Chapter Text
Today was going to be a good day.
Their bounty had been paid on time and it was enough that they could just kick back and relax a little bit. And what better place to do it than Lonesome Flats?
He could almost hear the music now. Lonesome Flats, who were polite as long as you kept to yourself and were polite in turn. They never asked any questions about him or his job.
It was a great place to kick back and strum an instrument for a bit.
But as soon as he got to the top of the ridge, he knew something was wrong. Hard not to with it staring him right in the face.
An honest-to-string spaceship was hovering over the town. Bubbles floated around it giving the whole thing a whimsical air. Funk? He knew about them, but the tribe almost never deviated from their wild zigzag over their territory.
It was utterly bizarre. The tribes still met occasionally but not like this. Most meetings were accidental and quick.
Not bringing an entire spaceship to Country territory.
His brother would be howling at him if he knew what he was doing. But he had to know why and so he slipped down the hill, heading for one of the out of the way spots he had discovered.
It was a bit of a scramble and he made a mental note to find a new one soon. He could only just wedge himself in between a chicken coop and a house, the wooden fencing blocking him from view.
And more importantly, offering him a view.
What looked to be the entire town had gathered in the dusty square, facing down who had to be the king and queen of Funk.
He pressed himself deeper into his hiding spot, straining to hear.
“Now, I don’t want any foolin’ from y’all.” Delta warned. She was already spitting mad. “Just pack up into your fancy ship and clear out.”
“Country, always so stubborn.” Queen Essence said. Delta stamped a hoof as the other queen actually rolled her eyes. “There doesn’t have to be any mess here. Just hand over the string.”
“Never.” Delta swore. Clampers growled. “We lose that, our music is gone. Y'all be off your rockers to think I’ll give it up.”
What was going on here? Funk was trying to take the Country string? There were very few reasons for another tribe to steal a string and most were very unpleasant.
And worst, the crown prince was missing. He had no doubt that even if Delta and her crew won this, Prince D was probably keeping an eye from the ship with the back up.
“Oh yes. Your moaning about how terrible life is must be very precious to you.” King Quincy said. He tilted his head, pacing around the small clearing. “We just want a peaceful harmony, and show you a better way. All tribes together again.”
“Never.” Delta said. “Y’all have ten seconds to clear out or we’re gonna show you how Country trolls throw down.”
“Or.” Essence said, the word oddly sweet for its edge of threat. “We show you how far Funk has gotten.”
And then the bubbles moved.
He let out a reflexive curse as with one quick movement, Growly Pete was simply sucked into one. The man yelled, mustache snapping uselessly against the sides. And then pandemonium broke out as with a crash of banjos and fiddles, Country charged.
It was a losing game. He knew that as soon as the bubbles began to increase. Country lost ground too fast to win, but still, he wanted to race right into the thick of it.
He loved country music. Loved it with the particular ache of knowing that he was never really going to be part of it. And he could deal with that, he really could, but right now he was watching the music be split and broken apart.
The air was so thick with bubbles and instruments, he could only get flashes. Clampers biting down on the hem of a Funk troll’s dress before getting snapped up by a bubble, still holding the fabric in her teeth. The lady who always gave him an extra cup of sweet tea using her fiddle to smack away bubbles. And Delta right in the thick of it as she held off the two monarchs.
His legs moved on their own, pulling him closer and closer. With the element of surprise, he could get the jump on one monarch and force Funk to back down.
He used the house for cover, the dust muffling his footprints. He couldn’t see anything, but he could hear the twanging instruments from both sides. He checked around the side of the house to see if there was an opportunity.
He just had to wait for the right time.
That beat never came.
There was a howl of rage and the crowd cleared. Delta was at the center, her yelling muffled by the bubble as she kicked and reared.
And Quincy was holding an orange string. Delta had dodged away from one bubble trap right into another during the kerfuffle, and the king had simply plucked the string from her hair.
His heart leapt into his throat at the sight. The other Country trolls seemed to share his horror as seeing the string taken and the mayor imprisoned, the fighting hit a lull.
The Funk King tugged idly on the string. “All trolls together.” He mused. “Just chilling again. Under the banner of Funk.”
“As it should be.” Queen Essence said, looking at her husband fondly.
“Yer never going to get away with this.” Delta yelled. She slammed her fists against the bubble. “Y’all hear me? We’re Country, and proud to be that way!”
“Wrong.” Essence said. She turned away, eyes only for her triumphant husband. “Gather the stragglers. We have a schedule to keep. It’s time for this whole charade to end. Funk is the only way everyone will have a good time again.”
“You have a way with words.” King Quincy said.
He could see how Delta kicked against the bubble hard enough to send it, and her, spinning.
That was his cue to leave. The fighting had renewed as the last of them fought against capture, but soon they’d be scouring the town. He couldn’t be captured.
Maybe he couldn’t fight for this music but he knew where to find others who would. Even if for their own music. And so he took off at a run, leaving the town he loved far behind.
