Chapter Text
There were two different sides to Tsukishima Kei.
- A salty, bitter, cocky but can exceed every expectation, too smart for his own good and makes sure that you know it, arrogant in both a hot way and a way that makes you roll your eyes so far back that you get a headache, self-absorbed but for good reason, incredibly attractive middle blocker for Karasuno’s Volleyball Team.
- Yamaguchi’s Tsukishima Kei.
No one else has ever seen side 2 of Tsukishima Kei, thus, it doesn’t exist. How could it actually exist if the only person that knows about it doesn't even have the courage to vouch for it? As long as no one else is around, like, absolutely sure , that no one is around, then Tsukishima Kei is funny and flirty and kind . It doesn’t matter if he’s drunk, high, or sober, Tsukishima Kei is the same person as long as nobody is around except for Yamaguchi.
Yamaguchi has seen it far too many times, this side of Tsukishima. He knows it all too well. He also is painfully aware that he’s the only one that gets to see it. Even Tsukishima’s multiple girlfriends never got to see this completely different person. Why they were even with him without knowing how overly sweet and considerate he could be is beyond Yamaguchi, but it’s not his job to ask questions.
Honestly, he’s not really sure what exactly his job is. To take care of Tsukki? To make sure he’s around when Tsukki needs him? To share this secret alter-ego that no one else gets to know about? To be desperately in love with someone who doesn’t exist in real-life scenarios? It doesn’t matter, frankly, whether he’s firm in the role he plays or not, because he’s going to do whatever it is anyway.
Tonight, his job is to just be with Tsukki. It’s almost unnerving how quickly the two sides of Tsukishima can flitter back and forth, how seamless the transition is, and how unnoticeable any signs of Yamaguchi’s Tsukishima Kei are when he reverts back to “himself”.
Before they’ve even left to go to the party, Yamaguchi knows that he’s in for maybe the longest night of his life. Tsukki had been the one that wanted to go in the first place, telling him that they would have a good time, that Kuroo invited him and everyone was going to be there. He begged, pleaded, told him that he couldn’t go without him, that it wouldn’t be as fun, that there would be no point if Yamaguchi wouldn’t be his date. Of course, Yamaguchi agrees.
The hour that he spends at Tsukki’s house before making their way to the party is almost like every other time they’re alone. Almost. This time, Tsukki has already had a few drinks, pregaming while Yamaguchi stays sober like always. Tsukishima is whining some sentences about how Yamaguchi can’t leave his side tonight. This is normal. Tsukki often mumbled things like this before they actually got to the party and Tsukki would go off and do his own thing, but the words that follow after are much more direct than usual.
“Yams, whenever I’m not around, guys are always staring at you,” Tsukki narrows his eyes, just thinking about this fictitious scenario he’s created in his head. “So you have to promise to stay close, yeah? I don’t like the way they look at you like I want to look at you.” Yamaguchi wants to ask him why he can’t look at him like that if that’s what he wants to do, but he doesn’t, afraid of what the answer might be if Tsukki is too honest.
He knows that by the time they make it to the party, he’ll probably have forgotten all about this promise he’s nudging Yamaguchi into making, so he makes it to appease him. “Of course, Tsukki.” When that’s not enough, he continues on, offering a gentle smile to convince him, “Why else am I going if not for you?”
The corners of Tsukki’s mouth are pulled upwards creating one of the most beautiful sights Yamaguchi has ever seen. He wants to reach out and caress his cheek, but he knows that if Tsukki’s not the one to initiate it, he’ll pull away so fast that they’ll both get dizzy. So he sits, waiting patiently for Tsukki to finish his drink and make a move so that he can feel his touch.
It comes, obviously, once he’s set down the bottle, smirk still dancing on his face. Yamaguchi knows this situation all too well, knows Tsukki all too well, that of course, he knows what comes next. His lips taste like beer and his touch is more possessive tonight than most nights, but as an honest to God giggle bubbles up Tsukki’s throat, erupting from his chest, he can’t even be bothered to pay attention to anything else. He presses kisses into the side of Yamaguchi’s neck, laughing the entire time before pulling away completely, the coolness of the air taking place where Tsukishima’s body was just instants ago. He’s already putting on his shoes, his mind getting ready to change back over to his usual self the moment that he sees another person.
