Archive of Our Own

Things were… hard. Bad. The anxiety was a thick, oppressive cloud most days, and it was just hard trying to get through classes like normal. He just had so many thoughts-

Eri. 

Night Eye. He doesn’t trust Izuku- 

Eri, she was right there-

All Might. 

All Might dying-

Eri, she’s just a kid- 

And it was almost like when he was in middle school. The depression, the anxiety, the swirling thoughts, the restless feeling of being stuck in a place he didn’t want to be. It was similar, but it was different too. 

He had a quirk now. 

And he still let Eri go-

He wasn’t the same useless Deku he was before. He wasn’t. 

He had a quirk, a mentor, friends. He had all of these things now, so it's frustrating that he’s even feeling close to what he felt in middle school. 

Izuku presses his hands against his eyes and groans. It’s early, but he drags himself out of bed anyway. It’s obvious he’s not going to be sleeping anymore tonight, so he may as well get up to try and keep himself from spiraling any further. 

Moving always helps, and even though it’s too early to wake even Iida for a run, he can at least go stretch in the common area or something. 

But as he makes his way downstairs, he’s surprised to see a light already on. He pauses, cause he’s not exactly ready to see people yet, but the alternative is going back to his room and that is not happening. 

So he takes a deep breath in and pads around the corner into the common area. 

And Izuku blinks, surprised, because it’s Kirishima sitting at the coffee table, books spread out and hair loose around his face. Kirishima looks just as surprised to see Izuku for a moment before a big smile spreads across his face. 

“Yo, Midoriya! You get called in or something?”

“No,” Izuku sighs out, scratching at the back of his hand. “Um, Night Eye’s agency, they’re in the middle of something, so I haven’t been called in for a while. I just, um, couldn’t really sleep.”

“That sucks, man,” and the smile Kirishima offers him is genuine and sympathetic. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Wha- no!” Izuku’s nails dig a little too deeply into his skin, and he winces. “No, I didn’t mean to interrupt you or anything. I can go-”

“Nah, dude, you’re good! I’m just trying to play catch up while I can so I don’t fall anymore behind the rest of you guys,” Kirishima laughs sheepishly, gesturing to the spread of books in front of him. “Aizawa’s been cool with the supplementary lessons and all, but studying’s never been my strong point, ya know?”

“Oh, well, do you want some help?” Izuku offers, stepping forward to take a peek at what Kirishima’s working on. “Since I haven’t been called in, I’m pretty much caught up…”

“Seriously, dude!? That would be sick, cause I am dying trying to figure out this English homework,” Kirishima’s bright and smiling as he pats the spot on the floor next to him, and something in Izuku eases at the thought of helping someone. 

And it’s surprisingly nice. As much as Izuku has been dreading being stuck in a classroom lately, it’s not bad, sitting out here in the common area with just one other person. The ever-present pressure to be doing more isn’t as noticeable when he’s actually helping someone, and his swirling thoughts have calmed enough for him to just focus on explaining these vocab words. 

And Kirishima is just nice. Which isn’t a new revelation of anything, since Kirishima has always been nice. But he’s so generous with his smiles, and touches, and laughter, that it’s almost infectious. Sitting here with Kirishima when the both of them really should be asleep is the closest Izuku has come to laughing in, well, awhile. 

They eventually make it to the end of the vocab list, and Kirishima sets his pencil down with a relieved groan, “Thank you so much, man, seriously. There was no way I was ever getting through that on my own.”

“Of course. I was, um, happy to help,” Izuku says, smiling a bit nervously. He was happy to help, but Kirishima helped him too, and he deserves to know that, so Izuku lets out in a rush, “And it was r-really nice to just- y’know, sit and talk with someone. I think, um, I think I needed that, so thanks for just being here, I guess.”

“Dude, no, thank you, I didn’t even do anything!” Kirishima is emphatic and earnest, shaking Izuku’s shoulder as he tries to convey his thanks. 

But Izuku is too, so he tries to explain, “You did though! You just- you’re so easy to talk to, Kirishima. Ever since our Work Study started, I just- it’s been hard for me to-”

“Yeah, it’s a little hard to talk about with the others, right?”

“Yes,” Izuku sighs, relieved that Kirishima got what he was trying to say. “I’m really grateful that I even get to do this, so I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining to the others, but…”

“But it’s hard!” Kirishima exclaims, filling in where Izuku left off, and Izuku nods, feeling like a weight is off his chest now that someone else has said it. “It’s so totally different from our internships, and like, it’s never been so obvious that I’ve got freaking miles to go before I’m even close to calling myself a hero.”

Kirishima thunks his head back against the sofa they’re currently resting against, dragging a hand through his hair as he continues, “Everyone here is so incredible. You, Bakugo, Tamaki, you’re all such great heroes already. I just wanna catch up as soon as I can.”

Izuku snorts at that, more bitter than he intended. “I wouldn’t include me in that. If this Work Study has shown me anything, it’s that I’m nowhere near the hero that I need to be.”

“Midoriya, man,” Kirishima’s voice is soft as he turns his head to look at him. “Did something happen?”

And Izuku’s breath catches in his chest. The pressure is back, crushing against his ribs, and all he can think about is Eri. Eri shaking in his arms. Eri being right there, so close to freedom, and still choosing to run back to the villain she was trying so hard to escape to save them.

“Woah, okay, dude, deep breaths,” Kirishima throws an arm around his shoulders, and it’s sturdy enough to bring Izuku back into the present and remind him that, right, yeah, he does, in fact, need to breathe. 

He heaves in a breath, and another, and Kirishima is a solid, if slightly panicked, presence at his side. He keeps babbling reassurances into his ear as Izuku tries to steady his breathing into something that’s a bit more normal. 

“-and you can always talk to me about things, dude- there you go, that’s great, man, you’re doing great- but it’s totally okay if you’re not comfortable with that, no pressure or anything. Like if you need to talk to, um, Uraraka, or Todoroki, or Baku- wait, do you guys even talk about things like this or is that just a rivalry thing-”

“It’s fine, Kirishima, I’m fine,” Izuku says, and he pretty much is. The rush of anxiety was a bit overwhelming, but it’s no different than what he’s been dealing with this past week. But Kirishima did bring up something of a sore spot that Izuku has been trying to avoid thinking about. “And even if I could talk about it, it’s not like they want to hear it.”

And Izuku hates being this bitter, but things are just hard. 

“Huh? What do you-” and Kirishima’s face morphs into an awkward smile as he realizes what Izuku’s talking about. “Oh yeah, haha, Bakugou’s whole ‘Stop talking about how you’re beating me’ thing. Yeah, that- he’s pulled that with me too. And I get where he’s coming from, I’m sure it sucks being stuck in those provisional classes, but still…” 

“Yeah,” Izuku sighs. He can understand how frustrating it must be, but still.

“But, I mean, what about Uraraka? Or, crap, I guess her and Tsuyu have been absent for a while for their stuff. Uh, what about Todoroki? You two are close, and I know he’s in the provisional courses too, but he’s gotta be better about, y’know, feelings stuff than Bakugou is.”

And Kirishima somehow found an even sorer spot to dig at. 

Things with Todoroki have been weird ever since the license exam. It’s not like with Kacchan, who shuts things down before Izuku even has a chance to try and talk with him, Todoroki’s just been… quiet. And avoiding Izuku without actually avoiding him- like he still hangs around Izuku like normal, but there’s always another person there to act like a buffer. Honestly, Izuku can’t remember the last time he talked to Todoroki alone. 

Izuku hates it. 

And okay, yes, Izuku may be nursing a small crush on Todoroki, and it sucks, on so many levels, to realize that your crush doesn’t want to be alone in a room with you. But whatever, Izuku knew he had a less than 0% chance of ever dating someone like Todoroki, so that’s not the hugest blow. But he’s still a friend. A close friend, or, at least, Izuku thought he was. 

And while Izuku wouldn’t have been able to tell him everything, Izuku would have liked to hear his perspective on things. To get any sort of advice on how to deal with all these feelings, all this pressure building up inside him. 

But Todoroki obviously doesn’t want that, so here Izuku is. On the floor of the common room, having a mini-panic attack in front of Kirishima. 

