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When Haru realizes that he is in love with Daisuke, it’s a little too late.
Everyone has always said that he is too dense and oblivious for his own good, and he may very well miss his precious opportunities in the future if he stays that way for too long. Or, more severely, get himself in difficult circumstances.
The medical record in his hand is the brightest and clearest example anyone could get in his situation.
It was only a few coughs at first. The disease started to rear its ugly head by poking at his lungs and making him wheeze in the middle of a daily quarrel with Daisuke. It earned him a blunt remark “I thought idiots don’t get sick” from the other man, who later was quickly dismissed with a scowl and made Haru wonder if it was the right thing to open up to such an asshole.
When Haru slowly realizes that he has indeed fallen for the person he once thought of as his sworn enemy, the coughing has gotten worse. He remembers feeling cold all over when he saw tiny blue petals falling off of his mouth and gently landing on the smooth porcelain of the sink. The preparation for his morning that day has been left undone and Haru was so busy freaking out that he almost skipped work.
So, here he is, sitting by Daisuke on a bench inside the man’s private hospital, the test result crumpled in his fist. His coughing was so severe that their Chief has made the brunette take him to a clinic or something to properly get checked on. His head hungs low as he tries to balance his breathing and digest the cruel reality shoved to his face by fate. The only good thing left for now is that the object of his hopeless affection is comforting him with a hand gently squeezing his right shoulder and a pair of ocean blue eyes that have never left him for once since morning.
That silent way of caring has been the thing that made Haru fell for him in the first place.
“The doctor said they are ‘forget me not’ flower. Pft, what kind of name is that?”
Daisuke has HEUSC pull up a Google search as soon as that question came out of Haru’s mouth and shows him the results, to which Haru only hums.
“She said that it was pretty! Honestly, what fucking doctor dare call the cause of someone’s possible death ‘pretty’!? Even the forensic pathologists at out headquarter are more careful with their words than this!”
The black-haired man nods his head understandingly and mutters something like I will consider firing her under his breath.
“She also said that I don’t have much time left… Medicines and shit as such can only hold off for a little longer. The only option for me to survive is to take the surgery.”
Silence dreads between them for a moment. After a few suffocating minutes, Daisuke sheepishly speaks, a frown ever so visible on his face:
“Why is confessing not an option?”
“Hah.” Haru laughs bitterly. “As if they would accept my love.” As if you would accept my love. “We don’t exactly get along well.” We fight everyday, don’t you remember? “And they are way out of my league.” You are a multi-billionaire with a high status. You should be with someone at your level.
“… I see.”
They fall into contemplation after that. Again. Before the silence becomes too unbearable, Haru continues:
“I’m considering taking the surgery. Anyone with a sound mind would do so.” He inhales deeply to calm the waves of emotions churning inside his stomach. “But I don’t–” A hiccup finds its way out of his throat. “I don’t– want to forget.”
And he breaks down right there and then. Never in his thirty years of existence would Haru think that he would cry his eyes out like a little child in the middle of a hallway with people continuously passing by like this. It also never crossed his mind that he would love someone so dearly that he has to consider if he should die with his undying feelings for them or continue living with a permanent hollow in his heart.
In the middle of it all, Daisuke has wrapped his arms around Haru’s torso in an attempt to comfort him. The man clearly doesn’t know what to do to crying people, for his hands are in awkward positions and his body has fully leaned onto Haru’s while it was supposed to be the other way around. If Haru wasn’t busy swiping his tears, he would absolutely have a good laugh at the man’s face.
But he still feels thankful. If not for Daisuke, the pain in his lungs would never ease.
.
Daisuke has been assigned an important task.
After successfully comforting a very lovesick and miserable Haru under the curious eyes of the hospital staffs and patients, Daisuke has deemed it best to take the older man back to the coziness of his home. Haru needn’t work and cases to burden his already limp shoulders, espeacially when he has just had to face the most cruel fate anyone could ever ask for. With that thought in mind, Daisuke decides to drive Haru home first, then he will go to the headquarter to collect his things and bring them back to him.
