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first - promise as assurance
His words were too much like exactly what I’ve wanted to hear from him
And his hands on mine set my whole skin on fire
But even better than that was his kiss
And the promise he brought with it
Soft lips speaking the softest of words
Right before putting connecting with mine.
My wildest of dreams unrevealing before my eyes,
To think I saw every bit before reality,
It made me think I had not yet woken up.
Yet my imagination had never managed to capture the warmth of his hand quite so well,
the way it touched my cheek with care;
Or how my heart would stop upon hearing him call me by my first name;
Or the absolute truth in the promise he made me,
Because he didn’t just say ‘I love you’,
He sealed it with locking his eyes with him,
Intertwining our fingers,
And whispering,
’I’ve never said anything that I believed more true,
And I refuse to let you doubt it.’
second - promise as an oath
One of our firsts,
He hadn’t wanted to tell me where we were going,
Something I had been waiting since the first of our firsts,
And he had wanted to surprise me,
It had to be like an adventure, he said,
Because I was a ‘treasure’.
When he looked at me then,
with a smile meant solemnly for me,
He spoke and said he’d fallen for me again,
Funny, considering he had always referred to me as the poet,
Yet he could fit his feelings into words better than I could.
And I must’ve shown something on my face,
Because he hugged me and said,
’I will make sure you won’t forget today
And that you’ll be glad you didn’t’
third - promise as a declaration
I had been used to him noticing the smallest of things in me,
And even so, before that night,
I hadn’t thought he could read me with such precise accuracy.
All I had done was let out a snicker,
A snicker in response to something he said, words which I cannot even remember.
I do remember the ugly feeling growing in my chest,
The green monster,
Oh, how did it made me angry.
A single snicker, and nothing else,
I resumed my activity as normal and treated him no differently, I thought.
Yet he saw it, the creature slashing my logic and trust to shreds,
And so he held my face in his hands to kiss my lips,
And then say,
’You will never have to worry about me falling for someone else,
Because you are the only one who has any control over my heart.’
fourth - promise as a compensation
Tutoring was just another way to spend time with him
And he listened to my very word with such intent
As if them, by themselves, had the power to latch onto his brain,
Able to clear all confusion he could ever have about anything,
And I know I hoped it would.
Once we were done,
He brought my close,
So close I was sure he could hear my heart racing.
He brought his lips to my forehead,
Planting serenity where there was unease in my mind that always overthinks,
And he said,
‘I will make you proud, you’ll see!
You’ll be able to brag about me and how good I was,
Only because I had a better teacher!’
five - promise as a future
One of our many firsts
was our first fight.
An explosion of insecurities bursting out like a volcano when it erupts
And the irrationality of fears that hold hostage the unaware.
We lashed out.
We forgot to talk.
And then we spent days doing the opposite.
Half of my heart went dark, muddled and shrill,
And the pain in my chest grew each time I saw you
when pride would still keep me from reaching out.
While unbearable for how long it lasted,
I found my way back to you,
As he did back to me.
And when we met again,
He buried his face in my shoulders,
Let himself cry stunted tears,
Telling me this,
‘I won’t ever let this happen again,
I love you too much to let myself sabotage us again’
six (+ one) - promise as assurance
It was rare to see him with a face that projected something other than happiness
But as graduation neared,
His lips drooped and a frown grew in the place of his brilliant smile,
And this time,
It would be my turn to reassure him;
To tend to his worried and insecurities and troubles and doubts;
To kiss his lips and tell him,
’No matter where you are,
You will keep on shining so bright that I’ll have no choice but to see you from miles away
And I will run with the speed of the best racers to get back to you
Because we are the protagonists of the world
And regardless of where you go,
I will soon follow,
And return to you all the promises you have made for my sake’