Who is still looking at him, worried, as Izuku stews. Which is just nice of him. It’s honestly making Izuku a little emotional how nice Kirishima is being. 

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking- but no, I don’t wanna, um, bother him or anything while he’s doing all that extra stuff for the provisional courses anyway.”

“Sure, man, makes sense,” Kirishima says, voice surprisingly gentle as he squeezes Izuku’s shoulders. “But your feelings aren’t a bother, dude. I don’t wanna pressure you or anything, but you can talk to me if you want. You don’t gotta be scared or feel like you gotta hide it. And, y’know, I might be able to help if it’s about Work Study stuff.”

Izuku feels the familiar prick of tears start up, and his voice cracks a bit as he tells Kirishima, “Thank you. I-I really can’t say much, but um, I think I screwed up, Kirishima.” Izuku’s voice is a thick whisper as the tears start in earnest, “She was just a kid, and she needed help, but I didn’t- we couldn’t - and I can’t stop thinking about it. She was hurt, Kirishima, and we just let her go. Night Eye said it was the right call, but it doesn’t feel right. There’s no way letting her go back to that could be right.”

“Holy shit, dude,” Kirishima whispered. “That’s- that’s rough, buddy. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with that all by yourself.”

Izuku wipes at his eyes. The anxiety and the pressure are still present and pushing at him, but it feels a bit different now that someone else knows. 

“Being a hero, it seems like it’s just one tough call after another. I can’t even imagine being in your shoes having to make that kinda decision, dude,” Kirishima continues. “But you’re a good person, Midoriya. Like seriously, one of the best I know. You’re always thinking about other people, even when that means that you’re the one in danger instead.”

Izuku’s heart clenches at his words, but when he turns to look at Kirishima, he’s surprised to see him looking away, eyes sad and mouth tight. 

But before he can ask Kirishima if he’s okay, Kirishima turns back to him, smile small but earnest, as he says “Y’know, that’s something I really look up to you for, as a hero and as a man. So I’m sure you did everything you could have. And even if you did mess up or something, I know you won’t stop until you fix it. So you’ll save that girl, one way or another, dude. I’m sure of it.”

And now Izuku feels himself start to cry for a whole new reason. He turns and throws his arms around Kirishima and sobs his thanks into his shoulder. And this doesn’t change things- Eri’s still caught; Night Eye still doesn’t trust him; All Might is still dying - but it’s a relief, a huge relief, to sob his thanks and his anxieties out on Kirishima’s shoulder. 

And Kirishima lets him, just petting through his hair and offering reassurances until Izuku is red-eyed and tired and the sun is breaking through the common-room windows. 

---

Things change between him and Kirishima after that. Izuku doesn’t know if it’s just Kirishima’s good-natured inclination to keep checking up on Izuku, or if he found that morning as reassuring and meaningful as Izuku did, but he’s a welcome addition to Izuku’s routine. 

When Kirishima has the day off from his Work Study, the two of them just kinda gravitate toward each other. And it makes sense, in a way. With the Work Study students away so often and Kacchan and Todoroki away at their provisional courses, the class is just smaller. So it’s not too weird for the groups to slowly mesh together to make up for all the absences, and for Izuku and Kirishima to start eating their lunch next to each other. 

And to start training together. 

Todoroki was his usual partner, but that’s changed now with him and Kacchan pairing up more often when they are here, and Izuku tries not to let that get to him. Todoroki is strong and very few students can match that strength, so Kacchan is an obvious sparring choice. It makes sense, and Izuku should stop taking things so personally. 

And, of course, Kirishima lost his usual partner too. And Izuku was honestly a little mad for him on his behalf when he came up to Izuku looking like a kicked puppy, asking to be his partner. So the two of them start training together, and even if they don’t talk about it directly, it’s nice to have someone to lick your wounds with. 

Which is something else Izuku has been thinking about, on top of the usual Eri, Night Eye, All Might spiral.

It’s just that Kirishima’s wounds are looking suspiciously similar to Izuku’s. Seeing the way Kirishima looks after Kacchan hurts because Izuku is sure he has the same look on his face when Todoroki walks away from him again. 

And it’s not like there’s anything wrong with Todoroki and Kacchan suddenly getting closer. Izuku is happy for them and everything it took for the two of them to even be in a place to make friends. But it always sucks being left behind, and it’s a feeling Izuku is a little too comfortable with. 

But when Izuku turns away from watching Todoroki’s back, Kirishima’s there. And even when he’s looking as wounded as Izuku feels, he’s always quick to bounce back with a smile, and manly encouragement, and an offer to work out together. 

So things are different. And Izuku is still feeling sore, with one too many open wounds still on his heart and in his head, but Kirishima’s presence is an unexpected balm.

---

It’s early. Again. 

His thoughts are fast and heavy at the same time- Eri, Night Eye, All Might- and he would rather die than stay in this bed another minute. So Izuku tosses off the covers once again and gets up just so he has something to do with his body.

It’s dark in the common room, which is why it’s even more startling to see a body already sitting on the couch. 

Izuku yelps, slapping a hand over his rapidly beating heart as the figure on the couch jumps in surprise. 

“Holy shit-” is gasped out, and Izuku hears the person fumbling for the lamp switch on the end table. Suddenly, the room is flooded with light, and Izuku is both surprised and relieved that it’s Kirishima looking flustered on the couch. 

“Holy shit, sorry, bro! I didn’t mean to scare you,” Kirishima says, looking genuinely apologetic. 

“N-no, that’s fine,” Izuku said, waving off the apology with a weak laugh. He’s comfortable enough now to just join Kirishima on the couch as he asks, “Just- what are you doing down here? Is everything okay?”

“Oh, for sure!” And Izuku can tell that Kirishima is going for enthusiastic, but his tone doesn’t quite get there. “Just, y’know, lots of thoughts. We had a big night patrolling and had to stay late to debrief and do some paperwork, so I only got back like an hour ago maybe. I was just too jazzed to go to sleep, I guess.”

Izuku’s heart squeezes to see him looking so not-himself, so Izuku reaches out a tentative hand to place on his shoulder and asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kirishima blinks at him, surprised, before he waves him off with an embarrassed laugh. “Thanks, dude, but it’s not that serious. I mean, definitely nothing like what you went through, so I don’t wanna bog you down with my lame stuff.”

“What? No- Kirishima, it’s not a competition!” Izuku tells him, fired up and adamant. “Your feelings aren’t a bother. That’s what you told me, remember? And you listened and helped me when I was dealing with stuff I didn’t think anyone would want to hear about, s-so let me do the same for you. I mean, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

Kirishima’s mouth drops open with a cry of, “Bro!”

Izuku gasps as he’s suddenly surrounded by Kirishima’s firm arms and pressed against his even firmer chest - and woah, Izuku, where the heck did those thoughts come from!?- in what was honestly the best hug of his life. Izuku’s face flushes as he places tentative arms around Kirishima, and he’s grateful that his face is currently buried in the junction of Kirishima’s chest and shoulder so Kirishima can’t see how red it’s getting. 

“Dude, you are the freaking nicest person I’ve ever met, I am, like, honored to be your friend. That was seriously one of the manliest things ever, you’re the freaking coolest, Midoriya-” Kirishima gushes above Izuku’s head.

Izuku flushes impossibly redder at the stream of compliments, but, like everything Kirishima does these days, it puts Izuku at ease. He laughs, some of the tension from his sleepless night uncoiling inside him, and he lets himself relax into the comfort of Kirishima.

It quiets between them, and Izuku finds himself reluctantly pulling back from the hug. Kirishima is looking thoughtful, chewing at his lip, but he hasn’t really moved away from Izuku, so Izuku let’s himself stay in Kirishima’s space, closer than they’ve ever really been before, and tries not to overthink it as Kirishima gathers his thoughts.

“It really wasn’t that bad,” Kirishima starts slowly. Izuku is quiet, and Kirishima continues after a moment, “Like I took down a villain! Mostly- I mean, Fat Gum was the one that technically caught him, but I fought him and won. I saved people, and they even thanked me for it. It was the coolest thing ever, man.”

