Work Text:
“I need your help.”
Lan Wangji took one brief glance up from his stack of papers to look at Jiang Cheng’s hopeful face before looking back down and shaking his head.
“No.”
“ Please? ”
“No.” Lan Wangji took a sip of his tea. It was Oolong, his favorite.
“I promise this won’t be like last time!”
Lan Wangji glared at him, still scarred over what had happened the last time he’d accepted Jiang Cheng’s request for help. He’d had to drink tea with Sect Leader Yao for weeks just to fix his brother-in-law’s mistake.
Weeks .
“He didn’t even have any Oolong.” Lan Wangji mumbled to himself, still traumatized.
Jiang Cheng sighed, but he at least had the decency to look a little guilty. “Look I’m sorry about what happened-”
“You should be.” Lan Wangji took another sip of tea.
“But I really need your help!” Jiang Cheng was practically begging at this point. It would’ve been amusing to Lan Wangji if he wasn’t so apprehensive towards whatever the Sect Leader needed his help with. “I’ll be nice to you for a month if you help me.”
Lan Wangji lifted up a single eyebrow, doubting the validity of Jiang Cheng’s claims.
“Two months.” Jiang Cheng amended.
“I don’t require your kindness.” And then as an afterthought, Lan Wangji added, “I don’t think you could be nice to me if you tried.”
Jiang Cheng huffed out in outrage. “I definitely could.”
“Go ahead. Give it your best attempt.”
“ Fine .” Jiang Cheng snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. “Ummm...wow okay, this actually kind of difficult….”
Lan Wangji stared at him blankly.
“Hmmm...wait! I’ve got it!” Jiang Cheng grinned. “I want to kill you significantly less than I did two decades ago.”
Lan Wangji sighed, taking another sip of his tea.
“Okay, I see your point.” Jiang Cheng admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
Lan Wangji didn’t even try to suppress his eye roll. It was a terrible habit that he’d picked up from his brother-in-law, and Wei Ying and Lan Xichen would not stop bullying him for it, but it wasn’t Lan Wangji’s fault, he couldn’t help it-
“What do you want?” Lan Wangji asked, and then he took a big gulp of his tea trying to prepare himself for whatever mess Jiang Cheng had gotten himself into.
“I want to propose to Lan Huan.”
Lan Wangji spat out his tea, and the liquid flew so far that it completely drenched his papers and somehow ended up spraying Jiang Cheng in the face as well. Jiang Cheng wiped the tea and spit off with a grimace.
“How can you even drink this shit?”
Lan Wangji cradled his mug defensively and shot Jiang Cheng a glare. “It’s soothing.”
“It’s disgusting.”
“ You’re disgusting.”
“You-!” Jiang Cheng shook his head. “And why are you so shocked that I want to marry your brother?”
Lan Wangji finally set his mug down. “Isn’t it a bit soon?” Jiang Cheng gaped at him. “There’s no need to rush into these things-”
“We’ve been together for five years !” Jiang Cheng all but screeched. “Not everyone has to have a tragically long romance before getting married.”
Lan Wangji shot him a nasty look.“What do you even need my help for?”
“Well, I know my idiot brother’s standards are pretty low and you’re about as romantic as a rock-”
Jiang Cheng narrowly avoided a mug colliding with his face.
“ But ” He continued on unphased, “You still did end up proposing to him. Plus, you know Lan Huan best, what he’ll like and what he won’t like.”
“So you want my help with the proposal?”
“Oh god no.”
Lan Wangji rolled his eyes... He really needed to break that habit... “Then what do you need?”
“I just need help with the gesture that comes before the proposal. I wanna do something romantic for him alongside it. So I need your help with brainstorming some ideas.”
Lan Wangji sighed but then agreed.“I’ll help you.”
Jiang Cheng looked surprised. “Wait really-?”
“Mn.” Lan Wangji nodded. “It’ll be a disaster if I don’t.”
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, but he didn’t disagree.
~
Poetry
“A poem?” Jiang Cheng looked unconvinced. “Are you sure? That’s a bit...boring.”
“Brother likes poetry.” Lan Wangji handed him a fresh sheet of paper and a brush along with the finest ink he could scrounge up. If this was going to be gifted to Lan Xichen, then Lan Wangji was willing to spare no expense.
