Work Text:
It went to shit faster than you could ever comprehend. One moment, you and Tommy were cracking jokes. The next, you were on the ground with a gun pointed at your head.
Tommy stood a safe distance away. His hands were up high in the air. Your head was pressed into the ground.
“Listen, friend,” Tommy tried to bargain, “I don’t know how you ended up here, but you don’t have to do this. We got a town a few miles from here. Why don’t you come down there with us?” Tommy started to take a step forward, a fact that the man above you did not like.
He pushed the gun against your cheek. Your eyes fell to your knife. It was only a foot away from you, but the man had you pinned. You let out a sob. You couldn’t die here, not like this. How the hell did you and Tommy miss this guy? How did he get the drop on you? It can’t end like this, because of a careless mistake.
“Take another step and I fucking kill her,” the man growled.
“Tommy, please,” you cried.
”Please,” Tommy whispered, “Nobody has to die here.” As he spoke, his arms subconsciously lowered. A mistake.
“Put your fucking hands up.”
He pressed the barrel so hard that it slipped, bumping into your nose and sliding off of your face. He readjusted, pressing the barrel right up against your temple.
“Please, don’t do this,” you cried. Both Tommy and the man seemed surprised at your outburst. Tommy’s arms fell a bit, while the man loosened his grip on the gun. “Please.”
The man grabbed your jaw, turning you to look him in his scowling face. You couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes, though, too afraid to face your killer.
The man leaned in to whisper in your ear. “And why should i do that?” He asked.
“I-“ You opened your eyes to look at Tommy. His hand was slowly lowering to his holster. “I’m pregnant,” you whispered.
You don’t know why you said it. It was a confession in the midst of panic. You hadn’t told anyone, but in this dire situation, it slipped. Both Tommy and the man froze. Luckily, you were able to grab your knife and stuck it in the man’s throat.
You shoved his body off of you and jumped away. “Fuck,” you whimpered, “that was too close.” You took a moment to recompose, then grabbed the man’s bag and searched through it. “Do you think he was alone?”
Tommy didn’t answer. You frowned and turned to look at him. He was pale, staring at you with wide eyes. “Tommy-“
“Are you?”
Right. Your little confession.
You ran a hand across your face. “Yeah,” it came out as a whisper.
“Does Joel know?”
You scoffed. “Joel? Are you kidding me, Tommy? If Joel knew, I wouldn’t be out on patrol.”
There was nothing useful in the man’s bag. You tossed it aside and looked at Tommy. He was pacing.
“Do you plan on telling him anytime soon?” He asked. He stopped pacing to help you stand. Tommy’s grip remained on your upper arms as he waited for you to speak.
“Eventually,” you said, “I want to break it to him slowly.” You brushed Tommy off and began to head back on the patrol trail. “You know how he is, Tommy. He’s not ready.”
Tommy sighed, “How long do you plan on keeping this secret, hm? A day? A week? It’s only a matter of time until your pants stop fitting.”
You stopped and turned around. “I’ll tell him when I’m ready.” You continued on your way back to town. Tommy was hot on your heels, stomping like a goddamn elephant.
“How long have you known?” Does he ever shut up?
“The doc told me on Wednesday.” Tommy cursed behind you, and you finally stopped to look at him. “What?” You spat, “Can you not tell that I don’t want to talk about this?”
Tommy spoke slowly, “I understand you not telling Joel yet. I really do; however, you could’ve died today. Quite frankly, and I’m going to be selfish when I say this, but I can not have that on my mind.” Tommy was right, but you’d never admit it.
“Promise me,” he said, “that if you’re not going to tell Joel- because of Sarah, the infection, or some other reason you two have- at least promise me that you’re not going to let yourself get hurt.”
You inhaled deeply though your nose. Nodding, you said, “I promise, as long as this stays between us.”
Tommy nodded, “I promise.”
