Archive of Our Own

Liam’s house hasn’t felt right for a while. No matter what he does, he can’t get the feeling of ever-present unsettledness and dread out of the pit of his stomach. It just sits there like a stone inside him and is the elephant in every room of the house he walks into. It’s always worse at night too, when he’s supposed to be asleep and neither of his parents or any of his friends are there and distracting him.

The only thing Liam can hear at night now is the lack of something that’s supposed to be there, which is somehow harsher than anything else. In the room down the hall, he can hear the steady, slow heartbeats of his sleeping mother and stepfather. In the room right across from his, the one that used to be a guest room, Liam hears nothing at all. Usually at this time of night, he’d be able to hear Theo quietly moving around his room or at least hear his heartbeat, but he hasn’t heard that in days. 

Having one less person in the house is always kind of a shock to the system that no one expects until it happens, but Liam knows that’s not the only thing keeping him awake at night. It’s not only that he’s gotten used to Theo living with them and being there, it’s that it’s Theo, and as far as he’s concerned, Theo shouldn’t be anywhere but there. His mother goes on business trips sometimes, but Liam doesn’t feel nearly as empty and distracted without her as he is now without Theo. Theo’s absence makes it hard to concentrate on anything else, and it’s slowly pushing him down into a pit he can’t crawl out of.

And it would be one thing if he could leave his worries in the day and distract himself with sleep, but Liam’s so used to Theo being close that he needs to hear his heartbeat to drift off now. He tries listening to his parents’, but it’s not the same. The idle noise of Theo being there is gone, and it makes the house feel eerily quiet despite Theo only having lived with them for a few weeks. It takes him an extra long time to fall asleep each night, and even then, he keeps waking up and feeling off.

+++

Liam has hated the idea of Theo going away since it was brought up a week ago at their last pack meeting at Scott’s house. They’d been having those meetings just about every two weeks ever since they had their first impromptu one the morning after the Anuk-ite situation at the hospital just to check in with each other, so it had become kind of a regular thing over the end of the Spring and the beginning of Summer. Usually, nothing really happens at those meetings besides everyone talking to each other and making sure there weren’t any real threats, so Liam had been expecting the same thing last Saturday.

One second, he’d been talking to Nolan and Corey about summer lacrosse practices and what plays they should focus on. The next second, Scott rapped on the kitchen table with his knuckles to get everyone’s attention, and Liam had looked over to see him, Chris Argent, and Theo standing there, Argent with one hand on Theo’s shoulder. Liam’s heart had immediately plummeted when he saw the possessive grip Argent had on him. It looked weak enough not to be threatening, but strong enough to act as a silent warning for Theo to stay put. Considering the resigned but accepting look on Theo’s face, he hadn’t been planning on going anywhere anyway.

If that hadn’t been enough to set Liam’s protective instincts off, the words Scott and Argent said next certainly were.

Apparently, this “trip” had been discussed and decided on between the three of them without Liam’s knowledge for about a week before it was announced. For seven and a half whole days, Liam had lived blissfully unaware of the fact that Argent and Scott wanted to “take Theo away for a while,” which was exactly how Argent put it in his opening line. For seven and a half whole days, Liam hadn’t known that Argent and Scott were planning on taking Theo up to a cabin further up North in California, and when he found out about it, he’d been speechless.

They wanted Theo to “prove their loyalty to the pack,” as Scott said, which didn’t make Liam feel any better about it. While the first concerning line was delivered by Argent, who clearly hadn’t been worried about his words and the way they could be interpreted, Scott quickly followed up on his own statement with an explanation that really didn’t help much. For a few minutes after that, Liam had hung onto every (vague) word of Scott’s (vague) explanation while he worked on turning his brain back on to say something. 

It had taken him awhile to gain back the ability to speak, but as soon as he’d opened his mouth, Theo’s eyes had snapped over to his as if he had sensed that Liam was about to talk. He didn’t move or shake his head, but he had a sharp look in his eyes that told Liam not to get involved. He still doesn’t know why he shut up so easily and snapped his mouth shut, but he had still dug his claws into the soft parts of his hands to keep himself from protesting like he really wanted to.

