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Ohm has seen it all. All the times Fong has cried over his breakups, his ex-girlfriends, and his secret crush.
Ohm has been there through it all. All the times Fong has dripped snot all over his shirts, gotten wasted to forget his bad memories, and cried himself to sleep.
Ohm isn’t as stupid as he makes himself out to be. All the times he’s caught Fong staring at Tine because he’s been staring at Fong. Ohm says nothing about Fong. Fong says nothing about Tine.
But his heart rips itself apart every time he sees his soulmate looking at someone else.
They became friends sophomore year of high school, and as it always will, the topic of soulmate marks came up.
Tine had flowing music notes swirling up his spine to the base of his hairline. Phuak had a series of shining bubbles along his inner right arm. Fong had a set of stark clock hands resting on his sternum, the hour pointing to where one would be and the minute to six.
Ohm had the same.
When pestered by the others to show them his, he joked it was on his butt and that if they really wanted to see… Laughs had been shared but Ohm was scared and confused. To share a soulmate mark with someone was terrifying enough, and now it was one of his best friends.
As the subject reappears throughout the years of their friendship, Ohm avoids talking about his own mark when he can. He keeps his lips shut or lies to keep from saying something that he’ll regret or make his friends push him away, and Ohm can’t live with that, because he loves his friends.
And having the same mark as Fong makes Ohm watch him, observe him. He ends up memorizing the softness of Fong’s cheeks, the peachiness of his lips, the way his eyelashes curl slightly over his sparkling eyes, the way he looks at Tine.
Fong looks at Tine with a soft fondness, a quiet love that will never be spoken aloud, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t expect to be caught because his friends are idiots; they’re not called ‘The One Brain Cell Squad’ for nothing. Phuak doesn’t see and Ohm is sure Tine doesn’t see, but he sees. Because he’s looking.
Freshman year of university comes and Sarawat Guntithanon enters their lives.
Well, mostly Tine’s, but it’s enough to make them all realize that Tine is falling in love with Sarawat, who shares the same dancing music notes on his body. It’s obvious that Tine is becoming infatuated with the handsome guitar player, especially to Fong.
Fong, who shows up at Ohm’s dorm room one night, wasted and sobbing as he leans against the wall when Ohm opens the door.
“Shit, Fong,” Ohm says as he takes Fong and gently leads him into the room, shutting the door quietly behind them. Fong is shaking in Ohm’s hands and Ohm feels as though he can’t breathe because Fong is clearly hurt.
“I’m an idiot!” Fong cries as he slumps against Ohm, who leads them over to his bed.
“Fong,” Ohm chides softly. They sit, facing each other, and Fong hiccups as Ohm wipes the streaking tears from his cheeks, ignoring the stench of alcohol on him.
“I’m such a good friend!” Fong gets out, half squeak, half yelp. “I helped Tine understand when I didn’t have to! I’m a good friend but I helped someone else get with my crush!” He sobs harder.
Ohm’s heart clenches at the words. He’s known, always, that Fong has liked Tine since high school but it hurts more to hear it out loud. He wraps his arms around Fong, holding him, drawing his trembling body against Ohm’s bigger frame.
"He wouldn't leave his side," Fong continues and he grips Ohm’s shirt with shaking fingers, clenching it against his own body. "But I've always been by Tine’s side, too, ever since middle school! I've never left his side, not ever!"
Ohm says nothing, stroking a hand through Fong’s hair.
“A girl knocked his drink out of his hand to go see Sarawat in the hospital and I said, ‘If you really wanted it, why didn’t you hold onto it firmly? If you don't want to regret it later, try to keep what you want.’ I--I--why did I say that?”
“Because you’re a good--great, amazing--friend,” Ohm soothes and Fong tucks his head under Ohm’s chin. Ohm holds him tighter.
"His eyes change when he looks at Sarawat," Fong says and the grip on Ohm’s shirt grows tighter. "I see it. I see it all the time. He's never looked at anyone like that." Another sob escapes him and Ohm holds Fong as close as possible to himself, because he's here, he's the one holding Fong, he's the one wiping Fong’s tears away.