Jiang Cheng, the same man that had taken down monsters twice his size and fought demonic cultivators head-on, looked down at the blank paper with fear in his eyes
“Just write from the heart.” Lan Wangji suggested, even though he had no idea what that truly meant. In fact, had no idea why his brother liked poetry in the first place. He hardly understood any of the poems Lan Xichen had forced him to read as a child... and he still didn’t understand them as an adult but Brother didn’t need to know that.
“ Just write from the heart .” Jiang Cheng huffed in a mocking tone. “At least try to pretend you're not bullshitting me.”
Lan Wangji said nothing in response.
Jiang Cheng took a deep breath and then slowly dipped his brush into the ink, accidentally letting a few drops drip onto the table-something which Lan Wangji would definitely be charging him for, not because he needed the money, but because he was petty- and then began to write.
It was quiet for a few moments, the only sounds coming from Jiang Cheng’s brush scratching against the paper or swirling around in the ink, but he was finished a short while after.
Jiang Cheng handed the sheet of paper to Lan Wangji. “Be honest, though I know you always are, how is it?”
Lan Wangji held the sheet and began to read the short poem:
“Sect Leader Yao’s blood is red
Your robes are blue
Lan Huan please marry me
And then sleep with me too”
Lan Wangji froze, staring back and forth between Jiang Cheng and the poem, but Jiang Cheng looked genuinely sincere.
“Should I add more detail or-?”
Lan Wangji began to fold the paper length-wise and then width-wise until it could fit comfortably in the palm of his hand.
Jiang Cheng looked confused. “What are you doing?”
Lan Wangji shoved the folded paper into his mouth and then swallowed.
Jiang Cheng gawked at him, opening and closing his mouth in shock.
“I’m doing you a favor.” Lan Wangji said without batting an eyelash. “Let’s try something else.”
~
Music
In retrospect, Lan Wangji should’ve realized that tasking someone as stubborn and as... musically inept ...as Jiang Cheng with writing a song for Lan Xichen on an instrument he’d never played before, would be a very very bad idea.
But Lan Wangji had never claimed to be smart or wise. People often mistook his silence for intelligence, and Lan Wangji never corrected them...
“Maybe we should take a break-”
Jiang Cheng momentarily paused, plucking at his borrowed guqin to shake his head. “I’ve almost got the chorus.”
He sounded confident, and Lan Wangji might’ve believed him if Jiang Cheng hadn’t said the same exact thing in the same exact tone six hours ago. He was most definitely going to be late for dinner with Wei Ying. The thought made Lan Wangji’s blood boil.
It was painful to listen to Jiang Cheng harshly pluck at the strings with reckless abandon. Lan Wangji had had to stop him at least eight times already from accidentally summoning a demon.
Jiang Cheng plucked another sour note that sent chills straight down Lan Wangji’s spine.
Maybe his Lan patience had run out. Maybe Jiang Cheng had accidentally played something from the Book of Turmoil, and now Lan Wangji was experiencing the damaging after-effects on his chi. Maybe-
Without saying a word, Lan Wangji stood up and snatched the guqin away from an affronted Jiang Cheng. Using all of his strength, he flung it out the window- he’d buy A-Yuan a new one-and then ignored a scream, that sounded suspiciously like Lan Jingyi, as he heard the guqin crash to the ground.
Lan Wangji finally felt at peace.
“We will continue tomorrow.” He said, giving his brother-in-law a polite bow on his way out.
~
Art
Lan Wangji’s brother had always had an affinity for beautiful paintings and drawings. Even though his sworn brother had been against it, Lan Xichen had actively encouraged Nie Huaisang’s pursuit of the arts, even trying to get Lan Wangji to enjoy painting as well, but Lan Wangji was no artist.
...And neither was Jiang Cheng.
“Do you think he’ll like it?” Jiang Cheng asked, holding out the paper for Lan Wangji to see. “Or are you just going to eat it?”
It was...er...colorful. Lan Wangji told him as such. “It’s very abstract.”
Jiang Cheng groaned, covering his hands with his face. “It’s supposed to be a portrait of him!”
Lan Wangji honestly felt sympathy for him at this point. He carefully put the painting on his desk and then patted Jiang Cheng’s shoulder.
“It is not horrible.” It wasn’t good either, but Lan Wangji kept that to himself. “But we can do better.”
~
Singing
“You want me to sing ?”
“Mn.”
“...”
“I told you before that Brother likes music.”
“Yeah, well I thought we moved past the whole music thing after you thew a fucking guqin out the window and almost murdered Lan Jingyi.”
Lan Wangji shrugged. “Singing is different. Wei Ying says you can sing well.”