After a year of working together, Haru has somehow broken the ice trapping Daisuke’s heart. His natural charisma and fierce personalities has drawn him in like a bulb tempting a firefly with its brilliant light. They have managed to form a friendship, and Daisuke was hoping for them to reach something more. And he still does, if not for the fact that Haru has just revealed being in love with someone else and he’s dying because of it.
Daisuke has never felt so sad seeing the man breaking down before his very own eyes. Sorrow dreaded through his body, from his heart to his brain and reaching down to the tip of his toes, as if Haru’s emotions have blended into his and they were both feeling the same thing. His chest tightens every time he shifts his eyes from the road and lands them on Haru, whose eyes are deep red and face is a deadly pale white.
Daisuke manages to tug Haru into bed before going out. He makes a mental note to buy some light sedatives, essential medicines for hanahaki and something nice for Haru to eat once he wakes up. But, first thing first, he has to go to the headquarter for the leftover business and a permission for absence.
The whole office has been put under a heavy ambience after Daisuke informed them of his partner’s sickness. They can only nod dumbfoundedly as the billionaire requests them to keep the fact that they have known of Haru’s condition from him, for the older man will absolutely hate it if anyone shows him any sign of sympathy or pity or anything alike.
Chief Kiyomizu looks at Haru’s medical record, concern clear as daylight on his face. He sighs, a brief of sadness visible in his tired eyes:
“He has my permission for absence today. He may need it more in the future, if he isn’t too stubborn.” A strained smile makes its way on his lips. “And, Kambe-kun, can I ask you something?”
“Please do.”
“His parents passed away a long time ago, and it seems to me that his relatives don’t care much about him. He doesn’t have close friends in this city either. Because you are his partner – the one literally closest to him right now, can I trust you with ensuring his well-being? I’m not asking you to take care of him everyday, I just need you to watch over him a little more closely whenever you two are together. That boy is so dedicated to this job that he will not give enough care about his own health, given any circumstances. So, can you do me that favor?”
Daisuke nods, a surge of determination suddenly filling his brain. It’s fine if Haru loves someone else. As long as he has a chance to take care of the older man, he can finally feel sated with his partially satisfied need to show his love. It will also help improve Haru’s health, too, so why not.
With that thought in mind, Daisuke’s determined to focus on the task at hand, which is trying his best to tend to Haru’s needs without being yelled at and punched in the face. Then, if necessary, the billionaire will have to persuade him to take the surgery. While Haru is always willing to sacrifice himself for others, Daisuke knows he’s not the type to die because of love. But, what if he changes his mind? What if he doesn’t want to keep living without being able to love? People’s mind is unpredictable and constantly changing, and Daisuke just has to prepare for the worst.
With a bag full of medicines and a box of bento that Haru likes the most in one hand, Daisuke goes back inside the house. His heart melts in an instance at the sight of the older man sleeping peacefully under the light blanket, surrounded by the cool breezes from the air conditioner. He leaves the bag on the bedside table and scribbles a few notes along with an instruction for the meds for Haru in case the man gets confused when he wakes up.
Daisuke has to refrain himself from stroking Haru’s hair in fear of waking him up and putting them in an awkward situation. He doesn’t forget to steal more than one glance at Haru before leaving.
.
Their days continue like that. They go to work and have their daily quarrel until a certain one of them coughs out petals, which makes the other have to admit losing to prevent that someone from talking too much. Daisuke always tells Haru to go home early to rest his already exhausted brain and lungs, and if he doesn’t, the black-haired man will drag him out by force to his car and drive him home. Haru’s scowling and yelling may be annoying, but what’s even more annoying is the fact that Haru literally gives no fuck about his health and sickness. If Daisuke isn’t there to force him to eat and nap, he will surely skip meals and sleeps and keep working until midnight. Plus, the man is always running at full speed to wherever he senses danger, only to wheeze violently after. And Daisuke, following like a little puppy behind due to the difference in height, has never felt so helpless.
