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The heat and smell of the feast was stifling. The adults towered above Eri and her presence went almost entirely unnoticed as she was thrown back and forth. She wasn’t supposed to be here, she was supposed to be playing in the backyard. But Eri thought she was also supposed to be here? The tall woman had been so sure, and her grip on Eri’s shoulder was very tight. And she didn’t remember— but- she couldn’t think straight- her throat was closing and it was too hot and too uncomfortable and she felt like she couldn't breathe and she just wanted to get away from all the people —
When a worn hand grabbed Eri’s and pulled her forward gently, she was too far gone to resist.
The movement of the massive crowd of people was on the edge of Eri’s vision, as she clutched at the clothing of the person who had pulled her forward into a small alcove. Tremors wracked her body, and she couldn’t quite let go of the fabric.
“Are you alright?” The woman’s hair was streaked with gray. She didn’t seem all that old, but her eyes had so many sad furrows. Eri burst into tears.
“I don’t- I d- Where am I?”
The woman didn’t answer at first, running her eyes over Eri worriedly. Hiccuping, Eri was pulled close and she automatically latched on, hugging the woman tightly. She brushed the hair out of Eri’s face, which felt hot and sticky. “You’re at the Summer Court. Ah-”
The woman pulled back, and carded her hand gently through Eri’s hair. “Now how did you get here?” She muttered gazing out at the crowd before attempting a small smile. “Let’s get you out of this mess, hm?”
The woman let go of Eri altogether, and held out a hand. Taking it, she led Eri through a couple dark, narrow hallways. Once they had reached the kitchen, the woman settled Eri on a little stool. “You’re free to call me Oba-san. And you are?”
Eri sniffled, before saying “Eri.”
“Alright Eri-chan. It’s nice to meet you.” Oba-san offered a more genuine smile, adjusting her apron. “Now.” She picked at Eri’s thick sweater. “This just won’t do, in this weather. Will you wait here a moment and I’ll grab something better?”
Eri nodded, still trying to calm down. The heat of the kitchen was oppressive, several fires burning at once. Sweat made her clothes stick whenever she tried to move, and each breath was thick with the smell of food.
“Here.” Oba-san handed her something. Eri hadn’t even noticed that she had returned. Running her hands over what she was given, it was soft and appeared handmade. When she let it unfold, it was a light summer dress, much better suited for the heat of the court than her sweater. It seemed like it would be a bit big, but that was no problem.
“Oh...Tha-” Oba-san’s hand was fast covering her mouth, but gentle.
She smiled grimly. “I appreciate the sentiment, Eri-chan, but not here. Okay? No saying thank you anymore. The...People here won’t appreciate it. It’s best to get out of the habit.”
Eri was wide eyed, watching the way Oba-san’s hand had drifted down to cover hers gently. Her hands were rough with callouses and had a bit of flour smeared on the back. Eri had never met anyone with hands like that. They seemed dry. She wondered what had happened to make them look that way.
“Eri-chan?”
“Oh… um … okay. Why?”
Oba-san, whose expression had lapsed back into a frown, offered Eri another smile. She’d only known her for a short time, but Eri thought her smiles always seemed so sad.
“So, when someone says thank you to you, what do you think they’re doing?”
Biting her lip, Eri hesitated. “I think… just that they’re happy you did something for them. They want you to know they’re happy?”
Before she was even done, Oba-san was nodding. “Exactly. But that’s not exactly what everyone here thinks. Here it’s more…” She pauses to think, wiping off her hands on her already dirtied apron. “It’s more of a trade. You did something nice for me, so now I owe you. And people will take that very seriously. An ‘I-owe-you’, a promise, it's really important down here. So don’t make any promises you can’t keep.”
Eri nodded, eyes fixated on the dress — where her hands had been covered. She felt the ghost of her touch, barely there. Even though they didn’t feel like her moms hands, it reminded Eri of her.
————
Eri curled her toes into the pebbles. The water gave her goosebumps and numbed her feet, even though the air’s warmth made her clothes stick to her skin. The hem of her dress was just a smidge too long, getting caught and pulled by the water. Eri studiously ignored the drawing sensation as she yanked the fabric up and bunched it under her armpits in order to bend over and pick up a smooth rock. Before she could straighten fully, there was a sudden push from behind and she tumbled over.
It was refreshing underfoot, but being doused in a creek of ice melt wasn’t pleasant. Gasping, she pushed her hair back out of her face and looked around. She was alone. Like always. Maybe it was one of the pixie children who loved to laugh at the clumsy changeling human.
