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Mingyu pulls into a parking space. The place is not too crowded at this hour. He spots a couple on the other side of the parking lot, fighting in a language he doesn’t understand, the loud noises cutting through the silence like a knife. He heads into the convenience store to get his traveling essentials, just a couple of bottles of water, a six pack of energy drinks, and some snacks (his favorite gummy bears are a must ). He eyes the noodles, debating whether to eat some since he’s already here, but decides against it. He doesn’t want to waste too much time here, he’s got a long drive ahead of him. He goes to the checkout and pays for his groceries.
He’s on his way back when he hears someone run up to him from behind. It’s probably someone asking for money, he thinks. Mingyu always carries spare bills in his pocket for situations like these. Life is hard and the world is not necessarily the nicest place. He tries to help whenever he can.
He hears the stranger yell out a “Hey!” He stops and turns around. There’s a young man, around his age, standing in front of him. Not entirely what Mingyu was expecting.
“Hey,” Mingyu replies.
“I—” he starts, but deflates quickly.
He looks confused, and tired. Mingyu doesn’t know what to make of this.
The guy looks around, not fixing his eyes in one place for more than a second, his hair falling down gently on his eyes. Mingyu doesn’t really have time for this, he’s supposed to be on the road already. He places his grocery bag carefully on the ground and searches through his pockets, looking for spare money. He pulls out a few bills, hoping it’s enough.
“Here.” He reaches his arm forward, waiting for the guy to take the money from him. “It’s probably not much, but I hope it still helps.”
The guy looks at Mingyu, his eyes narrowing, then looks down at Mingyu’s outstretched arm, and takes a deep breath in. “Thank you, but keep the money,” he says, shaking his head. He takes another deep breath. “I— I was wondering if the truck was yours?” he asks eventually, pointing his chin up in the direction where Mingyu parked.
Mingyu retreats his arm, pocketing the money. He looks back behind his shoulder. There’s only one truck in the entire parking lot. “Yeah,” Mingyu replies, tilting his head quizzically.
“Could you give me a ride?”
The guy isn’t looking at Mingyu, his head ducked down. He looks confused, but so is Mingyu right now. He’s been in the business for a few years already, he’s heard multiple stories about hitchhikers from his friends, but it has never happened to him. “Sure.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Where are you headed?”
The guy looks up, his eyes opened wide now, as if he didn’t actually expect Mingyu to agree. “I’m— I was thinking—” the guy stumbles through his words.
The wind picks up, threatening to knock over Mingyu’s groceries so he takes the bag back into his hand. The man’s eyes never leave him.
“I don’t care,” he lets out so quickly that Mingyu barely catches it.
Mingyu looks at the man, puzzled. He’s young, around Mingyu’s age, but that’s still young, Mingyu thinks. And he’s alone, in a parking lot, just outside of Seoul. Mingyu looks him up and down quickly, trying not to scare him off. He’s dressed like a regular twenty something, but there are bags under his eyes and his hair looks messy, but that might be because of the wind, Mingyu’s not sure. He doesn’t really understand what any of it means, but decides not to question him. Besides, he really needs to get going.
“Get on then,” he proposes, shrugging his shoulders, and turns around to get to the truck. He hears the man’s steps follow him.
He gets in and places his groceries carefully behind his seat, so that they don’t go flying around if Mingyu needs to hit the brakes. He’s had enough accidents like this, he’s learned his lesson by now. The guy takes the passenger seat and puts his seatbelt on. Mingyu spots his backpack for the first time, it’s not that big and he clutches it to his chest like a treasure.
He starts the engine, makes sure that everything’s in place, and that his navigation is working properly, and backs out of the parking lot carefully.
The moon is high in the sky.
“Do you mind if I put on some music?” Mingyu asks.
They’ve been driving in silence for 30 minutes, Mingyu focusing his attention on the road entirely even though the highway is mostly empty at this hour. The consistent hum of the truck makes him sleepy though, and he needs music to help him keep his eyes open.
