Chapter Text
In order, Dean, Castiel, Hannah, Benny, Jo, Charlie, Gabriel and Crowley sat around the booth at their favorite place to study; Billie's Coffee Shop. The place was full of booths and tables, the walls a leather brown color, and random supernatural artifacts. The group was sitting in one of the larger booths, although Castiel and Dean were sitting a bit closer than the others. Castiel held Dean's hand in his lap and they exchanged sly smiles with one another when no one was looking. Or so they thought no one was looking.
"God, get a room you two," Jo stuck her tongue out at them.
"You guys have only been dating for two months but you're already insufferable," Charlie rolled her eyes, smiling.
"Charlie, keep you voice down a little," Dean chuckled nervously. His eyes darted around the room, making sure no one was looking at them.
"Aw come on, you know I'm just teasing you," she grinned.
"Yeah I know," Dean brought his focus back to the table. "So, you guys are all coming to Sam's birthday party on Saturday, right?"
"Of course," Crowley said, looking up from his phone.
"Are you going?" Hannah turned to Castiel.
"Yes, I wouldn't miss it." He looked over at Dean, but his blue eyes seemed a bit less vibrant.
"Well, I'll be there," Benny said in his strong Louisiana accent.
"Same," Charlie gave him the "okay" sign.
"No can do, Deano. Got a date with Kali on Saturday," Gabriel clicked his tongue and winked.
"I can't either, I have work with my mom," Jo shrugged. "Sorry."
"It's okay, tell her I said hi." Dean nodded.
"I will," Gabriel and Jo said in unison. Jo glanced over at him, disdain in her eyes. Gabriel shrugged, his arrogance surrounding him. And suffocating everyone else.
"I was talking to Jo," Dean sighed.
The owner, and head waitress, Billie walked over to the booth. Dean quickly removed his hand from Castiel's and grabbed a menu. Castiel sighed and looked up at Billie.
"What can I get everyone this afternoon?" She held a notepad in her hand, but she never used it.
"I'll have an O' Death, large." Dean smiled.
"Of course, and for your boyfriend?" She looked at Castiel.
"Oh no he's not- we're not -"
"My apologies, I can get you all a bigger booth if you'd like. So then you don't have to be so close together," Tessa gestured toward the back of the shop.
"No, we're okay thank you. But I'll have a medium iced mocha, please." Castiel's face had fallen. He looked to Dean, who had become very concerned about a small chip in the table.
"I'll have that too," Hannah chimed in.
"I'll just have a coffee, black." Benny ordered.
"Where's your sense of whimsy, Benny?" Charlie smiled, "I'll have a Reaper, with extra whipped cream."
"Me too," Jo looked from Charlie to Billie.
"I'll just have tea, with honey and a splash of milk." This time Crowley didn't look up from his phone.
"Alright, coming right up you guys." Billie put away her empty notepad and walked back to the kitchen. They all knew their orders would be perfect.
They continued talking, jumping from upcoming tests to who would win at pool to college to unpopular music opinions. In fact, they didn't even notice when Billie dropped their drinks off.
"Bon Jovi rocks... on occasion," Dean raised his eyebrow at everyone, watching their expressions change because they knew he was right. "See, what'd I tell ya, my music taste is impeccable."
"Who taught him the word impeccable?" Jo murmured.
"Hey I know things," Dean tried to defend himself but everyone's eyes wouldn't quite reach his. "Aw c'mon. Cas? You too?"
Cas looked down at Dean, "I'm afraid so, yes."
"I can't believe this."
"Don't worry, Deano. Not everyone can possess such well versed vernaculars, such as mine for example." Gabriel attempted to put his feet on Crowley's lap, but Crowley not-so-gently pushed his legs down. Gabriel almost fell, but somehow managed to only let his demeanor fall for a split second before his regular prideful look returned.
"Whatever," Dean rolled his eyes.
"Oh did you guys here that Balthazar absolutely hates that Celine Dion song?" Jo laughed.
"The one from Titanic?" Hannah asked.
"That's the one. He can't stand it." Jo shook her head, smiling.
"I heard the whole track team changed their ringtones to it, just to piss him off," Benny cut in.
"I'd believe it," Castiel took a drink of his iced coffee. He and Dean hadn't returned to holding hands.
"Well, as much as I loved this little 'study session', I must be off," Crowley put his phone in his jacket pocket.
"Yeah I should get going too," Charlie set her drink down.
The group burst out in talk of doing the same. Their cups clinked against the table as everyone prepared to leave.
"Remember, Sam's party is at 1 p.m. on Saturday." Dean looked everyone in the eyes.
"Got it," Hannah walked past him. "See you there, Castiel."
"Sorry again, Dean. Maybe next time." Jo smiled and walked away.
"I'm not, this could be the date of a lifetime." Gabriel had a sly grin on his face.
"Ew," Dean squinted.
Gabriel winked at him then glanced to Castiel, "You riding with me or him?"
"I'll ride with Dean," Cas motioned.
"Your loss, Cassie." Gabriel readjusted his bag and left.
"See ya there, guys," Benny patted Dean on the shoulder as he walked by.
Dean smiled at Cas, "Shall we?" Cas nodded and they walked out together, but still not holding hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They were about halfway from Cas's house when he looked over at Dean, "Can I ask you something?"