The pull of the water was stronger now that she was nearly flat on her back, and she felt the temptation to let go. But that wouldn’t do, because Oba-san would be sad she was gone, and she wouldn’t have anyone to help with the washing and cooking.
But… Maybe the water would carry her somewhere nicer - but the outside world seemed so confusing. Maybe the water would carry her to some kelpie who would eat her whole, or she’d pet its fur and be dragged down and down and down. Maybe the creek burbled and fed into a deep river, and she’d meet a mizuchi. Or maybe it's just some dead end creek and a kappa was waiting at the end. She really didn't want to risk anything quite like that. Even if she ran away, nothing could stop Okugata from finding her. Okugata told her, and she doesn’t lie. Even Oba-san was all serious when she asked if she could ever go home, and looked at her with sad eyes.
Finding an adderstone would have to wait until she wasn’t being watched.
————
They would play tricks. Spinning an illusion over walls of entryways, swapping her plate with worms and mud. She didn’t always catch it in time, and every time she faltered or fell for their tricks, she could hear tittering and quiet laughter. She guessed that because she was so different, she was interesting to them. She could hear the other kids. They said cool, and interesting, and gross, all in the same breath. And they said it the way she remembered her brother talking about the toad he’d found in the garden.
Once, Eri asked Oba-san why she was stuck there. Why Okugata was interested in her. She kept kneading bread when she answered, barely pausing in her task.
“I’m not sure.”
Eri tilted her head slightly, worrying at her lip. “Okugata said it was because I was… um… I think she said it was ‘cause I’m not normal. Is that bad?”
Oba-san wrinkled her nose as she stilled her hands. “Eri-chan, there’s nothing bad about you. I promise.”
Eri jolted a little, nearly dropping her doll even as Oba-san continued kneading. She never made promises.
————
A few days after the river incident, she didn’t have any errands to run. Oba-san had smiled at Eri and told her she should go out to play. So she did, and drew pictures in the loose soil with a branch. A couple times Eri saw movement in her peripheral vision, of other kids flitting about and playing. They didn’t invite her, nor bother her. But she felt them staring, boring holes into her back.
A half-fae boy suddenly moved into her line of sight. He was quiet, and sat just on the edge of her vision, indistinct. She ignored him, hoping that he would lose interest in her if she didn’t offer anything to comment on.
When he also remained silent, Eri chanced a look at him. He seemed to be a bit older than her, but it didn’t look like it was by much. He had sat cross legged, and wasn’t looking at her, but rather at her previous drawings scratched into the dirt.
“You can call me Hitori.” He spoke suddenly, not moving at all. It scared Eri so badly she nearly jumped, but she grabbed a fistful of her dress at her sides, holding it in. Hitori turned his head to meet Eri’s gaze, and she stared back, wide eyed.
Hitori was wearing relatively nice clothing — nothing as nice as Okugata’s finery, but it was much better than her own. His eyes were purple, as was his hair. It was wild, sticking up at every angle, as if no one had ever taken a brush to it. And Eri was sure Oba-san would have a fit if she ever came back with twigs in her hair. His expression was completely neutral, though he looked a bit tired. Hitori gave no indication that he was going to say any more, nor that he would move from his spot. He looked away from her, and up at the surrounding trees of the clearing.
Eri hesitantly returned to doodling in front of her, trying to hide the shaking in her hand. Gaining any more attention wasn’t a good idea.
But she was so lonely.
“I’m E- Um. You can call me Rie.” she spoke quietly, keeping her eyes down. She had nearly forgotten Oba-san’s warning about introducing herself, and watched for Hitori’s reaction. She could swear he smiled.
————
Eri had always had a tiny horn, just on the side of her temple. But it started to grow. Slowly. She never noticed it, catching glimpses of herself in the pond or a vague shape distorted by the bottom of the pot. Occasionally, she would get feverish and tired, having to lay in bed without completing her duties. She always feared retribution from Okugata, but the absence was never remarked upon.
She wondered if she could disappear, one day. Would they still go looking?
Oba-san said they would. Told her time and time again that to run is to invite punishment, a breach of a contract Eri had never known she’d signed. So she stayed, and wondered if she’d see anything else.
————
The fae children had grown bolder. They allowed her to catch sight of them from time to time. When they insulted her and teased her, it was to her face rather than just out of earshot. They didn’t hide behind glamour, emboldened through repeated exposure. She rarely saw adult fae. When she did, she would stay very, very still, and hope they took no notice. She had seen the kind of cruelty that Okugata could harbor towards humans, and wasn’t eager to be on the receiving end for a perceived infraction.
