Archive of Our Own

Love is not easy. Even after you have lived your whole life with someone you consider a soulmate, no one can guarantee whether the love that you feel remains the same and still exists. Yet you have to grow, continue to live, meet many people, undergo various activities with or without each other.

Likewise with two people who are together. In the end, there are two different ways to lived their lives or looked at everything that happened. They have likes, dislikes, compatibility, and incompatibility. They are different people and no matter how long they are together so that no one can distinguish them; they will sleep on two different sides of the bed, look into each other's eyes and wonder: where did we go wrong?

But Jaemin and Jeno feel they are very ready to face all of the upcoming problems. Small problems such as where they will go on a date, some desperate people who are still eager to approach Jaemin or ask for Jeno's cellphone number, to prove to Mr. Na that they are serious and will be fine.

Mr. Na no longer brought up anything about their conversation that night. He acted as usual when Jaemin and Jeno left together because they had done it before they are in a relationship. Jeno is still protective of Jaemin and Mr. Na still loves him like before. For a moment, the Na family's residence is still as happy as ever.

Jaemin's, Donghyuck's, and Renjun's graduations took place quickly, and as Jaemin suspected, he celebrated with his family. Plus a special date with Jeno, where Jaemin finally gets his first kiss. He received an announcement letter shortly after, making him officially accepted as a student majoring in photography. Renjun became Jeno and Mark's junior: majoring in medicine, while Donghyuck became an art major student. Chenle and Jisung became seniors, started to busy planning their future.

Jeno's attitude never changes. He is still Jeno who is warm and protective. He drove Jaemin every day and met Jaemin on campus whenever he was free. He reached the peak of his popularity on college by becoming the ace of the basketball team. He served his first year of internship at the college hospital. For the first time, when his lover seemed to reach hundreds of steps forward to reach his dream, Jaemin felt so lost.

Unlike Jeno, he is not active in any organization and doesn't have many friends. He still relies on Renjun and Donghyuck to accompany him shopping or spending the weekend by café hopping. In addition, his world struggles around Lee Jeno. He would wait for Jeno to finish his basketball practice or return from his internship at the hospital, making him famous as Jeno's boyfriend. He took cooking lessons to fill his spare time, because Jeno said he likes home cooking meals. He took a photo while cycling to show it to Jeno. He refused all invitations to meetings or anyone who wanted to be close to him because he already had Jeno.

Jaemin felt there was nothing wrong because he was sure that Jeno had done the same for him. Until his third year as a student passed and he began to be preoccupied with his final assignment towards the last year.

They no longer meet often, even at home. Jeno will immediately sleep in his room, even still not changed from his practice clothes. Jaemin, who will wake up in the middle of the night, changes Jeno's clothes and says good night before he goes back to sleep. Mrs. Na started making Jeno and Mark a variety of foods and drinks to maintain their endurance.

For some reason, Jaemin began to worry when several of Jeno colleagues saw him waiting for Jeno in the lobby of the hospital. He's grateful because he could meet Renjun who was also an intern in the hospital. He never thought that it would lead to a big rift in his relationship.

One afternoon, he sat in the hospital lobby with swollen eyes. The assignment proposal was finally rejected for the umpteenth time and he no longer knew how to fix it. Without telling Jeno, he came to the hospital. He knew Jeno was having a break now. But he did not meet Jeno in the lobby or cafeteria. He ran into Mark who said that Jeno was resting in a special room for interns on the third floor.

Jaemin approached the room and opened the door without knocking, following Mark's direction because he suspected Jeno must be sleeping. He never expected to see Jeno sitting on one of the beds, facing Renjun who was sitting next to his feet. Renjun's hands held Jeno's cheeks and Jaemin didn't need to look longer to know what was happening.
He ran away with thumping ears and a dark look. He didn't know how, but suddenly he was outside and Mark caught his body. Jaemin cried in Mark's chest for a moment to then face with Mark who showed an expression that Jaemin memorized as mixed of guilt, pity, and sadness.

"You knew." He came up with a terrifying conclusion. He pushed Mark's chest and stopped a cab. He entered the cab, not giving any chance to the three people who banged on the door. The cab drove away and Jaemin wept in the passenger seat. Suddenly, his life has no meaning anymore. Everything he did during his youth was dedicated and revolved around Jeno and his family. He realized he had no asylum where there was no Jeno, nor Renjun.

Jaemin went home, packed his bag and cried on his mother's lap. He asked permission to leave to calm down and Mrs. Na crying with him. He left with lightning speed, filled out a form to occupy one of the beds in his department dorms. He slept in a room with twenty other people, sharing everything and throwing away all the privacy he had. He pushed his cellphone to the bottom of his bag and tried to find a new opportunity where he had another world without Jeno, nor Renjun.

Jeno and Renjun took turns looking for him to campus. Luckily all Jaemin's classes were finished, so he only heard that from his friends who were stopped by two medical students who looked very frustrated. He met Donghyuck, Jisung, and Chenle when he returned home one time. The three of them cried with him, accompanied by a heavy sigh from Mr. Na.

Jaemin busied himself with studying diligently, making friends, and looking for work. Without telling anyone other than his parents, he took the final tests and gets good grades. He took a deep breath before contacting Jeno.

They met at a café near the campus, where Jeno told him that Jaemin misunderstood everything because at that time Renjun did express his feelings to him, but of course Jeno rejected it. Jeno stressed that it was impossible for him to accept Renjun and he also said that Renjun had no intention of betraying Jaemin because he knew Jeno and Jaemin were together. Renjun just wanted to express his feelings because they worked together almost every day and he felt uncomfortable hiding this from Jeno while almost all their colleagues knew.

"Its just a simple crush, Nana. We never did anything to break your trust. Never In a million years. Please believe me."

Jaemin looked at Jeno, the only man he ever loved and maybe still was. Jeno who stayed up late with him, awaited the announcement of his college acceptance. Jeno who was on the sidelines of his busy schedule accompanied Jaemin to take photos. Jeno who brought him food almost every day. Jeno who hugged him tightly every time they met. Jeno who painted their fence with his father. Jeno who learned cooking from Mrs. Na in order to survive in the hospital.

His whole world. Jaemin learns it in a very hard way to not do it again and he learned.

They officially separated that day. The point where Jaemin felt he had graduated from a stage of life that made him hurt and learn.

Jaemin did not attend the graduation ceremony. Instead, he invited his parents to take pictures in a photo studio owned by his acquaintance, Johnny Suh, who also offered him a job. Jaemin thanked his parents for all their understanding of him for the past year. He apologized for hating Jeno, but he could not do anything to cure his feelings. Right at that moment, Jaemin asked permission to take the job that Johnny offered in his studio. Johnny gave him a scholarship to study landscape photography in America and Jaemin left after saying goodbye to Donghyuck, Jisung, and Chenle.

"We lost you," Jisung sobbed. His hand tightly grasped Jaemin's hand.

"After you left, it never felt the same... I don't talk to them for months too. I got angry to Mark. We're on breaks for months before we realized that we missed each other. And I don't blame you for that. I just got carried away with my best friend's feelings. Mum and Dad love them equally, like nothing happened. I guess Renjun felt bad so he stopped coming. Mum and Dad always ask for him but he always has his excuses. Jeno left too after awhile, because he feels bad that you need to get out even if it's your home." Donghyuck told me everything without being asked.

"I'm the only one they can speak to." Chenle said with a low voice. Jaemin knew Chenle must be sad because Renjun was his favorite hyung. "Jeno-hyung cried a lot. I heard him. Sometimes he slept in your room. Renjun-hyung got sick and hospitalized for two weeks. I kept him company, took care of him, because I know you wanted me to do that."

