Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

You've been havin' real bad dreams,
You used to lie so close to me
There's nothing more than empty sheets between our love .

Tahani’s parties might win all the awards when it came to upper class grace and British fanciness. But, for Eleanor, there was no beating a night out at a friendly local bar with some decent music. Music that was from after the war, music with actual words and a beat. And, of course, the Architect had made sure to design one at her request when their new pocket world was built for the experiment.

She can’t help but notice how the layout and decoration is almost a carbon copy of the bar that he found her in on her birthday, back when she didn’t even remember his name, let alone recognise him. The night he had steered her back on the right path. The night he had probably saved her ash, again, after having already done so on the same day the year before.

Who better to share a dance with here, tonight, than her own guardian demon?

She almost forgot what a crazy dancer he could be, almost matching her own moves, so spry and energetic despite not having the youngest looking human form. It had been great to see him let loose. To see that smile reach his glasses again.

They’ve both been working so hard, a good night out to blow off steam and have some actual fun, like normal forking humans instead of immortal and post-death saviors of the universe.

They deserve this.

When the slower songs finally come on as the night draws to a close, she’s content to lean into his embrace, arms sliding around his waist and holding on tight. His long limbs do the same, his cheek leaning down onto the top of her head, swaying her gently in more of a cuddle than a dance. A cuddance?

Yes. Just let them stay like this. This is perfect. Almost like Heaven, funny enough.

She can feel her friends watching her. Every being in the bar tonight, whether it be Janet or her babies or the test subjects, are looking at their hot God-like Architect dancing with her white-haired assistant. She wonders what they’re more intrigued by, the fact that the Boss is having a night off like a casual human thirty-something girl, or that her dandy constant companion has swapped his suit and bow-tie for some jeans and a light blue shirt that’s perfect for her to snuggle up against during this final dance.

They’re all free to enjoy the show. They’re all welcome to think whatever they like about the two of them dancing together. She’s too busy riding this legal high of warm bliss to give a shirt.

Eleanor hums and pulls back a little to look up at him.

“So glad we could do this again, bud.” She whispers, her voice somehow rising naturally above the music.

He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear; “Oh? Did you miss me or something?”

She grins, tilting her head against his touch; “Or something.”

As his fingers linger against her cheek, she gazes at his blue eyes through those lenses that never seem to steam up, not that it’s ever humid in this bar. But there is tension of a different sort rising heavily around them. Eleanor’s breathing quickens the longer he looks at her.

Is he going to kiss her? Is she going to stop him?

She should do.  Right? There’s a reason she should stop him. If it comes to her before he gets closer then she’ll be sure to pull the breaks. If not then…why would she be so stupid as to stop it?

His thumb rubs across her cheek bone. It’s not until she blinks that she realises she’s crying.

Why? What is there to cry about?

Fork, his face is coming closer towards hers and he’s tilting her head up to meet him. Thank the Judge she wore heels so he doesn’t have to crane his neck down for her. She closes her eyes, another tear sliding down, as she purses her lips. The reason has yet to come to stop her. Who can blame her? They’re all looking at them. They can all see what she has. They must be jealous as fork, if not of her than surely of him, two fine ‘godly beings’ that they are.

She’s waiting for the feel of his mouth against hers when she hears the pop.

“Argh!”

Michael’s fingers dig into her as his whole body violently jolts. His face creases in agony.

Eleanor blinks, gasping, wanting to hold him before he stumbles. But there’s something else already in her hands. She frowns and glances down, unaware of its cold, light weight replacing her hold around her tall dance partner. Oh. Oh, fork, no!

Her mouth widens as she sees Bad Janet’s demon exploder clutched in both of her hands.

In front of it, on the other side of the smoke rising from the barrel, is the gaping, seeping, blue hole in Michael’s stomach. Right the way through. His hands leave her and move to feel over the wound, helpless to stop as the suit begins to disintegrate.

“…Eleanor?”

His voice, sounding so confused and lost, forces her gaze back up at his devastated expression. He looks so. Betrayed. Terrified.

No. No, no, this can’t be real, it can’t happen! Not now! They’ve finally started talking again! They only just made up and got back to…well, what passed as ‘normal’ for an Arizona ashhole and her honorary human-slash-former fire squid.  She can’t lose him now. She can’t lose him again.

Eleanor tries to reach out, to do something, unlike everyone else who continues to watch like the gormless dorks they are. Even her friends. Even Janet.

Just as her fingers graze Michael’s face, his skin melts and withers, quickly falling apart before her. His glasses fall as the nose and ears supporting them vanish.

“NO! NO!”

She flings her arms forward but can only grab at the air, her feet slipping on the blue puddle at her feet, sending her falling flat on her-

“NO!”

Eleanor’s eyes snap open.

She sits upright, catching her breath, dizzy from the fall that felt all too real, her brain forcing her awake before her dream-self landed on the floor. It takes few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the darkness around her, illuminated slightly from the moonlight streaming in from the window, the blinds down but open. Hadn’t she closed them before she went to sleep? She swore she did.

She rubs at her face, sitting back on the fold-out sofa they had moved into the office months ago, when her and Michael’s late-night meetings would sometimes turn into sleepovers. This one he had created was so comfy, it could put the memory foam mattresses at B,B&B to shame. It was one of a few reasons she often preferred to crash here than go back to her lonely, quiet clown house. At least, that had been the case, until recently.

Now her home-office-away-from-home was just as silent and isolated as her and Chidi’s home. She seemed to be making a habit of losing her favorite roomies.

