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Neil stared up at the skeleton of the tyrannosaurus rex. His crystalline blue eyes widened, lips parted. He was buzzing with excitement, bouncing on the balls of his feet next to him.
Andrew didn’t care for the dinosaur bones hanging from the ceiling above him. His eyes were fixed on the boy staring next to him.
“My mom used to take me to museums all the time when I was younger,” he said quietly, turning his attention to Andrew. “I had this poster above my bed of different dinosaurs…”
“Did you have a favorite?” Andrew asked.
Neil smiled. “Brachiosaurus.”
“That’s the tall one?”
Neil frowned. “There were lots of dinosaurs that were tall, but yes.”
Andrew just shrugged, looking up at the t-rex for a moment. Neil fidgeted with the pamphlet he’d grabbed at the front desk while Andrew paid for admission. He could feel Neil trying to find his words.
“Yes?” he asked patiently, looking over at him.
“Do you?” Neil asked. “Have a favorite dinosaur?”
“No.”
A smile crept onto the red-heads face. Andrew tried to glare at his boyfriend. It was getting harder and harder to do so.
“Yes, you do.”
“Pterodactyl, but if you tell anyone you’re dead to me.”
Neil giggled—yes, giggled—bringing a band up to try and cover the sound. He looked over at Andrew, blushing.
“‘Drew, Pterodactyl’s arent technically dinosaurs—“
Andrew just glared. “Then I don’t have a favorite dinosaur.”
“Well that’s sad,” Neil said. “Let’s find you a new favorite!”
He held out his hand to Andrew.
The very last thing Andrew ever wanted to do, next to Exy, was walk around a stuffy museum all day. One look at Neil though—bouncing with excitement, eyes full of life, cheeks tinged pink and that fucking smile—how could he possibly say no?
He sighed, taking Neil’s hand.
He didn’t show it, but he listened as Neil spewed out facts about all the different dinosaurs. Neil got super excited, telling him about some of the stuff they got wrong in Jurassic Park that a museum worker had to ask him to quiet down.
Andrew just watched Neil. Watched the way he broke out in a grin when he read an information plaque and relayed the information to Andrew. The way he smiled. Gods, that smile.
That was Andrew’s kryptonite. He would do anything to make sure Neil kept smiling like that. Like everything was right in the world, like he’d never been happier.
Andrew just couldn’t fathom that he was smiling so big over some animal bones.
Before Andrew could understand, his boyfriend pulled him into the gift shop. He grabbed two shirts for them both to wear, much to Andrew’s dismay.
He grabbed a hoodie with a brachiosaurus on it, too. He held the items close to his chest, marching over to the checkout counter. He stumbled by a display of stuffed animal dinosaurs. Andrew saw it, despite how well Neil covered it up.
“Hey,” Andrew said, gently tugging the clothing from Neil’s arms. “Why don’t you go get the car? I’ll pay.”
Neil hesitated first a moment, but let go of the clothes. He looked back toward the museum, seemingly not wanting to leave.
“You can always come back. I’m sure Nicky or Matt would love to hear about the dinosaurs,” Andrew assured him.
Neil nodded, holding out his hand for the car keys. Andrew passed them over.
Andrew waited for Neil to be out of sight before he turned to the worker behind the counter. He pointed at the stuffed animal display.
“Which one is the Brachiosaurus?”
-
Andrew sat down in the driver's seat, tossing the bag to Neil.
Neil caught the bag with ease, but frowned at the size of it. He peered inside and froze. Inside was the navy blue Brachiosaurus stuffed animal he’d seen in the store.
He yanked it out of the bag and turned to Andrew. “You got it?”
Andrew shrugged, pulling out of the parking lot. “I saw you looking at it.”
Neil pushed the bag to the floor, pulling his legs up criss cross (“Seriously? This isn’t a fucking zoo, Neil!” Andrew complained) and hugged the dino to his chest with a smile. It was soft against his cheek.
