Chapter Text
Choking, desperated, tired, Skull has always been drowning no matter what he did.
He didn't seem like it thought, because outside he was cheerful, loud, arrogant, comforting, kind and childish, but in reality, he was simply drowning inside, and couldn't do anything else than that.
He didn't remember when he started to lose control of it, but the worst was that he didn't even know when it would come to an end.
All started from his birth, he was named Cherep by his lovely parents. Like any human he was a normal child and born in an average family.
They got along well together, his parents and him weren't on bad terms or anything, also, they had enough money to live and to make sure they had everything they needed.
He grew up healthy, had normal hobbies and dislikes like any child of his age.
But due to his lonesome personality he grew up being alone for most of the time.
Often, Cherep would be found reading instead of being outside, unless it was going out with his parents. He didn't have any friends to play before he started school, he was always home and playing on his own when his parents were busy.
Sometimes he would accidentally do something foolish and get scolded, but he was still loved by his parents.
They often told him he was a daydreamer while stroking his hair affectionately, because Cherep didn't pay much attention to his surrounding and was always in his thoughts.
So until then, he was swimming fine, even thought he had some difficulty swimming correctly, he could finally do it correctly.
But as he grew up older, he didn't seem very happy with his lifestyle, he couldn't complain because he thought of what his parents said over and over again, that there were some people in the world that didn't have food, a house or even clothes so, he had to be happy with what he had.
Of course Cherep understood that he was very lucky to have everything he needed, clothes to wear, delicious food to eat, warm house that protected them from the cold winter, rain and hot days.
But he didn't appear to be happy even with what he had. So, he woke up every morning lying and self degrading himself. Saying, that he had everything but still wanted more was selfish of his part, so he never really asked for more than he needed.
The reason why he felt like that was because something was missing but didn't know what. It was like swimming in cold water but without knowing where you were going.
He wasn't a spoiled child on the contrary he rarely asked anything to his parents and was pretty modest on the way he spend his money. So, every time his parents asked what he wanted for his birthday or Christmas, he said he didn't know or didn't want anything and that was the end of the talk.
However there was one time where his grandmother heard what he said, she then cut their conversation and said:
"You're just spoiled anyway! Oh just by looking at those new generations kids....." his grandmother scolded harshly at Cherep before continuing her talk.
That time he just was shocked internally, it was wasn't the first time his grandmother would be talking like that but this time her tone was rash toward him.
'Why would I be spoiled?' He thought with some anger but decided to stay silent as he let his grandmother say whatever she thought. But still he couldn't help but think about it, daydream and look into his memory to see if he was really spoiled.
"You know at your time I didn't have all this luxury, this generation knows nothing of what we elder endured!...." his grandmother started to ramble about her past life again.
'!!!.....How irritating....but annoyingly true..' Cherep thought as he lowered his head.
That was the first time he started to feel like his swimming was out of control but it was all right, he regained his normal posture and continued to swim.
Then there was the time when he started school, he was always shy and always talked under his breath, so he didn't really made a lot of friends, he mostly spends his free time alone watching the other kid run around happily while screaming and laughing.
It was the first time he envied something from the other.
Despite his social problem he was a serious student in the eyes of the teacher, but he never liked to study, Cherep still tried to do his best in school, so he got the average notes on test and sometimes getting very good grades but those times were quite rare. He was interested in studying, but it was just that school and studying didn't stick together well.
He also noticed on how other people understood immediately the lesson taught by the teacher in class, while on the other hand he had some difficulty but couldn't afford to ask questions because he was too shy and embarrassed. For the first time he felt inferior compared to his class.
Cherep didn't like presentations in front of all the class, he often started to stutter, playing with his shirt, his voice starting to falter, forgetting what he had to say, whispering instead of speaking loudly and clearly, and couldn't feel like breathing normally.
He was scared of other's people stares.
His swimming was starting to be a bit unbalanced but he could still swim, but only slowly.
One time he made a best friend, he was happy.
They talked but sometimes Cherep felt like a big drift between them, because she talked about things he didn't know, do or have.
Sometimes he felt that she was bored of his company but he was too happy to be able to have a friend, that he wasn't able to completely pay attention to it.
One day, this friendship got a bit difficult because a new girl was transferred to his class the next year at the primary school.
At first he didn't really care and was only curious about her, but then he learned that this girl was a friend from the same kindergarten his best friend went.
And this girl tried to steal his friend, bringing her into conversation where Cherep couldn't be part of, playing with her while Cherep was all alone.
For the first time, he felt lonely and sad.
But then it turned into verbal bullying, the girl started to insult him and even sometimes blaming him on something he haven't done.
His swimming started to disconnect he was starting to get a cramp on his foot but still could stay balanced if he tried hard enough.
When he started to get into the upper class, everything started to crumble.
He made new friend at the end of primary school after both of the girls transferred somewhere else, he became friend with his other friends, so he was happy once again, even if he started to struggle with his studies.
