Chapter Text
Sam filled a kettle with water in an attempt to give herself something to do. Tea was supposed to calm nerves, right? It had never really worked for her before, but Jack should be pulling up any minute and she had to do something other than pace. He had called from the car when he left the base and, given it was well after any kind of rush hour traffic, she knew exactly how long it should take him to get home. It had been so hard to leave earlier, knowing that he couldn’t follow her right away. Especially with what she had to tell him.
Jack had left the SGC for her, for them, but he hadn’t quite retired yet. There was still so much to do in D.C. and she had her own career to think about. They weren’t in the same state as much as they would have liked, but they were a couple. Just no one knew yet. Not even the rest of SG-1. They could probably figure it all out if they put their minds to it, but no one had yet.
Maybe they were about to.
The secret was getting harder to keep. Not that they weren’t good at keeping secrets, but she just was finding less and less enjoyment in sneaking around. It had been a game in the beginning. But today there had been other people around when she first spotted him for the first time in close to a month, so running to him for a kiss was out of the question. Even though she had something important to tell him.
And the fact that she hadn’t had the chance to tell him with his travel schedule also grated on her. He hit the ground running when he landed. She doubted he had been alone either, and the conversation they needed to have required privacy.
She slammed the kettle onto the stove a little rougher then she meant to. The face she made in response would have been an apology if the stove could have cared. She turned the knob, and the gas clicked on.
Headlights came into view on the road outside. It could just be someone passing by since she couldn’t make out much about the car in the darkness. She pulled at the end of her braid, willing the car to slow and turn towards the driveway. It did, and though objectively she knew it had nothing to do with her hoping, she still thanked the powers that be.
He was home.
Jack’s mail still went to his cabin, but he lived with her when he was in Colorado. She loved that he had his own keys so he could come and go as he pleased. That half of the closet was his. That there was a razor in the medicine cabinet. That she had started to clear out space for him in the office so it didn’t feel like he was just keeping things in her closet. It was his home now, and he was returning to it after a long absence.
There was another impatient pause as he parked, gathered his things, and made his way to the back door. She saw his silhouette and then he was coming through the door, a bag slung over one shoulder and the jacket of his dress uniform over the other.
“Hey, there,” he said with a broad grin.
She didn’t answer, just move towards him. He barely had time to let his things go and open his arms to her before the collision. She wrapped around him and he squeezed her tightly. She had been wanting to that all day.
“It was really unfair, seeing you at the SGC and not being able to do this,” he said.
“Do what?” she asked, fairly certain what the answer would be.
He let go of her just so he could pull her in again for a kiss. Sam closed her eyes and let herself relax into him. Together. At last. After all these years. She had chided herself so many times for holding out hope for these kinds of moments, but it turned out they were worth the wait.
“Welcome back,” she said when they let each other go.
“Good to be back,” he said in response.
She moved aside so he could actually get more than a step or two inside the house. He scooped his things off the floor. The jacket he hung on the back of a kitchen chair and the bag he sort of chucked toward the stairs. Both would make their way upstairs, eventually.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, moving around the island to put a little distance between them. “There're leftovers.”
She had something to say, and she didn’t want to get distracted the way they usually did after a homecoming. There was more than one reason she had been waiting for him to get home. Longing was only one of them.
“Landry treated me to dinner in the mess,” he said.
He wrinkled his nose a little, and she doubted that had much to do with the food. She would bet he would’ve preferred having dinner with her. This was the worst part about keeping their relationship a secret. Neither had a good way of excusing themselves to get alone together. It often meant not greeting each other the way they wanted to, or seeing each other and pretending they hadn’t woken up together, or not being able to get home as quickly as they wanted.
What excuse could Jack give for turning down dinner with Landry when Landry thought Jack was only going home to an empty cabin? ‘I’m tired’ only worked so many times.
Sam cast around for what to say next. She had been waiting for this moment but now it was here she was chickening out.
“How was the rest of the day?” she said.