Still, she prefers to sleep here. It saves her the walk to work and it means she can lie in wait for if…when he returns. This will be his first stop, surely, it’s his office after all. The closest thing he has to a home, even if he never even needed the fold out bed and only has it for her sake for the most part. There for when she crashes out and falls asleep while he lay beside her doing whatever immortals do instead of snoozing.

Eleanor sighs, rolling her head back. She misses his presence beside her. She misses him waking her up to ask her stupid questions like ‘what does yolo mean?’ or ‘who is Karen and what the hell did she do?’ She misses him holding her on the nights when thinking about Chidi or the pressure of what they were doing became too much. Fire squids in human suits made for good snuggles.

She misses him. Damn it. It’s like someone fired Bad Janet’s gun through her gut.

Now, the best she has to snuggle with is that big deformed doll he won for her along with his minion plushie all those centuries ago. It’s not the same but it’s nice to hold onto something. She wonders what Simone would think if she walked in on the local Goddess asleep in her Lazy Bench PJs with her arms around a stuffed toy for comfort.

A slight creaking noise makes her start. She looks over to see the door is ajar.

Now she’s positive that she closed that, locked it even. Only one other being aside from herself has a key, forgetting Janet who was able to teleport in and out as she pleased.

“Michael…?” She gets up and moves to the door, poking her head out.

No sign of anyone in the hallway. The front door leading to the town is firmly closed. Eleanor’s heart sinks with disappointment. If Michael were here, then he wouldn’t need to open the main door to go back into Janet’s void.

She wonders what it’s like in there, if it’s different to when they visited it before and became all Janet-fied. She hopes he’s been able to spruce it up a little bit. She hopes Bad Janet isn’t being too much of a pain in his ash. She ignores the niggling resentment at the thought that he’d rather choose her rude, obnoxious, flatulent company over hers. Had she really fallen so far that she made a Bad Janet seem tolerable?

Eleanor slumps back to her sofa-bed and sits, looking at the empty chair on the other side of the room, knowing she’s about to face another long, sleepless night.

*

“Now, everyone, watch your step! We’re only a mile away from our destination but things start to get a little steeper from her on out, so make sure you’re keeping an eye on your buddy’s harnesses!” Eleanor calls out to the group.

The oil lamps hung up against the stone walls illuminate their path through the wide chasm, still rather close to the mouth of the cave. Brent, Simone and John along with a selection of random Janet babies follow her, Michael and Janet down the slopes and shafts. All of them dressed in bright yellow overalls with flashlight helmets – except for Janet who is immaculate in her purple dress as ever, though she did at least wear a helmet for show.

Eleanor is glad she chose some light clothing to wear beneath the jumpsuit as the climbing downward is already pretty stressful, not helped by some of their groups inane banter, raising her temperature despite the rather cool atmosphere.

“Wow, this has been a blast. I wonder why coal miners had to be such whiny pussies, this is a great place to work.” Brent comments after they’ve reached the third level and are getting the last of the Janet babies down from the pully rope.

“Might have been because of the lack of safety equipment or all-powerful, benevolent tour guides keeping them safe. Not to mention the pish poor pay and slave labour conditions. Yeah, total wimps.” Simone bites back with a roll of her eyes.

“Ah, I’m so glad we can agree on something, baby doll!” Brent pats her back and Eleanor spots the other woman hold herself back from pushing him against a stalagmite.

“We’re serious, guys. The deeper we go, the closer we get to the ‘rim’ as it were of this sector of the Good Place. While we try to ensure your safety, there is always a chance of unstable rifts opening up. Beyond that is an endless abyss of nothingness.” Michael warns them all.

“Like…Brisbane?” Simone asks.

Eleanor gives her a nod.

“Exactly. If you don’t wanna spend eternity in Brisbane,” Whatever that is, “Make sure you keep yours and your buddy’s ropes hooked on tight. Otherwise, I’d recommend turning back now.”

Herself, Michael and Janet watch as the group all look at each other, murmuring amongst themselves to decide whether they’re in for the long run.

John is the first to raise his hand.

“Yeah, I’m gonna bail. The whole underground crystal city sounded dazzling and all but I think I’d rather avoid the risk of falling into oblivion. I’m gonna head back and take Tahani up on her offer of sorting out the stage for the talent show tonight. Lorde, with an E, knows that girl needs all the help she can get!”

Janet directs John and a few of the Janet babies who ‘choose’, either by their own will or because Janet telepathically makes them who knows, to leave towards the right path which is a steady slope back up and leading to another cave entrance lower down the mountain.

“Anyone else?” Eleanor asks.

“You kidding? This is the closest we get to some actual danger seeking in this place, I’m in!” Simone rubs her hands together, buzzing.

Brent clears his throat.

“And obviously I’m never one to shy away from getting the old heart a pumping. Plus, the little ladies here need a real man around to keep them safe. No offence, grandpa.” He nods at Michael.

Eleanor sees her ‘Assistant’ frown out of the corner of her eye.

“Grandpa? Our human forms look the same age!” Michael deflects, incredulously.

“Oh-kay, let’s just keep moving! Janet, can you point the way please?” Eleanor laughs, nervously, trying to move things swiftly along.

She’s not sure whether Michael was low-key insulting her or he’s that oblivious.

The celestial tour guide gives her a thumbs up and asks the humans to keep following her down one of the more narrow pathways, with fewer lamps connected to the wall the deeper they go. Eleanor adjusts her helmet and looks behind her to see Michael turning in the other direction.

