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Purgatory leaves a lasting imprint no matter who you are. For Dean Winchester, though, it's imprint haunts him dreams. Or nightmares, rather. Although, in his case the nightmares are more like flashbacks to the reality he had once lived. Fighting, running, killing, bleeding. But the clearest memory, the one that ran always ran through his mind, leaving.
His farewell was frantic; the seam closing behind him, Benny pulsing through his forearm, and Castiel, who Dean couldn't hold on to for some goddamned reason. Not tight enough. Not strong enough. Not enough-
Dean's eyes snap open. His hands balled up into fists and a bead of sweat running down the side of his face. But, this was something Dean had unfortunately gotten accustomed to in the months he'd been topside.
He sighed and looked over at the clock; 4:38 a.m. He managed for about an hour longer than the previous night. And that's win in his playbook. Not that the bar is super high, with Kevin still being M.I.A. and cases being few and far between, Dean needed a bright side wherever he could find one.
He flung his legs over the edge of the bed and slouched, his head in his hands. He looked around his and Sam's latest motel room. The moon peered in through the curtains, illuminating the empty beer bottles, flung open books, and half-eaten cheeseburger on the table. Dean looked over at Sam, who looked peaceful and at ease, a state he's almost never in while he's awake. Dean looked away, a sense of guilt rising in the pit of his stomach. He glanced down at the foot of his bed and saw an unmistakable figure; Castiel.
The moon shifted ever so slightly, lighting up Castiel up just enough to see his face. It was covered in dirt from his newly grown scruff to his forehead. Yet somehow his blue eyes still pierced through it all. But before Dean had time to say anything, a cloud moved over the moon and Castiel was gone.
"Cas..." Dean let out, weakly. Sam shifted in his bed. Dean rubbed his eyes before getting up to go the bathroom. He washed his face in cold water, but it didn't make him feel any less tired or overwhelmed. This wasn't the first time he had seen Castiel, yet Dean still didn't know how to cope with the flood of emotions that always accompanied the visions of his... friend. That's the word Dean goes with. His friend. Who he routinely sees visions of after something traumatic happened to said friend. Which is normal and definitely something that would happen to other people in their regular platonic friendships.
Dean stares at himself in the mirror, his hands grabbing the edge of the sink. It is not the time to be having this little crisis of his. He tilts his head back and sighs before going back into the main room. The clock glares at him in bright red, 5:17 a.m. How long was he in the bathroom? Doesn't matter now. But at least five a.m. is an acceptable time to awake. So, Dean hops onto their laptop and starts browsing for cases.
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"So, wanna tell me why you were up at four in the morning? Again?" Sam looked up at Dean from behind the laptop.
"None of your freaking business, just tell me about the case," Dean took a drink of his beer.
"C'mon Dean, you don't think I've noticed you getting up in the middle of the night? I'm not exactly a heavy sleeper, you know."
"I guess I'll just read it myself," Dean turned the laptop around and skimmed over the web page. "So, a family moves in to this house in..."
"What? What it is?"
"Into the ranch where Cas first showed up."
"Okay and? I'm sure that place is crawling with monsters."
"Yeah, yeah, no , you're right. So, the family was a husband, wife, and two adult children-"
"So what? Seems pretty normal to me."
"Hold on, would ya? So, after they move in they start having guests over. Your usual neighborhood get-to-know-each-other type thing, but the guests were never seen leaving the house."
"What're you thinking? Vampires?"
"That'd be my best guess."
"Well then let's check it out," Sam got up and started packing up the room. Dean stayed at the table, staring at the small image of the barn on the screen.
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Dean parks the Impala on the shoulder outside of the property after their FBI investigation in town. Sam looks at it through his binoculars.
"See anything suspicious?" Dean squints.
"Not a thing, just a couple cars parked out front," Sam turns the dial on the binoculars. "Wait, didn't you say that people would show up and never leave?"
"Yeah, that's the gist of it. Why?"
"Well, that would mean they'd have a lot of abandoned cars, right?"
"Makes sense, yeah."
"Where are they?"
