Chapter Text
“For you,” Dina shoved the jar of beans into your hands. A wide smile graced her face, the type that crinkles the eyes and makes her dimples pop.
Dina had showed up unannounced as your door, shifting her weight from foot-to-foot. She just got back from a patrol with Ellie, where she apparently found a gift for you.
You eyed the jar curiously. “For me,” you stated. If all the years you’ve known Dina would tell you anything, it’s that she won’t take no for an answer. You could try, though. “Dina, you know-“
“‘I don’t drink coffee. It’s gross. It makes me too hyper,’” Dina mocked you. “Come on, just take the gift!” She placed the jar in your hands, “Do you know how hard it is to find these things?”
You shook the jar a bit, guilt beginning to creep in. You’re not going to drink it, but throwing it out would just be a blatant waste. You sighed, “I do, hun, that’s why I don’t want it.”
Dina rolled her eyes, pushing past you and into your living space. She kicked off her boots as she settled down on your couch. She raised an eyebrow at you, “I never said that you’re the one who needs to drink them.”
You stomach twisted in your body. “No,” you laughed, “no way in hell, Dina.”
Your secret little crush. Well, somewhat secret. Your friends know that you have a crush, but they don’t know who. All they knows is that he’s a guy in Jackson, a few anecdotes you have with him, and his affinity for coffee. The latter fact you now regret sharing. That’s all, though. As much as you love Dina, there was no way you would- could -ever disclose your mystery crush.
You felt nauseous thinking about anybody finding out. Oh god, you thought, Ellie. How could you ever tell her? “Hey, Ellie, my dear friend. Remember that mystery guy that I’ve been crushing on for months? It’s your old man!” Ellie would kill you. Well, maybe not kill, Dina wouldn’t allow that. But how would you ever look her in the eyes again? You couldn’t.
Then comes the problem that is him. Joel Miller. He’s gruff, cold, and old enough to be your dad. You’ve spoken to him plenty- hell, he’s your patrol partner -but every single conversation has pointed to the fact that he thinks of you as a kid, Ellie’s friend, and nothing more. But then, your mind twists your ideas. He’ll say goodbye to you. Was that a bit of sadness in his eyes? He’ll hand you the patrol schedule. Did his hands linger with yours a bit too long? No, your mind is simply playing tricks on you. Though, you can’t help but wonder.
Dina laughed loudly, throwing her head back, “Yes! Come on! How long have you been crushing on this guy?”
“Dina,” you shoved the jar back in her hands and sat on the arm of the couch. Your hands ran across your face. “You don’t understand.”
“Don’t understand what?” Dina jumped up arms waving frantically. She pulled your hands from your face, looking into your eyes. “Hun, you’ve been crazy for this guy for months. Please, just make a move, it can’t be that bad. Right?”
It can’t be that bad.
Right?
You trudged down the sidewalk, the jar of coffee beans tucked neatly under your arm. Clouds lined the sky, dimming the little light that the evening allowed.
You finally reached Joel’s block and stopped. Were you really doing this?
You almost turned back around when you caught eyes with Joel. He was out on his porch, plucking the strings of his guitar. He stopped for a moment when he saw you, throwing a wave and a smile your way.
Here goes nothing.
You were one of the lucky few in Jackson that could actually enjoy the company of Joel. He took a liking to you when he first settled down in Jackson with Ellie. It was probably because you and Dina were so friendly with her. Once you were finally old enough and experienced enough to go on patrols, you were often assigned with Joel. The two of you worked well together. Even on Joel’s bad days, and, boy, were there some bad days, the two of you got along. Finally, after a few months of the occasional shared patrol, you and Joel officially paired up as patrol partners.
It was easy to take a liking to him, too easy. As the months went by, you found yourself enjoying the patrols a little too well. It didn’t help that your mind was trying to make his every move into some kind of advance. But it wasn’t. It never would be. Joel’s not interested.
Before you knew it, you were standing at Joel’s mailbox, a comfortable distance from him.
“Evening, Joel,” you said, hands gripping the jar tighter.
Joel leaned back in his rocking chair. He rested the guitar against the siding of the house, and smirked. “And to what do I owe the pleasure?”
You chucked. Were your palms getting clammy? Not good. Very not good, especially when you were holding a glass jar with tons of coffee beans. “I- uh, well, I-“
“What’s that you’re holdin’?”
Oh, Joel, bless you and your impatience.
“Actually,” you took a breath, regaining your confidence. As you spoke, you took a few more steps from his mailbox to the railing of his porch. “This-“ you set the jar on the railing, holding it steady with both hands, “-is what I’m here for.”
