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It was Hongjoong's birthday, a day for him and the members to be happy and celebrate. The day had gone by great and it was just after dinner that they'd started drinking and opening gifts. He appreciated everyone of the gifts he'd opened but one really stuck out to him. It was a gift from San.
He was already on his third beer when he opened it. The gift was huge. It was light and fluffy, it felt like nothing but a box of clouds. Hongjoong couldn't guess what it was. It made sense when he opened it however. As he pulled back the pretty pink wrapping paper, his stomach rolled with excitement.
The first thing he saw was fur. It was soft. Now he could guess what it was and it brought even more excitement. Not the excitement you'd expect from an adult however. He tried his best to hide his overwhelming happiness as he finished unwrapping it to see a big teddy bear, just a bit bigger than him, just towering over him. It was huge. Hongjoong's eyes widened as he admired it.
This was the same one Hongjoong had stopped himself from buying a bit ago after seeing it in a surplus store. He covered his mouth while most of the other members laughed at the gift. They didn't know how important the gift was to him. Looking at the teddy bear, he could feel himself regressing. A name for the teddy popped into his head immediately. Lily. He thought to himself.
He squeezed it a bit on the limbs, checking out the amount of fluff in them before looking to San with a big smile. He hugged the bear and pouted.
"Thank you, Sannie, I love it." He said. He stood up to give San a hug before sitting down next to him and Mingi.
"I saw you looking at it two weeks ago, so I thought you'd like it." San said. Hongjoong just smiled and nodded. He really did like it. A lot. The night went on normally, however Hongjoong could still feel himself slipping further and further into the headspace as he downed more beers. He thought drinking more might suppress it, but as he finished his sixth bottle and started his seventh, he began holding it like his sippy cup unconsciously.
He quickly corrected himself before anyone could see, sitting back and crouching into the couch. Wooyoung and Seonghwa had both left after Wooyoung drank a bit too much. Seonghwa followed to help him out before he himself went to bed.
Hongjoong began to cling to San as he felt himself slip further. The boy was the closest thing to him and he didn't want to look weird by holding the teddy bear too close. So he latched onto San's side. San didn't see this as strange at all. Hongjoong was clingy when he was drunk, so it wasn't unusual, however when San got up to use the restroom, Hongjoong whined.
"No, dada..." He slipped out, a bit too drunk to notice. San stopped for a second, taken aback by Hongjoong's words. He brushed it off, chalking it up to the alcohol. San ruffled his hair and stood up.
"I'll be back, don't worry." He told the latter. Hongjoong's eyes were glassy and big, pleading for San to sit back down and cuddle him. Hongjoong tried to stop himself from reaching out and pulling him back into his embrace. He was beginning to get a bit nervous as he slipped further and further.
"O-okay." He said simply before turning back around and sitting properly on the couch. He didn't watch as San walked away. He felt bad for his little outburst, but it was out of panic. He took another sip and tried to drown out the panic he felt.
"Hyung, you've been drinking a lot, you sure you can take it?" Mingi asked from beside him. He'd been keeping a close eyes on him since last time they drank. The last time, Hongjoong yacked his guts out. Hongjoong just nodded.
"Don't worry, I'm alright. If I don't feel well, I'll take care of it." He reassured through a lazy voice. Mingi nodded, continuing to keep an eye on him. When San came back, Hongjoong immediately latched back onto him. San smiled and cooed at him.
"You're so cute when you're drunk, hyung." San giggled. Hongjoong looked up, his face dusted a light shade of pink.
"W-what?" He asked. San didn't know how much weight that word held against Hongjoong's adult side. It really wasn't exactly helping the situation.
"You're just like a little kid, so cute." San said, rustling Hongjoong's hair. Hongjoong shook his head with a pout. It was then that he couldn't fight it anymore and he immediately fell off the cliff of adulthood, into his headspace. Not only was he drunk but he was now regressed as well. Great. Hongjoong let out a sigh and put the beer down. It was yucky to him now.
He didn't want any of it, he just wanted to cuddle up with his new teddy bear and have some warm milk. He laid his head on San's shoulder and pouted to himself while scrolling on his phone to distract himself. He panicked when the attention of the room shifted to him. They were now sharing stories about Hongjoong, causing eyes to stare at him. Hongjoong turned to San.
"I-I think.. I'm gonna go to bed." He said quietly. San let out a whine and held Hongjoong closer, making Hongjoong's stomach flutter. He sighed and decided to stay instead. After a bit, Hongjoong's thumb subconsciously found his lips. He began sucking on his thumb, trying to distract himself.
He noticed his actions and pulled his hand away from his face before anyone could notice. Hongjoong reached down to San's hand and grabbed it tightly. He couldn't stand the attention right now. He didn't want anyone looking at him. He caught a glance of the teddy bear and squeezed the latter's hand tighter. San looked down at him, seeing his wide eyes brimming with tears.
