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Richie ran his fingertips against the soft yet jagged wood of the kissing bridge, across the valleys of carved initials and hearts covering the criss-crossing wooden structure, allowing his ears to focus on the monotony of his own pacing footsteps and the sounds of the forest at night. The wind rustling the leaves of the trees, the bugs and squirrels and other wildlife that lived in their small Maine town, and occasionally the cars on the distant road with engines humming against the natural sounds in the night. It was all a blur in his mind, his thoughts loud enough to drown out most of the background noise.
It was extremely uncharacteristic of him to stay silent for so long, Richie knew, but he had no clue what he would say if he opened his mouth. If he started talking, his motormouth would keep going until he had no secrets left and the thought terrified him. Richie knew that Eddie had to be concerned by the lack of jokes and half-baked impressions; he always noticed it when they were in the group and it was impossible to ignore when it was just the two of them. He chanced a look over to Eddie, finding him where he had been two minutes ago when Richie had last checked. Sat with his legs crossed on the opposite side of the bridge, back leaning against the railing. Eddie’s eyes followed Richie as he walked up and down the bridge, though he didn’t make a move to speak and fill the air with questions that Richie wasn’t ready to answer, something Richie was eternally grateful for.
Richie paused in the center of the bridge and leaned his head over the railing, one hand on his glasses to keep them from slipping off his nose and onto the dirt below. He felt footsteps shake the boards beneath his feet slightly, and soon Eddie was stood next to him. Gently, he bumped his shoulder into Richie’s arm, a small encouragement for him to say what was on his mind. What he had called Eddie all the way out here to tell him. It was enough to send Richie’s heart into a frenzy.
Still, Richie stared at the layers of fallen leaves on the ground. Sometimes, his gaze shifted up far enough that he could see Eddie’s hands next to his on the bridge’s side but he never looked up farther. Richie stayed there for a few minutes more before turning around and sitting, patting the ground beside him as an invitation for Eddie to join him. A moment passed and Eddie was next to him again, close enough that their knees brushed against each other. Richie took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts, but his mind was a mess.
Eddie watched him intently, and Richie almost felt bad for distractedly thinking about how attractive he looked at that moment. The nearby streetlights illuminated them, making Eddie easy to see. His hair was messy from the wind, and the remnants of his freckles from that summer lay sprinkled across his face. He was wearing a polo underneath Richie’s jean jacket. The jacket was adorably oversized on him, and Richie tried not to let his face heat up at the thought of how domestic it was to hand over his coat and the slightest sign of Eddie being cold, or at the memory of Eddie’s smile when he accepted. Now, his smile was soft and Richie promised himself that he would never forget it.
Eddie, quite honestly, had become Richie’s entire world over the past few years. Every joke was to make him laugh, every exaggerated voice and impression. At night, Richie was kept up thinking about him, about how they teased each other and how so many of the things Richie said to him were secretly led by his feelings. He would call Eddie cute, pinching his cheeks and hugging him tightly ‘in the name of the bit’, when it was really all an excuse to get closer to the boy of his dreams.
Richie snapped out of it when he felt a tap on his leg. He met Eddie’s gaze, watching as Eddie opened his mouth slightly in a small ‘o’ shape before hesitating with a quiet sigh. He placed a hand on Richie’s shoulder and squeezed gently before finally making up his mind on what he would say.
“Richie, are you okay?” Eddie asked, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re really quiet, and you’re getting lost in thought a lot more than you usually do.”
More silence followed as Richie’s brows furrowed, trying to think up a clever response, some joke to alleviate the tension like he always did. Another look at Eddie’s concern-etched features and Richie’s resolve melted away. He couldn’t lie right now, not when the entire point of asking Eddie to come to the kissing bridge with him was to finally tell the truth. Richie shifted his gaze yet again, now focusing on the sky. Looking at Eddie, as perfect as it normally was, merely reminded him of what he had to lose if this went wrong.
“Yeah, I just… I have to tell you something, but I don’t know how,” Richie sighed, pushing his glasses onto his forehead so he could easily rub his palms on his temples. His rare moments of honesty were always unusually tiring.
“You can tell me anything, you know. I promise that I’ll try my best to understand, no matter what it is,” Eddie said.
For a brief moment, neither said or did anything. Then, Eddie’s hand found its way to Richie’s. He intertwined their fingers, gently caressing Richie’s thumb. It was a soft, genuine touch and Richie had a hard time not thinking about what it could possibly mean. He struggled to shut down the thoughts swirling in his head, the ‘what if he likes me back’ that he found himself with so often .
“I know, I just want to get this right. It’s kind of a lot,” Richie replied, shifting to look at Eddie. His head was leaned back, the night sky reflected in his calm doe eyes. “Like the amount of inches in my-”
Richie stopped when Eddie batted at his arm with his free hand, replacing the final word in his sentence with a (surprisingly) easy laugh.
“You deserved that. But don’t worry, you can take your time. I’ll be here as long as you need me to be,” Eddie said comfortingly.
“Thanks,” Richie said.
His focus stayed on the feeling of Eddie’s hand in his. It was grounding and allowed him to order his thoughts, writing down everything he needed to say on a short mental checklist. He thought it over a few times, making sure he didn’t miss anything, before preparing himself to say it all.
