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"San, everyone's being weird." Hongjoong said as he sat down next to the younger member on the couch. Everyone was asleep. San and Hongjoong had planned to have a night of their own for Hongjoong to regress. They'd been planning such nights since his birthday a few weeks ago when San found out about his regression. San was more than willing to be his caregiver. However, since that night, Hongjoong had felt like everyone was avoiding him. Like everyone was always staring at him from afar.
"What do you mean, darling?" San asked. Hongjoong furrowed his brows and cuddled up next to San. He huffed and looked down.
"Everyone... keeps looking at me funny." Hongjoong told him. San hummed and brushed his hand through Hongjoong's hair.
"They're looking at you funny?" San asked. Hongjoong nodded. "Probably because you're the cutest baby in the world, Joongie." San said. Hongjoong giggled, wanting to believe him.
Unfortunately, San wasn't right. Hongjoong had been correct about everyone looking at him strangely. Especially Seonghwa. After what happened on Hongjoong's birthday, Seonghwa seemed to have been watching his every movement. He didn't say anything, just watched whenever Hongjoong sat next to San or watched something on his phone.
He felt like Hongjoong was the one acting weird. He was never so clingy to San before. And what was with they way he held his beer bottle or the way he had to be carried off to bed? It was weird to Seonghwa.
It was especially weird when he woke up in the middle of the night to find Hongjoong sleeping with a pacifier in his mouth. Seonghwa had no idea what was going on and he didn't want to make Hongjoong uncomfortable by asking.
But he didn't know how uncomfortable the silence made Hongjoong. Hongjoong could tell Seonghwa was onto him. The thought of Seonghwa knowing and not saying anything only made matters worse. Hongjoong slipped more than usual, crawling into bed with San whenever he did just to avoid Seonghwa seeing him with his pacifier.
Yunho didn't seem to mind. But he didn't say anything either. He just assumed maybe Hongjoong wasn't feeling well whenever Hongjoong would come to his and San's room, looking for cuddles.
Hongjoong tried to ignore the stares from Seonghwa by distancing himself. Everytime Seonghwa went to their room, Hongjoong suddenly had a new chore to do. Everytime Seonghwa would leave and sit with Hongjoong on the couch in the living room, Hongjoong suddenly decided it was time for a nap. Everytime they had dinner together, Hongjoong decided he wasn't hungry.
Seonghwa caught onto this fast and he wasn't very impressed by it. He decided they needed to talk. While Hongjoong was in the living room, scrolling on his phone, Seonghwa sat down. He watched as Hongjoong stood up almost immediately and grabbed Hongjoong's arm, sitting him back down.
"Why are you acting like this?" Seonghwa hissed. His tone was harsh, but he couldn't help it. He felt almost hurt by the way Hongjoong was avoiding him. It hurt to see one of his closest friends ignoring him and putting a bar between them. Hongjoong furrowed his brows at Seonghwa, looking offended.
"What are you talking about?" He asked. Seonghwa sighed and let go of Hongjoong's arm after realising his hand had been lingering there for too long.
"You're avoiding me." Seonghwa said. Their conversation was cut short by someone walking into the living room. Seonghwa and Hongjoong both looked up to see Yunho.
"Oh, sorry, I can leave if you're busy." Yunho said. Hongjoong shook his head.
"No, it's fine. We're just talking." Hongjoong said in a deadpan voice. He was starting to get agitated. Yunho nodded and sat down, far away from the other two as to stay out of their tense air.
"If it's fine then why are you avoiding me?" Seonghwa snapped.
"I'm not avoiding you!" Hongjoong raised his voice. Yunho flinched at the change in tone.
"Then why won't you even look at me right now?" Seonghwa asked. Hongjoong looked at him, his eyes forming a glare that sparked something in Seonghwa's stomach. "What's with you right now?" Seonghwa's tone followed suit of Hongjoong's, raising with every single word.
"There's nothing with me right now, you sound ridiculous, Seonghwa!" Hongjoong accused.
"Then what about your clingy attitude to San?" Seonghwa snapped. "You're with him all the time, you won't even sleep in your own bed, you won't talk to me but you'll cuddle right up to him won't you?!" Hongjoong frowned.
"Oh and you have a problem with that?" Hongjoong asked, his brow quirking. Yunho slowly stood up and made his way out to go find San. He didn't like the way the conversation was moving and didn't know how to handle it himself.