No longer able to see the man he loves continue torturing himself, Daisuke decides to bring up the subject during their quarrel today.
“For fuck’s sake, Haru.”
The taupe-haired man stops picking up the petals scattering on the floor to look at him.
“The fuck?”
“Can’t you take better care of yourself? You’ve been three months through it already. I can see how bad your condition has gotten with my naked eyes. Everyone does, in fact. Are you trying to push yourself faster to the gate of hell?”
“Work always comes first.” Haru mutters while glaring daggers at Daisuke. “I can’t just stay home and rest while a ton of cases are waiting for me here. Many people’s lives are on the line, and it’s my job to keep them safe.”
“And then put your live on the line in return? What the fuck Haru!?” The black-haired man exclaims in frustration. “It’s our job, not just yours! Can’t you just trust us with it? Why bear it all by yourself? And how the hell are you going to save them in such a bad state?”
“I’m going to save them as best as I can! At least it’s better than throwing money and ordering people around like a rich bastard!”
“Jesus.” Daisuke slaps his own face in exhaustion. “And here I thought idiots couldn’t get sick.”
“Fuck yeah, they get hanahaki.” Haru snarls in return. Having picked up all the petals, he stands up and angrily storms out for a trash can and probably something to cool off his head.
Daisuke sighs as he sees Haru’s back disapearing through the door. The man’s skull is impossibly hard to crack and arguing his ideals is just challenging. Everyone in the office gives him empathetic looks and assuring smiles. The billionaire only nods at them in acknowledgement of their kindness before going back to his seat to comtemplate what other methods he should use to convince Haru.
Turns out he doesn’t have to do anything for Haru to realize how bad his sickness has gotten.
.
The bad thing happens about one week later, when the two of them have to work on an abducting case. The suspect has fled from the crime scene, and before Daisuke could even utter a word of preventation, Haru is already on his feet. Haru, as usual, has gone on long strides and full speed, much to Daisuke’s horror. They have successfully caught the suspect, and the black-haired man is about to give his partner a very good scolding when Haru does a thing that scares him for life.
He wheezes.
But not the usual wheezing. The coughing this time is so hard that it puts Haru on his knees, hands clutching desperately at his chest. The blue petals of forget me not fall out of his mouth, along with something fluid and red.
Daisuke’s face pales at the sight.
He frantically comes to Haru’s side, a hand rubs at his back in an attempt to ease his violent coughs while the other joins Haru’s on his chest. He watches in fear as the petals land on a puddle of blood, which is spreading wider and wider. Daisuke practically moves on autopilot as he orders HEUSC to call for paramedic, all the while trying his best to calm Haru from his wheezing. The face the older man is wearing will be something Daisuke can never forget for the rest of his life: horrified, bloody, tear-stained and full of regret.
His mind runs wild the whole time in the ambulance to the hospital.
.
“I guess you were right.” Haru whispers two hours later on a hospital bed.
Daisuke raises a perfect brow at him, to which the other only rolls his eyes.
“That I should have taken better care of myself.”
The billionaire huffs in agreement.
“Have I ever lied to you?”
Haru stays quiet for a moment, bleary golden eyes landing on nowhere in particular.
“No.”
Silence drapes over them both, but it’s not uncomfortable. Haru deosn’t want to say anything at the moment so he just idly lies there watching Daisuke read his medical record. He can make out the almost inaudible tongue-clickings and the light head-shakings here and there, but doesn’t hear any complaints or scolding that he should have received. His partner has finally learnt to be sensitive for once, it seems, even though he has every right to scream at Haru’s face for putting himself at risk like he just did a few hours ago.
Two months left, if you refuse the surgery, the doctor has said. Haru’s hands automatically tighten around the blanket he has been holding at the memory.
Even if he continues living and forget it all, will he be happy?