The entire idea of taking Theo away to a cabin in Northern California to “prove his loyalty” paired with the vague and awful way it was elaborated on is still unsettling and wrong to Liam now that Theo’s been gone an entire week. As well as it being a generally bad idea, Liam is still strong in his belief that it’s completely unnecessary. In his opinion, Theo’s proven his loyalty at least ten times over by now, helping on minor missions to going as far as to save their lives. He’s really not sure what else Theo can possibly do to “prove his loyalty” to a pack that’s constantly beaten him down, or if there even is something beyond what he’s already done. Theo’s done enough already - there’s nothing more they can ask him to do to possibly prove something in his own head. All they have to do is trust that Theo is loyal, and if they can’t do that, Liam doesn’t think that should be Theo’s problem to deal with.

Liam just hopes that he isn’t having too bad of a time there. He’s in bed again, and he glances at his phone on the bedside table, but he makes himself look away. He’s already texted Theo tonight, so he can’t do it again.

Before Theo left, their text history had been pretty sparse. Most of it was just Liam reminding Theo of the times of pack meetings and dinners at the Dunbar-Geyer house, and the only responses he ever got were “ok” or nothing at all. Recently, they’ve been more than that with Liam checking in on him every night, but he doesn’t want to push too much further than that and bother him. He’s already afraid he’s too clingy to Theo, so as much as it hurts, he makes himself turn his phone off entirely to avoid temptation. 

+++

Eventually, Liam and Theo’s texts fall into a routine. Theo apparently notices that Liam has been asking how he is, so he starts to text first. Instead of Liam asking, he’ll just tell him how his day was and what’s happening in the cabin around the same time every night at ten or eleven. Liam will then respond with something just impersonal enough to avoid the possibility of things getting awkward, and then ask one question.

As much as he tries not to push, he worries. He never fails to ask Theo if he’s okay.

It’s just that Liam trusts Argent for about as long as he can throw him. The guy used to hunt werewolves both for his own safety and for sport, and as far as Liam’s concerned, he’ll probably always have that mentality somewhere in the back of his mind. He doesn’t understand how Scott, who Argent and his family relentlessly chased and tortured for years before Argent’s daughter died, can possibly look at Argent and fully trust him. Liam still makes sure not to stand too close to him in case he decides Liam’s a little too annoying and puts one of those big guns into use, so adding Theo - who has a rough past and an uncertain future - into that mix doesn’t sit well with him. Liam knows that if Argent had gotten to Theo first, he would’ve put him down in a second like a rabid dog. Seeing his hand on Theo’s shoulder like that and hearing him tell everybody they were “taking him away” had made Liam’s blood boil.

The only thing he’s calmed by is the fact that Scott is there, too. Liam would’ve made a lot more of a deal about it if Argent tried to take Theo alone, but Liam trusts Scott. Murder and torture are never things that he considers, so Liam’s confident that Scott won’t let Argent hurt him. He might weigh the pros and cons for just a second, but Liam knows he’d never actually let him. 

But he still worries. Even if Theo’s not being directly injured by Argent or Scott, everything else about the situation is seedy. Nobody ever explained what exactly they’d be having Theo do to prove himself, so Liam’s mind has been going wild trying to think of what they could possibly put him through. Sometimes he’ll have to stop himself from imagining Scott and Argent making Theo do things like walk over hot coals to prove his loyalty to them, but that among other less-direct torture tactics are some of the only things Liam can think of that could be used to “prove” anything.

He knows that Theo probably wouldn’t admit to Liam if he’s hurt either way, but he still asks anyway just in case. He finds different ways to word it every night, some of them more subtle than others. Sometimes, he’ll ask Theo if he’s okay, or if he’s feeling alright. Other times, on nights when Liam is particularly anxious, he’ll go with the direct “are you hurt” or “are they hurting you?” . No matter what he says, Theo replies saying he’s fine, and Liam just has to take his word for it. It’s hard, though.