“Hey, where you going?” She stops him, reaching out but not touching.

“I’m gonna make sure the others get back safe and give Tahani a hand. Someone should probably be there to help her keep her cool in case John makes her snap.” Michael explains, curtly, without turning to look at her.

That’s how most of their rare and brief conversations go lately.

Eleanor steps closer.

“She’s got Jason with her, he’s always good at keeping things chill. And if anything does happen, Chidi is there, he can pull out a Khant quote or something to help John hold his tongue instead of calling everything our girl does ‘too Buckingham Palace’.” She reassures, even though she knows he just wants any excuse to get away; “C’mon. We need you here.”

“No, you don’t, you’ve got Janet. I’m still not sure why it was necessary for me to come here anyway.” Michael shrugs.

“Because we’re supposed to be a duo, remember? And you doing the whole ghosting thing with me is starting to make Simone give us the stink eye! Pretty sure angelic overlords aren’t supposed to have fights! So, can you just pretend that we’re still friends until we reach daylight again? For the sake of the experiment? Is that so hard?” Eleanor questions, putting on her serious ‘leader’ tone.

He looks at her, his tired and reluctant expression made more visible in the glow of the lamp beside him. He sets his jaw and nods.

“Fine.”

Victory. Eleanor tries not to look too overjoyed, though something inside of her is definitely skipping.

She nods for him to follow her down the path to catch up with Janet and the others, offering the chord of her harness out to him when they have to make their way across a steep incline.

“Okay then, better hook up with me then, buddy!” She tries to be cheery, her smile falling when she sees the stoic look on Michael’s face; “I’m just using spelunking jargon, obviously.”

“Obviously. Let’s go.” He hooks her thick chord with his own, the both of them using their other attachment to hook onto the links nailed into the wall.

At least they were talking. It was something. They had to start somewhere.

*

Jason nearly trips over the edge of his robe as he enters the office.

“Yo, sorry I’m late, dogs! I forgot there was an 8:30 in the morning too.” He excuses, hoisting himself up onto one of the cabinets to use as a seat.

Eleanor is already sat her desk, ready for the new day, while Tahani sits elegantly as ever in one of the spare chairs and Janet takes a spot beside Jason, sharing a quick kiss. Lucky dorks.

“No worries, dude. We’re still waiting on Michael before we start.”

“Oh. Michael’s not coming. He thinks he’s having a breakthrough with Bad Janet. Sorry, he literally just informed me of this from my void.” Janet says, with slight annoyance; “Man, I really hate having people squat in there. Well, a not-person and a demon…Ugh, it’s so annoying, they’re screwing up my terminology. Anyways! Michael wants a rain check.”

“Again? We haven’t even had rain here in months.” Eleanor sighs, leaning her elbow on the table and clutching at her head; “We all know the real reason he’s not coming.”

Jason nods; “Yeah…”

Everyone glances at him with doubt.

“What? I pay attention! Michael’s still mad at Eleanor.” Jason states the obvious; “And possibly a little at me because I squirted mustard on his bow-tie when we hung out yesterday, but mostly at Eleanor.”

“Thanks, bro.”

Not just for the obvious reminder but also the added knowledge that Michael still had no objection to spending time with the others when he could, simply hanging out as friends. But the most Eleanor ever got to see of him was whenever he turned up for meetings or when it was necessary to pose as her cheerful and wise Assistant. And even then, there never seemed to be opportunities for a private talk or so much as a casual chat between the two of them. Michael was always all too ready to step away once the curtain fell and he could drop the pretence. Eleanor couldn’t remember the last time he looked her in the eye.

Sometimes it made Eleanor feel as though she was fading away. The two people who had once loved her most in the world now both barely acknowledged her or saw her as more than some distant, sexy boss figure. Or, in Michael’s case, resented her very presence to the point of avoiding her as much as possible.

At least she still had the friends around her now, though who knows how long it would be until she lost them too.

“God, I just wish he would forking talk to me.” She confesses with a mournful sigh; “It’s been three months already! We’re almost halfway through the experiment and we can’t be putting our all into this if Michael is barely here most of the time.”

She can see everyone sharing uncomfortable looks. She imagines Michael having little debriefings with all of them, running suggestions on what to do, future events, the lot. The suggestions then get run back to Eleanor for her approval or otherwise. There is a system but it’s just not the constant group huddles they had at the start.

Eleanor sighs, her palms on the table; “Fine…I just miss him! That’s all.”

“Oh, darling. I’m sure he misses you too.” Tahani moves behind Eleanor’s chair and slides one of her gorgeous Amazonian arms around her shoulders.

One of her incredible hugs is definitely needed right now.

“I wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t. And if he’s still mad at me then that’s….fine. I know I can’t force him to forgive me but…There’s gotta be something I can do to get him to talk to me, one on one. So we can try to clear the air or know where we stand.” Eleanor explains to them; “How long do you think he’ll be upset?”

“Well, it only took him two hundred and ninety-eight years to get over the whole ‘Ya Basic’ thing, so, I estimate a while.” Janet points out.

And that was when he was the one in the wrong, not her. The ultimate ‘villain’ wrong.

“We might not even have six months, let alone a few centuries to wait for him to cool off!” Tahani states, clearly as exhausted as Eleanor, having to watch two of her closest friends not talk to each other.

