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If there's one thing Hinata is, it's affectionate. At first, Kageyama thinks it will drive him crazy having Hinata so close all the time; nobody else seems to mind it, really, it's just Kageyama who has never had much experience with physical contact from casual friend-type people. It seems like it's catching, though, some kind of weird disease Hinata passes on to everyone he forces to piggyback him, and as Kageyama's been victim to this scenario dozens of times at least, he supposes it's no surprise when he ends up touching back.
It's casual touches, like a hand on Hinata's shoulder, on his head, pinching his nose when he does something stupid (all the time). It becomes second nature to him, almost, just like he doesn't even notice half the time when Hinata's hanging onto his arm, nudging him with his knee, flopping into his lap like it's nothing.
And it is nothing, really. Hinata does this to everyone, and everyone seems to grow to accept it, to tousle Hinata's hair or grab his hand in a victory pose. Kageyama is not the only one, there's nothing different about it.
Well, there is one thing. It's a recent development, he thinks, or maybe he just hasn't noticed it until now. Lately, when he brushes against Hinata with his hand, when he touches Hinata's knee with his fingers, when he presses his palms to his cheeks to get him to focus, Hinata seems to freeze up. His eyes flicker, kind of, like he's dazed, and then he'll find some kind of excuse to bounce away. At first, Kageyama thinks it's just Hinata being Hinata, unable to sit still for five minutes, but as it consistently happens time and time and time again, Hinata shying away from Kageyama's hands, he figures out something is going on.
It's not touching in general; he's seen Hinata take a slap on the back from one of the other boys, grab allow Sugawara to ruffle his hair, things like that. And it's fine when Kageyama's close, when their legs are touching or something like that. It's just when Kageyama reaches out, when his fingers make contact with Hinata, that it's a problem.
It shouldn't bother him as much as it does.
He thinks something is wrong, at first, like maybe he's done something to offend Hinata. Had he been too touchy? But that can't be it, because Hinata's as clingy and physically affectionate as ever. He just simply won't let Kageyama's hands linger on him for too long.
The final straw is one day, when Hinata pulls a muscle jumping. Kageyama's the first person there, kneeling over him, stretching his leg out with his hands and Hinata's actually flinching away from him. Kageyama hates it. He hates the feeling that the one person he's closest too doesn't want to be touched by him. He is going to get to the bottom of this, to make Hinata admit what's going on with him and stop acting weird; seeing Suga and Daichi fuss over his leg without Hinata batting an eye is getting on his very last nerve. Why is it only him that Hinata has a problem with?
He's going to find out.
Xxx
Hinata ends up benched for the day, ordered to rest his leg and given permission to play again tomorrow if it feels better. He pouts but listens, and this is Kageyama's opportunity. He's going to walk Hinata home, like always, and then he's going to offer to stay over, to help him make sure his leg is fine by tomorrow morning.
At least, that was the plan. It's Hinata who ends up asking him to stay, tugging him inside and up to his room before Kageyama really is able to do anything other than grunt in affirmation and take off his shoes. It's always like this, Hinata whisking him away into whatever he pleases, and he feels sort of grumpy about it, even if it's going according to his plan. The feeling of Hinata's small fingers wrapped around his wrist only makes him more and more aware of the thing that's been bothering him, and by the time they've reached Hinata's room and Hinata is flopped onto his bed, he feels like he's going to snap.
“Hinata,” he says, planting himself in the middle of the room. This is it. “Let me see your leg.”
Hinata looks up at him, sprawled on his bed, and then sits up. He stretches his leg out, and Kageyama feels a weird twist in his stomach as he gets closer. He's going to find out what's going on. He reaches out, down, fingers about to brush the smooth skin where it disappears into his shorts-
And Hinata jerks away.
“What the fuck is your problem?” It comes rushing out, and Kageyama knows he probably looks and sounds absolutely terrifying, but he doesn't care. “Do you hate me that much or something?”
“I don't hate you!” Hinata looks absolutely shocked, and a little guilty. “I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You haven't been letting me touch you for weeks.” Kageyama's fingers twitch because the more he's not allowed to, the more he really wants to touch Hinata, and it's weird. Hinata is weird, Hinata's making him weird, and he is going to wring his neck. “And don't think I haven't noticed, because you let Nishinoya's hands all over your leg earlier, and you won't even let me touch it.”