"I'm such a fucking hypocrite! I tell Tine to hold onto Sarawat, to make him his, when all I've ever wanted is for Tine to be mine! I couldn't keep what I wanted! I don't deserve anything like that!"
Ohm feels his heart completely shatter. "No, no, Fong." He rocks Fong gently in his arms and presses a deep kiss to his forehead. "You deserve the world, baby, the moon and sun and stars. Everything." He pauses to see Fong staring up at him with bleary eyes. “You love Tine and you want him to be happy. Isn’t that all we want for those we love?”
It’s all he wants for Fong. To see his gorgeous smile, his carefree and teasing attitude… Ohm is sure Fong would be happier to have him as a friend, instead of a lying soulmate, never honest about his mark or feelings.
“I love him,” Fong whispers, and more tears soak Ohm’s shirt. “I love Tine.”
“I know,” Ohm murmurs back, and tenderly kisses away a fall tear on Fong’s cheek. “I know.”
I love you.
Time passes but Ohm never forgets that night. He isn’t sure if Fong remembers what he said, but Ohm makes no mention of it and neither does Fong.
It’s better this way, because Fong is happy that Tine is happy and Ohm’s okay with that. Anything to see Fong smiling without pain again.
Until Pam shows up and Tine is crying. It hurts Ohm, not just to see Fong sad because Tine is, but because Tine is Ohm’s friend, too. And God, Ohm’s no expert on serious relationships or communication between lovers, but Tine and Sarawat have trouble. Tine has trouble trusting and Sarawat has trouble opening up, that much Ohm can see.
They try to help, but none of them are experts in relationships, much less with another man. So Ohm comforts, holds Tine like he's held Fong, lets him cry on his shoulder.
Ohm sees the way Fong’s heart breaks in his chest at the sight of Tine crying over Sarawat. He understands; he sees himself in Fong when Fong has cried over Tine and his--their--unrequited loves building, bubbling up with each tear spilled.
Fong texts Ohm and Phuak to come over to his room the day of the concert. Tine sits between them on Fong’s bed, silent as Ohm and Phuak argue. "Tine, I think you should give Sarawat one more chance. He seems to be really remorseful," Phuak says. Tine’s brows furrow and he looks down at his lap.
"I don't think you should go to the concert," Ohm says. "Once a glass is broken, it will never be the same." The reason why Fong has never confessed and why Ohm has never confessed.
"Man, nothing in the world can stay the same," Phuak retorts, "Even if you leave the glass untouched, it can become old."
Ohm doesn't think his untouched glass, delicately encasing his feelings for Fong, will get old anytime soon.
"Stop arguing," Fong speaks up. "He's decided not to go."
Ohm looks at Tine, whose face is still worried. He glances at Fong and sees something different than his usual look. It's not what Ohm is used to seeing in Fong’s eyes when he looks at Tine, no, this is the way that Tine looks at Ohm when he goes along with Tine’s silly ideas, the way Fong looks at him when he makes a funny joke, the way Phuak looks at him when Ohm gives him a new porn magazine. There's no hurt or hope in it, only soft happiness.
"We should go," Fong adds, and Ohm and Phuak nod. Ohm pats Tine on the shoulder and the three walk out to go to the concert, leaving Tine behind to make his own choice.
“Will he be okay?” Phuak asks as they head to the central quad where the concert is being held.
Fong nods, his head held high. “He’ll make the right choice,” he replies, confident. “Whatever it is, and we’ll support him.”
Ohm hums in agreement, a little stunned by the confidence Fong is exuding. Sure, he’s been confident when trying to get girls to go out with him but nothing like this. No, this is… Ohm isn’t sure. Fong isn't timid or unsure of himself, until Ohm remembers the night of Fong’s confession. His sadness and self loathing, thinking that he wasn't worthy of someone's love, bubbling inside of him until it exploded out; it stops Ohm in his tracks.
Fong stops and turns back to him, Phuak following. "Ohm," he says, and his name on Fong’s lips sounds like a chorus of angels singing for him. "What's wrong?"
Ohm smiles. "Nothing," he murmurs and moves to wrap an arm around each of them. "Nothing is wrong." Maybe , he thinks, maybe Fong has learned to love himself and hold onto that love firmly.
Sophomore year comes and there's only three of them now.
