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Rosebowl- before the concert
“Jungguk, the car will be here in ten minutes”. Soon after his reminder Jimin hears the noise of his boyfriend’s bare feet against the floor as he finds his way around their hotel room. Jimin smiles softly when he hears Jungguk sing the lyrics to his song ‘still with you’, already warming up his voice for the concert tonight. Jimin doesn’t mind, he loves Jungguk’s voice and he could listen to it all day. He hums along as he checks one last time that he has packed all he needs into his bag. Jungguk’s voice comes closer and closer until Jimin feels two strong arms curving around his waist from behind. Jungguk’s chest presses into his hyung’s back and a soft kiss is pressed against his neck:
“Ready, Jiminie?”
Jimin just leans back into the hug and rests his head back on Jungguk’s shoulder. His short fingers drawing invisibe patterns on the muscular arms that were made to hold him so perfectly:
“Always.”
He feels Jungguk smile against his neck as the younger confesses:
“I love it when you are confident and ready for the stage.”
Jimin feels how Jungguk leaves a bit of room in his embrace, and Jimin knows what he wants. He turns around so they are facing each other, Jungguk immediately pulling him close again.
“I love the stage, Junggukkie”, Jimin smiles. Jungguk smirks and mumbles under his breath:
“I know, I’ve seen you getting all hot and steamy more than once…”
Jimin leans his forehead on Jungguk’s shoulders and he laughs his sudden embarressment away. He knows he can get carried away sometimes by the moment when he loses himself to it. He feels Jungguk’s fingers in his hair and his voice in his ear as he reassures:
“Don’t be embarressed, I like you like that. Can’t keep my eyes off you when you are like that… takes my breath away, Jiminie.”
Jimin lifts his head to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. They just stare at each other for a while, comfortable in the gaze of the other. Jimin’s hands come up so he can cup Jungguk’s face, short thumbs slowly caressing bunny cheeks until a smile lights up the younger’s handsome face. Jimin feels a stir in his stomach, and he wonders how he can still feel this in-love after being together for so many years. Jimin knows Jungguk has always has the power to take his breath away, and the way he looks right now, with long locks over his forehead, thin but perfect, shiny, wet lips and big doe eyes, is doing exactly that. Jimin sighs:
“You’re handsome.”
Jungguk blushes, which only adds to the point. Jimin knows his own smile is one of those loved-up smiles where his eyes become crescent moons and he looks positively smitten. Jungguk leans forward and Jimin leans into the lips that are pressed against his own in a sweet and tender kiss. When they let go Jimin cannot help the words that just roll of hs tongue:
“Sometimes I wish we wouldn’t have to hide anything”.
Jimin’s eyes change from crescent moons into big and round pools of dark brown, the sadness of having to cover up something so beautiful clearly visible. His full lips in a small pout and Jungguk wishes he knew how to make it all better. But he doesn’t and instead he opts to state the truth:
“I know, Jiminie. But we can’t be selfish. If we come out it doesn’t only have an impact on us.”
Jimin nods, his hands roaming Jungguk’s chest until his right hand rests upon a steady heartbeat.
Jungguk leans forward and steals another kiss only to take the pout away. Then he promises:
“But please know that if it was just up to me I would shout it from the rooftops.”
His words have the effect he was hoping for. A perfect smile wipes sadness away, big eyes changing back into the half moons Jungguk loves so much. They hear the doorbell ring and know their car has arrived. But before Jimin moves away he whispers:
“If it was just up to me I would let you.”
Rosebowl- at the end of the concert
The concert went well and it is time to say their goodbyes to army. All seven of them are tired and emotional, happy that the concert was a success and they were able to do the best they could. But in equal measure they are also exhausted from hours of dancing and singing without reserve or proper breaks. Jimin has found a spot at the edge of the stage, shouting ‘I love you’s’ into the arena. The tone of Jimin’s voice tells Jungguk to move closer towards his boyfriend. The change may be subtle and most people won’t know it, but Jungguk can tell Jimin is close to tears. The moment he finds him, Jungguk curves his body around Jimin’s smaller frame. He makes sure he carries most of his own weight even though he leaves no space between them. As always, Jimin fits against him perfectly. Their bodies folding together as if they are two pieces of one puzzle. Jimin shouts another ‘I love you’, this time without mentioning army and Jungguk has a flashback to one of their midnight conversations, when they melted into each other while talking the night away.
(…memory…)
Jimin sighs, his breath ghosting over Jungguk’s chest.