Janet shows her hand; “Look, at the end of the day, Michael will come to you when he’s ready. I can’t tell you anything he’s confided in me but what I can say is that it will take him time to figure out where he stands with you. It’s best just to wait it out and give him space, rather than going for the quick fix.”

A light-bulb flashes to the point of exploding in Eleanor’s head. She smiles at the not-robot.

“Janet! That’s it! A quick fix! That’s exactly what I need! You’re a genius!”

“I am, but I very much doubt you listened to every other word I said.” Janet says.

“Look, think about it. What was it that made Michael decide to switch to firmly be on our side?”

The group goes silent for a moment as they think of the answer.

“Er, eight hundred reboots of witnessing human behavior and being in close proximity that lead to him empathising with all of you combined with two months of ethics classes?” Janet asks.

Eleanor rolls her eyes; “Yes, that stuff helped, but I mean the big thing! The thing we don’t need three hundred years to accomplish!”

“That dude Shawn wanting to take us all to the lame Bad Place and play ping pong with my balls?” Jason asks.

Eleanor grins at him. It’s always incredible, as well as a little bit terrifying, when Jason is the first one to come up with the correct answer.

“That’s it! We were all in danger of being tortured and he chose to save us. He did the same with me at the portal to the Judge’s chambers. It’s a classic rom-com climax! High pressure situation bringing out real feelings! What we need to do is put me in some dangerous, fake situation that seems genuine and scary, and there’s no way he’ll be able to stay hiding in Janet’s void!” Eleanor suggests, feeling that thrill of an exciting and new idea like she hasn’t in a while; “So, babe, you need to summon a flesh-eating dragon or open up a sink hole beneath me at some point so Michael can sweep in and rescue me! It’s fool proof!”

The others don’t look so certain, except for Jason who is grinning and nodding away.

“Do we really want to freak the other residents out like that? Or make it seem like the Architect is that vulnerable to being attacked in Heaven?” Tahani questions.

“It worked fine in Michael’s first neighborhood when there were times he made it seem like he was the one in danger of Retirement or that one where he pretended to be turning into a tree unless one of us offered to go to the Bad Place.” Eleanor can’t deny that there would be a risk to their humans, as this doesn’t really involve them or the experiment itself.

Is it worth compromising them and the work they’ve done just for a chance that Michael might come to save her and remember how much he loves her?

“Michael knows I have the power to keep you all safe here.” Janet reminds her; “Our biggest threat right now is being kidnapped or manipulated by the Bad Place…and given what we went through with the Michael suit and Glenn all those months ago, I take it that you’d rather avoid those trust issues springing up again.”

Eleanor groans and slumps back in her chair, letting Tahani’s fingers massage the knot out of her right shoulder. She leans against her friend’s arm and sulks.

“There has to be something, you guys. All I want is….one chance!” She says, biting her lip.

“I know that feeling, girl.” Jason interjects; “This one time, I had a falling out with this hot babe I was seeing, and the only way I could get her to talk to me and hear how sorry I felt was asking Pillboi to trap us in the back of an ice cream van. I mean, it didn’t work out that well, mostly due to us getting pneumonia and Pillboi getting arrested for wrong imprisonment, but at least she dropped the restraining order and agreed to give back my bong. So, it was all good!”

Eleanor blinks, running that absurd and somewhat frightening story back and forth through her brain.

“Wait a minute….I think you might be on to something…” She says with a wave of her finger at the Florida stoner.

*

Simone’s questions are a good distraction from the vertigo when they’re scaling down one of the larger pits.

“These aren’t technically ruins we’re going to then? What are they?” She asks Janet, moving faster than Brent who is very close to losing his nerve the farther they descend.

“Original designs are stored as backup data when each neighbourhood is built. The city landscape was initially supposed to be what is now the town square. Most scrapped designs get deleted but we keep a few archived for historic purposes.” Janet explains.

Simone looks to Eleanor; “What made you wanna go with a town instead of a city?”

“Humans tend to be happier in simple, quieter settlements. Cities tend to build the most stress, what with all the crowds and traffic jams and people yelling on cell phones.” Michael starts to tell her.

Simone gives him an off look and then smirks at Eleanor.

“Y’know, I notice that your assistant loves to talk designing afterlives more than yourself.” She comments, lowering her voice a little; “I’d kinda like to hear your input, as this was mostly your baby, right?”

Damn it, she’s sharp as a tac. Eleanor forces a smile.

“Well, I like to get Michael to share what he’s learning from me.” She reaches to pat his arm, feeling it twinge a little beneath her touch, trying not to wince.

Brent chuckles; “Or maybe the guy just happens to know better.”

“Excuse me?” Eleanor glances at him, turning her light in his direction.

The businessman raises his palms; “Just stating what’s always clear to see. Don’t get me wrong, sweetheart, you did a fantastic job with this place. But it seems your man there has all the know-how worked out and is ready to fly solo, I can see you two getting in some rough competition in the future.”

“That’s not how it works in the Good Place. All our work relationships are very healthy and friendly, isn’t that right, Michael?”

She reaches for his hand. He smiles at her and takes it, giving it a convincing squeeze. It’s almost enough to give her hope, before the humans look away and he lets go, his smile falling.

Damn it.

Their group settles near a creek running through the mountain, Simone muttering about what a sexist prick her ‘buddy’ is while Brent himself takes a leak behind some rocks. Eleanor watches Michael from a distance as he talks with Janet, their voices too low for her to overhear. She knows that if she were to try and join in the conversation, Michael would duck out or it would quickly switch topics. That’s been the way of it lately.

