Chapter Text
It was 3:30 on a Tuesday morning; Rey didn’t even bother to put on real pants as she went speeding down the highway to “rescue” her most important client. Correction, the son of her most important client. She was finally getting the chance to handle essential clients. When she made junior partner at Erso, Andor, Rook, and Associates, it was the product of all her hard work and personal sacrifices. All the nights in the library instead of reveling in teenage rebellion. The broken relationships because men didn’t want to be second fiddle to her ambitions.
The most important client the firm had was the tech giant Rebel Circuit. The CEO, Leia Organa-Solo, and her husband, Han Solo, started in their garage. Now, three out of five computers and laptops have some hardware or software from Rebel Circuit. Their work began to so promisingly: tapped to prepare patent applications on a few patent briefs for Leia Organa-Solo. Six months of Rey getting Mrs. Organa-Solo patents so quickly and seamlessly through government red tape. The senior partners were impressed then offered her a junior partnership.
The only caveat would be that she would be responsible, supervise, and manage the Rebel Circuit account exclusively. She didn’t see any problem being the lead in all Rebel and herself had a good working relationship. She didn’t see any reason that could change, then the phone calls started.
The first time she met Ben Solo, he was handcuffed in the back of a squad car passed out. He was picked up after crashing his car into a fountain and holding two grams of coke. He had one of the senior partner’s cards in his wallet; since he’s the son of the CEO’s biggest client, she was sent to fix this situation. She stood trying to reason with the arresting officers to release him into her custody. Looking past the officers, Ben was shirtless, shoeless, and snoring in the backseat. This weird feeling moved through her, like seeing yourself about to fall on the concrete sidewalk.
After that night, fixing Ben’s problems became part of her job and was its own full-time job. The most common calls from clubs: “Pick Ben up, or we are calling the police.” Technically, she could assign “Ben duty” to one of the other lawyers on her team. Still, she leads the team and is ultimately held responsible. So, she didn’t want to risk one of the other lawyers getting “camera happy” and sharing pictures that could be the banner lead on TMZ.
She parked in the alley near the backdoors of Lando Calrissian’s burlesques club: Blue Star. The night air was crisp with light rain falling. It was so still, almost tranquil standing outside her car if you could ignore the smell of the dumpster, stale alcohol, and urine.
Answering her cell, “Yeah, I’m here.” Then the heavy steel door swings open, a tall wide bear of a man keeps Ben upright. Ben is pretty tall himself and not by any means a slight man but, Chewy was the only man she saw that could physically handle him with ease.
“Look, my Uber driver is here” Ben’s slurring loud voice filled the air.
“Great, he’s awake.”, she sneered, clenching her teeth.
“God, Rey, you could have tried to clean up a bit. You look like sh…Fuuuck...” Chewy “accidentally” knocked into the side of her car and “gently” shoved him headfirst into the car.
She moved to close the car’s back door. “Thanks, Chewy”
She could see Ben struggling to open the door. Chewy looked at her, “Child locks?” she nodded her head. They were laughing, watching him get more and more frustrated. Not much for words, he just grunted and headed back into the club.
“You look like you could use a year off.” Lando walked out of the club, offering her his monogrammed flask.
She was sorely tempted to take a generous sip, “I better not. I don’t think my car is big enough for two dunks.”
Lando giving her a doting father look, “You should come back here some night. I’ll comp your drinks, and introduce you to all my beautiful friends. They would love you. You sorely need a little hedonism and irresponsibility in your life.”
She took a deep breath, looking over her shoulder, seeing Ben doing another bump of coke off his fist. “You’re probably right, but tonight, I’m the designated driver. I better get going.” With a strained smile, her shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world just rested on her small frame.
“Take this, and this” Lando handed her his flask and his business card.
“Lando, I can’t take this” she tried to hand the flask back.
“Nonsense Rey, you can return it when you visit me and not when you have to bailout Ben, okay. That is my card with my private number; call me if you need anything, anything at all. In the meantime, take care of yourself, Rey” He reached over to squeeze her shoulder.
“I’ll do my best. Night, Lando” Rey saw Chewy walking back out to her holding a to-go-cup.
He handed to her, “French roast, just brewed.”
“Thank you, Chewie” she got on tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek. Through the thick beard, she could almost him blush.