For a brief moment, images of Bowers and his gang flashed in Richie’s mind. Snippets of what they said and did, the threats and slurs and comments. But Eddie wasn’t like them, and it pained Richie that he even had to remind himself of that. Eddie was his best friend, and his hand was still in Richie’s, which had to be a good sign. Richie pushed down the nausea rising in him, evening out his breathing.
“Okay. Okay, I got this,” Richie laughed nervously, holding onto Eddie a bit tighter. Eddie returned the gesture quickly, and that gave Richie a sudden burst of confidence. “Eds, I’m gay.”
Richie looked over to Eddie to gauge his reaction, no matter how much it scared him. Honestly, he had no clue how he had managed to say it without panicking and stuttering and turning it into one big joke, Tozier-style. The contact he had with Eddie was comforting as ever in those moments, and it wasn’t long before a tender smile made its way onto Eddie’s lips.
“Good for you, Rich,” Eddie said, a small laugh in his voice. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me. And, honestly, me too.”
Richie looked at Eddie, confused. When Eddie caught his look, he started to laugh harder.
“Richie, I’m gay too,” Eddie clarified between waves of giggles. “You look like a lost puppy.”
Richie stared at him for a while longer before it finally hit him.
“I was gonna say more, but now-” Richie started.
“No, continue. I’m the one that stole your moment,” Eddie interrupted him. “You’re the one that called me here, and I’ll be damned if I don’t listen to everything you have to say.”
“Stubborn little bastard,” Richie teased. Eddie stuck out his tongue. “Um, so… God, my plan was to pour my heart out and now I can barely think.”
“Hey, I already told you that you can take your time. Don’t pressure yourself too much, Rich,” Eddie said, falling back into an easy silence.
“I think I’m in love with you,” Richie said. It slipped from his mouth before he had a chance to think about it. It felt so good to finally say and it felt right on his tongue, but the reality of what he had just confessed started to sink in fast. That single sentence had such a huge effect on him. One moment, he was elated and the next it was all crashing down on him. He might have just changed everything, and he couldn’t take it back. He felt his hands begin to shake as all of his muscles tensed. His eyes began to sting with the threat of oncoming tears and-
“Really?” Eddie asked. It was quiet, so quiet that Richie almost didn’t hear it over the rushing in his ears. He didn’t sound upset, though. No disgust or anger or disappointment in sight. If Richie really let himself dream, he could almost hear hope in the word.
“Really, Eds.” Then, quietly, “I know I said that I think I am, but I know I am. I’ve known that I love you since we were, like, eleven.” Quickly, he realized that Eddie was still stroking his thumb and something in him came to a realization. That no matter what, it was going to be okay. That Eddie didn’t hate him out of nowhere, like some parts of his brain tried to convince him he would. And then, Eddie spoke again;
“I’m in love with you too, Rich,” Eddie sighed. Richie’s head snapped over to look at him. There was a big smile on Eddie’s face, one that reached his eyes and spoke a thousand words. Richie began to laugh, his relieved mind seemingly unsure of what else he could do. He laughed and laughed and eventually, he leaned into Eddie, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Eddie’s arms wrapped around him, and Richie felt warm and safe as giggles continued to make their way throughout his body.
As time passed and the two sat there in their embrace, Richie calmed down and slowly quieted, a big dopey grin remaining on his face. He felt as Eddie’s chest rose and fell and as Eddie moved his hand to run it through Richie’s hair. He sighed, contented.
“Richie?” Eddie asked. Richie hummed, shifting to look up at him. There was blush dusted across his cheeks and a wrinkle between his brows. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”
Richie slapped a hand over his mouth to suppress whatever squeal attempted to make its way out of his throat. He shot back and stared at Eddie with wide eyes. Just as Eddie began to look worried and almost went to take back what he had said, Richie cleared his throat so aggressively that he nearly sent himself into a coughing fit and nodded.
“Yes. Oh my god. Shit, yes, you can kiss me. Holy fuck, this feels like a dream,” Richie stumbled through his words, snapping his mouth closed when Eddie cupped his face in his hands. Nearly immediately, Richie melted into the touch. He unconsciously placed his own hands on top of Eddie’s.
“You dream about me?” Eddie asked teasingly.
“Of course I do, Kaspbrak, have you seen yourself?” Richie replied.
Eddie beamed at him like Richie hung the stars in the sky, blush quickly settling even heavier on his cheeks, and began to lean in. Richie moved forward too until he and Eddie made contact. Their lips brushed together briefly before Richie erupted into giggles again, this time joined by Eddie. He touched their foreheads together, tangling his hands into Eddie’s hair.
“I love you. I love you so, so much it’s unreal, Eds,” Richie said.
“I love you too. I love everything about you, your dumb jokes and your stupid shirts, I love it all,” Eddie replied.
“Do you want to try to kiss again? I promise I won’t ruin it this time.”
“As if you could ruin anything by laughing,” Eddie sighed lightheartedly. “Yeah, I wanna kiss you again.”