That what happens when you make someone your whole world. You lost it all. Jaemin left the next day, alone.

-

"Mark, they need you in the ICU."

Mark looked up from the book he was reading and nodded. He patted Jeno on the shoulder beside him.

"Lets go. We can walk together," he said. Jeno nodded and both of them came out of their break room with burning eyes. It's been a few days; they haven't come home from the hospital. The work was increasingly piled up and they could not breathe easily unless the head doctor ordered them to go home. Jeno felt his head would break at any time.

"Hey, isn't that..." Mark nudged his ribs, pointed to someone coming out of the examination room.

"Dad?" Jeno exclaimed, hurrying over to Mr. Na. Mark followed.

"My sons!" Mr. Na smiled looking at both of them. He was so proud to see Jeno and Mark getting closer to their dreams. "So strange to see my sons looks more handsome in hospital. I bet a lot of nurses or patients hit on you guys already. Omo omo, like an actor!"

Jeno and Mark laughed softly.

"I'm sorry, Dad. But they need me." Mark remembered the call for him. Mr. Na chased him away by hand.

"Yeah, yeah. Go saving lives, son."

Mark left.

"Dad, why are you here?" Jeno asked as he and Mr. Na sat in the cafeteria.

The light on Mr. Na's eyes changed. His smile narrowed and he no longer seemed to be playful as usual. He held Jeno's shoulder.

"Son. Did you know why I never gave you and Jaemin my permission?"

Hearing Jaemin's name mentioned in a question that had haunted him for years, Jeno was only able to shake his head weakly. Now every time he heard the name of Jaemin, what he remembered in his head was a glimpse of the man's shocked glance as he peeked into his break room. Then he cried in the cab before he went away. Leaving a hole in Jeno's heart that would never be able to be cured.

"Because I could loose you when something happened between the two of you. You are my son. And you know Jaemin is not a very brilliant person," Mr. Na laughed softly in the middle of his sentence, "I'm sure he will do something stupid. And now he did. I'm not just losing you, but losing him too, my own blood."

Jeno's tears flow endlessly. As if knowing that Jeno didn't want to be pitied, Mr. Na looked out the window.

"Come home, son. Your mum missed you. I missed you. Tsk, I can't believe I say this but I want to cook for you too. You're so skinny and pale. I'm sorry for never giving you a chance to become Jaemin’s boyfriend. I'm sorry for never seeing the both of you as a couple. Even its not my fault, but I feel sorry for everything you've been through."

"D-dad," Jeno interrupted, stammering. "I'm-sorry, Dad. ‘T was my-my fault."

"I know." Mr. Na smiled, this time looking at Jeno in the eye. He sighed and pulled out a piece of paper. "I did hope I'll see you here. So here." He handed it to Jeno. "This is my number. Text me or call me. Lets have a drink together. I won't let your mum or Jaemin know if that's what you want."

Jeno was overwhelmed with regret and wept, so Mr. Na handed him a box of tissues, but Jeno just let his tears spill out. He missed his father, mother, and their home. He missed Jaemin. This reminded him how the contents of his chest were snatched away and it was all because of his fault.

Mr. Na left after making sure Jeno ate all the food he bought.

-

How funny, even after distance and time have passed, a person never changes.

Jaemin went home, for good, considering he was so cheerful and seemed to be living a new life. They held celebrations at home, without Jeno, Mark, and Renjun who were busy at the hospital as usual. Jisung had just graduated from the dance department after being hampered for one year due to an injury while Chenle was already taking care of his parents' company. Donghyuck opened an art studio near their home.

Everything is fine. For the first time, Jaemin knew that.

He met with Mark a few days later. All the tension between them was disappeared as Jaemin greeted and invited him to speak like nothing happened. Mark talked about his desire to propose to Donghyuck and get married after he completed his residency program. All the old wounds that were kept were washed perfectly, making them more comfortable chatting as adults.

Everything is fine, until Mr. Na fell because of a heart attack. He died that night with Mrs. Na and Jaemin by his side.

Jaemin knew he shouldn't put his world on one person and he never realized that he still did it to his father. When he saw his father lying stiff and his mother howling beside him, Jaemin felt his world collapsed at once. He had felt where his entire stomach was forced to drain and his neat world suddenly charred. But he never felt where he didn't even have the world anymore.

His parents are everything to him. They are the only people who won't let Jaemin down, making him understand love in the first place. No matter how they should have predicted this, given by how Mr. Na condition started to show the worsened symptoms, but nothing prepared them for this.

Jaemin tried to be strong. At least for his mother. That night he took care all of the funeral preparations. The next day, he and his mother stood in front of his father's coffin under Mr. Na's last photo that Jaemin had taken. Both of them were wearing black clothes with white fabric on Jaemin's arm.

Donghyuck came, screaming in front of Mr. Na casket. Jisung, Chenle, and Mark followed, their faces already flooded with tears. Jisung shook his head vigorously, saying that he was dreaming. Chenle bit his lip until it bled. Mark hugged Donghyuck with his trembling body.

When Jaemin looked at his mother, he saw her crying in the arms of Renjun. Renjun also cried with his eyes closed. Jaemin never knew he missed his best friend.

"Nana..."

He heard the voice and saw two of his favorite people, Papa and Dada, who quickly wrapped him in a strong hug.

"I'm sorry, Nana..."

"We're here..."

Jaemin hadn't seen them for years, especially since his relationship and Jeno fell apart. But Jaemin could still smell the same fragrance from their bodies and hugs and he returned to his childhood, where he would sneak between Papa and Dada while they watched movies on the television and slept there. It screams safety and assurance. He don't know how long until the hug unraveled.

"You are a strong man, Nana. I'm so proud of you," Papa stroked Jaemin's cheek.

"He must be so proud of you too," Dada edged toward Mr. Na's photo.

"Thank you." That's all Jaemin can say.

He took his eyes off the two men to greet the other mourners as his eyes fell on a man standing not far in front of him. The man wore a black suit and looked at Jaemin with teary eyes. Jaemin held his breath, and suddenly he broke through anyone who blocked him with Jeno, hugging the man. Jeno hugged him with arms as strong as before and Jaemin broke down in it. He only needs his brother now.

"Hyung..."

They cry, cry, and cry.

-

The two ended up on a small bench outside the mortuary, sitting side by side. Jaemin's gaze were far away and Jeno wanted to ask how he was doing now. Has he changed. Did Jaemin achieve his dream. Did Jaemin succeed in curing his heart, because Jeno did not. He didn't even bother trying.

"He wanted us to gather around. All of us. He missed it. You. Renjun." Jaemin said quietly.

"I'm sorry I can't make it."

"He understood." Jaemin nodded.

"I left him. Not just because I lived abroad for a year, but inside,” Jaemin squeezed the hem of his shirt. "I left him. I didn't care about how he felt about... any of this." He pointed at the space between himself and Jeno. "I'm too focused to heal myself, I didn't know I lost him. And now I lost him."

Jeno remembered when he was at the hospital and Mr. Na talked about the same thing with him.

"Its not your fault, Nana. He said the same thing. Your father and I... we talked. A lot of times. He blamed us on our relationship, but he loves us. He loves you. He supported all of your decisions. And he did the same with me."

"He is your father too, hyung. He adores you more than me. That's why I left in the first place so he won't loose you."

"No, Nana..."

Jaemin rubbed his nose. Talking to Jeno reminded him of the past and his heart grew more aware that they were no longer together. He blamed himself for always feeling insecure and whatever happened between Jeno and Renjun would not make their relationship break if he believed in himself.