They were almost at his luxury apartment building. Rey looked in the review mirror, just checking that he’s not going to throw up or jump out of the back of her car. He’s was sitting there looking out the window. Thinking to herself, “Well, by the time I drop him off and then make it back home, I’ll be” Looking at the time on the dashboard flashing 3:40 am., “Oh fuck my life.”
Rubbing her tired eyes, she debated just taking a personal day or maybe two.
When they finally arrived at his apartment building, she looked in her rearview mirror to see Ben doing more coke in her car.
Feeling a ball of rage building with all the frustration and indignation of having to babysit a grown man. The rage of having to be “Ben’s Personal Fixer.” The wrath of the lack of appreciation of keeping him out of jail multiple times. She calmly turned around, looked him right into his pathetic face.
“Goddamn it, Ben, why don’t you just fucking od already?”
Holding his nose, sniffing with a look of confusion and shock on his face. “What did you just say?”
“I said, ‘Why don’t you just fucking od already,’ she said methodically with frost blanketing every syllable.
Visible shock in his blood-shot eyes, that was endlessly entertaining to Rey; he tried to get his bearings, “Hey, you can’t talk to me like….”
“I swear to god if you say ‘You can’t talk to me like that, do you know who I am’ I’ll go back there and beat you with your shoes. Don’t worry, I know you, we’ve met. You are Ben Solo: selfish, inconsiderate, lazy, self-destructive, alcoholic, junkie, and a completely spoiled brat.
He crossed his arms, “I like to have fun. What’s wrong with having fun?”
“Nothing, I guess, if you have some to clean up after you every time you make a mess.”
“Look, I don’t have a problem. You don’t see me living in an alley with a needle in my arm. I’m in complete control.” His leg started to bounce, and his whole body was fidgety.
She stares blankly at Ben, “Okay.”
“I’m in control of it.”
“Okay.”
Sounding irritated by her lack of response, “I’m a grown man. I don’t need to be told how to live my life.”
Her face doesn’t react to his defensiveness, “Okay.”
“Why do you keep saying okay?”
“I’m acknowledging your statements but not showing agreement or disagreement at the complete and utter bullshit you are telling me.”
He broke eye contact with her looking at his shoes, “You don’t know what I been through with all these expectations and my parents not giving a damn about me.”
“Oh, boo fucking woo, do you think you are the only one that didn’t get the perfect parents or the perfect childhood they deserved. Do you honestly think you are the only one that ever got disappointment or shed a tear? Grow the fuck up, Ben.”
“It was more than disappointing, they didn’t want me, and they really didn’t want to be parents” Ben ran his fingers through his thick black hair. “They just used me as a prop for the corporate Christmas Card and cocktail parties. They didn’t know who I was or cared what I was going through. They just wanted me to smile, nod, and say as little as possible.”
Scoffing at his answer, “Then answer me this: If your parents were such monsters, then why do you still spend their money? Why do you use your family name as your ‘get out of jail free” card.
“Why am I sitting here listening to this bullshit from an over-educated errand girl?” his hand reached for the door handle.
Her voice softens begrudgingly with compassion. “You are sitting there because I’m telling you the truth. I’m probably one of the only people that doesn’t care about hurting your feelings. That’s because you don’t respect me or my time. You don’t even respect yourself.”
Seeing the clock is now 4:00 am, as she is turning off the childproof lock, “Bye, Ben.”
“Hey, why don’t you come up. I can make you breakfast. We can keep talking” Ben, less than smoothy, reached overwrapping a stray curl around his finger, leaning forward, attempting to lean into her space.
Slapping his hand away pushing his face away, “Are you fucking kidding, Ben. I’m not going to fuck you. I spent the last 10 minutes calling you an emotional dumpster fire that needs rehab immediately. Read the room; this is definitely not the time to make a pass.”
“Sorry, but I could help myself. Rey, you’re gorgeous when you’re angry, cheeks flush, and eyes aflame. Your brutal honesty kinda got me hard.” He pulled on his pants to adjust himself.
Her fingers started to rub her temples, “Jesus, Ben, you need help.”
“Oh, come on, are you saying you wouldn’t have sex with me?”
Looking at the complete disheveled, sweaty mess, he is sitting in the back seat, “No, definitely have no desire to sleep with you or let you see me naked. You are a cautionary tale, an addict, and contribute nothing to the world. In short, I deserve better.” She finally turned around, waiting for him to get out of her car.