“It was, you know, work.” He brightened. “I negotiated two days off though.”
“Oh, good. Me too. Well, it was on the schedule.”
“I know it was.” He was grinning again.
“Does this mean we actually get a weekend together?”
“I think it does.”
“Then, I think you should get out that uniform.”
He had already been pulling at his tie, but he stopped to raise an eyebrow at her. “Is that an invitation?”
Her entire body tensed for a second when she realized that was exactly what it sounded like. There was still a small embarrassed thrill that she could say things like that and mean it. But she had to focus.
“Not yet,” she said, maybe a little more firmly than she intended.
Jack cocked his head. “Am I missing something here?”
“No, well, yes, actually. I have some news.”
“Good news or bad news?”
“Good news, I think, but it’s going to cause some, um, problems. Go get changed. I’ll tell you in a second.”
He blinked at her for a moment and turned towards the stairs. For the number of years he had been her commanding officer, he was more than willing to follow her orders. He grabbed his bag again and disappeared.
The kettle started to whistle, so at least she had something to do while she waited again. She got a mug and a teabag from a cabinet and put in a little sugar from a pot on the counter before adding the water. She started to reach for the fridge to get some milk, but the thought turned her stomach so she just carried it to the kitchen table. She sat in one of the kitchen chairs for more waiting.
It didn’t take long for Jack to return in a t-shirt with an Air Force emblem on the front and a pair of sweatpants. His hair stuck up from yanking the shirt over his head.
“Well?” he asked with concern in his voice.
She pointed to the chair adjacent to her, and he obediently took it.
To buy a few more seconds to find her words, she dunked the teabag a few times. She didn’t know if it would be good news for him. With his past and they had only ever discussed their future in an abstract sort of way. Together seemed a given but the rest of the pieces were hazy.
“Sam?” he prompted.
She took a deep breath and said it. “I’m pregnant.”
They both preferred directness, but she might have been a little too on the nose. He was staring at her with his mouth open a little. His eyes found hers and locked on.
“You’re what?” he said.
“Having a baby. According to about four drug store tests.”
“But how? I thought you took—”
She interrupted him. “You want to get into the mechanics of it now?” There was a slight catch in her voice she hadn’t expected. He didn’t seem happy.
“God, no. I’m just, um, surprised.”
“Good news or bad news?” Her voice almost trembled.
Maybe she could blame it on hormones, but she felt close to tears. It definitely hadn’t been planned, but she wanted to be a mother and she was realizing she wanted to be a mother to Jack’s child. He had already been a father and had lost it all. What if he couldn’t do it again? What if he didn’t want to? What would that mean for them?
Still, she kept her back straight, kept her gaze focused on his. The only tell was that sound in her voice. It was so small, but he would notice.
Suddenly, he was raising to his feet and pulling her with him. He gathered her up in arms, holding her as tightly as he had when he came home. She was always been a little taller than average, rarely ever feeling small, but he had just enough height on her he made her feel wrapped up and safe.
“Very good news, babe. The best news,” he said gently.
“Yeah?” she said, her voice muffled against him.
“Yeah, just a little...”
“Shocking?”
“Yeah because it does make things, um...”
“Complicated?”
He was laughing now. “Quit finishing my sentences, Carter.”
“Sorry, sir.”
They couldn’t seem to break the habit of calling each other sir or Carter.
He lifted her chin so he could kiss her again. It was softer than their first kiss of the night. She believed that it was good news for him.
“Wow, a baby,” he said when they broke apart. His grin was back, but he still looked a little stunned.
“What are we going to do?” she said, also smiling but really asking the question.
“Easy. I retire, we get married, and live happily ever after with our kid.”
She tensed again. It was her turn to be surprised. “Married?”
“‘course. If you want to.”
Sam untangled from the embrace and dropped into a kitchen chair. She was as exhausted as if she had just finished an entire day of basic. He sat back too and covered her hand with his.
“Don’t go thinking it out of some obligation,” he said. “You did know this is where we were heading, right?”
