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Honeymaren’s hands are warm against Elsa’s belly where they rest, clasped tightly. Her chest is pressed to her back. No matter how many times they have ridden the Nokk together, she still worries about falling. It’s an understandable worry. High speeds with nothing under hoof but the water that churns and drags and threatens to be as unpredictable as always. And it’s always a little thrill when she clings tighter to Elsa.
It’s a funny thing, to allow herself to be needed and wanted after so many years of building wall after wall. And yes, the credit goes to Anna for chipping away the ice and finding the girl underneath it all, but Honeymaren - well, it’s just nice. Different.
The Nokk slows as they approach the ports right outside of Arendelle. Honeymaren still has her face pressed between Elsa’s shoulder blades. A breathless laugh escapes her.
“You know I wouldn’t let you fall,” Elsa reminds her, voice gentle but wrapped in mirth.
“Maybe I just like being close to you,” Honeymaren shoots back.
Well, that’s not quite something she can argue with. She ducks her head, happy to not be facing her with the way her pale face has just heated up.
They make it back to land, both staring up at the castle.
“This is where you used to live?” Awe colors her question. She puts a hand to her brow to shield the sun and takes it all in.
Elsa watches her rather than looking over the castle. She knows it. It’s been imprinted in her mind since she was young. It’s home, full of love and laughter. It’s a prison, full of lonely days and bitter nights. Seeing it from Honeymaren’s expressions is an experience. It’s as if her wide eyes and small smile can push away all the ghosts that still linger in the corners.
“Seems okay,” she finally concludes after Elsa nods. Her shoulders lift in a delicate shrug.
A crooked smile weaves its way across her own mouth. “I guess after growing up in an enchanted forest, a bunch of stone isn’t much.”
“I wouldn’t say that. You have seen the earth giants, right?”
She laughs. “Okay, I see your point.”
Still, she looks back up at her home-not-home. Her pulse races. This is probably one of the most innocuous thing she has ever done, but yet it fills her with a bit of dread. She almost froze the whole kingdom, but this, this is what makes her feel suddenly unsteady?
Well, no. That also had not gone very well either. And it makes her feel bad, comparing bringing Honeymaren to Family Game Night to that incident.
Fingers brush against hers, softly threading until they are palm to palm. “We can go home.”
She wants to say but they are home. It’s not Honeymaren’s home. It doesn’t belong to her, doesn’t have the same people inside of its walls that she grew up with or the memories she has. And it’s not easy to explain her feelings still, so she doesn’t know what to say right now without it becoming a garbled mess on her tongue.
In fact, her lips part but what comes out is a miserable sigh.
Honeymaren cocks a singular eyebrow at her, but her face is open and kind and patient.
It’s a beautiful face.
“Anna would never forgive me if I missed out.”
Elsa lets go of her hand as they start to walk, and Honeymaren lets it slip away. A few steps and a frustrated huff later, Elsa takes her hand again. Honeymaren gives it a gentle squeeze.
She’s getting a headache. She’s giving herself the headache, too much worry and stress bunching up in her head until she thinks she might explode.
“Oh, oh! I see her, look!” A branch waves at them as they approach a back door, shaking with such enthusiasm that warms Elsa’s heart. “She’s holding hands with that girl. Aw.”
Is it too late to drop hands? Is it too late to, as Honeymaren said, go home?
“Just breathe. You’re the fifth spirit,” Honeymaren murmurs.
If only that mattered in this situation. A layer of fresh snow lays between their palms. Honeymaren grips her hand tighter despite it.
“Elsa!” Anna’s down the steps and racing to the pair. It doesn’t matter that she’s holding hands with Honeymaren. It matters that Elsa is here. She flings her arms around her, squeezing the very breath out of her that she was just told to take.
With her free arm, she wraps it around her younger sister’s shoulders, holding on just as tightly. It’s a very strange picture. They are a very strange family.
“Anna,” Elsa greets.
“Kristoff, right?” Honeymaren says. “With the reindeer. Ryder says hi and that you should visit.”
Said reindeer is following the Prince Consort, pushing his snout against Honeymaren’s shoulder, teeth worrying at her shirt as if looking for treats.
Why didn’t Elsa bring treats?
Why are they still holding hands?
Anna finally lets go, sliding back slowly. She looks happy, calm. Well, as calm as Anna could possibly be. Leadership suits her. She glances from Elsa to Honeymaren and back again.
“You should have said you were bringing a friend! We’ll have to prepare more snacks.”
“She’s not a friend,” Elsa finds herself saying.
Honeymaren sends her a smile.
Anna doesn’t even miss a beat. “Your girlfriend? Wife? Life partner?”
“Oooh, I want Elsa’s life partner to be my charades partner,” Olaf says. He takes hold of Honeymaren’s other hand and begins tugging her to the castle. “You look like a good player.”
Their hands separate, fingers sliding against one another until there’s nothing but space.
“What’s charades?” Honeymaren asks.
“Olaf, don’t steal Honeymaren away.” Kristoff follows after them.
“You could have said something,” Anna mutters, smacking her shoulder gently. “Do you think I care?”
“I don’t know, this is new for me.”
Her sister slips her arm through hers. “At least you’ve known her for longer than a day.”