"Hey, is everything alright?" San whispered to him. Hongjoong looked up and gasped, trying to cover his face in San's shoulder.
"M fine... Is okay." He said in a small, soft voice. San noticed the strange tone. Wow, he's really drunk. He thought. Not like San was one to talk, he could barely stand up.
"You sure?" He asked the latter. Hongjoong hesitated before he looked up and sniffled. He felt his heart speed up. He had to tell San what was going on, he knew he couldn't keep it to himself anymore. He needed help.
"Joongie too small... Wan go beddy bye; too tiny." He said quietly, slurring his words. San was beyond confused. He had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Hongjoong kept at it though, expecting him to catch on. "Too small, gotta go sleepy, Sannie." That was the only thing San could understand. So he nodded.
"Too small?" He asked. Hongjoong nodded and more tears formed before he completely buried his face away in San's shoulder. "You wanna go to bed?" He asked for clarification. Hongjoong nodded and sniffled. San hoisted him onto his lap and rubbed his back. He didn't quite know what to do. He knew it wasn't just the alcohol making Hongjoong act this way and there must be something else going on. So he naturally assumed that he should help. "Okay, Sannie will get you to bed, don't worry." He whispered. "I'm gonna bring hyung to bed, he drank a bit too much and he's not feeling good." He said before taking the older boy out of the living room.
Hongjoong hid his face while the others bid him a goodnight and wished him a happy birthday for the last time. San took him into his room. He sat Hongjoong down on the bed and sat down in front of him.
"You alright?" San asked. Hongjoong shook his head and let the tears roll down his cheeks. He reached out and wrapped his arms around San, who returned the favour. "Hey, it's okay, you're alright, Joong." Hongjoong just cried, hugging San closer.
"Joongie was scared, dada- no... Sannie." Hongjoong corrected himself, backing up from San in embarrassment. He didn't mean to let that slip out. "Sowwy... M sowwy, Sannie, didn mean to..."He apologized. The tears fell harder. He wanted to curl up and disappear.
"It's okay, Joong, that's alright. What's going on, right now, how can I help?" San asked. He suddenly felt a bit more sober. Hongjoong's tears blocked his voice as he tried to explain himself. It was so hard to speak. It was so hard to make sense. He was too drunk and too far into the headspace that everything was hard to explain.
"I... Sometimes Joongie get small... N can't be big... Was trying but, but, is hard... M sowwy, Sannie..." Hongjoong apologized. San shook his head.
"No, no, don't be sorry, Joong." San said. He grabbed Hongjoong's small hand in his and brushed his hair back with the other hand. "Just tell me what this is, is it a coping mechanism?" He asked. He had so many questions, but most would have to wait for the next day. He didn't want to overwhelm the already upset boy. Hongjoong nodded.
"Is a-age regres-sion..." Hongjoong said quietly, having difficulty saying the words properly. "Can't help it... Didn mean to regress but now can't stop... Jus wan sleep." He went on. San nodded.
"It's alright, Joong, Sannie will try his best to help." San said. Joong nodded and wiped away his tears. San opened a tab on his phone to research the term Hongjoong had provided him with. He didn't want to ask too many questions so he thought the internet might help. He read a few psychology articles and posts before tending back to Hongjoong who was now on his lap, clinging onto him. "Okay, little one, do you have any comfort items?" San asked. Hongjoong nodded and pointed to his closet.
San made his way over and found a small box inside. He held it up to Hongjoong who nodded and then waddled over. He opened up the box and showed San the items inside. There was a small yellow sippy cup, a bright red paci, and a colouring book. He grabbed the sippy cup and paci and then put the box away. He popped the paci in his mouth and then held the sippy cup up to San.
"Can Joongie has some warm milk?" He asked softly. San felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. Cute... He thought, trying not to squeal. He nodded and took the sippy cup.
"Of course, Joongie. You get into your jammies and Sannie will get you some warm milk, alright?" San told the little. Hongjoong nodded. San turned to the door but Hongjoong stopped him.
"Wait, Joongie wan Lily." Hongjoong said. San was confused and showed it in his face. "Big bear! Lily!" He explained the best he could, putting his arms up to explain himself better.
San nodded, now understanding what the little meant. While San was gone to get some warm milk and Lily, Hongjoong tried his best to dress himself in his little pyjamas. It was a bit tough. Being both little and drunk, it was beyond hard to even stand up. He gave up as he fell to the floor for the second time while trying to get his pants on.
"This stupid, Joongie don wan do it." He said to himself. He huffed and simply covered himself with a blanket, waiting for San to come back. San came back with Lily and a full sippy cup and handed it to the older one. "Sannie, Joongie havin trouble..." Hongjoong said, pointing at his pyjamas that lay on the floor.
