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--Dick's P.O.V.--
Numbness, that's all I felt, as I dragged the sharp rusted blade across my wrist,
1,
I watch with slight interest as blood dribbles down my arm, dripping slowly onto the floor,
2,
I deserve this, it's all my fault,
3,
I killed them all,
4,
I shouldn't have lived,
5,
"Master Richard?" Came the soft, voice of Alfred, breaking me away from my new reality. I frown, why did it sound so real, the concern that leaked into his voice was fake, it had to be. I mean why would he care about me, I'm just a waste of space. "Master Richard, are you in there?"
"Yeah, I'm in the bath" I call back, it wasn't a lie but it still feels like one. I was in the bath, the cold water nipping at my exposed skin, my arms laid across the edge of the bath, the blood gently dripping into a small pool on the tiled floor.
"Hurry up, dinner will be served in five minutes" And with that, he left, just like everyone else. Sighing, I calmly get up and wrap a towel around myself as I bandage my new cuts, 5 in total. Bending down, I wipe the blood from the floor before getting dressed in the usual; a black hoodie, with the sleeves, pulled as far as they can and black pants. Quietly I walk out of the room. I had been like that for a while now, completely silent when I moved, and every day I talked less and less, no one noticed though. They all think I'm whole, and that just makes me want to cut more. These people, are my family and yet they don't know about my depression, it just goes to show how worthless I am. Sighing, I grab the rusty blade and placed it in my nightstand under a false bottom. Making sure there is no blood on my jumper, I walk out of the room. It's weird, my darkest secret is the one thing I want no one to know of, and yet my deepest wish is for someone to notice it. I shake my head to get rid of the dark thoughts before forcing a smile onto my face. I slide down the banister, with that same smile plastered onto my face. I end up running into Dami though.
"Oops, sorry Dami" I apologize with a fake smile stretched across my face.
"Watch where you're going, Grayson." Dami criticizes, with a frown on his face before he walks off into the dining room. I sigh, See, even Dami hates me. I sniff quietly, before quickly wiping my eyes free of the tears that threatened to spill. I glance sideways before sighing and putting on the smile I so much despise. I walk into the dining room with a spring in my step just a few seconds after. I smile happily at everyone before turning to face Alfie.
"Hey Alfie, I forget to tell you but I promised Wally we would go out tonight." I lie quickly, glancing sideways at the food.
"Of course Master Richard, but just make sure that next time you tell me earlier, okay?" Alfie speaks in his usual calm voice.
"Yeah, of course, see ya later" I send a smile towards my family before walking out. Taking a deep breath as I exit the building, I start to run towards a bridge. Reaching the ancient bridge at the edge of Gotham, that is never used anymore. I jump up on the edge of the bridge just as the heavens above opened up and the sky rained down. By the time I was sitting on the edge of the railing, I was drenched, but I didn't care. I was already numb. I didn't move to jump though, I just stared down at the dark abyss. There was no more water down there anymore the water stopped running just before they left this placed.
I come here whenever the depression became too much. Each time, I just stare down at the empty abyss, so damn close to jumping. I haven't yet though, I can't bring myself to push myself off. I sigh once again as the wind below me. I let out a yelp as my phone rings. Sighing, I grab the phone before glancing quickly at the screen only to instantly answer it as I see that Bruce is calling.
"Yes?" I question forcing myself to sound happy and the cold finally manage to break through the numbness, even if it was only small.
"Where are you? Wally just arrived wanting to surprise you" Bruce's words caused me to instantly start mentally cursed.
"I'm fine Bruce, I just needed to be away for a bit, I'm sorry for lying" I speak up quickly, knowing the longer I take to reply the more pressing Bruce would be.
A sigh could be heard from the other end of the phone causing the constant need to cut got just a little bit stronger. Of course, he's disappointed, I'm Robin, the boy wonder I'm supposed to know better. I hold my breath as I wait for Bruce's response.
"Just come home, it's pouring out there" Came his seemly concerning reply, I smile quietly and mutter a quick response before closing my phone. If only I was gone, then they wouldn't have to worry about a circus freak like me. If I was gone they wouldn't have to pretend to care 24/7. I lean forward slightly adjusting my grip on the railing below me. I stare deeper into the abyss, trying to pierce through the darkness. I move my weight forward as I get ready to jump. I'm sorry I took so long, don't worry you haven't to pretend. Now Wally won't have to pretend to love a broken boy, he can finally be happy.