Jaemin slowly stood up. He reentered the building without turning. There is still much to be taken care of and he must not be affected by Jeno. His mother needs him. Jaemin entered the room when no more mourners came. His mother sat in front of the coffin, wiping tears while looking at his father's photo.

"Jaemin-ah..." she called out when she realized Jaemin was standing behind her. Jaemin sat next to his mother. He put his mother's head on his chest and Mrs. Na cried, letting Jaemin's hand put his arm around her shoulders. "He was happy... his sons are successful and happy. You reached your dreams. All of you... so its enough. He did enough."

"You did the best mum, dad." Jaemin kissed the top of his mother's head.

Suddenly Chenle hugged Mrs. Na's back. Jaemin felt Jisung's long, thin fingers, hugging him and his mother at the same time behind them. Donghyuck buried his face in Mrs. Na's lap. Renjun's head was on Jaemin's other shoulder, hugging his arm. Mark sat in front of Jaemin, grabbed Jaemin's hand and pressed his forehead to Jaemin's forehead.

Everyone cry. No matter how many times Mr. Na scolded them in a loud voice, forced them to eat breakfast every day, and sometimes smacked their arms with the newspaper, he was a very caring family man. Everyone knows Mr. Na was the most panicked and had already prepared to take anyone to the hospital if one of them was sick. Mr. Na who accompanied his wife shopping so she could make foods for children who were not even his by flesh and blood. Mr. Na who has been waiting for his wife to cook since morning, helping her without complaining.

Mr. Na, who prays for them every time they take an exam, picks up their clothes when it rains, drags them out of their room if they are sad, attends all their celebrations and performances, and even calls their parents. No matter how Mr. Na said that he would tattle their lazy attitude to their parents, he would end up praising how funny Chenle was, Jisung who was growing fast, Donghyuck who was friendly and sociable, Renjun who could be relied on, Mark who was studious, and Jeno who obeyed all of his parents words.
Everyone knows the way Mr. Na expresses his affection for each one of them without exception.

Even between Donghyuck and Chenle's howls, or among other bodies around them, Jaemin could still feel a touch from an arms that gently encircling his neck above Jisung's hands. Jaemin's neck felt warm before it was wet with tears. He knew Jeno kissed his neck while crying.

They could not fulfill Mr. Na's last wishes. When they can do it, it's too late.

-

Three months after Mr. Na passed away, Chenle called Jeno in a panic.

"H-hyung!! Hyung you know about this, hyung?! Hyung wh-where are they? Hyung answer me hyung!!!" his panicked voice not only made Jeno wake up from his sleepiness after staying up late from his endless shift in the hospital.

"Chenle! What happened? Slowly, please."

"I-I go home... our home... but its-its empty. Hyung! Where are they? Where is mum? Where is Nana?!"

"What do you mean, Chenle? They must be shopping or something–"

"Hyung! You don't understand! Its empty, hyung! There is nothing in their rooms and closets. Nothing in the fridge. Nothing in the kitchen. Their shoes are gone, too! Hyung!"

Jeno was only able to reach for his coat before running out, driving quickly to Jaemin's house. When he arrived, he met Chenle who sat on the stairs, crying while talking on the phone with Jisung.

Chenle was right. Apart from furniture such as chairs, shelves, and tables, everything is gone. The ceramic display shelf contains Mrs. Na's collection is empty. No cutlery in the kitchen, which was very alarming because Mrs. Na loves to cook. Jeno entered the master bedroom to see the bed covered in white cloth while the closet was empty. He went to Jaemin's room and saw that it was in the same state. Jaemin's bulletin board has been removed, all the frames and displays are also gone.

Fuck. No, no, no. He went down, only to found Mark and Donghyuck running around the house, checking everything.

"No. NO!" Donghyuck screamed when opening the closet. His hands trembled out the cellphone and called Jaemin. But the number is inactive.

"I tried to call Nana, but I can't reach him!" Chenle said, holding back tears.

"Okay," Donghyuck swallowed. "I know Johnny. I'll call him. Jeno, call mum. Call her now!" Donghyuck exclaimed.

Jeno complied. But Mrs. Na's number is also unreachable.

A few moments later, Jisung came in panic. "They must be going on a vacation." He tried to argue. Nobody moved or answered, making Jisung tremble slightly and enter Mrs. Na's room. Then he entered Jaemin's room.

"Johnny! Sorry to bother you this morning–” Donghyuck retreated to the balcony to avoid the intense air and tension in the living room.

Renjun arrived from the hospital, gasping. "What happened?"

"Mum and Jaemin is gone."

"What?!" he exclaimed.

Donghyuck enters, his face turns red and looks about to cry. "He said Jaemin resigned last month and he didn't know where he was."

"Damn it."

The door opened and they were surprised to see a strange man staring at them confusedly.

"Excuse me? This house is supposed to be empty. I have to put up the sign in the front. " The man raised a large bar that read ‘FOR SALE’. Chenle roared, Donghyuck cried, while Renjun and Jeno shook their heads quickly.

"What the fuck are you talking about?! We're living in this house! How dare you!" Jisung exploded.

The man was about to open his mouth when he remembered something. He looked at them one by one before removing something from his pocket. "The last owner gave this to me. They said I should leave it on the refrigerator. By any chance... this is for one of you...?"

They simultaneously looked at the white envelope in the man's hand. Jeno approached and found Mrs. Na's writing 'for my children'.

"I'll leave it to you, then. And please get out after you read it." The man came out.

Jeno opened the envelope carefully and read the contents. Renjun, Mark, Donghyuck, Jisung, and Chenle crammed around him.

For my children,
Jeno, Mark, Donghyuck, Renjun, Jisung, and Chenle.

Kids, this is your mum. And Jaemin. When you read this letter, our house is empty and you must be wondering. I'm sorry for not telling anything to you and I will explain the reason.
Me and your father always loves you. You are our precious children. Thank you for being a gems in our lonely life. I'm sorry if all this time has made you do things that you don't like and force you to eat my cooking which might not be good. Jaemin always wanted siblings, but as you all know, we can't have another children. We were very happy when he later met Jeno who took Mark. Donghyuck, Renjun, Jisung, and Chenle later. Your father always scolded you and I know sometimes you get hurt at his words, but forgive him for that way of love and he is too careful not to be attached too much so he won't get hurt if you leave us.

My handsome children,
After your father's pass away, I just wanted to fulfill his wish to live in a quiet place and enjoy my time being an old person. We always thought that you would be burdened if we still lived here. But if we move somewhere far away, you will have a reason to visit once a week or once a month, so we won't be too hurt and miss you. It seems that desire is too grandiose because your father left before we could make it happen. So this is where your mother is. Write a letter asking permission to fulfill your father's wishes.
Thank you for taking care of both of us all this time. I'm very happy the last three months you guys come home more often and visit me. You gave me such precious memories and realized our dreams as parents. We never ask for anything other than your happiness and health.
Your father will nag if I write to you all. He certainly can write a long letter to each one of you and remind you not to eat too late. But I know we will meet again so in the meantime, I hope this letter can be an answer to your questions now.
I first told Jaemin about my desire and he certainly wouldn't let me go alone. I feel guilty for making him quit the job he loves, but at one point, I felt Jaemin needed it as much as I did. We loves your father and you all too much so that there is nothing left for us. Forgive your mother for only allowing Jaemin to come. This doesn't mean I don't love you as much as Jaemin. But I won't be able to live in peace if it makes you worry and keep thinking about me.
Therefore, we decided to do this this cruel farewell: not only cruel for you, but also very cruel for us.
You know we will never be able to leave you. So forgive us if we planned this quietly and left suddenly. This is the only way we can go and you will continue to live well. Everything will be okay, sons.

