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I want to kiss Khun.
Bam’s not really sure when that thought first appeared in his head.
Actually, scratch that, he does know. It was before he knew what a kiss was, though, back on the Second Floor, when he was still obsessed with Rachel and clueless about the world.
He and Khun had been talking, he doesn’t remember the exact topic, but he knows it was just their usual banter. What he does remember was that at one point Khun gave him this soft, almost shy smile, and Bam couldn’t help but notice how soft his lips looked. They were pink, moist from chapstick (he did know what that was, Khun and Endorsi had a lot of beauty products), and Bam wondered what it would be like to touch them. Maybe drag a finger over them? Or maybe…he could touch his own lips to Khun’s? Did people normally think these thoughts? He wasn’t sure.
“Hey, Bam? Are you listening? You look a little spaced out,” Khun waved a hand in front of him.
Ah, but Khun didn’t really like physical contact, right? Bam didn’t know him that well, but Khun stiffened whenever they brushed hands, flinched if someone put a hand on his shoulder without warning. It was fine if the blue-haired was the one that initiated contact, but he didn't like others doing it. According to Endorsi, the face was also one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so if Bam suddenly touched Khun’s lips, Khun probably wouldn’t like it. So he shakes the thought away and simply smiles. “Sorry, I was just…I’m a little hungry.” He felt a bit bad for not telling Khun his Thought, but he was actually a bit hungry, now that he mentioned it.
“Well, let's get something to eat, then.” Khun offered him his hand, and Bam took it gratefully, letting Khun lead him toward the cafeteria. Back then, Bam was willing to let the thought go.
Now, he’s no longer able to do that. He’s let it slip away too many times. Bam runs through the halls of the airship, a sense of purpose in his steps.
When he learned what a kiss was, during Jinsung’s Talk (which he never wanted to sit through again, thank you very much), his mind helpfully supplied, That’s what you wanted to do to Khun on the Second Floor. It probably should’ve been a momentous realization, but honestly all Bam was thinking at that time was that he wanted to get out of this situation as soon as he could. It wasn’t hard to shove the Thought back down—it wasn’t like he was going to see his friends again anyways.
But the Thought resurfaced with a new intensity when they reunited after the Workshop Battle. Well, to be more specific, it clawed its way back up when Bam saw him at the Hand of Arlene, when the world turned into fire and ash and rubble around them. Of course, it wasn’t like he had time to think about it, he had to take care of Khun’s two teammates, but after, long after, when everything was finally resolved, and they were sitting on a few blankets on their makeshift bed, Bam had nothing left to do but acknowledge the Thought.
It was silent—there seemed to be so much to say, yet neither of them knew where to start. They simply sat shoulder to shoulder, leaning against each other comfortably, and with the stillness in the air, their literal closeness to each other, his brain just had to whir to life and cause Bam to observe his friend. Khun’s eyes were nearly closed, but he was still as beautiful as Bam remembered. His silky light blue hair shone in the dimming sky, his skin was still pale and unblemished, and his lips—thin and pink and slightly chapped, breathing out with small whooshes . It almost seemed intrusive to look at him like this, while he was so vulnerable and open, but Bam couldn’t help it. He wanted to kiss Khun, lean down and brush their lips together ever so slightly, pepper light pecks along his jawline, so sharp and smooth—
“WHAT ARE YOU TURTLES DOING WITHOUT YOUR LEADER?!” Rak burst into the room.
Khun snapped awake, and Bam quickly looked away, turning to look at Rak instead. “We were waiting for you, Rak,” he answered, before Khun could retort.
The gator stared at him suspiciously. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Bam shifted away from Khun. He didn’t miss Khun’s curious look as he moved.
But then Rak was hugging him again, crowing “THE BLACK TURTLE IS BACK!” and Bam smiled, returning the hug. Khun watched on awkwardly. Bam offered him an opening. Khun stared for a second, then he slowly accepted and sank into the embrace. Bam held him tight, waiting for Khun to fully slacken in their grip. Rak was a bit more direct, simply saying, “Get out of your shell faster, Blue Turtle.”
Khun side-eyed him and then shoved him over. And then he was fully hugging Bam, clinging onto his shoulders. “You’re back.” His voice almost cracked; he sounded so relieved to be holding Bam.
“I am.” It didn’t matter if they never kissed. In that moment, it was enough.
It’s not enough. How many times had Khun slipped away from him? How many times has Bam pushed that thought aside, telling himself that he shouldn’t be more selfish than he already was?
The Hell Train was…well, hell. But Khun was with him, and as long as he was by his side, Bam pushed on. He still hadn’t really figured out what he wanted at the top. He had Khun and all his friends already, was there really something else that he needed to climb for? Maybe there was, maybe there wasn’t, but he figured he might as well keep going now that he came this far. Maybe, if the legends about becoming a God at the top of the Tower were true, he could grant all his friends’ wishes.
“Isn’t it better…being human?”
Yes. Yes it is. If he were a God, he would be the one that runs away from Khun. If he had to treat everyone equally, he couldn’t be making this reckless, impulsive decision he’s making now.
When Khun hugged him during the Nest Battle, the realization settled like a feather, gently drifting to the ground. He was in love with Khun.
Why did it take him so long to figure it out? He should’ve seen it a long time ago. The way the world around him seemed to fade when he was talking to Khun, the way he would always look for Khun when he was upset, heck, he knew how Khun liked his coffee at different times of day. Maybe he had always loved Khun. His presence was natural, it felt stranger when he wasn’t with Bam. Like when he was in his coma.