“T-that’s incredible, Kirishima!” Izuku tells him, and he’s sure that it was an amazing fight. Izuku is dying to ask for details, but he can tell that Kirishima has more to say. 

And he does. Kirishima just looks and smiles at him for a moment before continuing, “Heh, yeah, it was pretty incredible. I felt like a real hero there for a second. But I mean, I still messed up. Fat Gum was there to catch the guy before he got away, but I was dumb and let him get away in the first place. And that- I could have gotten a lot of people hurt, y’know? Tamaki did get hurt. Which wasn’t exactly my fault or anything, but there was probably something I could’ve done to help, right?”

Kirishima sighs, and slumps against Izuku as he whispers, “I just wanna be better already, y’know?”

Izuku nods, humming his agreement, and he hesitates for just a second before grabbing Kirishima’s hand and squeezing gently. Because he does get it. It’s basically been all he’s been thinking about since joining Night Eye’s agency. 

If he was a better hero, Night Eye would trust him to carry on All Might’s legacy.

If he was a better hero, he could have saved Eri. 

If he was a better hero, All Might would’ve told him sooner. 

“I think I know what you’re talking about,” Izuku starts quietly, looking down at their joined hands. “I’ve made so many mistakes already, and sometimes it feels like that’s the only thing I can think about- just all the people I let down because I’m not better. But when I look at you, Kirishima, all I can see is a hero trying his best! You work so hard, but you always stop to think about others too. Like, it’s never just about you- you encourage all our classmates to push themselves harder, to be better heroes too. A-and I just think that makes you a really amazing person,” and Izuku pauses, stumbling his words a bit as he tries to get back to his point. “A-anyway! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know you want to get better, but, Kirishima, you are better. Like, you were impressive to start with, but seeing you in the Sports Festival, a-and you’re basically the whole reason we were able to save Kacchan, and now, you saved people today! That’s amazing! So don’t discredit all the progress you’ve made so far because, from where I’m standing, you’ve done some seriously amazing things.”

That was… a lot. Izuku knows he was rambling by the end there, and he’s starting to think that it probably didn’t even make sense with how quiet Kirishima is being. His palms prick with an anxious sweat, and he tries to find the words to backtrack, “Or, um- sorry, was that weird? I didn’t mean-”

But then Kirishima squeezes his hand, almost painful in it’s tightness, and his voice is quiet and a little wet as he says, “How do you keep getting even more nice, Midoriya?”

“Eh?” That was not the response Izuku was expecting, and it makes his ears go a little warm and his heart trip a little strangely. 

Kirishima lets out a wet chuckle before tugging on their joined hands, “Just- c’mere, dude.”

And it’s easy to slip into another hug, but this one is a little bit different this time. Kirishima is the one to bury his face against Izuku’s neck, and the way he’s holding onto him is more akin to clinging than squeezing. 

Izuku is a little slow to respond, still trying to figure out how Kirishima took all his rambling. This- was this a good reaction? 

But then Kirishima lets out a small gasp, and Izuku has the distinct feeling of something wet sliding down his collar. So he decides to stop overthinking things for once in his life and hugs Kirishima back, for real this time. He wraps his arms tightly around his shoulders and pets soothingly across the hair at the nape of his neck.

Kirishima isn’t a loud crier, not like Izuku is, but he holds him through his shoulders shaking and his shirt getting progressively wetter. And Kirishima must have been more exhausted than he thought because it isn’t long before Izuku feels Kirishima going slack against him. 

And that- Izuku isn’t going to think too hard about how that’s making him feel right now because he would much rather focus on Kirishima getting the rest he needs. The only problem is that Kirishima is a warm and solid weight against him, and- weighted blankets are supposed to be comforting, right? So it’s not that surprising that Izuku is getting sleepy himself with such a comforting presence surrounding him, and he has been having some trouble sleeping for, well, the past month now. 

It’ll only be for a few minutes, Izuku promises to himself, settling back into the cushions and pulling Kirishima a little closer. 

---

“You two! This is- gah!” 

Izuku startles awake at the noise, arms tightening around the form pressing against his chest. It’s Iida, Izuku can tell from the exasperated whisper-shouting. Kirishima squirms and sketches against him- which, okay, Izuku, calm down- and when he lifts his head, their faces are inches apart.

And his first coherent thought of the day is: he’s so pretty.  

“Really, you two.” Iida sounds fond and stern as he continues, “I can imagine that sleep is hard to come by with your schedules, but students should regulate their sleeping to their own individual dorm rooms.”

“Sorry about that, class rep,” Kirishima mumbles out around a jaw-splitting yawn. “Definitely an accident. But also, Midoriya is like unfairly comfy, so not my fault.”

“Honestly,” Iida sighs. “Well, I’m about to go for my jog if either of you would like to join me. If not, please do try to make it back to your own rooms before resting again.”

“I'll go!” Izuku yelps out, trying not to be too obvious as he shifts uncomfortably on the couch- do not acknowledge it, do not acknowledge it, do not- 

“Woah! Impressive, dude,” Kirishima laughs, slapping Izuku on the shoulder. Izuku tries not to flush. “But I gotta pass, I’m still wiped from last night.”

Kirishima stands and stretches, shirt riding up slightly, and Izuku resolutely does not look at the slice of skin he exposes - get it together, Izuku.

“Seriously, though, Midoriya,” and Izuku flicks his eyes up to meet Kirishima’s, and he’s blushing- oh fuck, he’s cute- and scratching at the back of his head a bit bashfully. “Thanks for the talk last night, man. That really meant a lot to me. And, sorry I ended up trapping you down here.”

And before Izuku can respond, Kirishima clears his throat and finishes in a rush, “Anyway, have fun on your jog!” 

Iida and Izuku watch as Kirishima all but sprints from the room.

Iida turns to him with a raised eyebrow.

Izuku buries his face in one of the throw pillows and screams. 

---

That night, Izuku does what he does best and opens his journal to a fresh page to write the following:

Possible Indicators of a Possible Crush on Kirishima Eijirou

• You think he’s cute He is VERY cute

• He’s the nicest person you’ve ever met (e.g. he always listens to you, he cares about your emotional health, he takes care of his friends, etc.)

• He’s helped you a lot

• The best hugger 

• You cuddled him???? (A+ cuddling if yes)

• Got an accidental b- (Izuku refuses to finish writing that word, flushing hard.)

• ^ obviously attracted to him

Izuku stares at the list, his heart beating fast. Before he can start overthinking, he flips to the next page and starts a new list.

Reasons to Not Have a Crush on Kirishima Eijirou 

• You like Todoroki (Izuku pauses after writing that one, before hesitantly writing the next line)

• You’re pretty sure you still like Todoroki (further thought needed)

• He’s a really, really amazing friend (see: current state of Todoroki friendship for possible impact of crush on said friendship)

• He likes Kacchan 

And that’s all that really matters, right? Kirishima likes Kacchan. And even though things with him and Kacchan aren’t great right now, that doesn’t mean that things won’t change in the future. And Izuku wants them to change, for Kirishima’s sake if nothing else. Just like he wants things to go back to normal with him and Todoroki eventually. 

But even if things don’t work out in a dating sense for Kacchan and Kirishima, that still doesn’t mean he’d like Izuku. Honestly, Izuku isn’t blind. It’s obvious that him and Kacchan are nothing alike, in looks, personality, or ability. And even though Izuku is finally a bit more at peace with the differences between the two of them, that does very little to help his confidence in this situation. 

So he should just realize that a crush on Kirishima is just as hopeless as a crush on Todoroki was- or is? It’s as hopeless as a crush on Todoroki is, right? 

Does he still like Todoroki?

Honestly, Izuku isn’t sure. Whenever he thinks about it, his stomach just turns to knots, and that’s a lot more unpleasant than the butterflies he used to get. So he’s been avoiding thinking about Todoroki, which is easy enough since Todoroki is continuing to avoid him. Todoroki is still amazing- he’s strong, and competent, and Izuku knows he’s working hard to make up for what happened during the provisional license exam. And he’s still nice to Izuku when they do spend some time together. So besides avoiding being alone with Izuku, nothing has really changed between them. 