I'm broken out of my thoughts, as my phone dinged, I frown trying to ignore my phone but then curiosity came over me and I grabbed my phone and glance down at the screen, while jumping down from the ledge, onto the ground, unfortunately not on the abyss side.
Bruce: Dick go to the school, Alfred will pick you up there.
I'm so damn useless, I made Alfred go out of his way for me. I should have just jumped, I glance back over the ledge but instead of moving back towards it, I make my way towards my school. Not wanting Alfred to wait any longer than he has to. I manage to make it to the school in about fifteen minutes, after running the whole way. I pause slightly, just before the only limo parked in front of Gotham Academy. I lean over, clutching my knees as black spots surround my vision. Pushing the dizziness away, I straighten up and climb into the back-seat.
"Master Richard, I mus-" Alfred trails off as he glances in the rearview mirror and seeing me dripping wet. "Oh my, Master Richard, your dripping wet." I give an apologetic smile at him before wrapping my arms around my chest as the coldness fully sets in.
"I'm sorry for worrying you," I add, with a forced chuckle.
"It's okay Master Richard" Alfie sends a small smile at me before giving the road his full attention.
After we manage to get home, I notice Bruce, Jay, Tim, Dami and Wally all standing out in the rain with worried looks on their faces. Which only adds to the guilt more. Yep definitely should have jumped back at the bridge, stupid curiosity, stupid me. I take a deep breath to silence my nerves before slowly opening the door, gaining the attention of everyone.
"Thank god, you're alright" Tim mutters, before leaping at me and engulfing me into a bear hug.
"What the hell were you thinking, going out at night as a civilian could have gotten you killed." If only, Jason growls at me, making the guilt work faster in eating me alive.
"Todd's' right Grayson, you shouldn't have gone off alone tonight," Dami speaks, in that same monotone voice he always wears.
"I'm glad your okay, Dickie-bird" Wally whispers, as he zooms over and hugs me. "I've got to go, okay, make sure everyone knows you're alright, but I'll see you tomorrow at the cave?" I nodded in reply to his words, before watching him zoom off and out of sight. See, not even Wally cares about me, he only hangs around long enough to be disappointed in the fact that I'm alive, I bet he's gone to tell everyone to hold off the celebrations.
"Go get some rest, we'll talk about this in the morning." Bruce orders, a relieved smile thrown at me, before he turns around and retreats back into the house, with Alfred at his heels. Dami, Jason and Tim quickly follow in suit. Sighing, I let my mask slip and reveal my tear-filled eyes and the sad smile of knowing I'm still alive, and still a burden to everyone I care about. Slowly, I make my way up to my room and change out of the wet clothes. That night I went to bed with seven new cuts, one for each person I disappointed tonight by staying alive, including me of course.
I woke up the next morning, to Alfred knocking at my door. After he's gone, I quickly get ready for school, before bolting downstairs and grabbing my lunch. I sit down next to Jason near the other end of the table and we all eat our breakfast in silence. No one speaks during the whole breakfast, and I can just practically feel their hatred burning into me. I force myself to keep the smile up though. After breakfast, I practically bolt from the table to the awaiting car. The ride to school, is just as quiet as breakfast, leaving me with plenty of time to mentally yell at myself for not jumping the night before. I sigh quietly, as the limo pulls up at the school. I hope out, with that same smile plastered on my face, as I say goodbye to Alfie before walking into the building. Almost immediately I'm pushed down to the ground by Jake, my biggest bully and Jason's best friend.
"What's up circus freak" He snarls at me, a sickening smirk on his face as he slings my bag across the hall and kicking me in the ribs. The whole school stops to watch, with sickening interest. I was the most bullied kid in school, mostly by my brother's friends, and they don't even know it. Pathetic really, how they don't even take the time to notice that every day I come home from school with more bruises than the start of the day. It just goes to show how worthless I really am. Jake, lifts his foot up once again when the bell goes, and everyone quickly scurries off to class. But not without trampling either me or my bag. By the time I manage to get up, the corridors empty and I'm two minutes late for class. Silently, I enter my math class, interrupting the teacher as I go. I get handed a detention slip before I sent to my desk. I ignore the shocked looks that Jason is giving me, as I was brought up a class for maths, and sit down in the seat next to his.
"Dude, what happened you're never late" Jason whisper-yells at me, the second I sit down.