But for now… For now, he grabs Yamaguchi’s hand and leads him outside, handing him his car keys and letting his fingers linger for far too long.
Before they even get to the party, Tsukki is changing before his eyes. His giggles are getting deeper and fewer until he forgets what they’ve sounded like when it was just the two of them. His lips are changing from an upward curve to a straight line above his chin, his jawline strong from how hard he’s clenching his teeth together. It’s weird, though, because Yamaguchi knows that he typically stays the same until the last possible second.
Except this isn’t typical Tsukishima. This is still Yamaguchi’s Tsukishima Kei, but not the fun, flirty one. No, this is even rarer. Tsukishima’s staring out the passenger side window. He knows that as soon as they turn down the next street, he’s not going to have time to finish talking before he’s at the party, so he has to talk quickly.
“She broke up with me yesterday.”
Oh. Oh. That’s why they were going to this party. That’s why Yamaguchi is sober and driving an on-his-way-to-being-intoxicated-Tsukki to Kuroo’s party so urgently this weekend.
“Why?” Yamaguchi asks, but he already knows the answer. He always knows the answer. Tsukishima Kei, the one that actually exists, does not understand how feelings work. He doesn’t know, nor does he care, about anyone other than himself. His seemingly rigid exterior, though tempting to try to break down, is not just an exterior, but rather his entire body.
Tsukishima just shrugs, head pressed against the window, his shoulders softly bobbing up and down. Even if Yamaguchi were to take a picture of this moment, getting hard proof of the fact that Tsukki is crying, no one would believe him. They would sooner believe that this is an alien mimicking Tsukishima or that Yamaguchi had just gotten really good at photoshop.
But Yamaguchi knows it’s true. He reaches his hand over, placing it gently on his shoulder and rubbing his thumb in small circles until Tsukki sits up straight, leaning into his touch. “She doesn’t matter, Tsukki. Remember, I’m by your side all night, okay?” Tsukishima nods, placing a small kiss into the hand on his shoulder and Yamaguchi almost believes himself as he feels a small smile against the back of his hand.
Immediately after Tsukki’s door opens, his entire body changes. He’s back to looking like he’s never cried in his entire life like he’s far too good for something like that. Even still, he walks closely to Yamaguchi, glaring at anyone who stares. He’s not sure if he’s glaring because they’re walking closely or he’s worried about eyes lingering on Yamaguchi as he’d mentioned earlier.
Bokuto is the first person to notify everyone in the entire house that Tsukki is here. Hearing Yamaguchi’s nickname come out of his mouth and watching Tsukki not correct it has him already feeling defeated before the night even starts. “Tsukki’s here! Tsukki’s here! Kaashi! Tsukki’s here!”
“I see that, yes, Bokuto-san, Tsukishima is, indeed, here.” Akaashi nods at Tsukishima and then at Yamaguchi. Akaashi is seemingly the only person who notices that Yamaguchi is there as well. He’s sure this will be a common theme tonight.
“Kuroo! Tsukki is here!” Bokuto is now screaming with purpose, which is somehow worse. His head is swiveling viciously, looking 360 degrees around him. Even with his complete field of vision, it’s not until Akaashi rests his hand on his shoulder and points at the incoming Kuroo who practically jumps onto Tsukki’s back that Bokuto notices him.
“Tsukki! I’m so glad you could make it!” Kuroo’s face is completely lit up as his hands linger on Tsukishima’s shoulders as he talks to him.
Tsukki had never really fit in with anyone from Karasuno. Yamaguchi was basically his only friend there. He didn’t get along with Hinata or Kageyama or any of the 2nd or 3rd years. When they had gone to training camp, Tsukishima had finally met people that pushed him, that could keep up with him, that looked past all of his insane moodiness and just enjoyed his company. Yamaguchi didn’t see a lot of Tsukishima during that week.
Come to think of it, whenever Tsukki is around Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi, he never sees him much. When the three older guys aren’t around, Tsukishima isn’t with anyone other than Yamaguchi, sticking with him constantly as if he’s afraid of being alone, but when they’re around, Yamaguchi’s quietness and presence goes unnoticed. He’s used to feeling this small.
