Work Text:
Sleepless in Hogwarts
Marlene didn’t know what woke her up – if it was the wind howling outside the tower or one of Lily’s louder snores – but whatever it had been seemed to have stolen all of her sleep, seeing as she couldn’t manage to get back to it.
Sitting up with an irritated huff, she pulled back the curtains around her bed sharply and squinted her eyes through the faint moonlight to see the clock on the opposite wall: three in the bloody morning. She was wasting so much time awake; precious, precious time. Beautiful seconds and delicious minutes she could be sleeping and – looking down at her pillow, she groaned in disappointment when sleep still didn’t come.
It was her own fault, she supposed. Try and be responsible for once, going to bed early, and look where that got her. Granted, Marlene had been exhausted after the most brutal Quidditch practice she had ever had. James had been particularly nasty the whole time (with one beater in particular), and the rain didn’t help one bit. She couldn’t blame him – she knew he was still furious with Sirius and what he had done to both Snape and Remus – but her aching body begged to disagree.
Knowing she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep anytime soon, Marlene grabbed her wand from her bedside table and pushed the covers back to get up. Shivering as the cold air hit her warm body, she slipped her robe over her pyjamas and pulled on her fleece-lined boots. With one last look at her sleeping roommates – lucky cows – she carefully tiptoed out the door.
Outside the dormitory was even colder, the fires long since extinguished. She crept down the stairs and stopped in front of the fireplace. Aiming her wand, she whispered, “Incendio.”
Flames came to life, and she held out her hands in front of it to warm them. Just as she turned to walk toward the couch, a dark silhouette moved on it, sitting up. Marlene jumped with a yelp, as the figure did the same.
A moment later she identified the figure of Sirius Black, rubbing a hand against his eyes and looking even more like a confused puppy for it.
“Merlin’s beard! What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” she whispered, loudly, a hand going to cover her racing heart.
“I was sleeping, McKinnon. What the bloody hell are you doing?” Sirius bit back, lying down again, pulling his blanket up to his chin and leaning ever so slightly towards the warmth of the fire.
Marlene frowned, what was he doing sleeping in the common room?
“I couldn’t sleep,” she answered, walking closer to the couch and then turning around so her back leaned on it when she sat down on the floor. She knew Sirius’ eyes were on her, and she had to fight the urge to look back at him, deciding to focus on the dancing flames instead. “Why are you sleeping down here anyways?” Marlene asked, going for an almost bored tone, but she knew it wouldn’t fool him.
One minute passed, then another. The ticking clock on the corner kept counting and still Sirius hadn’t replied. Finally, she turned to glance at him over her shoulder, resting her chin on it. He had his eyes closed, but she knew he wasn’t asleep.
“They didn’t kick you out, did they?”
The answer came quickly, “No.”
“Have you been sleeping down here for the last week?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Sirius opened his eyes, and Marlene could see the flames reflecting in his storm-grey gaze. He looked her over, searching her face for something, she didn’t know what. She knew he had come to a decision when he sighed, shifting to lie on his back and stare at the high ceiling.
“They just pretend I’m not there anyway, so I might as well not be,” he said, then flicked his eyes over to her, maybe expecting to see pity or disgust for what he had done. Marlene didn’t feel either. Before she could say anything, she didn’t know what, he spoke again. “Why are you even talking to me? I thought you’d hate me like the others. James certainly does,” he mumbled the last part, and she couldn’t help but feel her heart break a little for the dejected boy in front of her. Marlene had never seen him so defeated, so vulnerable. She had seen him injured before, and when he ran away from home, well, that was a whole other shitshow. But he always had a smirk on his lips, a joke on the tip of his tongue. This time, that spark of mischief Marlene had noticed in his eyes when they first met was practically extinguished.
“I can talk to whoever I want, ta. James is not the boss of me.” She shifted on the floor, leaning one arm on the couch and rested her chin on it. “That said, what you did was terrible.”