“Sure,” the guy responds.
Mingyu turns on the radio, the sound making the space feel more comfortable. He looks to his left. The stranger is sitting in the same position, his eyes fixed on the road.
“Is this okay?” Mingyu asks. His favorite radio station is playing, but he’s not an asshole, he wants the other to enjoy the ride, too. He’d be happy to change the music, as long as it keeps playing.
“Sure,” is the reply he gets.
Mingyu taps his fingers to the rhythm, too shy to sing along. He doesn’t know the protocol for having hitchhikers on the board, but he’s pretty sure the man wouldn’t enjoy his off key singing.
An hour passes before Mingyu realizes that he doesn’t even know the name of his companion. He’s distracted. He reaches behind his seat to get an energy drink and struggles to open it without letting go of the wheel or spilling the drink all over the place.
“Want some?” he asks after finally having pierced the opening of the can and taking a few gulps in.
He looks over at the stranger and the stranger looks back at him. His eyes seem tired. Mingyu figures the man could use some sleep, but judging from the way he’s still clutching his bag and barely moving, he wouldn't feel comfortable enough to take a nap. It’s not like Mingyu would steal from him, but he feels like saying it out loud would just make things more awkward.
“I also have some water here,” he nods his head in the direction of his groceries.
“Thanks,” the stranger replies, but stays in place.
There’s a pause.
“I’m Mingyu,” he hesitates.
“Okay.”
Mingyu huffs out a quiet laugh. “Aren’t you gonna tell me your name?” he dares asking.
“Minghao,” he replies simply.
“Nice to meet you, Minghao,” Mingyu says, and looks at the guy offering him a smile. “I’m headed to Mokpo,” he mentions. “Are you okay with that?”
“Sure.” is the reply Mingyu gets and just gives up trying to start a conversation.
The stranger yawns.
Mingyu doesn’t really mind, except for the fact that he’s been yawning for the past fifteen minutes, and it makes Mingyu want to yawn too, his brain catching up with the fact that it’s the middle of the night.
Mingyu looks over at him. Minghao is still sitting straight, but his head is ducked down. He yawns again, hiding his face behind his backpack.
“You should take a nap,” Mingyu suggests.
“I’ll pass,” the stranger replies, his tone neutral.
Mingyu sighs, but doesn’t push further. He looks at the navigation, 4 more hours to go. He’s got this, he thinks. He slept through the day before the drive, but it has been over a week since his last one and his sleeping schedule is all messed up. His body knows that it should be asleep and it’s betraying him right now.
The guy yawns again after a while and Mingyu joins him unaware. He catches himself, quickly putting a hand over his face, and they share an awkward glance.
“Look,” Mingyu starts, a bit frustrated at this point. He reaches over behind the seat to grab a spare blanket. He keeps it there for longer rides, he sometimes spends the night in the car, and the nights can get really cold.
“Here.” He places the blanket on the armrest between them. “Take a nap. You keep yawning and it’s making me yawn, too, and that makes me tired, and I can’t really be tired right now,” Mingyu explains before the stranger gets a chance to complain.
Minghao looks at Mingyu, then at the blanket, then back up at Mingyu. He looks like he’s battling with himself for a while. “Okay,” he says at last.
He takes the blanket and covers himself. The backpack secured in his arms.
Mingaho sleeps for half an hour before a passing ambulance wakes him up. He looks around the truck, his eyes confused, but not fully open yet. He grunts a little and sits up. Mingyu watches him carefully as he fights sleep. Mingyu really should be spending more time eyeing the road. “Sorry that you got woken up,” Mingyu says gently.
Minghao looks at Mingyu. His eyes widen a bit, his shoulders visibly tense, and he rushes to check if his backpack is in place. It’s still there, Mingyu has no interest in it. Minghao sighs lightly, relief visible on his face, and sinks into the chair more comfortably.
“Not your fault,” he says, his voice a bit hoarse.
Mingyu smiles. The guy keeps his face straight. “Did you sleep well?” Mingyu asks out of boredom.