She knew that for all they were kids like her, those fae still held immense power over her. They could run home to their parents and mention Okugata’s odd little changeling girl, and how she had offended them. Or they could just do what they do best, and manipulate. Once, a pixie boy pulled her up from the ground from where his friend had pushed her, Eri had reacted without thinking.
“Um, thank you- I-” She stopped as soon as the words left her mouth, and looked up wide-eyed at the boy. His grin was quicksilver, and he crowed to his friends behind her.
“The human just thanked me!”
She couldn’t hear what they said over the sound of blood rushing to her head.
“You owe me a debt.” He said, walking heel to toe in a slow circle around her. She heard a twig break over the sound of her breathing, which she was acutely aware of.
“What do you think I should have you do?” His grin never faltered, frozen almost unnaturally.
Eri closed her eyes, shaking her head.
“Aww… Hm. You know, Botan really didn’t like when you threw that rice on the ground. He had to sit there and count it all out. All night! Really wasn’t nice of you.”
Botan had been pulling her hair, dancing in circles around her. Pushing her toward the river, closer and closer to where she knew a kelpie lay in wait. She had panicked, throwing the rice across the shore. When she ran, she didn’t look back.
“I wonder how long you can count?” He tilts his head abruptly, eyes a touch too wide and teeth a touch too sharp.
After a moment, he looked around the clearing in an almost bored manner. “Lavender! Nice and calming.” He found a tiny plant, and plucked a stem up. “I want a bouquet. And then I want you to come back here and pluck off each petal and count them. Only then may you return home. Go.”
And Eri found her feet moving almost without her permission.
After that, she never forgot to avoid giving her thanks.
————
Eri stood next to Oba-san, drying the dishes. Her hands were a bit itchy, but it wasn’t like she was dunking them in the water over and over. Oba-san was, and her hands were red—though it didn’t seem to bother her.
Zoned out, Eri was completely blindsided by the splash that hit her face. For a moment, she just stood there, hands stuck halfway through drying a plate. She had to stifle a giggle at the sensation of a lump of bubbles stuck to her cheek.
She set the dish down on the counter, squinting at Oba-san’s studiously blank face. Eri held out her hand as if she were going to just take the next dish. As Oba-san started moving the bowl, Eri quickly reached into the mess of suds and splashed a handful onto the front of her apron.
When Oba-san turned to her with an expression of mock-outrage, Eri couldn’t hold in the rest of her laughter and nearly fell over giggling. The older woman couldn’t keep up her facade either. She laughed and gently smacked Eri’s shoulder with a damp towel.
“Little brat.”
————
The days where Eri was flushed and unwell were growing more frequent, but she didn’t think much of it. Sometimes she saw Oba-san watching her, looking worried, though. It culminated in the day when a fae girl was taunting her as she walked through the service hallways of Okugata’s home. The girl kept pushing, and pulling. Her words all blurred together, but her pushes were getting more insistent.
The girl taunting her had her delicate hand locked in a vise around Eri’s wrist, tugging her brutally to one side and the other. Eri screwed her eyes shut and just wanted it to stop. She just wanted things to go back to the time when all the other kids never touched her.
Her horn grew hot, and the skin around it was burning. The girl had suddenly let go over her wrist, stumbling back.
“My wings!” She was shrill, backing up further and further away from Eri. “You took them! You took them from me!” Her narrow face was growing redder by the second, more and more outraged. “You took something from me! Give them back! Give them back or I’ll take something from you, too.”
Eri had pressed herself against the wall, wide-eyed. She wanted to shrink down, further and further, she just wanted to go away. She didn’t know what had happened, what she did. How to fix it. She shook her head, panicked and stuttered out a weak protest. “No-no I didn’t- I don’t, I- I…”
“Fine! Fine. You’ll get your sight back when I get my wings back!”
The last thing Eri saw was the enraged girl making a vague gesture. And then it was dark.
It took several days for her vision to come back. What she thought was several days, at least. It was a long time before she was able to make it back to Oba-san’s small room outside the kitchens. Eri thought she was one or two floors above the ground, and Oba-san lived on the first floor of the expansive estate. She fumbled around in the dark, feeling slightly detached from the panic that made her hands shake. Eventually she managed to find the stairwell and made her way down it slowly and deliberately.
When Eri had her vision back, it had been at least three days, and the sun was throwing its pink light across her bedsheets. Oba-san told her that the girls' wings had reappeared during the night, just as they had the first time.