My lovely kids.

My beautiful, precious kids that I raised like my own.

My worlds.

My dreams.

My everything.

I love you all, so so much.

Thank you for being willing to be everything in our lives.

Do me a favor and live well. Don't eat too late, have enough sleep, don't drink soda or eat junk food too much. Make sure you drink responsibly and don't drive afterwards. Keep loving each other, because that's how you keeps your father and I with you and relishing our memories. Send my regards to your parents.

And don't cry, kid. I can't drag you from the room anymore. Your mother is too old.

I love each one of you. Please do remember that.

 

Mom

They read it. Again and again.

"MOM!!!" Unable to bear it anymore, Jisung roared, knelt down and hid his face in his hands. His body shook so much that Mark had to hold it.

"Ji..."

"NO! I WANT MOM! I WANT HER, HYUNG! Hyung, lets get her back. Lets go after her and Nana, hyung. Hyung, lets go..."

Donghyuck closed his mouth with his hand while his eyes closed with tears uncontrollably. Renjun hugged him and wept on his back. Jeno was still in shock, he felt that his life had been torn away from his body. Chenle stood up, breathing hard, calling anyone she could contact to find Mrs. Na and Jaemin's whereabouts.

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE, GE! JUST GET ME AN AGENT OR SOMETHING I NEED TO KNOW WHERE ARE THEY!!!” Chenle shouted, not caring that he was talking to his brother.

The chaos left the door swinging open and the man who handed the letter back. "Done? Can you get out so we can do our job?"

"Fucking asshole. Give me the number, I'll buy this house right now!" Chenle pushed the man away before leaving to call the number on the bar attached to the fence of the house.

Jeno who seemed to be back into the reality then following Chenle.

"Fuck, hyung. Its not them. I got directed to the housing agency."

Jeno held Chenle's hand. "Lets buy this house, Chenle. Not just you or me, but all of us. They will come back. We need to buy this house."

"Got it, hyung. Let me contact my office."

Jeno looked at their house carefully. The white paint has faded and the tile is no longer bright red. Some parts of the house are a little damaged with age and a little unkempt. But that's their home. The house where they all felt their first kiss, celebrated their birthdays, celebrated their graduations, and drank alcohol. Jeno, like all of his friends, can't let this house go.

His eyes stumbled at the window on the second floor that facing the street. The window was not covered by curtains as usual, so Jeno could see how empty the room was inside. That window bears witness to the happiest times of his life. If he has to go home or go to the hospital, Jaemin will ask him to walk slowly. A few moments later, the window was open and Jaemin would wave, his eyes closely watched Jeno until the end of the road where he would turn and completely disappear from Jaemin's view.

Until this moment, Jeno could still see Jaemin with his most beautiful smile there. The chin on the palm of his hand while his elbows leaned against the window grille, staring at Jeno as if Jeno had just moved the moon to their yard. Jeno will do stupid things such as giving hearts sign with both arms and Jaemin will giggle softly, giving the same sign back.

Na Jaemin with his love that never made Jeno feel less or not satisfied. Na Jaemin who without trying, made Jeno willing to do anything to protect him. Na Jaemin who cooked him fried rice every time he came home exhausted. Na Jaemin who shined while showing the photos that he taken.

Na Jaemin who to him, Jeno fell in love not just once.

But many many times.

Endless.

Even at this time when Jeno was only faced with his empty room, without knowing where Na Jaemin was.

-

It took time for all of them to understand Mrs. Na purpose. Although cruel, they slowly understood the reason of Mrs. Na and Jaemin's decision. They might love Mr. Na and Mrs. Na like their own parents, but Mrs. Na has lived longer with Mr. Na and all of them know how the woman loves her husband.

They still have their parents in their own home. But Mr. Na and Mrs. Na doesn't have any other children besides them and Jaemin doesn't have any siblings besides them. Although it was hard for them, they knew that this was not easy for Mrs. Na and Jaemin. Mrs. Na and Jaemin are afraid of loneliness and no one can blame them. Mrs. Na and Jaemin used to live in the midst of the hustle and bustle of their lives. It would be too cruel if one by one they started to stop visiting and let the two of them hope.

Although no one intends to give empty hope to Mrs. Na and Jaemin, they know it's inevitable. They will grow up, settle down, then make their own living. Without Mrs. Na and Jaemin in it. Both of them took radical steps to save themselves. Mrs. Na loves her children too deeply and she does not want to put pressure on them to reciprocate her loves.
Seven months later, Jeno found a letter without a sender in his mailbox. He was stunned when he found the writing Na Jaemin in it.

For the last time, please come here.
I beg all of you.
For dad and mum.

Nana

Along with the letter, listed an address and booking information for a hotel room for six people on weekends. Jeno did not waste the opportunity, contacting all his friends and here they were. Drive on weekends to Busan.

There is not much conversation between them. They met several times to discuss about the house, but there was no progress on finding Mrs. Na and Jaemin. Donghyuck said in a low voice that both of them would return if they wanted to be found, but Jeno, Chenle and Jisung's sharp eyes silenced him. Renjun and Mark were always in the middle, well aware that Mr. Na and Mrs. Na wouldn't allow them to fight if they were here. Mrs. Na did tell them to love each other because that's how they remembered Mr. Na and Mrs. Na, but they can't lie and ignore the sadness between them. The conversation then shifted to the topic about by their work and busyness.

They arrived in Busan and checked-in to the hotel. Apparently someone has already booked and paid for their room. The receptionist also noted that they were asked to have breakfast tomorrow morning at the hotel restaurant located by the sea at 11 am. Without any other message and they certainly could not contact Jaemin, they went to sleep with palpitations. The next day, they got up and went to the restaurant, following the orders.

"This is useless, guys. What if it's just a prank?" Donghyuck complained for the umpteenth time, not understanding the concept of breakfast at 11 am.

"No one knows about Nana and sure that all of us are gonna be here," said Jisung.

"Whoever it is, he or she could just do some research to know that we have the same weakest point. I mean, we've been looking for months to no avail and then he suddenly sent some cryptic message to Jeno?" Donghyuck argued.

"You said we will find them if they want to be found," Chenle said.

Donghyuck swallowed, unable to answer anymore. They sat quietly, looking at the calm sea while the waiter served food. They eat in silence. Nothing happened even half an hour after that. When Donghyuck was ready to go to the receptionist to ask the purpose of all of this, Renjun pointed at something in the middle of the sea.

A small boat floats not far from the coast. They could see a man in black standing with his back to them while someone who appeared to be a fisherman sat not far from him. The man did nothing for some time before finally spreading something into the sea that appeared to be ashes.

"Oh, no. He got another," Mark murmured as the man seemed to receive another container from the fishermen and began to scatter the ashes again. Even though they did not know the man, they could not help but observe all his actions.

Suddenly, Jeno stood up and hurried closer to the edge of the restaurant that bordering the sea. "NA JAEMIN!!!"

Jisung and Mark muttered, "what the fuck." Before the chairs were moved and everyone took their place next to Jeno and joined in the shouting as loud as possible.

The small boat finally leaned on the bridge on the other side of the mainland. They ran out of the restaurant without caring about the stares of other diners and restaurant staff. Jeno was at the front, running as hard as he could to the bridge where Jaemin got off the boat.

But when they arrived at the place, Jaemin had disappeared without a trace. They approached the boat that was still moored on the bridge and asked the owner.

