryl doesn't want to be friends anymore. Which is completely stupid on his part because the last thing the archer wants is to lose Rick.
The archer waits until the door has been opened, letting his eyes scan the area when it creaks loudly, before speaking again. "Yer not?" Daryl knows he sounds a little wary, but he also can't help the relief that floods his voice. "T-that's good. 'Cause I'da hate to think..." he trails off, knowing he has to say the next part even if he doesn't particularly want to. "Yer my friend and I wouldn't want to wreck that."
"You didn't." Rick offers him a smile, and Daryl returns it, but, as they split up, the hunter can't quite shake the disappointment that settles in his chest.
Downstairs is a bust, except for the stuffed dragon Daryl finds behind an old, dusty washing machine. He knocks the dirt and grime off it, figuring Judith will appreciate the gift, and shoves it in his backpack. He quietly heads upstairs, noting how loose the stair railing is, making a mental note to be careful going down. He stops at the top of the steps when he spots Rick standing in the doorway of a small bedroom, his eyes squeezed shut, his breathing a little labored.
Daryl slowly approaches the other man, his hand half raised to touch his shoulder, and he asks, "You alright?"
He startles the ex-lawman. Rick's eyes snap open and he turns to look at the archer. "Yeah," he replies hoarsely, his eyes brighter than normal. He blinks once, clearing his throat, and nods towards the room behind Daryl. He mentions something about a walker trapped inside the closet, and the archer nods but he still can't erase the worry off his face. "I'm fine," Rick assures him.
"Okay." Daryl is still a little skeptical, but he decides to let it go for now, and instead helps Rick finish searching the upstairs.
The upstairs reveals nothing useful, so the two men give it up as a bad job and head towards the steps again. Rick is in the lead, like usual, and Daryl's trails behind him, watching his back. It's completely normal, something they've been doing so long they could do it in their sleep, until Rick leans too closely to the rickety railing, a surprised shout breaking free from his throat when it breaks.
Daryl doesn't even think about it, his hands shooting out and grabbing the other man before he can plummet over the edge. He pulls Rick to him, the ex-lawman practically leaning against his chest, and the hunter hears him murmur, "L-looks like I'm the pretty princess now." His shaky laugh dies on his lips when he looks up, his blues eyes catching Daryl's, and for a heart stopping moment Daryl actually thinks Rick is going to kiss him.
"You guys okay!" Glenn suddenly calls and the moment is broken.
Frustrated, Daryl lets Rick go and carefully maneuvers around him, saying, "Be careful next time." He then walks away, resisting the urge to run his hands down his face. He needs to get a grip.
That night, Daryl finds himself in Judith's cell, holding the stuffed dragon he had found today. She squeals when he shows it to her, throwing her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. He returns the hug, bending down to bury his face in her frizzy hair. When they break the hug, Judith grabs his hand and pulls him towards her cot, pushing him down onto it. She crawls into his lap, resting her head against his chest, and says, "Thank you."
"Yer welcome," he replies putting his arms around her. "Do you like it?"
"Her," Judith corrects running her fingers down the dragon's back.
"Sorry, I meant do you like her?"
"Of course," Judith answers stretching up to give him a kiss on the cheek. "It's the bestest present yet."
"I'm glad ya like it."
The sit in silence for a while, but Daryl is the first to break it, curiously asking, "What are ya gonna name yer dragon?" He can hear familiar, shuffling feet approach Judith's cell, but they stop right outside the curtain. Rick clearly does not want to interrupt this moment.
"I dunno," Judith answers quietly, petting her dragon again. "Maybe Lori. After Mommy."
"That's a good name." The group has never kept the subject of Lori from Judith. The moment she started asking questions about her mother, Rick had sat her down and explained what had happened, but a very watered down version. Lately, Rick has been wondering when he should explain everything in detail to Judith. If Daryl had his way, he'd let Judith keep believing the watered down version, but he knows she's going to need to know eventually. She's growing up too fast.
"Is it okay if I miss her, even if I don't 'member her?" Judith's voice is so small, so unlike her usual tone, and the question feels like a kick to the chest.
"That's perfectly fine," Daryl says quietly. "In fact, you'd be a fool if ya didn't."