Haru’s not so sure. He has never felt this unsure in his life, impatient and hasty and always quick to make a decision as he is. However, this is not a matter that can be decided in just a short amount of time. It’s his life, after all, and after the earlier incident that has caused his sickness to fasten its progress, he feels even more anxious. Now that Haru has achieved a little time to himself because no one will ever allow him to work in this state, he can finally thinks properly. About the pros and cons of each option, for example.
Option 1: Dying with an immortal love for Daisuke.
That does sounds peaceful and pretty. Ridiculous or not, many people have actually chosen to die holding their unyielding love in their heart. Even though Haru doesn’t consider himself the romantic kind, he has to admit that he understands how those people felt. That affection you have for someone is precious and beautiful beyond words. If you asked Haru to describe his feelings for Daisuke, he would do nothing but blush and wave it off, saying don’t you dare assume that, why would I fall for that asshole! because he doesn’t really know what to say about them.
On the downside, well. Too many downsides, in fact. Love is beautiful, indeed, but Haru is not the type to die for such… seemingly trivial reason. He lives for his ideals and purposes: to ensure citizens’ safety and security, to lower the crime rates in Japan and to serve the community wholeheartedly. Daisuke was right, how could he achieve those goals if he were to die? Besides, his death will absolutely bother everyone else. Hoshino Ryou will certainly never expect his well-respected senpai to die because of love, and his colleagues either. He can literally imagine the purple head’s cringed face when he hears the news and it’s just hillarious.
Option 2: Living with a high chance of being dead inside.
This sounds more attractive to him, Haru truthfully admits it himself. He can continue to serve his country and his people and devote his whole being to the life of an Inspector. That’s what he has been living for, and he’s not going to give it up that easily.
However, Haru doesn’t want to forget. He never wants to forget such beautiful feelings. Plus, there’s a high chance that people may loose their ability to love after the surgery. Eternally. About six out of ten. Too risky, too dangerous. To live a life loving no one and not being loved in return, then dying alone in the end? That sounds too lonely and gruelsome, even for Haru.
Well, time for some consultance.
“Hey Daisuke.”
The man in question raises his head from the record and looks at him questioningly.
“If I die,” Haru swallows. “What are you gonna do?”
The billionaire frowns. Hard.
“I’m not going to let that happen.”
“Why?” The taupe-haired man is taken aback from that answer. He didn’t expect that at all.
“Because you are my partner. I don’t want to b–” Daisuke hesitates for a moment. “–w–work with anyone else but you.”
Haru has to suppress an unimpressed look from showing on his face.
“Well, that makes sense. Guess no one else can tolerate you like I do.”
Daisuke chuckles at his remark. That’s surprising.
“True. But to answer your earlier question,” He hums thoughtfully. “I will mourn for you for as long as I can. And maybe retire.”
“What.” Saying Haru is dumbfounded is an understatement.
“As I said: I don’t want to work with anyone but you. You are the best partner I can ever get, however idiotic you are.”
Okay. Haru gulps, his cheeks blushing furiously. One more reason not to die.
“Daisuke.” The older croaks out. “I think I’m going to take the surgery.”
.
Days pass by in a blur. Haru has been banned from going to the headquarter and had to work from home since the day he decided to take the surgery. There was a bit of objection and struggling at first, but they mananged to make it work and then everything was good for everyone.
One month before the operation day, Daisuke asked their Chief to allow him to work from home with Haru and successfully got the old man’s permission. It had felt so lonely without the older man in the office. Once in a while, Daisuke would go to the headquarter to pick up as many case files as he could get his hands on and bring them back to Haru’s house. They would then work together on those cases, with Haru being the brain and Daisuke being the means of contact between them and their colleagues. The black-haired man has made himself an indispensible part of Haru’s daily life, with them cooking and eating and working together under the same roof. The man was with him every time petals forced their way out of his throat along with blood sometimes, helping him wipe his face and cleaning the mess. He even insisted on sleeping on Haru’s couch, in case anything happened to him during the night.
