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Kouda took a deep breath.
How does one should start these type of conversations?
Hey, there’s something I want to talk about…
That seemed good enough.
Nevertheless, he still had time to think about his words, he still had to get there.
There, where he was waiting for him.
At least, he hoped that he was.
So, yeah, I wanted to talk to you.
Although… You already know that, no? You’re here.
Kouda walked down the street, stuffing one hand in the pocket of his jacket. A soft mist escaped his mouth with every breath he took.
I know I’m no good with words, but… Will you hear me out?
Even if I struggle?
His eyes seemed to follow the lines of the script he was writing in his head. He wanted to make sure he didn’t miss anything.
You’ve always been such a good friend, you know? Always there for me.
I didn’t always have someone like that. Most of my childhood, I was alone. Nobody wanted to be friends with me, the weird-looking kid. The others were mean, really mean about it.
They made me hate myself.
Or, well, I let them convince me that I wasn’t good enough.
Now I know that that isn’t true. But at the time, it was.
Even if it was pretty early, there was some people on the streets. Talking, laughing, eating… The city was full of life. But Kouda actually focused on the animals, the small creatures that also lived there; birds, mice, insects…
My phobia of bugs didn’t help at all. They would all pull mean pranks on me, showing me different bugs to scare me off. It always worked.
At least, when my quirk manifested, I wasn’t alone anymore. Animals were there to keep me company if I asked them so. It was nice.
I still craved other’s people attention.
He stopped at a red light, patiently waiting. Well, no, he was nervously alternating his weight from one leg to the other.
He wanted to be there as soon as possible.
When I first told the others I wanted to be a hero, I was mocked. I was strong, but only physically; mentally I was yet another weakling with expectations and dreams too high for me.
My mother always supported me. She always believed in me. I know you like her too. You were so nice to her when you met her for the first time. Even after she said all sort of embarrassing stuff about us. You just… laughed. Not at me. You laughed along with me.
You didn’t mock me.
The light turned green. Finally.
Kouda stepped forward but quickly backed off when a car sped up right before him, making his heart jump in his chest. That was close.
I remember when I got to U.A. The entrance exam were kinda difficult, but surprisingly enough, I passed them. The written test wasn’t that hard, I studied lots and lots for it. But I was really scared for the practical exam. My quirk isn’t as flashy as others’. It’s not like Bakugou’s or Todoroki’s, or even yours! But I managed.
I used birds to distract other examinees from the robots they were attacking, and I finished off those robots by myself. I used mice so they could nibble the robots’ cables. And I also helped a couple of examinees who were in trouble.
Not much. But I did what I could.
Being much more careful about his surroundings this time, Kouda crossed the street. Getting run over would be quite stupid. He really wanted to meet up with him, and nothing would stop him.
When I received my results… I have to admit, it felt as if my heart was about to break free from my chest. I stared at the envelope for a long, long, looong time before I had the courage to even think about opening.
But when I did...
I cried. Really, I cried. Don’t laugh, please, it’s very embarrassing. Although, you already know how easy I cry, so it’s really not a surprise to you, I guess.
A kid stared intently at him, and Kouda simply waved at him, not really knowing what to do. It happened more than he would admit, but even so, he never knew how to act when people just… stared.
Mom was so, so happy for me. She spoke about it to everyone who was willing to listen. Or not. She really didn’t care.
I love her though. Very much.
Anyway, so, the first day at U.A… I was nervous. A ball of anxiety, really. What classmates will I have? What teachers? What was going to be my seat? Will I be able to keep up with the rest of my class? Will I make friends? Will I-?
Sorry, I’ll stop. But I could keep on going, you know?
He let out a soft giggle. That was right, he could write a speech only of his insecurities. Or that could only be a dictionary. Maybe more.
Don’t get mad, but I was relieved when I saw you. I didn’t know you, but… I felt drawn to you. I… I’ll let you figure out why, but yeah.
...that’s actually pretty awful, forget I said anything about that, please.
A-Anyway, I stuck with you, ‘cause I didn’t know what else to do. I expected you to push me away, but…
You… You didn’t.
You smiled at me, your eyes shining with interest, and you greeted me.
“Oho? And what would your name be, mortal?”
I was so caught off guard that I simply stared at you.
“I do not think that “silence” is a name, so would you be so kind as to tell me how should I refer to you?”
I was unable to speak. But you didn’t get mad. You simply let out a laughter.
“Very well then, I will have to wait for attendance to know your name, you strange being.”
And I laughed too.
That was so embarrassing. Kouda was so used to… Well, not talking, because no one talked to him, so when it happened… He couldn’t do a single thing.
I remember that, when I raised my arm in class when the teacher called out my name, you almost immediately reached out a hand to me.
“Pleasure to meet you, Kouda Kouji.”
And I shook your hand in return. Probably blushing.
Most certainly blushing.
It was terrible how quick Kouda blushed. When happy, when flustered… It didn’t matter, a soft blush would almost always make its way to Kouda’s peachy cheeks.
I always followed you around. I’m sorry if it bothered you, but being as socially awkward as I am, it was all I could do. But you didn’t seem to mind.
Instead, you spoke to me.
That’s why I always brought little snacks for you. I was so grateful to you, that I wanted to give you those things. Silly things, but you always smiled and accepted them bowing your head.
...was he lost?
Kouda looked around, suddenly confused. He was so focused on his inner speech that he might’ve have taken the wrong street.
Oh well.
He took out his phone to check out the direction.
I remember the U.S.J. Incident. God, I was so scared when I got separated from the group. I was suddenly in a strange city where it was raining… I was alone. Or so I thought.
You suddenly appeared, and when you saw me, you directly ran up to me.
You asked me if I was okay.
You asked about the villains.