Five pathways are available to them from this point. Eleanor takes a quick gander in each one, removing the torch from her helmet and holding it in her hand as she ventures down one of the unlit paths. She then curses, loudly, and comes back.

“Hey, Michael! Would you come here a sec?” She asks him, interrupting his chat with Janet.

He goes to her.

“Yeah?”

She shows her empty hands; “I just dropped my flashlight down that corridor and I can’t see it. Could you grab it for me, please?”

“Just ask Janet for a new one.” He tells her, flippantly.

“I would but…that one is special. I need it.”

Michael frowns; “…The flashlight is special?”

“Yes! It’s a…ugh, it’s a replica of one Chidi bought me back on Earth. I said this whole speech to him one time in the first attempt about a cave and him being my flashlight and when I saw that memory on the tablet, I showed it to him and first thing he did was buy me a flashlight, quote, ‘in case he got memory wiped again’.” Eleanor explains in a jumbled rush to the demon; “Which he did, so…it means a lot to me. Get it?”

She watches the confusing emotions on Michael’s face, somewhat pained but also touched, maybe, before he nods and moves down the path. He takes his own light into his hand and uses it to scan the floor in search of the lost torch.

Eleanor looks across to Janet and gives her a thumbs up before going in after Michael.

“Where did you drop it? Can’t see it anywhere.”

“I got pretty far in. Few more metres.” Eleanor tells him, moving close behind him; “So…how have you been, bud?”

Michael keeps waving the torch in front of him, scanning the black walls of rock either side and the stony, jagged ground beneath their feet.

At first, Eleanor worries he’ll continue blocking her. Just wanting to focus on doing this one favour she asked before he can go back to staying away from her. Then he takes a breath and starts talking about Bad Janet, about how she reacted to his latest report to her, how impressive he thought it was that she went almost ten minutes without insulting him.

“I wasn’t asking how that skanky faker was doing. Are you okay?” She asks Michael.

“I’m always okay.” He answers in a tone so flat that it’s a blatant lie. He doesn’t even attempt to make it believable.

“That’s good. Good.” Eleanor sighs, walking deeper with him into the darkness; “I’m doing okay too, not that you asked, in case you were curious. I’ve been having a lot of sessions with Tilda. She’s a Janet baby designed to be a mental health therapist. She’s been…helping me work through my whole anger issue thing.”

“Yeah, I did hear about that.” Michael remarks.

Who told him? All of her friends knew she was seeing a shrink but she feels uncomfortable at the idea of them all gossiping about her. Crazy Not-so-high Eleanor.

“I’m trying to get better. I mean, that’s our whole schtick right. Trying?”

“Of course. I’m glad you’re trying.” He says to her, “Now d’you mind trying to be quiet so I can concentrate on finding your ridiculously sentimental flashlight?!”

“You’re really not going to talk to me?”

He turns and leans in close, lowering his voice; “I just don’t think it’s the best idea for us to be discussing our private business within earshot of the other humans, dummy! Doesn’t matter how far away they are, trust me, you lot are way too nosy.”

Eleanor watches him turn and continue searching. Stupid demon does have a good point. And he’s clearly not going to make this easy for her. It shouldn’t be, she knows that.

Time for Plan Ice Cream Truck, as Jason called it.

She makes a nondescript whistling sound as she leans back against the wall. There’s a few seconds of awkward silence before the entire mountain starts to shake.

The humans and fake-humans in the main chamber all gasp in surprise.

Eleanor stumbles forward, putting her hands out to steady herself before the quake stops.

“…That didn’t sound good.” She tells Michael, who is upright and glancing around, baffled.

“You mean that wasn’t planned? I thought you said we’re supposed to put Brent and Simone in danger at some point to see how they react?”

“Yeah, but not yet!” She whispers across to him, “If you had bothered to turn up for the meeting, you’d know we planned a very tense situation involving a giant mole rat once we got to the city!”

Another violent quake surrounds them on all sides, dust and bits of earth starting to fall a little from the ceiling.

“Okay, forget the flashlight, Janet can replicate it again. Let’s get back to the others.” Eleanor tells him, glad she has her hair protected beneath her helmet.

Michael sighs; “Finally, you’re talking sense. Move it!”

She waits for him to meet up with her before starting to sprint, unsteadily on the trembling ground, towards the opening of their path to get back to their group. This time, instead of easing off, the earthquake only gets more intense, larger rocks breaking off and falling down. Eleanor’s heart starts to thump and she wants nothing more than to rush for the exit.

Instead, her foot twists and she stumbles forward.

“Shirt! Michael, my forking shoe is stuck!” She says with panic in her voice.

He rolls his eyes and goes to her, kneeling down.

“This is why you don’t borrow climbing gear from Tahani.” He clicks his tongue as he tries to help unwedge her toe.

Eleanor almost manages a laugh, ready to agree. They might not have been the sturdiest of boots but they sure are gorgeous.

She looks up in time to see a rain of dirt and stones fall heavily at the mouth of the cave.

“Michael!”

The ceiling is falling from the opening towards their spot. She briefly catches a glimpse of Janet and Simone rushing towards them before the entrance is covered up and the light from the main chamber stolen from them. Eleanor freezes with honest to fork fear as the stalactites falling like giant rocky nails to the ground get nearer and nearer.

