Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Look at these flowers, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa calls out, waving his hands to call Iwaizumi over to the row of potted plants in the small garden. They’ve just come out of the clubroom and headed to the gym to join the others for their afternoon practice. 

Iwaizumi felt in his gut that there was something Oikawa was hiding from him. When Oikawa called out to him once again, he blinks away the suspicion of Oikawa keeping something from him and took three long strides to get to where the other boy was crouched. Oikawa was all smiles as he gave adoring looks to the blossoming buds of daisies. 

“Iwa-chan, guess what I love more than volleyball,” Oikawa said, voice light, teasing. His fingers ghosted over the petals like he was tracing something invisible. Iwaizumi sighed, already used to these weird little games. “Dunno. Alien abductions?”

Oikawa pouted. “Rude.”

“It’s flowers, isn’t it?"

A hum, drawn out too long. Iwaizumi frowned. Something about the way Oikawa was acting didn’t sit right., Oikawa didn’t answer right away, he just hummed long enough to run out of breath. It was a mystery to Hajime what Oikawa might be referring to right now. Even though he’d grown up with this guy, there were still times like this when he cannot read him. 

“Oh, by the way,” Oikawa was quick to change the topic, Iwaizumi didn’t want to be bothered by the puzzle that Oikawa was and so he let it go and didn’t ask more questions and just asked Oikawa to continue what he was saying. 

“What is it?” Iwaizumi asked as they slide open the door to the Aoba Johsai gymnasium where they greeted the rest of the volleyball club members, stopping their conversation midway. After taking their shoes off and changing into their indoor ones.

“Bring me some flowers tomorrow like the last time, okay?” Oikawa smiled before he proceeded to join the other boys practicing some receives. 

“What the hell is going on, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi’s voice was low, sharp. “Quit screwing around.”

Oikawa smiled that stupid smile of his. “Come on, Iwa-chan, just trust me for once.”

“Trust you? What, are you finally gonna tell me what's going on? I don't have time for your stupid games today."

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure what pissed him off more: the uncertainty or the fact that Oikawa was acting like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t.

He joins the practice by warming up first. Iwaizumi is aware of what like the last time that Oikawa was talking about and it made him question himself if that was the reason that Oikawa was acting stranger than usual. Of course, he knows the answer well, he was just hoping that maybe it’s something different. 

After practice was done, Oikawa gathered everyone. Iwaizumi was confused, was there a match coming up? Why is he gathering everyone? He asked himself. Oikawa doesn’t usually ends the practice this way and the only thing that came up on Iwaizumi’s mind was Oikawa is going to say goodbye. 

“Alright, brace yourselves,” Oikawa said, grinning like a cat who'd just eaten a mouse. “I’m officially passing my captaincy to the one and only—Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed. “What the hell are you talking about, Oikawa?”

Oikawa just winked, the usual playful smugness in his voice. “I’m making him take over while I go on a little... vacation.”

“Vacation?” Iwaizumi's voice dropped, a warning in it. “You're not going anywhere, idiot.”

“What are you talking about Oikawa-san?” One of the first years asked curiously, Iwaizumi watches Oikawa’s movements and reaction toward the question thrown at him. 

“I’m quitting the team.” Oikawa finally reveals, shocking everyone in the team except for their coaches who knew this beforehand. 

“And you decide to dump your responsibility to me all of a sudden without me even knowing? Why are you suddenly quitting Shitty-kawa?” Iwaizumi snaps, making the others shut their mouths and stand still to watch the two third years. 

“Calm down, I was getting to that.” Oikawa tries to ease Iwaizumi’s nerves, he attempts to smack Iwaizumi’s back but he swats Oikawa’s hands away and made his way outside, the others were frozen in place unable to think what to do next. Oikawa lets out a hesitant chuckle before turning back to the rest of the team. 

“Aren’t you going after him, Oikawa-san?” Kindaichi, one of the first year asked, breaking the ice. Oikawa waved a hand dismissively and then opens his mouth to explain why he was leaving. His attention was a little halved since he was worried how Iwaizumi would react if he told him the truth. He knows Iwaizumi had an idea what was happening. 

Oikawa’s smile was forced, but still that usual confident grin that Iwaizumi had learned to hate over the years. “So, I’m transferring out to a new school tomorrow. Big move, huh?”

“Bullshit.” Iwaizumi’s voice was firm, no hesitation. “Stop lying, Oikawa. You're not fooling anyone."

Oikawa just laughed it off, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “What can I say? I’m a master of deception. But seriously, I’ll still play volleyball at my new school... try not to miss me too much, yeah?”

It was an unprecedented event for the volleyball club to lose their captain halfway through the school year. He announced that today was the only time they could say goodbye to their best setter and captain because he was going tomorrow. 

He received messages from his teammates saying that if he plays volleyball at his new school, they would make sure to beat him. He acts like the usual, bragging about his skills and the like but deep inside, he was feeling his heart get torn to pieces by the fact he was quitting the team. 

He dismissed the team for the last time and ended up not making it sad unlike how he imagined it to end. After parting ways with the others, Oikawa goes to the school garden where he knows Iwaizumi was waiting for him. 

And just as he predicted, he was sitting on the bench that they always sit in during lunch time. Iwaizumi sends him a disappointed look after he steps foot in the garden, making him stop on his tracks and look away. 

The sun was setting right now and the garden was showered with orange light making the surrounding prettier in Oikawa’s eyes.

“It’s taking you, isn’t it?” Iwaizumi started to confront him, Oikawa wanted to pretend he doesn’t know what the other boy was saying but he thought that Iwaizumi deserves to know the truth. Oikawa had been hesitating for a while whether he’d tell Iwaizumi about what was happening to him, but he can’t hide it anymore. 

“Yes.” He answered shortly. Iwaizumi looks away, breaths in deep before he looked into Oikawa’s eyes to wait for him to explain.

“I lied about moving schools, I can’t tell them I’m going to be stuck in the hospital for the rest of my short life.” Oikawa explained as he turned his back on Iwaizumi, he was staring at the setting sun, savoring his last moments outside. He lets out a chuckle after ending the sentence. 

Iwaizumi was the only one who knew about Oikawa’s sickness.

It wasn’t long ago when Iwaizumi accidentally found out about Oikawa’s illness, if he hadn’t come to Oikawa’s house that weekend a few months ago, he wouldn’t have found out that Oikawa was sick. He also knows well that if he hadn’t been there to witness the diagnosis, Oikawa wouldn’t tell him about it too. 

That day, he was supposed to hand over some flower seeds that his mother wanted to give Tooru because apparently, the boy had gained love over growing flowers. He found the Oikawa’s house in panic of Tooru having hallucinations. He went to the hospital with them and together, they heard the reason for his hallucinations. 

There were also times during a practice match that Oikawa messed up his famous jump serve because he suddenly got off-balance when he jumped. He was hospitalized several times before and always when he’s there, the ill one would always ask for Iwaizumi to bring him flowers when he visits. Oikawa collected the flowers that Iwaizumi brings him, flattening it and making it into bookmarks. 

More and more symptoms of his illness arose lately and Iwaizumi knows that Oikawa’s hospitalization was going to happen soon, but he did not expect this to happen this early and right when Spring High Prelims were in front of their eyes. 

Oikawa glanced over his shoulder with that same unsteady grin, but Iwaizumi could see through it. “You’ll visit me, right? Every day?”

Iwaizumi’s jaw tightened. He couldn’t bring himself to say what he was really feeling—how hurt he was by Oikawa’s decision. Instead, he grunted, voice rough. “Yeah, whatever. I’ve got nothing better to do.”

Oikawa tilted his head, the slightest glimmer of something sad in his eyes, but Iwaizumi was already walking ahead, not looking back. Oikawa didn’t need pity. 

Iwaizumi’s hand clenched into a fist, but his voice was oddly calm. “Guess I’m stuck with you then, huh? Everyone else thinks you’re just transferring, so who else is gonna give a damn?”

Oikawa chuckled weakly, a sound that didn’t carry the usual energy. “I knew you’d say that... You’re the only one who’d actually keep coming to visit me.”

“You’re damn right,” Iwaizumi muttered, turning to walk beside him. He wasn’t good at expressing it, but somehow, Oikawa always seemed to understand.

Iwaizumi might not say it but he was mad at Oikawa for not telling him about this sooner, but he knows he can’t because it was understandable why the other did boy did that.

He didn’t want anybody to worry. 

The next day, Oikawa was confined like he said and as promised, Iwaizumi came to visit him after training. Embarrassed as he is when he entered the hospital room with a flower in hand, he came in and he was met with a baffling question that would’ve made him break down. 