There's definite guilt on Hinata's face now. “That's not...it's not like...I don't want you to? It's just weird, okay?” Kageyama watches, eyes narrowed, as Hinata pulls his legs up into his chest. “My leg doesn't even hurt that bad, so-”
“Dumbass, it's not even about your leg!” Kageyama glares. “Why won't you let me touch you?”
Hinata's face is getting red, from his nose to his cheeks to the tips of his ears, and he's looking down. He sort of looks like he's about to cry, and Kageyama feels a twinge of guilt himself, but he's not going to let this slide because of Hinata's kicked puppy routine. “Well? If you're not going to answer, let me see your damn leg. I just want to help.”
With the word “help”, Hinata's looking up at him. It's rare that Kageyama states outright his intentions like that, and Kageyama knows it, knows Hinata knows it, and he feels his cheeks coloring, but he doesn't back down. He is going to touch Hinata's leg before he leaves, and that's that. Even if he has to wrestle him to the ground.
And then Hinata's slowly lowering his legs, stretching them out in front of him, hands sliding to rest on the sheets next to his thighs. “Fine,” he says, and his face is still red. “There. I told you it's okay, I could have kept playing,” and he sounds a little sullen. Kageyama knows how much Hinata hates missing a chance to play.
Kageyama's on his knees next to Hinata's leg, and this is it. He's going to touch him, and he's not going to allow Hinata to move away. He reaches his hand out, and for the first time in a while, he makes contact with Hinata's warm skin without the other boy pulling back. His leg twitches a little, but it's progress, and Kageyama looks at his fingers on the muscles of Hinata's thigh.
“Are you satisfied?” Hinata's staring down at him, looking like he's focusing very hard on something. “See, I don't care if you touch me.”
“So you won't care if I do this, then,” Kageyama says, and he brings his other hand up, grips Hinata's leg, starts kneading the muscle. He can't stand Hinata skipping practice almost as much as Hinata, and this really does stem from wanting to help, as embarrassing as it is to admit. When his fingers move, though, he can feel Hinata's leg shaking with the effort of not pulling away, and his head snaps up.
What he is not expecting to see is Hinata's hazy gaze watching his hands, cheeks red with some sort of effort. He's worrying his lip with his teeth. There's something definitely up with him.
“Hinata,” Kageyama says. Hinata doesn't move, so he repeats himself. “Hinata.”
His gaze finally snaps up, like he's just remembered Kageyama's in the room. “Uh?”
“If you don't like me touching you, just say it.” As much as Kageyama wishes that weren't the case, it seems like that's what it's turning into, and even though his stomach drops with anxiety, he doesn't want to do anything that Hinata isn't comfortable with.
He watches at Hinata takes a deep breath, fists the sheets at his sides. “It's not that. I...like it when you do. I like it a lot.”
Kageyama's looking at him, brows knitted, wondering what the problem is, then, if he likes it. He can see Hinata recognizing his thought pattern, and the shorter boy sighs. His face is even redder than before, if it's possible, but he keeps talking.
“You have nice hands,” he's saying, and Kageyama's hands still. “Sometimes...I like to just watch them. The way you toss to me and stuff. It's kinda always been like that, but lately, when you touch me, it makes me feel funny.” He glances away again. “I want you to do it more, but it's also weird, so it's probably for the best if you don't do it.”
He should stop, Kageyama knows. He should listen to what Hinata's saying him, or trying to say to him, he should recognize the way Hinata's skin is heating up even under his fingers, and he definitely should move his hands away. He doesn't want to. He keeps hearing Hinata's words (“You have nice hands”, “I want you to do it more”) as he looks down at where his fingers rest against Hinata's skin.
He moves his hands up. Just a little, to the hem of Hinata's shorts.
There is a telling gasp, Hinata's breath catching in his throat as he cuts his words off with a snap of his teeth, and suddenly there's head flooding to Kageyama's face, because he gets it now. He gets why it's weird, and why Hinata doesn't think he should keep doing this.
He doesn't want to stop.
“Hinata,” he finds himself saying, hating the way his voice sounds uncertain. “Let me take care of your leg.”