“I know I say this a lot, but I wish we wouldn’t have to hide anymore, Gukkie.”
Jungguk leans forward and kisses Jimin’s forehead:
“I know…”
Jimin looks up, his lips so inviting that Jungguk cannot help but press his own against them in a deep and wet kiss. Jimin sighs into it and hums softly when he feels Jungguk sucking on his tongue. He can’t help the happy smile that covers his face, involuntary interrupting the kiss. But they don’t mind and instead they laugh as they cuddle even closer until Jungguk feels Jimin’s breath warm his ear:
“Can you keep a secret, Gukkie?”
“Of course… isn’t that what we are doing all day, every day?”
He feels a playful shove against his shoulder and then Jimin leans in again to confess his secret:
“Sometimes when I say ‘I love you’ to army, I am really saying it to you.”
Jungguk moves back so he can look at Jimin’s face that is covered in a soft blush.
“How do I know which one is for them and which one is for me?”, Jungguk asks, unable to hide his curiosity.
“The one for you is just ‘I love you’. When I say I love you to army I say ‘army’ or ‘guys’ or something like that”, Jimin explains.
Jungguk feels his whole body tingle and a warmth is spreading from his head to his toes. He replays several concerts in his mind and realises Jimin has proclaimed his love for him many, many times in front of thousands of fans. Jimin hides his face in Jungguk’s shoulder and says:
“Sorry, you must think I am weird…”
“Daengshin…”, Jungguk breathes with a voice heavy with emotion.
His hands find their way to Jimin’s face and curve around the squishy cheeks he loves so much:
“Saranghae, I can’t wait to hear you do that again…”
“Yeah…?’, Jimin breathes happily.
“Yeah… and I’ll say it back”, Jungguk promises.
Jimin moves closer until their faces are brushing against each other.
“Our secret”, Jimin mumbles.
“Our secret”, Jungguk echoes.
It hurts as much as it is beautiful. They both know it, no need to waste any more words on it, so they don’t. Instead Jimin presses forward, until Jungguk is on his back and he can climb on top of him. Jimin sits up, his legs straddling his lover, as he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on the floor. His eyes have changed again. This time they seem almost black and the pupils are dilated with passion for the man underneath him.
“Let me show you how much I love you”, Jimin whispers as his hands curve around two strong biceps. Jungguk doesn’t object as he allows Jimin to take control, to dictate the pace as they slowly drown in each other. He is held captive between strong thighs, unable to stop the shivers down his spine as his body is touched by soft fingers and even softer lips. Jungguk doesn’t know whether to close his eyes and allow himself to get lost in the feeling or whether to keep his eyes open so he can watch Jimin worship every inch of his body. Jungguk’s hands have found their place against Jimin’s perfect round bum, and he doesn’t even realise he is squeezing the supple flesh in a slow sensual rhythm. Jimin takes his time as he rediscovers every inch of the man who has held his heart since they first met. After a while Jimin is no longer kissing Jungguk’s skin. Instead he has moved on to just licking it, leaving wet trails and goosebumps wherever he goes. Jungguk tilts his head to allow his hyung more space as a warm tongue finds its way over his neck and his jawline, until Jimin’s hot breath warms his ear.
“Saranghae”, Jimin whispers. Not once, not twice, but over and over and over again, as if he wants to imprint it in Jungguk’s brain. Jimin knows he needs a million of them. And that will only be enough to make Jungguk understand a little bit of how much he owns Jimin’s heart.
(…)
At the edge of the stage, with Jungguk draped around him like a safety banket, Jimin keeps shouting his ‘I love you’s’ into his yellow microfoon, and Jungguk feels it in his stomach every time he says it without any mention to army. Jungguk decides to join in and doesn’t hold back. The moment he shouts an ‘I love you’ into the arena, he feels the change in Jimin. Their bodies so close that every movement from the man he loves and that is tucked underneath him cannot slip his notice. Jungguk’s chest is flush against Jimin’s back and he can feel the first sobs go through the older’s small frame. Jungguk curves himself in such a way that he can look at Jimin from the side, with his lips against Jimin’s ear.
“Saranghae, Jiminie”, Jungguk says without the use of his microfoon to make sure only Jimin can hear him. It is just meant for him anyway. Jimin’s hand covers most of his face as if he wants to hide behind something. But he does reply into his microfoon:
“I love you,” his voice a bit thinner than before, emotions closing his throat.