He wondered if his mom ever bought him a dinosaur stuffed animal. He was upset that he couldn’t remember ever having one.
He hugged it tight.
He thought this was the happiest he’s ever been. Sitting here with his boyfriend and a stuffed animal of his favorite dinosaur.
He was so content on the drive that pulling up to fox tower was jarring. He stuffed the dinosaur into the bag, face darkening as he clutched the bag.
“You good?” Andrew asked with a frown, studying him.
“I don’t want them to know,” he admitted.
“About the museum? It’s too late for that—“
“The stuffed animal.”
“If they give you shit I’ll kill them,” Andrew deadpans.
“I can never tell if you’re joking.”
Andrew shrugged. “Come on. I've got ice cream upstairs.”
Neil hugged the bag close, protecting the stuffed animal inside. He marched into him and Andrew’s room, ignoring the onslaught of questions temporarily.
He emerged a moment later in the brachiosaurus sweatshirt he’d grabbed earlier. He plopped down next to Andrew on the couch.
He looked at the label on the ice cream and scrunched up his nose. He declined the spoon Andrew offered him, pulling his knees up to his chest.
“Did you guys have fun?” Matt asked, arm slung around Dan.
Neil nodded, sitting up straighter. “The museum was so cool! They had a lot of dinosaur bones from all the different time periods and they had this model of how the dinosaurs went extinct! It was so much fun. I wanna go back.”
“We have an away game, you should see if they have a museum nearby,” Matt encouraged.
Neil gasped, turning to Andrew. “Can we?”
“I’ll look it up later,” he said around a mouthful of ice cream.
“Did you have fun Andrew?” Dan asked.
“Yeah, I learned that Pterodactyls are not actually dinosaurs.”
“Wait, really?” Dan asked.
“No! Pterodactyl is actually just a general term for a winged reptile. There’s a lot of different types of winged reptiles that lived with and went extinct around the same time as dinosaurs, but they aren’t dinosaurs,” Neil explained, bouncing in his seat.
“Huh. Interesting,” Matt said. “Listen, everyone else is going out for dinner tonight as a big group. We didn’t think you guys would be back yet but you’re welcome to join.”
Neil looked at Matt’s outfit. He was dressed nicely. Dan wore a pretty skirt. Neil preferred his clothing to be comfortable instead of fashionable.
“Where to?” Andrew asked.
“It’s a fancier place downtown. My mom paid. A good luck wish before our game,” Matt explained.
“Is it loud?” Andrew asked.
Neil felt the glance his way. He slumped in his chair. He knew it was an important question, he just wished it didn’t feel like he was being babied or that people felt he was delicate.
“No, it’s a really nice place. She picked a quieter place because she thought Neil was coming,” Matt said.
The red head smiled a bit. Matt’s mom was really nice.
“Thanks Matt, but I’m tired from today. I’ll pass,” Neil said. “You can go if you want.”
Andrew laughed a bit. “I’m already eating my dinner. We can order something for you, if you want.”
Neil nodded. He watched the others slowly emerge from their rooms, dressed and ready to go.
They all said their “hello”s and “goodbye”s and they were off. Neil waited one minute, then two before going into their room and grabbing the stuffed animal. He sat down again, holding the dinosaur close.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Andrew asked.
“Will you be mad if I want to watch Jurassic Park,” Neil asked in response, cheeks red.
Andrew shook his head no. “Do you know what you want to eat yet?”
He flipped through their recorded movies and selected Jurassic Park for Neil. Neil shook his head no.
-
Eventually he had eaten pizza that Andrew ordered. By the time the others returned at 11:30, stumbling in drunk, Neil was passed out on the couch.
In his arms was a blue stuffed dinosaur. Andrew was awake next to him watching a crime show. He glared at the others daring them to comment on the stuffed animal.
No one did.
They all went to bed without comment.
-
Neil stood by the bed with his packed back, moving his weight from foot to foot. He stared at the stuffed animal on their bed.
