Work Text:
Zidane’s POV
I mean how was I supposed to respond , I mean something inside of me turned when I saw him for the first time. Like this wild sense of familiarity. I was focused on him, completely sucked in. I thought it was because of the foreign get up he was wearing but it my heart I knew it was something else.
I was obsessed. Kuja, all I could think about was Kuja, his piercing eyes, the striking way he laughed when he inflicted so much pain on the people closest me. My eyes were fixated. The things my friends were going through seemed so small. I thought a cheer in the right direction was all they needed. Freya’s homeland being destroyed, Vivi’s existential crisis, and Dagger losing her evil queen mother. I sailed through all those things. I’m surprised they stayed by my side. My empathy was short, scarce and to the point. Dry, scripted, the basic “im a great friend who cares” reel.
Kuja and I , we were so different, I had every reason to hate him, but I never could.
It was my secret, it felt wrong, I felt heavy but, I admired him. I looked forward to every encounter we would have. My blood wouldboil when I saw him, in the most stimulating way possible. Being near Kuja brought out all my senses. I could never tell the others. I knew we had a connection and I knew they’d never understand.
How could they? Betraying them with my thoughts of admiration for Kuja was one thing. But acting on it? Steiner would’ve impaled me, the others would sob and declare their vengeance. But even so I wanted to be close to him, he felt like home. He drew me in. Maybe I was crazy, but I sort of felt like he was sending me signals, I felt that he was treating me different.
He never harmed me outright, we fought but that’s how it was. We were on opposing sides, he never took my life. He said he would but he never did.
When I found out he and were similar in make up from Garland. It pushed me over the edge. When I found out Kuja had known me when I was younger, I knew then I wasn’t wrong for feeling the way I felt, and it broke my heart that I had to stop him. I knew he was wrong. I knew and told myself I had full resolve to kill him if need be but, I knew I never could, I held back and I’d never admit it to my friends.
When he fell, I felt like I had lost something, I lost all hope of ever being able to bond and talk with him, ask all the unanswered questions. He had survived.
When he saved us I felt blessed, that’s why I had to go back, they didn’t understand and I knew. They just thought I was up to my antics , “Zidane will help anyone” but it wasn’t like the passing care and help I gave them. It was urgent , it was dire, it was my heart.
Inside of the Iifa tree, we finally became honest with each other. To this day I can’t really say what I truly felt. For a few years I thought it was the feeling of finding a kindred spirit, for some I thought I had been in love, and sometimes I just thought it was because we were both Genomes.
I wish I would’ve asked or him told him how I felt, maybe he could’ve helped me figure out what it was. I’ll always wonder what could’ve been.
I should be grateful for what was.
The end