“I can do it myself,” Hinata starts to say, but then their eyes meet, and he falls silent. They look at each other for a minute, and Kageyama wills Hinata to stop asking questions and just let him do it, and he's rewarded with a small nod.
Kageyama slides his fingers a little higher, uncertain, until they're beneath the hem of Hinata's shorts. He can feel the muscle tensing beneath his hands, the way Hinata's gaze is absolutely glued to his fingers, and he presses them into the soft skin that he has never touched before, not this high. He feels Hinata shudder through his fingertips.
“Does it hurt?” He looks up, and Hinata has that weird glassy-eyed look he's had sometimes lately, when Kageyama's fingers linger on his arm too long. He shakes his head. Kageyama digs his fingers in deeper; he's pretty good at massaging, if he says so himself. He's never done this for Hinata, never really thought about it, but right now it's suddenly the only thing he wants to do. He wants to touch higher, to feel skin he's never felt before. He's thinking about all the places on Hinata he hasn't touched yet.
“Kageyama.” Hinata's voice sounds strained, and Kageyama looks up. “You should probably stop now, my leg feels fine, I'll take a hot bath and then-”
Kageyama inches his fingers higher, flattening his palms against the skin and dragging them up, and the noise that escapes Hinata's throat is definitely one he has never, ever heard before. He doesn't think anyone else has, either. He hopes nobody else has.
“Seriously, Kageyama, that's enough.” Hinata's folding into himself, gripping Kageyama's wrist with his hand. His palms feel sweaty, and his grip isn't strong. He notices the way Hinata's trying to curl his knee up against his chest, and for some reason, he follows the line of his raised thigh down, down-
Hinata is getting hard.
Kageyama immediately releases Hinata's leg, which he draws up against himself, wrapping his arms around. He looks like he's about to cry, and that's not the way Hinata should look at all, ever. Kageyama wants to reach out to him and tell him it's okay, but that's what's gotten them into this mess in the first place.
“I told you!” Hinata's whining, burying his face in his knees. “It's not like I did it on purpose, okay? It's the last thing I'd ever...I can't control what my body does, you know? I told you I didn't think you should touch me, that's why I haven't wanted you to! And you had to go and be a dumbass jerkface and touch me anyway, even after I told you why, so you can't be mad at me, I'll hate you forever-”
Taking a deep breath, Kageyama leans forward and puts a hand on Hinata's knee, very gently. He's not so great at being gentle, but he thinks he can do it for Hinata.
“Hey,” he says, trying to keep his voice soft. “It's okay. I get it.”
“You don't!” Hinata peeks out at him, glaring. “You're such a jerk! And you're still touching me!”
“I know I'm touching you, dumbass!” Kageyama snaps. So much for keeping his voice soft. “I don't give a shit if you have a tent in your pants, okay!?”
Hinata wails and shoves his face back against his knees. “Don't say it like that!”
He's being absolutely, positively stupid, and Kageyama's had it. If Hinata liked being touched (by him, by Kageyama) he should have said so, and Kageyama wants to tell him that, to tell him he doesn't care if Hinata gets off on being touched like that, as long as it's only Kageyama doing the touching. He can't say that, though, just thinking about saying it makes his throat burn and close up, so he does the next best thing.
Maybe it's not the best thing, but he's pinning Hinata to his bed anyway; Kageyama's not always the best at thinking on his feet outside of volleyball. He goes with it, like he's going now, and prays it'll turn out okay.
Hinata is blinking up at him, shock having wiped the ashamed glare off his face. His hair is fanned around his head, and Kageyama just wants to look at him like this, his eyes glossy (he'd seriously been about to cry, what an idiot) and his cheeks stained red.
“It's fine if it's me,” he manages to choke out. He knows he's still glaring, he can't help the way his face is sometimes, and the more Hinata stares, the warmer his face feels.
He still doesn't get it. Kageyama doesn't know how to make him.
So he does the first thing he thinks of. He raises one of his arms from where it's caged Hinata in, slides it down between them; his fingers stop right above the bulge in Hinata's gym shorts. He doesn't know if this is the right thing to do, but Hinata said...
He presses down.