Theo starts telling him what experiments they do each day, probably in an attempt to get Liam to quit asking if he’s alright. He tells him one night that they’ve mostly been asking him to demonstrate his full-shift, and they’ve asked him to tell them everything he remembers from when he was back with the Dread Doctors as a younger guy. (Liam wants to know about that too, more out of genuine curiosity and concern for what the hell happened to Theo back then, but he doesn’t ask.) One day, they even make him take a lie detector test using both Scott’s werewolf hearing and a polygraph machine. It’s all really anticlimactic compared to the terrible challenges Liam had thought Theo had in store for him, and it helps him calm down a lot. Still, he keeps asking Theo if he’s okay anyway, and Theo seemingly just comes to accept it and continues to assure him that he’s fine.

+++

Of course, it’s obviously not that easy to just let go even after most of his worry for Theo’s well-being fades away. That doesn’t change the fact that the house is still too empty without him in it. There’s still a box of Theo’s favorite fruit snacks in the pantry that Liam refuses to touch for when Theo gets back, an empty space in the breakfast nook and dinner table, and not enough heartbeats for Liam to hear in the background. Liam still can barely fall asleep knowing Theo isn’t in the next room, because he misses him. 

Only half of Liam’s trancelike state these past two weeks has been about his concern for Theo’s safety. The other half is nothing but selfish pining, the half that makes him curl up under the covers of his bed and think about him for hours on end. He can’t help it, not even if he tries.

In this case, absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. All Theo’s absence has done is make Liam’s heart ache with the feelings that were already bursting at the seams before that have become one-thousand times worse now that missing him is paired with them. There’s always a dull pain in his chest, a kind of heaviness he carries around like a weight all day when he walks around, but the worst of it comes and goes. Sometimes on particularly bad nights, he’ll miss Theo so badly that his heart hearts , and he takes the heel of his hand and presses down on his sternum so hard that the pain from the outside distracts him, even if only for a second, from what’s coming from within. 

Sometimes it’ll just hit him harder than other times that he really can’t walk over across the hall to go bother him like he used to. He can’t pad across the floor and open his door without knocking, and he can’t see Theo’s rolling eyes when he does. He isn’t able to see the smiles on his face that he always tries to hide when he’s trying to tell Liam he isn’t funny, and he can’t hear the laughter that bubbles up out of him against his will when Liam finally breaks him. It makes it feel worse that nobody, not even Argent or Scott, is sure of when he’ll be able to do all that again. 

Maybe Theo and Liam aren’t close in the same way as Mason and Liam are, since they don’t talk to each other constantly or in the same manner, but they’re still close. They’re close enough for a lot of the pack to have looked at Liam for his reaction when they all heard Theo was going away. They’re close enough for Liam to walk around the house aimlessly in hopes of finding something to do to distract him, and close enough that Liam’s mom looks at him sympathetically every time she sees him wandering around like he’s lost. One night, when he finds himself standing outside of Theo’s closed bedroom door without even remembering walking there, she sees him while she’s passing by and stops on her way to just wrap him up in a hug. They’re close enough that his mom’s reassurances that things will get better fall on deaf ears, since he feels completely hopeless without Theo around.

The only thing he can do is replay the old memories he has of Theo. It’s as if Theo died, the way Liam reminisces about him. He’s not supposed to have to look for old memories to keep Theo’s face in his mind, but he has to.

Liam’s in the middle of zoning out to one of those memories, staring at the ceiling, when his phone vibrates and jolts him out of the state he’s in. He scrambles to grab it off the side table and unlocks it so quickly he gets the passcode wrong twice with his shaky fingers. 

Tonight is a particularly bad night for missing Theo.

Theo (10:38 PM): I’m back at the cabin. Things were okay today.

Liam can’t help but sigh with relief at seeing Theo’s name on his screen and goes to type a response right away.

Liam (10:39 PM): good
Liam (10:39 PM): anything happen today ?

The ‘read’ receipt pops up a few seconds before the typing bubble does, so Liam’s afraid at first that he’s not going to get an answer, but Theo was just thinking over what he wanted to say. His next message pops up soon after, and Liam’s eyes trace each word like it’s sacred text.