Joel leaned forward, “I’m listening.”
“Well, you see, I’ve recently become the owner of this lovely jar of coffee beans.” At the mention of coffee, you saw Joel perk up a little. “The problem is, I don’t drink coffee.”
Joel got up from his chair to meet you at the other end of the railing. He placed one hand on the railing and the other on the top of the jar. He looked down at you as he spoke. “That’s a real shame,” he muttered.
“Yeah,” you founds your eyes dancing around his face, examining how the low lighting gave him an entire new look. You found yourself leaning closer to him, “It really is a shame, but I think you can help me out here.”
Joel quirked an eyebrow, his lips spreading into a teasing smile. “I can?”
“Yes, because if there’s one thing that I know about my good friend Joel Miller, it’s that he-“ you punctuated your words by shoving he jar to him, “-loves a good cup of Joe.”
Joel let out a hearty laugh, the type that has made your heart flutter so many times on your patrols together.
“So,” you hummed, “what do you say?”
“I say, ‘thank you’,” Joel mused. He turned the jar around a few times in his hands, examining its contents. “You sure you don’t want it?”
You laughed, “Positive.”
You caught yourself releasing a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. A feeling of relief and, maybe even a little, pride rushed over your body. He liked it.
Those feelings quickly dissipated as you couldn’t stay much longer. You were interrupting Joel’s private time.
You took a step back from the railing. “I’ll leave you to it, Joel.” You turned and started heading back to the street.
“Wait a minute, now,” Joel said.
You stopped and turned to face Joel once more, heart pounding in your chest. Please, please, ask me to stay.
“You leavin’?”
Please ask me to stay.
“Uh, yeah, I am.”
Please ask me to stay.
“Listen,” Joel rubbed the curve of the jar, as if he was polishing it. “I ain’t gotta get up early tomorrow. Why don’t you come in, and I can fix you up something to drink.“
Oh good Lord above, thank you.
You tried to play off the pounding of your heart in your chest. “What, you’re gonna make me a cup of coffee?”
Joel laughed, now making his way inside, “Something tells me that you wouldn’t drink it if I did.”
You followed him to the door, stopping before you entered his house. “I would have to say that you’re right, old man.”
Joel turned to look at you, setting the jar on a side table. His eyebrows were raised high “Old man? Really? Old man?” He shook his head, chuckling at your teasing. “Get on in here.”
You stepped inside and closed the door, peering into the street one last time. Lord, if anybody saw that you were at Joel Miller’s house late at night, you would be bombarded with questions the next morning, it doesn’t matter that the two of you were just chatting.
“So,” you said, scanning his house. You had been there a handful of times, but only to meet before a patrol, never to fraternize. You turned to him with a smirk, “What do you have to drink?”
Joel laughed, it was another one of those hearty, butterfly-inducing laughs, “Well, I got water, coffee, and some whiskey. So, for you, I got some water and whiskey.”
“Is it top-shelf?”
Joel chuckled, leading you to the dining room. “It’s some of the worst, most bitter shit I’ve ever tasted in my life.”
You leaned in the door frame, “Let’s give ‘er a go then, shall we?”
“Go make yourself comfortable while I fix us the drinks.”
You made your way to the living room. It was quaint. Pictures and carvings lined the shelves and mantle. You took a quick look at them, but didn’t get close enough to impose. You settled down as Joel came in, glasses and bottle in hand.
“Coming in here with the bottle,” you teased, “It’s almost like you’re trying to get me tipsy.”
Joel huffed, “You wish. As shit as this whiskey is, I ain’t wasting it all in one night. Plus,” Joel handed you your glass, “you’re the one who wanted to drink.”
You graciously accepted the glass and took a sip. Wow, Joel was right.
“What’s with the scowl?”
You set the glass down, leaning your cheek on the back of the couch to look at Joel. “That stuff is shit.” You tucked your legs to the side, feet on the couch. Joel wouldn’t mind your feet up. Probably.
“I told you,” Joel said as he took a swig. He set the glass down, next to yours. “Thank you, again.”
You raised your eyebrows.
“For the coffee,” Joel fumbled. “I appreciate it. It’s been a while since I’ve had some.”
“Oh,” you grabbed your glass again. You didn’t drink it just yet. It was more of a safety blanket to hold. It also allowed you a moment to think and to calm your nerves. “Yeah, well, think of it as a favor for last week and that clicker.”