“What? Like I was going to miss a chance to come to your lame ass party? I would never,” Tsukishima rolls his eyes, clicking his tongue, but letting a cocky smirk rise on his face. Okay, usually , he’s used to feeling this small. His mind flashes back to mere hours ago when Tsukishima begged him to come with him because otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to go. Would he have gone anyways? Did Tsukki need him at all?
“Yams, you’re not drinking right?” As if he has to ask. He’s so confident in the response that he’ll get from Yamaguchi that before Yamaguchi can even think to answer, Tsukki is gone. He’s disappeared through the crowd of people, acting annoyed, but ultimately laughing, as Kuroo pulls him by the hand and Bokuto pushes his back.
It was a gamble, now, how the rest of the party would turn out. Most nights, Tsukki doesn’t even notice Yamaguchi until it’s time to go home. Instead, he spends his time with his older friend group, drinking, laughing, and acting like Tsukishima Kei acts when he’s not alone with Yamaguchi.
On these nights, Yamaguchi sits on an empty couch or up against a wall not crowded with people that are too loud and too much in his space. While Tsukki does things that you actually are supposed to do at a party, like enjoy yourself, Yamaguchi occupies his time with his rapidly dying phone, sneaking peeks at Tsukki as often as he can. When his phone dies completely, because it always did, they’re no longer peeks, but a subtle constant gaze. He watches intently, trying to look as unconcerned as he can fake as he counts the number of drinks that Tsukki finishes, hearing the encouragements from his friends as they hand him another one. The bigger the number, the needier he knows Tsukki will be when they get back to his place.
But on some rare nights, Tsukki will drag Yamaguchi along with him, pulling him through the hordes of people like Kuroo’s doing to Tsukki right now. His other friends don’t really pay much attention to Yamaguchi, they have nothing in common after all, but intermittently Tsukki will relate the conversation back to him, asking him about his opinion or if he remembers “that time when…” He looks forward to these nights.
On really rare nights, often when one of the Gym 3 members is absent and the dynamic of the 4 is gone, Tsukki will forgo his other friends all together. These nights are Yamaguchi’s favorite. The tiniest possibility of it happening drives his motivation for attending with Tsukki more than anything else. They sneak away from all of the noise that the party has to offer, climbing onto the back of the roof one night and walking a few streets down on another.
One night, they found themselves in an off-limit bathroom, crossing into the pristine portion of the house that was behind a locked door. Tsukki giggled as he muttered something about “should have hidden the key better then.” Yamaguchi giggled because Tsukki’s hand never left his waist despite the possibility of someone walking in on them and their intrusion. The bathroom looked untouched, two spotless sinks sat side by side, a lavish bathtub adorned with soaps and candles, an open shower, the head so large that it probably felt like it was raining underneath it, huge. Not that it mattered, any of it. It could have been an eighth of the size and they would have fit comfortably with how closely they were pushed up together. He remembers the taste of Tsukki’s lips so vividly, the feeling of his calloused hands underneath his shirt, the way his legs felt wrapped around Tsukki’s waist. His heart flutters at the recollection.
One look at Tsukki already finishing his first drink and he knows that he won’t be so lucky tonight. Tonight, he assumes, will fall under the most nights category. He knows exactly what’s going to happen, every event that’s going to unfold tonight. The first step is Yamaguchi finding a permanent place for the night. He could probably go and grab a soda from the kitchen if he was so inclined, but the thought of Tsukki leaving Yamaguchi’s sight worries him.
So he sits on the couch, watching Tsukki chug his drink far too quickly. Bokuto is cheering him on, laughing as his palm makes contact with his upper back. Akaashi pulls Bokuto away from Tsukki, resting a hand on Tsukki’s shoulder while he’s coughing. The entire time, Kuroo is holding his stomach, hyena-like laughter ripping from his throat so loudly that Yamaguchi can hear it over the blaring music. Through everything, a smirk resides on Tsukki’s face.
After alcohol, adequate amounts of alcohol , Yamaguchi knows that dancing comes next. It’s not really dancing, perse, but rather, Tsukki standing in the middle of the floor talking to Akaashi while the remaining duo dances with each other, circling them. When a notably great song comes on, Tsukki will start tapping his foot and bobbing his head.