"Could've parked a couple in the barn, it's big enough. How many neighbors live around here anyways?"
"Enough to feed a nest of vampires, I guess," Sam put his binoculars down.
"So, what? We come back when there's some daylight and-"
A figure starts approaching the car. Dean reaches to the back for his machete and pulls it next to him. Sam, already out of the car and armed, starts walking toward the figure. Dean gets out, his weapon concealed by his jacket.
"Hey there," a man's voice calls out. "Are you two lost or something?"
"Or something," Sam coughs out.
"Well why don't you two come inside and I can give you directions-" the man stops and stares at the two of them. "Hunters." His mouth opnes wide and fangs quickly slide over his teeth. "We were all starting to get hungry again anyways. Already bled the last neighbor dry." He let out a vicious laugh before lunging at them. Sam dodged the vampire and Dean punched him across the face.
Another vampire came down the driveway while the other two emerged from the house. It didn't take them long to reach the road but by then Dean was holding down the first vamp while Sam cut his head off.
"Ah, the Winchester boys," the wife purred. "What an honor it will be to feast on you two." All three of the vampires bared their teeth and ran at them to fight. Sam kicked the son and sliced the daughter's arm while Dean punched the wife swung at her, narrowly missing her head with his blade. She then hit him in the nose and kicked him in the stomach. Dean's machete clattered against the ground and he got another punch to the face. Sam gained little headway with the siblings, only able to dodge their punches but able to return any. This nest may have been small, but they were strong.
But not strong enough.
Sam kicked out at the son, hitting him in the stomach and aking him fall to his knees. Sam stepped to the side, punched the daughter to keep her away from him, and quickly beheaded the son. Dean grabbed his machete and headbutted the wife who was standing over him. She stepped backwards and Dean kicked her in the stomach before punching her in the side of the head.
He started to swing his machete at her but then she said, "This place is special to you, right? It's where your dear angel came down to earth for the first time." Dean's eyes widen. "Where's that angel of yours now?"
Dean lapses into the memory of Castiel's grand entrance all those years ago; the lights shattering, his wings spread over the walls of the barn. Only for it to be cut short by the one of Cas slipping away in purgatory, his hand slowly sliding out of Dean's. He looks off to the barn, and there, once again, is Castiel. Watching him form a distance.
The vampire takes quick action, uppercutting Dean and kicking him in the chest. Dean crashes against the hood of the Impala, but before the vampire can seize her moment, her head and body fall sideways revealing Sam, panting, behind them.
Dean gets up and looks at the corpses around them, glancing at the barn but only to find it's the only thing standing there. Sam looks quizzically at Dean before sighing and getting in the car. Dean wipes off the blood from his machete on his jacket and clears up a spot of blood on the hood. He gets inside, turns it on, and they drive in silence.
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It's 11 p.m. when they get to the motel, although it feels much later. The adrenaline rush has worn off and the unspoken words clog the air around them.
"I'm gonna take a shower," Dean signals towards the bathroom.
"Alright, don't take too long. You're not the only one covered in vamp blood."
"Yeah, yeah." Dean closes the door behind him. He steps inside and watches the red roll off him and onto the white tiles. He scrubs at his arms, his mind jumping from washing the blood off his hands in a lake and letting Cas slip away at the seam. The red becomes darker as he scratches away his own skin. Dean closes his eyes and turns off the water. He steps out and gets dressed, laying a washcloth over each arm. Dean once again finds himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, but when he looks up this time he sees Cas in the background. But when he turns around, all he finds is the bathroom wall. And he stares at it. He stares bullets into the tile, wishing he didn't face emptiness every time he turned around. Dean's eyes start to water, a combination of not blinking and his feelings overwhelming his thoughts. Tears run down his cheeks and Dean slides onto the floor. He stares at the wall, angry but most of all disappointed. Disappointed Cas wasn't there. Again. His imagination kept playing this cruel trick on him and all Dean wanted was for it to be real for once. For him to be able to have this one thing. For this to be his win. His tears turn into quiet sobs as Dean's lip waivers. He touches his forehead to his knee, letting the sobs wrack his body.