So why are things different for him now? Is it just Kirishima’s presence in his life? Is he doomed to fall for every unattainable boy that pays him any positive attention?

Why is he like this?

Izuku is startled out of his ruminating by a knock on his door. Which is strange because anyone that would visit him- which is just Uraraka, let’s be real- would just barge in. 

So he gets up and opens the door with a hesitant, “Hello?”

“Hey, dude!” It’s Kirishima, obviously fresh from a shower, with his hair loose and damp around his face and his shirt clinging to his body. Izuku feels his soul ascend from his body. “Sorry to bother you-”

“It’s okay!” He squeaks- calm down, calm down, calm down, do NOT make this weird-

“Oh, great!” Kirishima laughs, and Izuku watches as a blush creeps out from under his tan as he awkwardly starts, “Um, okay, so this is probably going to sound a little weird, and you can totally tell me no if you don’t want to, like no pressure or anything-”

“What is it, Kirishima?” And Izuku doesn’t know if it’s just the relief of not being the awkwardest person in the room for once, but his voice comes out relatively normal. 

“Willyouspendthenightwithme!?”

Izuku blinks, taking a second to try and decipher what he said, but Kirishima is quick to jump in with an explanation.

“Not in a weird way or anything, bro! It’s just- I’ve been having some trouble sleeping since the Work Study started, and last night was the first time I’ve slept super good in a while, and I think it was because of you. Like just having another person nearby helped? So um, it’s definitely not anything weird, we can just put on a movie and chill and see if it actually helps or not, but if that’s not good for you, then I totally understand! I don’t want you to have a crappy night just to help me out-”

“Kirishima!” His heart is beating fast, painfully, unbelievably fast, but Izuku is also unfortunately familiar with having sleepless nights. So he tries for a reassuring smile, and says, “Of course I wanna help. Let me just grab some things.”

Luckily, Izuku was pretty much ready for bed when Kirishima knocked, so all he does is grab a pillow and blanket from his bed before following Kirishima to his room.

It’s the first time he’s been in Kirishima’s room since the room competition, but it seems pretty similar to what he remembers, and Izuku has to smother a laugh at just how Kirishima the room is now that he knows him better. 

“Ah, shit, sorry,” Kirishima mutters, hurriedly shoving dumbbells under his bed and throwing stray clothes in a far corner of the room. “I probably should have cleaned up before asking you over, huh?”

“It’s fine! I really don’t mind,” Izuku assures him. He glances around the room, trying to find the best space to put his things, but there’s not a lot of extra room between his bed, desk, and all his workout equipment, so he asks, “Um, where do you want me to sleep?”

“The bed, dude!” Kirishima answers innocently, as if that answer didn’t just send Izuku into cardiac arrest. “I don’t have a TV, so we’d have to watch anything on my laptop, and that’ll be easiest with us both on the bed.”

Kirishima hops on said bed, patting the spot next to him invitingly, and Izuku has no choice but to swallow his fear and crawl in next to him. 

Izuku tries to be subtle as he takes some deep breaths, watching Kirishima grab his laptop from behind his bed and turn it on. 

“So what kinda movies do you usually watch?”

“Oh, um, mainly just hero documentaries. But we don’t have to watch those! I know they can be pretty boring.”

“I shoulda guessed!” Kirishima laughs, but he’s excited as he asks, “Have you seen anything on the Crimson Riot?”

“Yeah! He was part of a special I used to watch all the time about the Golden Age of heroes,” Izuku gushes. “He had such an incredible presence in the film, it’s a shame he never got the coverage that other heroes of that era got.”

“Right!? He’s the epitome of manliness!” Kirishima shouts, flexing a bicep as if to emphasize the manliness of his point. Izuku snorts a laugh and tries not to look too closely at his arms. “Um, I actually have a couple documentaries on him downloaded already if you wanna watch one. Or we can find something new if that sounds better.”

“I’d love to watch one,” Izuku says, and he means it. And not just because he loves hero documentaries, but because the idea of Kirishima sharing something meaningful with him makes his chest feel all warm and squishy. “Which one’s your favorite?”

“Definitely this one! It’s the only documentary to cover his entire hero career, nothing else is anywhere close to as in-depth as this one is,” Kirishima explains, pulling up the movie and setting the laptop down between them. Kirishima settles in deeper against the pillows as it starts playing, and his shoulder ends up pressing against Izuku’s. 

Izuku tries to focus on the movie, he really does. But Kirishima is warm and solid against him, and every time he moves, Izuku catches a whiff of his shampoo, and Izuku is just hopelessly spiraling further and further into this crush. 

He barely realizes how much time has passed until Kirishima’s head thunks against his shoulder. He looks down to find Kirishima dead asleep, mouth hanging open and everything. 

Izuku melts. 

He makes sure he’s gentle and slow as he moves them lower onto the pillows, and Kirishima must be a natural born cuddler because he wastes no time in latching himself onto Izuku, tucking his head into the crook of his neck and tossing his arm across his chest.

And Izuku isn’t sure what it is about Kirishima laying on him, but the same thing from last night happens. In no time at all, Izuku feels himself getting drowsy as well, and he’s not about to pass up on the opportunity of good sleep. 

---

And just like that, it becomes a thing for the two of them. Kirishima invites him back to his room the following night, and the night after that, and eventually, Izuku doesn’t even need an invitation. It’s easy and surprisingly simple to slip into Kirishima’s room at the end of the day, to turn on a movie and chat, to squeeze in close to each other and relax. 

Which, that last part, that’s- something. 

Something that he is decidedly trying not to pay too much attention to. Because the cuddling is amazing. Seriously, Izuku can’t imagine a better feeling.

It’s comforting, and safe, and makes his thoughts quiet, and his heart beat faster, and skin tingle, and Izuku does not want to do anything that could mess this up. 

Like telling Kirishima about his feelings. Whatever benefit Kirishima gets from this arrangement is undoubtedly different from Izuku’s, and Izuku doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable or have things turn awkward when Kirishima ultimately rejects him. 

So they cuddle, and sleep, and Izuku starts feeling better than he has in ages.

---

And then, Izuku finally, finally, gets the call to come in.

---

The meeting was… hard.

He’s pretty sure it was hard for everyone. But Eri… Eri had it the worst of all.

Eri was still going through that. Every day. Every day since Izuku let her go.

It was like he’s right back where he started: the anxiety, the pressure, the non-stop thoughts, the guilt. 

Or no- it’s not exactly like it was before because he still has Kirishima, who finally knows how badly Izuku failed all those weeks ago. 

But because Kirishima is who he is, he doesn’t hold it against Izuku, doesn’t blame him like Izuku thinks he should. And Izuku feels both guilty and grateful for that, and for Kirishima slipping into his room that night after Izuku was too afraid to test if he was still welcome in Kirishima’s. 

There was no pretense of a movie this time. It was just the two of them as Kirishima slipped in under Izuku’s covers, and it was quiet when Kirishima pulled Izuku against him. Izuku lasted all of two seconds before he broke down, sobbing against Kirishima like the first night they accidentally stumbled upon each other. But this time, Kirishima cries with him, just a bit.

--- 

It’s simultaneously easy and difficult after that. 

Izuku is a mess of guilt and anxiety, but Kirishima is ever-present balm to his nerves, always offering a sympathetic shoulder squeeze and the comfort of a safe night between the two of them. 

And Kirishima and the others, they’re all in pretty high spirits at the thought of Eri’s rescue. But Izuku can’t stop the heavy weight of the thoughts that he couldn’t share.

It was like there was a clock that was ticking that only Izuku could see, and he knew he was running out of time to talk to Night Eye about All Might. But he also realized that now was the worst possible time he could bring this up to his new supervisor. 

And since all the interns were forbidden from speaking about the mission, he couldn’t even really talk to All Might about this. And Izuku obviously couldn’t share All Might’s plight with Kirishima. 

So Izuku was stuck. Alone. 

He knew he needed to give his all when it was time for Eri’s mission, but Izuku felt like he was on a precipice. And he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to catch himself in time if he tipped over. 

“Not gonna eat?” 