Theo (10:41 PM): Not particularly. Nobody had any plans for me today.
Theo (10:41 PM): I dropped one of Argent’s coffee mugs this morning so that probably didn’t earn me any points, but I’m okay.

At Theo’s joke, Liam has a reaction that some or most might call hysterical. He barks out a quiet laugh right into his room, and before he knows it, he’s typing again. The humor in Theo’s message finally compels Liam to break the unintentional format that their messages have been taking on, and he fires off two texts before he can change his mind about them.

Liam (10:43 PM): good
Liam (10:43 PM): remember that time in the elevator ?

Liam grins like an idiot when he gets Theo’s response.

Theo (10:44 PM): Which one?

Liam (10:44 PM): hunters

He laughs again, more out of wonder and happiness than actual humor, when he reads what Theo says next. 

Theo (10:45 PM): Yeah. It was just one of the many times I saved your ass.
Theo (10:45 PM): How could I forget?

He’s just been reminiscing so much that he needs Theo to do it too, and knowing that they’re both thinking about the same thing makes Liam way happier than it should. Like the lovesick idiot he is, his thumbs are back on the keyboard to type more before he can even fully process the words from Theo’s last messages in his head, biting his lip on a smile as he does it. 

He wishes he would’ve broken the three-messages-a-night routine before, since this is so much better. This way, he gets to read Theo’s messages and really see the personality behind them, and for the first time in awhile, it’s like they’re actually having a conversation instead of going through the motions. Theo responds within seconds to each one of Liam’s equally quick texts, but they still go at it for hours. They talk about the hospital with the hunters and then Scott’s house the morning after. Branching off on the Scott subject, Liam gets to learn in a little more detail about the cabin Theo is staying in. Theo even sends pictures of his room, and from multiple angles. It’s nothing special or anything, but the bed looks comfortable enough, and Liam’s glad to know that even though Theo would rather not be there, he doesn’t feel imprisoned. Liam’s actually more concerned about Theo getting bored now. Apparently, since Theo had told the truth in all his lie detector trials and was willing to give information to them about the Dread Doctors, they’d seemingly kind of run out of things to do with him. It’s basically just answering whatever random supernatural question Scott thinks of and watching Argent look at him like he’s trying to find something to be upset about. 

When Theo finally says that he’s tired and he should get to bed, it’s when they’ve spiraled into comparing Argent to different animals, so Liam doesn’t feel like the conversation is cut short. They end it with two “goodnight” texts, and Liam falls to sleep holding his phone against his chest. For once, he feels light and more alive as he drifts off.

+++

Those conversations don’t happen every night, and they make Liam feel a lot better when they do, but life still has to go on while Theo’s away and Liam’s in a constant state of disarray because of it. He still has the responsibilities he had in school and with the pack to take care of from before Theo, Scott, and Argent took off, but they’re a lot harder to bring himself to do now.

He doesn’t ever feel like going to meetings with the pack if he knows Theo isn’t going to be there, and he doesn’t feel like talking to a whole bunch of people for an hour and a half when he’d rather be at home talking to one specific person. Their lives are going on just fine while Theo and the others are gone, even Malia’s, since she isn’t nearly as clingy to Scott as Liam would be to Theo, so they talk about things Liam now has no interest in. He tries to be present and talk to everyone about things like TV shows and rumors and things, but his mind is elsewhere, and pretending to engage gets exhausting and frustrating after awhile.

Lacrosse practice is usually where he’d get that frustration out, but he doesn’t feel like being there either. Summer practices are all hot and sweaty, so he can’t help but wish he were in clean clothes with his phone in his hand instead of there whenever he’s out on the field. He’s also the co-captain with Nolan, who gets on his nerves a little with his conflicting calls and coaching, and on top of all that, they have to work with some of the incoming freshmen who want to try out for the team in September. Liam keeps getting flashbacks to himself as a freshman on the Beacon Hills lacrosse field, and now that he sees just how annoying cocky fourteen-year-olds are, he really doesn’t blame Scott and Stiles for putting him in the emergency room for getting too confident. Every time one of the borderline children does something like smirk or laugh at somebody else, he has to remind himself it isn’t socially acceptable to do the same thing Scott and Stiles did to him and tackle them to the ground.