"Oh, the young man from earlier? He scattered the ashes of his parents. He is from Seoul but his parents are from Busan. This is where his late mother wants to live and he feels guilty for not being able to do it with his siblings." The boat owner then left.

"M-mum?" the bones in Jisung's body seemed to disappear, so Renjun and Chenle caught him.

"No. It can't be! That's not Na Jaemin!" Donghyuck raved, Mark tried to calm him down.

The atmosphere became chaotic and they had no choice but to return to the hotel.

It took all night to calm down before they came back the next day. Nobody talks. Jisung and Chenle are still crying in the backseat. Donghyuck wearing a mask to cover his swollen face, Renjun looked out the window with a blank stare. Mark drove, trying to calm down even though Jeno knew his hand shook a little. While Jeno cried silently.
Other holes fill their hearts, ravaging them more than ever.

-

"I got it, hyung."

Jeno was between two important operations when Chenle broke into his room. Chenle was still wearing his formal suit, obviously still in his office a while ago.

"What do you mean, Chenle?" Jeno observed the patient's data without raising his face. It is common for his friends to suddenly visit his workplace as he often visits his friends' workplaces.

"I helped my nephew to post some teacher-related things on Teacher’s Day. I clicked the hashtag on instagram and stumbling across an account that posted this picture." Chenle stuffed his cellphone into Jeno's hand. Jeno groaned, feeling Chenle was annoying as his eyes stumbled at the figure on Chenle's cellphone screen.

"I-is this...?"

"Yes, that's Nana. The post has been deleted but apparently, he is a teacher in a kindergarten. 2 hours from here."

They can't just leave. After the operation, Jeno rushed to get his leave, making him get a long scolding from the head doctor who finally allowed it because Jeno had never taken a day off. He drove to the address given by Chenle with Chenle and Jisung on the next day. Donghyuck and Mark were in California for their honeymoon while Renjun who practices at a clinic cannot take time off.

Along the way, Jeno saw the photo he got from Chenle. Jaemin has blue hair, sitting in front of a child. Their hands looked twisted plasticine on a yellow table. They laugh happily against the background of a bright class. Jeno unconsciously smiled as he enlarged Jaemin's face and saw his smile. Still Na Jaemin's distinctive smile that made him unable to sleep years ago.

The smile that made him worry Jaemin would attract more admirers as well as a smile that convinced him that he was the only person in Jaemin's heart. At that time.

At that time.

By noon, they exited the main road and entered the countryside with extensive rice fields. Jisung directed the car to a small kindergarten that looked still crowded.

They went out and met the principal, a woman who reminded them of Mrs. Na because of his thin stature and gentle attitude.

"Oh, Na Jaemin’s friends?" she seemed happy to welcome them. "He's in the class right now. Come on." She invited the three to enter and go through the hallway containing shoe racks and lockers. Although small, the kindergarten looked clean and warm with bright wall paint. All children are studying in their respective classes. Closer to the end of the hallway, they could hear the sounds of piano tunes and children's singing.

"Ah, they're singing," the Headmistress muttered, smiling. She was ready to knock on the door when Jeno held him.

"We can wait until they're done."

The headmistress nodded and they leaned close to the window.

The children gather in a corner of the room, around the piano and a man who plays it. The man swung his upper body slightly, making the children's gaze even more locked to him and singing more excitedly.

As soon as the song finished and the piano stopped clanking, everyone cheered happily. The man hugged the children one by one. That's when the Headmistress knocked on the door and entered. “Good afternoon! What are you guys doing?" her voice cheerfully greeted the children in the class.

"We're just finished our third songs this week!" a child answered, enthusiastically.

"Oh wow! That's great! Can you tell me about it while Jaemin-hyung go for a second?"

Children protest when they hear that their beloved teacher will be gone for a while.

"Why?" one of them asked sullenly.

"His friends are looking for him." The Headmistress teased toward three guests who were standing awkwardly at the door.

Jaemin was stunned in his chair.

-

They ended up in the principal's room. Sit across awkwardly while the Headmistress takes over Jaemin's class.

Jaemin did not know what to say and the three men who stared at him did not help. He cleared his throat before opening his mouth.

"No, hyung. No ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’, please.” Chenle shook his head.

Jaemin laughed awkwardly. "Sorry."

"Not ‘sorry’ too," Jeno said quickly.

"Then what–" Jaemin just about to protest when Jisung jumped over the table, hugging him tightly.

"Nana... I missed you."

Jaemin smiled and hugged Jisung back. He closed his eyes, felt another familiar hug that felt like home. "I missed you too, Ji." He felt his shoulders wet with Jisung's tears and he stroked Jisung's back.

"Don't be sad, my baby," Jaemin stroked Jisung's hair, trying to calm him down.

"We're not sad. Mad. Hella mad. Donghyuck-hyung will kill you later IF you survived us. You got a lot of explaining to do." Chenle grumbled before standing up and coming to embrace Jaemin.

"I know. Lets go to my house."

Jaemin said good-bye to the Headmistress, who gladly took over the class for the remaining time. He also said goodbye to his students who reluctantly let go.

"You are a kindergarten teacher," Jisung murmured as the four stepped outside.

"Uhm, no, actually. I am just a chef here until one of their teachers gave birth. So I take care of her class until she comes back. I didn't have any degree in children's education so I just gave them sweets all the time. That's why I'm their favorite." They laughed for a moment, more relaxed.

The trip to Jaemin's house was calm. Jeno takes over the wheel, Jaemin is next to him while Jisung and Chenle are behind. They opened the window while Jaemin pointed to what he knew. Not long after, they entered a small road and Jaemin asked Jeno to stop in front of a house surrounded by gardens.

They descended and entered the gate of Jaemin's house.

"Welcome." Jaemin entered first.

The house was exactly what Jeno imagined about the rural house that Mr. and Mrs. Na wanted. Its a traditional Korean house with sliding doors and the house is surrounded by a courtyard bordering a white wall fence. They can see kimchi and sauces planted in front of the house, and various types of plants grow lushly. There is a tree in another corner of the yard, making the house cool even though it is daytime.

"Come on in!" Jaemin reappeared from inside of his house, serving the tea on the table. Jeno, Jisung, and Chenle entered.

"This is my house. Dad and mum bought it a few years ago, when Ji and Lele got in college. Not plenty of rooms since they want this all by themselves. Mum said that we're gonna be sleeping together in this room if you guys visit.”

For a moment, they smiled at each other.

The frame contains photographs of Mr. Na, Mrs. Na, and all seven of them are scattered throughout the house. There is a photo of Jisung after his first dance concert, Chenle who laughed while teaching Mr. Na how to use Apple Watch, Donghyuck who was bare-chested in the kitchen, Mark who hugged a watermelon, Renjun who showed off his medal from one of the school olympiade, Jeno who exercised next to the house, until Jaemin who cried when the whole house made a prank on his birthday.

In the kitchen, lined up with their photographs each with Mr. and Mrs. Na, then a photo of all of them at Jisung and Chenle's graduation. They laugh happily in the living room of their home; Mr. Na and Mrs. Na holding hands on the sofa. Jaemin beside Mr. Na, Jeno is next to Mrs. Na. Chenle in front of Mrs. Na and Jisung in front of Mr. Na. Renjun lies in a sideways pose in front of them, Mark in front of Jaemin and Donghyuck in front of Jeno.

Jeno suddenly knew, people who visit would immediately think of them as a big family, because there were no photos of Na's family life before the arrival of Jeno, Mark, Donghyuck, Renjun, Chenle, and Jisung. There is only one picture of Jaemin's baby on Mr. Na and Mrs. Na lap.