Izuku startled at the sound of Todoroki’s voice, but he tried to reassure them with a quick, “Sure, I’ll eat, I’ll eat!”

Izuku could feel Iida’s eyes on him as he asked, “Are you okay?”

Okay, so Izuku wasn’t doing a great job at the reassuring thing. But before he could answer Iida, Todoroki followed with, “You’ve been looking kinda down since you started your internship.”

“Huh? Really?” Izuku tries to keep his voice nonchalant. ‘Kinda down,’ huh? Izuku guesses that’s better than them realizing what a mess he’s actually been. 

He takes a bite of his noodles, but it’s like trying to chew cardboard. He tries not to cry.

“‘If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to us. We’re friends, after all.’” Iida’s voice is gentle but firm as he chops the air between them. “Those are the words you told me, when I was being a fool all those months ago.”

Izuku feels a rush of affection, so thick it chokes him, and he’s helpless to stop the tears this time. 

“What the!? You okay!?” 

“Sorry,” Izuku gasps out. He ducks his head, trying his best to not make his friends too worried. “I’m okay. It’s nothing.”

And Izuku is so grateful for them, even now, when he can’t reach out for help the way he wants to. And even with things being weird, the relief of knowing that they're here, that they want to be by his side through all of this, is overwhelming. 

And maybe Izuku can’t tell them right now, but wallowing in his secrets won’t help him, won’t help Eri, so he picks up his chopsticks and wipes at his eyes with a gasp of, “Heroes don’t cry.”

It’s silent for a moment as Izuku shovels food into his mouth, then Todoroki offers up a quiet rebuttal of “No… Heroes also have times where they cry… Maybe.”

Izuku’s heart squeezes. Maybe a few weeks ago, Izuku might have been flooded with another feeling at Todoroki’s words, and maybe the inclination is still there, just a bit, but right now, he’s happy to take the words for what they are. 

“I’m going to give you half a thing of soba,” Todoroki says, divvying up some of his food. 

“I’ll give you some beef stew too,” Iida adds, pushing some food onto his plate. 

Izuku lets out a weepy, “Thanks,” and accepts their offerings of friendship, eating his fill. 

---

“Was everything okay today, dude?” Kirishima asks as Izuku crawls into his spot. “It looked like you got kinda upset at lunch.”

“Oh, you saw that?” Izuku laughs, a little self-conscious. “Um, Iida and Todoroki just noticed I was kinda down these past couple of days. So they were just checking in. It was, um- it was really sweet.”

“That is super sweet, dude!” Kirishima exclaims, bumping his shoulder against Izuku’s with a smile. “I’m glad they’re looking out for ya. It’s hard not being able to talk about this with everyone.”

“Yeah,” Izuku sighs. “Things were getting weird enough without us doing secret missions. This isn’t exactly helping anything.”

“Huh? What do you mean, man?” 

Izuku freezes as his words catch up to him. And he would try to backtrack, but if he’s going to talk about this with anyone, he would want it to be Kirishima. “Um, just that things are kinda weird with Todoroki right now.”

“Oh, shit, dude. I had no idea! What happened?” Kirishima throws an arm around his shoulder and Izuku sinks into his side as he explains. 

“Honestly, I don’t know. It started after the license exam, he- he just started avoiding me. But only kinda? I mean, we still talk, but it’s like he’s avoiding being alone with me. Whenever we do get to hang out, Iida or someone else is usually there too. Which is fine, we’re all friends, I just don’t know what I did wrong to push him away.”

“Woah, hey there, bro, don’t start blaming yourself,” Kirishima says, voice surprisingly firm as he turns to face Izuku. “Todoroki is being super unmanly by just ditching you like that. If there’s an issue, he needs to tell you about it. It’s that simple, man.” 

“Well, I mean, I haven’t really talked to him about it either. There’s been a lot going on, but I’ve been avoiding that conversation too.” And that’s a little hard to admit, but Izuku knows he can’t put all of this on Todoroki’s shoulders. 

“Still,” Kirishima grumbles. “That’s not how you treat your friends! And I don’t know, man, I might be overstepping here, but you like Todoroki, right?” Izuku freezes, but Kirishima continues on unphased. “So that’s extra unmanly of him! You gotta face feelings head on, not run away when it gets hard!”

“Kirishima,” and Izuku really wanted his voice to come out normal, but the best he can manage is a weak whisper. “You knew I liked Todoroki?”

“Huh?” Kirishima finally seems to pick up on Izuku’s anxiety, and his face slips into a worried frown. “Uh, I mean, I just kinda picked up on it? It wasn’t obvious or anything. Just, when we started hanging out, I started to notice it.”

Izuku is… processing. He’s not thrilled about the idea of anyone knowing about his useless crush, and he hates the idea that he was so obvious that someone was able to pick up on it. 

It’s upsetting. 

But it’s also not as devastating as he thought it would be?

Maybe it’s because the crush isn’t the overwhelming disappointment it was a few a weeks ago. 

Or maybe it’s just that it’s Kirishima. 

Honestly, there’s not many people that Izuku would trust more right now. And if there’s anything that Izuku knows about Kirishima, it’s that he supports his friends with an unabashed passion. 

“Oh, man. I’m so sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything- god, I really know how to put my foot in my mouth, huh? Shit, I’m so, so sorry-”

“It’s okay,” Izuku cuts in, voice, for once, surprisingly calm. “Really, Kirishima, I’m, um- I’m actually not that upset.”

“O-oh? Um, tha- that’s good, dude,” Kirishima still looks worried and apologetic, but he offers Izuku a small smile. “But I’m sorry for just bringing that up like that. Sometimes I just say things before my brain has time to catch up, which is, um, not cool.”

“It’s really okay,” Izuku repeats. And maybe it’s because he’s feeling a little brave from not having a breakdown over this like he anticipated, but Izuku chances grabbing Kirishima’s hand as he relaxes back against him. “I- I mean, you’re right. I did like him back then. A lot. But I don’t know, I just don’t really feel the same now. I don’t know if it’s because we’re not as close right now or if I just needed some distance, but yeah. Not the same. Which means I should probably talk to him soon, just to make sure things are still okay with us.”

“Wow, dude,” Kirishima blinks down at him at surprise. “You’re so in touch with your feelings, that’s so manly.”

That surprises a laugh out of Izuku, and he’s grateful for the break in tension. “If you say so. I still feel like a mess most of the time with everything going on. Just, um- feelings are hard. But I gotta at least try and understand what’s going on, right? That way I can figure out what to do about them.”

Kirishima blinks down at him, long and slow, before nodding once, sharply. “Yeah, you’re right.”

And before Izuku can even ask him what he was right about exactly, Kirishima is reaching over to grab his laptop and talking about the last episode of the anime that they started. Izuku lets the moment pass between them, but Izuku keeps thinking about it as he watches. 

About Todoroki, and crushes, and Kirishima, and facing feelings head on. 

That’s... scary. But Kirishima is a great motivator, and Izuku wants to keep getting better and being better for him. 

With him. 

So it’s not just Todoroki; Izuku probably owes Kirshima a conversation too. Eventually.

Not tonight though because the anime is already flickering away on the screen, and it’s not exactly a great mood for a confession. So tomorrow.

---

Okay, so saying tomorrow was probably a little ambitious. He just needs a little more time is all- so tomorrow night, for sure. 

--- 

He was going to- he really was. But they finally get the call, and it’s Eri, and he’s not going to fail her this time.

---

It’s dark in the hospital. Like not completely dark or anything, but dark enough the Izuku feels the need to sneak as he makes his way out of his room. And he knows he’s lucky to get a solo room, but tonight is not a night he can spend alone. 

He’s exhausted, and numb, and he doesn’t think he’s ever cried more in his life. And maybe it’s not fair to go to Kirishima’s room and wake him after everything he went through today, but Izuku is verging on desperate. 

Izuku finds his room easily enough, and he hesitates for just a second before cracking open the door. 

“Kirishima?” He whispers out, and the figure on the bed stirs. So Izuku creeps closer. 

Kirishima is still wrapped tightly in bandages, but his arm and neck braces are off, and he shifts over enough on the bed to allow Izuku to slide in. He’s extra careful as he does, and for the first time tonight, Izuku feels like he can breathe.

