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Lavellan and the party, this time made up of The Iron Bull, Dorian and Varric, had just returned from the Emerald Graves in rather high spirit after chasing off the red templars from the area. But once inside the keep Lavellan’s spirit falters, this was normally when she sought out Josephine to spend some quality time with her love but Josephine had some business to attend to in Val Royeaux and had yet to return. As if he was reading her mind Bull called out:
“Hey Boss, wanna come to the tavern with The Chargers later? We’ll show you how a real celebration goes!”
“Oh, that would be lovely, just let me take a bath and change my clothes first,” Lavellan replied, fruitlessly trying to brush the road dust from her tunic. Even if the Emerald Graves was one of the more pleasant places they visited, she still longed to sink down into one of the hot springs pool and finally be clean.
“Did someone say a bath? That would be simply divine right now,” Dorian inserted himself into the conversation.
“Yep, heading down to the hot spring as soon as I grab a change of clothes.”
“Oh, do bring those herbs you brought last time, they smelled simply wonderful.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it, I will leave you two to the pampering and see you in the tavern in an hour,” Iron Bull said.
“Give us two,” Dorian called out dragging Lavellan away. “I have some new oils that will do wonders for your hair, darling.”
~L~
Lavellan and Dorian stumbled laughing into the tavern sometime later, already a bit tipsy from the wine Dorian had brought down to the baths.
“Heeeeeey Bull,” Lavellan giggled as she sat down on one of the benches at The Charger’s table, dragging Dorian with her.
“Hey Boss, started a bit, have you?” Bull said.
“A bit. Dorian brought wine and then he massaged my head with some nice smelling oil.”
“And you melted into a little purring puddle, is that how Josephine seduced you?” Dorian teased.
“…. Maybe?” Lavellan totally did not blush, no not at all, when she thought back to the last time she and Josephine had seen each other right before she headed out. They had been in her chambers and she had had her head in Josie’s lap and the other woman had just slowly stroked her hair and peppered her face with soft kisses.
“That’s so cute, Inquisitor,” Krem said, setting down a drink before her. “I lost a bet, so drinks are on me tonight.”
“Thank you, Krem,” Lavellan said taking a sip, it tasted pleasantly sweet and didn’t seem too strong.
“So, you and the ambassador, ey?” Bull said with a smirk.
“Yes.” Lavellan took another big sip of her drink.
“Oh, come on, give us something more, we live for the juicy details here,” Krem protested, topping up Lavellan’s cup from a pitcher.
“Oh, do tell them Lavellan, you were ever so descriptive when you told me about how dear Josie kissed in the war room by lifting you up and pressing you against the wall.”
“Dorian! That was a privet conversation!” Lavellan yelled, smacking the other mage on the shoulder.
“What was a privet conversation?” Varric said, sliding onto the bench on Lavellan’s other side.
“How our dear inquisitor tells me in far too great details about her and the ambassador’s relationship,” Dorian looked far too pleased for someone within hitting range.
“She is stronger than she looks,” Lavellan muttered, giving in to the curious stares around the table.
“And don’t pretend that you don’t enjoy the gossip,” she added, glaring at Dorian.
“I enjoy it just much as you enjoy being manhandle. But that isn’t the best part, you have to tell them what happened next.”
“No.” Lavellan hid her bright red face in her cup.
“Aw, come on, don’t leave us hanging here,” Varric said, elbowing Lavellan lightly.
“….and then Cullan walked in us,” Lavellan mumbled stubbornly, looking down in her cup and the whole table erupted in laughter.
~L~
A few drinks later Lavellan was significantly drunker and leaning rather heavily on Dorian’s side, almost in his lap.
“Why isn’t Josie here?” she whined, sloshing her tankard a bit.
“Because someone had to deal with the nobles in Val Royeaux and she was the only one with enough patient to waggle them in line peacefully,” Varric said, patting her sympathetically on the knee.
“I watched Hawke do it a couple of times and while she always managed it always ended with her practising knife throwing until someone offered to spar with her. Mostly Fenris but Aveline stepped in a few times when they had their off period.”