Jungguk knows the words are meant for him and he cannot stop himself from replying in the same way. His voice loud and clear through the arena:
“I love you.”
Jungguk curves his hand around Jimin’s forehead as he tries to wrap the smaller man up even more. The love he feels is overwhelming and for just a moment Jungguk forgets all about the arena, the people, and the fact that they are on stage in front of everyone. Jungguk forgets all about having to be careful and hide his true feelings under a cloak of fanservice and skinship. He just follows his heart. He leans forward and catches Jimin’s ear between his lips. He sucks it the way he knows Jimin likes it and then he pulls back with a soft pop. There is no-one but them, everything else fades into background noise. He takes in Jimin’s teary eyes and the way he curves into the touch almost as if he wants to hide into Jungguk. One more time Jungguk leans in to leave a kiss on Jimin’s ear. That is when he comes back to the here and now, realising what he is doing. He knows he should just move it along, no time to think about it now. So he shouts into his microfoon:
“Don’t cry, Jimin.”
Jungguk stands up and puts his hands under Jimins arms, pulling him up onto his feet. They don’t look at each other, but Jungguk holds onto his boyfriend until they are standing side by side on the stage elevator that will take them out of sight of army. As the elevator slowly moves down Jungguk knows this is not the last thing he has heard about it. He glances at Jimin, who doesn’t look his way and instead busies himself with wiping away the tears from his face. Jungguk reaches out the moment their hands are out of sight from the watchfull eyes of army and too many camera’s. From the way Jimin squeezes his hand Jungguk knows he is not alone in this situation. Jungguk takes a deep breath and decides he doesn’t regret it and he never will. He just followed his heart. As he steps of the elevator, still holding on to a small, sweaty hand that was meant to fit into his, Jungguk decides they will face whatever is coming their way. No regrets.
Rosebowl- after the concert
They are summoned to the manager’s office almost immediately. Without saying a word or looking at each other they find their way there. Sejin points at two chairs in front of his desk and once they are both seated he asks with a hidden sigh:
“What was that…”
The silence is tense and Jungguk knows he is probably the one who should explain. He was the one acting, Jimin was just at the receiving end of it. Jungguk clears his throat, determined to say something, but nothing comes to mind. He knows he cannot explain this as skinship or fanservice, because what he just did went way beyond that.
“I’m waiting…”, Sejin reminds him.
Jungguk takes another deep breath and tries again to put his thoughts into sentences that he can say out loud. Jimin must realise his struggle as he shuffles in his chair and then explains softly:
“I was just a bit emotional because we had to say goodbye to army. I had such a good time on stage tonight.”
Sejin nods and leans forward, resting his elbows on his desk:
“That part I understand, and I don’t have a problem with you being emotional, Jimin.”
His eyes move to Jungguk:
“I do have a problem with the way you felt you had to deal with it.”
Jungguk realises that the tone in Sejin’s voice makes him feel small. He feels his heart pounding as a sudden flare of anger simmers in the pit of his stomach. Was it wrong that he just wanted to comfort the person he loves with al his heart? Was it wrong that he just did what felt natural? Would this be as big of a deal if Jimin was a girl? Jungguk still hasn’t replied yet, thoughts running through his mind at a speed that leaves him unable to make sense of it all. Sejin sighs deeply and leans back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap as he looks at Jungguk:
“I don’t know what it is you think you were doing out there on stage. You are on very thin ice, Jungguk. Can I have your word that you will never do anything like that again?”
“No, you can’t”, Jungguk is not sure where the answer came from, but he does know he cannot make such a promise. If Jimin needs him again at any point in the future, he will be there and do whatever is needed. So Jungguk knows he cannot give his word that he will never do anything like this again, because if the moment arises he won’t hesitate to take care of his man.
Sejin raises his eyebrows and Jungguk sees in the corner of his eyes how Jimin has turned to him with shock written all over his face. Jungguk doesn’t look away from Sejin’ eyes though, not even when his manager asks with disbelieve:
“Come again?”
Jungguk swallows. He knows he will have to explain himself. His reply must have sounded rude. But Jungguk knows his intentions were right and he is allowed to stand up for them. He just wishes he was good with words.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that”, he sighs helplessly.
“Then what did you mean for it to sound like? You get one more chance, Jungguk. Think about it carefully.”
Jungguk knows Sejin is not impressed with his attitude. He can hear it in his voice. Jungguk also knows that Jimin wants his attention, so for just a moment he looks to the side. His eyes falling straight into dark pools of chocolate brown that show nothing but unconditional love and care. Jungguk feels the squeeze of short fingers around his wrist and strengthened by Jimin’s support he takes a deep breath.