Michael frees her foot and then grabs her around the waist, rushing with her in the direction of the flow of the crumbling roof, getting as far way as his long legs can carry them. Eleanor clutches onto him, her heart pounding, hoping this path she randomly chose doesn’t lead to a dead end.

When the quake finally stops, Michael falls with her back against the wall, staying clear of the debris that has now blocked off their way back and nearly crushed them in the process.

He releases her and rolls off, the two of them sitting back and catching their breath.

Fork. That was way too close.

She feels a firm, round cylinder pressed to her side.

“Oh, hey, look…” Eleanor grins, picking up the object beside her and turning it on; “I found my flashlight!”

Just in time to use it to see Michael glaring at her.

*

Thank god for super demon hearing, Michael was able to hear Janet through the mass of rocks much better than she could. The caves seemed to be far more unstable than they originally thought. Given how unsafe it was, Eleanor’s first priority was for Janet to get the rest of the group out safely before another quake happened, and then have her come back to try to get them out, seeing as her magic wasn’t able to instantly make the rubble disappear on the first try.

A consequence of them being so far underground and closer to the border of the fake Good Place, it seemed to weaken Janet’s powers and, by the looks of it, Michael’s as well.

“Don’t panic, I’ll get us out of this.” He tells Eleanor, standing in front of the rocks, “Boo-yah!”

He snaps his fingers.

Nothing.

“Very impressive.” Eleanor says, dryly, crossing her arms; “I think I saw a pebble fall over.”

“Maybe I didn’t do the snap right. Or maybe it’s how I say it as I snap…” He tries to be quieter; “Boo…yah?” He snaps again and again, until he gets frustrated. “Boo-yah, damn it!”

Eleanor reaches to touch his arm but he pulls away.

“Michael, let’s just leave it. We’ll do as Janet said, wait for her to get back with a shovel or rescue team, whatever.”

“It took us two hours to get down here! By the time Janet gets the group back to the surface and then down here again, we’ll be stuck here for four hours!” He complains, taking off his helmet and rubbing at his forehead.

“What’s four hours when we already spent three hundred years in Hell together?” Eleanor makes a point, “C’mon, we’ll just sit down and chill out. I’ve got snacks and drinks in my backpack, we can just hang together, like old times, yeah?”

He turns to give her a strange look before turning back to shine his light through a narrow opening in the corridor.

“It’s not a dead end, we can try to keep going, we might find a way out.” He mutters.

“Or we might end up falling into deeper shirt and no one will be able to find us. At least we have air, which some of us actually need, thank you.” She needles him, reaching to tug at his arm.

He shakes her off again and unzips his jumpsuit, removing his bow-tie and loosening his collar. Eleanor watches his face crease up in the glow of her flashlight and his laboured breathing begins to echo around the cramped space. Suddenly it hits Eleanor that Michael’s reluctance to stay here long isn’t purely down to being trapped with her.

Rather, it’s the thought of being trapped at all.

“Dude? You’re not okay.” She doesn’t even try asking, it’s plain to see; “What’s wrong? Tell me, please!”

She reaches to touch his arm. Michael is too busy freaking out to cast her aside again.

“I just…I don’t like all…this!” He waves his hand to gesture at the walls around them; “It’s too forking small! No space, not enough space, I can’t…Damn it!” He even has to take off his glasses.

“Okay, okay…Let’s just sit down.” She almost has to pull him to fold those legs of his so that they’re both kneeling down in the dirt.

Eleanor keeps rubbing his back, encouraging him to breathe, whether he needs to or not. It helps. She’s not even sure if she needs to breathe if she’s already dead but, after practicing the exercises Tilda prescribed to her, she can definitely say it helps.

Another idea also pops into her head.

“Hey. Do you have your stress ball on you that was in your Human Starter Kit?” She asks him.

He pauses, frowning, before throwing his hands up.

“This is what you’re supposed to use it for! C’mon!” He groans.

“It’s fine! You can use mine.” She opens her pack and gets out a spongy white ball with painted dark hair and a shirt-eating grin painted on.

Michael takes it and starts squeezing it, peering at the design.

“Oh? Brent?”

“Yep. It’s incredibly effective!”

She settles back against the wall, her free arm hugging her knees to her front and watching as Michael clenches his fingers tight around the stress ball, trying to get it to sync with his breathing.

Eleanor quietly wonders if he’s been having sessions with Tilda or Janet too.

“Wait. Is that the main reason you didn’t wanna come down here? You’re claustrophobic?” Eleanor asks.

It wasn’t simply because he didn’t want to be around her?

Michael pants and looks up; “It was the main reason, yes.”

She’ll take that, at least. She continues moving her palm in circles between his shoulder blades, feeling rather sick with guilt now.

“Shirt, Michael, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” Did Janet not know? She knew everything, surely she knew what Michael’s phobia was.

It made her paranoia rise up. What if Bad Janet was back and…? No, shut that thought out Eleanor, we’re not distrusting our friends again without good reason and solid proof.

“Don’t you have any water in your pack?” She asks him.

He shrugs off his backpack; “Just antimatter in my thermos.”

“I’ll get it.” Eleanor tugs it towards her and digs it in, letting Michael focus on squeezing the fake Brent head and taking deep inhales and exhales, his head rolled forward.

She digs into his rucksack, feeling what she swears is a jar of paperclips, a pinwheel, possibly a hamster and eventually something soft wrapped around a metal canister. She pulls it out and blinks in surprise, Michael’s haggard breathing dimming in her ears for a moment, as she stares at what his thermos has been ‘dressed’ in.