It’s really a miracle that Liam doesn’t have any episodes where his IED acts up or he can’t control the shift. With so many annoying people around him and the irritation slowly building inside him every day, he worries sometimes that he’s going to lose control, but he never does. He might come home feeling like a ball of tension, but by the time he gets into bed and sees a new text from that certain someone, he feels infinitely better.

Ever since that night he decided to bring up the elevator, their conversations have gotten longer and more entertaining. They’ll talk about anything and everything together when they both get on their phones and into bed for the night, and Liam feels his stress start to melt away with each word he reads from Theo. Even the two of them being angry and disgusted together at the political climate of today somehow calms Liam down, since pretty much any word Theo could say would get him feeling better.

Talking, much less texting, isn’t a part of the anchor bond that Liam had accidentally formed with Theo a few months back. He’s always needed Theo physically there with him, or at least the knowledge that Theo was close by, in order to calm him down from an episode where he thinks he might lose control. Texting Theo from miles away doesn’t help that part of him.

Texting Theo from miles away offers a relief that’s purely human. Maybe texting Theo doesn’t help the half of him that’s more animal, but it helps the human half that wants to hang on to and cherish every word Theo says, and that’s enough of a mix that Liam stays under control. Theo soothes both sides of him. He knows that this means he is completely, royally fucked, but he doesn’t even mind it. 

+++

Theo and Liam go over their memories together a lot. Sometimes they talk about the high-risk, life-or-death situations they’ve found themselves in. Other times, they talk about calmer, more run-of-the-mill things like the time Liam dropped an entire bowl of cereal on the floor right in front of Theo and he never let him hear the end of it. Stuff like that comes up every night. Of course, Liam never mentions that he thinks pretty much all of these memories would be made better if one of them had just nutted up and kissed the other, but then again, Liam doesn’t mention a lot of things.

He definitely doesn’t mention the other side of what happens in his head at night, no matter if Theo’s away or not. That sounds dirtier than it is, promise. Okay, maybe there’s the occasional sex dream mixed in, but Liam thinks that that the sappy shit he thinks on the daily would be a billion times more embarrassing than his sex fantasies if his friends somehow found out about it. 

Liam thinks about Theo in a way that he’s never thought about anyone before, and he’s had crushes and an actual girlfriend in the past. He’d never spent nights lying awake thinking about all of the things he and Hayden could do if they were together before they were, and even after they got together, it wasn’t a lot. Sure, a commitment-loving guy like Liam has definitely had moments of thinking about Hayden in a pretty white dress once or twice, but that’s the bigger picture. With Hayden, he’d never gotten his own heart racing by thinking about the simple things. With Theo, it’s a daily occurrence. 

When he thinks of Theo, he does see the bigger picture with a hypothetical wedding, but the difference is that Liam thinks of Theo more often as a person and not a hypothetical. He thinks about Theo being right there next to him, standing close enough to brush shoulders with, and that’s enough to get butterflies in his stomach. He thinks of Theo talking to him and giving him one of those little half-smiles he does when he’s trying not to show how amused he is. He thinks of Theo being there when he gets home, waiting on the bed for him, even just fully clothed - that’s one of Liam’s favorites, actually, and the one he comes back to a lot. 

Theo doesn’t run as warm as full-blooded werewolves do, but he’s still much warmer than the average person, and he has the werewolf scent to make up for the little bit of disconnect. Liam’s always drawn in by it, but hasn’t ever acted on it past a brush of their shoulders on the couch or an “accidental” kick under the table. In his daydreams, however, he’ll crawl into bed and Theo’s already there. Liam wants to lay his head on his chest, listen to the steady thump of his heartbeat, hear Theo’s raspy voice sounding even more intense but soft above him as each word vibrates through his chest, wants to feel Theo and how warm and perfect and just there he is underneath him. He wants to do what he sees in his dreams, but he could never tell Theo that.