“I will try to explain what happened, sir. I understand you must be shocked because what I did wasn’t fanservice or anything. I just… I just… Jimin was almost crying and I hate it when he cries, so I just wanted to make him feel better,” Jungguk rambles.
“By sucking his ear?”
Jungguk cannot hide the blush that covers his cheeks. His make-up no longer in a position to cover it up. The words describing the moment sound almost crude. It doesn’t fit with the beautiful butterflies Jungguk feels in his stomach when he remembers it. But at the same time, he cannot deny it. Sucking Jimin’s ear is exactly what he did:
“Yeah…”
“And what makes you think that is an approriate way to make him feel better in front of the whole world?”, Sejin asks with sarcasm dripping off of every word. Jungguk knows he has an answer to this, he can explain it in detail. He wonders if his cheeks are actually burning when he remembers the sweet moment when he got to know this little snippet of knowledge about the man he loves so much.
(…memory…)
“You did great, Jimin.”
No response. The silence is tense and Jimin seems unreachable. Jungguk wishes he knew what to do to connect to Jimin’s heart and help him relax. The concert finished four hours ago and they went through their ‘after concert routine’ without much conversation. But they don’t need words to understand each other and Jungguk knows Jimin is upset because his voice cracked once. Most people probably didn’t even hear it, but Jungguk knows one mistake like this is enough for Jimin to slide down a ladder of pessimistic thoughts he is unable to stop. So once they are together in Jungguk’s hotelroom, Jungguk grabs his sweetheart’s wrists and pulls Jimin onto the bed. He pushes his hyung into the little spoon position and curves himself around him. Jimin sighs and finally breaks the silence. His voice thin as he speaks into the almost completely dark room:
“I messed up.”
“No, you just missed one note. That is not the same as messing up.”
“It is to me.”
Jungguk tries to pull him even closer, but it seems to only tense up Jimin’s body even more. That hurts, Jungguk feels his heart sink as he moves back a bit. All he wants is to be close to Jimin and usually he is welcomed by a warm and pliable body, but this time Jungguk has to swallow away a feeling of rejection.
“Do you mind me touching you”, Jungguk’s voice is unable to hide a hint of insecurity.
Jimin hesitates before he answers.
“No, but I think we should just go to sleep.”
Jimin knows it is not really an answer, but it is the best he can do right now. His heart feels heavy, he feels like a failure and the pressure of perfection is too much to bear right now.
Jungguk’s mind is contemplating what to do. Give Jimin space? Go to sleep as he suggested? Or push him to talk? He allows his fingers to slide over Jimin’s skin, his arms, his stomach, his chest, hoping it would relax him. It didn’t though and Jungguk doesn’t know what to do anymore:
“Jiminie, I want to help you…”
“I know… don’t worry, I will be fine”, Jimin answers with fake optimism.
Jungguk pushes himself up a bit, so he can lay his head against Jimin’s. He makes up his mind and decides he will push for a conversation.
“No Jiminie. Don’t do this. Don’t push me away when you are upset and sad. When I am upset you always tell me to talk to you. And then you hug me and you wipe my face with your perfect small hands, you smile at me like the sun and it makes me feel better. I want to do that for you too…”
“Ah Junggukkie…” sighs Jimin emotionally. His voice trembling a bit when he admits:
“I’m not very good at leaning on other people.”
“Then you need to learn…”
The silence is heavy with emotion. But Jimin doesn’t move a muscle. He just lays in Jungguk’s arms like a robot, so Jungguk persistently continues his attempts to break down the walls Jimin build around himself.
“Don’t shut me out like this. I’m right here, mochi”, Jungguk whispers, knowing how the endearment usually gains a soft smile. Not this time.
“You can lean on me. I am strong enough to hold you up when you need it…”, Jungguk says confidently. Still no respons.
“Please mochi, saranghae”, Jungguk breathes against Jimin’s skin and he wonders whether Jimin can hear the emerging desperation in his voice.
Jimin’s hand finds Jungguk’s and he intertwines their fingers:
“When did you grow up, Junggukkie?”
Jungguk smiles, happy to hear his boyfriend speak again. He presses a kiss against Jimin’s ear, then one against his neck.
“Just tell me what you need, Jiminie.”
“I don’t know, Gukkie…”, Jimin sighs.