Jiang Cheng’s face went red at that. “That idiot has no idea what he’s talking about.”
“He said you used to sing a lot as a child.”
“Well yeah, but that was years ago! I haven’t sung anything since.”
Lan Wangji shrugged. “Here’s your chance.”
Jiang Cheng looked at Lan Wangji as if he’d grown two heads. “You want me to sing… in front of you ? Right now? ”
“Mn.”
“Are you insane?!”
“Sanity is a social construct.”
“Oh shut the fuck up.” Jiang Cheng was really not in the mood for the random philosophical bullshit Lan Wangji liked to spring on him out of nowhere. Just last week, during the first part of Jiang Cheng’s stay in Gusu, Lan Wangji had talked to him for at least an hour about how “We’re all really just turtles when you think about it. Hard shells on the outside, but soft and vulnerable on the inside...Hmm. Nevermind. I’ve had an epiphany. We’re not turtles... We’re... eggs. I’ll see you at dinner, Jiang Wanyin, I must write about this.”
“And what do you even want me to sing?”
“Anything.” Lan Wangji replied simply.
Jiang Cheng scowled, “ Fine . But you have to close your eyes.”
Lan Wangji acquiesced, and then in a soft, baritone voice, Jiang Cheng began to sing. It was a sweet yet somber melody, but it was melodic. Lan Wangji was shocked. He was sure his brother would be moved to tears by Jiang Cheng’s singing voice. And just when Lan Wangji was about to praise Jiang Cheng for his talent there was a shrill voice crack that made the note Jiang Cheng was trying to hold shoot up an entire octave.
Lan Wangji’s eyes shot open and Jiang Cheng’s face was bright red. He was covering his mouth with wide eyes.
It took every ounce of his Lan strength for Lan Wangji to school his features into something blank and neutral.
Jiang Cheng saw through this of course. “Piss off Hanguang-jun!” He snapped, except his voice cracked again .
Lan Wangji tried to cover his face with the back of his robes but he was sure Jiang Cheng could hear his quiet wheezing from where he stood. He couldn’t stop his shoulders from shaking in silent amusement, even as Jiang Cheng decided to turn his quarters into a war zone and started flinging books and important documents at him in retaliation.
“Stop laughing!” Jiang Cheng yelled, arm raised with a particularly heavy book waiting to be flung from his hands.
“I am not laughing. I do not laugh.” Lan Wangji tried to argue, but then he had to cover his face again.
“What happened to no lying in Cloud Recesses you little-”
~
Giving Up
They were at their wits' end.
It was late and the only thing Lan Wangji had helped Jiang Cheng with was discovering that he had no affinity for any of the arts.
“Just sleep with him then.” Lan Wangji said suddenly in a monotone voice. “Propose to him right afterwards. I’m sure that’s enough of a gesture.”
Jiang Cheng groaned, burying his face in his hands. He could hardly even be scandalized by Lan Wangji’s blunt proposal. “Is that how you won over my brother?”
Lan Wangji said nothing in response and Jiang Cheng sighed.
“Well, this could’ve gone better but-”
“It’s not my fault you’re untalented.”
Jiang Cheng whipped his head to glare at him. “I was trying to thank you, you prick!”
“Mn. You’re welcome.”
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, something that was almost instinctual whenever he was with his brother-in-law.
And then, before he left, in a quiet voice Lan Wangji said, “You’ll think of something.”
Jiang Cheng sighed, praying he was right.
~
+1
When Jiang Cheng got back to the Hanshi he was exhausted and emotionally drained.
He’d just wanted to show Lan Huan how much he loved him before proposing to him. He’d wanted to do something special or give him something memorable because Lan Huan meant the world to him, but he couldn’t even do that.
He felt like such a failure.
“Wanyin?” Lan Xichen’s smile was blinding even in the dark of night. “You’re back! How was your day? Apologies that I was preoccupied with other duties today, I would’ve loved to spend more time with you.”
Jiang Cheng felt his heart melt. “Don’t apologize. We can just spend tomorrow together instead. And today was fine.”
Lan Xichen frowned, sensing Jiang Cheng was lying, and then led him to sit together on the edge of the bed.
“What’s wrong my love?”
Jiang Cheng finally snapped.
“I don’t know how to show you I love you!” He cried, throwing his hands up in the air with frustration.
Lan Xichen was stunned into silence.
“I can’t write, I can’t play instruments, I can’t paint, I can’t sing...anymore at least. So how am I supposed to show you I love you?!”