That’s the sobering reality of it. Absence may not make the heart grow fonder in Liam’s case, but it certainly has made him more prone to fantasizing as if all of this has already happened. He has to remind himself after a while that it hasn’t, and that when Theo gets back, it’s not a thing that’s going to happen. He has to remind himself not to start looking forward to things like cuddling with Theo like that, remind himself that they’re not real and that Theo probably wouldn’t want it if he tried to make it real.

At least Theo will be back in a few weeks, tops. He doesn’t think that he has much longer up in the cabin, based on what he’s been hearing of Theo’s boring days of sitting around waiting. He’ll be back in the room across the hall and his heartbeat will be back, so even if he won’t be in Liam’s room and Liam will have to hear that heartbeat from across the hall instead of right on his chest, Liam will still know he’s there.

Theo (11:56 PM): If I can say anything about Chris Argent, he makes pretty decent macaroni and cheese. It’s not as good as your mom’s, but it’s still nice.
Theo (12:24 AM): Did you fall asleep?
Theo (12:24 AM): That’s okay, it’s late. Goodnight, Liam.
Theo (12:25 AM): I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

+++

Theo hasn’t texted, and Liam’s kind of spiraling. And by kind of, he means completely. His mother has already offered to give him one of her anti-anxiety meds twice just so that he’ll stop pacing around the house because of one late text, but she doesn’t get it, so he just has to be confined to pacing around his room instead. The claustrophobia of walking around his bed in a semicircle isn’t doing anything to help him, especially because he has his phone sitting in the middle of his bed, the screen never lighting up with a notification. He gets one once, but it’s from a mobile game he hasn’t played in months, so he tosses his phone back down onto his bed and stifles a groan in the back of his throat.

What if he was wrong about Theo’s safety? What if something happened to him there and now Liam has no way of knowing? Did Argent and Scott get tired of him and decide they were ditching the moral code? Did something happen to all three of them up there? God, what if they never come home? Melissa will be out a partner and her son, the pack will go without an alpha, and Liam will lose the love of his life. Oh God, what if Theo never comes home? What if Theo never comes home, and the last thing Liam has of him is a text promising to talk to him later? 

He chews his nails, and then when that’s not enough, he tries to chew his non-human nails, which doesn’t work. Not being able to bite something off and distract himself anymore is the final straw, and Liam snatches his phone off his bed. If Theo’s not going to text first, Liam will just have to.

Liam (1:47 AM): hey, are you okay ????

Liam just about goes out of his mind waiting for the ‘read’ notification to pop up underneath his message, and when it does, he’s immediately relieved. However, he doesn’t get much time to calm himself down and bring himself back to Earth, because Theo’s contact picture pops up on his screen - he’s skipping the text back and calling Liam instead. Liam swipes the ‘accept’ option and shoves the phone up to his ear.

“Oh my God-”

“I know, it’s late, I’m sorry,” Theo apologizes while Liam tries to catch his breath. “Something happened and I got banged up. I was asleep.”

Liam shakes his head frantically even though Theo can’t see him, ignoring his apologies. He’s just so fucking relieved to hear Theo’s voice, both because he hasn’t heard it in almost two months and because he wasn’t sure if he was going to ever hear it again, that he’s kind of dizzy with it. He also needs to know what the hell “happened,” and now. “What-”

“It’s fine, it’s handled. Some other pack got word of where we’re staying and decided to pay us a visit. For once it was nothing with me and Scott, it was about something Argent did to one of them back when he was a hunter, so we just did what we could to get them away. Nobody’s dead.” Theo adds on the last part with so much emphasis that Liam knows what he’s really trying to say - ‘I didn’t kill anyone’ - not that Liam would’ve thought he’d do that in the first place. 