He really doesn’t know what he needs. He needs to let it go, accept that his voice wasn’t perfect for just a moment and let it go. But Jimin has no idea how to do that and he has never relied on someone else to take it away for him either. So he truly doesn’t know what he needs from Jungguk in this moment. He feels Jungguk’s concern though, he can feel the love radiating from the younger man as he envelops Jimin’s body with his own. Jimin decides to tell him what he does know:
“I do like how you are holding me right now, like you’re my blanket.”
“I’ll hold you like this as long as you need”, Jungguk vows.
“Thank you… it makes me feel safe.”
Jungguk feels those words in his heart. He presses in even closer when he promises:
“You are always safe with me, mochi.”
Jungguk dares to draw closer to the other man again, making sure they are aligned from head to toe. His voice heavy with emotion when he vows:
“Always, always, always.”
Jimin’s hand comes up and just ruffles through Jungguk’s hair as he says softly:
“I know, Gukkie.”
“But I can feel the tension in your body, you’re not relaxing into me like you normally do…”
Jimin knows he is right. His whole body is on edge, even within the safety of Jungguk’s arms. Jungguk feels an apologetic squeeze of Jimin’s fingers into his arm and then decides he’ll just have to try some things to see if they have any effect. He lets go of Jimin’s hand and slowly caresses his hip. Soon Jimin grabs his hand and whispers:
“I don’t know what you are doing down there, but I am not in the mood tonight.”
Jungguk swallows a sigh:
“I know… I was just… never mind.”
His hand travels up as he hides it in Jimin’s hair. This time there is no protest, but no relaxing either. Jungguk wishes he would just know the answer to this riddle. Something inside him wants to know so badly how he can take care of his boyfriend when he needs it the most and right now Jungguk feels like he is failing. His lips ghost Jimin’s skin and without thinking Jungguk starts nibbling until his lips come across Jimin’s ear. He doesn’t even hesitate and just wraps his mouth around it and sucks softly. It only takes a few moments and then he feels Jimin slowly unwind against him. First his head turns as if to encourage Jungguk to continue what he is doing. Then his shoulders seem to lose the tension, leaning back against Jungguk as a sigh escapes from slightly parted lips. Soon after the rest of his body follows until he feels like warm liquid in Jungguk’s arms. Jungguk doesn’t stop until all he hears are soft sighs that change into quiet moans, until all the tension is gone.
“Gukkie…”, the sweet nickname sounds like a poem.
Jungguk lets go of Jimin’s ear with a soft pop. He chuckles softly against Jimin’s wet ear:
“I figured it out…”
‘You did… you found my weakness…”
Jungguk quickly repeats the action. This time gaining a soft moan from the older man, who pushes his body even more into Jungguk’s.
“It’s not a weakness, mochi. It’s just a little thing about you that only I know. And I like that…”, Jungguk explains.
“Hmmm”, Jimin hums. Then he asks:
“Why.”
Jungguk thinks about that for a moment and then he says confidently:
“It means you are mine.”
Jimin turns onto his back and they reshuffle a bit to get comfortable like that. Jungguk makes sure no space is left between them. Jimin’s hands reach up, searching in the dark until they rest against Jungguk’s cheeks.
“I am, Gukkie…I am completely yours. Even when I find it hard to let you in… I am always yours.”
“Mine”, Jungguk breathes with his lips against Jimin’s. They breathe each other in for a while until Jimin breaks the silence:
“Gukkie, remember what I said earlier?”
“Uhm…”, Jungguk is not sure where Jimin is going with this.
“About not being in the mood?”, Jimin reminds him with a shy voice.
“Yeah…”
“I may have spoken too soon…”
“I see…”, Jungguk cannot hide the smile in his voice.
“Is the offer still on the table?”, Jimin asks softly, his voice shy and cute.
Despite the dark Jungguk know Jimin’s cheeks are a perfect shade of red now. So he smiles widely and he knows Jimin can feel it as his hands are still framing Jungguk’s face. Jungguk leans down to find soft, plumb lips in a warm kiss. Then he whispers:
“That offer is always on the table, Jiminie.”
(…)
Jungguk knows Sejin doesn’t want to hear this story about how he found out that sucking Jimin’s ear is a very succesful way to comfort him. That would be way too much infomation. So Jungguk just mumbles a vague:
“I don’t know.”
“I have no idea what to do with the two of you. There is no way I can sell this to anyone as part of skinship or fanservice. I give you both one last chance to tell me now if there is anything I need to know.”