Joel shook his head and pinched his nose at the memory. It was a close call, with you pinned to a tree and a clicker gnashing its teeth far too close to your neck. “You’re going to need to give me a little more for that one.” His eyes met yours and you froze. They were glazed over with something you couldn’t quite name. It was passionate and fueled, yet so tender. Chills ran up your spine.
“I guess I’ll have to find some other way to repay you.” At this, you took a swig, downing the rest of your glass, relishing the burn.
Joel was quiet for a moment. His eyes raked over you, studying your movement. You were comfortable, sitting on his couch, that much was clear. Still, he couldn’t read you as well as he wanted to.
“What do you want?” He asked.
You tensed at his question, facing him now.
“What is this?” Joel finished his own whiskey, topping it off. He eyed you as he held the bottle above your glass. You nodded, and he filled it up. “You come here in the middle of the night with a gift.” He crept closer to you with each word. “Coffee- I maybe spoke to you once about it, and yet, you remembered. And now we’re drinking buddies?” His words were harsh, but you knew him well enough to know that there was no true hostility. The man was genuinely curious, dangerously so.
“It’s what you want it to be, Joel,” you whispered. Your noses were mere inches apart now. You could feel his breath fan over your face.
“Are you drunk?”
You laughed, “Joel, you know me well enough to know that one glass of some cheap whiskey is not going to get me drunk.”
He laughed again, hot breath once again fanning over your face. “You’re right about that.” He took a sip, eyes never leaving yours. His fingers ran along the rim of his glass.
It was quiet, whether it was for one minute or ten, you didn’t care. All that mattered was him; his eyes, how they never left yours; his hair, how it was just a bit too long, but so flattering; the grays in his beard, how it added a pleasant contrast to the dark brown; his tongue, how it flicked out to graze over his lips. You couldn’t get enough.
“So, Joel,” you broke the silence, “What do you want this to be?”
You left ten minutes later, heart pounding in your chest and blood rushing in your ears. A wistful smile graced your, still tingling, lips.
On your way home, you ran into nobody. It was a good thing, really. You weren’t too sure that you could lie if anybody asked you where you had been. You weren’t sure that you wanted to lie about it.
You unlocked your door and stepped in, not even bothering to turn on the light. You sat on the edge of your bed and sighed. You did it.
“See you tomorrow.”
“You know it, cowboy.“
As you rolled over to sleep, you couldn’t quite wipe the dumbass-smile off of your face.
You stepped into the mess hall, still high off of last night.
You grabbed your food and turned to see Dina and Ellie sitting at a nearby table. The couple grinned like idiots, staring at you.
You rolled your eyes and walked over to meet them. You set your food down and sat at the opposite side of the table.
Dina and Ellie were practically bouncing out of their seats. They were bumping shoulders, watching as you ate.
Finally, you decided to humor them. “What?”
Ellie grabbed your food and yanked it towards her. “Did you do it?”
You rolled your eyes, “If I tell you, do I get my food back?”
Dina kicked you from underneath the table. “Yes! Please just make it quick, we need to know!”
You pulled your food back. “I gave it to him,” you said nonchalantly. “He appreciated it.”
“And-?” The girls said in unison.
“And,” you took a bite out of some eggs, chewing thoroughly for effect, “We kissed-“
“Motherfucker, hell yeah!” Ellie punched the air. Dina squealed. They wrapped their arms around each other and rocked back and forth. A smile made its way to your lips as you watched their giddy reaction.
Finally, after the couple took a moment to calm down, Dina spoke, “Does this mean that you’re going to finally tell us who the lucky man is?”
You laughed at this, hearty, genuinely, not too different from Joel’s. “No, it does not.”
Ellie and Dina erupted into protests. It was a bit funny, but you still filtered them out as you ate. They whined and complained, drawing a few quiet complaints from the other patrons of the mess hall.
As the girls calmed down, a familiar figure walked into the hall. You were too preoccupied with your potatoes and eggs to notice him approach you. It wasn’t until his hand landed on your shoulder did you realize his presence.
Joel stood above you, a piping-hot mug of coffee filled his hands. “Thank you for the coffee,” he said, emphasizing his words with a hearty sip. “I really appreciate it.”
Joel looked away from you, hand still on your shoulder. He tossed a smile Ellie and Dina’s way, before continuing on his merry way.
Your fork fell onto your plate, as your eyes fell to the couple in front of you.
Two pairs of wide eyes stared back at you. The two girls gaped at you, both failing to find words. Ellie was beet-red, likely pissed, confused, or both.
You placed your hands on the edge of the table, tapping it lightly. “I...I can explain.”
“Oh, you better.”