So far, he’s right on track. Everything that’s happening right now, he’s seen before in his head barely two minutes ago. The next step is a divide between the group. It sounds worse than it is. It comes after several more drinks and too much “dancing” than it feels like Tsukki would be able to tolerate. It sounds like they get into a huge fight and storm off in different directions. What actually happens is Akaashi gets tipsier and tipsier as he sips on his drink and the dynamic shifts. What was previously Akaashi and Tsukishima dealing with Bokuto and Kuroo is now Akaashi hanging all over Bokuto, and Tsukishima complaining to Kuroo for the rest of the night.
Right on cue, Akaashi buries himself into Bokuto’s chest, his face is so red that Yamaguchi can see the color from all the way where he’s sitting without even trying. Here’s where the vision in his head, the prediction that he had for this night, falters just a bit. Akaashi pushes himself up, his mouth right next to his ear as he whispers something inaudible. Bokuto’s facial expression changes so quickly in a matter of seconds before he nods enthusiastically, grabbing Akaashi’s hand and leaving silently. Kuroo and Tsukki are talking about something so vividly that they don’t even notice their friends leave.
Kuroo notices first, stopping their conversation by wrapping his hand around Tsukki’s forearm and looking completely around him. They won’t find where they’ve gone too. Yamaguchi knows that they’ve slinked upstairs, probably to an off-limit room like Tsukki and he had all that time ago. Once the surprise and confusion leave their faces, it’s replaced with rapturous laughter. Kuroo first, emulating the same cackle from early. This, of course, causes Tsukki to hide behind his cup, laughing at how ridiculous Kuroo sounds. It’s just the two of them standing there in the spot that was once made for four, but they haven’t moved away from each other. Observing further, he realizes that Kuroo’s hand is still on Tsukki’s wrist and neither of them is complaining. Why isn’t Tsukki pulling away? If Yamaguchi’s hand had lingered that long, Tsukki would have pulled away in disgust with this many people surrounding them.
Tsukki doesn’t retract his arm from Kuroo. He offers his other one, resting it on top of Kuroo’s, fingers grasping around it gently to ensure they don’t move away. Their conversation is steady, getting quieter and quieter as time moves forward. Yamaguchi assumes that it gets quieter because they just keep getting closer to one another.
Tsukki does not even look in Yamaguchi’s direction. In fact, he doesn’t move his head at all. He doesn’t swivel his head anxiously to see who might be around or staring. Every move that he makes is so confident in itself, no hesitation slowing the movements. If the movements are slow, and some of them are, it’s because Tsukki’s making them slow, maybe to tease Kuroo or mock Yamaguchi or just because he likes to think he’s in control.
His sight is completely locked onto Tsukki as he drapes both of his arms around Kuroo’s neck, looking into his eyes the same way that he looks into Yamaguchi’s when it’s just the two of them. He’s starting to feel sick. He wants to look away. He needs to look away for his own sanity, but he can’t.
He can’t, not when Tsukki is blushing as Kuroo presses his nose into his neck, picking him up so easily. Yamaguchi could never do that.
Yamaguchi is waiting , waiting for Tsukki to squirm in disgust and hit Kuroo until he puts him down. He’s waiting for a squeal that signifies that he’s annoyed or a sharp jab of Kuroo’s name, waiting for Tsukki to turn his head so marginally that he can make eye contact with him. He doesn’t know if Tsukki can feel his gaze, but if he can, he doesn’t care. Yamaguchi doesn’t know which scenario is worse. Tsukki is focusing so earnestly on his every movement.
He’s waiting so long that it doesn’t even feel like waiting anymore. Tsukki doesn’t squirm in Kuroo’s arms, he holds onto his neck so tightly that Kuroo couldn’t put him down if he wanted to. (He obviously doesn’t want to.) Tsukki doesn’t squeal or jab at the fact that he can’t touch the ground, strong arms supporting him. When he finally does touch the ground, he pouts at Kuroo who teases him but makes up for it by tightening his grasp on his hips.
Every way that the night played out in his head, it ended with Yamaguchi taking Tsukki, in all of his intoxication and necessity, home safely.
Yamaguchi was convinced that the entire reason they were at the party was so that Tsukki could get drunk enough to justify a rebound. As soon as Tsukki told him that his girlfriend had broken up with him, he was positive that that’s how the night would end. He knows that Tsukki would have gone back to his room with him, crawled into bed, and started kissing him to make him feel better about himself. No matter how horrible it was for his own self-esteem, he would have preferred it every time to watching this scene develop in front of him.