Kirishima wraps a gentle arm around Izuku and pulls him up against his chest as he asks, “You doing okay, Midoriya?” 

“No,” Izuku replies, honest and exhausted. Izuku doesn’t think he has it in him to sob anymore, but a few tears still trickle out and dampen the bandages on Kirishima’s chest. 

---

It’s strange to be back in his own bed. Izuku was only gone a day, but so much seems to have changed that it almost doesn’t feel right to slip into the same sheets as before. It’s late, and he’s usually in Kirishima’s room by now, but it seemed like they both needed some time to themselves tonight. 

Izuku can’t stop thinking. And the thoughts are different this time- or, at the very least, they’re not the ever-present swirl of doom and anxiety that they were before. He’s still worried about Eri, but she’s at least safe in the hospital now, and he will get to see her soon, no matter what. And Night Eye- his death is a little too fresh in Izuku’s mind, so he can’t linger on that thought for long, but he keeps the phrase ‘Keep smiling’ repeating in his head like a second heartbeat. And All Might, he’s- well, Izuku isn’t sure, but that’s a little better now too, he thinks. At least, there’s a sliver of hope now that wasn’t there before. 

Togata’s been added to the mix now, but he does his best not to dwell too long on that either. Togata wouldn’t want him to, at least. So he’s awake, and his thoughts are racing, but it’s not that hard to deal with them by himself this time. 

And that’s good, right? That’s progress toward something.

He still misses Kirishima though. Just a bit. 

---

Classes are okay again too. It’s a bit odd, but Izuku feels himself relaxing back into his old routine more easily than he thought he would. The normalcy is comforting in a way, and Izuku realizes that he’s exhausted on a few different levels. So he goes through classes and training, and he’s still tired but he feels grounded and ready to face some things head-on. 

The sun is just starting to set, and Izuku has been unable to pin Kirishima down all day. Just like Iida, and strangely, Aoyama, have been all over Izuku today, Kirishima’s been almost constantly swarmed with his usual friend group. 

And Izuku knows that keeping all these secrets has been hard on their friendships, so Izuku doesn’t want to take away from their time together. But still. 

He can’t stop staring at Kirishima from across the common room. He’s talking with Kaminari and Sero on the couch, and he looks happy and relaxed and handsome. 

Okay, he can do this. Just stand up, and ask him to go talk outside. It’s a nice day, and Kirishima will look gorgeous against the sunset, and Izuku will have plenty of space to go cry after Kirishima inevitably rejects him. 

And that’s fine, it really is. Izuku isn’t expecting anything to come out of this, but telling his feelings will be cathartic and manly, and Kirishima will at least appreciate his honesty. 

Yep, he’s definitely doing this. Now or never. 

He stands up-

And the front door slams open with a bone jarring bang. It’s Kacchan, obviously, with Todoroki following close behind. And the two of them look happy, or at least as happy as the two of them can look. Todoroki has a small, tight-lipped smile on his face, and Kacchan is yelling, but he has his nice scowl on, the one that says he doesn’t really mean whatever he’s saying. 

Then Todoroki looks his way, and his smile grows into something bigger, and brighter, and just for him, and-

And Izuku waits for his heart to stutter and the butterflies to start, but what comes isn’t the feeling he’s used to. There’s something there, a relief to see his friend smiling at him like that again, maybe a bit of butterflies from a lingering crush because Todoroki is still ridiculously handsome and that will probably always do something to him, but it’s not anything that makes his heart hurt like it did before. 

Izuku slides his glance over to Kirishima just to double check, and yep, there’s the trip of his heartbeat and the overwhelming squirmy feeling in his stomach. Like everyone, Kirishima is looking toward the two’s dramatic entrance, and his face is excited and a little soft as he looks toward-

Oh.

And there’s a feeling Izuku definitely wasn’t missing. Izuku watches Kirishima watch Kacchan, and a small, ugly pit swallows the happy, squirmy feeling of earlier. And he shouldn’t be surprised, he knows Kirishima likes Kacchan, has known that from the start, but it feels different to see it playing out right in front of him. He tears his eyes away and is surprised to see Todoroki in front him, still wearing the same smile from earlier. 

“Midoriya,” he greets. 

“Hey, Todoroki!” And Izuku tries to inject the appropriate amount of enthusiasm into his voice. If it was any other day, Izuku would be excited to have Todoroki seeking him out of his own volition, but he can’t stop thinking about the look on Kirishima’s face. “How was your training lesson?”

“It was… good,” he says, and there’s a surprising amount of inflection in his voice as he says it. 

“Wow, that’s great! Do you want to tell me about it?” Izuku asks. Todoroki obviously has something he wants to share, and Izuku wants to give him his full attention, but he can’t stop watching Kirishima out of the corner of his eye. 

He had stood up as Kacchan walked over and had tossed his arm around his shoulder before Kacchan had even put his things down. He can’t hear what they’re saying, but Kirishima gestures toward the back door, making Kacchan scowl and start trudging that way.

Considering that this is looking startlingly similar to Izuku’s plan of a few minutes ago, he can pretty confidently guess at what Kirishima is wanting to do. And if Kacchan even considers turning him down, Izuku might be the one to invite him out to Ground Beta this time around. 

“Yes,” Todoroki sighs out, relieved, and Izuku jerks himself back to attention. His chest hurts, and he resigns himself to missing his shot. Honestly, it’s probably not too much of a loss since the outcome is the same anyway: Izuku unequivocally not having his feelings returned. But even if he can’t say what he wants, he can still be happy for him. He can still be a good friend. 

Just like he needs to be a good friend to Todoroki right now. So he pats the cushion next to him and does his best to devote his full attention to him as he asks, “So what happened today?”

“We changed the hearts of children,” he explains, settling down next to Izuku.

And Izuku doesn’t really know what to do with that, so he settles for saying, “Oh?”

“It taught me… a lot, I think. About being a hero.”

“That’s great, then!” Izuku exclaims. He can’t quite connect the dots with what Todoroki is giving him, but the experience meant enough to Todoroki to share with him, and that’s enough for Izuku to be happy for him.

“It is,” he says, nodding slowly. “I should apologize.”

“O-oh?” Izuku stutters, caught off guard. He had prided himself on being fluent in Todoroki before, but either he’s out of practice or Todoroki is being especially cryptic today. 

“Yes,” and Todoroki turns to face him fully, bowing slightly at the waist. “I’m sorry.”

“T-Todoroki! You don’t- it’s okay! Whatever it is, you don’t have to bow-”

“Oh.” He straightens, and the two of them look at each other for a moment before Todoroki says, “I should explain.”

“Please.”

“Right,” and Todoroki coughs lightly into his fist, and Izuku isn’t sure he’s ever seen him so embarrassed. “During the license exam… I was an idiot.”

Todoroki takes a deep breath, hands clenching tightly at the fabric of his pants before continuing, “You had to save me. Again. I had thought I had gotten better, that I had become someone better than what I showed you during the test.”

“Todoroki…” Izuku reaches out a tentative hand, and Todoroki gives him a small smile as Izuku rests it on his shoulder. 

“But I hadn’t. I was ashamed, and after everything you’ve done for me, that made it difficult to face you. And as someone who is supposed to be your friend, that wasn’t fair to you. But I- I needed to change and get better before I could face you again.”

“And today helped?” Izuku sniffs out. He’s reeling a bit. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and it makes his heart hurt, thinking about what Todoroki was putting himself through.

“Yes,” Todoroki sighs out and slumps over a bit as he does, but when he turns back toward Izuku he looks nothing but relieved. “I still have a long way to go before I catch up to you, but I’m trying.”

“Todoroki!” Izuku throws his arms around his friend, and he’s helpless to stop the sobs pouring out of him. Todoroki huffs out a small laugh, and he lightly pats at Izuku’s back as Izuku sobs on him. 

Izuku wants to reassure him, wants to tell that he’s already amazing in Izuku’s eyes, that Izuku can’t even fathom Todoroki Shoto having to catch up to him. But he doesn’t think that’s what Todoroki wants or needs to hear right now, so Izuku hopes that Todoroki can just feel everything Izuku’s trying to tell him instead. 