Now that Haru thinks about it, it was freaking out of character of Daisuke.
At the moment, Haru is once again in the hospital, surrounded by deadly white walls. The medical cap feels itchy against his head. Its blue colour makes him feel sick. Even his deadly flowers look more pretty and pleasant.
“It’s time.” A doctor shows up at the door, cutting off his train of thought. He gives him an assuring smile, but all Haru can feel is anxiety eating at his brain.
On his way to the operation room, Haru briefly wonders if he has made the right choice. If he will live happily and unbothered of an unrequited love. If he will ever be able to love again.
Daisuke is already at the door of the operation room, waiting for him. There’s also his sister, along with their colleagues there. Even Hoshino came, a worrying look on his face. It has been years since the last time his kouhai gave him such an expression.
Haru rolls his eyes as everyone shove their faces and words of encouragement at him. He gives them the most carefree grin he can manange to ease their heart:
“Don’t worry, It’s just a surgery. It won’t last long.”
Then, he shifts his gaze to Daisuke. The man is wearing a strangely sad look, his ocean blue eyes look like they are wavering. Haru hates it. Isn’t Daisuke always supportive of his decision to take this surgery? Why is he looking so sad?
The sight makes him feel reluctant to say the next words.
But Haru is going to forget his feelings for Daisuke very soon. And even if it may affect their relationship forever, Haru doesn’t want any lingering regret remaining in his head. Everyone has praised him of his bravery, and now is time to let it show.
So, Haru gestures for Daisuke to bow down so his lips can reach the man’s ears:
“I love you. So fucking much.”
The last thing Haru can see before being wheeled into the operation room is Daisuke’s shocked face and the wide ocean eyes he has been in love with in the first place.
.
Daisuke feels like there’s electricity running through his system.
Those words Haru said to him before disappearing into the room, he can’t find the mind and strength to digest them.
The one Haru has been to hell and back for is him? The one that has caused him to shread his sweats, blood and tears is him? Daisuke doesn’t know what to feel anymore. Should he be happy that their feelings are mutual? Should he blame himself for causing Haru pain? What should he do now? His mind has gone on a mile a minute and it’s too hard to think straight. It’s so shocking and overwhelming that Daisuke can’t find the ability to even breathe.
“Hey!” Suzue slaps his cheeks multiple times, which has successfully snapped him out of his panic. “What are you still doing here? Go get your man!”
Just that is enough of an encouragement. Daisuke immediately leaps for the operation room. He pushes open the door, startling everyone including Haru, who luckily hasn’t been put to sleep just yet. He completely ignores a nurse who tries to stop him from going further and goes on long stride to the bed Haru is lying on. Daisuke kneels by the side of his head so he can face the confused older man and whisper to his ears the words that he has longed to let out:
“Me too.”
“The fuck.” Asks a puzzled Haru, who is raising an eyebrow at him incredulously.
Daisuke refrains himself from rolling his eyes.
“I love you too, you idiot.”
Haru’s eyes widen. After a long moment of silence trying to get the little information into his partially malfunctioned brain, he finally huffs:
“Damn right I am. I’m such an idiot for getting hanahaki for you.”
Then, a dazzling smile blooms on his lips. His eyes are sparkling with happiness and Daisuke has never felt so ready to dive in that precious pool of gold.
“Well, what can I do now? You are my idiot after all.”
They laugh and hug and kiss with other people cheering in the background. Daisuke can vaguely make out a both of you are idiots from an unimpressed Suzue but he is too busy drowning himself in the feeling of Haru’s lips against his to even care.
But she’s right. They are indeed both idiots.
.
.
.
“What the hell? Did you seriously have forget me not planted in the garden?”
“They marked a memorable milestone to our relationship, didn’t they? Besides, they are beautiful.”
“They almost got me killed.”
“I prevented that.”
“Move them away or I’m getting a divorce.”
“…”
- The End -