“I know, I know, and I’d rather run staff drills for hours than waggle nobles but after-mission is our alone time for a couple of days when she lets her assistants take over and instructs them to politely tell everyone to fuck off unless the world is actively ending more than it currently is. And now she isn’t here and we can’t have our ritual and it feels so hard to settle down and relax,” Lavellan ranted slumping against the table and sneakily stealing Dorian’s drink. She wasn’t even close to sneaky but he let her because she sounded like she really needed it.
“I get it, it’s hard to let go and relax after being in the field,” Krem said, the rest of The Chargers and Bull nodding along.
“We all have our rituals. I patch up everything I can find and if it isn’t enough someone gets a new shirt or pair of pants, I didn’t grow up the son to a tailor for nothing. Skinner sharpens and polish all of her blades, Stiches runs inventory of his herbs and this one mother hen us all.” He pointed at Bull who look ready to protest.
“Son of a tailor?! Is there any possibility I can bribe you to make me a skirt? All my clothes went boom at the conclave and I think Cassandra was in charge of ordering the new ones since it’s only pants. Which is practical and all but sometimes a girl wants something nice and swooshy,” Lavellan asked eagerly, temporarily forgetting her woes.
“We’ll work something out,” Krem promised.
“Focus Boss, what do you and the ambassador usually do?” Bull asked. “We might be able to help you. Doubt she would approve of us getting you laid, thought.”
“We don’t do that,” Lavellan pulled a face. “Not the first evening anyway, unless I’m really, really strung up, casting a lot can make you a bit jiggly if you don’t use it all up,” she started to explain.
“It feels a bit like lightning running all over your skin and physical activities is a great way to get rid of it,” Dorian filled in with a smirk.
“Yup, or just continue to cast until you are drained, which I tend to do, and then you are left with exhaustion,” Lavellan continued.
“You really should stop doing that, you are making me look like a responsible mage,” Dorian complained but it was clear to all that he was just hiding his concern.
“Aw, I knew you cared,” Lavellan hugged Dorian who looked rather chocked. “Point is, I’m not up to much and any sex wouldn’t be fun for her. Having your partner falling asleep in the middle of it isn’t sexy at all.”
“Speaking from experience, are we?” Varric teased.
“Shut up, Varric.”
“So what do you do?” Bull asked trying to get the conversation back on track so they could help their friend. Huh, Krem might have a point about the mother henning, not that he would ever tell him, then there would be no living with him.
“Take a bath, letting her pamper me, wash my hair, scrub my back and such. She usually sings while she does that. Josie used to be a bard, you know? She has the most wonderful voice and she even learned some Dalish songs for me. Isn’t that just wonderful? She is so sweet even if her pronunciation is awful. After that we mostly cuddle on the bed. She likes to have me close to remind her that I’m back, so I usually end up half atop of her while she pets me. Oh, and there is kissing. Lots and lots of kissing, so many kisses,” Lavellan said looking all dreamy.
“I might have washed your hair but I’m not kissing you,” Dorian said in a very serious tone.
“Don’t worry, I don’t want to kiss you, your moustaches probably tickles.” Lavellan scrunched her nose.
“It’s very swirly. How do you get it like that?” she added in a very considering tone and before anyone had the time to react she reached out and twirled Dorian’s moustache between her fingers. Dorian promptly jerked his head back and pushed Lavellan away so she tumbled into Varric’s side.
“Oh no, cuddling I can put up with but I draw a firm line at defiling the work of art my moustaches is,” he said scandalize. Varric in the meantime had a hard time managing the uncoordinated bunch of limbs that made up the drunk elf that had landed in his lap.
“Help!” he manged to get out, doing his best to not fall of the bench. Bull came to the rescue and lifted Lavellan up and settled her in his own lap.
“You can cuddle me all you want but I have to agree with the Vint, no kissing unless that something you and Josephine have discussed?”
“We have, no kissing anyone else. Well, cheeks and back of hands are fine, unless it’s the difference between coming home or not but that doesn’t count.”
“Good, how about touching?”
“Anything platonic is fine. My clan is really affectionate with each other, so it’s been very odd to live with all these city dwellers who is so un-touchy. Weird shem thing. Like shoes. They are awful, you cannot feel the earth at all. I hate them,” Lavellan suddenly got very focused at removing her boots, practically tearing at the buckles with alcohol clumsy fingers.
“Hear, hear!” Dalish agreed from the other side of the table raising her tankard.
“Chief makes me wear them then we are in cold places like this, the brute.”