Izuku is just pulling himself away and wiping messily at his eyes when Todoroki blinks and turns to him looking as excited as Izuku has ever seen him. “Oh... There’s something else I’ve been wanting to tell you for awhile now.”

“Y-yeah?”

And Todoroki blushes a sweet pink across the bridge of his nose as he says, “Bakugo and I started dating.”

“What!?”

--- 

Izuku can’t stop pacing across his small room. He’s been obsessively checking his phone, but there’s no new messages, and Izuku hasn’t worked up the courage to text Kirishima himself. 

Him and Kacchan were gone a long time. Long enough for the sun to set, and for everyone to make their way upstairs to their own rooms, and for Izuku to feel like a creep for lingering any longer. 

Honestly, he doesn’t know enough about Kacchan and Kirishima’s friendship to predict how that conversation went, but Kirishima must be heartbroken. And he can’t even be mad at Kacchan for turning him down when Todoroki was so uncharacteristically happy to tell him about their relationship. So Izuku has nothing else to focus on but his worry over Kirishima and how he could best comfort his friend through a broken heart. 

Would Kirishima even want him to help?

Maybe he just needs to be alone, and Izuku should just be giving him some space.

Maybe-

Izuku nearly jumps through the ceiling when his phone buzzes in his hand, and he can’t help but be a little disappointed when he sees that it’s just Uraraka sending him a cute animal video. But then there’s a knock at his door, and Izuku very nearly throws his phone through it in his surprise. 

He places a hand over his racing heart and heaves in a few deep breaths before going to answer the door.

“Hello?”

“Midoriya!” Kirishima greets, and Izuku jumps at the sound of his voice. He’s quick to rake his eyes up and down him as if getting his heart broken is going to leave him with physical wounds. But he doesn’t even look upset- no frown, no red eyes, no sniffling. Maybe a little tense, but nothing out of the ordinary, and Izuku… doesn’t know what to do with a normal Kirishima just standing in his doorway. Nothing prepared him for this outcome. 

“Dude?” And Izuku jumps when Kirishima waves a hand in front of his face, asking, “You doing alright?”

“Y-yeah!” He yelps. “I- I’m fine! I’m totally fine. Are you fine? Do you want to come in?”

“Uh, I’m also doing fine, I guess?” Kirishima says slowly as he edges his way into the room. “Are you sure you’re good, bro?”

And Izuku catches himself before he lets out another string of reassurances. He takes a second to slap his hands to his cheek and just breathe. He can feel Kirishima’s eyes on him as he does, but he stays quiet and lets Izuku calm himself down. 

When his heart rate is closer to something normal, and he’s mostly confident that he’ll be able to string a sentence together in a sane way, he opens his eyes and says, “I’m good.”

“Sweet,” Kirishima says with a small smile. “Is it okay if I chill here awhile?”

“Of course,” Izuku says, and he goes to sit on his bed with Kirishima following close behind. Izuku kinda expects things to go differently, for there to be a little more space, but Kirishima curls up next to him, completely unphased. It gives him anxiety. “Um, do you want to watch something? We can finish that anime finally, or start that new hero documentary that came out last week, or-”

“Actually, uh, I was kinda wanting to talk to ya about something. If that’s okay?” He asks, voice nervous. 

And here it is. This is what Izuku was expecting when he saw Kirishima standing at the door. “Of course, Kirishima. You can talk to me about anything.”

“Yeah, I- I know,” and he meets Izuku’s eyes with a grateful smile. “So, uh, I talked with Bakugo earlier. We… I mean, I said- or, no-” Kirishima runs a rough hand through his spikes as he lets out a wordless groan. “Ugh, this was so much easier in my head!”

“Ah, it’s okay, Kirishima,” Izuku reassures him. He can imagine that rehashing this hurts, so he tries to help him out by asking, “Did you confess to him?”

“What!?” Kirishima shouts, jerking back and staring at Izuku with wide eyes. “No! That’s- no, I mean- you knew!?”

“Probably around the same time you noticed I liked Todoroki,” Izuku explains, and okay, maybe he could have been a bit more tactful about that. 

Kirishima groans, tossing his head back. “Or course you did. Shit, I shoulda known, you don’t miss anything, do you?”

“Um, I’m sorry?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Kirishima sighs. “Shit. Uh, then yeah, I guess I kinda did. After you told me about how your feelings for Todoroki had changed, it got me thinking about mine. And what you said, y’know, about having to try to understand yourself and stuff, it really made me think about how I felt about him. Like I’ve been crushing on him since basically the moment I saw him, y’know?”

Izuku’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest at the words, but he reaches down and squeezes Kirishima’s hand in sympathy as he continues, “I was just starstruck or something. He was so badass and good looking, and it was so cool just getting to be his friend. And I don’t know, I just never wanted to push that boundary with him cause just getting to where we are now took work. Like I could never just do this,” and he gestures at the tangle of limbs the two of them are currently composed of. “Seriously. Like he would explode me out of the damn building for even thinking about it, and he lets me get away with way more shit than he does with the others.”

And Kirishima heaves out a huge sigh, resting his head against Izuku’s with a thunk. “So after talking with you, I just thought about what the point of it all was, y’know? Like yeah, Bakugo is handsome, and amazing, and all that, but liking him wasn’t even making me happy anymore cause it just felt hopeless and seeing him with other people sucked. And it’s dumb to keep liking someone that makes you feel like shit. Even, y’know, unintentionally.”

“You can’t control what you feel about a person, Kirishima,” Izuku says gently. The persistent ache in his chest from this conversation is a constant reminder for that. 

“Nah, I know. But I can control what I do about it, right? Like I can stop wasting time pining after him, and um, s-start thinking about other people, and uh…”

Izuku can’t see the look at Kirishima’s face from his position, but he takes a guess at what Kirishima left off, “And talk to him about it?”

“Huh? O-oh, yeah, I guess I never got around to telling you what I talked to him about,” Kirishima says with a strained laugh. 

“Hey,” and Izuku shifts slightly, turning his head up to try and catch Kirishima’s eye. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine- I, uh,” Kirishima squeezes Izuku’s hand tightly, and Izuku finally notices how slick they are. And, okay, it’s admittedly a little gross, but mainly Izuku just feels bad about how nervous this is making him. “I-it’s what I wanted to talk to you about in the first place. I just, uh... Gotta little derailed there. Um, okay... Shit.”

“Kirishima?” Kirishima’s face is… weird. It’s strained and sweaty, and Izuku really doesn’t know what to make of that. 

“I’m okay!” He yelps. He sits up quickly, and Izuku is left off-balance as Kirishima looks toward him with a frazzled sort of determination. “We talked about you!”

“What?” That’s the absolute last thing Izuku expected him to say, and the idea makes anxiety creep up his throat. “W-why?”

“Shit.” Kirishima slaps a hand to his face with a groan. His voice comes out muffled as he tries to explain, “That wasn’t what I meant to say.”

“So you didn’t talk about me?” 

“N-no, we did, but it wasn’t anything bad, Midoriya!” Somehow, that does little to make Izuku feel better. “Just- I needed to- damnit, I did this all wrong. Can, um, can I start over?”

“Sure,” Izuku says, curling his knees up toward himself. He has decided that he does not like where this conversation is going. 

“Okay. So Bakugo and I, we talked about a lot of things. I, uh, just really didn’t want to hide things from him or anyone anymore. So I told him a lot of what I just told you, I guess. That I liked him for awhile, and maybe I still do, j-just a little bit, but that I was, y’know, over it and moving on or whatever.”

That’s… not how Izuku expected their conversation to go, and he tries to keep up with what Kirishima is telling him. So there wasn’t a confession? Or there kind of was-

“And he didn’t explode me! So that was super cool of him. And we just talked about our friendship and stuff, and it was really, really good. He, um, told me about him and…” and Kirishima trails again, casting Izuku a nervous glance. 

“Todoroki talked to me about that today too,” Izuku reassures him, and he appreciates Kirishima being worried about him, even if it’s not needed. “...I’m really happy for them.”