It must have been the fastest mile he ran in years. He skidded into camp in record time, his brother jolting up out of his afternoon nap at the sound.
“Get the camp together.” He said. “Funk’s making a bid for the strings and Country just fell. We’ve got to warn everyone.”
He just hoped that they managed to warn everyone in time.
It had been such a good day.
Today was a great day because today, Poppy got letters!
Letters! As in plural!
Poppy had just finished up their morning song and dance number, watching as the village went on with their daily routine. Instruments were tuning, kids were playing, and she could already smell the fresh cupcakes.
“Poppy?” She turned to see DJ Suki. “We found something you might want to see.”
Well, that explained where Branch had disappeared to. She was pretty sure he had a sixth sense when something interesting was going down.
“Take me to it then!” Poppy said. She put her hands on her hips. “I love looking at things!”
Suki let out a laugh. “Well, this one is a pretty strange sight. Me and Guy Diamond found it when he was showing his son around.”
Aw, Tiny was pretty cute! It was good to hear that he was settling in well. Definitely couldn’t be that bad then. Poppy followed eagerly as her friend guided her all the way to the edge of the village.
Yep, there was Branch, hovering around a ball lodged in the dirt. “Oh!” Poppy said. “Did one of the kids lose their ball again?”
Branch snorted. “I sure hope not.” He tapped on the outside. “This thing is metal. I’m pretty sure that makes it dangerous. No one here works with metal like this. Pretty unlikely that a kid would have this, let alone be able to kick it around.”
“It’s got a good beat though.” Poppy said. She could get behind that clear ringing chime. DJ Suki was already pulling out the good lyric notebook.
“Not the point.” Branch said with a sigh. “The point is that we don’t know- get clear!”
Every troll in the area bolted.
A few seconds later, Poppy stuck her head up from behind a mushroom. “It’s humming.” She said. She had to strain a little to hear, but the beat didn’t sound familiar at all. It sounded a little like Pop, kind of happy, but it didn’t have the same groove to it.
“I think it’s going to attack.” Branch said. “That must be its hunting call. Everyone just hold still, I’m going to go get my knife.”
“What’s going on guys?” Cooper said as he trotted over. He had a plate of cupcakes balanced on his back. “Brought some sweet breakfast cupcakes but I had to chase ya down to share! What’s that?”
“Hi Cooper!”
“Cooper! Run! Forget the cupcakes!”
“What?” Cooper said, taking a step back. The metal ball reached a crescendo and cracked like an egg. A crackle and it was projecting an image into the air like the fanciest stage light she had ever seen.
The lady was very pretty, Poppy decided. She had plenty of sparkles, and the silver really set off her blue hair. The image cut off just below the lady’s head, preventing her from reaching a real style conclusion.
“Greetings Pop Trolls. We of the Funk Trolls would like to invite you to a concert that will surely be life changing for us all.” She chuckled. “All the tribes together again in perfect chill harmony. It will be a momentous event and one long in the making. Don’t worry, we’ll handle all the details.”
And then the light dissipated.
“She didn’t give a location or a time?” Poppy said. “Kind of a terrible invitation.”
She should bring that up at the concert because it also needed way more glitter. Maybe they could trade invitation tips! Poppy loved getting a hot new tip to make the best party invitations! She couldn’t let lack of glitter cloud her opinion of other trolls’ invite skills!
“Poppy!” Branch growled. He pulled at his hair in frustration. “We can’t go!”
“What?” Poppy said. “It’s just a concert invitation. I send those out all the time. I’m not sure what Funk is, but it can’t be that bad!”
Indeed, most of the trolls who had stuck around for the light show were going back to their business. What was weird about a fancy party invitation?
“Guys? Does anyone think-“ Cooper’s words were interrupted by a yell.
“Funk?” Dad zipped by, lunging for the invitation. “Nothing to see here! Go about your business! Haha, nothing weird at all! Funk? What’s that?”
Poppy and Branch mutually agreed to set aside their brewing safety argument so as to provide an united front against this new insanity. Maybe her Dad wasn’t partying enough?
“We’ve already seen it though.” Poppy said. “It’s just a concert invitation! I never even knew there were other trolls out there!”
The lady definitely didn’t look like a troll she knew! Poppy would totally remember someone with all those ornaments and the blue hairstyle.
“Guys, can I please as-“
“There’s no invitation here! It’s just a hallucination caused by too many cupcakes! I’ll show you!” And then Dad chomped down on the outside of the metal sphere. The sphere won. “Agggh!”
“Poppy, you hold your dad down and I’ll get the tranquilizer.” Branch whispered. Poppy patted his shoulder.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” She said. She put on her very best queen voice, the one that had gotten great ratings on her last queenly review. “Dad, what’s so bad about the word, Funk?”
“Don’t say that word!” He hissed. Dad pulled around his mustache, taking a deep breath to calm down. “It’s something I should have told you about when I first passed on the throne. But it’s been so quiet, I honestly didn’t think they really existed.”
“Who existed?” Branch said. “Monsters? Troll eaters? Worms that lay eggs in our ears? It could all happen and we need to be ready for it.”