The thought crosses his mind that maybe that’s what’s happening. Maybe Tsukki is just looking for a rebound that isn’t Yamaguchi.
But the look in his eyes, the way that he’s not trying to sneak away the first chance that he gets, the carelessness on his lips, the unwavering touch, they’re all proof that this probably isn’t just a rebound. This is a long time coming.
“Hey, staring isn’t very polite, y’know?” The voice startles him, but not as much as the weight on the couch next to him. He turns his head, admittingly more embarrassed than he thought he would be having been caught staring at this seemingly intimate scene.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, turning his head to look, instead, at the person that the voice is coming from. He’s met with soft eyes and a pouty looking smile, blonde hair half pinned up to the side of her head, and a phone resting in her hand that’s gesturing towards the view he was staring at, a tiny charm dangling back and forth as she moves the phone.
“No need to apologize to me,” she shrugs, pulling her phone back into her lap, no longer rudely pointing out where Yamaguchi’s eyes were fixated before her interruption. “I pointed it out, but, yeah, not me.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes are back toward Tsukki and Kuroo for a brief moment. He’s trying his best not to stare, especially after being called out. Kuroo makes it easy for him when he kisses the side of his cheek so blatantly and Tsukki doesn’t even flinch. His face contorts before turning his head back to the girl. “I’m Yamaguchi,” he says, moving the conversation forward, hoping that there are some grounds to distract himself from the events happening 20 feet away from him.
“You don’t seem like you’re having a very good time, Yamaguchi,” she’s shameless in her forward remarks. It’s true, anyway. Yamaguchi is definitely not having a good time. So he agrees with her, nodding his head and impatiently wanting to look back at Tsukki. “I’m Yachi, by the way.” She returns the introductions. She waits for a second, chewing on her lip in thoughtful abstraction. “If you’re not having a good time, we could leave.”
The astonishment is evident on Yamaguchi’s face as soon as the words register in his mind. Yamaguchi had never left Tsukki, not once, not even when he insisted on leaving with Kuroo, Bo, and Akaashi to get bagel bites from the store and didn’t return until 8 in the morning. He was there to look after him, to give him a ride home (as if he’ll need a ride home, it’s Kuroo’s house, after all) , to be his date . The word burns as it enters his mind. He’s nodding, a verbal confirmation leaving his mouth as Yachi’s face lights up. It’s not the worst thing in the world, leaving the party to go hang out with a pretty girl.
So why does it feel like it is?
He walks toward the door, following Yachi closely behind. He can’t stop his head from turning back, watching Tsukki one last time before not seeing him for the rest of the night. What he wanted so long ago, the tiny bit of eye contact, finally comes to him. Tsukishima is distracted by the confusion for a moment, Yamaguchi can see it in his body language. The first thing that Yamaguchi thinks is that he wants to stay, but Yachi has grabbed his hand, apologizing for the contact, but not letting go. His eyes are forward now, attempting to just stay focused on the task at hand, leaving .
The cool air outside is refreshing, filling his lungs with the only good breath he’s gotten all night. Yachi seems to be enjoying it too. As much as he likes looking at her, everything inside of him is screaming to check on Tsukki one more time. His neck itches, needing to turn back around, to gaze at him through the closed screen door, framed so perfectly by the metal and mesh.
Looking back, he’s expecting to see the concern on Tsukki’s face so deep that he has to turn back around and apologize and drive him home. Instead, he’s met with his profile pressed up against Kuroo’s, his hands snaking up to grasp the back of his neck and pull him harder into him. Their kiss is different from the ones that he got to experience. This one was unapologetic, loud, and so sure of itself . Neither one of them were going to shy away or regret what was happening, they look way too happy to. Kuroo is walking backward, pure instinct and trust guiding him until he’s at the base of the stairs, his hands gripped strongly onto Tsukki’s waist, pulling him with him. He can’t watch the scene any longer. His stomach and blurry eyes make sure of this.
“You coming?” Yachi asks, already twenty paces ahead of Yamaguchi. He takes in another great breath, nodding as he wipes his eyes on the back of his sleeve.
“Coming,” Yamaguchi calls ahead, walking as fast as he can to catch up with Yachi, but more so, to get as far away from Tsukki as possible.