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'Text to ask a genius all your questions. Receive a prompt and guaranteed correct answer, as this genius knows all things.'
This was written on a sign which was seen in the AEON Mall Bayfront City, among other locations.
Of course, the all-knowing genius in question had to keep his identity anonymous, and even used a secondary number created exclusively for the venture. But that didn't change the fact that he was the number one genius scientist in the world, Dr. Karigari, and he was anxiously awaiting to show off his knowledge.
The first question he'd received was probably from an irritating troll who didn't believe, or perhaps just from a complete idiot. But Karigari did have an answer to the question of, 'what's one gajillion times twenty-six bazillion?' An accurate answer, as promised.
'There is no answer. One gajillion and twenty-six bazillion are fictitious numbers. If you were a genius like me, you would know that. If you have any legitimate questions for me, feel free to send them as soon as possible. But for now, you're wasting my very precious time as well as your own.'
He did receive a few legitimate questions during the first week he started, boring ones that any intelligent person wouldn't need to ask, but at least legitimate. He was tired of people asking, 'what are the winning lottery numbers for today?' But even to that question, Karigari had an answer.
'You made the mistake of asking a genius, not a psychic, the only sort of person who could truly have that answer. Unfortunately, most psychics, if not all, are frauds. You would need incredible luck to find one, which you're clearly seeking already. If you'd like to increase your luck, consider watching Miss' fortune corner on Akasaka TV each morning.'
"The flow of questions has slowed." Karigari sighed. He hadn't checked until after Sasagawa's fortune corner was over, because he hated to miss even a second of such a moving show, but he hoped by then some moron would have sent him another question. "Perhaps the novelty has run off. Or my signs were taken down because I lacked the proper permits."
Karigari turned off the TV and pocketed his phone. He headed to the kitchen.
Karigari hoped to make sure his subordinates hadn't tried tampering with his special steak freezer. He knew they couldn't possibly guess the complex series of passwords which kept it sealed to anyone but him. But he thought they might try, knowing that he also kept a box of limited-edition steak flavored SyoriSyori inside.
'It looks to be in order.' Having scanned it up and down with his eyes, he found nothing. But a fingerprint examination might be worthwhile, he thought.
Karigari might have done just that, but he lost interest when a buzz from his phone came.
"Yes!"
He pulled out his phone immediately and read it.
'If you know everything, then you must know the identity of Cyclone's driver, right? Tell me!'
It dawned on Karigari then that the phone number, which he'd only barely glanced at when he clicked the message, was a familiar one.
"Miss sent that question!"
He was visibly beaming, but the practical side of himself was mentally scolding him not to take it personally. He'd offered a service, she used the service. That was all. An anonymous service. And it was his job to provide an answer.
'I certainly know the driver's identity. The matter is highly confidential, of course. I can't tell you the answer, Miss, but if you have any other questions which are more general, ask away.'
He hit send.
'I knew it! And I knew you were Dr. Karigari.' This was the reply which came moments later.
He'd suspected, somewhere deep down, that she knew. Miss was highly intuitive, after all. But he realized he'd trapped himself by calling her 'Miss' in the first place. The call system was supposed to be mutually anonymous, even if he did know the sender.
There was a buzz then, indicating a new message. It was also from Sasagawa.
'I do have another question. Do you like me?'
Karigari gaped. He'd nearly dropped the phone, but was barely able to catch it before it could hit the floor.
"Is Miss trying to trap me?" Karigari wondered to himself. He shook his head. "No. She isn't a cold-hearted person. But if she suspected that I've long since admired her, and wanted to accuse me of stalking her, which technically I've never done… not in the malicious sense at least, or any true sense… I watch her on TV daily of course, but that option is free for anyone with cable. I've even recommended it to clients…"
He was going in circles, quite literally as he paced around the room, but he still had to reply, somehow. Frantically, he typed a response.
'I believe you misunderstand. This service was designed in order for the good citizens of Bayfront City to ask a genius for answers to the complicated questions one may run into. Such as how to calculate the distance between the earth and far off galaxies. Or what the square root of 876.32 is.'
He sighed, relieved that he was able to think of some sort of response at all.
It didn't take long for him to get an answer.
'Yes or no?' There was an angry-face emoji to follow.
Karigari flinched. He didn't want to offend her. But yet, he could either lie or traumatize her. Well, if he was going to traumatize her, at least it was over text, the part of his brain which worked logically nagged at him. He wouldn't have to see her face. He could even run and hide immediately after, so he would never cross paths with her or anyone who lived in Bayfront City ever again. That was brilliant. He had hideouts in other cities, even other countries built already, as is.
'Yes.' He was shaking, but couldn't help himself from adding more to the text. 'I've pined over you since the moment I first saw you, Miss. You're the most beautiful, amazing, passionate, frustratingly reckless (but that I can work around) woman I've ever dreamed to encounter. I know that you're the only one for me, and the only one I'll never be good enough for. If you're not completely horrified by now, please consider going on a date with me!' He wasn't even sure that he hit send, because he felt like dying.
A few minutes later, when a reply came in, Karigari wasn't sure he even wanted to read it. He did, of course.
'I knew it!' A smiley emoji followed. 'Sure, that would definitely be fun! But you have to tell me who Cyclone's driver is! I'm not going to choose him over you, and I won't tell anyone. I just really want to know!' Another smiley emoji came after.
'M-M-M-Miss…. She said yes?' He had to read it over. About 16 times. He still wasn't sure if he'd comprehended it properly. But just in case, he sent a short reply.
'Kurumada Gou.'
'Tell the truth!' A reply from Sasagawa came just a second later.
'I did. Cyclone Interceptor's driver is Kurumada Gou. Do you doubt the knowledge of the Number One Genius Scientist in Space?'
He still hadn't convinced himself any of this was actually happening outside of his head when Sasagawa's next reply came.
'Let's go somewhere where I can drink. A lot.' If her message wasn't enough, the following emoji made it clear that Sasagawa's head was spinning. 'Are you free tonight?'
'For you Miss, I can be free 24 hours a day.'
When Karigari finally ended the conversation, he noticed that four other messages from unrelated senders were in his inbox. He didn't care in the slightest. Maybe he'd end his service. Miss wanted to date him. How could anything ever top that?