"Really?" Daryl nods, remembering his own mother. She might not have been around a lot when he was a kid, but she had been his mom. Sometimes he missed her, other times he wonders if she actually went to Hell like his father told him she did. "Even though I miss her, I still gots lots of family. Daddy, Carl, Beth, Carol, Maggie, Glenn, Bob, Michie, Ty-Ty, Sasha," her voice is a barely above a whisper when she adds, "and my Daryl."
Daryl smiles at her, remembering when she had been three and told everyone, "This is My Daryl."
"Yer damn right ye got me." He would be there for her for as long as he lived. She'd already lost so much in her short five years, Daryl wasn't going to be another loss for her; he couldn't be.
Judith falls asleep a few moments later, curled up in Daryl's lap, clutching her dragon tightly. Rick waits another minute before entering her cell, and Daryl looks up at him, wondering what he's doing here, but the ex-lawman doesn't speak, instead taking a seat next to the hunter. He figures it probably has something to do with earlier. While it wasn't exactly his smartest move, Daryl can't bring himself to regret it.
"You know, she hasn't called you 'My Daryl' since she's been three," Rick comments running a hand through his daughter's hair.
"I know," the archer whispers looking down at Judith. She could sleep through anything, something that scares Daryl a little. Since the outbreak, it's not exactly the best thing, being a deep sleeper, but at the same time it means she's not having nightmares. He'd give anything to keep her from having nightmares.
"We need to talk," Rick says after a beat, drawing in a deep breath.
"Yep." This must be the conversation where Rick tells him to leave him alone, that they're no longer friends, that it'd be best if they went back to being casual acquaintances or some shit. The thought hurts Daryl more than it should.
"Alright, I just..."
"Look, Rick, man, I can leave ya alone if ya want," Daryl interrupts, fiddling with the blankets on Judith's cot, wanting this over with as quickly as possible; like ripping a bandage off. "If that's what yer meaning ta say. I know ya said ya were cool with what happened the other day, but if yer not..."
"Wait what?" At Rick's tone, Daryl looks up at him, trying and failing to keep the guilt off his face. "I told you before that kiss didn't bother me. In fact, I..."
"Hey Dad." Carl bursts into the cell, looking down at a radio in his hands. "Have you seen Daryl? Maggie says he was the last one to see..." Carl looks up, letting his words trail off. "Oh, there you are." He holds his radio up and asks, "Where did you put those batteries you had? These went to shit."
"I'll help ya find 'em," Daryl answers carefully handing Judith over to Rick, pushing himself to his feet. He can't deal with this right now, so he follows Carl out of the cell, feeling Rick's eyes on him again. Is this how their lives were going to be from now on? Daryl walking away to the feeling of Rick's eyes on his back? God, he hopes not.
"What were you and my dad talking about?" Carl asks curiously fiddling with the radio.
"Nothin'."
"Maybe he was actually trying to do something about that crush he has on you," Carl comments absentmindedly, still not looking over at Daryl. "I mean, I miss Mom, too, I do, but she's been gone for five years. If he's gonna move on with someone, I wouldn't mind if it's you." The younger man shrugs, handing the radio over to the archer. "Where are those batteries again?"
Daryl stops, watching Carl walk away, feeling his heart slam against his chest. What the kid said can't be true; it just can't be. That's not possible. Rick doesn't have a crush on him.
Does he?
Daryl wakes up the next morning with a plan. He's done pussyfooting, he needs to tell Rick how he feels, especially if what Carl told him is true. But first, he needs to get rid of the distractions, get Rick away from the prison for a bit. It's the only way Daryl can get all this out. So, he decides he's going to go hunting and invite Rick along. The forest is as good a place as any.
He announces his plans to the group during breakfast, trying to get Rick's attention, but the other man doesn't look up from his plate. Daryl waits another few seconds before lowering himself into the chair next to Carol, poking at the food on his plate. He's still sitting there when the others leave, his breakfast mostly untouched, silently wondering if he should just go alone, when someone sits across from him.
"Ask him," Carol says softly, and Daryl looks up at her, giving her a questioning look. "Ask him," she repeats and it clicks.
"Ya think that'll work?"