In the living room, on the best wall of the house, lined up in sequential photos of them in black and white: Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung. That photo was taken after Chenle and Jisung entered college. Mr. Na forced them all to wear plain white shirts, then together they went to the studio and took their respective portraits.

Jisung remembers whining at that time because it was so embarrassing, dressed in white like twins and taking the bus to the other end of town.

"Yah you brat! Just be thaaaankful because I cherish every single one of you! I want to keep you in my memory before I disown you!" Mr. voice Na crossed Jisung's head again and he laughed softly.

"What is it, Ji?" asked Jaemin who sat at the table, letting his three friends circle the house.

"No, hyung. Just missed it. Missed you."

Jaemin smiled. A few moments later, they all sat around the table.

"I don't know where to start... I guess mum already explained it on the letter. But yeah, to keep in track. After dad passed away, mum was crying every night and I couldn't do anything because I felt like dying too. She didn't want to cook unless you guys visited us and that is a serious thing. You know how mum loved to cook. So I talked to her after awhile. I said I wanted to bring her on vacation. She refused it, of course. Whats the point of having a vacation when she doesn't have a husband. We were living in hell, that time. Mum just kept going because of all of you. But at some point, she was broken so bad she was asked to leave. She knew if she... keep pestering all of you to go home, she will lose you. She hated it so much. She just wanted you guys to have a normal life, without her being your burden because everyday, she just looking forward to meeting you. You're... we're the reason of her life. Of course I said that we loved her and she has never been a burden for any of us but she didn't listen. She asked my permission to go here. Living her only dream without dad. And I can't... I can't let her of course. I've lost dad, I don't want to loose her. I resigned to keep her company but I know she wasn't happy when there was just two of us. She wasn't satisfied either when you guys just came by for an hour or two. She wants all of her children by herself. She buried it deep down and all I can do is granted her wish. So we contacted our lawyer, put our house on sale, and then left.

"We were happy at first. Its like letting go all of your pain and sadness. Not forgetting, though. You saw it by yourself, mum hung your pictures around and I found her staring sometimes. She cooked your favorite when she missed you and she thanked me because she couldn't imagine being here by herself. She's been with my dad since she was a little kid. Then I came in, then Jeno, Mark, Hyuck, Renjun, Jisung, and Chenle. She's never been alone since forever. She distracted herself by gardening and socializing with our neighbors. Then sixth months ago, she..." Jaemin held back his tears and swallowed hard, as if convincing himself that he could tell this story. Jeno spontaneously took his hand and Jaemin could feel the warmth that make him stronger.

"She fell. I brought her to the clinic but it was too late. The next thing I know, she's gone," Jaemin's voice trembled, but he looked determined. "Like dad. Heart attack. And she was smiling." Jaemin's tears flowed and Jeno hugged him. Jisung and Chenle sobbed and looked down. "So peaceful. And I feel bad. So bad. I can't even function that time. We have nobody here so I took care of everything and I remembered that she wanted to rest in Busan with dad. So I brought her and dad there. Sent you a letter because I know she missed you badly and wanted to see all of you. But I can't see you guys, yet. I know I am selfish but I feel like I am drowning and I will lose all of my hope to live if I ever see you. Because that's like my only reason to live; because I believed someday we will meet. Someday... when I'm fine. Guess I am a coward."

"No, Nana, No." Jeno hugged him tighter and Jaemin could not help but hug Jeno in the waist. This is home, he thought while crying on Jeno's chest. The house he wanted for so long without him having the power to reach it. He could not ignore the fact that his actions also hurt his friends.

"I'm sorry... ‘M sorry ... so sorry..."

For a few moments, there was nothing but their sobs.

"You did the right thing." Jeno buried his face in Jaemin's hair, letting Jaemin's scent fill his lungs and face their sadness together because he knew he couldn't make Jaemin whole again.

-

"What are you doing?" Jeno asked, seeing Jaemin sitting at the dining table by himself. Its 1 am, but Jeno could not sleep. There was no way he could sleep after Jaemin's story. Chenle and Jisung who were exhausted had been sleeping since earlier.

"Nothing," Jaemin smiled weakly at the sight.

Jeno sat in front of Jaemin.

"Want some tea?" Jaemin offered his glass.

"Sure." Jeno grabbed the glass and drank it. The tea was cold, meaning Jaemin had been sitting there for a long time.

"I can make another if you want."

"No. It's okay, Nana."

Nobody spoke for a while. This was the first time they talked together after their conversation in front of the funeral house when Mr. Na died.

Jaemin swallowed hard, trying to get rid of what had blocked him before giving up, "I see you've settled down." He pointed to the ring on the ring finger of Jeno's left hand.

"Ah? This?" Jeno raised his hand to show the plain silvery ring better. "Donghyuck gave it to me. He said it's effective to keep me away from bugs. You know I hate bugs. What do you mean 'settled down'?"

Jaemin was stunned for a moment before laughing softly. Jeno hasn't changed.

"So you don't have a fiance?" he clarified the question.

"Huh? What? F-fiance?"

Jaemin shook his head. "Its okay, hyung. You are cute as always."

Jeno scratched his hair for a moment before calming his heart which was beating uncontrollably when Jaemin asked if he had a fiance. How could I? He looked at Jaemin's face that looked calm staring out the window.

"How are you feeling?" Jeno asked quietly.

"Fine now. Thank you for coming here. I really appreciate it."

"Are you happy?"

Jaemin was a little surprised by this unexpected question. "I am now." He smiled. "I work at a very nice place. The air is nice here and I take care of mum's garden."

"It's okay to feel not okay," Jeno put his hand on Jaemin's hand, which was lying on the table. Jaemin didn't answer for a moment, but his smile disappeared. "Nana," Jeno called hoarsely. He felt tears would spill at any time. Shit, I need to get this one straight. Just this one. "Lets go back. Lets meet Mark, Donghyuck, and Renjun. You know, Hyuck and Mark were married a few weeks ago. They wanted to meet you."

Jaemin looked at Jeno with an unreadable expression, but Jeno was grateful Jaemin did not pull his hand. He looked down for a moment, seemed to weigh something before answering, "o-of course I'll be back."

"No, lets come with us today. Please, Nana? Can you do that? Today. Dada and Papa... they're missing you so much. So so much. They loves you too."

Without breaking his eyes with Jeno, Jaemin's tears dripped. He smiled weakly. "Should I?" With the yellow light from the wall lights, Jeno could see how crushed Jaemin was even though he looked fine. He was still as beautiful as before, but Jeno knew something was wrong and he had never misunderstood Jaemin. He looks so tired. So often see death for someone as young as himself.

"Yes, you should." Jeno nodded, not caring that he was crying now too. He remembered his conversation a few hours ago with Mark after he showered.

He ran out and called Mark with trembling hands.

"Mark. He... he..." Jeno was unable to speak.

"Calm, Jeno. Relax. Take a deep breath and tell me. Did you meet Jaemin?" Mark's voice was soothing.

"Yeah. And he... he explained everything but Mark... I found a very dangerous dosage of sleeping pills in his bathroom. And I... And I found... a letter about his planned mortgage... fuck, Hyung. Markie what should I do... Hyung ..." Jeno grabbed his hair hard to hold back his tears while his heart felt tightly squeezed.

"O-okay... Jeno. You need calm down, okay? I know its hard but you have to think carefully. Can you can you bring Jaemin back? We-we need to meet him. He'll meet Hyuck and Injun. They loves him. Bring him. It might not be what you think it is, but we want him to be safe. He will be safe around us. Bring him back, Jeno." Even though it sounded calm, Jeno knew Mark was also covered in panic.