“Who are you?” Oikawa asked, his voice distant, his eyes unfocused as he stared at Iwaizumi without any sign of recognition. Iwaizumi’s expression warped into a terrified one. 

Oikawa burst out laughing, only to be met with a sharp smack to the head from Iwaizumi.

”That hurts Iwa-chan, you shouldn’t hit sick people like that you know.” Oikawa said with a pout and Iwaizumi shoots him a scowl that he immediately took back. 

“Don’t scare me like that.” Iwaizumi whispered with a mad look in his face. He finally handed the stem of sunflower he was hiding behind his back and Oikawa’s eyes lit up from seeing the flowers.

Of course Iwaizumi would panic, after all, one of the symptoms of Oikawa’s illness was memory loss. 

When they both found out about Oikawa’s diagnosis, Iwaizumi spent the night researching about Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease or CJD in short. He was knowledgable about his childhood best friend’s condition and the more the other boy is showing symptoms, the more he gets worried that anytime, he might be gone. If the source he read was credible, Oikawa only has 6 months to a year to live after diagnosis. 

While Iwaizumi watches Tooru play volleyball, sometimes, he can’t help but think of why all of a sudden, the boy was being robbed of achieving his dreams. The two were always going on about how they would defeat Shiratorizawa and go to Nationals, but now that dream of Oikawa is long gone and is entrusted on his hands, Iwaizumi just feels like his dream felt empty without Oikawa pursuing it with him. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan, do you wanna know something about sunflowers?” He asked as Iwaizumi took the seat beside his hospital bed. Iwaizumi just nodded and waited for Oikawa to start talking about flowers.

“There’s a story about a nymph named Clytie who loved Apollo, the sun god, but he left her for the sea goddess Leucothea. Left heartbroken, Clytie watched Apollo as he crossed the sky in his golden chariot for 9 days without food or water, slowly wasting away.” His voice slowed down, his eyes downcast, feeling the story.  

“Yeah, well, you know how it usually goes. Eventually, Clytie transformed into a sunflower, her face permanently turned towards the sun.” He chuckled, then touched the petals of the flower gently. “It’s such a sad story for a flower that represents happiness, don’t you think?” Oikawa chuckled lifting the sunflower to cover his face and smiling, Iwaizumi would’ve believed that smile if it weren’t for his sad brown eyes. Oikawa set the flower aside before he faced Iwaizumi again. 

“How’s the team doing?” Tooru breaks the silence in the room with a question that also brought Hajime back to consciousness. 

“They’re all feeling down without you around. Some girls came around asking for you too.” The asked one answered truthfully. While smelling the flowers, Oikawa just hums as response. 

“Oh? They miss me that much already? Maybe I should go and surprise them one of these days.” Oikawa wondered out loud, Iwaizumi can hear how much Tooru longed to toss balls for the team. “How is Yahaba doing?” He asked again, referring to their second year setter that would replace his role in the team. 

“He’s still really startled with your sudden departure.” 

“That’s to be expected,” Oikawa answered with a light chuckle as he turned his head to the side to look outside of his hospital room.  

“Take me outside, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa orders with an excited smile. The other boy just sighed and helped Oikawa out of bed and out of the building. 

When Oikawa got to the small garden of the hospital, “Ahh, it’s such a beautiful day.” he breathed happily with a content smile displayed on his lips. He looks up to the orange and indigo colored clouds and like the day before, it showered them with orange and warm light of late October. 

Iwaizumi watched him silently with his hands on his pockets. He thought that Oikawa is trying to soak up all the sunlight he can get before he really gets confined inside his hospital room and it saddened him. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan if I asked you to help me get out of here, would you?” Oikawa questioned as he turned towards the boy who had been watching his every move. 

“And let you lose more minutes of your short life?” Hajime asked with a frown, “I refuse.” Oikawa understands why Iwaizumi said this, Oikawa lets out an entertained laugh. 

“Iwa-chan, are you my mom?” Oikawa teased and Iwaizumi felt his irritation skyrocket, but he calmed himself down because Oikawa’s said this a hundred times before, besides, the other boy was just trying to lighten up the mood. 

“But if you really want to when you’re sick of your hospital room, I might.” Iwaizumi responds with a small voice, Oikawa grins from what he was told. “Thank you, Iwa-chan!” He said before he turned to run towards the flowerbed nearby and identified the flowers growing there and Hajime just stands and watches him admire the flowers. 

“I probably won’t be let out my room like this soon, so it’s really refreshing to soak up all the outside air like that.” Oikawa commented. They were walking down the hallway to head back to his room after the sun had set. Iwaizumi heard the lingering sadness evident in Tooru’s voice.

“Oh, by the way Iwa-chan, can you take care of the flowers I’m blooming in the garden? I’m sure mom would let you.” Oikawa added, Hajime sent him a scowl.

”Will you stop sounding like it’s really over for you?” He snapped and Oikawa just smiles at him gently. 

“But it is.” He said in a serene tone like he already accepted that he’ll soon be gone. 

“Don’t say that, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi’s voice finally broke. If Oikawa accepted his fate, Iwaizumi hasn’t, he can never. 

““Why are you giving up so easily? We were supposed to go to Nationals together and beat everyone there...” Iwaizumi asked him with tears starting to fill his eyes. 

“But I can’t anymore, you know that well. I’m getting sicker everyday and there is no cure for this.” Oikawa started to feel the tears sting his eyes too, it was coming, but he doesn’t want to show that to his best friend.

”Beat Ushiwaka-chan for me, alright?” He said, making Iwaizumi promise him, if he was still in the team, he would’ve been improving his signature jump serve. The prelims was a month away and Oikawa was feeling horrible with having to stay behind, leaving the team when they needed him the most. 

“I’m still waiting for you to tell me sike, it’s a prank to me you know.” Iwaizumi spoke his mind out, making Oikawa stare at him cluelessly. 

“Huh?” 

“I want you to tell me this is all a joke you’re playing and come back to practice tomorrow.” He explained for Oikawa and he just stared at him with a slight smile on his face. Tooru couldn’t look into Iwaizumi’s eyes because tears had started flowing down his cheeks, before he gets the chance to turn away, Iwaizumi already caught a glimpse of the waterworks falling on Tooru’s cheeks. 

“I begged my parents to let me play at least until the prelims were done, but even if they wanted me to, my body is slowly giving up on me.” Oikawa confessed, his voice breaking and he bit hard on his lip to prevent himself to let out a big fat sob. 

“All I can do now is watch all of you without me, but I can’t stand that either. I want to set for you guys like how I always do.” Oikawa tried to swallow the big lump on his throat with teary eyes. 

Everything Oikawa had been aiming for was suddenly thrown out the window. All the years of training to be a good setter for his team was been put to an end just because he got sick. 

“I wish I could set the ball for you again, Iwa-chan.” He said in a tone almost a whisper. After hearing that, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but turn away because he was feeling the pain in his chest grow the longer he stared at the hopeless boy in front of him. 

Not wanting it to get more depressing because that was unlike them, Iwaizumi handed a whole ply of tissues towards Oikawa. 

“You’re really ugly when you cry.” He joked, while he heard Oikawa chuckle, he turns to look at him and puts his hand on Tooru’s hair. 

“Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite setter.” He said with a plot starting in mind. 

“That’s sweet of you, Iwa-chan.” Tooru cooed and Iwaizumi just chuckled and said, “Shut up, you didn’t hear that.” While feeling his ears and cheeks burn. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I should be going.” Iwaizumi bids goodbye, Oikawa waves him goodbye with a smile. Before he shuts the door behind him, he caught Oikawa stare into the window and wipe his cheeks again. 

He knows he’s being illogical for wanting to do idiotic things for Oikawa, but it was the least he can do for the person he cares about the most. It’s the least he can do now that Tooru had less than a year left and Iwaizumi wants do everything he can to make him happy. 

Iwaizumi woke up in the middle of the night due to the cold wind passing by his window. Usually he’d wake up with Oikawa throwing rocks at his window, but he was reminded that Oikawa was staying in the hospital. 

He never thought he’d wish for Oikawa to be throwing rocks in his bedroom window that night as he laid overflowing with worry for the other. 

Just as he was wondering if the other was awake, his phone came to life, blinding him for a little bit. After having adjusted to the sudden brightness, he finds a newly sent message from the boy he just thought of. 

     Iwa-chan~ u up? 

“Is this idiot a psychic or something?” He asked himself as he presses his finger to the screen to unlock his phone and read the message. As soon as the read banner came under his text message, Oikawa types in another message, making the ellipses jump, Iwaizumi waited for the text message that Oikawa was typing. 