"Not just that, Hongjoong. You're being weird!" Seonghwa said. Another person walked in, interrupting their conversation.
"Is everything okay?" Mingi asked in a quiet voice.
"It's fine!" Hongjoong shouted at Mingi. Mingi flinched and nodded, not knowing what to do with himself.
"It's not fine!" Seonghwa said. "You were using a fucking pacifier, Hongjoong, I saw it!" Those words shocked Hongjoong enough to shut him up. He stared at Seonghwa with wide, angry eyes. They sat in silence for a while, both of them too angry and confused to say anything. Hongjoong sighed.
"Seonghwa." He said his voice shaking. "That's not your fucking business." He said sternly. "None of this is any of your fucking business, got it?!" He shouted. Hongjoong stood up but was stopped by San and Yunho walking back in. San was quick, but Yunho trailed behind him slowly. San grabbed onto Hongjoong as Hongjoong began leaving the room. "Fucking let me go!" Hongjoong shouted, ripping his arm away from San's grip as tears began to stain his cheeks.
Hongjoong ran out, heading for the front door as Yunho, Mingi, and San stayed behind. San looked toward Seonghwa with a face full of rage. Seonghwa knew he'd done something wrong.
"I-it's okay, San. I'll talk to him, you just go make sure Hongjoong is okay." Mingi told San. San looked back at Mingi and then at Seonghwa again before leaving without a sound.
He left the dorms, seeing Hongjoong just a bit away. San began running as Hongjoong walked faster.
"Joong, stop!" San shouted. Hongjoong didn't even turn around. He ran faster and grabbed onto Hongjoong's shoulder. "Hongjoong." The older tore his shoulder away from San's touch. San huffed and pulled on Hongjoong's arm, spinning him around, almost causing him to loose balance and face plant.
"What?!" Hongjoong seethed. San didn't say anything. He just grabbed onto Hongjoong and pulled him close.
"I know you're scared, Joong. But it's okay." San told him. Hongjoong began shaking in his arms. He didn't try to move away this time, but rather he wrapped his arms around San's waist. He sobbed into San's chest holding onto him for support as his legs threatened to buckle. "Sh, sh, it's okay, darling." San reassured, petting Hongjoong's hair. Hongjoong's knees gave out and San acted quickly, holding onto Joong and guiding them to sit on the sidewalk.
San was glad that no one was around going for walks or even just sitting outside of their house for a smoke break. He wouldn't want any strangers to see Hongjoong so vulnerable.
"I... it hurts." Hongjoong said quietly. San hummed.
"What hurts, baby?" He asked. Hongjoong sniffed and looked up at San with a pout, eyes red and puffy from the tears.
"All of it... everythin' hurts." Hongjoong cried. San cooed and held Hongjoong tighter.
"It does?" He asked in a surprised voice. "Do you want dada to kiss it better?" He proposed. Hongjoong giggled a little bit, but the joy was short lived.
"Don' think dada can kiss it better..." Hongjoong mumbled.
"Dada will try for you, prince." San whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Hongjoong's head. "Come on, let's get up, sugar plum." San said. Hongjoong shook his head.
"No... no, don't wanna go back small. Seonghwa is mad, get mad at tiny Joongie... he'll yell." Hongjoong said in a panicked voice. San shook his head.
"Seonghwa won't do anything, little prince. I promise. I'll be with you the whole time, we'll just go to my room and Seonghwa won't be able to bother you." San explained. Hongjoong quickly shook his head with each word.
"No, no, no! Please, don' wanna!" Hongjoong pleaded. San watched as tears filled his eyes once more. He sighed.
"Alright, Joongie. We won't go home just yet." He said. "Why don't we go to the park?" San suggested, knowing it would get Hongjoong's mind off of things. Hongjoong gasped and nodded.
"Yeah! Park!" Hongjoong said. San helped him up and they walked to the closest park, hand in hand. It was the same park San usually brought him to when he was regressed. Usually he would push Hongjoong on the swings and Hongjoong would have a great time, laughing and smiling while San did so, but this time, Hongjoong just sat there. He didn't want to be pushed, he just wanted to be there. Anywhere away from the dorms.
"How are you feeling, bubba?" San asked. Hongjoong kicked his feet in the wood chips under the swing seat.
"Stupid." Hongjoong said. San tsked. "I... just feel stupid." He huffed.
"You're not stupid, darling." San said.
"Please stop babying me." Hongjoong said quietly. San nodded. "I'm sorry. I just feel really bad about it right now."
