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It was one of those days again. Days wherein Kenma would feel so awful to the point that it felt physically painful. The moment he woke up, he knew that it was going to be an off day. The empty feeling that creeps up from nothingness is trying to swallow him whole. Kenma hated these days. It was difficult trying to pry his eyes open, trying to get himself to move, to breathe.
When this happens, Kenma would try to brighten himself up, or as bright as his personality allows. It fails. Every time. But he still does it, though–always trying to put up his nonchalant facade and failing miserably.
The main reason he does this is because of Kuroo. He knows that Kuroo wouldn't mind if he's having an off day, his boyfriend will probably do him a favor and give him space if he needs it or would sit beside him and comfort him through the silence. Whatever he needs, Kuroo would give it to him wholeheartedly.
The thing is, Kenma hated being a bother to others, even if it's his own boyfriend. He doesn't want to talk about what he's going through, not because he doesn't trust Kuroo enough, but because talking about him makes him feel shitty. It makes him feel pathetic. It wakes him feel worse. But Kuroo, his sweet, understanding, and caring Tetsurou, never failed to make him feel like he's not alone. Kuroo understands Kenma, more than the blonde ever understood himself. Whenever Kenma would show signs of relapse, he would ask him what he wants and he gives it to him perfectly; other times, when it's somehow worse-when Kenma doesn't even have the strength to speak nor move, he gives him exactly what he needs, even if the blonde himself doesn't know what it is.
Kenma was shaken out of his thoughts when Kuroo knocked on his door, reminding him that he had classes today. Kenma didn't answer nor spared a glance at the insistent knocking. As much as he wanted to, Kenma is just tired. Really, really tired. Kuroo went back to check on Kenma after seeing that he's still not up even after he finished showering. After knocking and whispering a light I'm entering, Kuroo walked up to Kenma's bed, where the other was hiding under covers, visibly shaking.
"Kenma, off day?" Kuroo looked at the lump under the blanket, the shaking hasn't stopped, nor the quiet sniffles, but he saw his boyfriend's head nod.
Kuroo assumed that Kenma's still okay with his presence, seeing as he hasn't pushed him away yet–one of his behaviors whenever he's feeling too much. Silent comfort it is, then, Kuroo thought, not moving a muscle to touch Kenma. Just as he always did whenever his boyfriend goes through an episode. He doesn't mind, really. He would do anything so that the blonde would feel comfortable, at ease, even just by a little bit.
He also knows that sometimes, his presence would make Kenma's situation worse, and he understands that so he takes it upon himself to leave Kenma alone. Sometimes, as his boyfriend once said, his presence can get a little overwhelming, words like 'I'm here', 'I love you', 'you can talk to me', 'I can wait until you're fine' does more damage than good. Kenma explained that when it happens, the silence was just enough. And Kuroo respects that. So he does all that he could in his power to do as Kenma wishes. It hurts him, sometimes. It hurts him that he can't do anything but watch his loved one suffer. He hates that he can't help. It hurts him. But Kenma always assured him after, that he really does help, even if he doesn't realize it. The simple act of giving Kenma exactly what he needs, whether it was space or comforting silence, already helps him a great deal.
So Kuroo continues to do so.
Kuroo slumped down the floor, leaning his back against the bed so that he can assure Kenma that he's here. He's not alone. Episodes like this sometimes last as short as 20 minutes, others last longer than a whole day. He heard his boyfriend's shuddering breath, he wanted to hug him, comfort him, but he knows that it's not what Kenma needs. A few minutes passed when he saw Kenma get out of the covers, sitting down on the bed and hugging his knees close to his chest. He calmed down a little, no more shaky breaths and quiet tears. He looks really tired, Kuroo mused, his face was still tear-stained, his eyes still red from crying, his hair still a mess. If he could bear all of the pain that Kenma is going through, Kuroo would do it in a heartbeat but he knows that it's not how it works.
So, as always, Kuroo sat through the silence, giving Kenma all the comfort that he could take.