“W-wanyin-”
“How am I supposed to show you that you’re the best thing that’s ever to me? That your smile makes my day a thousand times better? How am I supposed to show you how kind and caring and wonderful I think you are?”
“Wanyin…”
“How I am supposed to show you that you're everything to me? How am I supposed to-”
“Wanyin!” Lan Xichen said in a louder voice, cupping Jiang Cheng’s face in his palms. His eyes were brimming with tears and Jiang Cheng winced.
“Oh, god I’ve made you cry… I'm sorry! Please don’t cry! I’ll find a way to show you, I promise!”
Lan Xichen shook his head and silenced him with a gentle kiss. “Oh Wanyin, the message is clear. You’ve shown me perfectly today, and every day before that.”
“Oh…” Suddenly Jiang Cheng felt embarrassed and buried his face into Lan Xichen’s shoulder. Lan Xichen let out a soft chuckle and pet his hair.
“And I love you so much, Wanyin. You’re....you’re my whole world. Life would be a dull existence with you.”
Jiang Cheng felt like his heart was going to burst. Before his brain could catch up with his mouth, he was leaning out of Lan Xichen’s grasp and blurting out “Will you marry me?”
Lan Xichen froze, staring at Jiang Cheng with wide eyes. Jiang Cheng quickly apologized, “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking-”
“You can’t take it back!” Lan Xichen exclaimed, grabbing Jiang Cheng’s hands. Now Jiang Cheng was the astonished one.
“W-what?”
Lan Xichen smiled, “I said you can’t take it back. You threw me off guard Wanyin, that’s why I froze..so ask me again.”
“Ask you again?” Jiang Cheng repeated dumbly.
Lan Xichen nodded eagerly.
Jiang Cheng took a deep breath. “Lan Huan, will you marry me?”
“ Yes .”
And then Jiang Cheng pulled his fiance into another searing kiss, wondering what he’d ever done in the universe to get this lucky.
And sure, he was no master of the arts, but that didn't matter because he could sincerely say that Lan Huan had just made him the happiest man alive.
~
+1.5
“He asked you for help?” Wei Wuxian threw his head back, cackling as his husband practically pouted at him. He leaned in to kiss Lan Wangji’s forehead comfortingly. “I’m sorry Lan Zhan, I think you’re very romantic but...er...it’s not always so obvious.”
Wei Wuxian did have a point there. It had taken him an entire reincarnation to realize that Lan Wangji actually didn’t despise him.
“So how did it go?”
Lan Wangji chose his words very carefully. “He’s not a terrible singer.”
Wei Wuxian snorted. “That’s some pretty high praise coming from you.”
“Mn.” Lan Wangji was silent for a moment before mumbling something.
“What was that, Lan Zhan?”
“I ate his poem.”
“What-?”
“We also need to buy A-Yuan a new guqin.”
“Lan Zhan-”
“His voice cracked.”
“...”
“It went up at least an octave, Wei Ying...”
Wei Wuxian stared at him, before bursting out into laughter, clinging onto his husband for support.
“Ahahahaha, I swear the two of you…” Wei Wuxian shook his head, eyes twinkling with mirth. “So how do you think he’ll propose?”
“Don’t know.” And then Lan Wangji added, “Perhaps he’ll take my advice.”
“Which was?”
“Sleep with Brother.”
“Lan Zhan!”
“Mn?”
“Brilliant idea.”
Lan Wangji gave him a knowing smile.
“Mn.”
~
+1.66667
“I’m serious Sizhui! Hanguang-jun tried to kill me with a guqin!”
“A-Yi, why would Father do that?”
“Yeah Jingyi. I thought lies were forbidden in Cloud Recesses.”
“Shut up A-Ling! And I’ll show you two right now!... Ah, here it is! Look at it! It's in pieces!”
“...”
“...”
“Oh my god, Sizhui?!”
“A-Yuan?! Jingyi check if he still has a heartbeat! Is he breathing?!”
“Fuck! Where do you check for a pulse?”
“I...Jiujiu only taught me how to stop someone’s heartbeat, not check if it’s there... Shit! Okay, you lift him by the legs and I’ll lift him by the arms.”
“Why do you get his arms?”
“ Jingyi .”
“ Fine ...He’s not dead, is he? He feels like dead weight…”
“ Shut up! He can’t be dead, I haven’t even asked to court him yet!”
“Awww A-Ling.”
“ Piss off . I didn’t mean to say that...”
“That’s so cute-”
“ Jingyi !”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be your wingman!”
"Oh god."
~