"I can understand that." San said. They sat in silence for a while, both kicking up the wood chips underneath them.
"I need to talk to him... and Yunho and Mingi." Hongjoong said. "I don't... really want to but I need to be mature." He said.
"I'll help you with it." San said.
"You don't need to. It's not your responsibility." Hongjoong said.
"There's no reason for you to have to do it by yourself." San told him. Hongjoong was quiet. "I'll just stay by your side and if you need any help, I'll be there."
"Thank you." Hongjoong said as he stood up. He began walking again and San followed. Hongjoong grabbed onto San's hand, holding it tightly as they walked back to the dorms.
When they got to the front door, Hongjoong hesitated. San rubbed his back reassuringly and squeezed his hand tightly to ground him.
"It's okay, I'm right here." San said. Hongjoong nodded and slowly opened the door. The two were surprised to see Seonghwa sitting on the couch in the same spot he was before. It had been about an hour, yet he'd waited there after speaking to Yunho and Mingi. Yunho and Mingi were there as well, sitting together with him and still talking.
"Joong, I..." Seonghwa started as he spotted the latter. Hongjoong averted his gaze from Seonghwa's eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have backed you into a corner." Seonghwa said. Hongjoong looked back at him, almost surprised to hear the apology.
"I'm sorry too. For swearing at you." Hongjoong said, fumbling with his thumbs.
"No, I was out of place, you just reacted." Seonghwa said. "Yunho and Mingi... they talked to me about it. I'm sorry for saying things without understanding it first."
"So you know why... I use... pacifiers?" Hongjoong said quietly, looking to both Yunho and Mingi as well as Seonghwa. They all nodded.
"Mingi and I are both regressors." Yunho confessed. "That's why I never bothered you about it. I know it can be scary to be questioned about." Yunho explained. Mingi nodded.
"We explained it to Seonghwa, so he understands." Mingi said.
"Do you have someone to take care of you two?" San asked. Mingi and Yunho both nodded.
"When it's just Yunho, I'll take care of him and vice versa, but if it's both of us, Yeosang takes care of us, but it's rare that we regress at the same time." Mingi explained and Yunho nodded in agreement. They seemed to be in sync with both of their words.
"And usually it's just Mingi." Yunho said and this time, Mingi nodded.
"Yeah, I'm a bit different from Yunho when it comes down to it. I do it for stress but he does it because of trauma so he does it on sort 'special occasions' whereas I'll do it if my back flares up or I'm feeling sick or maybe just tired even." Mingi Explained, Yunho nodded again.
"So Yeosang knows?" Hongjoong asked.
"Mhm." Mingi and Yunho both hummed together.
"I feel like I'm the only one who didn't know." Seonghwa mumbled under his breath. He felt so guilty and ignorant.
"Don't worry about that, it's not just you." Yunho said. "Yeosang didn't find out by us telling him. It was all an accident, the same as what happened today." Yunho reassured. It didn't make him feel any better however. San sighed to try and cut the tension in the room.
"Let's start a new rule." San started. Everyone looked at him. "If anyone here regresses, then they will meet no hostility about it." He said. "If there is a problem or they don't want to be alone, they're safe to ask any of us for help." San proposed. "How does that sound?"
"That sounds good in theory, but we still have to tell the others." Mingi said. "I... I don't want to be the one to tell Wooyoung and Jongho." He said quietly. San nodded.
"I'll do it." San told them. "If they have a problem with it, they'll have to work it out with me."
And so he did. He went to their rooms and spoke to both of them privately, explaining what regression was, who did it, why, and answered all the questions the younger members had. After that, he explained the rule they'd made and it was all set in place.
After that, they all got together to have a little discussion about it, talking about what they didn't like while they were regressed or how they liked to be treated. Yeosang and Mingi spoke on behalf of Yunho as Yunho was a bit too shy to talk about it.
After their talk, Jongho noticed Yunho's quietness. It was weird as the elder was usually very energetic and talkative. He could talk about anything for hours and keep a doomed conversation rolling, but he was extremely quiet.
"Are you okay, hyung?" Jongho asked. Yunho looked surprised and nodded hesitantly.
"Y-yeah, just tired." Yunho said. Jongho nodded. Yunho walked away and stepped into the kitchen. Jongho followed, heading for the kettle to make some tea. He'd heard the yelling from his room earlier so he knew everyone had had a stressful day. Yunho sat at the table, staring at nothing while Jongho poured the hot water into a pot.