This time, Richie took the lead. He adjusted his head and met Eddie’s lips, taking it slower than the first time. Their noses bumped together on occasion as they got used to the feeling of the other against them, and Richie pushed his glasses up and off of his face so they wouldn’t be in the way. When they finally separated, Richie smiled and flopped onto his side so that his head rested in Eddie’s lap.
“Nuisance,” Eddie mumbled playfully. Then, less boldly, he added, “What does this make us?”
“Boyfriends, if you want to be,” Richie replied, nerves creeping into his voice.
“I want nothing more than to be your boyfriend. You?”
“You know it, baby!” Richie exclaimed. “Wait, pet names, how do you feel about pet names?”
“I think I’m okay with pretty much anything, except for the shit my mom used to call me,” Eddie said with a hum, shaking his head at the mention of his mother. “Just, for the love of god, go easy on the spaghetti bullshit.”
“Awe, my Eddie Spaghetti! My Spagheds!”
“Literally shut the fuck up,” Eddie groaned, and he placed Richie’s glasses back on his nose and began to smooth his hair, face swiftly changing to one full of affection. Richie stared up at him, seeing him clearly for what felt like the first time. His boyfriend.
“So, you’re okay with like, sweetheart, babe, my love, all that lovey-dovey shit?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded, smiling. “Alrighty! I want you to know that I’m never giving up on Spaghetti, though. Eds too. They’re the originals.”
“You’ll have to listen to me complain for all of eternity then,” Eddie said, caressing Richie’s cheek before returning to his hair.
“I’m okay with that. I like your voice.”
Richie grinned when Eddie flushed deep red at the compliment, grumbling something unintelligible under his breath.
“How about you, pet name-wise?” Eddie spoke louder again.
“I’m cool with whatever you throw at me. You could call me your trash can for all I care. Well, maybe not that one, but you get the idea.”
Eddie held Richie a bit tighter, a comfortable silence falling over the couple. Richie began to gently hum some song that he didn’t fully register while Eddie looked deep in thought. He was still unbelievably pretty, but now even more so. It was like Richie saw him in a new light, one that somehow perfected the perfect. He wanted to kiss Eddie again, but he didn’t want to break whatever train of thought had him so entranced.
“We should probably talk more about boundaries, you know,” Eddie said, breaking the quiet. “It doesn’t have to be right now if you’re tired, but soon.”
“I think I’d fall apart from anxiety if we don’t set up the guidelines pretty quickly so it’s probably best to talk it out now,” Richie replied, grabbing one of Eddie’s hands and intertwining their fingers. “Like, I know that I’m definitely not anywhere near ready for sex, which is a bigger one. Stuff like that, I know we gotta talk about it.”
“Okay. We can go at our own pace, so neither of us have to do anything that makes us uncomfortable,” Eddie replied reassuringly. “Um, how do you feel about touching? Non-sexual touching, I mean.”
“I’m pretty okay with it. Everything you’ve done tonight, I’m comfy with.”
“Same here. How about in front of people? Like, the Losers, in public?”
“We’re already pretty affectionate in front of the Losers, but we might want to hold off on the more obvious things until we tell them. In public, just like in general, wouldn’t be a good idea given everything that Derry is, though.”
“Alright. Sounds like you put a lot of thought into this, huh,” Eddie said.
“Are you- are you making fun of me?” Richie asked incredulously.
“You’re the one that told me you’ve been in love with me since you were eleven, Rich,” Eddie smiled.
“God, I did, didn’t I?” Richie hid his face in his free hand, grinning when Eddie laughed.
“I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head for boundary talk,” Eddie said eventually.
“We’ll talk about stuff as we think of it. Feel free to bring it up anytime,” Richie said. Eddie nodded and readjusted his body, kissing Richie again. “There is something I want to show you, though.”
“Yeah? What is it?” Eddie asked.
Richie pulled back and stood, dragging Eddie next to him as he walked to the end of the bridge.
“There. Look at the initials,” Richie said, pointing to the railing.
His eyes were already glued to the spot, the faded ‘R + E’ in a heart, but Eddie needed a second to notice it. Richie knew the moment Eddie found it because he rushed forward and gestured to the carving, Richie nodding in confirmation. Eddie traced the letters gently, seemingly mesmerized by them. Soon he faced Richie, face full of questions but unsure how to ask them.
“I carved that when we were 13. Some stuff happened, and I really needed a way to express my feelings. So I carved our initials,” Richie explained. Eddie walked over to Richie and smiled.
“I love you,” Eddie said again.
“I love you too.”
Richie stood there for a moment, then he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders and nuzzled his face into Eddie’s hair. Eddie laughed and returned the embrace quickly, rubbing circles on Richie’s back. Richie breathed him in, trying to commit everything Eddie Kaspbrak to his memory like he had been for forever.
He felt warm and safe in the hug, enough so that he smiled so hard his face was starting to go numb. He knew that dating Eddie wouldn’t solve all of his problems, but now he had a weight lifted off his shoulders. He wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally spilling all of his feelings to Eddie, or Eddie catching him when he would subconsciously stare, or wonder what every touch meant even if he thought he was reading way too far into it. For now, he felt at home in Eddie’s arms.