He couldn’t describe the rage he felt after seeing what Rachel had done to Khun. He only remembered the black, crackling hate, and the desire to make her pay . When Khun finally awoke from his coma, when Bam was able to meet him again after rescuing Deng Deng, the Thought returned full force as he tackled Khun in a tight hug. I missed you I missed you I missed you.
He wanted to kiss him then and there, but there were too many people around. He didn’t want his first kiss to be like this. So he just thought, Later, when we’re alone, I’ll kiss you.
Then the entire Cage Battle went down, and then they were going to the Wall of Peaceful Coexistence, and then the Thought vanished again because they were fighting a battle with High Rankers, only to reappear a few seconds after Kallavan joined their side. Bam regretted not kissing Khun earlier. He knew they would make it out alive—he refused to sacrifice his friends to win a battle—but still, he was annoyed with himself. Why was it so difficult?
After this fight, he promised himself. Right after this fight, I’m going to kiss Khun.
Right after the fight, the first thing Bam did was check on his master instead. They broke both of his arms . His arms were the most important part of hand-to-hand combat, Bam knew. And while he was sure his master would be able to heal eventually, that sort of injury would cripple him for a long time.
“How are you?” he asked as he stepped into the room.
“You shouldn’t have come for me, Viole.” Both his master’s arms were in a cast, and he was practically covered in bandages neck down. “Now you’re caught up in all of this.”
“It’s okay,” Bam reassured him. “I chose to do this. I want to defeat Jahad.”
“…You’ve grown,” his master smiled. “Don’t worry about this old man, I’ll be fine. Go talk to that Khun boy.”
“H-Huh?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him,” his master said. “I was once…like that too.” He fell silent for a moment, and Bam opened his mouth to sympathize, but Jinsung spoke first. “So go tell him before it’s too late. The Tower’s given you a lot of chances.”
“Okay!” Bam nodded and ran off.
One bound after another. Bam nearly skids into a few people as he runs. He rushes past White, ducks under Yama, he even catches Evankhell pinning Hansung against the wall as he passes, and the first thought that comes to his mind is, I would love to do that to Khun one day.
He turns the corner, passing Rak’s room, and just barely avoids a face first crash into Khun.
“Khun!”
“Bam?” Khun raises a bemused eyebrow at him. “What’s the rush?”
He’s sure he must be a sight right now, he hasn’t done anything to fix his appearance after he came out of the battle. Which meant his clothes are probably a bit torn, his hair is a mess, and he’s wheezing from running so quickly. This isn’t exactly what he thought he would look like when he thought of kissing Khun, but he’s determined to do this. And there’s no one around here to see them. Now or never, right?
“I want to kiss you,” he declares breathlessly.
Khun blinks. Once. Twice. “What?”
But Bam’s said what he needs to say. So instead of repeating his words, he reaches out, tilting Khun’s head up ever so slightly, and leans forward. Their lips meet gently, tenderly, and Bam only stays there for a second, but it’s enough for him to confirm his question.
Khun’s lips are very soft.
Then Bam breaks the kiss, and the full realization of his actions sink in. He just kissed Khun.
Khun is staring at him, eyes wide. It looks like there’s a tinge of pink on his cheeks, although Bam isn’t sure if it’s actually a blush or if it’s just the light from the sunset outside. Khun looks almost frozen in place, as one hand slowly reaches up to touch his lips.
Bam looks away, suddenly shy. His hand mimics Khun’s, reaching up to graze his mouth. He can still feel the lingering feeling of the kiss, the press of Khun’s lips again his. Khun tasted like winter, crisp and sharp, yet Bam was left with a warm, tingling feeling inside.
He wants to try it again. Is he allowed to be more selfish? But Khun still hasn’t reacted, and Bam crumples internally, insecurity starting to sink in. He just demolished every boundary between them with that kiss. There was no returning to before after this. The Thought was no longer a daydream. Bam starts to turn away, mumbling a quiet apology, but before he can fully turn his back, a hand roughly grabs his collar, and suddenly Khun’s pulling him back in, aggressively pressing their lips together. His other hand caresses Bam’s cheek, and Bam’s words lodge in his throat, his breath hitching.
“You think—” Khun breaks away to inhale sharply, before diving back in with vigor— “You can just do that and leave?”
“Mmm…I—” It’s hard to speak as Khun kisses him over and over again, stealing each word before it comes out. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”
Khun pulls away to look at him. His lips are a darker red now, and his face is most certainly flushed. But there’s a glint in his eyes. “Good.” Then he continues kissing, almost desperately, and Bam returns each kiss with fervor.
It seems like an eternity later when they stop, and they’re both out of breath and gasping. Their lips are painted red, and there’s a tiny bite mark on Khun’s lip that Bam notes with satisfaction.
“I should’ve done this when I first thought of it,” Bam says, panting.
“Oh? And when was that?” Khun teases.
“The Second Floor.”
Bam grins as Khun flushes impossibly darker. “T-That early?”
“I don’t know if you noticed, Khun,” Bam gives him a cheeky smile. “But you’re very beautiful.”
“As are you,” Khun responds evenly.
They stay silent for a while, just so that their breaths can even out, so that their faces return to their normal shade. Bam breaks the tranquility first, “So we’re dating now, right?”
“Definitely,” Khun clasps his hand around Bam’s.
Bam smiles, squeezing back; the calm atmosphere settles back. Only to be disrupted by a new voice.
“If you turtles are done, I want to get into my room.”