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“Jean, are you sure this is a good idea?”
“I thought you wanted an adventure? This is one! We’re going to be fine, Armin. Come on.”
They were clinging onto summer. Autumn would bring change that neither was quite ready for yet. Over coffee, Armin had wistfully talked about going on an adventure. He hadn’t expected it to happen, not really, but Jean took his words to heart just like he always did, and the next night, they were off. Jean had a rusty old pickup truck he’d bought from their friend Bertholdt, and it was his pride and joy. Armin had spent August in its passenger seat, but it was early September now. Jean had a new job lined up, and Armin was taking university classes online, trying to finish his degree in two years instead of four. They were growing up, though they were still young - adults, technically, but still children at heart, freshly eighteen. There were many more summers ahead of them, but there was also a feeling in the air that these months were the last precious few before everything changed.
They had left the truck behind on a dirt road and snuck over a fence that was plastered with signs that read Private property. Trespassers will be prosecuted. They both pulled out their phones and used the screen to light their path, rather than the torch that shone much brighter from the back, because they didn’t want to be spotted from far away. Jean kept getting scratched by thistles because he was wearing shorts even when Armin told him it was a bad idea.
It was an incredibly quiet night. To Armin, their whispers sounded loud, and the nervousness he felt was increasing with each step, each rustling leaf, each branch that snapped under their shoes. In the distance, the slow roll of the ocean tide was calling out to him, dragging him forwards, just like Jean. It was cold out - the early autumn wind was a little biting, but Jean’s hand felt warm when Armin held it.
A nearby owl let out a loud hoot and it startled Armin so badly that he had to cover his mouth to muffle the shriek of fear that came from him out of pure instinct. Jean laughed, a lot more relaxed than Armin was, and squeezed his hand before shooting him a look that teasingly asked if he was alright. They knew each other so well that Armin’s subtle roll of his eyes and raised eyebrows easily conveyed that he was fine back to Jean.
It was silly, Armin thought, but there was something romantic about this. He had always been so good that there was a thrill that came with breaking the rules. He’d never gotten in trouble before. He’d never tried anything even close to breaking the law before. Trust his boyfriend to bring out that side in him - Jean had always tried to take Armin out of his comfort zone.
The stars were out, and they were much more beautiful out in nature than in the city. Armin felt such a sense of awe when he looked up at them, much like how he felt when he saw the ocean. There was something about the endlessness of the sea and the sky that excited him. Jean always said that the expanse of all that nothing scared him, that it made him feel insignificant. Armin liked it; it gave him a sense of purpose, inspired him. There was so much in the world, and he got to be alive to see it. It made him feel like he could do anything.
Maybe that invincible feeling was what Armin was chasing after as they made their way through the private land, down to the beach owned by whatever rich person that lived here. It would be fine, he thought. The land was most likely vacant, or it held a vacation home that would be empty now that the leaves were turning orange and the nights were getting longer. He didn’t want to admit it, but the part of himself that had longed for this adventure in the first place was almost itching for something exciting, something memorable to happen. He didn’t want to get into trouble, but… the possibility in and of itself was alluring.
They turned a corner, and as they did they both saw an old country home with a modern extension sat perched on the cliffside, looking out over the ocean. Both of them stopped, hearts racing, hiding behind a tree, listening for any sign of life or movement. There was nothing - no lights on in the house, no distant footsteps, no muffled TV noise from inside. They were in the clear.
Jean squeezed Armin’s hand and Armin squeezed right back. They held on tightly to each other as they started making their way down a tiny cliffside path that wound all the way down to the beach below. Armin felt breathless just looking at the shore and the small, round cove. It made him sad to know that such a beautiful piece of nature could be owned by a person who chose to keep it all for themselves - that was the other reason Armin was so anxiously excited for his little piece of rebellion. They weren’t going to damage anything or hurt any of the wildlife. Both of them just wanted to go somewhere they had never been before, to see something they had never seen before. Armin loved adventure, and Jean loved Armin.
“Don’t fall,” Jean whispered, watching Armin’s step as their path became narrower. Armin pointed his phone down to check his footing and saw that sand had been tracked halfway up the cliffside, little piles on each of the steps. It made him smile.
“I won’t,” Armin whispered back.
“Good. If you did, we’d have a hard time getting help out here,” Jean chuckled quietly. “Let’s hope I don’t fall and break my leg.”
“Jean, why even put that thought in my head?”
“It adds to the danger.”
“You’re just making me worried about you,” Armin muttered, but even though he was annoyed, he was still smiling.
The tide was in. It was almost midnight, and there were no clouds in the sky, so the half-moon was casting its long, bright reflection on the water. It felt almost too perfect to be real - one of those moments that Armin knew in five, ten, twenty years he would look back on with fondness. He turned to Jean, who seemed entranced by the view as well, until he turned and gave Armin a grin.