Eri returned to her duties, but was thrown off by Okugata’s reaction. She wasn’t sure that the lady had ever spoken more than a couple of words to her. But in the long hallway down to a casual receiving room, Okugata stopped suddenly and turned to face Eri. Her eyes were inhuman and seemed to glow. After realizing that she had made eye contact accidentally, Eri locked her gaze on the ground. She could gauge Okugata’s reaction in the floor’s shiny surface.
“I knew you’d be interesting…” She trailed off, looking contemplatively at Eri’s horn. “I suppose we’ll just have to keep an eye on that, hm? I expect you to keep up with your duties, else I’ll assign you additional work.”
When Okugata finally turned around and began walking again, Eri allowed herself to relax a bit. After she was certain that the sound of the robes would hide it, she took a shaky breath. Her steps were measured and silent.
Eri despised having to attend Okugata.
She’d do her part. Enter the dining room slightly behind and to the left of Okugata, footsteps silent and careful. She was not to walk in line with the lady, nor was she to fall too far to the side or behind. She was not to step on Okugata’s finery, which skittered across the marble flooring, and she was to keep her head down. She was supposed to be a pretty toy. They were headed toward the reception dining room, Eri thought, though it was difficult to tell. The halls of the complex shifted constantly, and the hallways were nigh identical. But when they reached the grand double doors, they opened to reveal a long table formed of glassy blue gemstone. The floor was a single slab of marble, clean to the point of shining and the tall windows on either side of the table revealed impossible sunsets and rolling plains.
As Okugata sat, Eri moved to the wall behind the head of the table where glossy wooden planks met vines and flowering branches. She folded her hands behind her back and kept her eyes down, careful not to rustle the greenery. While she was expected to be perfect whenever at the lady’s side, there would be a special kind of punishment for any mistakes made while in the presence of important people.
Even so, she glanced up when the guests door opened, careful to keep the movement small.
The man who stepped into the room wasn’t tall in comparison to some of the adult fae Eri had encountered, but he felt bigger. He felt more physical, as if he took up more space. More real. His hair was close cropped and a reddish brown. He wore an odd mask, elongated and stiff. Eri had never seen anything like it, and it took a considerable amount of effort to stop herself from staring noticeably.
As it was with every meeting, Eri could not hear the proceedings. Okugata always used some kind of magic to keep the conversations strictly at the table. But Eri could still see.
The man had sat himself down deliberately, and folded his gloved hands together. Both he and Okugata were still and impassive in their body language. They spoke for quite a while, neither giving any clues as to what their conversation was about. Eri often had to quickly lock her gaze back to the ground, as the man would glance at her throughout the meeting.
Eventually, he inclined his head politely, and stood to leave. The door shut with a soft click behind him, and she wondered what it was all about.
————
Eri wasn’t sure how old she was, and she was kept away from any other human children, though she often saw them hurrying from place to place with platters in serving outfits. She was never made to do that, and wasn’t entirely sure why. She kept forgetting to ask Oba-san.
The point being, she only ever really talked to Oba-san, and wasn’t permitted to speak to Okugata unless requested specifically. All the fae who might conceivably be her age had so far avoided her like the plague outside of their ‘pranks’. So when Hitori plopped down next to her on the side of the stream, she had no protocol, no experience.
Hitori didn’t seem to feel the need to fill the relative silence, simply sliding until he was laying down flat on the bank, round stones shifting to accommodate him.
Eri took in a deep breath, listening to the way the trees rustled above her. It was difficult to gauge the passage of time in court, as it was eternally summer, and sometimes the sun didn’t want to set, or it felt too tired to come back up. Days didn’t work the way she thought they were supposed to — she didn’t really remember what it was like outside. Oba-san would sometimes sigh and look out the window when the sun was feeling erratic, looking sad and wistful. And though she thought she had met Hitori recently, Eri couldn’t be sure. Before, he looked maybe only a bit older than her, but now he seemed at least a couple years older. His hair was longer too.
She wished she was wearing her dress so she could wrap her hands in it.
Eri tried to keep her voice from shaking as she asked, “A-are you part of the court?”
Hitori turned slightly, angling his head toward her. “No. I’m not part of any courts. I just like to visit sometimes. Are you?”
Eri locked into place, trying to remain as still as possible. She forced herself to take another breath, and another, and lower her shoulders from around her ears. “Maybe? I think.”
Hitori nodded, not reacting to her change in demeanor. “What are you doing alone out here?” He nodded towards the stream, shallow and slow moving.
Eri blinked at the change in topic, unsure if she should keep talking. He didn’t seem mean. He could be faking it, though. But if he wasn’t mean right now, he might be angry if she was rude enough to not answer his questions. Or he’d be even angrier if she lied.
Eri was starting to see why Oba-san warned her away from engaging the fae kids in conversation.