James had told her about it after she asked why Sirius was sporting a black eye. In between pacing and angry outbursts of shouts, he told her the story of how Sirius had purposely told Snape about the passage under the Whomping Willow, which led to a fully transformed Remus on a full moon, and had almost gotten the Slytherin boy killed. How James had just barely saved Snivellus’ life and how it had taken Dumbledore and McGonagall both to make him promise to keep Remus’ secret. He told her how lucky they were that Snape hadn’t seen them turn into their Animagi forms; how Remus could have gone to Azkaban for Sirius’ careless actions.
Sirius scoffed. “Yeah, I get it. I don’t need you to remind me.”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t shed a tear if Snivellus died a terrible death, but that doesn’t mean I want two of my friends to be murderers.”
“I get it, alright?!” he exploded, probably louder than he should, sitting up and pushing the covers back. Marlene barely avoided getting hit over the head when his legs swung down from the couch as he sat with his elbows on his knees and rested his face on his hands. “I didn’t think- It turns out, I’m just like my family, after all.” He scowled, mostly at himself, a disgusted sneer curling the corner of his lips.
“You know that’s not true,” she said, pushing herself up to sit beside him. He scoffed again. “You know it isn’t! I doubt Bellatrix would be feeling bad right now if she was in your place.”
“Bellatrix is also insane, so I don’t think it counts,” he grunted, leaning back and slouching his shoulders, defeated.
Marlene chuckled, she had to give him that.
“What were you thinking?” she asked, instead of trying to insist further on the topic of his family. She knew there was nothing she could say right now that would convince him he was different if he didn’t want to hear it.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, shaking his head while looking into the fire as if it held the answers. “I didn’t want to kill him. I didn’t!” he insisted, throwing her a desperate look, begging her to believe him. She did. “I just wanted to scare him a bit, make him shit his pants, or something. He was onto us anyway, he already suspected Remus was a werewolf, I heard him talking to Evans when he was chasing her around, trying to win her back. Then I caught him snooping, and I just...”
Marlene frowned. She found out about Remus during fourth year – one too many trips to the hospital wing for not feeling well; visits that just so happened to fall on the full moon. Plus, James couldn’t lie to save his life when it came to her, and she knew he was hiding something. But she wanted to be sure before confronting him, so one night in Fifth Year she followed them out of the castle on a full moon. She hadn’t managed to follow them down the tunnel by the Whomping Willow, but after hearing the howls, it wasn’t hard to connect all the dots.
When she confronted James about it, he was furious that she’d put her life at risk even as she suspected about Remus’ furry little problem. After letting out his frustrations, James had only asked her to not to say anything to anyone; as if she would. Pfft. Remus was her friend too and she would protect his secret, no matter what. But to learn that Snape had also figured it out, now that was a surprise.
She spent half her time with James, which meant spending half of her time with the rest of the Marauders as well, so of course she was bound to notice something. But Snape must have watched them very closely if he had figured out the pattern of Remus’ disappearances. As if the creep wasn’t creepy enough, she shuddered.
“What did Lily say about it?” she asked, curious now.
“You know Red. She wouldn’t betray Moony’s secrets; she just said he was ridiculous and to stop trying to turn her against her friends, and to leave her alone,” he smirked a bit at the last one, but soon the smile slipped off his face and the sadness was etched upon it once more. “Anyway, he already knew, he just didn’t have any proof. I thought maybe seeing Moony would scare him away from us.”
“You didn’t think Moony would kill him?”
“I don’t know… I don’t know what I thought. I just wanted Snape to shut up.”
They stared into the flames after falling silent. Marlene didn’t think badgering him with insults would help much. She couldn’t possibly say anything he didn’t already know, she couldn’t blame him any more than he already blamed himself.
She glanced at the clock: half-past three. She should really go to bed and try to sleep; her future self would hate her for staying up so late. She threw a longing look at the girls’ staircase, and then looked at the defeated boy sitting next to her. She couldn’t leave him like this; sleeping on one of the couches in the common room, with only a blanket. The fire cast shadows on his face and she could see the dark bags under his eyes, one of which still had a yellow and purple bruise around it. Marlene knew he could have gone to Madam Pomfrey to have it healed, but didn’t because he probably thought he deserved the pain.
