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Spring...
Spring was the season when the flowers bloom their best.
Spring brings harmony to nature that puts winter to rest.
Spring means that there will be a sweet scent in the air.
Spring brings a long a lot of new beginnings.
But for Oh Sehun, it would also mean he has to face spring cleaning again. And boy did he hate cleaning.
Sehun was actually a very tidy and organized person, albeit how much he says he hates cleaning, but everything changed three years ago.
Now, every time he does spring cleaning, it brings back memories that he wishes he can just forget and move on with.
But life goes on and so, he did what he normally does this time of the year: he writes a list of the things he needs to do, the parts of the house that he needs to clean and tries his best to finish within a day. After all, this house that he stays in wasn’t even that big to begin with.
This spring season, he has finally decided that he is going to let go of everything and maybe get some new beginning.
♪ I remember the days we spent together
were not enough ♪
☐ Kitchen
Sehun starts with the kitchen, the marble tiles on the floor looking so dirty and used he decides to grab a mop to clean the floor. In no time, it is sparkling, like dust has never once touched it. Then, he goes to the counter, right by the stove and he was starting to wipe it clean until he suddenly heard a voice.
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“Se, stop touching me there!”
“Where is there? What do you ever mean? I’m not touching anywhere!”, Sehun replies, doing his best to look as innocent as he can as he threw his hands up in the air.
The other person huffs in return making Sehun smile at this. Not to be that person but making his lover mad is something that Sehun likes doing.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop, baby.”
“You better, before I burn everything I am cooking.”
“What are you cooking anyways? Is that rice or---”
“It’s obviously cake, what do you mean?”
Sehun scratches the back of his head, amazed at the weird creations of the love of his life and then he smiles awkwardly.
“Will you try it, Se?”
“Uhm, Jun, you see, uh---” Sehun replies, trying to find a good excuse not to taste it “---Vivi is calling for me, baby, I’ll be back”
“I don’t think I’ve heard Vivi, Se. Are you trying to get away from taste testing?”, Junmyeon says as he grab Sehun's wrist with one hand and a fork with the other to cut a small part of the cake he made.
“Jun----”
“Nope, you are not going to get out of this one, Se.”, Junmyeon replied and thrust the cake into Sehun’s mouth then releasing his iron grip on him.
After a few beats, Junmyeon smiled, waiting for Sehun to react to his new creation.
“How was it? Was it good enough? I am going to call this cake ‘Eat this cake and then die’, what do you think?”
“It’s----uhm--- it’s good Jun!”
Junmyeon tasted the cake for himself and then smiles at Sehun.
“Se, come closer.”
“Why?”
“Just come closer.”
Sehun follows Junmyeon and comes near the latter. Junmyeon stood on his tiptoes as he grabbed Sehun’s face and kissed him square on the lips for a few seconds.
“You liar. It was terrible!”, Junmyeon said as soon as he pulled away from the kiss then stuck his tongue out at Sehun.
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Before Sehun knew it, he had a smile playing on his face at the sudden flashback that he had. Junmyeon and his cake. Junmyeon albeit looking serious has always been the funnier one of the two of them and sometimes, Sehun still thinks about it.
However, the kitchen isn’t going to clean itself out so instead of staring out into space, he got on with cleaning every nook and crook of the kitchen before moving on to the next room.
♪And it used to feel like dreamin’
Except we always woke up♪
☑Kitchen
☐Living room
Sehun proceeds to the living room for his regular cleaning routine and when he looked at the arrays of CDs below television, he remembers how much Junmyeon loves collecting them, talking about them like they were his precious babies and how much he adored him whenever he did it.
He goes by the TV stand and dust everything slowly before moving on to the couch; it was time to change the cases of the pillows but before he was able to, suddenly, he was at a different time again.
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Junmyeon was sitting on the couch, huddled up with a blanket shivering because the movie he was watching was so scary. He does not understand why Sehun loves things like this, but he certainly did not.
That is how Sehun found Junmyeon, watching a movie by the couch as he waited for Sehun to arrive. Sehun tries his best not to make a sound so he can surprise Junmyeon out.
However, this backfired on him and earned him a smack by his stomach.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were already home!”
“It’s okay, it’s okay, it was my fault anyways, I shouldn’t have surprised you. Missed me?”