"I will." Jeno hung up and cried while facing the sky. Mum, Dad, please let me save him. I know you want me to Save him. Please.

Jeno didn't care if he had to beg, so that was what he did when Jaemin still didn't answer. He rose from his chair without letting go of Jaemin's hand, and knelt beside Jaemin.

"Please, Nana. Come back with us today. Take a vacation with us. We can go anywhere you want. Just... go with me, please? Say yes, Nana. You have to say yes... or I-or I'll stay. Yes. I'll stay if you reject me. I can stay and take care of mum's garden too."

"No, Jeno. You have your works in the city." Jaemin held Jeno's hands.

Jeno wanted to say that he would ignore the whole world for Jaemin because he knew Jaemin was doing it for the people he loved. He loves Jaemin. He loves Jaemin, his heart was broken when he saw how Jaemin planned all his funerals from now on, not to bother anyone as much as possible. Jaemin must feel so lonely and alone.

"So you need to come with me. Please, Nana. Please please please, Na Jaemin. Don't shut me out, please... ” Jeno's breath was getting more irregular.

"Hey, Jen. Okay. Calm down. What is wrong?" Jaemin grabbed Jeno on the cheek, staring at him confusedly.

Jeno shook his head, kissed Jaemin's palm and hugged Jaemin's waist until their bodies got closer. "Missed you. Don't want to loose you. Again. I just want to stay next to you for now. Can I?" his eyes glittered at Jaemin. I want to make you happy, Jaemin. You don't have to be alone.

"Alright." When Jaemin smiled, Jeno could feel relief filling his lung cavity.

"Thank you. Thank you." He mumbled, hugged Jaemin and thrust his head against Jaemin's chest. Thank you, Mum, Dad.

-

Jisung and Chenle were more than happy when they realized Jaemin was coming with them. Nobody dared to ask questions about how long Jaemin was going to be with them as if Jeno, Jisung, and Chenle knew they had to keep Jaemin as long as possible near them. Jaemin asked his neighbor to visit his house from time to time, then asked the Headmistress's permission to take time off. The headmistress happily allowed him and Jaemin was sitting in the back seat with Jeno, looking happy to see Jisung was able to drive.

"My baby grows up so well," he praised Jisung.

"Hyung! I'm a grown up man!" Jisung pretended to be sulky with Jaemin's compliments.

Jaemin laughed and Jeno was happy to see it.

They dropped Jeno and Jaemin in Jeno's apartment. Chenle and Jisung promised to meet them tomorrow. Upon entering Jeno's apartment, Jaemin was greeted by Papa and Dada. Both of them took turns holding him while sobbing.

"I heard about your mum..." Dada sobbed.

"I'm sorry I didn't be there for you..." Papa cried.

Jaemin spent several hours talking to them and telling them about his life after moving out from the city. Papa and Dada said how happy they were to meet Jaemin again and threatened him not to disappear again or they would track him down with the help of the FBI. They had dinner together before Jeno took Jaemin to his room.

"Thank you, hyung." Jaemin smiled before Jeno closed the door. Oh, how Jeno missed that call from Jaemin.

"Anytime, Nana." Anything for you. "Good night."

"Good night, hyung."

-

Jeno was serious when he said he didn't want to let Jaemin go. He made sure to welcome Jaemin the first time Jaemin left the room in the morning and took him to bed every night. Jeno wants to watch Jaemin longer, whatever it takes. He wants to fulfill all the good night greetings that were never delivered.

Jaemin's days were filled with his meetings with Chenle, Jisung, Donghyuck, Mark, Renjun, Johnny, to Papa and Dada. Jeno accompanied him every day. They go to the movies almost every day, watch any movie and talk about anything. Jeno's days were instantly filled with Jaemin, and vice versa. He even openly asked Donghyuck and Renjun not to take Jaemin away when he had a plan to invite Jaemin.

"Not fair! He is my bestfriend!" Donghyuck protested Jeno.

"Shut up, Hyuck. You're married already. Just focus on your Markie and stop disturbing my Nana."

"Your Nana?" Donghyuck grimacing at Jeno's word. "I just remember I didn't beat your ass for breaking his heart years ago, you jerk."

Donghyuck sounds like Mr. Na now and Jeno can only laugh even though Donghyuck's threat sounds scary.

Even so, Jeno could not ignore his responsibilities. He has to start working tomorrow and he feels sad that his days with Jaemin must end. Jaemin did not discuss anything about wanting to go back and Jeno wanted to keep it that way. He could not imagine Jaemin going and living alone in the house, with bad thoughts that always loomed over him.

At least here Jaemin is close to his friends. Chenle, Jisung, and Donghyuck happily kept Jaemin busy when Jeno had to work. Jaemin is not alone.

"Look who is happy," Dada greeted Jeno who came home from work in a hurry.

"Oh oh. Is this Nana effect?" said Papa, smiling. Both of them also often accompanied Jaemin when Jisung, Chenle, and Donghyuck could not come.

"You look happy, Jen. Good on you." Dada nodded, handed a cup of coffee to Papa who received it gratefully before kissing Dada's cheek. Jeno looked at the fragment enviously. He wants to have the same thing with Jaemin.

"You are here, Jen?" Jaemin entered the room. He was wearing Jeno's gray sweater and black sweatpants which also belonged to Jeno. His hand holds a cereal bowl.

"Yeah, Nana. Wanna go somewhere tonight?" Jeno asked eagerly.

"No, hyung. Lele and Hyuck made me walk for hours and hours in the mall today. I'll just rest."

Jeno's shoulders dropped slightly hearing that. He missed Jaemin and wanted to be with him longer today. Well, not just today, actually.

"But I want to watch some movies before. You want to join me?" Jaemin asked.

Jeno's eyes shone brightly again. "Sure! You can use my laptop. I'll take shower first. Just a minute." Jeno hurriedly going into his room.

"Ow, he's excited," Papa whistled.

"I'll make you guys some snacks, then," Dada said.

A few moments later, Jeno who was refreshed after taking a bath sat side by side with Jaemin on the bed with the laptop turned on the small table on their laps. Jaemin holds a bowl of popcorn. They watched the action movie Jaemin chose based on good reviews.

Although the film was quite exciting and thrilling, Jeno's eyes were fixed on the beautiful person beside him. Jaemin seemed to be fully concentrated, his hand popping popcorn into his mouth involuntarily while his eyes barely blinked. Jaemin always looked so cute, ever since they were little. Jeno always wanted to touch Jaemin's cheek and pinch him furiously. Now, with arms and legs touching, he again finds himself in love with Na Jaemin.

"I want to hug you, Nana. Can I hug you?" Jeno whispered, didn't even care that the film was in a tense moment.

The concentration Jaemin had been trying to maintain immediately broke up. He stuttered before nodding with a blushing face. Luckily Jeno didn't see his face clearly.
Jeno put his arm around Jaemin's back, making Jaemin curl up to Jeno's body and lay his head on Jeno's chest. Upon feeling the warmth of Jaemin's body coursing through his body, Jeno heaved a sigh of relief. There was nothing he wanted more than a hug Jaemin after a long day.

For a few moments, the film was forgotten. Jeno welcomed the scent of Jaemin's body, which he liked, not caring even though Jaemin was wearing his clothes. While Jaemin let his body meet what he wanted so far. He could not let go of this, let alone forget it. He wants to deserve this.