“Do you want to bring it?” Andrew asked from the other end of the room, watching him.
Neil nodded, looking ashamed of the fact.
“Then bring it.”
“I shouldn’t need a stuffed animal,” Neil grumbled, grabbing it. He ran his fingers through the fur. “I’m almost twenty years old. What twenty year old needs a stuffed animal?”
“Neil,” Andrew said, “No one is going to say anything okay? You know you’re going to sleep better in the hotel with it, you’ll be less anxious on the bus, so just bring it.”
Neil sighed. Andrew knew he was right. He usually was.
When Neil came to the Foxes he’d spent most of his time masking, trying not to stim in public. He was ashamed of being autistic. His mother made him think it made him weak, an easy target.
Andrew hated that she did that. He made sure to be extra patient with Neil, help him when he could. He let Bee talk his ears off for hours about autism just to learn more so he could be a better boyfriend.
He’d even picked up Sign Language with Neil for days when words were hard for the red head.
He watched his boyfriend now, full of tension on the bed.
“We leave in an hour. Why don’t we go for a run,” Andrew suggested, knowing that always helped his boyfriend relax.
Neil looked up at him for a minute before nodding and setting the dinosaur in his packed bag.
-
Neil sat in the back of the bus, clutching the dino.
For once he’d managed to nap on the bus ride to a game. Andrew tried to ignore his teammates, specifically Kevin, who whispered about Neil and his tufted Brachiosaurus.
“Kevin,” Renee scolded, looking over the back of her seat.
“What? He’s not a kid, he doesn’t need a fucking stuffed animal.”
“Kevin. Shut up for once in your fucking life,” Andrew snapped.
Neil stirred next to him. He frowned, shifting slightly in his seat. He watched him as he jolted awake, looking around in confusion. He found Andrew first, then the bright orange seats. He held the dino close.
“Neil?” Andrew asked quietly.
“Nightmare,” he signed.
Nicky chose that time to be his annoying self and be loud, startling Neil. He jumped, bumping into the window.
Andrew dug around in his pocket for a minute. He pulled out the earbuds and MP3 player, handing them over to Neil. Neil pressed play, stuffing them in his ears. He turned up the volume on his favorite songs, bouncing in his seat.
He ran his fingers through the dinosaur's fur.
Andrew leaned into the aisle, snapping a few times to get Nicky’s attention. He made a cut it out gesture, nodding toward Neil in the seat who was trying to calm down still. Nicky accused Aaron of being the one to make noise, which resulted in the cousin’s fighting.
Andrew rolled his eyes leaning back in the seat.
“Are you okay?” Andrew signed to Neil.
Neil nodded. “Can I hold your hand?” he signed.
Andrew thought about it for a minute. He held out his hand to his boyfriend. Neil pulled it close to him, holding on firmly.
He stopped petting the dinosaur to sign thank you. He continued to sit holding Andrew’s hand the rest of the ride. He kept his headphones on while they waited to check into their hotel rooms. They had a few hours until their game.
Nicky, Kevin, Andrew and Neil were all sharing a room. Neil sat on the bed, rocking a bit. He clutched the stuffed animal in his arms. He stared off into space and Andrew moved slowly around the room to not disturb him.
“Can you tell him that we have to get going?” Kevin asked impatient, pointing at Neil.
“Seriously? Why are you so insensitive,” Nicky hissed, hitting him on the back of the head.
Kevin turned to fight back, but Andrew was pulling them apart. “Stop it. Both of you.”
He turned his attention to Neil, waving to get his attention. Neil blinked, eyes refocusing. He looked up at Andrew.
Andrew signed that it was time to go. Neil nodded, setting his dinosaur on the bed, grabbing his bag.
-
After the game, Neil decided he wanted to shower back at the hotel. There weren’t stalls here like there were back home. Him and Andrew climbed in a cab and made their way back to the hotel.
“Do you want to shower first?” Andrew asked, opening up the door.
