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Jean couldn’t remember the last time he’d really gotten out of the city, or away from his busy day-to-day life. When his new boyfriend finally gave in and decided to let him visit his home in the countryside, Jean jumped at the chance for a change of pace, even if only for the afternoon. Despite having been together for a few months, Jean had never been to Armin’s home before. Armin always said it was because it was too out of the way, but Jean could tell he’d been at least a little nervous about letting him come over for reasons he didn’t quite understand yet.
Armin had finally decided to let Jean draw his portrait. Jean had been waiting to capture him since the moment he saw his face and realised he was special. Armin had been incredibly resistant to the idea at first, but it seemed he was giving in now that the winter break had begun and their three month anniversary passed. Jean was thrilled when he got the go-ahead. Jean worked two jobs - by night he was a bartender, and by day, he worked as a freelance illustrator. He was lucky enough to be in a position where he made enough money to live off his art, but he still liked to work at the bar in the evenings, both for the inspiration from the regular faces and the stories they liked to tell. The extra cash never hurt, either.
Armin had been shy since the day they’d met. They were introduced to each other in the early autumn by Jean’s annoying co-worker, who had supposedly been Armin’s best friend since they were kids. Jean was instantly smitten, though it had taken Armin a while to warm up to him. It wasn’t until Armin found out that Jean was an artist that they really hit it off. Jean had never been so excited for a first date, and now, three months into their relationship, he knew that feeling he had about Armin was right. There was something special about him.
The drive from Jean’s apartment to Armin’s cottage in the countryside took just over an hour. Armin drove slowly down the winding country roads, carefully navigating his way through the snow and patches of ice. The snow lay thicker out here than it did in the city, and Jean thought that the rolling fields of white looked gorgeous. He itched to reach for his sketchpad, but he knew it could wait. He wanted to take this energy and focus it into drawing Armin when they got to his place.
His home looked like it had been plucked straight from a fairy tale. It truly was in the middle of nowhere, a tiny lone cottage surrounded by nothing but nature. It was made of stone, with a wooden door painted blue that matched the two square windows either side of it. The sun was shining brightly, causing the snow sitting perfectly on the thatched roof to glisten. A thick layer of white also sat perched on the front gate and the stone wall surrounding the property. There was a tall, slightly lopsided chimney, and stepping stones that led through the front garden. The winter grass was tall and unmown, but Jean had always thought that gardens looked much prettier when nature was allowed to flourish in them, weeds and all. Brightly-coloured pansies in bloom peered out from behind the snow, and an apple tree stretched over the path; Jean itched to shake its branches and watch all the snow come falling down, but he kept his hands to himself.
He loved the city, but Jean knew if he ever lived here, he might draw twice as much as he did back home.
“I know it’s not much,” Armin said sheepishly, pulling his cardigan tighter around himself as he got out of the car and made his way up to the gate. He took his time brushing off the snow before forcing the old, rusting thing open.
“It’s gorgeous.” Jean smiled when he heard the crunching of the snow beneath his boots. It was such a childlike pleasure, but he indulged himself in it, letting himself step a little more forcefully as he followed Armin in. Jean had to duck in order to get through the front door without hitting his head.
Inside, Armin’s home smelled like cinnamon, and ginger, and coffee. Everything was so him. Before he got here, Jean had no idea what to expect, but now he wasn’t sure how it could have been anything but this.
It seemed like there were only three rooms - the main living space with a tiny kitchen in the corner and a log burner in the centre; the bedroom; and the bathroom, which Jean presumed were where the two doors off to the side led. It looked even smaller on the inside on account of the sheer amount of clutter. On one wall, bookcases stretched from one side to the other, with the books themselves taking up every inch of space, stacked perfectly to allow them all to fit. There were many plants, mostly herbs, sat on the windowsills and the kitchen sides. A slightly lopsided oak table sat off to the side, stacked high with what Jean guessed to be Armin’s pupils’ tests, ready to be graded with the red pen that sat beside them.
Frost crawled up the window panes. The walls were covered with photographs, art, and even old maps. Jean noticed that Armin had framed and hung up the doodle he did for him on their first date. He’d drawn a bouquet of flowers on the back of a napkin on account of not having time to bring any real ones - like usual, he’d been running late on the way to the restaurant, so he gave him the quick drawing instead. He knew that Armin had taken it home with him, but never would he have expected him to frame it. He was touched, and more than a little flattered.
“I’ll put the fire on,” Armin said quickly. Jean could tell he was awkward, but he could only find it endearing. “It doesn’t take too long to warm up. Do you want some coffee, or…?”
“One thing at a time,” Jean said reassuringly. “I’d love some coffee, so let me do the fire.”