And you confided in me.
You told me the secret of your quirk, something you hadn’t told anybody. I felt so honoured… Even if I couldn’t tell you with words, I was.
And, when the villains attacked, thanks to what we had spoken about, we were able to come up with a plan.
I was going to be the bait. And you were going to be the hunter.
It worked.
At first, I was scared. I have to admit it, I doubted that it would work. But, when I found myself in a dead end street, face to face with the villains… Dark Shadow crushed them.
And you greeted me with a smile.
He always had problems with the maps application. It was the worst. His GPS always seemed to be confused about everything. Like himself.
It was pretty annoying.
And we did it.
When the Pro Heroes came to rescue us, there really wasn’t much left of the villains that attacked us two.
You were great.
Finally, the app opened.
With a grunt, Kouda scrolled around the map to try and find an answer to his question.
He had to be somewhere, he couldn’t waste his time like that.
I remember the sport’s festival.
You were so strong, so intelligent… You really were.
The way you moved along with Dark Shadow, especially during the battles… You had me paralyzed on my seat, hypnotized, unable to look away from you.
It was… It was great.
...Alright, he now knew where he was. He took a turn to the left, which would lead him back to the main street. It wasn’t so difficult.
He felt kinda stupid.
I remember how you helped me study for the written part of our final exams. I was struggling with one class or two, but you were always there to lend me a helping hand.
I also remember when, after my practical exam, how you ran up to me to congratulate me. I felt so embarrassed but…
So happy.
I was happy, truly happy.
Only because you were proud of me.
He almost bumped into a woman, and he quickly signed an apology before walking away, trying to avoid any confrontation.
He didn’t want to waste time.
I don’t think I need to recall the Summer Training Camp.
Yeah, no.
That was… Maybe too much for all of us, right?
Let’s talk about our Provisional Hero Licence Exam instead, okay?
His phone buzzed in his pocket, making him jump, and making the people surrounding him laugh softly.
It was a message.
From Shouji.
Kouda didn’t read it.
He knew what it was about, but he didn’t want to think about it at the moment.
He would answer later.
Those exams were pure chaos.
Just like in the U.S.J. incident, I was quickly separated from our class.
And I hate to admit it, but at first, I simply hid from everyone else.
I was too scared, too overwhelmed.
But then, I thought about you.
I thought about what would you do in that situation.
Heck, what were you doing in that situation, you were in the exact same situation as me!
You were probably fighting.
So, I fought.
Sunlight slid through the clouds that crowded the sky.
It had rained last night, but that morning it wouldn’t. Maybe during the afternoon, but not now.
Kouda had made sure to check the weather before anything else.
And, as I fought, I met you once more.
You were fighting.
And when you saw me, you smiled.
It made me feel happy.
...Kouda felt as if he was repeating himself a lot. But, really, what could he do about it?
That’s how things were.
We teamed up against the others, and when we started to lose, we saw Aoyama’s laser.
And, with one single look we shared, we knew what we had to do.
You used the shadow my birds made to “charge” Dark Shadow’s “batteries”.
And you were quite thankful about it.
You even invited me to eat at your favorite restaurant.
I tried to pay for my food, but you wouldn’t allow it.
I had such a good time.
There, at the end of the street, Kouda could see the big, wide, metal gate that was his goal.
He felt a shiver running down his spine.
At the School Festival, you cannot imagine how much I enjoyed watching you practice.
Yes, I had to help prepare the effects with my little team, but that didn’t stop me from admiring you.
...that sounded weird, I’m sorry.
But, uhm, once the concert was taking place, and that I was watching you from above, as I took care of the effects…
I think that was the moment I realized what I was feeling.
Kouda stopped for a moment.
His legs were starting to feel weak.
He had to stop.
…w-well, nevermind that. I, uhm…
D-Do you remember the school break?
We spent a lot of time together.
You invited me to your house, I invited you to mine.
It was so nice to be spending so much time with you.
It really was.
You always were so nice to me.
You became the person I admired the most in this world. Even more than the Pro Heroes.
I swear it’s true!
Everything about you… Wonderful. Your feathers, your eyes, your hands, your words, the way you spoke, the way you acted…
What was it not to love?
And, the next year, when we got to be class 2-A…
Kouda rubbed his temples.
Come on.
He could do it.
He had waited so long to do it.
He couldn’t… Give up just now.
It was great.
We were bigger now.
We didn’t know better, but hey, it was us.
All of us.
He started walking once more.
He was now in front of the opened gate.
The metal fence, made of intricate shapes, was truly beautiful.
But, as he entered, Kouda focused on the trees that surrounded him.
The year started… good.
Same teachers. Same classrooms. Same classmates.
Same you.
…
Do you…
Do you still remember what happened?
Kouda looked around.
Where was he…?
Y-You know, that day.
We spoke about going to a café. Our café. The one we always went to.
And then, you know…
Kouda finally found him.
He walked towards him.
He clenched his right fist, feeling the bouquet crunching between his fingers.
...it doesn’t matter.
It’s just that, well, I had planned to tell you.
To tell you my feelings.
But I was unable to do it then.
So, y-yeah, I’m doing it now.
Kouda tried to smile.
And he did it.
Even if he was shaking from head to toe.
Better late than never, a-am I right?
He bowed his head.
So, uhm, Tokoyami…
He gently put the flowers in front of him as he kneeled.
I just wanted to say that I love you.
Kouda stared at the grave in front of him, feeling his vision blurring.
He had promised himself that he wouldn’t cry.
But it was impossible.
The alarm, the screams, the explosion…
All of it started to repeat in his mind.
What happened that day…
Kouda shook his head.
And, after letting out a shaky breath…
“...h-hey, Tokoyami, there’s something I want to talk about…”