Phuak is studying abroad in England but it doesn't stop them from continuing his food restaurant reviews for him, which he enjoys when he watches. Now that he's not with them, their chances of being beaten up by store owners have decreased dramatically.
Tine and Sarawat are sickeningly in love and Ohm has seen on too many accounts of Sarawat kissing the notes up the back of Tine’s neck and Tine giggling as he does so. He's also jealous, because he wants to kiss Fong’s clock hands the same way.
Despite Phuak's absence, there seems to be more to their group now. Man and Boss wrap him into more shenanigans now that they don't have Phuak to do them with. Pear has become joined at the hip with both Tine and Fong, the three of them constantly hovering over Phukong. Earn and Sarawat accuse Phukong of taking their dates away but the elder three laugh them off, Phukong preening under their praises. Green and Mil team up to annoy Sarawat any chance they get, leading him to go to Tine for comfort.
Fong has changed, too. He doesn't stare at Tine the way he used to; his eyes aren't sad anymore. Instead, he's more confident in himself, sure of himself, bright and beautiful. Ohm is so proud and happy for him.
Ohm himself has tried to rein in his own feelings. He tries to stop looking at Fong, instead looks anywhere but Fong. He studies on his own more, hangs out with Boss and Man more, and really, avoids Fong as much as he can.
They go out for barbecue one weekend about two months into the semester. Ohm sits on one side next to Green and Boss moves to sit on the other side, only to be shoved out of the way by Fong. The whole table falls silent as he plops down next to Ohm, staring at him with a pout on his lips.
"Sit somewhere else, Boss," Fong snaps.
Ohm’s eyes widen at the hostility in his voice and Boss slinks away with his tail between his legs, a great dane beaten by a small terrier.
Fong moves closer until their thighs are touching and Ohm’s heart thuds in his chest, so loud he thinks everyone can hear it over the hissing grills. "Are you avoiding me?" He whispers harshly.
"What?" Ohm stares at Dim placing meat on the grill. "No! Why would you think that?"
Fong narrows his eyes. "You're lying," he accuses.
"It--!" Ohm wants to shove his face into the hot grill. "It's because Phuak isn't here!" He blurts out and shoves a piece of meat into his mouth.
"Oh." Fong’s voice has become quiet. He's staring down at his lap now, turned away from Ohm with his shoulders hunched. "I get it now. Okay."
"Fong--" Ohm starts but Fong stands up from the table.
"I don't feel well," he speaks to the whole table. "Goodnight."
Ohm nearly chokes standing up after him. "Fong!" He follows Fong out into the dark parking lot. Fong turns and he's lit up by the soft glow the fairy lights from the patio offer. Ohm stops in his tracks at the sight.
His eyes are sad again.
"Fong," Ohm says quietly and reaches a hand out.
Fong looks to the side. "I like you," he says.
Ohm stops moving. "What?" His heart is pounding, the ground shifts beneath his feet, his mark burns on his chest--
"I saw it," Fong replies. His cheeks are pink and he's holding his hands to his chest. "Your mark. The clock hands."
The mark. The soulmate mark. Ohm’s vision swims. "You saw it? When?"
Fong nods. "Last year."
"Last year?"
"When I came to see you," Fong continues. "That night."
That night. That night. The trembling fingers gripping his shirt, pulling the collar down a few inches as Fong sobbed in his arms…
"Why didn't you say anything?" Ohm whispers. He takes a step back. "Why wait this long? What else do you remember?"
Fong pauses, avoiding Ohm’s eyes. "Everything."
"Everything?" Ohm wants to shriek. His words, his kisses, all of it remembered.
"I'm sorry!" Fong cries as he reaches for Ohm, who takes another step back.
"You only like me because we have the same mark," Ohm says slowly. No, his mind screams, don't say that!
"We're soulmates!" Fong replies desperately.
Ohm shakes his head and Fong’s expression falls further. "It's the marks, my mark you like. You don't like me for me and--" Ohm inhales a shuddering breath over Fong’s protests. "I don't like you for you, I like you for your mark."
"Ohm, please," Fong says, grabbing Ohm’s face and holding it in his palms. "It's not true, there's more to us than marks! I'm sorry I didn't notice you sooner, I'm sorry all I did was look at Tine!"