“Are you sure? It’s all ready, you just have to light the kindling at the bottom, so -”
“I know how to light a fire,” Jean chuckled. “Stop stressing so much.”
“The matches are down by the fire tongs,” Armin said, his shoulders sagging a little. “I’m sorry… I’m just really nervous. I don’t ever bring people back here.”
“Well, I consider it an honour, then,” Jean told him. He watched as a little smile crossed over Armin’s lips and felt proud of himself. “This place is cute. It’s very you.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled.
Jean squeezed past the tiny sofa and squatted down in front of the log burner to get the fire going. The old fashioned way of this place had such a simple charm to it, and it reminded Jean of how much he relied on technology back at home. He liked the change of pace. Of course, Armin still had power. Though there wasn’t a TV, Jean spied a stereo, and the kitchen was a little worn down but still as fully functioning as the one at Jean’s apartment.
Once the flames really got going, Jean closed the tiny iron door of the wood burner and made himself comfortable while he waited for Armin to be done making their coffee.
“So why do you live all the way out here?” He asked bluntly.
“This place used to belong to my grandfather,” Armin said. “I never want to sell it, or move. I love it here.”
“Don’t you find the commute annoying?”
“It’s not so bad,” Armin shrugged.
“Well, it’s beautiful here,” Jean said. “I don’t blame you. I bet the sunrise is gorgeous.”
“It is,” Armin nodded. He paused while pouring the coffee, being careful and precise in the way Jean always liked to admire. “This time of year, it’s still dark when I leave in the morning, so I get to watch the sunrise as I drive.”
“The only time I see the sunrise is when I stay up all night,” Jean chuckled. “I’ve never been an early bird like you.”
“You should try to go to bed early sometime,” Armin smiled. He set the two cups of coffee down on a very cluttered side table, and Jean reached for his bag. “Are you starting already?”
Jean could tell Armin was nervous by the little wobble in his voice as he spoke.
“Would you rather wait?”
“Just until… until it warms up a little. Let’s drink our coffee first.”
“You don’t have anything to be nervous about, you know.”
“I - I know, it’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Wouldn’t you rather draw someone more… attractive?”
For someone so intelligent, Armin really could be an idiot sometimes, Jean thought. He frowned and narrowed his eyes, looking over at his boyfriend critically.
“Have I ever told you you’re unattractive?” He asked. Armin looked sheepish.
“No,” he said, “but I just… you don’t need to. I already know.”
“Armin, oh my god,” Jean groaned. “You know I think you’re gorgeous; I don’t lie about stuff like that. Are you really nervous about me drawing you because you think you’re ugly or something?”
“When you put it like that, it sounds silly,” Armin murmured.
“That’s because it is silly,” Jean told him. “Whatever’s in your head telling you those things about yourself is wrong. Listen to me, instead - I’m always right.”
“Are you now?” Armin asked, but he was smiling.
“Yeah, and once I draw you, I’ll prove it,” Jean said confidently. “Don’t doubt my art. I could make anyone look beautiful, it’s just that with you, I’m not going to have to try very hard.”
Armin blushed, then, and it made him look even better in Jean’s eyes. Maybe he could add in that colour in his cheeks to his portrait once he got home. He could scan the sketch and colour it digitally, or even get out the watercolours he hadn’t touched in a while. Armin inspired him more than anyone else. He drew for hours and hours after every single one of their dates, staying up late into the night, ideas coming to him easily. He always wanted to draw Armin, but it took until now to get his permission.
Armin put on some music and they listened together for a while as they drank their coffee. Jean studied Armin’s face without shame, taking in the shape of his features, imagining how he could translate his image onto the page in his style. He had so many ideas he didn’t know what to do with them all.
When he drained the last drops of coffee from his cup, Jean stood up and reached for his sketchbook. It was warm inside now, the old stone walls keeping the heat trapped within the home. It felt even cosier than before.
“Where shall I sit? Do I need to pose, or…?”
“No, Armin,” Jean laughed. “We’re not Jack and Rose. Just… do something that feels natural to you.”
“Like what?”
Jean hummed as he looked around. “You could do your marking?”
“Of my students’ tests?”
“Why not? You’ll be still enough, and it’s very you.”
“I guess it’ll take my mind off what you’re doing…”
“Good. Go sit down over there and start, okay? It shouldn’t take too long,” Jean instructed. He wanted Armin to be comfortable and in his element while Jean was drawing him. He knew he was nervous, and if he had to sit still, he knew Armin would just end up looking awkward.
Jean positioned himself opposite Armin and twirled his pencil in his hand as he watched him. He really was gorgeous, Jean thought, especially when he was concentrating. He observed him for a little while, envisioning what he was going to do before he even thought about making a mark on the paper.