“Are you going in?” He asked. Now that they were down on the beach, they could talk at a normal volume again.
“Shall we?” Armin asked, feeling an excitement bubbling up in his chest where the worry from before had been. The ocean was freezing cold, and neither of them had towels, but Armin didn’t care. He wanted to make the most of this and try and forget about the details for once in his life - he wanted to have fun without thinking so much. He wanted memories of this summer because it felt important.
“Why the hell not?” Jean laughed, kicking off his shoes. His voice was loud and happy, and his mood was infectious. Armin copied him, tucking his socks neatly into his shoes before taking a moment to appreciate the way the sand felt between his toes. Maybe things that were forbidden always felt a little better, but Armin could have sworn the sand was finer, that the view was more beautiful, that the ocean looked like it stretched out further.
Jean stripped off into his underwear, ever the show-off, and Armin kept his T-shirt on. They left their clothes folded up next to their shoes and phones and started walking down the beach towards the ocean. It was reckless. There was no phone signal here, nobody around to help if they got hurt or lost. Despite the recklessness of the entire situation, Armin knew that he had to be cautious.
“Don’t go in so far that you can’t touch the sand anymore,” Armin whispered. He was clinging on tight to Jean’s hand, shaking from anticipation, excitement, fear, and what felt like a thousand other emotions all vying for his attention.
“Alright,” Jean nodded, and it made Armin relieved to know that he seemed to understand the importance of being somewhat safe too.
Armin looked down at their feet as the waves rolled up just close enough to barely touch their toes. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest, that strange energy he felt when he was near the ocean, the endless view that reminded him that anything was possible. He stepped forward first, his body reacting instantly to the cold when the seawater washed over him, reaching up to his ankles.
“Shit!” Jean shrieked. “It’s freezing!”
“It’s supposed to be!” Armin laughed, tugging on Jean’s hand, trying to lead him a little deeper into the water. “Come on!”
“You’re crazy!”
“You’re the one that took me here!”
Armin splashed Jean with water, laughing even harder when he saw the look on his boyfriend’s face before he splashed him right back. The cold water hit him square in the chest and drenched the front of his shirt. Armin gasped, in shock for a moment as his body reacted to the extreme change in temperature. Reaching up to tie his hair back from his face, there was a playful challenge in Armin’s eyes that was mirrored in Jean’s too.
“You’re on,” Jean said. The way they fought each other was entirely childish, neither of them going to hurt the other, just harmless messing around that only resulted in them both getting soaked down to the bone by freezing seawater.
Armin tried to run from Jean, but he’d never been fast, especially not whilst this cold, and the water up to his knees was slowing him down even more. Jean caught him easily, wrapping his arms around Armin’s middle from behind, and he lifted him out of the water effortlessly like Armin weighed nothing at all.
“Jean!” Armin laughed, terrified despite knowing that Jean would never hurt him. “Put me down!”
“Say I win first,” Jean teased. His hands felt warm around Armin’s waist. It was nice. He was always nice.
“Okay, okay, you win!” Armin promised, trying to squirm out of his grip. “You win!”
“Thank you,” Jean accepted, but as soon as he put Armin down, Armin splashed him and ran off again.
“I had my fingers crossed!” He cackled. “It doesn’t count!”
“How old are you?” Jean asked, but Armin knew he found it at least a little bit cute. That was just how Jean was.
Armin kept running parallel to the beach, not wanting to get too far from him as they had to be careful, but out of splashing range at the very least. He couldn’t hear Jean chasing after him, and he knew he was probably waiting for him to get tired so he could really win their little play fight.
But something told Armin to stop, and as he did, his mood shifted, the laughter and excitement fading as he found himself getting a little emotional. Looking down, he saw the outline of a seashell under the water, though it was difficult to see when they only had the moonlight and stars. He bent down, reaching under the water to retrieve it, and gasped softly when he saw the shell in his hands.
“What’s that?” Jean asked, making his way over.
“Look at this shell,” Armin murmured.
“That’s gorgeous. You should take it home with you.”
“Really?”
“Why the hell not?” Jean asked. “Take it!”
“I think I will,” Armin murmured. He looked down at the shell and then over to Jean, smiling sadly. He wanted this to last forever. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want things to change, he didn’t want to grow up.
“You okay?” Jean asked, reaching down to take Armin’s hand. “You look like you’re going to cry all of a sudden.”
“Yeah, I’m… I’m okay,” Armin sniffed. He wanted to wipe his eyes, but his shirt had gotten soaking wet. “I don’t want to cry, we’re supposed to be having fun. I don’t even know why I’m so emotional.”
“Because you’re always emotional,” Jean said. “Here. I know something that will take your mind off it.”