Sam knocks on the door, "Hey, you alright in there?"
Dean takes a deep breath, but his voice still breaks, "I'm fine."
"Wait Dean, are you... Are you crying? Dean can I-" Sam opens the door and looks down at his older brother, who despite being over 6' could not have looked smaller. Sam sat down next to him. "What happened? Was it the hunt, I mean I know things are different but-"
"No, Sam, it wasn't the hunt. Not in the way you're thinking." Dean couldn't look Sam in the eye, and instead fixated on the wall.
"Well, Dean, I can't read your-"
"It was Cas, okay? I saw him."
"Cas? But isn't he in-"
"Not real Cas... I... I keep seeing him. I saw him at the foot of my bed, during the hunt, along the road.... I can't escape it." Sam stayed silent. "He almost made it, too. Coulda been topside with me, but I just... I could've pulled him out I don't know why I couldn't... why I didn't..."
"What do you mean, you could have pulled him out?"
"He slipped out of my grip when I got out of purgatory. I was free but he was still trapped inside."
"So he's still alive the, right?"
"I don't know, I hope so..." Dean finally looked over at Sam, tears welling up in his eyes again, "Sam... I... I love him... Who coulda known, right?" He chuckled and a tear ran down his cheek.
Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and hugged him. They stayed like that for a while, until Dean had no tears left to cry and Sam was too tired to stay on the bathroom floor.
"Thank you for telling me," Sam whispered as they got into their beds. Dean nodded but didn't say a thing.
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That night Dean didn't have any nightmares. in fact, he didn't dream at all. He just woke up the next morning to the sun beaming in through the curtains. Sam had gone out for a run and left breakfast burritos on the table. Dean half smiled and got up to go to the bathroom. He stared once more at his reflection before turning away. No need to repeat last night's incident. He opened up the door and there stood Castiel. Not a vision of Castiel, but the true angel of the lord, Castiel.
"C- Cas?" Dean's voice waivered.
"Hello, Dean."
"You're really here?"
"Yes, it's me. I-" Before Cas could finish Dean clutched his arms around him. Castiel nervously returned the gesture.
Dean pulled away, keeping his hand on Cas's shoulder, "But how? Not that I'm complaining but I thought that seam was the only way outta there."
"I don't know. I don't remeber how I got here, on Earth. All I know I wound up on an old road and felt a sort of ache coming from this area."
"An... an ache?"
"Yes. Angels can feel longing, it's one of the strongest human emotions. I followed it here." Cas looked around the motel room, oblivious to Dean's blushing.
"Well, as long as you're back. That's all that matters." Dean felt his eyes go soft, but he had more control today.
Castiel smiled at Dean, "Yes." His smile dropped, "I'm dirty. I think I'll clean up."
Dean stepped out of his way as Cas went into the bathroom. He grabbed a breakfast burrito and leaned against the table. Castiel reemerged moments later, looking as clean as the day they first met.
"So? How do I look?" Cas smirked as he turned from side to side.
"Good, uh, you look good." Dean smiled, a blush rising in his cheeks.
"There it is again."
"There's what again?" Dean chuckled nervously.
"The ache, the longing." Cas tilted his head, looking right into Dean's eyes. "It's coming from... you?"
"I... uh... I missed you while you were in purgatory that's all. I mean, I thought you were dead, you know?"
"Dean," Cas walked closer to him.
Dean went quiet. "How long have you been able to feel the, uh, longing?"
"Ever since I first left that barn when we first met. But at that point I thought it was part of being on Earth. It wasn't until last night I knew why I was sensing it so strongly."
"Last night?"
"Yes, it was incredibly strong. And I think I know why."
"Look Cas, I'm-"
Cas looked Dean up and down. When his eyes met Dean's again they said, "May I?" While Dean's eyes screamed, "Please."
Cas grabbed Dean's face and kissed him, "I missed you too, Dean."
Castiel smirked and stepped back, but Dean pulled him in for another kiss, "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that."
"Oh, I think I know."