Chapter Text
Baz and I are watching Penny frantically look around for her purple stone.
She's pulling back her hair into a wild bun, bending down to search.
Shepard ran to go check the car, swearing up and down that it must have fallen in there.
Baz tried to cast a finding spell, but he’s all drained up.
“I need to get it fitted to a new ring,” Penny tells herself, kneeling and digging through the grass. “Then this won’t happen.”
Baz huffs. He doesn’t like to feel useless.
We are standing a few feet apart, awkwardly orbiting each other without ever getting too close.
On the beach, he told me: “Why can’t you see that I wouldn’t be happy anywhere without you?”
I almost believed him.
Almost.
“I’m going to go check the table again,” I state, walking away.
Being too close is painful.
Baz once said: “I’d wake up every morning and think, ‘This will end in flames.’”
I feel like I could catch on fire.
I love him so much it burns.
It burns, and I’m on fire. I can’t let him too close. He’s flammable.
I’ll only hurt him more if he stays.
I look under the table to no avail, then stand up and see a portaloo.
Didn’t Penny go to the bathroom earlier?
I shrug to myself; it can’t hurt to check.
When I get in I have to hold my breath, it smells awful.
Luckily, I see it sitting on the hand sanitizer.
I smile and grab it, excited to leave the smell when Baz is thrust in.
“Woah, what-” I start, catching Baz.
His arms feel strong.
“I’m locking you both in until you get over this weird thing between you!” Penny shouts, slamming the door behind Baz. “I’m so done with the wistful sighs and woeful glances. Grow up!”
“Wait!” I shout, banging on the door, trying to open it. She must have jammed it. “I found your stone!”
“Hah! You can’t fool me!” She shouts back. “Enjoy the smell, I’ll be back in ten.”
I hear the grass crunch as she walks away, leaving Baz and I standing awkwardly close, still surrounded by the smell.
Baz sighs.
“She took my wand, just in case.” He mutters.
I hit my head against the wall.
We stand there awkwardly for far too long, and I can’t tell what makes me finally speak up.
Whether it’s being close to Baz, the chemicals, or the fact that I’ve not gotten proper sleep, I’m not sure.
“Baz,” I whisper, head still against the wall, “I’m not worth it.”
He scoffs.
Of course he scoffs.
“Simon, do turn around,” he says. “If I’m going to have this talk with you in a fucking portaloo then I’d like to do so to your face.”
I turn around and see him, cramped and a little hunched over, his arms crossed over his chest.
I can’t look into his eyes.
I’ll burn.
He’ll burn.
We are too close, it’d be deadly.
“Simon,” he says. I’m weak and I look up.
His grey eyes are soft. It’s dark, but a little light shines through the vent, creating lines on his face.
He’s still so beautiful, even in this context.
“Baz,” my eyes start to water. Is it because of the smell or the thought of losing Baz? The thought of hurting him. “I can’t do this, you shouldn’t have to-” I swallow, trying to find the words.
How do you break up with someone you love?
“You have so much going for you, and I- I'm stuck.”
“Simon you absolute idiot,” he sneers.
Somehow the arguing eases some of the emotion. Arguing is what we know. It’s always a fight with us.
“I know!” I say. It comes out much louder than I mean for it to. “I know you said you choose me or whatever. You don’t have to stick with it. You can break it off-”
“I love you, you absolute moron,” Baz shouts.
Silence.
I hear crickets chirping outside.
“I love you,” he repeats, quieter this time. “You’re an idiot, you’d eat butter by the spoonful if Bunce or I didn’t stop you, you drink unicorn frappuccinos. Yet I find myself in love with you.”
I’m staring at him, but he’s looking down at his feet as he whispers his confessions.
He loves me.
We’ve not said it before.
I always assumed…
“You love me?” I ask, voice shaking.
He nods, taking a deep breath in and holding it for a moment.
I always assumed it was just me. That I would love him, and that he’d move on. Move away from the mess of me.
He lets his exhale out and reaches for the handle again, shaking it.
“Fuck,” he breathes out.
“Baz,” I whisper, reaching out for him.
He lets me touch his shoulder, but he doesn’t look up.
I shake him a little, and he opens one eye to glare at me.
“Baz, I-” A breath. “I love you too.”
His eyes go wide, and he lifts his head up.
“I love you so much,” I tell him.
We’ve never said it.
I reach up and put a hand on his neck.
He leans down.
My heart starts to race.
It’s easier to hide when I do the kissing.
I let him do it this time.
He loves me.
He’s not going to hurt me.
His lips touch mine and I can breathe again. He pulls me close, and I let him lead the way.
Maybe it’s not so bad to let him have control.
But then, I feel something move, and we break apart. Our faces must have the same look of shock because the portaloo falls over.
I’m yelling, holding on to Baz.
The smell is everywhere.
It rolls and it gets even worse.
Baz keeps cursing.
I hear Penny shouting.
We stop.
I feel something smushy under my leg.
My shoes are soaked.
I try not to think too much about it.
“Merlin’s beard!” Penny shouts, opening the door and standing above us. “What happened?”
Baz starts climbing out first, looking worse for wear.
I stand up and toss Penny her stone, and she looks immediately regretful.
“Told you,” I say, straightening up.
She holds her gem out and casts clean as a whistle.
It gets rid of the worst of it. I still feel it though.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to look at a portaloo again.
I look up and see Baz glaring at Penny, only for him to look down at me and hold a hand out.
I reach out and intertwine our hands.
It’s not fixed, I don’t think. But it’s better.
“I love you,” I whisper as Penny walks away.
He leans down and kisses my forehead.
“I love you too, Snow,” he whispers back.