Jean leaned in, one hand on Armin’s waist as he pulled him close and pressed their lips together. He tasted like saltwater but Armin didn’t mind; it was Jean, so he was happy. He kissed him like they would never have to worry about anything again - that was how Armin felt when Jean was close to him like this. Somehow, Jean calmed him down and could make him smile in a way that nobody else knew how to do, and that was one of the many reasons why he loved him so much.
“Better?” Jean asked when he pulled back, offering him that smile that was somewhere between a smirk and a cocky grin.
“Better,” Armin agreed.
“Good,” Jean said, and he splashed Armin one more time, soaking him from head to toe. Armin yelled out and went to get him back, surprised that he’d spoiled the moment, but Jean lifted him off his feet and slung him over his shoulder.
“Jean!” Armin shrieked. “Put me down!”
“I win, and it’s for real this time, no tricks!” Jean exclaimed.
Armin kicked his legs, laughing as he held on for dear life to Jean and the seashell, not wanting to drop it or be dropped.
“Alright, alright! Just put me down!”
“Not until we’re back on the sand!”
Jean carried him up the beach and they both toppled to the ground by their clothes, shivering and panting for breath. Armin could feel sand sticking to him, the only part of going to the beach he really disliked. He didn’t want to let himself get too annoyed by it, though, not when he wanted to enjoy this moment with Jean.
For a little while, they lay there, side by side, holding hands as they looked up. The ocean was so dark, and they were so cold, but it still felt nice. More than nice. Armin watched the line where the stars stopped and the water began, then mapped the stars and realised they were facing east. The sun would rise in front of them from behind the ocean the next morning and Armin wished that they could have stayed long enough to see it. But it never felt like there was enough time. For the sunrise, or for anything.
“You’re worrying about something, aren’t you?” Jean asked.
“Mm,” Armin said. He didn’t want to lie; he knew there was no point in lying to Jean because he would see right through him.
“Can I guess what it is?”
“Sure,” Armin said. “Go ahead.”
“I think you’re worried that we’re not going to get to do stuff like this anymore,” Jean said, rolling onto his side so he was looking at Armin. “Or that I’ll get too busy to hang out with you.”
“You’re right,” Armin murmured. He kept his eyes out on the ocean, watching how it stretched out. “It just… feels like we’re growing up. It’s exciting, and it’s scary. I can’t predict what’s going to happen, or how everything is going to change. One minute it feels great, like I can do whatever I want, and the next, I just feel out of control…”
“You need to stop stressing out so much,” Jean told him. “You’re smart, Ar, but nobody in the world is smart enough to predict every single thing that’s going to happen. But you’re adaptable. Things will probably be a bit different, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be happy, and it certainly doesn’t mean I’m ever going to stop making time for you. We can still do stuff like this.”
“Jean…”
“And stop worrying about change that hasn’t even happened yet! You think you know everything, nerd?” Jean continued, poking him in the side. “We’re right here, aren’t we? Focus on right now for once.”
“You’re right,” Armin said, wiping away his tears and smiling at his boyfriend.
“I’m always right,” Jean said, and he gave Armin a smile right back. “The only thing we need to worry about right now is warming the hell up. I’m going to freeze my ass off.”
“Maybe going into the ocean was a bad idea.”
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Then it was a great idea. What time is it?”
Armin reached over to check his phone, his eyes widening when he saw the time. “Half twelve.”
“Is your grandpa going to be alright with us coming back so late?”
“He doesn’t mind,” Armin nodded. “As long as we’re quiet when we let ourselves back in.”
“Cool. We’ve got a while then.”
“Yeah,” Armin smiled. “Do you want to listen to music for a bit?”
“Only if I can cuddle you.”
“Alright… since it’s cold out.”
Armin put on the playlist Jean had made for him the year before. He’d never been into music much until he got together with Jean, and it was just one of the many ways Jean had changed his life for the better. Before they got too comfortable, Armin peeled off his wet shirt and squeezed all the water he could out before laying it flat on a rock to dry a little more. He stumbled back over to Jean in the dark and lay with his head on his chest, shivering violently until their body heat started to warm them both. Armin wanted to remember everything about this moment. He closed his eyes and tried to commit his other senses to memory, the feeling of Jean’s warmth and his hand on his waist; the sound of their favourite songs and the ocean and the wind; the smell of the seawater and Jean and fresh air.
When they were dry and a little warm, they were able to brush the sand from their legs. Though they had to suffer through their underwear being a bit uncomfortable, they could at least get dressed again. Jean gave Armin his t-shirt as it was his fault Armin’s got so soaking wet. It was too big on Armin, but that had never stopped him from stealing Jean’s clothes before.
“You look cute,” Jean said, poking him in the shoulder.
“Maybe you ought to lend me more of your clothes then,” Armin teased.
