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He remembers the first time he smiled, truly smiled, after Yanli had died.
It was an early morning - the mist from the river draped over the practice grounds of Lotus Pier, magnifying the sounds of wooden practice swords clashing against each other. Jin Ling had almost been beaten by his sparring partner - a boy with at least six inches on his nephew.
Jiang Cheng had paired them up on purpose, not to be cruel, but because he knew Jin Ling needed to realize that an opponent’s size did not determine victory. The other boy's sword had been brought down again and again, his height adding weight to the swing.
Jin Ling’s arms were shaking as he desperately tried to block each strike. His nephew still thought he had to meet blade with blade, even if his opponent was so much stronger. The other boy was about to bring down another hit onto Jin Ling when his nephew tripped forward, his legs exhausted, forcing him into a quick roll underneath the strike and opening up his opponents back.
He could see Jin Ling's eyes widen in realization, followed by the muffled smack of wood meeting cloth. His nephew had slashed outwards, connecting with the other boy in the back and securing a point, his first point. Jin Ling's face broke into a wide grin, laced with disbelief, as his eyes searched for his uncle's.
Their gazes met and he saw Jin Ling's mouth widen in shock.
Jiang Cheng quickly glanced behind him, hand already on Sandu ready for a threat but saw nothing. Feeling a twinge of annoyance, he turned back to his nephew ready to scold him but his words caught in his mouth seeing the shock was replaced with the biggest smile he'd ever seen on Jin Ling's face, so wide it must've hurt.
"What's wrong with you, boy?" Jiang Cheng snapped, feeling like he was on the outside of one of Wei WuXian's jokes again.
"Nothing, Uncle!" Jin Ling gave him a quick bow, his smile lingering for the rest of the training session.
Jiang Cheng felt confused. Then annoyed at feeling confused. He didn't like not understanding something and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why Jin Ling was grinning.
At the end of the training, Jin Ling practically skipped up to him. His annoyance grew further.
Did he have something on his shirt? Was his hair a mess? Jiang Cheng surreptitiously checked with a swift move of his hand. The strands were as tight and severe as they ever were, not a hair out of place.
What, then?
"Are you ready to eat, Uncle?" Jin Ling beamed up at him.
"If you don't get that smirk off your face, I'll break your legs, you ingrate." Jiang Cheng growled without heat, turning on his heel towards the dining hall.
Jiang Cheng felt an instant surge of regret, as he often did when reprimanding his nephew. Why did he say that? Why did he always have to say something cruel? He expected Jin Ling's face to fall or spark his nephew's anger in return like it usually did, but Jin Ling just kept grinning at him.
"Only you would get mad at someone for smiling. No wonder everyone is too scared to talk to you." Jin Ling stuck out his tongue and laughed, ducking under his uncle's attempted smack of his head.
Jiang Cheng growled again with a glare, "Shut your damn mouth, you're supposed to at least pretend to respect me." But even as he said the words he felt his heart swell at the sight of his nephew so happy. His eyes crinkled like Jiejie's used to when she was caught up in Wei WuXian's antics.
After their lunch, Jiang Cheng felt the lingering curiosity again. Was it because he got a hit in? Jin Ling had gotten hits in before, maybe not on such large opponents, but it wasn't entirely new. He couldn't even call what had happened a victory, his nephew had mostly tripped, an accident that had resulted in a crucial lesson that needed to be learned, not taught.
"Why are you grinning like a fool?" He finally asked with an exasperated exhale. "It's unbecoming of a future sect leader."
"Because I'm happy." Jin Ling retorted immediately. "Is it unbecoming of a future sect leader to be happy, Uncle?
Jiang Cheng glared. "Fine then. Why are you so damn happy?"
"Because." Jin Ling waved his hand in a non-committal gesture. "Why can't I just be happy?"
Jiang Cheng let out a sigh, he clearly wasn't going to get an answer. Kids. Insufferable, all of them. He'd never admit to his own silent wash of relief knowing that at least for today - his sister's only child wasn't miserable under his care.
They walked together in silence to Jin Ling's next lesson. He was about to see his nephew off when he felt a small hand on his arm.
Jiang Cheng looked down in surprise to see his nephew gazing up at him, a hint of reckless determination there as a light flush colored his cheeks.
"It's because I saw you smile, Uncle. After I got the hit. In the match. You smiled and I... it made me really happy."
Jin Ling's hand fell away, the red on his face growing more and more obvious. He gave a short bow then went into the room for his lesson, a flurry of golden robes and long, brown hair.
Jiang Cheng stood in the hallway, his arm in the same position, stunned.
Had it really been so long?