"Are you sure you're just tired?" Jongho asked. Yunho nodded. "Is it about everything that you guys told us?" Jongho asked again. Yunho didn't respond and Jongho just continued pouring the tea. He poured a cup for both him and Yunho and then sat down next to him. "You don't need to feel bad about it. It may be new to me but it's not strange. It actually sounds... kind of fun?" Jongho said a bit confused as to how to word his sentence.
"It's not that... It's that they were yelling... a lot and then talking about it and I felt... scared... it triggered me and I'm just trying not to... regress." Yunho explained himself. Jongho nodded.
"Oh, right, you're a trauma regressor, aren't you?" Jongho said. Yunho nodded and sipped at his tea. The warm feeling of it made him feel fuzzy. He loved tea when he was regressed, even though most little's liked warm milk, he liked to have warm tea with a few more sugars than usual. It was comforting to him. But right now, it wasn't helping.
"I just don't wanna be annoying." Yunho muttered. Jongho tsked and furrowed his brows.
"I might be new to this, but I know it's not annoying. Yunho, if you need to regress then you shouldn't stop yourself from doing it." Jongho told him. Yunho pouted. "Do you want me to go get Mingi?" He asked. Yunho was quiet for a while.
"Um... I dunno." He said. As he felt himself slipping a bit further he changed his mind. If he was going to regress in front of Jongho, then he wanted Mingi or Yeosang to be there with him. He nodded. "Please." Jongho nodded.
"I go get him, you just stay here." Jongho said. Yunho nodded and waited, drinking his tea and looking around just in case anyone else was near. He heard quick footsteps running towards the kitchen and gasped, hoping it was Mingi, but it was just Hongjoong, holding his kitten stuffie in his arms. Hongjoong gasped and ran up to sit down next to Yunho.
"Hi, Yunnie!" Hongjoong greeted. Yunho felt a bit surprised seeing Hongjoong regressing so quickly despite what happened earlier. "Wha's Yunnie doin'?" Hongjoong asked.
"Um... j-just waiting." Yunho said in a shy voice. He didn't want Hongjoong to know he was slipping, but Hongjoong being regressed made him want to do it more.
"Waitin' for wha?" Hongjoong asked. Yunho looked down into his tea cup.
"Mama..." Yunho said quietly. Hongjoong tilted his head and gasped. A smile quickly crept onto his face.
"Is Yunnie tiny too?" He asked. Yunho huffed and nodded.
"Mhm. Didn't mean to be." Yunho said.
"Thas okay! Happens." Hongjoong reassured. He handed Yunho his stuffed animal. "Here, we wait together." Hongjoong said. Yunho felt himself slip completely as he held the stuffed animal. He looked up when he heard two people walk in and gasped, seeing Mingi.
"Mama!" He said happily. Mingi made his way over and pet Yunho's hair. "Yunnie was gettin' tiny n' didn' wanna but, but, couldn't help it." Yunho said. Mingi cooed as Yunho grabbed onto him.
"It's okay, little butterfly, you can be as small as you need to. Mama's here." Mingi said, crouching down to Yunho's level and hugging him tightly. Mingi looked up and noticed Hongjoong smiling widely for no reason. "Are you tiny too, Joongie?" Hongjoong giggled and nodded. Mingi was glad that Hongjoong was so happy in his headspace. Yunho was usually very quiet and depressed when he was in headspace so perhaps Hongjoong could balance it out.
"Wanna play with Yunnie!" Hongjoong said. Mingi looked to Jongho, who stood at the door, minding his own business. Mingi waved him over.
"Does your dada know you're tiny right now?" Mingi asked. Hongjoong shook his head and Jongho sat down next to Mingi. "If we play with them, you'll get to know them better." Mingi whispered to Jongho. The latter nodded in understanding and Mingi brought his attention back to the two littles.
"Dada doesn't know but he's busy! Talkin' wif Woo!" Hongjoong said. His voice was louder and much more exaggerated than usual, full of excitement.
"Well, mama and Jongho can take care of you two for now." Mingi said. "Do you wanna play, Yunnie?" Yunho looked up and nodded. And so they went to the living room to go play with blocks and Legos. They built towers only to knock them down and giggle as they fell.
Jongho felt comfortable being around them, helping Yunho and Hongjoong make Lego houses and cars while Mingi watched. At one point, Hongjoong even crawled onto Jongho's lap without noticing, cuddling up to the younger. Jongho didn't mind.