“That’s because last time I didn’t you almost got frostbite. I’m not letting you get bloody frostbite on my watch,” Bull said settling his hands on Lavellan’s hips, so she didn’t fall off his lap while waggling her shoes.
“That’s what Josie says too! And then she said ‘for me?’ and ‘I worry so’ with that face she knows I can’t resist. It’s really unfair!”
“Chief just says he will dock my pay. But what do they know about being elven?” And with that they started a passionate discussion about the evils of shoes no one else could follow.
~L~
The evening carried on and Krem kept the drinks coming. Lavellan stayed in Bulls lap, switching between being contently curled up and cuddled, or doing her best to escape because something caught her attention. Most of the times she would had fallen flat on her face if Bull’s hands hadn’t steadied her. In the latest attempt she suddenly had a coin that she reached forward and dropped down the front of Varric’s shirt.
“Not that I ever say no to free money, but why?” he asked looking bewildered down his shirt.
“…I, I don’t know,” Lavellan replied, looking just as confused.
“I just saw your open shirt and had to drop something down the cleavage. Why do you always have your shirt unbuttoned, by the way? Not that it is anything wrong with the tits out-look. But don’t you get cold? We are in a fortress in the middle of a snowy mountain after all.”
“Habit,” Varric shrugged.
“Started out with it being neigh on impossible getting any shirt that fitted a dwarf physic in Kirkwall unless you had the money to get something tailored and by the time I moved up in the world it was a signature look.”
“Hear, hear. Finding anything qunari sized south of Par Vollen that doesn’t cost a fortune is impossible,” Bull said.
“Is that why you never wear a shirt?” Lavellan asked pressing her cheek against Bull’s warm skin.
“Na, I just look so good without,” Bull smirked.
“Besides, I do wear one then you bully me into wearing upper body armour.”
“You get him to do what?! Please teach me your secrets!” Krem begged.
“I learned to copy Josie’s disappointed face. That face she makes when she is really, really disappointed in you and you just want to throw yourself at her feet, beg for her forgiveness and promise to do whatever she asks. One minor Orlesian lord actually did that, it was quite funny. Not when she turns it towards you, like when I tried to convince her that I didn’t need any armour since I’m a mage. Lost that argument. But then she does it towards someone else, that’s funny and hot, like really hot. She asked me to sit in on a meeting with some Ferelden arl that had some very important complains. Didn’t hear a word of that meeting, all I could think about was how hot she was then she completely talked him into doing exactly what she wanted while thinking it was his idea all along. Getting snogged was probably not the feedback she was looking for, but she so deserved it.”
“Competence can be damn sexy,” Ironbull agreed a bit too quickly probably to stir the conversation away from forcing him to wear things on his upper body.
“Mhm,” Lavellan agreed and looked dreamy.
~L~
Lavellan was now way passed drunk and had stopped her escape attempts in favour of sleepy cuddling up against Bulls chest. Suddenly she poked his pec and let out a quiet giggle.
“Squish!”
“Doing okay there, Boss?” Bull looked down on the elf in his lap. Lavellan just poked his pec again.
“Boobies,” she said helpfully before continuing to giggle.
“Told you that you should let me help you bind that up, chief,” Krem laughed.
“Josie have nice boobies too,” Lavellan slurred, suddenly becoming the centre of attention again. For really, how often did you get to hear someone this important spill the juicy details about their love life. Taking the sudden silence for the encouragement it was she continue.
“They are big and soft and squishy. And they make the best pillow, so soft, and then she strokes my hair… Your boob makes a nice pillow too, Bull.” Lavellan patted the pec in front of her affectionately.
“Aww, thank you, that’s sweet of you to say,” Bull replied petting Lavellans head.
“But Josie’s are better. And they are sensitive. She really, really likes it when I do this thing with my mouth. She makes such lovely sound and praises me and…”
“And that’s more than I ever needed to know,” Dorian cut her off to the rest of the table’s disappointment.
“Let’s get you to bed, yes? Can you stand?” He stood in front of her and Bull and slowly pulled her to her feet keeping a firm grip in case she would lose her balance. Which she promptly did and practically swooned into his arms.
“I can carry her,” Bull offered rising from his chair.
“That’s probably for the best,” Dorian agreed, carefully turning Lavellan around so she was facing Bull who had crunched down to come to eyelevel with her.