Neil shook his head. “You can go first. I’m gonna steal Kevin’s laptop and watch a video.”
Andrew snorted a laugh and shut the bathroom door. He left it partially open, a way of letting Neil know he could come in if he needed him. He stepped out of the small hallway where the bathroom and closet were and stopped.
His dino wasn’t on the bed.
He cursed under his breath and opened up his bag, Andrew’s back, looked under all the bed, opened up the closet. Where the hell was it?
His breathing was labored. He felt tears pricking his eyes. He knocked on the bathroom door.
“Andrew, Andrew, can I come in?” he begged, voice cracking.
The water turned off and a moment later, Andrew was opening up the door. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t find my dinosaur? Did you put it somewhere?” Neil sniffled, vision blurring.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“Hold on,” Andrew said, stepping back into the bathroom. He dried off quick and tugged on his boxers. He searched the room for Neil who sat on the bed, sniffling.
He tried to compose himself when the door opened and Nicky came in.
“Have you seen Neil’s dinosaur?” Andrew asked, looking under the couch.
Nicky shook his head. “It was on the bed, last I saw. You didn’t bring it to the arena?”
Neil shook his head no. He’d left it on the bed and now it was gone. What didn’t he understand?
“Room service didn’t come while we were gone, did they?” Nicky asked, setting his stuff down.
Andrew shrugged. “Can you call and ask?” he pointed to the phone, opening up the closet.
Nicky nodded, dialing the front desks number.
A moment later Kevin came in, looking around at his teammates in confusion.
“What the hell did I miss?”
“Neil’s dinosaur is missing,” Nicky explained. He sat next to Neil on the bed, letting Neil play with his jacket to stim. It was a similar material to the dinosaur: soft and fuzzy.
“He’s that upset about it?” Kevin asked.
Neil sniffled, shifting on the bed.
“Jesus Christ, here,” he fished the stuffed animal out of his bag and tossed it onto the bed. “God, it’s just a stuffed animal.”
Before Neil could process what was happening, Andrew had Kevin slammed into the wall. Nicky handed Neil the stuffed animal, getting up to stop Andrew.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Andrew yelled, slamming him against the wall.
He reached for his arm but froze when he realized he didn’t have his knives on him. They were in the bathroom.
“It was just a toy? He’s an adult, I don’t understand—“
“Try to understand, jackass! Take a psychology class, get your head out of your ass. It doesn’t affect his playing and it doesn’t affect you!” Andrew yelled.
“Andrew, Andrew. Not in front of Neil, come on. You know better. Go for a smoke break. Go,” Nicky said, pulling Kevin away from him.
Andrew huffed, tugging on his clothes and storming off. The door slammed and Neil flinched.
“Thanks, man,” Kevin said, patting Nicky on the back. Nicky pushed him back.
“No! Fuck you. Go sleep in Wymack’s room,” Nicky pointed to the door.
Kevin grumbled under his breath, grabbing his things. Nicky watched him go. He stood at the foot of Neil’s bed.
“I-I don’t know how to help,” he admitted, sounding defeated.
Neil nodded. “Can you get Renee? I’m going to shower,” he sniffled, taking the dinosaur in the bathroom with him.
-
When Neil emerged, Renee and Nicky were sitting on the couch, talking quietly. Renee perked up when the bathroom door opened.
“Hey, Neil. How are you?” she asked happily.
“Tired,” he said, sitting down on the bed. “Will you watch a movie with me until Andrew comes back?”
Renee nodded. “Of course, do you want me to sit with you?”
She pointed to the bed next to him.
He nodded. Eventually, he fell asleep, curled up in the bed.
-
When he woke up in the middle of the night, Andrew was laying awake next to him.
“Hi,” he said softly.
“Hey.”
“Are you okay?” Neil asked him.
Andrew nodded. “As long as you are.”
“I am. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Andrew managed to tell him.
Neil smiled. He curled up with his dinosaur next to his boyfriend, perfectly content.