But when they started to be in middle school, he remember on how one of the girl he trusted, asked him to end their friendship because she wanted to befriend the 'popular' one, of course she didn't say it but that was what she really meant.
Cherep was speechless, but he just answered that it was ok acting as if he didn't care at all.
'So was all of it fake?' He asked himself as he walked down to his house.
His swimming became more and more unstable, the cramp was still there and it hurts.
He still had two friend, but it was painful the way that she left him.
"Is it because I don't act like the other? Am I the only weird one?" Cherep asked himself.
Since then, his grades weren't getting better, at first it was in the middle not bad but not extremely good either.
But he couldn't pay attention to class, even if he tried he couldn't.
He didn't know why, but just shrugged everything off thinking he would be able to do it later. He kept lying to himself that everything would be fine.
But each years it was getting worse, he barely passed and his parents were just getting angry and concerned. They encourage him to study as much as he disliked it, they scolded him when he got a bad grade which was a lot but not too harshly.
One day he remember his dad exploding in rage because he got a 8/20 in maths, he yelled at Cherep his angry voice was loud and his mother was just ignoring it.
Cherep couldn't look at his father, he wanted to escape. So he looked down and didn't say anything he felt like he was losing a piece of himself.
He couldn't swim anymore so he slowly started to sink.
He started to hate school, to hate everything, and began to think he wasn't smart and just plain stupid.
Started to think he wasn't good enough.
Even if he tried, it would be useless.
His parents would just be disappointed.
He thought he was different of everyone.
He was comparing himself to the class and felt ashamed that he couldn't answer simple questions that the teacher asked him.
He felt even more inferior and lost.
So his normal routine became like this, he fell asleep late because he was just on his phone trying to keep away his thoughts that were haunting him and slept late, he woke up tired in the morning not wanting to get up, just feeling rotten and even sick of everything.
Cherep went to school walking slowly not wanting to reach it, he entered school as if it was hell.
There was especially a teacher he disliked, it was the German teacher. He did the lessons well in his opinion but there was one thing.
He seemed to dislike Cherep, because every time he asked him about the lesson he couldn't because he didn't learn it.
Fragile like he was, he started to cry one time because he was yelling at him.
Cherep couldn't blame him on hating someone who didn't do his work, on the teacher's point of view it would be annoying.
Of course he knew that it was his fault, but he couldn't concentrate not matter what.
Now he was drowning no more balance, all was thrown away.
The relationship with his parents got worse, his father got sick of him being below his class and started to take away all his precious stuffs to only tell him it was for his good, while his mother only watched him do that.
When his father wasn't here it was his mother's turn to scold him, telling on how she was an ace student when she was younger that she never got a bad grade and was always the favorite of her teacher.
She continued to talk on how he should just work more and more, or else his father would only yell more which was annoying her.
Cherep just quietly listened to his mother's rambling while he nodded his head.
'So that was it...' he thought painfully as he tried to retain some of the tears, he felt some spikes starting to form inside his nose and a very heavy feeling in his heart, Cherep felt something that was inside his throat as if there was a ball clogging it.
He stood up slowly and went without saying anything upstairs in his room.
He locked his door laid down on his bed and broke down crying, Cherep made sure he was doing his breakdown silently.
When he was done he hugged the stuffed animal next to him, the one he got since his birth.
Cherep felt comforted every time he hugged it tightly.
The new year came and was celebrating it with his family.
His grandmother would be there, Cherep wasn't really fond of his family but he had to go anyway.
He just hoped everything would go well and without a problem.
He was wrong, his father started spill things about Cherep, as if Cherep was the bad one and making his life difficult, most of it was exaggerated and false. His mother just made fake smiles and didn't say anything much.
Then when his father stopped talking, his grandmother took the relay and directly looked at Cherep with a disapproving look.
"Cherep you should work harder! See on how your father work his strength to be able to pay your studies fee and that's how you repay him? My poor baby...."
'You're just worried about your son, you don't care about me.'
'I hate it' Cherep thought before standing up from his seat to leave.
'I don't understand, I know I'm not abused, I'm not tortured, but why am I feeling this way?' He thought as he silently started to tear up.
'I feel so out of place'
'Then let's run away'
'But where?'
'I don't know where do you want to go?'
'Just take me somewhere else, somewhere I don't belong'
'I can't really take you where you really want, because I'm only one of your imaginary thoughts'
'I know'
'You're tired I can see that'
'I'm just drowning'
'I think I saw a poster of a circus recruiting members, age, sex, past doesn't matter'
'Then that should be fine'
'Let's go then'
In the night of the new year, at 00:00 Cherep disappeared nobody knew where.
In another town, a certain person by the name of Skull started to rise because of his enthusiasm and bubbly personality he attracted people to watch his stunts.
This was the new life he decided to choose, he couldn't stay somewhere he felt like he was suffocating.
Skull didn't know if what he did was a selfish thing to do for a parent who raised him from his birth, but he was sure that if he returned to the life he lived before, he wouldn't be able to be happy.
All he could do was wish for health and happiness for both of them and move on.