Chapter Text
The Blight itself was a daunting enough task for Ferelden’s few remaining Grey Wardens. Adding politics, especially when few of the Wardens had any such experience, was yet another deeply unwanted stressor. One that nobody needed right now. Solving Orzammar’s succession issues had been taxing enough, but as the Landsmeet drew nearer, the quickly approaching decision that lay before them hung all the more heavy.
Cindrell was the only one among them with any true political experience. Which she had just recently proven. Even if she was no longer truly considered a princess, her time in Orzammar proved her political competence. As for the others, Katrin’s Circle education had not included politics, Idrina’s life among the Dalish hadn’t prepared her for Ferelden political disputes, Kallian’s experience in the Alienage only let her feel the effects of policies, not influence them, and Daro hadn’t expected as a casteless that she’d ever be involved in such things. They were all seriously thinking over Eamon’s plans, and none were unintelligent or shortsighted. But this was not their area of expertise and they knew it. That left Cindrell and Kerra as the leading experts.
Of course Kerra Cousland perfectly understood Ferelden politics. She had been raised in the Ferelden nobility. Of course she was competent in Ferelden politics. She didn’t particularly care for the behavior of many nobles and politicians, but she knew how to move among them. Even though she was more of a free spirit and a bit more sarcastic than was strictly accepted among nobility. That was why she so rarely had had any involvement in Ferelden’s noble and political sphere. Well, that and one other reason.
When Kerra heard Eamon’s plan to usurp Loghain by replacing Anora on the throne with Alistair, she knew her personal bias would get in the way of that. Fortunately, her fellow Wardens, particularly Alistair, had issues with this plan. The Landsmeet was still agreed upon as the best means of uniting Ferelden against the Blight, but they had all discussed what should happen when the moment arrived. Tonight they were having another of those discussions.
But it was getting late, and there were so many battles yet to fight and such distance left to travel.
“That’s probably as far as we’ll get tonight.” Cindrell said, weariness seeping into her voice. “We should all get some rest.”
All the Wardens, slowly, sluggishly, began to stand and walk away from the campfire. Cindrell reached for Alistair’s hand as they went to their now shared tent. Katrin, Idrina, and Daro so too went to join their respective partners.
Leaving Kallian and Kerra still sitting by the fire.
“You were unusually quiet tonight.” Kallian said.
“I was thinking.”
“Care to share?”
Kerra watched as Katrin and Leliana spoke on the other side of the camp, fixated on the way they smiled at each other. On their soft, warm gazes, their body language, leaning into each other, their obvious contentment.
“Not tonight.” Kerra replied.
Kallian followed Kerra’s gaze across the fire. There was a moment of silence.
“We’re the only two Wardens here who haven’t started sleeping with one of our companions.” Kallian said with a half smile. “Katrin and Leliana, Idrina and Morrigan, Daro and Zevran, Cindrell and Alistair... I suppose we could hook up just to complete the set.”
Kerra gave a small chuckle. “Tempting, but probably not wise.”
“Probably not.” Kallian said.
“Besides, you seemed to get along rather well with Bella in Redcliffe. And you gave her money to go to Denerim. Are you hoping to see her again?”
Kerra caught Kallian’s blush, even as she was trying to pull her hair in front of her cheeks.
“Perhaps.” Kallian said, still smiling, but not meeting Kerra’s eyes. “And there’s someone else I may want to see. If she stayed in Denerim, that is. She probably didn’t. She has no reason to.”
“And who might this be?” A mischievous smile slowly spread across Kerra’s face.
“Her name’s Nesiara.” Kallian said. “My ex-fiancee. It was an arranged marriage, which I was never in support of, but still... she was nice. And suffered more than anyone should have. I’d like to at least know she’s alright now.”
“I can understand that.” Kerra said.
“What about you? Anyone you’re thinking of?”
Kerra felt her blood still at the question.
“Yes.” She finally said.
“Tell me?”
Kerra closed her eyes for a moment.
“I’ve known her for a long time. We met when we were very young, and ever since, any time we were brought together, for whatever noble family reason, we became closer. We started writing to each other more and more often when we were apart, started visiting each more often as we got older and had some say in the matter.
“She was my first love. I was a teenager, and I’d had a crush on her, well in hindsight for as long as I’d known her. You could call the feelings of one so young puppy love, dismiss its depth, and often you’d not be entirely incorrect, but this... This grew into something much deeper, and much more fervent.
“We were together, yet we weren’t for several years. Our teenage relationship was light enough. We could still pretend that we could continue enjoying our relationship while it lasted, and still be alright with its seemingly inevitable end when it came. But as we entered adulthood, we couldn’t deny the strength of our feelings any longer, even as our relationship’s end loomed all the nearer.”
“What happened?” Kallian asked when Kerra paused.
“She always put duty above personal desire. In the end, nobody ever knew of our relationship, she married someone else, and it broke my heart. And if I’m actually being honest I never really moved on.”
“Were you angry with her?”
“No.” Kerra said softly. “Mostly I just felt despair. I’m not angry with her for her decision, nor does it change my opinion of her. I just can’t help but wish she’d chosen differently.”
“I’m sorry.” Kallian said. “I didn’t honestly expect you to be so forthcoming, but thank you for trusting me with this.”
Kerra smiled at her friend.
“Thank you for listening. I’ve never told anyone before.”
“You still love her.”
It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”