Sighing, Marlene pushed herself to her feet. “Come on, I want a hot chocolate before going back to bed.”
Dragging his feet, Sirius begrudgingly followed her. She noticed he was wearing jeans and a The Who t-shirt. She couldn’t help but wonder why he was sleeping in his clothes instead of pyjamas but decided not to ask.
When they opened the portrait, the Fat Lady woke up with a snort, glared at them sleepily and went back to snoring. They shared a glance and a quiet chuckle, before silently making their way down the stairs towards the kitchen. They reached the fruit portrait with no incidents – a miracle since they had neither the map nor the cloak – and Marlene tickled the pear.
The kitchen was dark and silent, all the House Elves were probably asleep, and Marlene didn’t really want to wake them up, but that kind of put a snag to her plans, seeing as she had no clue on how to make a decent hot chocolate from scratch, or anything else, really. She supposed she could make a cuppa, it’d probably be better than the sweet, anyway, but she had really wanted a hot chocolate.
Resigned, she walked around the long tables that copied the ones from the Great Hall, towards the counters that lined the room with all kinds of magical sinks, stoves, ovens and iceboxes. It took her a bit, but she found a self-filling kettle and used her wand to turn the stove on.
“I thought you wanted a hot chocolate?” Sirius asked, sitting down at the nearest table and watching as she scavenged for two mugs and the tea.
“Nah, changed my mind,” she lied, letting out a triumphant ‘aha’ once she found what she had been looking for.
Sirius only hummed, unconvinced, and she could feel the smirk on his face but didn’t care enough to send him a glare.
Marlene busied herself with the tea and glanced at Sirius out of the corner of her eye when she heard him get up. He rummaged through cupboards for a while, before emerging from one of the pantries with a jar of biscuits. He held it up to her with a smile, the first one she had seen on him in days, and she couldn’t help but smile back.
Tea ready, she took the mugs to the table and sat across from him. She munched on a biscuit while watching him take a sip of his tea.
“Hm, this is good!” he said, and she raised an eyebrow at his surprised tone. “How did you know how I take my tea?”
“Thanks,” she said, leaning heavily on the sarcasm, then shrugged, “I pay attention.”
“Well, ta. This is better than I expected. The way James talks about your cooking, I kind of thought you’d manage to fail at boiling water,” he laughed at her offended expression, and then the smile slipped off his face again once he realized what he had said, or rather who he had mentioned. Marlene drank a sip of her own tea and watched as little lines appeared between his eyebrows. She let him simmer on his guilt for a little longer, before deciding to crash his pity party.
“He doesn’t hate you, you know,” Marlene spoke into her cup, and she could see in her periphery that his head had snapped up at her words. “James, and neither does Remus, honestly,” she elaborated.
Sirius scoffed and snorted, curling his lips into that ugly sneer she hated.
“They’re hurt, sure, and angry, but they don’t hate you.” She raised her eyes to meet his, and storm-grey stared into deep-blue for a moment before he shook his head, dismissing the thought.
“I seriously doubt that.” He downed the rest of his tea in one go, probably scalding his throat, but not caring. He grimaced.
“If James hated you, he would’ve let you know.”
He chuckled, bitter. “Yeah, I think he has. Or has the silent treatment escaped your notice?”
Marlene raised an eyebrow at his tone; she wasn’t about to let him walk all over her while she was trying to help the insufferable idiot.
He seemed to realize it a moment later and his shoulders slumped.
“Sorry,” he muttered, staring at the table. She decided to let that one pass.
“That’s exactly what I mean: the silent treatment. Right now he’s angry, furious even, so he might say things he doesn’t want to, and that’s why he’s keeping his mouth shut.” She could see he was considering this; it’d do him well to take her word for it; after all, out of all of them, Marlene had known James the longest. “Just trust me. If he hated you, he wouldn’t bother to spare your feelings.”