“Of course, I did, Dr. Se, my baby. Is it really you? This feels like a dream.”
“I missed you too!”, Sehun says, before embracing Junmyeon into a tight hug.
Before they knew it, they were already cuddling on the couch, the horror movie long forgotten because now, Junmyeon’s focus was all on Sehun and vice versa. There could have been an earthquake and the two of them would not notice it at all. They stare at each other in pure adoration before Sehun placed a kiss on the top of Junmyeon’s head.
“Thank you for waiting for me today, love.”, Sehun would whisper to Junmyeon and the latter would hug him a little tighter.
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Sehun had quickly changed everything, hoping that now that he’s changed them into something completely different, the memories here would just go away from his mind. He looks at the table near the window of the room and saw the photo of the two of them, taken three years ago. This was something that he could not put away or put into a box, because this was something that really meant a lot for him. Now his lover is probably sleeping, halfway across the world and it does not matter because he does not really remember Sehun anyways.
♪All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late♪
Sehun moved from the sofa to the coffee table, tried to clean the non-existent marks of coffee spills that the table had. He scrubs and wipes as tears are slowly falling down his face without his knowledge. There really are just some stains that no amount of cleaning can ever erase. And suddenly, he remembered all the times he and Junmyeon drank coffee here from when they got home really late from a date.
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“Jun?”, Sehun asks as he was sitting by the floor, sipping a cup of freshly made coffee.
“Yeah, what is it Se?”, Junmyeon would answer, his face propped between his arms, staring at his lover.
“This coffee tastes horrible.”, Sehun would reply and suddenly they would both burst out laughing out of nowhere.
“I really love how honest you have always been, Se.”
“It comes naturally, Jun.”
“Okay, but this wasn’t as horrible cup we had earlier, right? At that stop over?”
“Hmmm, I’d have to contemplate about that.”
“You----”, Junmyeon says in a threatening voice and then sneakily dives in, to tickle Sehun.
“Jun---hahaha-no---hahaha---stop----the---coffee----would---hahaha---spill---“, Sehun would say, in between laughs, droplets of coffee from the cup in his hand falling down on the table.
“It’s okay, it wasn’t good coffee anyways, right?”, Junmyeon says in a depressed voice, pretending he got hurt at this.
Sehun would put the cup down on the table, not caring about the spills, go to Junmyeon’s side and hug him.
“And still, I would pick your coffee most over everything else I have ever tasted because it was made by you, my love, the person who matters the most to me.”
And Junmyeon’s face would slowly light up and he would kiss Sehun’s cheek.
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There were drops on the table and Sehun only realized it a few moments later, when he was wiping the coffee table dry. Should he change this coffee table into something new? Because it just holds too many memories that he keeps on basking on. It had been years, so why was it like this? Why can’t he still let go of everything?
♪Never thought not having you
Here now would hurt so much♪
Sehun was going to replace everything in this living room, he will have it remodeled and completely bare out of the memories and everything else that his lover left him. He will revamp this so that there would be no trace of Junmyeon. Or so he tells himself.
But who was he lying to?
Junmyeon would always be a part of him and it hurts him physically, even after three years, knowing he walked out that day, without a word, with just a single note telling him that it was fun? Now, normally someone else would have just gotten completely mad but because it was Junmyeon, he didn’t. He knew there must have been something else, why Junmyeon left him without a word.
And when he saw a few months later, that Junmyeon started studying in a big university in Korea, photos courtesy of his best friend, he knew that his lover had a purpose. He wanted to become a better person and Sehun wanted to go back to Korea, drop everything else to just be with Junmyeon but then he realized that maybe this is the very reason why Junmyeon did not want to tell him about it.
He had more responsibility now, he had been promoted as the assistant director of the hospital he was in and that meant that he couldn’t just simply go away and neglect his duties. The people in the hospital needed him. However, all he really needed was Junmyeon, the person that is halfway across the world from him.
He couldn’t control his tears no matter how much he tries to stop it because now that Junmyeon is gone, who will cook him food? Even if they tasted bad, he still loves them because he knows how much effort Junmyeon puts in it.
Who will spin him tales whenever he could not sleep at night? Having a writer as your other half has that perk; you get free stories and you get ones where you are the main character.