"No," Ohm wrenches himself free and backs away.
Fong grabs him by the shoulders, eyes blazing, and Ohm thinks he's about to be strangled when Fong forces him to sit down on the curb. "Shut the fuck up!" He shouts, startling Ohm into attention. "You listen to me, Ohm Chayakorn Jutamat! This isn’t just about you!”
“I know it’s not!” Ohm protests. “But--”
“Stop!” Fong presses a finger to Ohm’s lips, silencing him. “Do you like me?”
Ohm’s face burns but he nods under Fong’s gaze.
“Do you like Phuak?”
Ohm winces at the thought. So that’s why Fong had been upset with what he had said earlier.
Fong smiles and sits beside him, making sure to hold onto Ohm’s arm to keep him from running. “So why are you denying this? Us?”
Ohm turns his face away. “You wouldn’t have thought any different of me if you hadn’t seen my mark,” he replies, teeth gritted. “I’d still be your friend, and that’s it.”
“Why didn’t you say anything when we met? When you first saw mine?” Fong asks gently. He curls a palm against Ohm’s cheek and Ohm can’t help leaning into it.
“I never said anything because I was scared,” Ohm admits. “Having a soulmate--I know everyone has one--but to know them so suddenly, to know you so suddenly…” He trails off.
“It’s okay to be scared,” Fong says.
“I thought you would hate me,” Ohm whispers, turning back to Fong. He looks into his eyes, searching for any trace of hate or disgust or annoyance; instead, there’s only a soft fondness, a look he’s used to seeing directed toward someone else. “Because I haven’t said anything for years.”
“I wouldn’t hate you for that,” Fong says. “Please understand that. And please understand that it’s okay that you like me only because of my mark.”
“I like you for more than that!” Ohm blurts out defiantly. “A lot more!”
Fong laughs, causing Ohm to blush again. “Then, please understand that I like you for more than yours.” He looks down at his hands and intertwines the one holding Ohm’s arm with Ohm’s hand. “To be honest, ever since Tine met Sarawat, I knew I had no chance. I probably knew even before then, because I knew he would meet his soulmate one day. Everyone does, and someone else would be by his side, with those music notes going up their back instead of mine. I stopped crying when they made up. I saw the way they looked at each other and I knew that nothing could ever come between them, not again, so I just let go.” Fong looks up again at Ohm and squeezes his hand. “And then I thought about you. That night is blurry but I can remember everything.” He reaches up and brushes his thumb over Ohm’s lips lightly, remembering their feel on his cheek. He moves his hand down to Ohm’s chest, laying it on his sternum, where the clock hands rest. “And this. This is what ties us together, Ohm. So it’s okay that we like each other after seeing the other’s mark, it’s completely natural, because we’re soulmates .”
Ohm pauses, still doubtful. “You have to be sure,” he says. “You have to be sure it’s me and not just this.” He gestures to his mark on his chest.
Fong chuffs, seemingly amused. “It’s you because of this,” he replies, stroking a finger down Ohm’s sternum. Ohm shivers at his touch. “Both of these.”
“What do you mean?”
“Our mark and your heart,” Fong says. “I like you because of both. You’re kind and warm and loving, you’ve always been there for me, taken care of me, helped me.”
“The heart is on the left side,” Ohm answers and Fong smacks his arm.
“That’s all you have to say to that?” He whines, and Ohm can’t help but think about how cute he is. “Actually, the heart is in the middle of the chest, it’s just the left side is slightly bigger.”
“You’re not a doctor,” Ohm laughs at the growing look of disbelief on Fong’s face.
Fong rolls his eyes and moves closer, wrapping his arms around Ohm’s neck, and rests their foreheads together. “Then how come I know that your lips should be touching mine right now?”
Ohm grins. “That’s just common sense,” he whispers back. “You don’t need to go to med school to know that.” And he moves to kiss Fong.
It’s electrifying and calm, like a lightning storm over the still sea. Ohm can’t hear or see, can only feel Fong’s lips against his, finally , and he smiles into the kiss because this touch is all he needs.
Ohm holds on firmly to Fong and he’ll never let go.