“Oh, good,” he lets out in a relieved woosh. “I really didn’t want to put my foot in my mouth again. But yeah, he told me about the two of them, and that seemed really big. It actually meant a lot to me.”

“That is big,” Izuku says, a little stunned. He can’t imagine Kacchan being that vulnerable with anyone. Really, it’s a miracle him and Todoroki were able to become friends, let alone boyfriends.

“Right!?” Kirishima gushes. “So anyway, I was thinking that if we were being so open with each other anyway, then I could, um- I thought it would be a good idea to ask him about, uh… you.”

Kirishima finishes the sentence in a whisper, and Kirishima’s anxiety in talking about this is turning Izuku’s stomach. He pulls his legs in tighter to him, and asks, “But why me?”

“Oh, man. I’m not gonna lie, I kinda thought you would’ve figured this out by now and spare me the embarrassment,” Kirishima groans, running another hand through his head and dislodging even more of his spikes. 

“Um, that’s not really reassuring,” Izuku mumbles. He doesn’t want to be mean or anything, but he would really appreciate Kirishima just getting this over with.

“S-sorry! Yeah, you’re right, uh, okay. So I asked him about you because you two know each other pretty well, right? So it was either him or Uraraka, but I haven’t really talked with her much, so she was kinda my last resort.” Kirishima looks down and picks at Izuku’s bedspread as he rambles, “B-but Bakugo was cool about it! Or as cool as he could be. He still has a pretty short trigger when it comes to you, y’know? But he let me ask him about you, and us, and uh-”

“Kirishima," and Izuku doesn’t want to be exasperated with the boy nervously wringing his hands in front of him, but Izuku is currently wound tighter than a spring and is very close to snapping. “Just- why?”

“Because I like you!” Kirishima shouts, and it’s a good thing he keeps talking because Izuku’s brain seems to have just stopped. “I like you, and I didn’t know what kinda shot I had cause I’m no Todoroki, y’know? A-and you said you didn’t really like him anymore, but that didn’t mean you liked me, so I wanted to ask him if he thought I had a chance, is all! And this is so screwed up- I had a whole plan! It was gonna be a super manly confession, dude!”

Izuku can feel his mouth hanging open. His heart is beating fast, and his face is burning, and he can’t really feel his hands right now. Everything is just tingly and bright and there is no way any of this is happening right now, so Izuku asks, “Are you sure?”

Which is stupid- fuck.

But Kirishima is quick to lean forward, bringing his face close to Izuku’s. “Of course I’m sure! I’ve literally never been sure-er in my life, Midoriya. And you don’t have to say anything back or, I don’t know, do anything. I just wanted to tell you, y’know?”

Izuku is dying to ask why. Why him, when Kirishima could be with- well, Izuku doesn’t know who Kirishima should be with, but it obviously doesn’t need to be him. 

And the question is on the tip of his tongue, but Izuku has enough sense to know that he shouldn’t ask it. So he takes a big breath in, buries his face in his knees, and tries not to cry. Kirishima makes a worried noise, so Izuku holds up a finger because he just needs a minute. Just some time to process.

Kirishima likes him. 

The thought is… overwhelming, to say the least. It’s something Izuku has never once considered; he’s never even entertained the thought of Kirishima ever liking him as more than a friend. So it’s a hard piece of information to try and accept into his preconceived world. 

But Izuku wants to try, at least. Because Kirishima would never lie to him about this, would never do something like this to hurt him or make fun of him, which means that he must be telling the truth, no matter how unimaginable that truth might seem right now. 

So Izuku starts by just relaxing. He loosens the tension in muscles, and breaths, and repeats to himself that Kirishima likes him. 

And now that Izuku isn’t quite the ball of defensive anxiety that he was before that thought is… nice. Amazing. Still unbelievable, but it’s true because Kirishima said it and he meant it.  

Kirishima likes him, and Izuku likes Kirishima, and the fact that those two realities exist at the same time is just… wow. 

Izuku feels everything inside him go soft and melty, and he presses a smile against his knees as tears prick at his eyes. 

They like each other. 

Izuku doesn’t know what happens next, but he needs to tell Kirishima his feelings now, so he pops his head up, tears slipping free, as he croaks out, “I like you too.”

Kirishima freezes in place. Izuku watches as his eyes go wide, and his face floods with color, and he finally looks up at Izuku. His voice cracks as he asks, “Seriously?”

And Izuku laughs loudly and more than a little hysterically at that. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he gasps out between giggles. “Of course, I like you! I’ve liked you for weeks, Kirishima.”

“Dude!” Kirishima cries out as he lunges toward Izuku. “Holy shit, I’ve liked you for weeks!” He starts laughing as he pulls Izuku up against him, and Izuku is happy to go along with him, giggling as he squishes him into his broad chest. 

Izuku feels the bubbly sort of happiness that makes him feel like he could float off to the sky if he’s not careful. 

“Um, okay, so I know I just said that you don’t have to do anything,” Kirishima starts with a nervous laugh. Izuku squeezes at the arms wrapped tight around him, and Kirishima continues in a rush, “But do you wanna date? Or no- I did that wrong, that was super unmanly.”

Izuku laughs again as Kirishima shifts him around so that they can look at each other. “What? Kirishima- that was fine! Of course, I-”

“No!” Kirishima cries, throwing a hand over Izuku’s mouth with a laugh of his own. “No, I gotta do this right!”

Kirishima tries to smother his own giggles and settle his face into something at least semi-serious, but the best he can manage is a wobbly, close-lipped smile that makes Izuku’s insides go squishy. 

Kirishima clears his throat purposefully, and says in what must be his most serious voice, “Midoriya Izuku. I like you. A lot. A-and you like me back, which is the best,” Kirishima breaks character to send a beaming smile his way, and Izuku is hopelessly smitten. “So I would be honored if you would be my boyfriend. Do you, uh- do you accept?”

“I graciously accept your offer, Kirishima Eijirou,” Izuku solemnly states- or at least tries to, but he’s sure his smile is too big to be taken as anything close serious. But it still makes Kirishima cheer as he throws his arms back around him, toppling the two of them back against the bed. 

Both of them are giggling and gasping in each others’ air as they settle next to each other, face-to-face. Kirishima’s face is red and his smile is soft as he moves a gentle hand up to Izuku’s face, asking, “Can I?”

The question is barely out of his mouth by the time that Izuku is surging up to press his lips against his. It’s… not great, as far as technique goes. They’re both smiling too much to get any real traction, but it’s sweet, and it’s practically impossible for Izuku to stop smiling right now anyway.

---

It’s late, but everyone one is still up and in high spirits with the cultural festival on the horizon. Mina has been working the dance team half to death, but Izuku is fairly confident that he’s on rhythm for at least half of the song now. So it kind of makes the sweat and sore muscles worth it as Izuku collapses back against the couch with a groan. 

He gets the breath knocked out of him in the next second as Kirishima plops down on his lap with a grin, which Izuku is now taking with grace instead of turning into the stuttering mess that he did at first. Unsurprisingly, Kirishima is gracious with his displays of affection, and he has absolutely no issue doing it in front of the others. Izuku didn’t have any intentions of hiding their relationship, but it would have been impossible with Kirishima’s general exuberance for appreciating Izuku in front of all their friends. 

Which is… nice . Amazingly, wonderfully, nice. A little embarrassing sometimes, sure, but it never fails to make Izuku blush and his insides to go melty with affection. 

“Looking good out there, babe!” Kirishima plants a wet kiss on his cheek, and Izuku laughs at the gross sound it makes. “You only tripped three times that go-through!”

“Thanks,” Izuku smiles, slipping his arms around Kirishima to pull him more firmly against him. “How’s the stage planning going?”

“Sick, dude!” Kirishima cheers. “Team Snowman is killing it, actually. For being as frilly as he is, Aoyama is surprisingly durable.”

Izuku laughs even as he sends up a short prayer for Aoyama’s stomach. Izuku’s jaw cracks as he yawns widely the next moment, and Kirishima coos and squishes his cheeks.

“Aw, are you tired? Do you wanna go to bed?”

Izuku hums his agreement, lolling his head against Kirishima’s shoulder. “Your room or mine?”