Chapter Text
Kageyama always hated-- sorry, disliked church dances.
As an orphan, he’s lucky that the church adopted him and gave him a home, food, and water. He’s grateful, of course, but he doesn’t exactly enjoy partying with others, with Capri suns, kool-aid, and hot dogs as refreshments, while Christian pop blares from speakers.
His church likes to host dances (sin-free, of course) from time to time. They’re always loud and annoying to deal with, but Kageyama has to deal with them anyway. He can’t just go anywhere else, and it wasn’t exactly comfortable staying in the bathrooms for two hours straight either.
Besides, it would paint him in a bad light if he were to ditch a church dance. He’s always been a good boy, a role-model, and he can’t afford to disappoint his caretakers/authorities by ditching some party.
So that’s how Kageyama found himself just chilling in the corner, not disturbing anyone, and quietly judging the poor music taste by the DJ.
Suddenly, orange fluff appeared before his vision and then disappeared. Kageyama blinked and looked down, and saw his orange-haired energetic………. friend looking at him with a big smile on his excited face.
The long pause is there because Kageyama has no idea if they’re friends or not- Hinata went up to him one day and basically is now attached to him. Kageyama is still unsure whether or not he likes the attention.
“What do you want?” Kageyama asked politely, making sure his face didn't look mean. He has a tendency to look scarier than he intends.
“Dance with me?” Hinata offered a hand to the taller boy, a hopeful smile on his face.
Kageyama looked down on the shorty who came up to him, a blush on his usually passive face. The low lighting puts Hinata in a different light, and suddenly, Kageyama finds himself looking at those plump, pink lips.
“I-,” Kageyama gulped, “what? Why?”
Hinata’s smile dropped in confusion. “Huh?”
“Why would you dance with me? I-I’m a guy,” Kageyama mumbled, looking to the side. “There are other girls you can dance with.”
“Eh?” Hinata tilted his head. “It’s just a dance- I’m not asking you out or anything.”
While Hinata laughed at his own joke (if you could call it a joke), Kageyama flushed even more at the idea. He scowled, “Stop saying weird things, dumbass.”
“That’s a naughty word,” Hinata smirked, “I won’t tell the Father if you dance with me.”
Kageyama rolled his eyes. “He won’t care.” But he will- Kageyama accepted Hinata’s hand anyway, and allowed himself to be pulled into the dance floor.
Hinata laughed loudly, and he likes to throw his head back as he lets out purely joy-filled and loud laughs. If the Lord ever decided to create a perfectly pure human being, Hinata would definitely be that person. He seems to take pleasure out of Kageyama’s inexperience, which the taller boy scowled in embarrassment at.
“Stop laughing!” Kageyama hissed. “You’re pulling me.”
“Sorry, sorry,” Hinata apologized unapologetically with stars in his eyes.
“No you’re not,” Kageyama raised an eyebrow, but he can’t deny the small smile that threatened to breakthrough.
Hinata let out another laugh, pulling Kageyama with him as he threw his head back.
“Oi, Hinata!” Kageyama barked, and barely planted his feet on the ground, stopping the two from falling in the middle of the dance floor, but now they’re in a rather embarrassing pose. Kageyama is holding Hinata by his lower back, Hinata reflexively looping his arms around Kageyama’s neck.
In other words, Kageyama is dipping Hinata. Awkwardly.
The music continued, but the dancing stopped. People are staring, wondering what the two boys are doing, why they’re in such a position, why Kageyama’s blushing heavily- and suddenly Kageyama dropped Hinata.
“OW!” The ginger complained loudly. “The heck’s that for, Kageyama?!”
“Sorry. Accident.” Kageyama bullshitted, trying to calm his heart. He’s a guy, he reminded himself. Hinata is a guy and I’m a guy.
“You suck at dancing,” Hinata struck out his tongue as he got up.
“It was your fault to begin with,” Kageyama flushed, tempted to return the gesture.
Hinata laughed it off, brushing off the imaginary dust from the ground, and waved at Kageyama. “Alrighty, whatever you say. See ya.”
And just like that, Hinata left Kageyama standing there, confused for a few seconds.
Eventually, he moved away from the middle of the dance floor. Kageyama’s heart began doing flips as his brain frantically tried to figure out what just happened.
Kageyama sighed to himself. This is why he hates- sorry, sorry! dislikes church dances.
His shoulders seem to be burning from Hinata’s earlier contacts. What does that mean?
Finding himself a corner, Kageyama quickly muttered a small prayer for guidance. He has no idea what’s going on anymore.
Surely, he’s not feeling sinful feelings, is he? He’s not thinking of Hinata sinfully, is he? Kageyama blinked, unable to answer his own questions. What is he feeling?
“...The Bible says not to worship other gods, for there is only one true Lord…”
Kageyama listened to the priest preach on and on, feeling slightly bored. His mind is on something completely different. And it is entirely too early for a sermon right now- he’s gotten used to waking up at around 5 AM but he’s still tired.
