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The first time it happens, he's only known a cave his entire life.
Bam wakes up next to a pond. He sits up groggily and rubs his eyes, then blinks twice as he takes in his surroundings.
Silver moonlight pierces the water, bathing it in an ethereal glow. Stars twinkle above his head, scattered throughout the canopy of sky. Everything is quiet except for the whispering of the gentle breeze which creates ripples across the pond and rustles the leaves on the trees. There’s a haunting, monochromatic beauty to it.
Bam doesn’t know how he is able to perceive all of this. After all, he can’t remember seeing anything but miles of stone and sand.
He pushes himself up to stand and decides to go explore. He grabs a fistful of lush grass and marvels at its softness. Demure white flowers in full bloom cover the earth as Bam traverses a narrow dirt path.
He bends down at the edge of the pond and dips his finger into the cool water, gasping at the unfamiliar sensation. He lifts his hand to inspect the clear water droplets clinging to his palm, sliding down his wrist and dripping from his arm. Bam decides to take a step further and wades into the water. It’s freezing cold. He shivers and clutches at his arms. Then, he rolls onto his back. He floats on the surface of the pond and lies there staring at the distant glow of the moon, lulled into a daze.
He feels a pair of eyes watching him and quickly snaps out of his trance. He stands up and snaps around to catch the person in the act, but all he sees is a wisp of silver disappearing behind a tree.
Bam wakes up with no recollection of his dream except for a flash of silver. He spends countless solitary days ruminating over it.
The second time it happens, he’s an irregular on the Floor of Tests.
When he awakes once more next to a pond of sterling and blades of grass, he can’t shake the feeling he’s been here before. Bam wanders around, deep in thought, when he notices a figure sitting with his back against a tree by the water. He approaches it with curiosity tingling in his fingertips. His breath catches in his throat when he identifies the mysterious silhouette.
“Khun?” he whispers.
Khun’s eyes are as wide as saucers as he gets up and turns to face him.
“Bam,” he acknowledges, his voice barely audible. “You’re my soulmate?”
Panic punctures a hole in Bam’s chest.
“Do you not want me to be…?” he mumbles, head downcast. Khun blinks, then shakes his head.
“No,” Khun replies with a small smile, “I’m glad it’s you.”
He takes Bam’s hands into his own and laces their fingers together. Bam feels a wave of happiness crash into his chest. His stomach is fluttering like the wings of the butterflies frolicking among the flowers. Finding his soulmate felt like a dream come true, like the wind, the flowers, and the stars in the sky had decided to love him the most.
When he sits beside Khun at breakfast the following morning, they lock eyes and the memories of his—no, their dream comes flooding back.
The third time it happens, he's no longer the 25th Bam.
He’s being shaken lightly by a familiar presence, a familiar warmth. Something that only exists in his dreams. He hears someone cry his name.
“Bam! Wake up!”
He knows this voice. Somehow, it hurts him to hear it choked up in distress. He wants to reach out to the person speaking and say, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine.
“It's me, Khun.”
The universe clicks into place. He is roused from his slumber. He remembers.
“Khun!” He exclaims. Viole takes a moment to soak in the striking hue of his eyes, the refined slope of his nose, the curve of his cupid’s bow lips; he’s missed him. Viole wraps his arms around Khun and pulls him into an embrace. It feels like coming home from a war.
Viole doesn't comment on the wetness seeping into the fabric of his shirt, nor the way Khun grasps at him desperately like he'll fade away at any moment, and most of all, he doesn't say anything about the way he chants “ You're alive” over and over again like a prayer. Anguish spikes in his chest, but he settles for burying his head in Khun’s neck and staying in the moment for as long as he can.
They sink into each other’s arms, safe and secure, both wishing for the day to never dawn.
When Hwaryun passes Viole in the hallway, she makes a nonchalant comment that instantaneously brings Viole back to the depths of despair.
“You should be more careful when talking in your sleep.”
The fourth time it happens, he’s lost and helpless.
“If they found out, they'd hurt you. I never want that to happen. Especially not because of me,” he pleads. He knows Khun is livid at him. He might even hate him. He might never forgive him. But he would rather Khun despise and detest him than for him to be harmed. He'll protect him, no matter what he has to sacrifice.
“Don't try to shoulder everything by yourself! I wish you'd be selfish for once!” Khun yells at him. The sound slices through the icy air.
“Once they set their eyes on a target, they always manage to finish the job. They’re dangerous, Khun!”
“I can take care of myself! Why can't you let me stand beside you?”
“I'm sorry. I have to do this. I'd never forgive myself otherwise.” His heart seizes in pain as he clenches his eyes shut and wills himself awake.
Viole will never forget the look on Khun’s face. He knows the shattered hope in that broken expression will stay with him for a lifetime.
On the nights after that, Viole forces himself to stay conscious. His eyes become bloodshot, and he's stressed and irritable all the time. His skin turns deathly pale and he can barely bring himself to train and fight, but he repeats to himself the mantra that he has to do this for Khun.
They won’t be able to go back to how they used to be.
The fifth time it happens, he awakes with Khun lying next to him.
“You were my dream. You are my dream,” Khun tells him. “Bam, it's always been you.”
“Before I came to the tower, I dreamt of you enjoying yourself in the water. I thought it was bizarre.” His lips quirk upward. “But in a good way. At the time, I had never seen someone so relaxed and carefree. It was intriguing.”
“Then I found out you were my soulmate. I’d never been one for fate and destiny, but I didn't mind that it was you.” Khun shifts in his spot.
“Finding that you were alive was like—you mean the world to me.” A wistful smile plays on his lips. “Which is why it hurt me so much when you left and cut off all contact with me.”
Bam opens his mouth to apologise, then closes it when he sees Khun raise his hand to stop him. Khun looks at him in the eyes.
“I want you to trust me, Bam. Can you do that?”
“It’s not that I doubt your abilities. You’re strong and intelligent. I know that. But I still worry about you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop worrying about you, but I promise I won’t decide everything by myself next time.”
“Good. Now, go back to sleep. It’s still early.”
“Okay. See you,” Bam jokes playfully. Khun hits him lightly on the arm, but he’s laughing. Bam closes his eyes and snuggles up to the warmth beside him.
Bam wants to keep dreaming of Khun at night, and he wants to wake up next to him in the morning. He thinks he could do this forever.