“I’m going to pick you now, Lavellan, and carry you to your chamber so can go to sleep, okay?” he said, making sure she knew what was going to happen.
“Okay, can I hold on to your horns?” Lavellan asked, stretching her arms towards him.
“No, they are sensitive.”
“Okay, but boobies are fine?” Lavellan settled her arms arounds Bull’s neck.
“Yeah, yeah, boobies are fine,” Bull sighted as he gently scoped her up in a bridal carry to The Chargers laughter. They there never going to let this one go.
“Krem, stop laughing and grab her shoes…”
“Stupid shem things,” Lavellan mumbled.
“…a waterskin and a bucket and meet us in the inquisitor’s chamber,” Bull continued, paying no attention to Lavellan’s interruption.
“Aye, aye. Shall I see if I can rustle up one of Stiches’ hang over potion too?”
“No, I got that,” Dorian said, swinging his and Lavellan’s staffs over his shoulder, if his friend woke up without hers she would panic.
“Questionable life choices made me quite the master of that particular kind of potion. Even managed to eliminate the awful taste.”
“Right, see you all in a bit,” Bull said adjusting his grip on the half-asleep elf who had cuddled as close as she could and let her eyelids drop.
“Five silvers on her being asleep before you get past the great hall,” Varric called out after them.
~L~
Varric lost five silvers. Lavellan managed to stay awake until they reached her chambers and Bull lowered her onto all of the furs on her bed. Then they ran into a small complication, the elf refused to let go off Bull’s neck and tried to pull him down onto the bed.
“Lay down, you can sleep here too and cuddle me.”
“Not happening, Boss,” Bull stated and reached up and loosened Lavellan’s grip and put her hands down on her stomach.
“Why not? This bed is huge you can totally fit too?” Lavellan asked confused not seeing the problem at all.
“You are way to drunk to agree to anything so I’m not getting in bed with you,” Bull explained gently.
“Oh, okay,” Lavellan looked completely crushed.
“Ask me again when you are sober and if you want me to stay I will,” he added, eyeing the elegant and dainty sofa sceptically.
“Steal a few of those furs and sleep on the floor or something.”
“You are not sleeping on a stone floor the first night back after a mission,” Krem’s firm voice cut in as he came up the stairs with Dorian at his side.
“I got her drunk so I’m staying. The sofa actually fit me so I can kip there and make sure she doesn’t choke on her vomit or something.”
“I’m in favour of making sure my friend doesn’t suffocate and Bull you really shouldn’t sleep on the floor, I saw how you took that warhammer to the back, remarkable how well your skin tone hide bruises.
“You did what?!” Krem yelled and Bull shoot a glance that clearly said “traitor” to Dorian who ignored him and sat down on the bed next to Lavellan and held up two bottles.
“Blue bottle, for alcohol hangover take this first. Green bottle, for the over casting exhausting I’m sure you will get tomorrow. I have also labelled them,” he instructed. Lavellan nodded and Dorian put the bottles down on the side table and then took off Lavellan’s staff and put in its designated stand next to the bed.
“Now, do you want me to help you change into something more comfortable?” he offered. Lavellan looked down on her fitted trousers and shirt and then up at Dorian again and nodded.
“Good, you two keep arguing if you want to but turn your backs,” he called to Krem and Bull, who were having an intense discussion about self-preservation and stubbornness. He waited until they faced away from the bed before helping Lavellan with all the little hooks and eyes on her top. He knew she was fine with him seeing her bare, they bathed together often enough, but he wasn’t sure how she felt about other people and wanted to make sure to respect her privacy. Outdoors clothing removed he located a nightgown under one pillow which he was pretty sure belonged to Josephine but Lavellan nodded then he held it up so he helped her into it and then tucked her in. Her head barely hit the pillow before she was out like a light.
“Finished arguing who is saying?” he asked the two men in a hushed voice.
“I am,” Krem said firmly turning to face Dorian.
“You make sure this one gets to his own bed and actually rest,” he gave Dorian a look that was far too knowing for his taste.
“Well,” Dorian said doing his best to sound casual.
“You heard your lieutenant, I’m charged with escorting you to bed.” He offered Bull his arm as one might do a fine lady and to his great surprise the qunari took it.