"You need help getting dressed, baby boy?" San asked in a soft tone. The name made the older boy melt. Hongjoong nodded slowly.
"Is hard, da- S-Sannie." He said quietly. San smiled and let out a small chuckle, picking up the pyjamas.
"Don't worry, dada will help you." San said. It was strange to call himself that, but he was noticing how much Hongjoong wanted to call him that.
"C-can Joongie call Sannie dada?" Hongjoong asked as San peeled back the blanket to help him into his clothes. San nodded, pinching Hongjoong's cheeks as the latter smiled.
"Of course, Joongie." He said. He helped him into the pyjamas and then laid him down in the bed. "Finish your milk and then it's bedtime, okay?" Hongjoong didn't protest. He sleepily nodded and held his sippy cup to his mouth. "Ah, so cute." San whispered to himself as Hongjoong cuddled lily to his chest. He looked so small and cute with the big bear in his arms, San was glad to have gotten it for him. Hongjoong looked up at San.
"Joongie wan cuddle wif dada... pwease." He said in a tiny voice. San felt his heart pounding and he nodded, slipping into the bed with Hongjoong. "Tankies." Hongjoong said quietly, burrowing his head into San's chest. It wasn't long before Hongjoong fell asleep. He was wrapped around San, still hugging him tightly. Not that he wanted to, but San couldn't move at all.
He looked down at Hongjoong who was sleeping peacefully. He smiled and placed a kiss on the boy's forehead. He felt a bit closer to the latter now that he knew something new about him.
Both San and Hongjoong woke up with killer headaches the next day; San's a bit worse than Hongjoong's as he hadn't had anything to drink before bed. The light from the window poured in, blinding the younger as he opened his eyes.
He turned to his right to see Hongjoong, cuddled up to his big bear, pacifier just slipping between his lips. San smiled and reached over, popping it back into the older boy's mouth. At this gesture, Hongjoong awoke, eyes slowly opening as he sucked on his paci. He groaned, bringing a hand up to rub the fatigue from his eyes. When he fully awoke, he looked up at San.
It took him a while to notice the pacifier in his mouth as well as the fact that San was in his bed. Memories from the night prior began to flood his consciousness and he visibly cringed, pulling the pacifier out of his mouth and sitting up.
"S-San... Um... I can explain-" San cut him off with a quiet shush. The younger sat up and smiled reassuringly at Hongjoong.
"It's alright, you explained it enough last night." San told him. "I don't know, hyung... I kind of liked taking care of you last night. You were really cute." San said. Hongjoong felt his cheeks heat up. "We can talk about it more if you want me to be your caregiver. I did some more research while you were asleep and I was wondering if you could maybe teach me to do it too... And then maybe we can do it together? But you don't have to-"
"I would really like that... A lot." Hongjoong said, interrupting the younger. A grin crept onto San's lips.
"I would like that too, Joongie." San said softly. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Hongjoong quickly hid his pacifier and sippy cup as the door opened. It was Seonghwa. He turned on the light, gaining a groan from both of them.
"This is why I told you to drink water before bed." He huffed, stepping into the room. "How's your heads?" He asked, moving closer to the two. Both of them grunted in discontent. "I'll make you some tea and get some ice packs." He sighed.
"How come your head is fine?" San huffed. Seonghwa chuckled and tousled the younger's hair.
"Because I know how to take care of myself." He said in a passive aggressive tone. San rolled his eyes before wincing. "Just close your eyes and I'll take care of it." He said.
"Thank you." Hongjoong said as Seonghwa left.
"Do you think letting the others know would be that bad?" San asked. Hongjoong hummed.
"It's just... I don't know, it's unusual." Hongjoong told him. "I don't want them to think I'm weird." He said.
"Do you think it's weird?" San asked. Hongjoong shrugged.
"Kind of... It's not normal." Hongjoong sighed. San furrowed his eyebrows.
"No it's not." He said, a bit frustrated at the fact that Hongjoong would say that. "It's not weird at all. I read up a lot about it, hyung. Nothing I read ever said it was weird." He told him. Hongjoong nodded.
"It's just too much... I need to think about it first." He said.
"Take all the time you need, but don't call it weird. If it helps you, it's not weird." San said. It felt like he was scolding Hongjoong. Hongjoong chuckled and nodded.
"Let's just start with you and then maybe I'll tell Seonghwa." Hongjoong said. San nodded.
"Good idea." He agreed. "And when you feel small, don't hesitate to come find me, alright? I'll help you out." Hongjoong nodded and smiled, moving forward to hug the younger boy. Seongwha came back with the ice packs and tea as well as some toast for them.
"Sip it slowly and try to eat a bit." He told them before popping out again.
"Thank you for taking care of me, San." Hongjoong thanked. San just nodded and rubbed the latter's back soothingly.
"Anytime, bub."