Joel laughed hard at some story that Tommy and Maria were telling. His cheeks were flushed slightly, like they always do after a few beers. His hand squeezed your shoulder slightly. You, however, only chuckled at the occasional punchline.
You four were at one of Jackson’s many night events, tucked away in a private corner. The younger population danced, slightly inebriated, on the floor. Joel, Tommy, and Maria drank beers, while you conservatively sipped water (“Last time I drank at one of these things, I couldn’t get out of bed until sunset.”).
“I swear,” Maria said, finishing up the story, “that kid was a riot.“
“We need more kids around here,” Tommy said. You froze, eyes meeting him in a warning stare. “Don’t you think?”
Maria nodded. “I would love more kids in Jackson,” she finished her beer and looked at you and Joel, “And I would love even more to be an aunt.”
Joel’s hand tensed on your shoulder. Instead of responding, he took a sip of his beer. Your fears were confirmed: Joel did not want kids. Despite this, your blood boiled. Did Tommy spill? You were able to stifle your thoughts to force a smile. “I’m sure you would,” you said. You eyed Maria and Tommy carefully. Tommy was wiggling his eyebrows at you, while Maria didn’t seem any more invested in the idea of kids than a casual sisterly-teasing. So Maria doesn’t know.
Joel finally spoke, “I don’t think that kids are anywhere in our future.”
Of course.
Maria didn’t seem to sense the death stares that you were sending Tommy, and stood up. “I’m going to grab some more beers.”
Tommy, throwing a sickly smile your way, stood up, “I’ll come with.”
You watched Tommy and Maria walk off. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves, and you shifted further into Joel’s side.
“What’s their deal?” Joel muttered.
You sighed, “No clue.” You began to feel lightheaded. “Listen, Joel, I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to head back home.”
Joel seemed surprised, but began to get up. “Okay, well-“
“No, no,” you put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “You don’t need to leave. I don’t want to interrupt your evening.” You planted a kiss on his cheek and pat his shoulder.
“You sure?” Joel asked. You could tell that he was worried. His brows knit together and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.
“I’m sure.”
You examined yourself in the mirror. You stood in a bra and a pair of sweatpants. You turned to the side and examined your figure. You could swear that your belly was pushing out slightly more than usual. Tommy was right- you didn’t have much longer until you were showing.
You heard the front door open and sighed. Joel came home earlier than you expected. You pulled on one of Joel’s sweaters and sat down on the bed.
Joel stuck his head into the room and smiled at you. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey, handsome.”
Joel slipped in the room. He began to undress, slipping off his jacket and kicking off his shoes. “You left awfully quick,” he said. Joel took off his jeans and joined you on the bed.
“Yeah,” you said, “I was tired.”
“And you’re still awake?” Joel knew something was up. It was only a matter of time. He was a smart man, and he was always watchful of you. It also didn’t help that Tommy has never been subtle in his life, and he pulled quite the stunt at the dance earlier.
“Yeah,” you whispered, “The walk home took a bit longer than usual. I just finished getting ready.”
Joel didn’t buy it, but he still threw an arm over you and pulled you in close. You practically melted into his side, resting your head on his shoulder.
“You know,” he started, “you can tell me anything.”
“I know,” you said somberly. “It’s not if I’m telling you, it's just...” Your words melted into quiet sobs.
Joel didn’t speak. Instead, he pulled you into a tight hug. He let you ride out your fit, running a hand up and down your back. He had to know something was up by now, especially since you had practically admitted it. You just didn’t know if you could tell him.
Once you finally calmed down, Joel placed a kiss on your forehead. You wiggled out of his grasp to face him on the bed. You grabbed his hands in yours and sighed. Your breathing was still shaky, but you spoke, “What do you know?”
“Well, for starters, you and Tommy have been acting strange all night,” Joel’s thumb ran over the back of your hand. “I also know that he wouldn’t look me in the eyes after your patrol yesterday, and I feel like it’s not just because of that hunter you came across.”