Finally, he gave her a careful nod – not completely in agreement with her assessment, but not dismissing it either; she’d take it.
“Alright, but what about Remus? I’ll give you James, but I know Remus better than you, and he won’t even look at me.” He gave her an expectant look, and Marlene found herself wishing Lily, Mary or Alice were here instead. She didn’t really deal with feelings all that well, and she understood James, she could talk about him, but she couldn’t make any promises about Remus.
Even after six years of friendship, he was still a bit of a mystery. He liked to study, but he loved to come up with pranks that could potentially disturb class. He was kind, thoughtful, and great for advice, but could swear like the worst kind of Goblin. Remus was incredibly honest and yet managed to take his sarcasm and dry humour to the next level.
Mary, Alice, Lily, and even Remus, would know exactly what to say to reassure Sirius that he hadn’t lost all of his friends. Marlene could only try.
“I think…” and she paused, trying to pick the right words. “I think you broke his trust, and he’s more hurt than angry. I think he might forgive you soon enough, but he won’t forget, and you’ll have to work hard to earn back his trust.” That sounded reasonable, right? She gave a decisive nod, mostly to herself, since Sirius was staring at the wooden table again.
Eventually, he raised his eyes to hers and shot her a tiny smile. “Alright, Kitten, I’ll take your word for it.” Marlene was too happy he hadn’t asked her how he could earn back Remus’ trust to care about the stupid nickname he had given her back in their Second Year.
Before she could smile at him or say anything else, a loud yawn forced its way out of her mouth. Sirius snorted in amusement, but a minute later he was yawning too, and the two shared a companionable laugh. She shoved the last of her biscuit into her mouth and downed the rest of her tea. Together, they put the jar and the washed mugs away, before making their way out of the kitchens.
“Where do you think the House Elves sleep?” Sirius asked while they carefully made their way up the great staircase.
“I dunno,” Marlene shrugged, “they probably have quarters near the kitchen. I’m just glad we didn’t wake them up.”
“Do you think we should find out? Update the Map?”
“I think you should leave the poor elves alone.” The thought of the Marauder’s Map did bring something else to mind, though. She couldn’t let Sirius keep sleeping in the common room, and she couldn’t let him sleep on the floor in the girls’ dorm – not that she would mind much, but the others might have something to say about it.
She didn’t want to tell him about it; she hadn’t even told James. It was her secret place, one she had found all on her own, and she knew it didn’t show up on the Map because James had been complaining the other day about how the Map could malfunction sometimes, that he couldn’t find her anywhere in the castle. With the war getting closer and closer, with the Death Eaters breathing down their necks, Marlene had been happy to find somewhere to hide for a little while; somewhere quiet, where no one would find her, unlike the library. Sighing in resignation at probably losing her quiet room for clandestine parties or Merlin knew what else, she was about to tell him about it when they heard it.
“Meow.”
Sirius and Marlene froze in their tracks, panicked eyes locking on each other.
“What is it, my sweet? Naughty children out of bed?”
They heard Filch’s voice coming from around the corner and bolted as silently as they could to the opposite side of the corridor. Marlene spared a second to wonder what the hell Filch was doing up at that unholy hour, but didn’t care enough to ponder it for too long. Sirius grabbed her hand and dragged her behind a tapestry that hid a set of stairs leading down. They came out in an empty classroom with only a door and a big glass panel that faced the Black Lake.
Mrs. Norris’ meow echoed down the staircase, spurring them into a sprint out of the door. Back on the fourth floor, when they had been on the fifth before, Sirius led the way down to the third and pushed her into the nearest cupboard.
“Close the door,” she whispered urgently, and he obeyed, plunging them into darkness.
The cupboard was small, and Marlene had a set of shelves digging uncomfortably at her back while Sirius was pressed to her front. They were panting from their sprint, and she could just barely make out the contour of his face after her eyes adjusted to the dark.
“Hello,” he smiled down at her, breathing hard.
“Hello,” she replied, and they both let out a quiet laugh.
“Hello,” he said again, grinning down at her.