After the film was finished, Jeno lowered his desk and laptop, moved the bowl on Jaemin's lap, then returned to lay beside Jaemin, where Jaemin welcomed him with the same warmth. Jeno pulled the blanket up to his waist and kissed the top of Jaemin's head.

I love you. He wanted to say this, but he knew Jaemin already knew.

-

Unlike usual, Jaemin's phone could not be contacted when Jeno finished his works earlier that afternoon. He also called Donghyuck and according to Donghyuck, Jaemin said he wanted to rest today. Jeno also contacted Dada who was supposed to be at home.

"Oh, he isn't here, son. He goes for a walk. He said he wanted to go to your childhood park."

Jeno took off his jacket and grabbed his bag before leaving. Their childhood park is ten minutes from their home. He got out of the cab and found that besides children and few paretns, there was no Jaemin in the park. He also tried to follow Jaemin's steps. Shortly, he arrived in front of the house. He saw the door open a little and he entered.

Jaemin's shoes lay on the shelf. Jeno heaved a sigh of relief and closed the door. He saw Jaemin standing in the dining room. His hands touched the surface of the dining table and Jeno knew he was returning their old memories, eating with family members, feel complete and warm. Jeno knew because he missed that too.

"Nana..."

Jaemin raised a face that had been covered with tears. He tried to laugh, but only bitterness came out of his throat. "Sorry, Jen." He squatted and sobbed on his knees.

As the day progressed in the afternoon, Jeno and Jaemin found them sitting on Jaemin's old bed. Jeno leaned against the wall while Jaemin was on his lap, with his back pressed against Jeno's chest. They stared out the window, where the sky slowly began to illuminate yellow and orange light.

Jaemin's tears were dry, but Jeno's fingers were still stroking his cheeks slowly. He spilled everything on Jeno. All of it. Especially his feelings after their mother died, how he had sleeping disorder and always cried because he missed everyone. He believed that he would never be happy again once his hands could not press Jeno's phone number. Jeno heard it silently, wanting to say that he wasn't different.

Since Jaemin left his life, he cannot return to their home as before, no matter how much everyone always cheers him on. Jeno dissolved himself in his work and ambitions, hoping that Jaemin would meet him. Even if it's only for one day. He was very sad after returning from Busan, luckily Papa and Dada were beside him. They assured him that his Nana would return. Jeno just needs to wait.

Jaemin can't believe he will return to his house. Sitting on his bed like he used to do when he was still dating Jeno. Jaemin smiled when he realized he had been there. Become his brother's lover. When he gave up all his efforts to feel his first love, Jeno expressed his feelings. Jaemin is not ignorant of this and actually Jeno doesn't need to reveal anything.

They practically dated since childhood, considering their relationship which tends to be exclusive even though they are friends with five other people. Their parents forced Jaemin to call Jeno-hyung just because Jeno had a lover, as if to fence Jaemin's heart for not expecting too much.

It's still there. Jaemin touched his chest which was beating fast. Even though he has known Jeno all his life. Even after Jeno hugged and kissed him hundreds of times. His touch still burned.

"Nana, what do you think about..." Jeno's voice slowly rang, "...getting married? With me?"

"That's great, Jen," Jaemin answered, not wanting to make Jeno wait too long. "I love marriage. Its like a dream come true. "He knew how serious Jeno's question was, but he could not help but sink into the happiness he had dreamed of since he was a child. Even though it's only a blitz of shadow.

"Lets get married, Nana. You know it's always been you for me. I love you. I love you so much."

Jaemin straightened up and looked at Jeno, suddenly aware of what Jeno was doing. "What?! J-Jeno what?!"

"I'm asking you to marry me, Na Jaemin."

"What? For real? B-but... b-but hyung, w-we just... we just meet again after... after..." Jeno's eyes silenced Jaemin. Jaemin realized Jeno was still looking at him like before. Full of love and patience. Jaemin doesn't need to do anything for this because Jeno is his and he is Jeno's. It is always like that. He felt so small and shaken under Jeno's gaze, but he knew Jeno understood.

Jeno pulled Jaemin's waist, making Jaemin sit on his lap. He stroked Jaemin's cheeks so they could look at each other.

They have been through a lot. So many broken promises, even when they are still together. But Jeno knew, Mr. and Mrs. Na raised Jaemin-raised them-not to witness Jaemin being destroyed in his youth, even intending to end his life. Jaemin never complained or protested the attitude of his parents who loved them all the same, even though he is their biological son. But Jeno knows, sometimes Jaemin also wants to have his parents for himself, because he almost never feels to be an only child. He let his mother and father go to watch the Jisung show when he lay sick. He let his mother come to the Renjun's speech contest on his birthday. Jaemin who loves them all as big as Mr. Na and Mrs. Na loves them.

Dada told him this before, but now Jeno realized that Dada was right: Jaemin is beautiful here, Jeno touches Jaemin's cheek, and here, then points at Jaemin's chest. Jaemin deserves all the love on earth. Not because he had seen too much death and pain at a young age, but because he is Na Jaemin.

"You are so pretty..."

Jaemin held back on Jeno's cheek before approaching and kissing Jeno on the lips. For now, and forever.

Jeno could not believe what was happening. He could only freeze when he saw Jaemin close his eyes and his lips pushed Jeno lips slowly. But when he felt Jaemin's warm breath on his face, he closed his eyes and kissed Jaemin wholeheartedly. Like before, Jaemin's lips were a little dry, but Jeno won't forget the sweet taste like Jaemin. He tilted his head, hugging Jaemin's waist tighter while Jaemin put his arm around Jeno's neck.

They kissed, lips to lips, teeth to teeth, tongue to tongue. Until it gets dark and the light in the room only comes from the moonlight outside.

"Is it a yes?" Jeno whispered as Jaemin's hand held his chest to continue their kiss.

Jaemin nodded before clasping their hands together. "Replace the bug repellent, please." He touched the ring on Jeno's ring finger while smiling broadly.

"Nana, I'm sorry. I really didn't know that it was supposed to be an engagement ring! Hyuck really told me that!" Jeno remembered that he asked his colleague about the meaning of the ring on the left hand ring finger.

Jaemin laughed. "It's okay. I should have thanked Hyuck. If it's not because of him, somebody really gonna snatch you away."

"No way," Jeno pouted. He kissed the tip of Jaemin's nose. "Only you."

"I know. I love you too, hyung. Jen. My Jen." Jaemin kissed Jeno's nose.

"Nana. My Nana." He was so happy that only small laughter came out of his mouth. He hugged Jaemin and kissed the base of Jaemin's neck.

"I want to give you the most beautiful wedding." He remembered little Nana and his love for marriage. Nana cried when he realized her parents were already married so he couldn't become a flower boy like he did at Jeno's fathers's wedding. He, who was still wearing a white coat after the group photo was finished, sat stretched out on the floor with fat fingers covering his face. His back bent, as if he was going to kiss his knee. Everyone laughed and fell in love with him. While Jeno for the first time felt his feelings split; between wanting to ask Papa and Dada to make Nana stop crying or look at it longer because Jaemin is very adorable and makes funny feelings appear in his stomach.

Mr. Na said, "there is no way I'm gonna wait for my wife while she walks down the aisle just because this brat loves a wedding. Aigooo, who guessed our baby is really this stupid, honey." Jeno knows next year that Mr. Na had seriously intended to renew his marriage vows to see Jaemin who was so heartbroken. Nana was so happy when Jeno said he would marry him. Same as now.

"It will be because it is with you."

Yeah Fuck the world. I'm gonna marry the love of my life. The life of my soul. The end of my journey. Na Jaemin. The one and only. Na Jaemin.

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