His tone is different, no longer angry but more understanding, and Jungguk looks up at him for a moment. Then he looks at Jimin and they both know they should tell their truth. Maybe also because Sejin’s tone of voice seems to suggest he already knows anyway, he just needs them to confirm it. So they do.
“Jimin and I, we uhm… we… How should I say this…”
Jimin reaches over to squeeze Jungguk’s wrist again as he takes over:
“We’re together.”
Jungguk nods and adds:
“Together together. We’re boyfriends…”
For a while there is nothing but silence, but then Sejin speaks up:
“Well, thank you for sharing that. I cannot say that I am surprised. But it is something we need to discuss… at a different time. We are tired now and you two need to get through your after-concert-routine.”
Jungguk and Jimin both nod.
“But for now no more ear sucking in public…”, Sejin says sternly with one last pointed look at Jungguk.
Jungguk cannot help the nervous chuckle that escapes him, and he doesn’t miss Jimin’s soft blush.
“Let’s leave it there for tonight, boys…”
They both stand up, not sure what to think of Sejin’s reaction. But just as they turn their backs towards him and are about to open the door he tells them:
“For what it’s worth, I’m fine with it. We just have to talk about how we are going to move forward with this in the future. This is not easy. You both know how Korea and Kpop view homosexuality. It is still taboe and not really accepted. You’ll both have to be strong if you want to go public with this.”
Jimin turns to face him, his big eyes blinking to hide the tears he wants to hold in:
“Thank you, it means a lot that you are fine with it. And we know this is difficult, that is why we have been hiding it for so long. But the thing is… the thing is… we also have to be strong to hide it all the time. It takes a lot from us if we can’t just do what we want to do. We are around each other all the time and sometimes I feel like I have to think twice about everything I say or do. Somehow it feels like we can’t win either way.”
Jungguk hums his agreement as he opens the door and nods at their manager:
“Sir, I am sorry if I was rude to you earlier… I did not mean to do that. I just didn’t know how to express myself properly.”
“Thanks Jungguk. It is alright. Let’s meet each other in a few days to discuss all this.”
They all agree and then Jimin and Jungguk walk out of the office, closing the door behind them.
They go through the motions, removing the remnants of make-up on their faces, getting a massage, changing into comfy sweats and saying goodbye to staff members that are still around. No-one mentions what happened on stage, and both men are thankful for their discretion. It is not until they are in the car, hidden behind black tinted glass, with only a chauffeur whom they can trust, that their hands reach out to hold on to each other. Jungguk sighs deeply and leans his head back against the headrest. He feels Jimin’s eyes burning on his skin, but he is just unable to meet them right now.
“Gukkie, look at me…”
Jungguk doesn’t move, he just bites his bottom lip and focusses on the feeling of Jimin’s thumb stroking his hand.
“Bunny… are you ok?”, the sweet nickname makes Jungguk’s heart clench and he is unable to hold the tears that have been burning behind his eyes for a while now. They leave wet streaks on his cheeks, and it only takes a moment for Jimin to lean over and wipe them away with his sweater paw. Finally Jungguk dares to meet Jimin’s eyes.
“Mochi… did I mess up today?”, Jungguk asks with a trembling voice.
“I just forgot everything around me and I just wanted to give you comfort. Should I not have done it?”, Jungguk tries to read Jimin’s eyes, desperately hoping for some sort of validation that it was OK to follow his heart. He doesn’t have to wait long.
“Gukkie, you did nothing wrong. I know you wanted to look after me. You always want to look after me. I don’t regret it.”
“No?” Jungguk needs to hear it one more time to get rid of the doubts that seem to have taken over his brain.
“Never. Saranghae, Gukkie. And to know that you love me so much that you will suck my ear in front of everyone makes my heart so, so happy. You have no idea…”, Jimin confesses.
“We will have to face the consequences though…”, Jungguk reminds him.
“Together we can do that”, Jimin tells him with a squeeze of his hand.
They have arrived at their hotel and as they thank the driver for his services they head inside. They walk past the reception and into an elevator when Jimin asks:
“Your room or mine?”
“Mine? It’s bigger…”, Jungguk answers.
The moment they walk into the room they hear voices from the hallway.
“Wait, Jimin, Jungguk…”, Namjoon shouts as all five members follow them into the room. Yoongi closes the door behind them and they all find a place to sit. Jungguk pulls Jimin next to him on one of the beds as Namjoon opens the conversation:
“We saw what happened on stage, army uploaded it everywhere.”