"Nothing, don't worry about it" I whisper back, before ignoring him and focusing back onto the teacher. My next few classes went by without a breeze, welllll with you ignore the constant torments that are thrown at me. By the time lunch rolls around, I have at least twenty new bruises. I glance sideways at the cafeteria as I pass, but I don't bother going in, instead, I make my way to the roof sit on the ledge while staring out at the scenery. I stay up there, till five minutes before class were I quickly scurry to my class before anyone catches me. Thankfully lunch goes without incident, but my mind was already made up, I was going to do it. Class goes by painfully slow, and once again I have about ten new bruises since lunch by the time the bell went for hometime. I quickly make my way back up to the roof, using my 'Robin' skills to avoid everyone, especially teachers before I pull out my phone.
Dick: Hey Jay, can you tell Alfred not to bother picking me up, I'm going to study for a bit after detention, before going to the mountain. see yah.
Jay: Yeah, yeah, I still can't believe the golden boy got in trouble.
Came the instead reply, I sigh quietly as my hand throbs from where Jake had stood on it in my last class, before slowly making my way back down to the ground floor and out of the school. Thankfully by the time I had reached the doors leading to freedom, everyone had already left. I quickly make my way to the bridge where I was at last night, before throwing my bag to the floor beside the railing, which had my phone in it. No more distractions, I thought as I climbed over the railing and readied myself to jump.
"Hey kid, you don't have to do thi-" Too late I thought as I pushed myself over the ledge, without looking back.
"Goodbye," I whisper before everything becomes dark.
--No ones P.O.V.--
The bat-brothers, minus a certain young depressed bird and Bruce, were all at the dining room. Just getting ready to eat tea, as they thought that all was right in the world when there was a loud knock on the door, that echoed through the mansion. Alfred, like the loyal butler he is, went to go get the door, with a tray of tea in his hands for absolutely no reason at all. The bat-boys had expected the knock to be a lot of things, they were after all the Bat-family. They prepared themselves for a robbery to a close friend stopping by to visit. So you can imagine their surprise when they heard china crashing, and faint strangled sobs coming from the front door. The bat-family quickly made their way to Alfred, expecting to see him being held at gunpoint or something. What they didn't expect, was Alfred clutching his head, tears streaming down his face with Officer Gordon standing in the doorway, his police hat over his heart.
"What's going on" Bruce demanded, wondering what could have been so bad that it had the man he saw as a father in tears.
"I'm sorry, but we found the body of Richard Grayson at the bottom of the Tail-gate bridge, I'm afraid he committed suicide." Officer Gordon spoke, remorse laced in his voice. The bat-family all stood they're shocked before one by one their walls cracked, and Officer Gordon saw what no one else had ever managed to see, the Bat-family all vulnerable, crying over the loss of their youngest, and he didn't even know it.
Jason, thought back to when his younger brother came back from the failsafe simulation, how he had locked himself in his room for days on end, before finally managing to come out. And Jason thought about how a few days after they managed to get him to come out of his room he went back to being his normal happy self, but he wasn't and no one noticed till it was too late, and that just made him cry even harder.
Damian thought about how every time Dick had a nightmare or a night terror, he would come running into his room, waking him up every time. Damian thought about how every time Dick had a nightmare he would hold the young acrobat, whispering words of calming, and after he managed to get Dick to calm down, he; Damian Wayne would swear to protect him from the horror's of this world, but he failed. And that just made him cry even harder.
Tim on the other hand, thought about the countless times he trained together with Dick, promising Dick that he would teach the other all that he knew. Tim thought about all their happy moments together, about whenever Dick was happy and would laugh his signature laugh, and how he would never hear his younger brother laugh ever again, and that only made him cry harder.
Bruce thought about how every time Dick thought that no one was watching he would stop smiling, and begin to look sad, depressed even. Bruce thought about how he always noticed this, but just pushing it aside, thinking it wasn't that important or it was a small phase or empty promises to himself that he would talk to the fourth Robin on a later date about it, but he never did and that mistake cost Bruce his son. And because of that, Bruce cried harder.
Alfred thought about the first time that 'Master Dick' stepped foot in this house. He thought about how scared he was, how sad, he thought about how 'Master Dick' slowly came out of his shell and opened up more, he thought about how 'Master Dick' would cheer everyone up when they were down, and yet no one returned the favour. And that just made Alfred cry harder.
The bat-family all came to the same conclusion at the same time, that their youngest was broken, and they didn't do anything to fix him. That they failed him, and for that they all cried even harder, with Officer Gordon watching on, tears threatening to spill in his own eyes. For the world had lost the kindest, most energetic, most generous young boy the world had ever known, and for that, the world got a whole lot darker.