“Aww. You kept it?” She points at the crochet fire squid she had made for him, now being used as a cup holder.

He practically snatches it from her.

“Don’t read into it.” He says under his breath. “It just happens to help keep my drink extra warm and I don’t burn my stupid suit hands. Though, according to Tahani, tea cosies are supposed to go over teapots, that’s why it’s that shape!”

“But this way you get to carry it with you!” Eleanor nearly squees, as if she had just come across a random box of kittens.

Michael grimaces again.

“It’s the only one I happen to have. As I said, don't read into it.”

Oh, she does!

He’d made a show of rejecting her gift, claiming it hurt his feelings, and yet he takes it with him everywhere? Even the Minion plushie had to stay behind a sheet of glass. Eleanor feels a burst of hope in her chest for the first time in months.

She opens her own backpack and gets out her pink plastic flask.

Michael sniffs as she takes a sip; “…You took a margarita down with you on a caving trip?”

“I do have water too, genius.” She tells him, “But if any moment called for a drink, this is it! We need to cool our nerves. You, especially, fire boy.”

She offers him her own flask. He eyes it, wearily, before looking at her.

He takes one swig. Eleanor laughs, taking it back and leaning against the wall. Most uncomfortable headrest ever.

“At least I got you to calm down.” She smiles.

“Hmm. You annoying the crab outta me makes for a great distraction.” He sighs, handing her back the stress ball, curling his fingers instead around the stitching that surrounds his thermos.

Eleanor is glad that she was able to help him somehow. She hoped that put her on one small step on the road to making things up to her once best friend.

“Lemmie guess…the small spaces thing.” She questions, gently, “Remind you of…y’know…” She points downward.

He narrows his eyes; “If you’re trying to say the Bad Place, it’s actually more that way.” He points eastward, “And yes, well done. Now please drop it.”

“Okay.”

She manages to respect his wishes and keep quiet. That is until almost a minute of silence passes and she can’t hold it in anymore.

“Is it all the rocks or is it the darkness? Is it a combo of all of it together?” She asks, making him groan.

“Try to imagine being a six thousand foot tall creature living for millions of years in these great big caverns filled with smoke and lava which, to you, are still way too cramped to be comfortable in and you’re constantly getting your tentacles caught on jagged rocks or hitting your neck on something!” He almost snaps at her, “And the only ‘light’, is the fire burning off your own stinking arms! There’s no fresh air, just the rotten egg stench of sulphur and burning flesh that’s falling off all your teeth that take forever to brush!”

Eleanor bites her lip after letting him vent. That does sound pretty rough. She might not have had the most nurturing upbringing but at least she had a tv and a few cheap toys. At least she was able to go outside and play or do what she wanted, mostly because there was no one who cared enough to give her a curfew or ground her if she misbehaved.

“Yeah, I can see why you wouldn’t wanna be reminded of that.” She concedes, seeing him start to breathe deeper again, another attack highly likely. Eleanor touches his arm; “I wish you’d said something sooner, I’d have never asked you to come down here.”

He shakes his head; “I’m usually fine so long as I can keep moving. Pretty much sums up my whole existence right there. If I’m stuck, trapped, alone…that’s when it all feels…”

“Like you never even left in the first place?” Eleanor asks.

He doesn’t nod. He doesn’t need to. They understand each other all too well.

Eleanor dares to give his arm a squeeze.

“You’re not trapped. Janet’s gonna get us out and we’ll soon be breathing that sweet afterlife air and smelling your constructed daisies, bud.” She tries to reassure him; “And Michael? You’re not alone.”

She slowly moves her hand further down, fingers smoothing over his wrist.

He takes another deep breath, looking down at her hand over his. Not quite holding. Just there.

Please don’t pull away. Please, please, don’t pull away.

“I know what you’re doing, Eleanor.” He tells her.

Oh, shirt.

“You do?”

“Yeah. You’re trying to use the situation to get us to make up and go back to normal, right?” He asks her.

That was half of the whole truth, yes. She nods.

“Well, you haven’t given us a chance to talk in months. This might be the only one I get before the experiment ends and we either get sent to the Bad Place or vaporized or, who knows what if we actually win.” Eleanor confesses, the fear evident in her voice now; “I’m hardly gonna let this last opportunity slip me by.”

Three whole months. Didn’t he miss her as much as she missed him? Was he even aware how little sleep she got lately because of all the nightmares about losing him or simply being unable to get her worried brain to shut off? The guy seemed to find it so easy to be apart from her. For Eleanor it was as if someone had cut off her arm.

“You have every right to be mad at me. You have every right to hate me-.”

“Hate you?” He looks at her, appalled; “Oh….I could never do that. The mad thing, sure, but…I don’t hate you, Eleanor.”

“Really?” She asks in a small voice.

He smiles, letting out a sound that’s almost like a laugh; “Do you really think, after all we’ve been through, that you torturing me would be enough to make me hate you? If it was that easy, would we have ever become friends in the first place?”

Eleanor smiles back, feeling her heart melt.

“Good point, demon buddy.” Perhaps if they were normal than the forked up shirt they had done to each other would be enough to cut all ties and never want to see each other again.

But being normal was for suckers.

She suddenly remembers their last heated conversation; “Oh, I mean…Honorary Human Buddy.”

“You can still call me that.” He tells her, softening, “I might have…taken some of the things you said the wrong way before. Taken them too much to that non-existent heart of mine.”