Now that Junmyeon is no longer around, who will wipe his tears away and tell Sehun that he is loved?
Who will make him laugh with his puns and jokes?
He misses everything about Junmyeon, even though it has been three years since then, even though it has been three years without him. He misses Junmyeon so much that every spring, he would take a vacation from the hospital and just cry about how he had lost his entire universe the day that Junmyeon left him.
He misses him so badly, especially during days like this, because they met on that fateful time of the year, during one spring day.
♪I remember the time you told me
about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
that just couldn’t wait♪
☑Kitchen
☑Living room
☐Bedroom
Once Sehun had wiped his tears as he was cleaning the living room, he quietly moves to the bedroom, the one place in this house that holds thousands of memories that he can’t even wrap his mind around. He remembers all the times they just sat on their bed or laid on it while exchanging stories with each other. He remembers them all, this is his greatest curse, to remember all the things that probably has been long forgotten by Junmyeon. He slowly changed the bed covers and the pillowcases and fluffed the bed as another batch of memories flooded him.
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“Do you remember the first time you fell in love, Se?”
“Me? It has always been you for me, Jun. You are my first and my last.”, Sehun did not miss the look on Junmyeon’s face as he said this.
“Well, for me it was when I was just in grade school.”
“Tell me about it? I’m always up for a good story.”
“Well, I am the writer, after all, so I guess I will.”
“Thank you, love.”
“I was eight then, it was in the middle of winter when a transfer student came to our room. He was rowdy and tough, and as soon as our eyes met, I just fell in love. I know how cliché that sounds but I never believed in love at first sight until him. He had this small scar at the right side of his face, that’s all I can remember. I didn’t even catch his name because as soon as he was about to say it, he had to get out of the room, because apparently, the teachers got a mix-up and he was called out to move to another class. But the spark never left me, you know? But well, first loves are first loves, you just never end up with them, right?”
Sehun stayed silent after Junmyeon told this story, especially with the way he ended that.
“Right…”
“Oh, Se! I didn’t mean you and me. Of course, we’d stay together for a long time, silly.”, Junmyeon tells Sehun, afraid the damage had been done because he had been too tactless with his words.
“No, it’s okay.”, Sehun says but his tears betrayed him as they fell down his face.
When Junmyeon saw this, he hugged Sehun tightly, as if he is afraid that he will go away.
“I only have you in my heart now, Se, there is no one else, only you.”, Junmyeon says this as he pulled his lover’s face and kissed him on his right cheek, where a scar mark was on, before smiling at him.
And though there were some doubts in his heart, as soon as Sehun heard this, he felt everything was alright and he hugged Junmyeon back, tighter.
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Right, his first love, that was the person that Sehun was most jealous of, even if they have not gotten to know each other, Junmyeon and his first love, the way his lover fell for him at first sight, that person must have been beautiful. Sehun had spent countless of sleepless nights on this bed thinking about that. When Junmyeon was typing or writing away his new novel by his worktable, he had laid here pretending he was asleep. Moving on, as he was tucking the sheet on the bed, his feet came in contact with something under the bed. He crouched down and checked what it was. It turned out to be a box. How come he has never seen this before? Out of curiosity, he opened it and when he did, there were some envelopes in there, and slowly, he opened and unfolded the letters in them.
♪I remember the times we spent together
On those drives
We had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York
Everything felt right♪
The first letter was dated three years ago, exactly a few months before Junmyeon had left him. How did he not find this before? Why didn’t he know about them? Sehun would ask himself about this over and over again.
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To my dearest Se,
I wonder if you will ever forgive me for what I am planning on doing. Three months after this letter, I am going to leave you. No, not like that, but I am planning to go back to my hometown, back in Korea. There are some unfinished business that I have to see through.
I am still thinking about how to break it to you. You are a person of habit, Se. And I know that with me gone, your routine will break and you will have to adjust slowly, at your own pace. I hope you will be able to get over me, eventually.
I feel like a hypocrite writing this letter but I am just hoping one day, you will find this and you will realize the reason why I did the things that I have done.
Do you remember the first time we met?
You were on your way to New York and so was I, but my ride has not arrived and I was about to be late. And you, with your beautiful statuesque and your kind demeanor, offered me a ride in your car.
Who was I to say no when you looked so young and full of life?