Dean's heart pounded, "Shoot."
"Why did you tell Billie we weren't dating?"
"It's just, my dad goes there, you know? I don't want her to mention us offhand and then him find out-"
"Your dad doesn't know about us?"
"No way, not a chance. Does yours?"
"Of course. I told him as soon as we made it official."
"Oh."
Castiel turned back towards the windshield and stared out at the road, "Will you ever be open about us?"
"I don't know."
They drove the rest of the way in silence. Dean would glance over at Cas, but Castiel never returned the gesture.
The time for Sam's birthday party came quickly, his friends and their families congregated in Lawrence City Park. They set out picnic blankets and put the presents on a nearby bench. Naturally Dean's was the biggest. His gift sat iinside a huge, shiny blue bag with an oversized bow on top. The number 14 was written in bubble letters on the side.
Sam stared at Dean's gift, "You know, I'm not a little kid anymore Dean."
"Yeah, but you still love it." Dean rested his arm on Sam's shoulder. Sam rolled his eyes, but smiled.
"Hey, where's Dad? He'll kill me if we start without him."
"I'm sure he'll show up any minute now. Just go have fun with your friends." Dean gave Sam a slight push before walking towards his own group.
Castiel, Crowley, Charlie, Hannah,and Benny all sat at a picnic table near the playground. Hannah sat scrunched up near Cas, though there was plenty of room on the other side of the bench. Dean came over and took the empty seat across from his boyfriend.
“Sammy’s fourteen now. Fourteen. I feel like just yesterday he was some snot nosed little kid, but he’s in high school now,” Dean stared off at his little brother. “What happened?”
“Uh, time?” Charlie answered.
“Shut up,” Dean scoffed, but he smiled.
“Where’s your old man?” Benny asked.
“He’ll be around soon, probably off at the nearest bar. Or liquor store. Or both.” Dean shrugged.
“Well then this is okay, right?” Cas reached across the table for Dean..
Dean smiled, and grabbed Castiel’s hands, “Yeah, it is.”
Hannah took a deep breath and scooted away from Cas, “God, you two are something else.”
“Jealous much?” Crowley side eyed her.
“What? No.”
“Are you-”
“Drop it, Crowley.”
Dean’s eyes darted from Crowley to Hannah, then Hannah to Cas. He held Cas’s hands a little tighter.
“Dean, dad’s here!” Sam called out.
Dean quickly withdrew his hands and got out of his seat. He saw his dad walking toward the picnic blanket where all the other kids and parents were sitting. No present in his hands, just a beer. An almost empty one, too. Which meant John would be heading out as soon as he could to get another drink.
Dean looked back at his friends, “C’mon guys, let’s get this party started.”
They watched as Sam unwrapped present after present, tearing through them faster than a tornado through an empty field. That is, until he got to Dean’s present. Then, he carefully removed the bow and gently set it aside. Sam did the same with the tissue paper. Then he reached in and pulled out Dean’s gift; a complete, collector’s edition set of The Lord of the Rings.
Sam jumped up and hugged his brother, “Thank you!!!”
“Of course, Sammy,” Dean hugged back. “Hey, just don’t read them until after the party. Have fun with your friends before you hide away in your room for a week finishing those.”
“Please, it won’t take me a week.” Sam pulled away.
“Whatever, go have fun,” Dean let go and Sam ran off to devour his birthday cake.
Cas walked up behind Dean and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “That was kind of you.”
“It’s the least I could give him,” Dean looked over at Cas. Cas slid his hand down Dean’s arm when Dean pulled Cas’s hand away, “Not here.”
“Dean-”
“No, Cas. I can’t let…” He pulled Castiel away from the party, “I can’t let my dad see. You don’t understand.”
“You’re right Dean, I don’t. Explain it to me.”
“I… I can’t.”
“Why not? You always say that, but why not?”
“I just can’t, okay?!”
“Well, I can’t do this, Dean?”
“Do what?”
“Us.”
“But Cas, c’mon man. You can’t be serious.” Dean’s eyes welled up.
“I’m afraid I am.”
“So what? You just suddenly don’t have feelings anymore?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what is it, Cas?”
I feel like I’m being forced back into the closet again, Dean! And it’s not a good feeling.” Cas inhaled deeply, “I need you to figure out what you want, how you feel, all of this. Then we can try again. But until then, I think it’s better if we just stay friends from now on.” Castiel took a step backward. He started to walk towards the group but turned around to Dean, “You can’t say I never felt anything for you. I think I always will. But how can I know you feel the same?”
“I do, Cas.” A single tear rolled down Dean’s cheek.
“Well, you sure didn’t show it,” Cas sighed. “I’m not trying to force you to come out to your dad. I’m not cruel. I just can’t be your boyfriend knowing you’re ashamed to even say that word. If you can prove me wrong, then I’ll apologize. We can forget this ever happened. Just say it. Say ‘We’re boyfriends’.”
Dean looked around nervously. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Castiel looked down at his feet, then back up to Dean’s eyes, “Goodbye, Dean.” Cas turned around and walked away, leaving Dean frozen in place with tears falling down his face. Laughter filled the air around him, and suddenly Dean felt more out of place than he’d ever been in his entire life.
I need you to figure out what you want, how you feel, all of this.
All. Of. This.