“Your heart is as big as any of ours, dude, physical or not.” Eleanor says. She reaches to touch the fire squid tea cosy; “I never meant to make you feel like…this was all you were. Or that you could never change. I only ever wanted you to know that, no matter what shape you take, be it human or squid or…even a Janet, if it happens to you too, it wouldn’t change anything. You’ll always be Michael to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Does that make sense?”

He nods, smiling at the crochet pattern.

“Perfect.”

“Oh, good. I’ve been practising how to say these things for weeks! In front of the mirror, with Tilda, with Tahani.” She admits to him, shuffling a little closer until their knees are almost touching; “Jason suggested I apologise through a dance sequence? I’m way too white to pull that off.”

“You haven’t actually apologised yet, you know that, right?”

She cringes; “Oh, fork!”

Michael chuckles; “It’s okay, you don’t have to do it all in one go. I haven’t even said if I’m ready to forgive you yet.”

That deflates her a little, just when she was sure that things were starting to go well. She gives him a fearful look.

“You’re not?”

Stupid Eleanor! As if three months would be enough to get over the shirt you put him through!

Michael huffs and taps his fingers beneath her hand.

“I’m still trying to grasp how all these human emotions work. But I’m pretty sure this…icky, stinging one…the hurt…it’s still pretty strong. Too strong for me to want us to go back to how we were just yet.” He tells her, “You found out something so deep and personal to me and then used it to…”

That’s what he can’t forgive. It’s not the punching or the insults or any time she lost her temper with him. That was probably all amusing from a demon’s point of view.

It was her figuring out how he really felt.

It was her taking advantage of that to make Chidi jealous, or whatever her stupid plan had been, she wasn’t sure. She hadn’t exactly been thinking rationally in that moment or at all for those first couple of months.

“I just don’t know if I can trust you. If we can trust each other.” Michael tells her.

Wow.

Okay. Finally, Eleanor could say that she understood just how deeply those words hurt. She’s ready to pull her hand away when Michael’s turns his upward and his fingers interlock with hers.

“But...maybe we can try?” His voice breaks.

Eleanor gazes at him. Did she really hear that or is this another dream getting her hopes up?

She tightens her fingers around Michael’s. He feels real enough.

“You mean it?” She whispers, almost afraid to wish.

Michael gazes at her, his lips twitching a little as he tries to process all those emotions which even Eleanor has a difficult enough time with. She hasn’t even begun to express all the thoughts and feelings she’s been sorting through and trying to make sense of the past few months during her sessions. The fact that he’s allowing her back in after she’s given him only the very start of the apology he’s due feels like a miracle.

No way in the Bad Place was she going to waste it.

“This whole ghosting, break up thing? Man, it sucks!” Michael tells her and they laugh together; “I mean, I don’t have a clue how long it’s supposed to go on for! Am I supposed to sentence you or something? I never even had a friend to break up with before!”

Eleanor can’t say that she’s an expert on the subject. Any time she broke up with a friend on Earth that was usually it. Those types of friends were replaceable, or so she convinced herself. Not her friends here. There was definitely only one lovable dorky fire squid in this whole Universe.

“And it’s just exhausting. I get that we’re supposed to take time apart and go through that process of working out where we stand and if we can trust each other but…For the first time in forever, I don’t have forever!” He tells her, as if having only now realised what was scaring her all these weeks; “I don’t want us to go to our fates not being friends. If there was anything that could make losing to Shawn and being condemned to an eternity of torture worse, it’s that!”

“No arguments here, bud.” Eleanor agrees; “…Does this mean we’re…What does it mean?”

She doesn’t want to assume. She doesn’t want to put pressure on him to have to say everything is fine and forgiven because there’s no forking way that can be the case.

“We’ll just…start small. Once we’re back on surface level, maybe the six of us can grab some lunch. Just. One day at a time but without the awkward distancing. And maybe, in a week…a movie night? Or something?”

“Or something. I like something. Something slaps.” Eleanor feels breathless with excitement.

Holy shirt, her plan actually worked!

Michael wants them to be friends again just as much as she does. He wants to spend time with her, in the company of others rather than being left alone with her, but it was a start. He’s as sick of this as she’s been. They’re such a couple of hopeless losers. Who else would put up with them this much except for each other?

“Would it be too much too soon if I went in for a hug?” She asks.

“It most certainly would.”

She nods; “Fair enough. High five then?”

Michael grins at her and holds his palm up just as she raises hers and smacks them together.

The tiny slap sends a tinny sound echoing throughout the cave. It causes the walls to tremble and, within seconds, the ground is shaking violently again. Oh shirt, this is not supposed to happen! Or was Janet drilling her way down to them?

Michael grabs her arms and pulls them both back to their feet as the ceiling begins to crumble again.

“Quick, we gotta keep moving!” He tells her, zipping his jumpsuit back up and trying to guide her towards the narrow opening behind them.

“But what about Janet?” They’re not supposed to move.

The plan, which Michael is blissfully unaware of, is for Janet to come and find them after Eleanor finally had her chance to talk with him and try to patch things up. The first part has been successful. She panics at the thought of the rest being ruined by not getting to the ‘free them’ part at the end. But Eleanor can’t deny that she’d rather not stay in this spot any longer, especially when a huge boulder slips down and almost crushes her.

Michael grabs her, pulling her tight against him as she screams. There’s a worrying crunch, a dimming of the already little light around them. She pats her pockets and realises she left her flashlight on the ground, now smashed beneath the fallen rock. Fork!

Stupid irony.