“...if you were to start bowing to a statue or a painting, then God would obviously be disappointed. More than that, He…”
Kageyama looked to the side, eyeing the other orphans with him. They’re all either listening attentively or looking as bored as he is.
“...to worship other fake gods such as Buddha or Allah, is a very big sin. And what will happen to sinners?” The priest paused briefly, looking around for a volunteer to answer his question.
“They go to Hell,” supplied one person behind Kageyama.
“Splendid! Sinners will go down to Hell.” The priest praised, nodding. “Whether it’s murder or a small lie, a sin is a sin. You will go to Hell and burn for eternity. Imagine that! You tell one lie, and in the future, you will suffer for eternity with no end. Forever and ever, you burn in lava and hot fire, and it will never stop no matter how many times you beg for even a second of break. You ask for help…”
Kageyama wants to bury his head in his hands. He heard this speech so many times. You burn in Hell if you do this or that. You will burn and suffer tremendously. Nothing on Earth can compare to the feeling of burning in Hell. You will never get redemption.
What a horrid thing to teach children, Kageyama thought as he looked at the front row containing children no older than seven. They look terrified.
“...so what do you do, to not go to Hell?”
Another pause as the priest looked around and his eyes landed on Kageyama.
“Tobio, my boy,” he said warmly and Kageyama snapped to attention, “what do you have to do?”
“Repent for your sins and pray,” Kageyama answered, “follow the Lord’s orders and do as the Bible says. Live a fruitful life as a follower of the Lord, spread his word, and be a good person to our neighbors and enemies.”
“Great, great!” The priest nodded, clearly pleased. “You’re my finest student- children, please take note of your big brother, Tobio. He is very...”
He droned on and on, preaching about the horrifying Hell children will go to if they don’t listen to their parents. The beautiful paradise called Heaven if little children behave well. Sins and what not to do. Vices and virtue.
Kageyama wants to go back to sleep. Maybe play volleyball in the church volleyball court (which is actually just a broken-down, abandoned parking lot that Kageyama attached some nets to) after breakfast.
His mind wandered to the dance from the previous night, and Kageyama suddenly flushed as memories of dancing with Hinata flashed into his head.
He ducked his head, making sure no one saw his suddenly bright red face, and paid attention to the priest to get rid of the memories.
“...you must pray every day- and not just once either! Pray, pray, pray! Once in the morning, once in the afternoon, once in the night. Once when you’re eating meals. When you do something wrong. When you get sinful thoughts and temptations from Satan….”
Kageyama quickly closed his eyes and prayed a fast prayer. The dance itself wasn’t a sinful memory- but the way his heart jumped when remembering Hinata? It wasn’t innocent nor pure.
The prayer ended, and not a second later, the church bells rang. The priest stopped talking and immediately wrapped up his speech, and the children around Kageyama started to shift around.
As the priest said their ending prayers out loud, Kageyama sat in his seat, his heart pounding as he tried to calm the chills that ran through his body.
The church bell rang three times. Most people would jump to the conclusion of: three for the Holy Trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That means it’s good right? It’s a sign of their support.
However, Kageyama is ever the pessimist. Three can mean Satan, the AntiChrist, and the False Prophet.
Sweat ran down Kageyama’s neck as the church bells echoed faintly in his mind.
Kageyama wasn’t raised to believe in coincidences and chance. The church bells rang symbolic numbers daily- and right now, it’s way too early to be 3’oclock.
He looked up at the church ceiling, eyeing the paintings of God and His angels around Him. The painting of man bowing before God, offering himself to Him. The next one of Eve holding an apple, a Serpent slithering around a branch nearby. The last one of flaming Angels watching over man.
O’ Lord, he said in his head, please guide me and tell me what to do.
A chorus of “Amen!” brought Kageyama back to life. Chairs and desks scraped across the floor as the kids got up and ran to the cafeteria for their breakfast.
Kageyama slowly got up and followed them, until the priest stopped him in his tracks.
“Do you need something, Father?” Kageyama asked politely.
The priest gave him a warm smile, and Kageyama felt warmth flood in his heart. Maybe he was worried for nothing.
“No, nothing like that, Tobio,” the priest waved, “however, I did notice you were restless during my sermon.”
Kageyama’s eyes widened and he immediately bowed. “I- I’m very sorry! I didn’t think I was that… that noticeable.”
The priest firmly planted his wrinkled hands on Kageyama’s shoulders and gently forced Kageyama to look up.
“My son,” he said in a firm voice, “if anything, or anyone, is troubling you, do not hesitate to tell me. If even you are restless during my sermons, it must be the work of Satan trying to tempt such a God-devoted person like you. I will pray for you, my son.”