“Are you just going to watch me?” Armin blushed, shrinking away a little as he looked up from the first test he was marking.
“I can’t help myself,” Jean grinned. “You’re very distracting.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Actually, I do. But get back to marking those tests, Mr Arlert.”
“Please don’t call me that,” Armin mumbled, blushing even harder.
“You don’t like being called Mr Arlert?”
“No! You sound like one of my students!”
“Alright, alright,” Jean laughed. “Just act natural. I’m going to start drawing you now.”
“Okay.”
Jean let himself admire Armin for a few more seconds before finally beginning his sketch. He outlined his shape first, then quickly worked on the perspective of the table and the wall behind him. He wanted his art to look like a little snapshot of Armin’s life, something that would tell a tiny story, to reflect who he was just like the home he lived in.
Once the background was outlined, Jean moved onto drawing Armin. He wanted to do a good job capturing the soft roundness of Armin’s features because Jean loved the way he looked so much. He loved Armin’s long hair and his pretty eyelashes, and the way he screwed his face up a little while he was concentrating gave him tiny wrinkles around his button nose. He had such soft lips - Jean knew from experience. It was a shame that his blue eyes were always hidden behind his glasses, but selfishly, Jean was glad it meant he got to appreciate them more than anyone else.
Armin was always so methodical and careful, and it reflected in his well-maintained appearance. His nails were cut short and shaped nicely, and he never had a hair out of place. For the first time, Jean worried that he might not be able to properly replicate how perfect Armin was, but he cast those negative thoughts from his mind as quickly as they came - there was no way he was going to do it with an attitude like that.
Jean smiled a little as he drew in Armin’s determined expression, his thick eyebrows furrowed with concentration, biting his lip a little. Armin put so much into everything he did, and it was yet another thing that Jean admired about him. He could feel his own cheeks getting warm as he worked on his art. There was a lovely atmosphere to this - with the fire crackling and the comfortable silence between them, Jean couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be. He had a warm feeling of love in his stomach. Looking at Armin so much was such a treat to Jean, because he was used to him shrinking back away from his gaze.
“Is it going okay?” Armin asked nervously after a little while.
“Yeah,” Jean smiled fondly. “You look really handsome, if I do say so myself.”
“Jean…”
“I mean it! Drawing is easy when I have such an attractive model.”
Armin pretended to ignore him as he went back to grading the tests, and Jean had a big smile on his face as he continued. The minutes ticked by, and soon, Jean was satisfied with what he had done. He had drawn Armin the way he saw him, with those same beautiful features that he loved so, so much.
When he put his pencil down, Armin looked up, seemingly even more nervous now that he had realised that Jean was finished.
“Can I see…?” He murmured, grimacing. Jean thought he looked like he just wanted to get over and done with.
“What’s that look for?”
“What look?”
“You look scared out of your mind!”
“Of course I am!” Armin exclaimed, but he trailed off, curling in on himself a little.
“Don’t be,” Jean said. He stood up from the chair opposite Armin and walked over to stand behind him, placing his art over the test he was half-done with. Resting his hand on Armin’s back, Jean eagerly awaited his boyfriend’s reaction.
The last thing he’d expected was for him to start crying.
“What’s wrong?” Jean asked quickly - he was worried. “I didn’t fuck it up that badly, did I?”
“No!” Armin sniffed. He took off his glasses and cried into his sleeves before taking another look at his portrait. “No, it’s the opposite, I - is that really how I look to you?”
“Not just to me,” Jean said. “That’s how you look, Armin. I don’t understand why you can’t see it when you look in the mirror, but I swear to you, that’s the way you look.”
“Jean, I - I don’t know what to say, ” Armin cried, getting up shakily from his chair and pulling Jean in for a tight hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” Jean chuckled fondly. “I ought to be the one thanking you - you let me do this even though it was difficult. I annoyed you about this for ages, Armin.”
“I was just… nervous,” Armin explained, still holding on firmly to Jean. “I was scared of being looked at for so long. I was scared you would stop liking what you saw…”
“Idiot,” Jean said fondly. “I could never get tired of looking at you.”
“Jean…”
“I mean it.” Jean pulled back and smiled at him, reaching up to wipe a tear from his cheek. “To me, you’re perfect.”
“Well, I - of course I feel the same way about you!” Armin exclaimed, getting up and out of his chair to hug Jean again. He pulled back quickly, though, and picked up the paper Jean had neatly torn from his sketchbook. “Could I… keep this?”
Jean looked down at the artwork and thought about how much he’d wanted to take it home and add colour or ink in some way. But then again, he reasoned, it was perfect the way it was, just like Armin himself.
“Of course you can,” he smiled. “Just as long as you let me keep the next one.”