    Can I call you? 

Iwaizumi was planning to say no, but if he turned him down, but he know he has a high chance of not being able to go back to sleep with all his Tooru-filled thoughts and so instead of replying, he went and pressed the call button on top of the screen. 

Oikawa didn’t waste any time and answered right away.

”Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” Was the first thing Tooru said. 

“No, I was awake, don’t worry.” Iwaizumi answered gently, they were silent for a moment, only hearing each other’s breathing through the phone, Iwaizumi doesn’t know what to say, Oikawa was hesitating to tell the other boy what was on his mind.  

Iwaizumi thought that Oikawa was suffering from insomnia due to his condition, as much as he wanted to go to Oikawa tonight, he was held up with the responsibility of having to attend classes tomorrow. 

Iwaizumi went to his window and sat on the window pane while waiting for Tooru to break the silence. 

“Iwa-chan, I’m sorry for leaving you all the responsibility I should be doing.” The other boy spoke up, Iwaizumi heaved a heavy sigh and said, “Don’t worry about it, I understand.” 

Oikawa wasn’t the kind of guy who’d apologize for such things, he was someone who wouldn’t turn back on his decisions. But his sickness was slowly taking a toll on his brain it was painful for Iwaizumi to hear such things from Oikawa. 

“I’ve always hesitated about continuing volleyball, but now that this has happened to me, I guess I had fate decide that for me.” Oikawa lets out an empty chuckle. 

“Don’t say that, Trashkawa, it’s like you regretted getting into volleyball and I don’t want you saying that.” Iwaizumi countered, grunting. Oikawa chokes at a pretend laugh, then Iwaizumi heard sobs. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t hold back anymore. He sat up from his bed, stretched a little while keeping in the line with Oikawa. He didn’t bother getting out of his sweatpants and tattered shirt and just put on a sweater, got into his sneakers, pocketed the school gym keys and snuck out through the window. 

“Iwa-chan, what are you doing?” Oikawa asked when he heard the shuffling in Iwaizumi’s side. Iwaizumi was trying to catch his breath after he just climbed down from the tree, he couldn’t hear Oikawa until he retrieved his phone from his pocket. 

“Oi, are you still there?” Iwaizumi called out as he started biking down the path towards the hospital. It would take more than 20 minutes for him to go there, but even though he’s barely gotten sleep from studying and, even though he still has school tomorrow, even if he still has to go a long way to be with Oikawa tonight, he was willing to take a make a lot of effort. 

He can ditch anything and everything if it meant spending more time with Oikawa. 

“Yes, I’m still here. What were you doing Iwa-chan?” Oikawa responds after a while, from the looks of it, he stopped crying. 

“I’m going to see you, I’ll show you that it’s still worth it to dream and that volleyball isn’t a waste of time.” Iwaizumi responded as his breathing got heavy by the moment. He didn’t mean to turn the call off, but if he wanted to go there in an instant, he needed to. 

He was heaving heavy breaths by the time he reached the hospital, just as he was about to go in, Oikawa was standing outside in a hoodie and cap. 

“Oikawa...” His voice trailed of and Oikawa lifts his head and beamed at Iwaizumi just as the moon peaks from behind the midnight clouds. 

“Yo, Iwa-chan!” He waved, Iwaizumi smacked his head and frowns, “What are you doing outside?” He asked him furiously. Oikawa just gives a sad look with a pretend happy smile. 

“I wanted to wait for you.” He said, then, Iwaizumi sighed and squeezed his eyes shut to stop himself from scolding the sickly one. 

“Wait for me inside next time, okay? It’s freezing out here in this hour.” Iwaizumi told him gently, Oikawa’s eyes were littered with sparkles. “There’s a next time?” He asked and Iwaizumi just nodded. 

Hopefully. Iwaizumi thought. Oikawa cheered and then they fell silent again. Iwaizumi brings out a broken-stemmed and slightly withered flower from his sweater pockets and then Oikawa laughed appreciatively as he took it from him. 

“I just picked that out from the sidewalk, I’m sorry it’s dead.” Hajime blushed and attempted to hide his face by turning his back to Oikawa who was gladly smiling like he wasn’t just crying a few minutes ago. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m still happy because it’s from you.” Oikawa chuckled and then takes a step closer to where his best friend was. The other boy just blushed heavier. 

“Though I don’t think I’m able to tell you something about this flower.” he informed, Iwaizumi just hummed a short response.

“So, where are we going tonight?” Oikawa asked excitedly. Iwaizumi was planning to reserve this plan for tomorrow night, but he had nowhere to take Oikawa and he was feeling down about volleyball and so he clicked his tongue before he faced Oikawa. 

“Play volleyball.” The other boy answered after he started to head towards where he left his bike. “Yay!” Oikawa let out another cheer, but years of Iwaizumi’s knowledge determined that Oikawa was faking his cheerfulness. 

And so they left for school in Iwaizumi’s bike. The moonlight disappeared midway and made it easy to sneak in inside the school without them being spotted by whoever might pass by. 

When they successfully got past the school’s small gate, they slowly made their way to the gym and the new captain of the volleyball team opened the door for them, “Iwa-chan, what does it feel like being a captain?” Oikawa jeered as they shut the door behind them. “Exactly and not exactly like being vice captain.” Iwaizumi answered for him.

”What do you mean?” Oikawa asked as he looked around the large gym he just saw a day ago, but already missed it. 

“Well, because I have to take care of you in various ways when you were still captain and that’s just seems like we’re actually switched in position, but, that’s also the exact reason why I haven’t felt different given this position. But...” Iwaizumi trailed off as he turned the lights on, blinding them both from sudden exposure to light. 

“But?” Oikawa asked as their eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness. They head towards the room where the volleyball equipments were kept, Oikawa’s question lingered in the air as Iwaizumi took his time to gather up the courage to answer it. 

“But I don’t want to be the captain if this is what it takes for me to become one. Even though you needed to be tended to for most of the time, I’d rather you be the captain and lead us all to victory.” Iwaizumi explained as he pulled the cart of volleyball out of the equipment room. 

Oikawa lets out an amused laugh, “I never thought I’d hear you say that, Iwa-chan.” He teased, making the nerves on Iwaizumi’s head pop out of irritation. 

“Shut up, dumbass.” He responded, making Oikawa pose one of his trademark expressions where he sticks out his tongue while smiling with one of his eyes closed. 

“But kidding aside, that’s really...sweet. And I wish I could grant your wish, but right now, all I can do is play volleyball in secret with you.” Oikawa sighed as he got a ball from the cart, twisting it in his palms. 

“All you can do now is stop fooling around and get your ass treated.” Iwaizumi stated and Oikawa just breathes exasperatedly. “I wish it were that easy.” He murmured. 

After they fixed up the net, they started warming up and Iwaizumi had his eyes on Oikawa all the time, watching, waiting, observing Oikawa’s every move. He was on high alert, prepared to catch the other boy if he was to fall down. 

Oikawa was still strong enough to be able to try his famous jump serve. Him being bedridden for a day had him bursting out with energy he saved. 

”Iwa-chan!” Oikawa called out as he set the ball for him, Iwaizumi hit the ball perfectly, leaving a familiar sting on his palms that made him smile in satisfaction. 

“Your sets are really just different.” Iwaizumi attempted to compliment and as he turned to Oikawa, he already had a smug grin on his face. 

“Ara ara, it’s really new to me that you’re complimenting me.” Oikawa countered making Iwaizumi pick a stray ball at his feet and throwing it at Oikawa who dodged it perfectly. 

They kept at it, Oikawa setting the ball accurately for Iwaizumi and him hitting the ball perfectly. For a short moment, Oikawa doesn’t know if he just pictured them in Nationals or if he hallucinated that, but as Iwaizumi called him out, he snapped out of the fantasy he’s been longing for and that was when he started to crumble—both his mind and his heart. 

”What happened?” Iwaizumi asked as Oikawa lets go of the volleyball in his hands, then he slowly kneeled down on the floor.

“I love volleyball so much, Iwa-chan.” He spoke as he buried his face between his palms. Iwaizumi who just jogged over in a rush towards the middle of the court where Oikawa was slowly breaking down. 

“What’s the matter?” Iwaizumi asked concernedly, he crouched down beside the other boy as he put his hand on his shoulders, he looked up with tears brimming on the corners of his brown eyes. Iwaizumi suddenly felt his heart break with seeing how Oikawa looked right now. 