Yoongi slaps Jungguk’s back and teases:
“Subtlety was never your strength was it, JK.”
Jungguk blushes, but can’t help the smirk forming on his face. Tae chimes in:
“If we have to pretend this is part of skinship and I have to suck Yoongi’s ear I am leaving Bangtan.”
“Me too”, Yoongi agrees, whilst shoving Jungguk a second time.
“Did you speak to Sejin?” Namjoon asks Jimin.
Jimin nods and summarises the conversation. Then he looks around the familiair faces in the room:
“Guys, you all have covered us for a long time and your support has been so important. You have been great from the day we told you about us and you’ve been amazing ever since. Thank you.”
His voice quivers a bit, but a squeeze from Jungguk’s hand that is wrapped around his own helps him to continue:
“We have to decide whether we want to go public with this and Jungguk and I… we know this will affect all of Bangtan… we are sorry, guys.”
Jimin blinks, but one tear does find its way down. He wipes it away with the sleeve from his hoodie and it is Hobi who leans over to hug him from aside:
“Maybe the time is right. We have dealt with so many things, we can deal with this.”
“Thank you, hyung”, Jimin smiles and presses into Hobi a bit more to let him know how much his support means.
“So how would you go public? A press release or something?”, Jin asks.
It is quiet. No-one seems to know. Jin decides to answer his own question in an attempt to lighten the mood. He hits Jungguk’s leg and suggests:
“Maybe during our next concert you should bend on one knee and propose.”
Everyone starts to voice their support for that idea as Jungguk and Jimin look at each other with a soft blush on their cheeks. As other stupid ideas are shared and everything becomes more and more chaotic in true bangtan style, Jungguk leans over so only Jimin can hear his whisper:
“When I propose to you, I wil do it properly. I know you are a sucker for that…”
Jimin’s bright smile is just for Jungguk and then he whispers back:
“When?... Or if?”
Jungguk smiles confidently:
“When.”
Everything around them is nothing but background noise and Jimin leans in to press a kiss against Jungguk’s blushing cheek. Then he whispers:
“You are right, Gukkie. I am a sucker for that. So make sure you do it properly or I might say no.”
“You wouldn’t”, Jungguk tells him without a hint of doubt and Jimin blushes a bright red when he surrenders:
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“OK, lovebirds, we know when we have overstayed our welcome. Let’s talk about this more tomorow”, Namjoon says as the five of them all get up to leave. As they head towards the door it is Yoongi who says:
“Whatever happens, guys, I think you two are great together.”
Yoongi is not a man of many words, nor does he get sappy. So his words mean all the more. Jimin is up in a shot and cuddles his protesting hyung in a true koala hug. He doesn’t let go until Yoongi has reached the door and with a soft ‘good night’ the door closes shut.
Jungguk lets himself fall backwards onto the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. Jimin walks over to him and bends down to take off Jungguk’s shoes. He then kicks off his own and stretches himself out next to his boyfriend who is already half asleep. Despite his almost unconscious state Jungguk mumbles:
“No washing up?”
Jimin curls into him, laying his head on Jungguk’s chest and wrapping a leg over his waist. He closes his eyes with a deep and exhausted sigh, sleep closing in on him:
“No washing up.”
A week after Rosebowl
“It is up yet?”, Jimin asks nervously as he stares at Namjoon’s face with anxious eyes.
“Not yet, Jimin-ah. I’ll let you know as soon as I see it.”
Jimin swallows and puts his head on his arms.
“Jimin-ah, no regrets I hope?”, Namjoon asks with a worried look on his face.
Jimin shakes his head. No regrets. But this is the moment of truth and it feels like jumping out of a helicopter hoping the parachute will work properly.
“It’s up”, Namjoon suddenly says.
Jimin sits up and doesn’t even realise he is biting his bottom lip until Namjoon reaches out and grabs his wrist:
“Stop biting your lip. Shall we watch it together?”
“Yeah… I don’t know. Not sure where Junggukkie is, he might want to join us…”
Namjoon stands up and squeezes Jimin’s shoulder:
“Wait here, I’ll get everyone.”
Soon the small space is filled with seven people, all staring at Namjoon’s computer screen. Jimin sat nearest to the screen as Jungguk is standing behind him with his hands on Jimin’s shoulders. They press play and all seven of them watch the video in complete silence. Jimin watches intently as he sees himself and Jungguk sitting close on a red couch. Nothing surprising there, they often sit like that. The interviewer asks a few introducing questions, but then they get to the point. He asks about Rosebowl and turns to Jungguk so he can explain to everyone watching:
“I hate it when Jimin gets upset, so I just wanted to comfort him. Isn’t that what boyfriends are supposed to do?”