He said that last part defensively as Poppy looked at him.
“You should go.” Dad said. “What I am saying now is a story passed down only to the rulers of our tribe.”
“No.” Poppy said. She hated having to keep secrets unless it was for a surprise party. “Branch is my friend. I trust him to help.”
“Guys.“ Cooper tried again, now studying the ball with an intense look. “Seriously-“
“Fine.” Dad said. “The truth isn’t that we are not the only Troll tribe in the world. But I’d rather not say more than that here. Follow me.”
Branch stepped up next to her, watching her Dad. “You know what it’ll mean if there are other trolls out there, right?” He asked, folding his arms.
“More parties?” Poppy said. What were they like? Why didn’t they send an invitation before? She would have totally sent an invitation if she knew about them.
“No.” Branch took a deep breath before shaking his head and stomping after Dad. She wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Branch was so confusing when he wanted to be.
With their backs turned, nobody noticed the scrap of fabric that floated down from the sky except for Poppy herself. She picked it up, smoothing a hand over the strange fabric. It felt like a rougher version of the denim that Satin and Chenille used occasionally. Letters were messily stitched on.
Another letter?
WE KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE
Done? Done what? Get the invitation? Maybe this was some kind of RSVP notice because they realized they forgot to send the date and location? Poppy flipped the fabric over before nodding firmly to herself. There it was! Two days from now, at a landmark for the very edge of their forest.
She only knew about the landmark because they were never supposed to travel past it. But with two letters, Poppy was starting to feel a lot better about that. Besides, she was a little trolling then and now she was the queen. What could go wrong?
“Poppy?”
Poppy jumped, stuffing the letter into her pocket. Cooper was looking at her, uncharacteristically confused and worried.
“I’m sorry. I can talk in a bit!” Poppy said. “We’ll eat cupcakes after I’m back!”
And then she took off after Branch and her dad. Cooper looked at the metal ball and then back after them.
“I was going to ask if you also thought that troll looked like me.” He said. “Or is it just me thinking too much again?”
After a moment, he very carefully set the plate of cupcakes down on the ground and took off after them. He wanted answers more than cupcakes right now!
“They’ve got to be behind this.” Barb growled. She was already pushing her critter bike to the max to get to the meeting site.
It all fit perfectly. Bunch of dumb Pop trolls making another bid for the strings. This time by manipulating the Funk trolls. Barb was going to deal with them and head home. Easy as that.
Hell, she probably should have picked a site closer to home to deal with this. But she didn’t want the Pop trolls smearing their… poppiness all over her home.
“I don’t know, isn’t that kind of… elaborate?” Riff said from his seat behind her. “Why not just make the bid themselves? Pretty lame plan if you ask me.”
Riff clearly did not understand but Barb could deal with that because he was mostly just backup. She didn’t think she’d have trouble with the Pop trolls, but it made her dad calmer to know she had brought someone.
“‘Cause they’re a bunch of weaklings, I bet.” Barb said. Living in the forest probably made them soft. So they convinced the Funk trolls to do it for them.
“Shouldn’t we be home, pumping up for opening night?” Riff said. “Gonna be super lame if we miss that kinda concert. I bet we’ll break the roof this time.”
“For the last time.” Barb said, nobly resisting the urge to push Riff off the bike. “I ain’t got time to deal with them. I’m gonna march right in, punch that pretty princess in the face till she rethinks her gross life, and be back home in time for an actually cool concert. Without any weird Funk or annoying Pop.”
“I’m just saying-“
“I didn’t invite you along for your opinion.” Barb said.
“Maybe we should call your dad.” Riff said. “He’s dealt with that Funk tribe before, right? Old as the volcano.”
Barb elbowed him in the ribs, dragging out a yelp of pain. “My dad ain’t that old, jerk. And I can handle this myself. I ain’t gonna bolt back for easy situations like this.”
Everything was absolutely under control. She deals with Pop, and she fixes the Funk situation that they clearly masterminded. That’s how a great Rock queen tackles a problem like this.
“Whatever.” Riff said. “At least this meets the dumb exploration credit I need for my classes.”
Riff and his college situation. At least it meant he was pretty much down for anything she suggested. She could still make him do it, but a lack of much fussing was nice sometimes.
And even if it wasn’t Pop behind this, Barb was totally confident she could deal with the Funk trolls. There wasn’t any music better than Rock, and she could steamroll two old fogeys any day.
Her town wouldn’t be taken down like Country was.
The promise of a good fight and a chance to prove how awesome her music was. Even better, it was against Pop with their sweetness and earworms. Her victory song practically wrote itself, complete with some sick guitar riffs.
This was turning into a pretty great day for her.
She smiled wickedly as she watched the trees blur by. Everything was under control. She just had to get to the meeting spot on time and then she’d release all hell.
Rock on!
Funk was having a very good day.
And it was going to get even better as they kept on schedule. The world wouldn’t even know what hit them until they were grooving to the best music of them all.
Funk.