“I really want to continue playing.” The other paused as he let out a heavy and big sob. “I saw us, were playing in Tokyo.” He confessed, “I want that to be true and not just a hallucination.” He grabs Iwaizumi’s arms and then he pulled the boy into a tight hug, Oikawa’s fingers digging into Iwaizumi’s sweater and he continued to cry. He sobbed and he wailed until he couldn’t breathe. 

Iwaizumi wasn’t saying anything, but he was also almost in tears as he kept Oikawa in his arms. 

”I shouldn’t have brought you here.” Iwaizumi whispered, Oikawa hears, and he shook his head while his face is buried on Iwaizumi’s chest. 

“I’m sorry Iwa-chan, I’m sorry for leaving everything to you—the team, beating Shiratorizawa, Nationals, our dream, I’m sorry.” He cried again, his voice breaking had Iwaizumi’s soul broken too. 

“I’m supposed to make you happy by playing volleyball, you know.” Iwaizumi chuckled out, trying to stop himself from breaking down together with his best friend. 

“You did.” Oikawa sniffled, lifting his face, discovering the tear stains he left on Iwaizumi’s shirt, he chuckled as he wiped off the snot slowly peaking out of his nose. 

“I’m kind of tired now.” He announced with a smile, the other boy only nods and gathers the volleyballs and put it in the cart, later on, they took down the net and they moped the floor, cleaning up and not leaving a trace of them being there tonight. 

As they close the lights, Oikawa clears his throat to get Iwaizumi’s attention. “Thank you, Iwa-chan.” He said with the purest smile that melted Iwaizumi’s heart. 

“You’re welcome, dumbass.” He replied, returning a smile. Oikawa didn’t need to explain or say anything more because even though the night Iwaizumi had planned drifted into something somber, he just hoped that even if it’s just a little, Oikawa felt happier than how he was an hour ago. 

Iwaizumi escorted Oikawa back to the hospital and parting ways at the entrance where Oikawa gives another of his pretty smiles with a wave of his hand.

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi woke up feeling like last night had been a dream, as he lay in bed to process what happened, he didn’t notice that he was going to be late. 

“Shit, I’m going to miss morning practice.” He cursed as he rushed to change into his uniform, nearly tearing his slacks in the process. 

As he got out of the house, he was expecting for Oikawa to be waiting outside his doorstep, but when he didn’t see Oikawa there, he lets out another curse and got on his bike and pedaled his way to school in a dangerous speed. 

Get it together, Hajime, Oikawa’s not coming to school. He reminded himself.

He was starting to feel sappy over not being able to walk to school with Oikawa, buying milk bread at the nearby bakery for breakfast. 

“Maybe I should bring him milk bread this afternoon.” He muttered to himself as he thought of what flower he’d take today to make up for the dead one he gave last night.

Then, he asked himself when did Tooru started liking flowers. He’s been around his life for more than a decade, but he has no clue how the other grew so much love for flowers. Then, Oikawa’s question the other day resurfaced. 

Guess what I love more than volleyball. Oikawa’s voice resounded in his head. 

“What could he possibly love more than volleyball anyway?” He asked himself as he parked his bike. He wasn’t late for class, but he sure missed morning practice for volleyball. He made sure to apologize to the team for failing to attend practice. 

Like yesterday, he didn’t manage to get used to not spending his free time with Oikawa and he hasn’t felt this strong longing towards him until today when he wasn’t interrupted during his lunch when Oikawa would barge into their classroom and bother him for not waiting to have lunch with him. 

Issei and Takahiro invited him to have lunch together, but as they did, he can’t seem to be present with his mind floating away, wondering what Oikawa felt or how Oikawa was holding up. 

Is he sad, is he okay? I hope he’s not feeling down again. These thoughts raced in his head, he sighed as he tried to shake it off and just check up on him. He excused himself for a while, leaving the two boys alone and walking out of hearing range and dialed Oikawa’s number. 

Not a moment too soon, Oikawa picked up and greeted him so energetically he felt exhausted from how Oikawa delivered that much energy. “Iwa-chaaaaan!~” 

“Hey.” He greeted back, smiling to himself with hearing the other boy’s voice. 

“Did you suddenly miss me and decided that you want to hear my voice?” The other boy asked, teasing Iwaizumi, making him growl.

”Ha？Why would I miss you?” He asked, his inner tsundere unleashing itself, making Oikawa burst out into laughter from that response that he obviously wanted Iwaizumi to act out. 

“I just guessed, Iwa-chan, I didn’t know it would be so accurate like this.” He added and then Iwaizumi hides his smile even though Oikawa wouldn’t see it. 

“How are you feeling?” Iwaizumi asked as he leaned his back on the wall. He waited for the other to respond, he was silent for a while, only breathing, possibly thinking of how to answer that question. 

“I don’t know.” He paused to laugh, the other boy felt how empty that laugh was. “How about you? Aren’t you sleepy and tired after what you pulled up last night?” Oikawa turned the question over to Iwaizumi, he breathes out a sigh, “I’m alright, it’s not like I’m not used to those kinda stuff.” He replied. 

“That’s good then, you’ll still come visit me later, right?” 

“Of course.” Iwaizumi replied. 

“I’ll see you later then.” Oikawa said, Iwaizumi just answered him simply. “Bye bye, Iwa-chan.” Before Iwaizumi could even respond, Oikawa put the phone down. 

Just as he walked back to where Issei and Takahiro were, he lets out a long yawn, making the other two ask him if he stayed up late studying again. 

He went through the day feeling weird without Oikawa there like yesterday. 

It was just so weird how someone you’re used to be with everyday suddenly isn’t there. Iwaizumi thought as he was helping with cleaning up after practice. 

“Iwaizumi-san, have you kept in touch with Oikawa-san?” One of the second years asked him, he just nodded as an answer. 

“What school did he transfer to? Is he going to play volleyball there too?” The persistent second year asked, Iwaizumi wasn’t so prepared with what he was going to answer the underclassman. 

He lets out a nervous laugh, then he turned to the second year and said, “You know how that idiot is, he’d just surprise us with what team he’s going to play with, didn’t even tell me where.” He settled for that as a reply, the other just chuckled. 

“That is just like Oikawa-san!” The underclassman replied and then he proceeded with cleaning up, trying to avoid possible questions the other members might be wanting to ask him. 

As he walked to the station carrying the flowers and the bread he bought for Oikawa today, he can’t help but think how much he wished the lie he told was true. 

When he got to the hospital, he found him fast asleep, he must’ve been tired from all the test and check-ups he was put through. 

“Tooru.” He called out, he felt himself blush the second Oikawa’s first name came out of his mouth, the other boy didn’t stir and that made him sigh of relief. He placed the flower on the bedside table and sat on the seat provided. 

He watched the sleeping Oikawa, and he chuckled at the thought of how he really looked like an angel when he’s like this, but the sadness washed over him like ice cold water, sending shivers down his spine. 

He would rather see the lively, wild, sometimes devilish and random Oikawa than witness him like this, because he doesn’t want to get used to this peace he is displaying, it’s like practicing to get used to him being gone. 

Oikawa didn’t wake up until Iwaizumi had just left. 

That evening, he didn’t get to see Iwaizumi, but the flowers on his bedside table proved him that he came and that was enough. He walked home dragging his feet, ready to run back to the hospital. 

Too bad he didn’t hear his daily flower trivia. 

Iwaizumi got busy as days passed by, he was practicing hard for the coming prelims and even though they beat the Karasuno Volleyball team last time, he knew how much those crows would improve to beat them and with Oikawa out of the team, he was faced with great challenges trying to keep the team together. 

He didn’t get to visit as much as he used to and when he does, Oikawa’s either asleep or too weak to talk or sometimes, he’s having those episodes where he doesn’t remember people and the latter hurt Iwaizumi more than he expected. It was just a few minutes of Oikawa with his memory impairment, but the thought of him not being able to remember for a long time frightened Iwaizumi.  

He showed more advanced psychological symptoms of his illness lately, Iwaizumi was refrained from visiting at times and that depressed and worried him enough he would always think of reasons to go even in the middle of the night.

During practice, he would always find himself practicing overtime like how Oikawa used to do, he was unconsciously adapting his partner's habits and sometimes he’d breakdown with all the pressure he’s putting upon himself as the Spring High Prelims approaches closer and as Oikawa’s condition worsens. 

It was a weekend and Iwaizumi had just come from practice when he found himself stopping by at a bakery and a flower shop. It’s been a while since he last saw him and his feet moved on its own, heading towards where Oikawa was. 

When he got to the hospital, he was greeted by Oikawa’s mom who had just exited Tooru’s room, “Hajime-kun, you came.” She said with a grateful smile displayed on her lips. She looked exhausted with the big and dark bags under her eyes, she looked older than the last time Iwaizumi saw her.

