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It's cloudy outside, but then again, it was always cloudy now. The smell of smoke and gasoline clogs Finn's airways but he doesn't choke on it, he's used to it by now. The stench of death is a disgusting constant at this point.
Finn creeps along the desolate sidewalk, occasionally glancing back at the others behind him. There's Jannah and Delilah, and of course Rey, plus two men named Oliver and William and a pair of twins named Johnathan and Jasmine. All together they're about a fifth of what remains of the New Haven Resistance. Their numbers have gone down since Leia died, even with Poe's recruit missions going out every week to look for lone survivors, stragglers, camps like theirs.
Finn was trying his best, but when Poe is out, he's just one man leading some fourty-odd misfits against an entire world of raging, infected beings. There's maps to read and data to collect, there's recon to be done, supplies to scrounge up, and then of course there's the ordeal of keeping the camp members from killing each other. Everyone's hurting, everyone has lost someone, they're all grieving in their own way and Finn can only be in one place at one time. He can't be there to stop every fight that breaks out.
A scream tears Finn back to the task at hand. He turns around to see an Infected charging at Jasmine, maybe fifteen feet out. Finn racks his shotgun, aiming for the head and screams, "Jasmine get out of the way!" But Jasmine won't get back, and Finn feels his stomach drop as the Infected gets closer, blood streaked across its face and dripping from its mouth. "GET BACK-" he shouts.
Johnathan grabs her around the waist as she screams, "no! No you can't! Please-"
That's when Finn recognizes her.
Her black hair was once pulled back into a neat bun but it has since fallen down, covering her face in places, but he knows that face. He knows that face. The warmth that used to be in those eyes has been drained, and the color is gone from her lively cheeks. She's wearing New Haven colors, black and red, and underneath the dirt, behind all the murderous rage Finn can see the remnants of a friendly face.
She's closing in. She's almost near enough to touch Jasmine, one bloody hand outstretched towards her target. One scratch from those nails, one bite from those teeth, and Jasmine's a goner.
Finn takes the shot.
The woman makes a horrible noise as the bullet strikes her directly in the forehead, and she hits the ground with a sickening thud. Jasmine falls to her knees, crawling closer to the body until Jannah calls out to her.
"Jasmine! You know you can't touch her-"
Jasmine screams, raw and full of grief. The sound sends a dull ache into Finn's head and nearly cracks his heart in two. Jasmine's young, she shouldn't have to deal with this. With one shot he saved her life, but in turn she stole the last of her innocence. Finn shudders once, and watches as Johnathan holds his sister close, rocking her as she sobs.
"Come on, we have to keep moving," he says. Johnathan looks up at him, tears in his eyes, and nods once. He pulls Jasmine to her feet, steadying her so they can continue on.
Finn leads them on to an abandoned drug store, gathering the medicinal supplies they were running low on. By the time they've stocked up Jasmine's sobs have turned to quiet sniffles. There's a somber air between them, thick and heavy and all consuming, but this is how things are now. This is how they live.
Finn doesn't realize he's crying until they've made it back to camp.
He moves through his duties feeling detached from the whole ordeal. Kaydel tells him that Poe radioed back to camp to report on their recruit mission, but it's not good news. It's never good news. She relays the message, that they've lost three fighters and they won't be back until sundown. Finn finds himself counting down the hours.
Poe and his squad return around nine, Finn knows because he sees Jess relaying information to Rey, but they don't get a chance to meet until much later. Finn is too busy going over maps with Kaydel.
"We know there's about five living here, and Poe's squad was ambushed right around here," he says, placing old poker chips on the spots. They make due with what they have, and what they have is poker chips. "We've charted this area and there's none inside," he muses, pointing to an old airport.
Kaydel nods, fingers tracing the perimeter of the space. "One one hand it's open and unprotected, but on the other hand it's fenced-"
"And the hangars make great shelter." Finn says, already writing things down. "If we could get a squad out there, make sure the fence is intact-"
"We could secure the location as a new camp," Kaydel finishes.
Finn nods, jotting down a few more notes before rolling up one of the two maps and stuffing it under his arm. "If we assemble a squad now we can set out around dawn," he tells her. "I'll start gathering them now."
It took Finn about an hour to assemble and brief all seven people, and by the time he was done he wanted nothing more than to find Poe and collapse into his arms. But work was never done for him, and it was almost an hour more before he made it back to their cabin. Poe seems to have been just as busy, because when Finn steps in the door, Poe is just beginning to strip out of his day clothes.
"Hey baby," he mumbles. His eyes are tired but his smile is genuine as he tugs off his mud caked boots.
"Hi," Finn murmurs, stepping closer and tucking a curl behind Poe's hair. It's greasy, and there's dirt and grime all over his face and jesus christ this man stinks to high heaven. "Babe I love you, but when's the last time you showered?"
Poe wrinkles up his nose, stepping back and stripping out of his shirt with a large yawn. "Sorry, it's been a week, I think? I'll go shower." He pulls off his socks, stumbling until Finn catches him.
"I'll go with you," he murmurs, dragging an already half asleep Poe towards the shower they've rigged up behind their cabin.
He helps Poe out of his pants, deflecting all of his inappropriate comments and pulling him under the icy spray. It's well past one in the morning but the air still retains an impossible amount of heat and humidity, so the cold water isn't exactly unwelcome. He grabs a washcloth and gently scrubs away all the grime on Poe's face until his skin is clean and glowing once more under the moonlight.
"There he is," he whispers, placing a kiss on the tip of Poe's nose.
Poe smiles a little, leaning in closer with another yawn. "Thank you," he manages, eyes opening a bit before slipping into this long, lazy blink that Finn finds extremely adorable.
Finn smiles, positioning Poe against him so that he can lather up some shampoo in his hands and start to massage it into Poe's scalp. He groans softly, leaning closer into Finn and kissing his bare shoulder. He misses this Poe, the Poe from before. He misses the quiet mornings in their apartment when the sunlight would caress their bare skin, eyes slipping closed and limbs tangling together having kissed through the night. He misses the times when Poe would look at him, eyes bright and excited for their future. When he would pull Finn into his arms and twirl him around, saying "baby I can't wait to marry you."
They were planning their wedding before the shit hit the fan, they were so close to the date, but then this goddamn infection broke out and, well, here they were three years later. Sure, they had dressed up in the nicest clothes they had and said hasty vows about a year ago in front of a half dozen of their closest remaining friends, but as selfish as it was, Finn really wanted more. Of course he was grateful that he had a chance to marry the love of his life, that Poe was his husband now, but he couldn't help but think of all they had missed out on. They were going to get married on the beach, and honeymoon in Europe. They were going to buy a farmhouse out in the New York countryside. And kids, god, Finn wanted kids more than anything else in the world.
Finn sighs, rinsing the last of the soap from Poe's hair and handing him a washcloth. He washes himself sluggishly, still leaning on Finn, and then turns off the water. They make their way back inside, hot sticky air already beginning to cling to their cool skin. Poe murmurs something unintelligible, waving Finn off when he is asked to repeat himself, and towels them both off as quickly as he could. Their bed was just big enough for both of them, and Poe curled into Finn's body, skin touching soft, dewy skin.
"Love you," he mumbles, nuzzling Finn's neck.
He's asleep before Finn can reply.