“Lead the way then,” Bull simply said and Dorian did not blush, no not at all, at their closeness as they left the inquisitor’s chambers. Krem pulled a blanket and a pillow from the extensive amount on Lavellan’s bed and settled down on the sofa in a light doze ready to wake up if anything happened.
~L~
Lavellan woke up the next morning by sunrays playing over her face, leaned over the edge of the bed and promptly threw up in the bucket Krem strategically placed there before falling back on the bed with a load groan.
“Here, rinse your mouth a bit,” Lavellan opened her eyes a bit and saw Krem standing next to her bed holding a tankard. Sometime since last night he had removed the breastplate and was now only dressed in a loose tunic and pants.
“I really, really shouldn’t trust anything you hand me,” she said squinting a bit. “Fuck my head is killing me, how much did I drink yesterday?”
“Fair, but I promise this is only water,” Krem said helping her sit up and handing her the tankard.
“Small sips and if you can keep it down the blue bottle holds a hangover potion from your second favourite Vint.” He tilted his head towards the side table.
“After last night and if Dorians potion works I think he is my favourite Vint,” Lavellan manged to drink up all the water without feeling nauseous so she reached for the blue bottle, tipped it into the tankard and stared to take small sips.
“What if I say I will make you that skirt you was talking about yesterday?” Krem asked.
“Then I might reconsider,” Lavellan replied draining the last of the potion already, feeling the headache lift.
“Still won’t let you mix drinks for me ever again though. How strong were those? I can’t remember how I got here and the rest is quite fuzzy too.”
“Fair, but I didn’t know you were that much of a lightweight, and chief carried you. You were a bit too unsteady to be trusted with all these stairs.” Lavellan groaned and hid her face in her hands.
“Please tell me nobody saw that.”
“Pretty sure most of tavern saw him lift you up and can’t say who saw you walk by since I was off getting the bucket and water.”
“Oh dear. Do I dare to ask what else I did?”
“It was pretty mild relatively speaking,” Krem shrugged his shoulder.
“Mostly cuddled up in Chief’s lap and talked about how wonderful your Josephine is. Properly sappy, I think Varric took notes on some of the juicer details. Did Cullan really walk in on you?”
“More than once, that man is way too punctual,” Lavellan groaned before her brain caught up with the important part.
“Varric did what?!” she flew up from the bed and took a few step towards the stairs ready to make sure that dwarf didn’t put this in any of his books before her knees decided they had had enough of her running around the last couple of days and gave up on her. She would have fallen to the floor if Krem hadn’t caught her, the man was surprisingly strong but that should probably be expected given that he sparred with Bull on a regular basis.
“Oh no you don’t, back to bed with you,” Krem helped her sit back on the bed and prop up pillows against the headboard she could lean against.
“I’m guessing this is the casting exhaustion the Altus talked about?” he asked. Lavellan shut her eyes against the spinning room.
“Yeah. Ouch, I might have overdone it a tiny bit,” she admitted weakly.
“Uh-huh. He left a potion for that too, the green bottle,” Krem held the bottle out of Lavellan’s reach when she made to grab it.
“You can have this if you promise to stay in bed and not try to run off again.”
“You don’t understand, I have to stop Varric before he puts anything in his books. Hawke warned me about this, and Bull is hardly subtle either if he doesn’t want to. Josie is going to kill me, she keeps insisting I have an image I need to preserve,” Lavellan wasn’t quite begging but it was close.
“What about a compromise? You stay here and rest and I go get everyone that was there last night and raid the kitchen and we can have a nice little picnic here and you can threaten everyone from the comfort of your own bed, and Stiches and Dorian can poke at you to make sure you don’t faint the next time you try to stand up?”
“Does it have to be poking?” Lavellan whined
“Yes,” Krem said handing over the potion. “Stay put I will be right back.”
~L~
And so they had a lively picnic in the inquisitor’s chambers and everyone was sworn to silence about what had happened the previous night. This was how Josephine found them as she returned a bit early from Val Royeaux, her beloved sitting in their bed dressed in Josephine’s nightgown holding a most rowdy court for the Charger and some of her inner circle. Fortunately she was too busy kissing her love hello to notice the far too knowing sniggers and Lavellan’s threatening glare to the assembled group as Josephine helped herself to a plate food and settled down in the bed next to Lavellan.