“He hasn’t been doing well, I’m glad you came, seeing you might give him more motivation to continue fighting.” Oikawa’s mother said as she sat on the bench provided in front of Tooru’s room. Iwaizumi decided to join her. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately, Mrs. Oikawa.” Iwaizumi apologized, she waved her hands nonchalantly and then she smiled. 

“I understand, Hajime-kun. I’m sure Tooru also understands that too, after all, he would always say that you’re fulfilling both of your dreams.” She said, tears started to fill the edges of her eyes and then she turned to smile again, “I’m happy you still haven’t given up on your dreams.” She said. 

“Ah, I need to go home to get some stuff for Tooru, would you watch over him until I get back?” She said, wiping her tears away in a swift move after she’s stood up. 

“Of course, Mrs. Oikawa.” Iwaizumi answered politely, she then went on her way and Iwaizumi made his way inside Oikawa’s room. 

“Yo, Oikawa.” He greeted with a smile, Mrs. Oikawa wasn’t lying when she said he hasn’t been feeling better, he looked horrible than the last time he saw him. His eyes were deeper, he was also getting thinner, just the sight pained Iwaizumi, it reminded him that Oikawa was being eaten by his illness little by little and that soon, he might not be able to see him again. 

“Iwa-chan.” He greeted, attempting to smile, but doing so was painful for Oikawa, his eyes were the only way he can prove how much he was glad Iwaizumi was there right now. It must’ve been one of his bad days, Iwaizumi thought 

“I brought your favorite milk bread and a flower too.” Iwaizumi informed, handing his presents over to the sickly one. He gave a weak smile. 

“Thank you.” He said. He turned to the window and Iwaizumi took his usual seat on the stool next to the bed.

“How is everyone doing? Tell me you’ll beat those damned crows.” Oikawa said, Iwaizumi chuckled, but right now he was hoping Oikawa could play with him, just to give him motivation too. 

Lately, the two of them are no longer feeling the fighting spirit to keep on being strong with battles they were facing. Oikawa wanted to fight over a cureless sickness, Iwaizumi wanted to fight a battle he cannot see doing without Oikawa. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t want to cry, but seeing Oikawa like this still was new to him and it hurt him, it pained him that Oikawa was slowly slipping away.

“Everyone’s doing great. But...it still isn’t the same, Oikawa.” He finally replied after a long moment of silence between the two of them. 

“Haven’t you got used to it yet, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa tried to laugh. “Who would get used to you not being around? It’s painful not hearing all your Iwa-chan echo loud in the gym.” Iwaizumi countered as he turned his face away from Oikawa. 

“I knew you’d miss me there.” Oikawa joked again. 

“Promise me you’ll win, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa made him swear, Hajime took a deep breath before he slowly shifted on his seat so he would be looking straight at Oikawa’s sad eyes. Then he extended a hand with his pinky sticking out, the corners of Oikawa’s lips turned up and he lifted a hand with his pinky out too. 

As they intertwined their pinky fingers together, Oikawa’s smile evaporated and his eyes looked hollow. He lets out a nervous chuckle, then he looked into Iwaizumi’s worried eyes before he lets go of his pinky, letting his limb fall.

“What were we talking about again?” He asked in confusion, blinking cluelessly at Iwaizumi. He suddenly felt hollow. 

“Nothing important.” Iwaizumi answered in monotone. He wasn’t sure how he would feel after he’s witnessed Oikawa’s memories get wiped out in front of him. Oikawa didn’t believe him at all, his face turned sullen. Creases formed on his forehead and he stared at his fingers in an attempt to remember what was happening. 

He jerked when Iwaizumi puts a hand on his shoulders and gazed at him concernedly. “Don’t force yourself, it’s alright you don’t have to remember.” He tried to reassure, but Oikawa just nodded lightly. 

Tension grew when silence prevailed, to try and get off the negative feeling starting to grow in both their minds and chest, Iwaizumi picks up the flower he bought and forced a smile. 

“Hey, tell me something about this flower.” He asked, then Oikawa’s eyes lit up brighter than the sun setting behind him. It made Iwaizumi smile too, it’s been a while since he last saw that smile. 

“I think this one is a carnation.” he identified right away as he took it in his hands, Iwaizumi felt relief creep up his chest as soon as he saw how calm Oikawa looks now. 

As Oikawa stares at the red bloom in his hands, his eyes grew wide and he immediately turned his face away. His usual foxiness was suddenly buried down by his embarrassment. 

Iwaizumi watched him as he tried to hide the blush slowly painting his face red. Iwaizumi worried he was feeling ill.

But Oikawa was just flustered at what he was about to say to his best friend. 

Carnations, for the French, are only given to someone you’re romantically involved. 

But Oikawa let out a soft chuckle with the thoughts Iwa-chan wouldn’t know about that, of course. And we’re not French. He tried to calm his bashfulness before speaking about something else about the carnation flower. 

“Carnations symbolize innocent blood. The story behind it is when the Roman goddess Diana blamed an innocent guy for her unsuccessful hunt. Wanna know the details how she killed the poor innocent guy?” Oikawa asked as he finally tilted his head towards Iwaizumi. 

He gestured for him to continue. “She took his eye out.” He said plainly, making a popping sound as he acted like he pulled his own eye out of its sockets. 

At that moment, they felt both their worries fade.

As if the world doesn’t want that to happen, Iwaizumi noticed how the light that was giving life to Oikawa’s eyes slowly dimmed. 

“Oi, are you okay?” He asked worriedly as Oikawa blinked many times. 

“I can’t see, Iwa-chan.” He croaked out, surprisingly calm. He chuckled before he said, “Diana must’ve heard me.” He joked, and then Hajime couldn’t help but feel the multiple emotions rushing to him all at the same time and feel the tears sting his eyes. 

“Don’t worry, Iwa-chan, it’s gonna go back to normal soon.” He said, trying to reassure the other, but Iwaizumi can’t seem to calm down to the same level as Oikawa right now. 

All Iwaizumi could think of right now was that he was slowly losing him. He doesn’t want to cry, but he was. Tears broke out of his eyes, he was just glad that Oikawa wouldn’t see him cry. 

“Don’t worry, I’m going to be okay.” He said, but his voice broke, making Iwaizumi’s tears roll out again. 

“Iwa-chan, I have a favor to ask.” Oikawa brought up all of a sudden. Iwaizumi lifts his head, sniffling silently and watched Oikawa.

”Can you call me by my first name from now on?” He asked, Iwaizumi’s mouth opens, then closes. 

He remembers the last time he visited when Oikawa was asleep and he called out to him using his first name, it made him blush and then he wondered if Oikawa heard that. 

“I haven’t heard you call out my first name before.” Tooru said with a small smile displayed on his lips. “But I had a dream, you called me by my first name.” He added, then turned his head towards where Iwaizumi’s direction.

“It was a great dream.” He commented, then he reached out to him, touching his cheeks that Iwaizumi’s tears dampened. Oikawa’s slender fingers felt cold on Iwaizumi’s cheeks, but it was also soft that he didn’t know he needed Oikawa’s touch until now that he was feeling it.

Only then did Iwaizumi notice that Oikawa’s eyes weren’t empty anymore. “It’s really weird to see you crying for me, Iwa-chan.” He said with a playful laugh. 

“But it hurts me seeing you cry like this.” He muttered with his melancholic voice, he wiped the tears off of Hajime’s cheeks. Iwaizumi didn’t even deny it and just savored the moment. “I can’t tell you to not cry for me, so instead, I’m going to say that I’m glad you are.” He continued.

“Tooru,” Was all that Iwaizumi could say as he raised his hands that he gently put on top of the shaky hand on his cheeks. 

“This isn’t just in my head, right?” Oikawa asked to make sure, Iwaizumi sighed and nodded lightly with a soft smile starting to form on his mouth. 

“I’m glad, then.” Oikawa beamed. 

After his last visit, Iwaizumi managed to fix his schedule to make time to visit Oikawa everyday. They would talk about the team sometimes, but most of the time, Oikawa’s having difficulties talking and so silence would flood the white room, there’s a lot that Iwaizumi wants to say, but he can’t put it into words, he knows Oikawa would’ve wanted to hear them, but he can’t find the right words to make it sound right. 

Just right after his visit to the hospital, he would go to the Oikawa’s home and try tending to Tooru’s small garden of flowers Iwaizumi hasn’t identified yet. 

It was a week before the Spring High Preliminary and he got a little too into practice he forgot he was going to see Oikawa that afternoon, and so he ran to the nearest flower shop before making his way to the hospital. He almost missed the train, but luck had his back this time and he caught up just in time. 