After a while, San came in, interrupting their building. Hongjoong gasped and ran over to his caregiver, engulfing him in a tight embrace.
"Dada!" He exclaimed. San chuckled and lifted him up.
"Hey, angel." San greeted him. "I didn't know you were tiny."
"He didn't want to interrupt you and Wooyoung so he went to Yunho, but Yunnie was feeling tiny too, isn't that right, darling?" Mingi said. Yunho nodded, but kept his attention on his Lego house. Yunho and Jongho spoke to each other quietly, deciding where to out specific blocks on the house for decoration. Hongjoong yawned in San's arms and leaned his head on his shoulder.
"You tired, bubba?" San asked. Hongjoong nodded. "I think it's bedtime." Hongjoong nodded again. "That's my good boy. Now let's get you to bed. Say goodnight to everyone." San said. Hongjoong looked back and smiled, waving.
"Night night." He said quietly before San carried him off to bed. Yunho nodded but tried to hide it. However, Mingi caught the sight and chuckled.
"Are you tired too, my prince?" Mingi asked. Yunho shook his head.
"Nuh uh, wan play with Jongie more." Yunho said. Mingi nodded.
"Alright, just a bit longer and then it's bedtime, okay?" Mingi compromised. Yunho nodded happily. They continued playing for half an hour longer and then Mingi repeated himself.
"Tired?" He asked. Yunho's eyes were struggling to stay open, yet Jongho was still very intent on finishing their little, mini Lego house. Yunho nodded, but Jongho didn't reply. "Alright, butterfly, it's bedtime." Mingi said. Both Jongho and Yunho pouted, making a small whiney noise. "It's getting late and you're practically falling asleep on your Legos."Mingi chuckled, helping Yunho up. Yunho didn't resist it and just followed Mingi. "Jongho, could you start cleaning up, please?" Mingi asked.
Jongho gasped and finally brought his attention away from the Legos. He hadn't said anything for a while, making Mingi think he was also tired. But he wasn't. He still wanted to play with Yunho and finish the decorations on their Lego house. Nevertheless, he nodded and began cleaning up.
"Okay..." He said quietly. Mingi smiled and ruffled his hair.
"I'll be back to help." Mingi said, bringing Yunho out of the room. Jongho began piling up the Legos and putting then back into their box, but he kept their little house out on the coffee table. Once he was done, he just looked at the little house, opening and closing the miniature doors. When Mingi came back in, he flinched away from the house. "Are you alright, Jongho?" Mingi asked. Without thinking, Jongho replied.
"Wanna play some more." He said quietly. Mingi was confused, but it quickly came together in his brain as he watched Jongho pout.
"You wanna play some more? Well, I guess you don't have to go to bed yet if you aren't sleepy." Mingi said in the same tone he used for Yunho. "You can stay up with mama and we can colour, how about that?" Mingi suggested. Jongho gasped and nodded.
"Wait... wait, I'm sorry, I'm acting weird." Jongho said, his smile suddenly fading away. Mingi shook his head.
"No, sunshine, you're not acting weird at all." Mingi reassured. "Now come over here and pick which book you want." Mingi said, taking Jongho's mind off of his actions. Jongho nodded and crawled over to the box Mingi had of all his and Yunho's regression items. He picked a fairy book and flipped through the pages, finding a picture he wanted to colour in. The two sat there and coloured with each other, Jongho staying quiet most of the time. "How big are you feeling, Jongie?" Mingi asked. Jongho shrugged.
"I dunno..." Jongho said quietly, continuing to colour. He smiled when the picture was finished, showing it to Mingi. "Look! Coloured it in so it looks like mama!" Jongho said. "For you!" He said. Mingi chuckled and took the picture, cooing.
"It's so beautiful, baby boy, thank you." Mingi said. Jongho smiled and hugged Mingi. They stayed there on the floor, just cuddling for a while. Mingi brushed his hands through Jongho's hair and admired the picture the younger had coloured for him. "Okay bubs, I think it's bedtime." Jongho didn't answer and Mingi looked down, seeing Jongho's eyes shut. He giggled as he realised the boy was sleeping.
Mingi smiled to himself and kept petting Jongho's hair. He was happy to have been able to have a moment like this. He thought it would always just be Yunho and him regressing together with Yeosang, but he was glad to have their secret shared and respected by the others. It was a turn of events he never really expected, but he was happy nonetheless.