“You’ve said that.”
“I like to be thorough,” he echoed her words from weeks ago, and Marlene laughed quietly. “You know, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask, Kitten.”
Marlene rolled her eyes and pinched his side, “Shut up.”
He laughed again, but quickly fell silent when they heard Filch’s footsteps.
They stood for what felt like an eternity, holding their breaths as Filch and his cat stopped right outside the door. Marlene mentally smacked herself on the forehead for not thinking of casting a locking charm on it.
Luck seemed to be on their side, though, as some other noise dragged Filch’s attention from their cupboard’s door. She didn’t know who was about to get in trouble for being out of bed after curfew, but she couldn’t help feeling glad that it wasn’t them. Or maybe it was Peeves playing with the armours again; either way, she didn’t feel like serving detention in the foreseeable future.
They didn’t move immediately out of the cupboard, which was time enough for Sirius to really notice the position they were in. He raised one hand to the side of her face and caressed her cheek with his thumb.
“Why are you helping me? Honestly,” he whispered, breath mingling with hers as his other hand found its way into her hair; and only now did she realized that her hair must have looked like an owl’s nest this whole time since she hadn’t bothered with it when she got up.
Again, Marlene recognized just how inept she was at dealing with feelings. Alice, Mary and Lily would probably have something sappy to say, they would probably understand what the hell they were feeling. Marlene had no idea.
Her stomach clenched and her toes curled inside her boots. Her gaze fell down to his lips, and she licked her own. Truth was, she didn’t know why. She should be mad at him. What he did was terrible, and put his best friends in danger – Remus of being arrested and James of being killed while he was trying to save Snape. She wasn’t forgiving his actions by helping him, she hoped. She didn’t want to betray Remus by being nice to Sirius, if that even made sense. But she wanted to be there for him, even if he didn’t deserve it. It was okay to be there for him if she told him that she didn’t approve of what he did, right? And he felt bad for it, so that had to count for something.
She was so confused.
“I don’t know,” she said, finally, lowering her eyes to his chest. Raising one of her hands, she traced what she could see of the letters of the band’s name. “I don’t like what you did, you have to know that,” she felt him tense and start to pull away, but she held him there by grabbing his t-shirt. “I’m not saying it was okay, because it wasn’t, but I can kind of understand it. Snivellus has a way of driving me crazy with hatred, so I get how you acted without thinking it through. You were so lucky James got there when he did and not just because of Snape or Remus, but because of you, too. I think this would’ve destroyed you, and I don’t want that.” Marlene realized she was rambling, but she had to at least try to make him understand – one of them should be able to figure out the mess in her mind.
She continued, “Because that would make you feel like you’re just like your family, but you’re not. We all have dark and light inside of us, but what matters is the side we choose to act on. You did a bad thing, Sirius, and you know that. Now you have to live with it and make up for it. And I think you will, I just don’t think you have to do it alone,” she drew in a sharp breath and tried to go over her words in her head. “Did that… did that make sense?”
When she raised her gaze to meet his, she didn’t expect to find him looking at her with something like awe in his eyes. Before she could question him as to what exactly about her sleep-deprived rambling speech had left him so amazed, he kissed her.
The hand that had been caressing her cheek slipped to the back of her head, tangling itself in her hair, and the hand she had been using to hold him in place clenched tighter around the fabric. He pried her lips open with his, and she offered no resistance when his tongue came to dance with hers. She could taste the tea they had drunk, and cigarettes he had probably smoked before going to sleep.
Marlene dragged her nails up his chest and buried her hands in his hair, just as he gripped her waist to pull himself closer. She felt the shelf dig deeper into her back and had to break the kiss to hiss at the pain.
“Sorry,” he breathed out, panting for breath. She just shook her head and kissed him again, briefly.
“Come on, we should go to bed,” she pushed him back lightly and opened the door to see if the coast was clear.
“My, my, Marley, you’re so forward.”