Sitting quietly, he stares at the flowers in his hand. He asked himself what was Oikawa’s favorite flowers. 

It must be those flowers he planted in his backyard, he thought. 

He was trying to organize the stories he had for Oikawa today. For once, he was excited for him to hear stories from him, but that afternoon, he didn’t know that he wouldn’t be able to tell him anything. 

When he got to Oikawa’s room, he found him staring into space, he thought maybe he was having one of those episodes of temporary blindness again and so he proceeded to approach him, careful not to startle him. 

”Hey.” He greeted after he had sat down, Oikawa turned to him, he had the same empty look in his eyes when he’s temporarily blind, but Iwaizumi felt something else was wrong.

“I don’t mean to be rude, I’m sure I know you, but who are you?” Oikawa asked in monotone, his face was free of any emotion. Iwaizumi’s mind turned blank hearing that. 

He knows Tooru would never do the same prank twice, but he slowly recited the words please be a joke, please be a prank as if repeating these words would make the gods hear his plea. 

“It’s Hajime.” His name slowly came out his mouth, then he watched Oikawa as he looks up wonder who he was. He waited patiently for Oikawa to burst into laughter and yell at his face that he was fooled, but it never came. 

“How do we know each other?” Oikawa questioned with his head slightly tilted to the side, Iwaizumi swallowed the lump slowly inflating in his throat. 

“We’re...” He took long enough to answer that Tooru guessed for him. “Friends?” Iwaizumi couldn’t respond anything else than a slight nod of his head. 

“That’s great then, I thought I didn’t have friends other than Iwa-chan.” He chuckled lightly, then he turned to what Iwaizumi had in hand. 

“Oh, is that pansy?” He asked, pointing to the tricolor blossoms he was holding. He turned to it and then he extended his hands to offer it to Oikawa and he smiled. “They’re for me?” He asked joyously. 

“Yes.” Iwaizumi replied shortly. He was still baffled from what was occurring right in front of him. 

“Do you want to hear a story about pansies?” Oikawa asked as he carefully twisted the stem on his thumb and forefinger. Iwaizumi nodded, he couldn’t process the entirety of what was happening right now, all he knows is Oikawa doesn’t remember him. Or at least that he is his Iwa-chan. 

“The legend of the pansy says that it was originally white but turned bright purple where it had been pierced by Cupid’s arrow. It’s magical isn’t it?” He asked as he gives him a carefree smile. 

“It’s beautiful.” He could only answer, he watched as Oikawa shuffles on his bed to get the glass of water ready for him and put the flower in it, making it into a temporary vase for the present he just gave him. 

“Tooru.” Iwaizumi called out, catching Oikawa’s attention immediately. “Yes?” He asked with a smile, ready to answer whatever Iwaizumi was about to ask. 

“Nothing.” He changed his mind and then he stood up, hands on his pockets. He didn’t know what to do, what to think right now, he was troubled and he didn’t want to leave, but as Oikawa sat there without any idea of who he was, he only wanted to give him some space, but before he could leave, Oikawa called out to him. 

“Hajime...-kun.” He halted to a stop just right in front of the door, then he slowly moved his body to turn around to wait for what the other boy has to say. It was strange hearing his first name from the mouth that always called him Iwa-chan. 

“Can you stay for a while and accompany me outside?” He asked a favor, Iwaizumi didn’t hold himself back from agreeing almost instantly. 

“Sure.” He replied before he went and approached the bed where Oikawa was removing his blanket and helped him stand up, supporting him by holding onto his waist. 

When they successfully got to the hospital garden, they sat down on one of the wooden benches. 

“I haven’t been out here ever since the last time Iwa-chan brought me here.” Oikawa said as he breathed in the outside air he must’ve been wanting to take in for days. 

He then turned to the silent Iwaizumi who was watching him carefully. “Oh, look at those flowers, Hajime-kun!” Oikawa pointed to the nearby flower patch where asters bloomed. Iwaizumi cannot remember if that was there before.

“I didn’t know they grew asters here, they’re my favorite.” Oikawa said with an enchanted smile. Iwaizumi turned to the flowers that Tooru was pointing to. He studied the pattern of the flower, thinking that he finally knew the name of the flowers Oikawa was growing at home, but it was different but he wasn’t entirely disappointed from the new knowledge. 

“Do you want to hear about asters, Hajime-kun?” Oikawa asked as he adoringly stared at the flower, then lifting his gaze to Iwaizumi to wait for his response. 

“Sure.” He said, he sat there, patiently waiting for Oikawa to start storytelling. 

“The goddess Astraea, whom Zeus had placed amongst the stars as the constellation Virgo, began to cry when she looked down the dark and starless earth. It is said that asters bloomed where her tears fell.” He spoke of the story in a gentle and calming voice, matching the soothing view of the setting autumn sun behind him. It felt like a dream to Iwaizumi. 

“I wish my tears would turn into flowers too. Maybe then, I would’ve grown a big garden full of Tooru flowers.” Oikawa said with a chuckle as he lets go of the asters and then stood up, almost falling from his loss of balance. Iwaizumi was quick to his feet and guided Oikawa back to the bench. 

“I wonder if Iwa-chan is doing well.” Oikawa murmured, Iwaizumi just gave him a small but soft smile, he had always loved how Oikawa was too caring for others he’d sometimes lose track of his own wellbeing. 

“I’m not doubting he wouldn’t take care of himself, but I hope he doesn’t go overboard with volleyball practice.” He proceeded, smiling to himself. Iwaizumi couldn’t say anything, he just sat there in silence as Oikawa worries over him. 

“I wanna play again.” Oikawa muttered to himself, lowering his head as he puts his hands together. “I miss playing with Iwa-chan. I miss playing with the team.” 

“But I can’t.” He ended, then he slowly turned his head to look at Iwaizumi and he was expecting tears in Oikawa’s eyes, but he was smiling like he’s already accepted his fate. 

Iwaizumi felt a pang slowly creep into his chest the moment he saw the smile Oikawa had. 

It was a smile of acceptance and he doesn’t know if he would be glad to see it or if he wanted to wipe that smile off of his face. 

“The sun has already set. Let’s go back.” Oikawa disrupted Iwaizumi’s thoughts, he just nodded as response to what Oikawa had told him. He helped him stand up and a nurse greeted them when they got inside, behind the female nurse was Oikawa’s mom together with a small boy Iwaizumi has seen multiple times before. 

“Good afternoon Mrs. Oikawa, Takeru.” Iwaizumi greeted with a bow, Mrs. Oikawa gave her a soft smile and Takeru rushes to Tooru who was being helped by the female nurse into the wheelchair. 

”Tooru!” The little boy greeted as he approached Oikawa. It was obvious Oikawa doesn’t remember because of how he blinked too many times, but he was trying hard to remember who it was in front of him. 

”I’m glad he remembers you, Hajime-kun.” Oikawa’s mother smiled as they walked side by side behind Oikawa and Takeru who was pushing the wheelchair. 

“I think he does, but at the same time, he doesn’t, Mrs. Oikawa.” Iwaizumi explained and the mother's brows knitted together in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” She tried to clarify, Iwaizumi just looks at Oikawa and Takeru as he answered. 

“He doesn’t know I’m Iwa-chan.” He explained vaguely, but he doesn’t have the exact words to be able to tell her what was going on because even he doesn’t know why Tooru remembers him, but at the same time, doesn’t.

”They said his condition is getting worse, I’m sorry if he’s becoming a nuisance when he doesn’t remember, Hajime-kun.” The mother apologized with teary eyes. Iwaizumi waved a hand dismissively but politely. 

“It’s okay, Mrs. Oikawa. You don’t need to apologize, I understand.” He said, making Oikawa’s mother smile at him gratefully. 

“Thank you, really, Hajime-kun. I can see why Tooru entrusted his dreams to you. Please continue to look out for my Tooru.” She thanked, giving him a hug in which he returned. 

He heard her sniffle and when she parted from him, he saw tears started to fall from her eyes. “I’m sorry, I just can’t seem to accept my precious baby couldn’t make his dreams come true anymore. I knew he wanted to do so much, achieve so much. But suddenly, it's cut short for him.” She said, apologizing for crying, Iwaizumi doesn’t have the words to comfort her either and so they just continued to walk in silence, feeling both’s sadness. 

After he’s escorted them back to his room, Iwaizumi turned to leave, he bids goodbye to Takeru, patting his head and turned to Mrs. Oikawa who gave him a smile. Finally, he turned to Tooru.