Like she had thought until death did they part, but she hadn’t been sure about making it official.
“I guess I didn’t know if you’d want to make it legal,” she said.
“And I figured you would. Since you and Pete...” He trailed off yet again, but she didn’t feel the need to finish the sentence for him this time.
She had said yes to Pete because he had asked not out of any deep desire to wear a white dress. But now that she was talking about it with Jack, she liked the idea even more.
“But hey,” he continued when she didn’t say anything, “if you don’t want to, that’s fine too. As long as home is together, the paperwork doesn’t matter.”
“Can we decide later?” she said tentatively.
“Yeah, of course. One big thing’s enough for tonight!” He laughed, but his gaze unfocused like he was still processing.
“I did spring it on you, but I wanted to tell you in person.”
“How far along do you think you are?” Now it was his turn to ask some tentative questions.
“A few months maybe?”
“Gotta be at least one,” he said, eyeing her with mock suspicion.
“Yes, at the very least.” She said not raising to his teasing.
“I don’t know. You know how mice are when cats are away.”
“Jack?”
“Hmm?”
“Stop that.”
“Okay.”
She had always been the one to tell him when he’d reached a line.
“How about you feeling?” he said to change the subject.
“Fine. No severe symptoms. I’ve just been really tired and lots of food just doesn’t seem appealing.” She made a disgusted face, remembering that she had almost added milk to her tea.
She’d forgotten about the mug and took a sip now.
The truth was, she had been in denial for a long time. Because of the extreme things she put herself through at work, her cycle wasn’t regular. It wasn’t too unusual to skip it, but it had been at least three months. There had been a weekend she made it out to D.C. to visit in that time frame. She had always found a way to excuse the other symptoms. She was always exhausted, and it wasn’t like she was throwing up every morning in the way ‘morning sickness’ would suggest. When she had admitted to herself, she was rationalizing, she purchased the at-home tests. The second line appeared on the test stripe and she knew she was right.
Samantha Carter, wife and mother. It had the potential to happen so quickly. She’d seen other versions of herself leading this life, but somehow she was still surprised it was happening to her.
“I’m glad it has been crazy. For Sara, it was—” he cut off.
He cleared his throat and looked as if he was fighting his emotions. He then got up to move away from the table, leaning on the counter and keeping his back to Sam. She looked away for a moment, torn between wanting to comfort him, and wanting to give him privacy.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Memories.”
“It’s a lot, I know,” she said. She got up slowly, so he knew she was there, and encircled him in another hug. “I would understand if you didn’t want to go through with this.”
In all the crazy and life-threatening stunts she had pulled in her career, nothing seemed as scary to her as much as saying those words. Normal life was sometimes so much biggest than galaxies. She wanted this, and she wanted to do this with him. It would be her only chance with him if he didn’t want to be a father again.
He straightened and flipped so suddenly she was the one being held again.
“Hey now, I absolutely want to go through with this. Just give me a day or two before we start talking about cribs and names, okay?”
“Whatever you need.”
Her tone neutral, but her heart was soaring. She had been so worried about his reaction and if he would feel the same way she did. She had had a couple of days to come to her conclusions, so it was only fair that he got the same.
“This is what I get for being with a younger woman,” he muttered and she laughed.
The rest of the evening seemed oddly normal, except she fell asleep on the couch while they were watching the news. He woke her gently when it was over and had to lead her upstairs to their bedroom. Needless to say, he did not get the soldier’s welcome he might have been hoping for, but she thought he’d understand.
She woke to the sunlight the next morning instead of an alarm. She could hear him moving around downstairs but stayed in bed with her eyes half-closed. It was such a treat to not have anywhere to go.
When there was a loud thump and a few choice curses, she fully opened her eye. What was he doing?
She rose, stretched, and grabbed a knit blanket from the end of the bed. She wrapped it over her shoulders as she went downstairs. Following the sounds, she found him in the doorway to the office picking up the contents of one of the boxes she’d packed.