“It was alright,” Minghao responds. “Warm,” he adds softly, patting the blanket. ”Actually, too warm,” he decides after a second, his brows furrowed, and gets rid of the blanket.
Mingyu laughs.
Minghao pushes his lips together, the corner of his mouth twitching, threatening to break into a smile. It makes Mingyu smile more. They fall into silence again, but it’s more comfortable this time.
“Can I have the water you offered earlier?” Minghao breaks the silence after a while.
“Sure, help yourself,” Mingyu encourages. “There are snacks if you’re hungry,” he adds.
“Just water is fine,” Minghao replies and takes the bottle. He places his backpack at his feet, and drinks the entire bottle in one go.
The guy is confusing, honestly. “So,” Mingyu tries. “Where are you going?”
“Uhh,” Minghao hesitates. “I’m— I’m not sure.”
Mingyu hums, nodding his head gently.
“I—” Minghao starts. “Anywhere is fine, really. I just need to get away for a bit.”
“Running away?” Mingyu asks, looking over at Minghao quizzically. Maybe he’s got the age off, maybe he’s a teenager running away from home and Mingyu is committing a crime. Fuck , he should’ve asked the guy’s age before he let him join him.
“Not really,” he responds. “This is more of,” he hesitates for a second, “an experiment.”
“An experiment?” Mingyu echos.
“Yeah,” the guy says and when Mingyu looks at him, he thinks he can see a blush coloring Minghao’s face, but he can’t be sure in the dim light.
“What does it mean?” he inquires.
“Well... I don’t really feel comfortable spilling my life to a stranger.”
“Sure, no pressure.” Mingyu reassures. “But if you need to talk, you know.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not like we’re gonna see each other again,” he adds.
“Thanks,” Minghao says simply.
It’s some time later, when the sky starts to break into yellows and reds behind them, and Mingyu is halfway through his bag of chips when Minghao speaks again.
“I wanted to see if getting away from the people, and my job, and the familiarity of Seoul would bring me some — I don’t know. Peace, I guess,” he explains. His shoulders sink a bit, as if suddenly there is more weight on him. “It’s stupid,” he adds after a while.
“It’s not stupid,” Mingyu is guick to reassure. He turns off the radio so that he’s not distracted.
“It is. I sound pretentious,” Minghao says, a ghost of a laugh in his voice.
But it’s not funny, Mingyu doesn’t think so. “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Seeking peace is not pretentious.”
“But is it possible?”
“I don’t know.” Mingyu doesn't. “But if you never look for it, you’ll never find it.” Mingyu doesn’t really know if what he’s saying is useful. He doesn’t really know how he personally feels about peace. And whether he has it. And what it means to him.
“I guess, I’ve just— I’ve been doing what I was supposed to do, all my life,” Minghao says. “You know, finished high school, enrolled into college, finished that too, got a job, got an apartment...” he rambles. “I’ve got it all,” he deadpans.
“Except for peace,” Mingyu states.
Minghao lets out a laugh, smiling as he turns to Mingyu. Mingyu looks at him and feels like he sees him for the first time. His face lit up by the smile, his eyes resembling the barely visible crescent moon on the sky.
“Yeah,” he says dreamily after a while. “I don’t know peace.” A pause. “I don’t think I ever stopped to wonder about it before. But— my friend suggested I go to therapy a few months ago. And I did. And suddenly there’s all of those questions, you know. And I guess— I’m a little bit lost.”
“It’s okay to be lost,” Mingyu says.
“But it’s confusing.”
“It is,” Mingyu agrees. He doesn’t know what to add to that. The sun is starting to rise, and Mingyu watches it in the rear mirror.
"I woke up one morning last week and I realized that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I just knew that it didn’t feel right . And I’ve been following the steps you’re supposed to follow, but never really stepping out of my comfort zone, you know? And I started to question that. We talked about my childhood in therapy, and— my family, god ,” he quavers. “The fucked up ways they treated me. How— how was I supposed to know it wasn’t right.” His voice breaks. He trembles, hiding his face in his hands.