”I’ll come visit again soon, Tooru.” He said, putting a hand on his shoulders, Oikawa gives him a smile and then lifts his hand for a small wave. 

“Thank you for hanging out with me today, Hajime-kun.” He thanked and then he just smiled for the last time before he turned towards the door and walked out. 

Hajime-kun just doesn’t sound right, he thought to himself as he walked out of the hospital, farther from Oikawa.

Before he reaches his home, he stops over at Tooru’s garden and was about to water them, but he noticed the soil was still wet and figured that someone watered them already. 

Iwaizumi stared at the buds almost in bloom when his eyes started to blur when tears had started to fill them up. 

His worst fears has finally come true, Oikawa’s memories started to fade, he was slowly forgetting him and that thought, Iwaizumi couldn’t seem to comprehend. It was a hard to swallow pill for him, just seeing Oikawa slowly fade it just as painful as it gets. But he also didn't want to leave him alone to save his heart from falling apart. He'd suffer like this than feel a great amount of regret afterwards. 

Iwaizumi stood up and gave one last wondering glance over to the buds that might start blooming soon and couldn’t help but wonder what it was. 

Eventually, Oikawa’s memories start to come back, he would drift from calling Iwaizumi Iwa-chan to Hajime-kun for the past few days that he has visited the hospital and Oikawa doesn’t remember the times when his memories are gapping. 

It was three days before the spring high preliminaries and he was on his way to the hospital after an exhausting day at school. He was too tired he almost missed his stop because he fell asleep. 

When he got to Oikawa’s room, a bright-faced Oikawa greeted him with a wave. “Yahoo!” He greeted, just by that, Iwaizumi knew it was the Tooru that remembers. “What flower did you bring me today, Iwa-chan?” he asked as Iwaizumi took the seat beside his bed.

Hajime handed over the roses he picked up and Oikawa’s eyes shot up with excitement to tell him a story about it. 

“Okay, so Cupid was hurrying to the council of the gods, carrying a vase of nectar for them to drink. When he stumbled and spilled the nectar, it fell to the earth and sprang up in the form of roses.” He told with a soft smile on his thinning face. 

“How do you manage to remember all these?” Iwaizumi asked him, he just laughed and then shrugged. “I guess that’s how much I love flowers.” Oikawa answered cheerfully. "I think I remember the things that are too important for me even with this thing in my brain." He added with a chuckle. 

Iwaizumi lets out a yawn and Oikawa pats the space beside him, “You tired?” He asked, Iwaizumi shook his head but Oikawa stretches a hand to pull him closer even though he was too weak to do so. 

“Don’t worry about me, you can rest for a while.” He said when Iwaizumi sent him a hesitant look. He patted the space beside him again, but Iwaizumi just pulled his chair closer and leaned his upper body towards the space Oikawa was providing for him. 

He crossed his arms and put his forehead and closed his eyes. He feels Oikawa’s fingers run through his hair, making it easier to fall asleep. 

He was half asleep when Oikawa spoke up, “Thank you for making my—no, our dreams come true, Iwa-chan.” He murmurs, And Iwaizumi knows Oikawa was smiling. 

”I’m sorry too.” Oikawa added, making that the last think Iwaizumi hears before he dives into a dreamless sleep. 

Iwaizumi woke up with Oikawa staring out the window, He already felt that there was something different from him and guessed that he was having one of those episodes where he doesn’t remember anything, but when Oikawa turned to him, he smiled. 

“Good morning.” he greeted, Iwaizumi was waiting for him to ask or say anything that might indicate he was having memory gaps, but he doesn’t speak again and looks back to the window. 

“Remember when I asked you what I love more than volleyball, Iwa-chan?” He asked, making Iwaizumi reminisce that time he was asked that question. 

“Yes, you didn’t answer me when I guessed.” He replied as he rubbed his eyes together, trying to figure out what Oikawa was trying to say. 

“Flowers.” Oikawa answered for him, that was the answer he gave Oikawa before but he didn’t elaborate and now, Iwaizumi was hoping he would. 

“Why?” Oikawa asked the question for him, Iwaizumi stayed tuned for his answer. 

Oikawa laughs softly. “You really don’t remember, do you?” He asked, making Iwaizumi’s eyebrows meet. 

“At this point, I’m not sure if I’m the one with a memory defect.” He joked and making the other boy’s forehead crease. 

“AH! I’m joking, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa retrieved when he saw the mad look on Iwaizumi’s face, they fell silent for a few minutes, and then Oikawa just said, “Can you bring me one of those flowers I'm growing at home?” 

“They haven’t bloomed yet.” Iwaizumi responded. “Just bring me one.” He insisted. Hajime let out a defeated sigh and nodded. 

“Alright.” 

“You better get going, it’s going to be a rough day tomorrow,” Oikawa said, Iwaizumi turned to his watch and only noticed it was already midnight. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” he stood and raised a hand for a light wave. 

“See you tomorrow, Iwa-chan!” He bid goodbye with the biggest smile. 

Iwaizumi felt his footsteps get heavier as he takes one step away from the hospital. 

Make sure I’ll see you tomorrow. He muttered to himself. 

Chapter Text

As promised Iwaizumi picked a flower from Tooru’s garden. The bud was a bit opened, but it was far from blossoming. 

As the team gathered for Iwaizumi’s reminders, the strange feeling of speaking as captain creeps up to his chest again, he was still thinking how it should be Oikawa who should be doing this. 

It was their official game without Oikawa and he still can’t get it over his head. One of the first years had said, “I wish Oikawa-san would watch us.” 

If he could, he would. Iwaizumi thought as they finish the clean up. 

After he’s arrived at Oikawa’s hospital room, he found it empty. 

Panic rose up to his throat, he felt his breath hitch and then he ran over to the nearest nurse with his eyes wide and shaking hands. “Where’s Oikawa?” he asked, the slightly frightened nurse stuttered answering his question. 

“Oikawa-san was moved to the ICU this morning.” Oikawa felt like his body would collapse with his thoughts racing one another. 

“Um, sir, are you alright?” The nurse asked, worriedly. He just nodded and then the nurse left him alone. 

He picked himself up and sat on the nearest bench. It was as if oxygen was taken from him and he couldn’t breathe. He was frozen, his mind was going places. 

He stood up and walked aimlessly, he was trying to calm himself down when he heard his name being called out. 

“Hajime-kun.” He turned to see Oikawa’s mother. Tears rimmed her eyes and a forced smile made its way to her lips, Iwaizumi rushed over. “What’s happening, Mrs. Oikawa?” he couldn’t help but let the worry slip out from the tone of his voice. 

“He’s unconscious.” She said vaguely, Iwaizumi thought she didn’t know how to explain Oikawa’s condition and so he nodded in understanding. He knows he cannot go in and visit Oikawa, but he still stayed. 

He was woken up as he slept on the waiting area, it was Tooru’s mother and she smiled, gesturing for him to follow her. 

He knew what was going on right away, he rushed to Mrs. Oikawa’s side and she managed to slip him inside Oikawa’s room.

After she reminded him he only had 5 minutes to see him, she left and closed the door behind her. 

As Iwaizumi kneeled next to Oikawa’s bed, Iwaizumi took Oikawa’s hands on his. Like the last time, it felt cold in his grasp. 

He couldn’t help the tears that rushed out his eyes and he let out a soft sob, “Tooru.” He called out. He knew Oikawa wouldn’t respond, but he still hoped for even just a little movement.

”Tooru, please, please, please, stay alive for me.” He pleaded even though the chances of Oikawa hearing that is small. He held his hand and watched him as he breathed, he looked so peaceful that it hurt Iwaizumi. 

“I promise you—I promise you I’ll win. I’ll win for us.” He muttered while he puts his lips on the back of Oikawa’s hands. 

“Don’t leave just yet, Tooru, okay.” He said, his voice shook and he continued to cry. 

“I want to hear you say my name again.” His voice broke into a plead. He couldn’t speak anymore with the lump building up on his throat. 

“I still have something to tell you.” 

“Please.” 

“Please stay alive for me.” 

The door opened and Oikawa’s mother smiles at him and he wiped the tears in his eyes before he gave one last look over at Oikawa. 

“See you tomorrow.” He said before he left. He thanked Mrs. Oikawa for letting him see Tooru. It was late and even if he wanted to stay, he needed to be there for the team. For Tooru. 

He doesn’t want to leave, but he makes his way outside while he stared at the bud of the still unknown flower. 

That night, he didn’t hear the story behind the unnamed flower. 

As Iwaizumi steps out the bus and into the ground of Sendai City Gymnasium, he recalls what happened the night before and he didn’t want to be so far from where Oikawa was, but he needed to be here, he has to be here. 

