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When Poe first learned about soulmates from his mother, he was thrilled.
In fact, in his childhood, he couldn’t wait to meet them. Some days, he became so anxious about it, that he had to wait , his parents had to calm him down.
His mother would kiss his cheeks every night, and when Poe, every night, asked, “When is my soulmate coming?”, she petted his hair and assured him.
“I don’t know, mijo. But they will find you.”
Of course he was an impatient child. He hated waiting. He hated not knowing.
Real, true love. That’s what they told him, that when you see the one you love for the very first time, this black and white world he’s accustomed to will burst.
He’ll see color.
“They should hurry up already!”
His mother laughed.
*
Joining the Resistance made him feel important. Poe was fighting for a cause, one very dear to him.
Some of the other pilots called him a true leader , but he didn’t really know about that.
He was just doing the right thing.
When he was captured by the First Order, truth be told, he was terrified, and what he endured was far from anything he had ever experienced before.
Poe thought the torture would never end.
Until a Stormtrooper took him, to what he thought was going to be certain death, but no.
And when the helmet came off, Poe didn’t realise at first.
He was not a trooper, he was a man. A beautiful, nervous, stubborn man.
Everything happened so fast, a rescue mission, an escape, that Poe still didn’t realise that something had changed when he was back to back with his savior, when he told him the First Order did not give him, any of them names, it broke his heart.
Poe called him Finn.
*
BB-8 strolled towards him, happily beeping away, but Poe had no time to tell them much, because the droid itself redirected his attention.
Finn was alive .
He had hoped, prayed for it, because his savior was nowhere to be found after their crash.
And when the other man was running towards him, Poe knew that something was different, but it was something he had only dreamt of before.
His friend’s face was warm.
And when he crashed into him, the hug taking most of his air, Poe looked at his jacket , Finn was wearing his jacket, and it was not the dull, dark grey it had been all his life.
The jacket was brown. The lapels were red.
Finn was talking too fast, and Poe blinked, squeezed his eyes to make sure it wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t, and he couldn’t bring himself to say much other than his companion was wearing his jacket .
“Oh…”
“No, keep it! It suits you.”
*
Poe wanted to talk to Finn, wanted to hear his voice, wanted to tell him , but the fight on Crait took a toll on everyone.
General Leia was kind, a true leader, but once, he looked at her and she looked at him, her eyes stern and a smile that didn’t reach, and asked him, “Do you see it, Poe?”
She didn’t tell him what, because she didn’t have to.
Poe knew what she meant. And he nodded.
“Good.”
He could tell she wasn’t the same rebel he’d heard stories about.
Most of the stories were exaggerated, anyway, which her husband may or may not have played a role in, but for their part, they were true.
In Poe’s heart, he knew the general looked out into the stars and thought about Han.
When your soulmate dies, the colors you were given are taken away from you.
He didn’t want to think about Finn like that.
*
“There’s something I never told you!”
When Poe survived, when Rey and Finn survived, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Finn wanted to tell her.
He never told Finn about seeing color.
It’s funny how he spent his childhood eager, praying his soulmate would be there fast enough, and now, Poe could never find the right time, a moment alone with his savior.
In the caves, they were with Rey, when they were fighting, and when they thought General Hux was going to pull the trigger, they were with Chewie.
“What did you want to tell Rey?” he asked Finn, and he was right, that was very much not the right time, but what else was he supposed to do, staring death in the face?
Poe did get an answer, but he didn’t understand what it meant until later.
“Not her.”
In the piloting seat, the one he knew so well, fighting Palpatine’s armada, he thought to himself, finally , he could be the leader he wanted to be, that Leia and the pilots were sure he was.
But he didn’t know where Finn was.
Poe couldn’t breathe.
*
It was strange and relieving to feel the ground under his feet.
Only thing was that Poe was terrified, because he heard nothing, from any of the others, about Finn, or Rey, and it drove him crazy.
The universe couldn’t just take him away.
Not yet. Not when Finn didn’t even know.
But when Poe waited, anxiously, like he has done his whole life, for the color in his eyes to disappear, he saw him again.
The hero. His companion, savior, soulmate .
And there was the bone-crushing hug again. Poe wanted to tell him, he didn’t think there was a better moment for it than now, in the adrenaline of victory, but a pair of lips were on his before he knew.
Poe didn’t care that Finn shut him up, because this was right.
Everything was right in the stars, and in his heart, skin prickling and head spinning.
It was like the colors exploded, even behind his eyelids, in the darkness.
Finn’s smile was more than he ever could have imagined. More than he had ever asked for in his dreams, infinitely more than the stories of his parents.
Finally .