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Shepard really doesn’t like the phrase “The end justifies the means.”. It’s very negatively connoted.
As far as she’s concerned the means don’t have to be justified as long as a good end is achieved. If the end makes everything better for the most people, the means shouldn’t matter. She has been getting to put that philosophy into practice lately.
Killing the Rachni Queen is a no-brainer. She’s dangerous and she will remain dangerous if she isn’t neutralized. Liara is of course horrified by her decision, but Wrex agrees with her. Shepard wishes, not for the first time, that everyone could think a little more like the Krogans. Or the Turians for that matter.
She has found a good friend in Garrus, someone she feels she can trust. Something about having him by her side just feels right, but Shepard doesn’t know what yet.
-
Dying didn’t change her as much as it just amplified what was already there. Shepard’s distrust of the council has become resentment. Her determination to reach her goals by whatever method has only become more pronounced. She has become harder. Colder. And the new scars on her face reflect that.
When Garrus gets hit by a rocket, giving him a scar similar to hers, Shepard thinks that maybe it’s fate. That they have been marked to go down this path, save the galaxy at any costs. Garrus has become harder and colder too. Maybe this is just who they are supposed to be.
-
Shepard gives Sidonis a little smile before she steps out of the way. She can’t help it. It’s what he deserves for betraying Garrus.
She goes to check in on Garrus later and both of them know there’s something that wasn’t there before. Sidonis was the last step. They’re not just friends anymore. They are truly the same.
If she would still be an alliance commander Shepard couldn’t start a relationship with a subordinate. But Cereberus doesn’t care. Well. They might have something against the concept of interspecies relationships but Shepard knows they won’t dare bother her about that.
-
After returning from the derelict Reaper Shepard makes her way up to her cabin, only to find Garrus already waiting for her. She gives him a smile. “Hey”
“Hey”, he hands her a glass of some alcoholic drink and Shepard thankfully takes it. “What’d you do about the Geth?”
“Handed it in to Cerberus”, she takes a sip, sitting down next to him “I already don’t trust EDI, I won’t have a fucking Geth on board.”
“Hmmm”, Garrus takes a sip from his own glass, leaning back on the couch.
Shepard raises an eyebrow. “You think I should have kept it?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You were thinking about it.”
“Yeah you’re right, I was”, he laughs “It could have been useful. And it helped us.”
She shakes her head. “It would have been too much of a risk.”
Garrus shrugs “You’re the Commander”. He leans in to kiss her and Shepard gladly meets him halfway. “And I’m not about to question your judgement.”
“Hmmm”, Shepard smiles into the kiss “Good idea.”
-
“You know I really can’t believe we cured the Genophage”, they are lying in bed, one of Garrus’ arms wrapped around Shepard.
She debates what to answer, but only for a second. This is Garrus. She can trust him. “We didn’t.”
He turns to face her, propping himself up on one arm. “What?”
“We didn’t”, Shepard repeats. “I killed Mordin before he could do it.”
Garrus just stares at her. “Holy shit.”
“You think it was wrong?”
“Morally? Yeah”, he sighs. “I mean I get why, but damn Shepard.”
“It was the only way to get the Salarian and Krogan to support us and to prevent a new Krogan uprising.”
“And for that you shot one of our crew in the back.”
“Ex-Crew.”
“Still.”
“Yeah”, she takes a deep breath. “Yeah I did.”
“That’s cold, Shepard.”
She props herself up on one elbow too, furrowing her brows. “Are you surprised that I am cold, right now? Really Garrus?”
He sighs. “No I’m not I suppose. It’s just...that’s a lot.”
Shepard places a hand on his scar, still so similar to hers. “It’s who we were meant to be.”
To her surprise Garrus shakes his head. “No Shep, it’s who we chose to be.”
-
Consciousness comes back slowly. Shepard is aware she’s in a hospital long before she can move or speak. She knows Garrus is by her side. Liara too sometimes. Tali visits rarely. Joker doesn’t visit at all. She recognizes all of that before she gets out her first sound. Little more than a croak, but enough to get Garrus attention. He smiles at her. “You’re back.”
She makes rapid progress after that, soon enough she is sitting upright and having conversations again. Shepard can tell something is bothering Garrus and she has never been one to beat around the bush so she asks him outright “What is it?”
He looks up from something he was reading on his padd. “What?”
“Something is bothering you. You haven’t lost a word about London since I woke up.”
Garrus sighs, putting his padd to the side. “You’re right.” He looks at her, studying her. “What happened up there?”
“I ended the war.”
“And killed the Geth and EDI in the process.”
“Yes.”
“Did you have a choice?”
“What?”
“Did you have a choice?”
Shepard looks at him. The old doubt is flaring back up in her mind. She decides to trust him, again. “Yes. Destroying them wasn’t the only option.”
“Then why did you do it? Why commit a genocide?”
He is questioning her judgement, he really is. “It was safe.”
“It was murder.”
She sighs in frustration. “It was. The safest. Option.”
Garrus tilts his head at her and Shepard sees something in his face, she has only seen a few times before and never at her. Disappointment. “You’re really that cold.”
Shepard’s muscles clench. It takes her a bit to respond. “You knew that when you fell in love with me.”
“I don’t know If I can be in love with you like this.”
Something in her cracks at that. Deep down, nowhere near the surface. Nowhere near she’ll let him see. “You were the one who said it might take ruthless calculus. It did.”
“If you say so”, Garrus seems to capitulate, but Shepard knows he isn’t. She knows something between them just broke. And she wonders, if Garrus is maybe right about fate and choice.