"It couldn't hurt." Carol shrugs, giving him a kind smile. She pats his hand and gets to her feet, mentioning something about starting the laundry. When she's gone, Daryl gets up just as Carl and Sasha enter the mess hall.
"Hey, Glenn told us you're going hunting. You need any company?" Sasha asks curiously.
"Nah," Daryl answers shaking his head. "Maybe next time."
"Alright," Sasha replies, rolling her eyes when Carl attacks Daryl's mostly full plate. "Slow down. You're gonna choke."
"Just got back from watch," Carl answers shoveling food into his mouth. "'m starving."
Daryl leaves them to their squabbling, heading to his cell to get his bow. He's barely inside when it catches up to him, what he's about to do, and he suddenly has to sit down. He leans forward, trying to catch his breath. This could go so wrong. What is he thinking? This is by far the worst plan he's ever come up with. He needs to just cut his losses and move on.
"No," he tells himself, his voice sharp, his frustration shoving his negativity away. He's going to do this and everything is going to be fine. Daryl gives himself another few minutes before getting to his feet and walking out of his cell.
Daryl finds Rick weeding his garden. He almost turns around three times, but he tells himself to grow up and crosses the lawn towards the ex-lawman. He stops within touching distance of Rick, fidgeting just a little before reaching out and tapping his shoulder.
"Hey," Rick greets looking up from the tomatoes he's weeding. "Coming to say goodbye?"
Daryl fiddles with his crossbow strap, his nerves raw in his stomach when he asks, "You wanna go with me?"
Rick sits back on his heels, running a dirty hand through his hair, shielding his eyes from the sun with the other. "You sure?" Daryl nods, shuffling his feet, and Rick pushes himself to his feet. Taking that as a yes, the archer leads him towards the gate, very much away of the ex-lawman calling to Carol to watch Judith. Daryl catches the knowing smile on her face, and it takes everything he has not to scowl at her.
Sasha and Bob get the gate for them, goodnaturedly arguing over some old television program from the 1980's, and soon Daryl and Rick are alone. For a while, the hunter doesn't say anything, afraid he's going to throw up if he opens his mouth, but soon even he knows the silence has gone on long enough. It's now or never, and he's not sure he can take another minute of waiting.
"I almost walked away that day, in Lil' Asskicker's cell." That's not how Daryl wanted to start his speech, but he can't take the words back now. "What she had been asking, what she wanted us to do..." he trails off, drawing in a breath. "I couldn't do that to ya, Rick. Couldn't shove my shit on ya, but then I saw ya. Just standing there, and I just went fer it." He starts pacing across the forest floor, his footsteps kicking up dirt. He rubs the back of his neck, his face burning, but he keeps talking. "I thought, ya know, you'd let it go. That you'd pretend it didn't happen 'cause I was okay with that, but ya kept trying to talk about it. Then the thing on the stairs happened yesterday, and last night in Judith's cell." Daryl stops, running his hands down his face, and turns to look at Rick. "I mean, shit Rick, you're my best friend, the closest thing I have to a brother since Merle. I don't wanna fuck this up because I'm in love with ya..." There he said it, laid his cards out on the table. The rest is up to Rick.
Daryl expects the ex-lawman to freeze up, maybe let him down easy, what he's not expecting is the other man to back him into a tree. Rick presses his body against the archer's, his breath warm on Daryl's face when he says, "I love ya, too."
For a second, Daryl actually thinks his brain shorted out. He had heard wrong, he must have heard wrong, but then it clicks. Carl had been telling the truth yesterday, Rick did have feelings for Daryl. He isn't the only one jumping feet first into whatever this is between them. He doesn't waste another second, pulling the other man into a kiss, elation rushing through him when it's readily returned.
When they break apart, Rick leans his forehead against Daryl's and whispers, "I've been wanting to do that all week."
"Been wanting to do that a lot longer," Daryl murmurs toying with Rick's fingers.
To the archer, it feels as if everything in his life had been leading up to this moment. To him and Rick standing in the middle of a forest, pressed impossibly close to each other. Everything he had had to endure growing up, everyone who had ever given up on him in his life, led him right here to this man. And while tomorrow may very well never come, at least he has this.
And he can live with that.
The End...