I remember about all the things we talked on our drive from LA to New York.
About how you told me all about your dreams, how you would be the top surgeon in the hospital you have been assigned in and save more people.
You didn’t know it but the whole time you were talking about that, you had sparkles in your eyes and this look on your face that shows you are more than ready to take on the world and I just couldn’t help but feel so proud of you then.
I knew it then, that you would make these dreams of yours come true, because it is you.
Fast forward a few years later, and there you are; the best surgeon there was. And still the sparkles in your eyes never left, no matter how many death tables you have been through, I know because you have cried to me about them all; you were too kind for this world, Se. You have always been too good for this world, and for me.
I was just a small time novel writer to your top surgeon and it would be a lie if I didn’t say that sometimes, I got so insecure because I felt like I was trash compared to you. But I also remember how whenever I felt like that, you would wrap your hands around me and tell me how proud you are of me for doing something I love and instantly, all of the insecurities would just all go away.
That, is why I am writing this, Se.
I am going to keep on doing something I love, I am going to pursue more, and I am sad to say it but that means I have to be away from you.
I know that was not much explanation, but you will know everything in full in my last letter.
Your lover,
Junmyeon
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Sehun slowly opened then next letter, afraid of finding out the truth about his lover but at the same time knowing that he should know about it.
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Dearest Se,
I have my flight tonight and you are on your way home as I am writing this letter for you. I wish that you would be alright and that you will always be happy. Please do not hate me for doing this. It is my wish but you have all the rights to be. I have been nothing but bad for you, that is the truth and maybe with leaving you behind, you are going to be in for a better future.
You will not see me when you go home and I know you will try to find me but I will leave you a note on this table telling you that I am sorry and I need to go.
You know, I was planning to tell you one week ago about my plans to go home to Korea and explain to you that I got a writing scholarship there. At first, I didn’t want to tell you because I know that you will be more than willing to drop everything that you have worked hard for and come with me. I do not want that, I do not want you to put your life to a stop just so you can adjust it and be with me. I want to achieve something for myself so that I will think I can be worthy of you but I know it would be too selfish to ask you to wait for me to come back so I do not want to.
However, a few days ago, on my routine checkup they found something wrong with my body. Apparently, I only have three years left to live. I do not want you to put off anything for me, Se. And now, with this, I do not think I can be with you, even after I have studied and gotten better at writing what I want.
It is better that you get used to not having me by your side instead of me being taken away from you by this sickness that is inside of me; these malignant tumors that are lying inside my body, trying to kill me.
I wish that we could’ve spent more time together.
I am going to miss you so much, Se.
I will miss how you always teased me about my cooking but still gobble them up like they are the most delicious food you have ever tasted. Yes, I know, I saw how you always complain but you ate them all up even though they tasted horrible.
I will miss how you would kiss the top of my head when we were asleep, because you think I am sleeping. You were always sweet like that and I wish that I didn’t have to let you go like this. But believe me, Se, this is all for you.
I will miss your smile whenever I say something sweet that you were not expecting.
I will miss how you would laugh at my jokes that no one else gets but you; the puns that I make that everyone else would find annoying but never you.
I will miss everything about you, Se.
Sehun, I love you.
For the last time, I love you so much and I hope you will find happiness even with me no longer being in your life.
Always loving you,
Junmyeon
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Sehun knew, he knew that Junmyeon is back in Korea, of course he did, he found out everything eventually, albeit being late, but he never knew that he was sick, and he only had three years left to live. What was Junmyeon doing not telling him about it? Forget about spring cleaning, he is going to hunt that man down and have him tell him everything in person. He books the earliest flight to Korea available and drove right to the airport as fast as he can. He just hopes he makes it in time.
♪I wish you were here with me
Tonight♪
[FOR SALE]
The house that Oh Sehun has not gotten around to finish cleaning has now been marked with a for sale mark. As soon as he boarded his flight, he called his agent because he knew he was never going to come back there again, no matter how his coming home to Korea ends up.
♪Tonight I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
holding you, holding you, holding you tonight♪
Finally, Oh Sehun steps foot on Korea, his homeland. The first thing he did was call Junmyeon’s phone. After a couple of rings, someone finally answered.
“Hello? Junmyeon?”
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In a race against time, no one has ever came out a winner.