Her eyebrows furrowing, she landed on, “Looking for something.”
Hitori’s eyes crinkled. She thought that was good? He didn’t seem to be angry with her, at least. “Somethin’ you lost?”
She shook her head. After another silent moment, she got to her feet and waded into the stream. At it’s deepest point, it came to just below her knees, and the dirt at the bottom was disturbed, a cloud of particles obscuring her feet from view. Her coveralls were soaked, but it didn’t really matter. They’d dry eventually. Hitori watched her from where he had settled down, not giving any clue as to what he was thinking, and not making any moves toward her.
“Hmmm… Something someone else lost?” He had closed his eyes, speaking up into the air. She could just walk away. The sound of her leaving would be obscured by the stream, and she wouldn’t have to worry anymore. But he seemed pretty nice.
“No.” She bent over, running her hand across the ground, attempting to stir up any loose rocks or pebbles. She wasn’t sure where else to look for an adderstone except the moving water, and this was the only moving water that she knew of. Everything else in Summer was still and glassy or stagnant.
“Alright.” He went quiet, and for a few minutes, Eri thought he had given up questioning her. But out of nowhere, he nearly startled her into falling over.
“Something to see with?” Hitori hadn’t moved an inch, and wasn’t looking at her when she froze.
At the prolonged silence, he raised an eyebrow and looked at her with only one eye. Seeing her stiff with fear, Hitori sat up.
“Rie-chan,” he began, his voice level as it always seemed to be, “I promise.”
Hearing promise, Eri immediately made eye contact and slowly turned to face him.
“Rie-chan, I promise I won’t hurt you unless you’re trying to hurt me. And I promise I’m not trying to ask questions to harm you. I promise I’m just asking because I want to talk to you. I swear.” Despite the heavy words, he maintained an almost disinterested monotone. And maybe, maybe Hitori could lie, since he wasn’t full fae. But no matter what, anyone with any amount of fae blood knows that to make a promise is to stake your life on it. He wouldn’t - couldn’t, say those things, unless he truly meant it.
“I-” Eri started, but her vision was blurring. She sniffed, and even though she wasn’t able to see clearly, she could tell Hitori had moved in alarm. Eri gave a half-hearted, watery smile. “Um. I’m looking for an adderstone.” She hesitated only a moment before offering “And- and my name is Eri.”
She rubbed at her eyes, trying to clear away her tears so she could see Hitori’s face. Standing up, she could tell he was significantly taller than her, and was definitely older than he was before. And even though she hadn’t known him long, she could tell he looked startled, if only for a second.
He gave a slight smile, and rubbed the back of his neck. “My name’s Shinsou.”
————
Eri sometimes had nightmares. Oba-san was always there, rushing into the room at the smallest sound, and calming her. She’d hug her in her blanket and hold her tight. It always helped, the pressure and gentle words.
It didn’t help, that night.
That night, Eri woke in a panic, taking deep breaths that didn’t feel like enough. It was like her chest was closing in on her, and her forehead was so warm. The blankets were smothering her, and something was trapping her, and holding her, and she couldn’t get out and it wouldn’t stop, it was too hot. She kicked, not paying attention to her surroundings. She just needed out. It was too dark for her to make out anything, and any calming words were drowned out by her rasping breath. The blanket was gone now, but she could feel warm arms trying to hold her still, and she wanted it to be over.
Eri felt as if the skin on her forehead was burning, and everything stopped.
For a moment, she was completely still. Her head felt fuzzy and she was lightheaded. Tripping over her blankets, she blindly made her way over to the wall. She sank into a squat and hugged her knees with her arms and sat unmoving. Despite her best efforts, she dozed like that for some time, and only woke when it was light enough to see around the room.
She eased herself up to stand, her muscles protesting from being left in the same position for so long. Eri bunched her dress in her fists, and peered into the other room. There was no door, and all she had to do to see the living area was lean forward. Their ‘house’ was a small offshoot of the estate’s kitchens.
“Oba-san? Are you awake?”
Eri took a few tentative steps into the kitchen. Normally, she was up before Eri, and had set out the small saucer of milk. Oba-san would be whistling and making some kind of breakfast. The dish was empty, and the stoves were cold.
Eri paced anxiously through the small living area where Oba-san usually slept, and felt like her heart was in her throat. It was so empty. And dead quiet. Afraid of what she’d find, Eri made her way back to her room. It was already tiny, but it felt like it was closing in on her.
She steeled herself, and moved into the room. There was nothing there.
Eri’s hands shook. She felt immeasurably tiny.
“Oba-san?”