The practice that exhausted them for days worked out well as they got through the first and second round. 

After getting back from the city, he came and visited Oikawa at the hospital. Oikawa was still unconscious and even if he was tired, Iwaizumi didn’t feel the need to rest. He stayed until it was midnight. 

Like he usually does, he waters Oikawa’s flowers before he goes home. 

The next day of the prelims, their opponents were Karasuno. 

It was a long and exhausting play, Iwaizumi was almost about to give up, but Oikawa’s words resounded in his head. 

Promise me, you’ll win, Iwa-chan.

The whole game had been a blur to Iwaizumi as soon as he remembered that promise Oikawa probably won’t. As he was about to serve, Issei stopped him. 

“It’s done, Iwaizumi. We won.” The words sounded empty to him at first, and then he froze. He felt his breathing stop, his eyes watered. 

Cheers erupted from the team, from the cheering team on the bleachers. On the other side of the court, he saw the defeated looks on the members of the team, especially his former junior, Kageyama and their feisty little spiker. 

It was only Shiratorizawa now. 

That afternoon, even tired, he came to visit Tooru again. 

He was conscious, but he was immobile, he couldn’t even talk.  He was still in the ICU and so he still couldn’t visit him or talk to him. He waited until midnight again before he went home. This time, he doesn’t remember Oikawa’s flowers.

It was the last game. The game that would determine if they would go to Nationals. 

One last obstacle before achieving their dream. One final step towards a new beginning. 

“I won, Tooru. We won.” He announced with tears in his eyes. 

“Thank you, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi looked up to see Oikawa smiling at him. More tears escaped from his eyes and now he was sobbing. 

“I won for us.” He added smiling, Oikawa returned his smile, the setting sun behind him reminded him of the same afternoon they made that promise of dreams and achievement. 

He felt Oikawa’s hands caress his cheeks, it was warm and comforting, the warmth, he could remember for the rest of his lifetime. 

“Thank you for making our dreams come true, Iwa-chan.” 

Iwaizumi woke up with tears in his eyes. He calmed himself down as he sat up from his bed. 

“It’s just a dream.” He whispered to himself. “He’s gone, Hajime, it’s been a week.” He reminded. 

He picked up the envelope he’s been clutching close for the past few days, he can’t bring himself to read it. 

After they’ve come home from the last match, he found Oikawa conscious and looking better than he’s ever been since he’s been admitted in the hospital. 

The dream Iwaizumi just had was his last conversation with Oikawa before he went. 

It’s been a week since Oikawa had succumbed to his illness and Iwaizumi hadn’t come out of his room after his funeral.

After Iwaizumi had come home from the funeral that day, the flowers Tooru were growing had bloomed. A miracle, perhaps. 

A different miracle he was hoping for. 

He stared at the slightly chunky envelope in his hand. 

In his head, if he read it, it’s like the official goodbye, and he doesn’t want to say goodbye just yet. He wasn’t ready to face reality without Oikawa. 

“But Oikawa didn’t write this just to be left unread.” He told himself. He breathed deeply before he tore the envelope open. 

Inside, he found a single dried flower and a folded paper. Iwaizumi flipped open the folded paper gingerly. 

This is a daffodil. This is what I’m growing at home, if you don’t know that yet, hahaha. Want to know why I planted these? It’s because they remind me of you, Iwa-chan. Daffodils represents new beginnings. Awesome right? It’s just like your name, Hajime. 

I started to like flowers when you gave me one back in middle, don’t tell me you don’t remember? It’s really coincidental, actually. You gave me the same kind of flowers you picked from the school garden because because you wanted to congratulate me for getting the best setter award. I was just joking when I said where was my congratulatory flowers, but I was also glad you gave me one. That day, we also promised each other we’d achieve our dreams together. Do you remember now? Also, is it a petty reason to start liking flowers? Hahaha.

Anyways, I’m sorry I can’t fulfill my promise, I’m really sorry. I also want to apologize for letting you see me like this, suffering and sometimes, not remembering anything that we share. I actually thought of whether I want to leave you alone, leave you out of the pain that I am going through or share it with you. It's a hard decision because I always knew I wanted to spend a lot of time with you as much as I can, as long as I am still here with you, I want everything to do with you. But I figured that I can't be selfish and that I don't want to see you in pain either, but I still went on with my selfish desire to be with you until I exhaled my last breath. I'm sorry for being selfish. 

By the way, I’ve been wanting to tell you this, Iwa-chan:

I’m glad to have lived even just a short life, if you’re worrying that. I’m happy because I get to spend this short lifetime of mine with you, stop worrying about it being cut short, okay? Enjoy yours.

Also, if it’s not much to ask, can I see you in the next lifetime? 

“Of course.” 

The memory rushed back to him, that’s when he knew the sunset behind Tooru had always looked so familiar. He’s seen it plenty of times and the colors fill his chest with warmth from memories of him, the flowers he held, the unspoken feelings he kept. 

Chapter Text

After his best friend’s death, Iwaizumi was reminded daily of him with the flowers that surrounded him. It was neither bitter or painful, he was just reminded of the sweet and warm days he spent with Oikawa Tooru. 

He wasn’t trying to stop himself from moving on, but he wanted to keep a part of Tooru alive. 

It wasn’t long after high school that he decided to run a flower shop. 

It was a sunny and warm Sunday in spring and Iwaizumi and he had just got to his flower shop when he saw a kid about the age of a middle schooler standing in front of his shop. 

“What can I help you with, young sir?” He asked the little boy as he slipped the key on the door in a swift move. 

The boy immediately blushed with panic and turned to the other direction as if about to leave, ignoring Iwaizumi, making him let out a soft chuckle. 

“Don’t be shy now, is there anything you need to get here?” Iwaizumi tried again, the boy halted to a stop, he slowly turned around and said, “I want to get something for my friend.” The boy said with the tone of his voice going down with every word he says. 

“Come on in and I can help you choose.” Iwaizumi ushered as he pushed the door open. As the hesitant boy roamed the shop, he can’t help but smile because of the uncanny resemblance of the boy to Oikawa. Iwaizumi was watering the asters when the boy approached him carrying a small paper.

”Um, mister, do you have something like this? I’m not sure I know what it looks like.” The boy hands over the paper and then the words written struck him, taking him back to the day he first read Oikawa’s letter. 

Daffodils 

“I have them. It’s over here.” He said as he walked out of the shop where he had put the daffodils out for some sunshine. 

“That’s it!” The boy exclaimed with his eyes glowing with excitement. “I’ll take them, Florist-san.” The boy claimed. Iwaizumi smiles and then he picked up the pot of golden blooms of daffodils. 

“Do you wanna know a story about these flowers?” He asked as he hands it over to the boy. With a curious tilt of his head, the little boy nodded afterwards. 

“There was once a boy who had big dreams, but he got sick, he couldn’t make his dreams come true and so he weeped.” Iwaizumi tells the story with an unconsciously gentle smile playing on his lips as the image of the pretty sunset he’s always seen behind Tooru displays, like that one favorite scene in your favorite movie. “And when he died, the ground where his tears fell, daffodils grew.”

“Ah, sorry, it must’ve made no sense.” He apologized once he returned to the present, the boy looked up at him with a smile. 

“It’s a little sad, but I like it. Can I tell that story to Shi-chan?” The boy asked, the interest that radiates from the boy completely reminded him of Oikawa again. The same expression he hasn’t seen in years came haunting him in a way he just wants it to. 

”Of course.” He replied as the boy took the potted plant from the counter and handled is with utmost care.

”Thank you, Hajime-kun.” He blinked when he heard the words. He smiled to himself, shaking it off. I must’ve imagined it, he thought 

“You’re welcome.” he just says, and watched the boy walk out with a big smile displayed on his lips. 

That afternoon, as he closed up shop, he picks up one of the potted asters and picked a piece of daffodil to add. 

Making his way slowly, he reminisces of those years ago where he had Tooru by his side. A sad smile made its way to his lips, but warmth started to fill the hollow spot in his chest as the sun slowly painted the sky colors of indigo and orange. A gust of cold wind blew by. 

“Tooru, I brought your favorite flowers.” He muttered as he kneeled down to put the potted plant beside the gravestone. Then he placed the daffodil on top. “There’s this kid like you that came to the store earlier.” He told with a sad smile lingering. 

“I miss you everyday.” 

For a moment, he caught a glimpse of Tooru, but then he realized it was just a memory. 

A memory from 5 years ago when they made their first promise. And a memory not so long ago when they made their last. 

“I’ll see you in the next lifetime, I promise.”