You pulled your hand away to rub at your face, “Is that it?”
“That, and the fact that you got awfully nervous when Tommy and Maria brought up kids.”
You began to cry again, but this time you pushed Joel away when he tried to comfort you. This is stupid, you thought. You didn’t want to cry; you felt weak. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. You sat there for a short while, simply thinking.
This would change everything. You were indifferent when it came to the possibility of kids, but Joel was not. He made it very clear to you that he didn’t want them. He had Sarah, whose ending scarred him for years. Then there was Ellie, who he let in tentatively as a means of moving on. Yet, he was too afraid to let her go, and now he must pick up the pieces of their relationship as a consequence. After his relationship with Ellie fell apart, Joel finally gave up on kids. You understood completely. After all, would it really be safe to have kids in a world like this? Then again, Jackson was different. Dozens of kids were born and raised there, and they were just fine. Kids wouldn’t be terrible, but Joel wasn’t ready. What is he going to say?
“I would do anything to know what you’re thinkin’,” Joel said, fingers tangled in his lap.
“I’m pregnant.”
Joel’s expression was unreadable. He simply leaned back on the bed and crossed his arms. His eyes ran up and down your body. He inhaled deeply from his nose, “How long have you known?”
The room was spinning. Your hands gripped the sheets below you in a futile attempt to ground yourself. Luckily, you hadn’t been nauseous during the pregnancy so far. You just hoped that nausea wouldn’t rear its ugly head at that moment. “Uh,” you swallowed, “just... just about a week.” Your voice was weak, and your mouth was dry.
“So Tommy and Maria know? That’s what everything was about earlier?” Joel was still stoic. If you weren’t in the midst of a frenzy, you would have maybe cracked a joke about him looking like a statues.
“Just Tommy.” Joel inhaled again, but he didn’t speak this time. You took this as your chance to explain, “He found out when we had the incident with the hunter yesterday.” Joel’s jaw was clenched.
“Joel,” you whispered, “I can’t even imagine what you’re thinking right now, and I’m sorry- I really am. Neither of us expected this and-“ Your words came out quicker and quicker as you continued, panicking slightly. “-And I know that this is such a touchy topic, and you didn’t really want to have any more, but-“
Joel got up from your bed, and you collapsed into sobs. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. Of all of the scenarios you imagined, this was not one. Was he really leaving? You couldn’t bring yourself to get up and see where he was going. Instead, you sat on the bed, crying like a baby- ironic. Just as you began to calm down, the bed sank next to you. You felt a hand run up and down your back.
“Come on,” Joel whispered. His voice was hoarse. Was he crying, too? “Sit up, honey.”
Joel helped you sit up. When you did, you noticed the large box that he had in his lap. He pulled you into his side and planted a kiss on your cheek. “Tommy went back to Texas a few years back, and he picked up some stuff from my old house. It wasn’t much, just a lot of pictures, family items, and-“ Joel grabbed the lid off of the box and tossed it aside, “-this.”
You peered into the box. In it were various children and baby toys. They all rested on a yellow blanket, embroidered to say ‘Sarah’. Your fingers delicately brushed against the stitching. “Joel,” you whispered.
“I kept this box locked up in that damn attic for so long,” Joel said. He cried softly as he spoke. “Then, you said you were pregnant, and I just know that the Lord is giving me another chance. I know that the baby ain’t her, and I will never try to make it her. I just feel... I feel like I can start over now and do what I couldn’t.”
You grabbed the box and placed it next to you on the bed. You then grabbed Joel and pulled him into a crushing embrace. The two of you stayed like that for a long while. You cried together, out of fear and hope for what is to come. Joel held you so hard that you swore you would have bruises on your back the next morning. Even if you did, it wouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of what is coming for you two. Joel always told Ellie to find something to keep fighting for, and in that moment, as you sat in a lover’s embrace, you knew that he found something new to fight for.