It sounds natural even though every answer is scripted and rehearsed. The interviewer moves it along and turns to Jimin, who replies:
“Jungguk and I have been together for quite a while now. He looks after me well.”
A coy little smile as Jimin continues:
“He is a good boyfriend.”
Another rehearsed answer to convey the message without giving too much detail. The interview isn’t long and soon enough the room is quiet.
“No way back, guys. It’s out there now”, Yoongi says. He leans forward to press the refresh button, only to see the video has already been watched half a milion times. They all know the count will keep going up and all social media platforms will soon be trending #Jikook.
Jimin feels Jungguk’s fingers squeeze his shoulders when he says:
“No regrets, hyungs.”
Namjoon hold out his hand for Jungguk to shake as he says:
“We’re in this together. We’re a family.”
Jimin leans forward, slowly scrolling down towards the comments, but Hobi quickly pulls his hand away:
“No comments for you yet. Let me keep an eye on them first. We have no idea what the response might be.”
Jimin sighs. He knows they just want to protect him, but he can’t help being curious. Jungguk pulls him up from behind and moves them both towards the door.
“Thanks for the support, hyungs. We’re having dinner together tonight, right?”, Jungguk asks to no-one in particular.
Several of them hum their agreement and then Jungguk and Jimin have left the room.
Jungguk moves them straight to his own room and when he closes the door behind them he inquires immediately:
“Are you OK, Jiminie?”
Jimin stands in front of the window, his hand in his neck as he tries to losen it up a bit. He feels tense, his neck and back hurting and stiff. Jungguk moves closer only to move Jimin’s hand away and replace it with his own. He knows how to manipulate the strong muscles, he has done it many times before. Jimin’s sighs tell him he is doing it right and he just keep going as he finally hears the answer to his question:
“I am OK, Gukkie.”
“No regrets?”, Jungguk checks carefully, as his fingers slowly unwind the knots in his boyfriend’s back.
“None.”
“What if they’ll hate us and BTS wil be shunned from the Kpop world. Still no regrets then?”, Jungguk knows he is pushing, but he just needs to hear the answer one more time.
Jimin turns around and wraps his arms around Jungguk’s shoulders. Jungguk knows Jimin is standing on his tippy toes and the thought brings a soft smile to his lips.
“No Gukkie, no regrets no matter what is going to happen. I love you, you love me. We don’t have to be embarressed about that and we shouldn’t have to hide it. I’m proud of us…”
Jungguk just has to steal a kiss and he pulls Jimin as close as possible. They hold each other for a while, relaxing into the sweet embrace until Jungguk teases softly:
“Getting tired yet from standing on your tippy toes?”
At first Jimin seems to want to say something, but he decides against it. Instead he secures his arms around Jungguk’s neck before he jumps up and wraps his legs around the younger’s waist.
“I think I need you to carry me so I can rest…”
Jimin’s face is pressed against Jungguk’s neck and Jungguk feels the wide smile painted on Jimin’s perfect features. The noise from Jimin’s phone disturbs the quiet and Jimin let’s go and puts his feet back on the floor. He reaches to find his phone in his back pocket to see a sweet message from his parents:
‘Proud of you both. Love you. A hug for you and a hug for Jungguk. Mum and dad.’
Not much later a similar message arrives from Jungguk’s parents and Jimin sighs happily:
“We are so lucky to have such great people around us.”
Jungguk nods, suddenly overwhelmed with it all. Jimin notices immediately and he pulls them both onto the floor. Jimin leans against Jungguk’s bed and pulls his boyfriend’s head into the crook of his neck. Arms wrapping around Jungguk to hold him in place. Jungguk doesn’t resist, allowing himself to mold into Jimin and just be emotional for a moment. No one else exists. It is just the two of them in their own perfect world. A world where love is king and regrets don’t exist. A world where the only sound that matters is their matching heartbeats. A world where Jimin is the sun and Jungguk the moon. Their own perfect bubble where they can be who they are without reserve. Jungguk smiles when he realises it and without second thought he looks up, only to lean in again and wrap his lips around Jimin’s ear. The happy laugh falling from Jimin’s lips is the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. Jungguk lets go with a soft pop when he hears the magic words:
“Saranghae, Gukkie.”