Mingyu doesn’t really know what to do. “Hey,” he starts softly. “Don’t blame yourself for whatever happened. You were just a kid, you couldn’t possibly know.” He thinks for a moment, then adds, “They were supposed to know and they were supposed to take care of you. I’m sorry that they didn’t.” It’s all Mingyu has to offer but he hopes it’s enough.
“I know now that it wasn’t my fault. But I feel like there’s this— this shadow and it has me on a leash. Sometimes it stretches and I reach out, I dip my toes in the freedom and it feels so good . But it doesn’t last long, and then I’m being pulled back. I can’t breathe and I can’t move, and it keeps me in one place until it hurts. It hurts so much that I lose all the power to try to break free.” Minghao’s breathing heavily.
“Minghao, you’re okay right now, you’re safe here” Mingyu rushes out. He wants to help him, wants to take all of his burdens and dig them deep in the ground so that they don’t bother him anymore.
But he knows it’s not possible. And that the only thing he can do right now, is to be here.
He reaches behind his seat for a water bottle and offers it to Minghao. The man takes it, mumbling out a quiet ‘thank you’. His hands shake when he opens it. They sit in silence for a while. Mingyu notices Minghao’s breath settle, but he doesn’t speak again. Mingyu fixes his eyes on the road in front of them, and they just keep going.
They’re about to enter the city when Mingyu dares to speak again. Minghao is cuddled up in Mingyu’s blanket again, staring out the window, but he doesn’t look scared anymore. “We’re almost there,” he says quietly.
“Okay.” Minghao’s voice is thick with sadness.
The silence stretches between them, but Mingyu doesn’t want to leave it at that. Maybe it’s selfish of him, maybe he’s the pretentious one, but he feels like he needs their conversation to end in a more hopeful manner.
“I think—” Mingyu starts, but second guesses himself. He looks over at Minghao, eyes searching for any discomfort. He doesn’t notice any. “I think that maybe sometimes it’s not about the goal itself. It’s not about just getting to the other side. It’s about the journey, too.” He laughs at that because it’s tacky, and he can’t believe what he’s saying, but he’s had too much time to think between then and now. “And sometimes not knowing what’s on the other side of this struggle can be a blessing, too. It offers you endless possibilities, allows you to learn, and experience on your own.”
Minghao just sighs quietly, doesn’t say anything to that, but Mingyu knows he’s listening.
“And I think it’s important to forgive yourself,” Mingyu continues slowly, carefully letting the words out so they don’t cause any damage. Mingyu’s not sure he has control over that, though.
“What is peace to you?” Minghao suddenly asks.
Mingyu stares out of the window for what feels like forever.
“To me,” he begins, “it’s trusting myself.” They’re almost done with their journey.
“It’s also trusting the process,” Mingyu adds after a while.
Six hours have passed since he started his journey and he’s pulling into a parking lot again. There’s a man next to him, about his age, not entirely what Mingyu was expecting. His hair falls down gently on his eyes and it makes him blink a lot. He doesn’t have much with him, just a backpack that he treasures dearly.
“Thank you,” the man, Minghao, says.
Mingyu smiles at him. “I’m going back to Seoul tomorrow night, if you want to join me,” he informs Minghao. “Let me give you my number,” he says and reaches his hand out in Minghao’s direction. The young man hesitates for a second. He unzips his backpack, dips his hand in, and searches around. He takes out a phone and hands it to Mingyu, who puts his number in and then gives the mobile back to the owner.
“Thank you, Mingyu,” Minghao says again and reaches for the door handle, clutching his phone and backpack in one hand. “For everything.”
“You’re welcome,” Mingyu replies, grinning at the man.
Minghao smiles back and Mingyu feels like he sees him for the first time. His smile lights his face up like the sun above them.
He shuts the door after himself. Mingyu sits in his seat for a while longer. He fixes his eyes on the man in front of him, and watches as he just keeps going.