“Fair enough,” he said with embarrassment, “Bye, Rey.”
She didn’t watch to see him go into his building, reminding herself that she’s not his keeper. She saved him from getting arrested; that was the extent of her obligation.
When she got home, Rey texted her executive assistant, Rose. Asking her to clear her calendar for the next two days and email HR that she would be taking two personal days. Ray turned off her phone and laptop and stored them under her bed. The need to get out of her head after tonight was desperate. She took Lando’s flask from her purse, pouring out two fingers in a tumbler. Rey sipping, sitting on her sofa, looking out the window as the sun was coming up. Her eyes fell on the yellows and lyrical shapes of the sunrise.
Sunrises sometimes made her melancholy. It reminded her of when she was young, waiting up for her parents to come home finally. After a while, she gave up on hoping her parents would love her more than getting high. No matter how many times she would flush their stash down the toilet or hide their keys. They always got high and left her behind. Now, she wasn’t going to enable someone to kill themselves slowly. Maybe if no one saved him, he could hit rock bottom and have a chance to get clean. Finishing her drink, she toasted her dead parents, hoping they found the peace in death they couldn’t live in life. She drew the drapes, burrowed under the sheets of her bed, and fell into a dreamless sleep.
When she got back to the office, the first thing she did was develop an “on-call” schedule for handling Ben's problems. She would be the primary contact, but they would take care of whatever shenanigans Ben got into. Reasoning if this were part of Rey’s responsibility, she would be a fool not to trust and utilize her staff. There was the new Ben crisis management plan. Now all they had to do was wait for the next crisis.
For the last three months, Ben seemed to be on his best behavior. At the very least, there were not any calls to fix whatever trouble he got into. The working relationship with Leia was as professional as it always had been. The subject of Ben never came up, and she definitely didn’t feel like asking.
She was in the middle of a brief with law books covering her desk. Rose walked in with her Starbucks, messengered legal paperwork, and a stack of the mail. Sipping on her coffee going through her mail, she came across a Ben Solo letter with a New Hope Rehabilitation Center return address. Opening the letter, it was written on college-ruled spiral notebook paper in blue ink. Rey leaned back in her chair, pushing away from her work.
Rey,
I don’t know where to begin to apologize for everything. So please forgive the randomness of this letter. I felt I needed to reach out and apologize for my behavior, pretty much since we met. Also, for the pathetic way, I hit on you the last time I saw you. High, Drunk, or Sober is no excuse for my behavior.
As you can tell by the return address on the envelope, I’m in rehab. I would have emailed, but electronics are prohibited so we can concentrate on our recovery.
I would love to say that night changed my life and I woke up the next morning determined to turn my life around. Unfortunately, that is not what happened. My rock bottom actually happened months later after a 3-day bender. From what I can remember, which isn’t much, I had “friends” over at my apartment I had been using all night into the next day. Starting the following night drinking, then switching to OxyContin, I blacked out. That whole second night and next day is a total blank. Somehow I ended up outside my parents' house. They let me in. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure they would.
I had no idea how I got there or what the day was. Everything on my body hurt, not just my head. Bruises covered me, and there was blood on my shirt that wasn’t mine. I tried to eat, but I couldn’t keep anything down except water and oxygen. I took the longest best shower I ever had in my life that first night. The next morning, I asked my mom to help me find some help. That afternoon my dad drove me to rehab.
Withdraw was a little slice of hell. Therapy is not my favorite way to sent the day, but I have surrendered to the process. I want more for myself, which will take a lot of work. Finally, I feel planning for the future is actually an option for me.
This might come as a surprise but, I consider you my best friend, Rey. During that lowest point of my life, you called me out on my bullshit and told me the truth. In that car ride, you challenged me to face who I was: An Addict and Alcoholic. All those things I was too scared to face, but not anymore.
So, once I get settled and set in my sobriety. I will humbly ask to take you out for coffee and donuts: just as friends. Don’t worry if you would rather not, I would certainly wouldn’t blame you. In that case, expect a dozen of the best donuts in the city delivered to your office paid with my own money.
I actually feel hopeful and happy about the next step in the process. I needed to thank you for the role it had in making all this happen. I wish you joy and blessings.
Sincerely yours, Ben Solo
Her finger brushed over his signature to feel the impression of the pen on the page. The feeling of cautious hope swelled in her. She tucked away from the letter into her purse, then went back to her brief.