“Nice try. You already have half of my hoodies,” Jean said. “I’m not letting you steal any more.”
“I said lend, not steal!”
“Do I ever get my clothes back?”
“When they don’t smell like you anymore, you do.”
“You can keep that one. But that’s it,” Jean laughed. “Come on. We should probably head back before we freeze to death out here.”
“Okay.”
The walk back up the cliff path was a lot less fun than going down it. The steps were steep, and Armin’s legs were aching before they were even halfway up. He was looking forward to getting a hot shower and a cup of tea before crawling into bed with Jean and sleeping through the whole next day. He tried not to wonder about how often they were going to get to do that in the future.
“Armin,” Jean said slowly, as they neared the top.
“What’s wrong?” Armin could easily detect the caution in his voice.
“There’s someone there.”
“What?” Armin whispered. “I can’t see.”
“And there’s a light on in the house, just over the top of the cliff. Walk up a bit more and you’ll see.”
“Oh, god,” Armin swallowed. He shot a panicked look at Jean, holding his seashell tightly, and tried to think of something they could do to get out of the bad situation they found themselves in.
“Do you have a plan?” Jean whispered.
“Um… I think our best strategy is to stay quiet and take the long way around.”
“You don’t think we should just run for it?”
“No, I’m way too slow!”
“Okay,” Jean murmured. “Take my hand, and if we do have to run, don’t let go.”
Armin slipped his hand into Jean’s, and as they began to slowly continue up the path, he kept his eyes on the figure standing outside the house. Had the person living there woken up in the middle of the night? Were they looking for them? Did they already know there were people trespassing on the property? Armin was terrified of what would happen if they got caught, but there was something about how hard his heart was pounding that he kind of liked, too.
They barely dared to breathe; each time their feet touched the ground it felt like they were tempting fate. Armin felt like they were playing a playground game, but this was real, and if they were caught, they were going to be facing real consequences. A few minutes passed in silence. Armin could tell that Jean wasn’t scared but excited.
At least, it was until Jean stepped on a branch and it snapped, causing them both to jump and stumble forwards. The crack of the twig snapping rang through the air like a gunshot, and it startled Jean so much that he let out a yell.
“Hey!” A voice shouted. “Who was that? Don’t you know this is private property!?”
Jean and Armin looked at each other for a brief second and before they could even stop to panic they were off, sprinting as quickly as they could towards the fence and Jean’s truck parked on the other side of it. They could hear footsteps and yelling coming from behind them, and Armin was terrified yet absolutely thrilled, and he could tell Jean was too, because he was laughing.
“This is amazing!” Jean yelled, holding on tightly to Armin’s hand and dragging him along.
The wind was blowing behind them, making Armin feel like he was being pushed forwards, and the ache in his legs was gone now that the adrenaline had kicked in. He felt alive, and soon he was laughing too, looking up at Jean and unable to find the situation anything but exhilarating.
“Stop!” The man called after them. “You’re both in a lot of trouble!”
Armin looked back and saw him running behind them, struggling to keep up with how fast they were going. He could hear his heart in his ears in time with the rhythm of their feet hitting the ground as they sprinted. Armin was out of breath and panting and having the time of his life, and as they scrambled to the fence and saw Jean’s truck he knew all they had to do was make it over.
“Go!” Jean called to him. “I need to get the keys out!”
Armin tripped as he tried to climb over the fence, but with a boost from Jean he fell right over the other side and didn’t stop, getting to the truck. He still had his phone and his seashell, somehow, and he was glad he hadn’t lost either of them. Jean followed soon after, fumbling with the keys before managing to get the doors unlocked.
“Quick, drive!” Armin laughed, yanking his seatbelt over his chest. Jean hit the gas, sending them speeding down the lane and back to the main road.
“Holy shit!” Jean exclaimed. “I thought we were going to die! That was insane!”
Armin couldn’t stop laughing, still full of adrenaline and that terrifying rush of excitement that came after getting out of trouble.
“Oh my god, I - I can’t believe we got caught. I can’t believe it was because you fell over!”
“That twig scared the shit out of me,” Jean laughed, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. “That was amazing.”
“We were so lucky,” Armin panted as his exhaustion began to hit him.
“I’m never going to forget that.”
“Me neither!”
For a minute, both of them tried to catch their breath as their bodies started to come down from the surge of adrenaline. Armin looked down at the seashell in his hands, and he felt a tug in his racing heart. He knew that every time he saw it, he’d be reminded of how happy he felt. He wanted to make more moments like this one, and he wanted to make them with Jean.
“Thank you,” Armin said. When Jean turned to look at him, they smiled at each other.
“You’re welcome,” Jean grinned. “You know, we should do this again sometime.”
Armin felt like his heart was going to burst, and he felt so much love for Jean that he didn’t know what to do with it all.
“I’d love to.”