Hinata makes that noise again, and his head is tilting back. His eyes are wide and he almost knees Kageyama in the stomach, but he doesn't try to move away, and Kageyama can feel Hinata's hips rising against the touch.
He looks really small like this, underneath Kageyama, chest rising and falling unnaturally. He feels something warm in his chest, and it's like he's no longer in control of what his traitor hand is doing, feeling along the outline of Hinata's dick in his shorts (oh my god, that's seriously his dick) and when he strokes it with his fingers, Hinata cries out again and jerks up.
“Kageyama,” he's hissing, and Hinata is loud and Kageyama somehow isn't surprised at all. He just feels fondly exasperated. Kageyama doesn't mind it, but Hinata's mother is still home and his sister might hear, and so he can only think to take his free hand and bring it up to cover Hinata's mouth.
That might not have been the greatest idea, because Hinata's moaning against his palm, and the feeling is going straight to Kageyama's own dick. It's nice to know that part of him is as traitorous as his hand. It's muffling, a bit, but not quite enough. He can feel Hinata's warm breath puffing out of his open mouth, and then he has a really, really weird and completely probably gross idea. He slips one of his fingers into Hinata's mouth.
Hinata seems way too eager at this point, lips closing around Kageyama's finger, and it's hotter than it should be. He can feel a tongue against the pad, and he grinds the palm of his other hand down against the part of Hinata that's become increasingly hard under his fingers.
This is so weird.
Kageyama doesn't really care.
It only takes a few more presses of his fingers against Hinata's dick, another slipped past his lips, for Hinata's hips to jerk up once, twice, and then he's coming with a strangled noise around Kageyama's fingers. He falls back against his sheets, limp and pliant. Kageyama has no idea what to do with himself now that this has happened.
He wipes his fingers on his shorts. He should be grossed out by the spit, by the fact that his fingers had been in Hinata's mouth, by the actual idea that Hinata's just come all over the inside of his shorts because of Kageyama's willing administrations. He's not. He just feels warm and weirdly sated, even though he's done nothing for himself.
Kageyama glances back at Hinata, who is looking at him. His face is red, and he has some stray drool on his chin, but he looks really...okay. He looks okay. Maybe more than okay, but Kageyama's not quite ready to go there yet, his mind is still reeling.
“Um,” Hinata says. He looks away, and he sounds embarrassed. “Sorry.”
“Don't apologize, dumbass. I was the one touching you.” Kageyama looks away too, reminded of what Hinata had said about being touched by him.
“I thought you would be grossed out.” Hinata peeks back up at him. “I was kind of grossed out by it. I mean, I'm not anymore!” He sounds a little frantic and Kageyama thinks he must be making a face that matches the nerves in his stomach. “I just thought you would be?”
Kageyama doesn't really know what to do in this situation, but he knows that he likes touching Hinata, that he hates not touching Hinata, and he's weirdly okay with whatever happens if he touches Hinata. “Is it just with me?” he asks instead.
Hinata's nod is really the only answer he needs.
“Then don't move away when I try to touch you, dumbass. And say what you want, next time. I...hate it when you avoid me.”
There's suddenly a warm hand on his wrist and the room tilts sideways as he's pulled down and enveloped in a slightly too-warm hug. Hinata smells like volleyball and fresh air, and his hair is soft against Kageyama's cheek.
“I won't move away if you...” Hinata's voice cracks a little. “If you...are okay with touching me.”
And Kageyama snorts. “If I wasn't okay with it, I wouldn't still be here and I wouldn't have just gotten you off through your shorts.”
Hinata ends up trying to wrestle him to the floor until he realizes his pants are very, very uncomfortable and falls back with an ashamed blush on his face. He makes Kageyama turn around while he gets changed, despite Kageyama's hand just having been on his crotch, and then forces Kageyama to stay over. Although he grumbles about it, Kageyama doesn't really mind calling his mom and telling her he's staying at his friend's house, ignoring Hinata sprawled across his lap in his childish attempt to get Kageyama to agree with him.
And this time, when Kageyama's fingers rake through his hair, Hinata doesn't move away. It's a little weird, hearing the way his breath catches in his throat, but exploratory touches down his neck and over his shoulders more than make up for it. Kageyama thinks he can get used to this. As long as he's the special case.