“What are you doing?” Sam asked, not bending down to help him.
“Well, good morning to you,” he said in a huff.
“It was a good morning until you woke me up with all the noise.”
A looking of panic crossing his face and he stood up. “Damn, really?”
“No, not really.” His concern disappeared. “But what are you doing?”
“Trying to move the damn boxes to the car. They’re for donation, right?”
The office was in a room a real estate agent would call a sunroom. It was all windows on three sides, which didn’t leave a lot of room for storage. And Sam had a lot of books. She had sorted through years of things, so there was enough room for Jack’s junk. The donation boxes had been ready for months, and neither had even made a plan to do anything with them.
“Yeah, but why now?” she asked.
“Because they’re heavy.” He bent back down and tossed a few more things back inside the one that had spilled.
“Not so heavy,” she said with a laugh.
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t be lifting anything now.”
That wiped the smile off her face. The large implications of being pregnant hadn’t crossed her mind yet. She had been so focused on telling him. It was sort of a shock to remember there were things a pregnant woman wasn’t supposed to do.
“My limbs haven’t stopped working,” she said hotly. She had even taken supposed physical limitations seriously before.
Jack threw the last book back into the box with a flourish. “I know that—it’s not my rule.” He noticed the look on her face. “What’s wrong?”
The list of things that she was about to not be able to do was unfurling in her mind.
“I’m going to have to leave the team.”
“For a while at least.”
“Motorcycles?” She already knew the answer.
He shook his head almost apologetically.
She sunk down into the couch. The office and the living room were attached, so at least it wasn’t far to go.
It was not only what changes she was going to have to make for the foreseeable future that were crossing her mind, but also that if she was three or four months along like she thought that was three or four months where anything could have happened. Three or four months of missions on other planets where she breathed air she wasn’t used to or what shot at or stunned. Three or fourth months of not eating the right things and drinks after work with SG-1.
He leaned on the door jamb. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. “I’ve been so focused on what to tell you. I guess I didn’t consider everything else. I’m starting to.”
“Mission-oriented,” he said.
She sighed because he wasn’t wrong. She liked the task that was in front of her, not the one that was next. She had overcome some pretty insurmountable odds but wasn’t so good at multitasking.
Fine, she would just have to make being pregnant her next mission. Long-term outcome of a healthy baby. Sam put a hand to her stomach by way of a promise. She didn’t like the idea of leaving her team down a member, but it was worth it to keep this little person safe. She was ready to do just about anything to keep them safe.
She focused on Jack again. “I think it just got real,” she said.
“Glad that I’m not the only one who needs to do some catching up.” He came and sat next to her. “I couldn’t sleep last night because I keep thinking about all the possibilities. It started out as all the bad things. What if I make the same mistakes again? Not just the one that cost me my son, but all the tiny ones too. I wasn’t around much because of my career, so I missed a lot. That’s a regret. But I’m getting a second chance here.”
“Life keeps going.”
“It does, and I hated that at first. I didn’t want to go on without him.” Sam took his hand. She knew how much it cost him to talk about Charlie. “But I’m glad now,” he continued. “Glad life kept going. Glad I made it back from Abydos and all those other missions. Glad I met you. Glad I get to do things better. I finally fell asleep thinking about all the good things.”
Sam kissed him. “I love you.”
She didn’t know what else to say. They didn’t talk like this very often. She was glad of all those things too. So many years of military training and keeping their feelings locked away left the instinct to trust that things were understood.
“I love you too.”
They didn’t say it enough.
Jack hesitated, flexing the fingers of the hand not still holding hers, and then reached over the covered her belly. In the same way she had just done herself, except it was thrilling when he did it. They had made this baby together.
She leaned her head against his shoulder and they stayed that like that for a long moment. Connected, but lost in their own thoughts.
Finally, Jack stirred. “Would ya hold the door while I get this box outside?”
She agreed since it was the only way she could help. She let him make her breakfast too.