“Shut up, stupid,” she said, rolling her eyes at him but smiling nonetheless. This time, she was the one to drag him by the hand, up the stairs as fast and quietly as they could. They reached the seventh floor, and Marlene felt Sirius’ confusion when they passed the corridor for the Gryffindor’s common room entrance. She led him to a big, bare wall opposite a tapestry of trolls dancing ballet.
“Marlene, what-” Sirius cut himself off when she let go of his hand and started pacing back and forth in front of the wall. When she was done, she had to hold back the laugher at the incredulous look he was giving her. It didn’t last long, as he turned to stare at the emerging door with wide, amazed eyes.
“Go on,” she encouraged him when he just stood there. Sirius went eagerly to the door, turning the knob and pushing it open.
The room was no bigger than the Gryffindor common room, and it was decorated similarly – with tapestries and warm rugs, a lit fireplace and curtains probably covering fake windows. There were no staircases leading up to the dormitories, and instead of couches and chairs, there was a big and warm-looking bed taking up space in front of the fire.
“What is this place?” he asked, looking around. “And how did I not know about it?”
“It’s the Come and Go room, also known as Room of Requirement. I had to research it when I found it,” Marlene told him, “and you didn’t know about it because I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Why would you keep this to yourself? We could have so much fun!” He turned to her with a smirk, glancing over her form with heat in his eyes.
Marlene smirked right back at him, but shook her head at his insinuating look, “Alright, down, boy” she chuckled at his pout. “I was looking for a place to hide after Doe got the news of what happened to her uncle.” Sirius sobered immediately at the reminder of the war chasing at their heels. “It was… just a bit too much. This door appeared and,” she shrugged. “It looked nothing like this, mind you.”
“The Room of Requirement, you said? I suppose it gives you whatever you require?”
She clicked her tongue, “Got it in one.”
“I won’t tell the others about it,” he said, suddenly, coming closer to her and taking her hand.
“Why?” Marlene frowned.
“On the condition that this is our place now,” Sirius brought her hand to his lips and gave it a kiss. She huffed in feigned annoyance. This thing between them, it was recent – as far as snogging and shagging went – but in reality, it had been building up for years. They weren’t in a relationship, not really. But Marlene hadn’t kissed another person since this started, and she hadn’t heard about Sirius going around snogging other people either. So, she supposed, if he wanted them to have a spot of their own, she couldn’t say she minded all that much.
“Okay,” she agreed easily enough, letting him kiss her forehead, then her cheek and her neck. She knew where this was going, but she yawned again, and reluctantly pushed him back. “We should sleep. It’s probably way past four by now, and we have classes tomorrow.”
He held her other hand up to his lips, kissing it, and speaking against it, “Stay with me?”
Marlene hesitated. The girls would go crazy in the morning if they found her gone. James would probably give her an earful for talking to Sirius, and she could almost predict Remus’ hurt look. Or maybe that was just her sleep-deprived brain trying to give her a guilt complex.
She looked at that big, warm and comfortable looking bed, then at Sirius, who was still watching her with guarded but patient eyes. Gryffindor Tower was a bit far, she could be caught by someone. And what if she couldn’t manage to wake the Fat Lady up? She’d be stranded outside. She was so tired and sleep was finally hitting her with all the strength of a bludger.
In the end, it was Sirius’ face that convinced her. He wasn’t expecting anything to happen, he just didn’t want to be alone.
Marlene used the hand he was holding to lead him to the bed, took off her robe and boots and crawled in under the covers, scooting closer to him when he settled down. She lay her head on his shoulder and passed him her wand so he would put it beside his on the nightstand. The fireplace was the only light in the room, and she had never felt more comfortable.
Her eyelids felt heavy, and her muscles started to relax one by one. Just before she fell asleep, she heard Sirius say, “Thank you, Marlene.”
She felt his lips against her forehead, and tried to move her lips around a ‘You’re welcome,’ but before she could figure out if she had actually said the words out loud or not, she fell asleep. Sirius followed soon after.
***
Neither of them turned up for morning classes the next day, leaving their friends to scramble for excuses to give their Professors.
They didn’t particularly care.