“I-...” Kageyama looked down. “Thank you for your prayers, Father. I’m grateful you’re helping me not get tempted by the Devil.”
The priest smiled again and patted Kageyama’s head, ruffling his hair a bit. “Go pray for the Lord’s guidance. I will pray as well. If you need to ask me anything, don’t hesitate to ask me or the other priests and priestess.”
Kageyama nodded, swallowing. He bowed to the priest again and respectfully held a conversation, until the priest excused him to go eat breakfast.
Kageyama walked slowly- even slower than his already slow usual pace. His blue eyes landed on a clock, and the chills from before came back full force. It’s not 3’oclock-- obviously, it’s way too early.
Rather, it’s the time the priests and priestess are wary of: 7:06 AM.
Why is that so serious? It’s just a few minutes past 7 AM, right? No, this is a sneaky time most people are unaware of. It can be a regular, nonsymbolic 7:06 … or, it can be 6:66 if you don’t go by the time-rules.
That is definitely not a good number. Kageyama walked to the breakfast hall with a deathly pale face and tight fists on either side of him. And there’s no way that was a coincidence.
Kageyama flipped the pages of the Holy Bible carefully, his blue eyes scanning the pages. He grew a little frantic when he couldn’t find what he wanted to see and hurried his pace, still as careful as possible.
He skipped past the pages of the process of Creation, Moses’s great rescue, of King David slowly turning into a bad king, stayed a while in Psalms and Proverbs, and continued when he couldn’t find anything.
Great prophets and evil kings and plagues swam in Kageyama’s head as he looked on and on to no avail. Finally, he landed on the exact book and page he wanted. There’s no way that was a coincidence.
Leviticus 18:22 (Webster’s Bible translation)
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Kageyama felt his insides twist as a weird feeling settled on him. What is this feeling? He feels angry and sad and afraid. Why is he angry and with whom? Why is he sad? Why is he afraid? Mixing it all up is some unholy, stabbing feeling of guilt.
Maybe the translation’s off, Kageyama reasoned with himself. He looked around his bed and searched for another Bible, scrambling around as his hands pat across the covers and pillows.
Finally, he held a New King James Version Bible in his hands. Kageyama’s hands shook slightly as he skimmed through the pages, finding Leviticus.
Leviticus 18:22 (New King James Version):
You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.
Kageyama almost dropped the Holy Bible. His hands shook harder as the ugly feelings clawed his insides, scraping his walls it seems, messing with his suddenly pounding head. His heartbeat picked up speed, as if he’s afraid, and the chills returned in an unholy mix.
Kageyama set the Bible down next to his previous one. His mind feels blank and yet he could almost physically hear the rushing of his thoughts from one thing to another.
It is a sin, he told himself, it is a sin for a man to be with a man. It’s a sin.
His eyes widened again. I have to repent.
Kageyama got down on his knees, kneeling over his bed that held the two Bibles and clasped his shaking hands together.
O Lord, and even the voice in his head sounds shaken and afraid, I have sinned against you and have done evil in your sight. I am deeply sorry and I repent. Have mercy on me according to your love- wash away my wrongdoing and cleanse me from my sin. You are the Father of all mercy, forgive my sin and restore me in your image, to the praise and glory of your name.
Kageyama paused briefly to take a breath. Hear my prayer, O Lord, my God. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
Kageyama opened his eyes and stared at his hands, still kneeled before the two Bibles. He didn’t get up from his position for a while.
He swallowed and his own saliva felt too heavy. Kageyama rubbed his hands together, in a feeble attempt to somehow comfort himself, and sighed.
He got up and slowly dragged his feet across the floor, through the hallways, past the main church, and outside to the old parking lot. He picked up the ratty volleyball at the side and started spiking at the wall, his mind in shambles the entire time.
An image of the priest from before flashed in Kageyama’s head. He huffed and told himself he repented, and that he will not sin. The Lord will guide me. He will help me.
The volleyball bounced off the wall from Kageyama’s careless toss and landed somewhere else.
Kageyama followed the ball with his eyes and his heart stopped once again when he saw where the ball had landed. Kageyama felt his throat close down completely as fear paralyzed his body.
Near the ball was a small snake, staring at him, not even minding the ball.
After what seems like an eternity, the snake decided Kageyama wasn’t worth it and slithered away. Kageyama’s frantic mind noticed the pattern it was slithering in- an S from a snake, of all animals… Surely, that was a sign of the Devil.
There’s no way that was a coincidence.
Kageyama stood there, fear still controlling his body until he took a shaky step back, and then it seems as if everything exploded and Kageyama found himself running back into his room, running back into the safety of the church, running back to his Bible.
Every second, he was frantically repeating prayers and repenting.
The church people looked confused as Kageyama ran past them and into the room he shared with the other orphans, but they paid him no attention.
Kageyama prayed and prayed and prayed until his throat was coarse and his mind tired and his vocab empty.