Liam tries to breathe, his heart just now starting to go back to a normal, healthy-ish pace. “A-are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Just some cuts and scratches, but they’re mostly healed,” Theo says, and Liam lets out a huge rush of air in a sigh. He can’t believe he’s really hearing Theo’s voice again, and that’s clouding his judgement - he can hardly register what words he’s saying. He knows he’s saying things that should make sense, but Liam’s brain is a mess of ‘theotheotheo’ so it’s taking him longer to figure out everything else through that. “Like I said, it’s been handled, but we’re probably not staying much longer. Argent doesn’t want to stay and find out if Scott’s little attempt at a peace treaty will actually work, and I’m pretty sure they’re out of ideas for me anyway.”

Liam can’t help it; he starts to tear up. Theo’s coming home, Theo’s coming home, Theo’s coming home. Liam takes in a deep, shaky breath that he knows Theo can hear through the phone, and he speaks with a voice that wavers helplessly. “Good,” He chokes out, shutting his eyes tightly against his tears. “...I miss you.”

He hears Theo take in a sharp breath over the phone. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Liam bites his lip almost hard enough to bleed and stares upwards at the ceiling as he waits, trying not to let his tears fall.

“I…” Theo trails, his voice sounding soft and taken-aback in a way that makes Liam’s heart ache. “...I miss you too.”

Liam falls back on his bed and shuts his eyes tightly, needing to get a hold of himself before he says anything else so that he doesn’t sob into the phone. His chest hurts and his throat is still tight when he forces himself to say something, keeping his eyes shut as he speaks. “...Remember when we went to the park that one time?”

Liam remembers.

Of all the things they’ve shared, their night at the park is probably one of the best memories Liam has with him. The night of the Anuk-ite, most of the town was either out shooting or under lockdown in their homes, so the night was eerily quiet and the park was completely empty. That was what had drawn Liam to it. He’d found Theo outside the hospital once everyone started to leave, wandering around like he was sort of lost, and he’d dragged Theo by the wrist all the way there with him. After all of that, they’d needed a quiet place.

They sat in front of the lake for hours that night, just watching the white moon reflect in the ripples in the water. Liam doesn’t remember a word they said to each other that night, but he’s pretty sure they didn’t say anything, anyway. They’d barely even looked at each other. All they’d done was sit quietly, keeping their eyes trained on the lake while they tried to get their heads to process what had happened mere hours before. 

Even through all of that, Liam had been itching then to reach out and take Theo’s hand where it was planted in the grass, lean over just a little and connect their lips, but he hadn’t, and he can’t really bring himself to regret it like he can with the other times he had the chance. He just didn’t want to mess up the peaceful silence, and he’s glad he didn’t. They’d needed a moment away to just stare off into space with someone close by, that was all.

“Yeah,” Theo says, sounding a little surprised that Liam remembers and that he chose to bring it up. 

Liam swallows down nothing, heaving in another shaking breath. “When you get back, we’re going to do that again,” He says firmly, his voice only shaking a little. “Don’t let me forget.”

+++

Theo takes in a sharp breath and his eyes get just a little bit wider when Liam finally gets his hands on him, but Liam can’t stop. His hands cup Theo’s cheeks, looking and feeling for any possible signs of injury, even though he knows he won’t find any. All that’s underneath his palms is smooth, healed skin, and his fingertips are tickled by soft hair that’s grown a little longer since Liam saw him last. Theo, while slightly tense and surprised at his touch, is just as perfect as when he had left him.

Liam had been trying to distract himself before Theo got home, trying to make sure he wasn’t going to pounce on him as soon as he got through the door, but obviously, that hadn’t worked out. As soon as Liam had heard the key turn in the lock, he’d basically flung himself down the stairs, just barely managing not to concuss himself when he missed the last step, and he’d been in front of Theo in an instant. He’s still there now, with his heart pounding with excitement and concern and love, and he feels almost like he’s drowning.

The pads of his thumbs brush over each of Theo’s cheekbones, still desperately trying to search for cuts and bruises and the proof that Theo is really there, but his brain still can’t process it. He smells Theo’s scent and feels him under his fingers, but as his eyes rush to look at everything all at once, he can’t get a good grip on it. One hand, without meaning to, slips lower on his face so that his palm cups Theo’s jaw. His thumb lands squarely in the middle of Theo’s plush bottom lip, and Liam can’t stop himself from brushing it right along the curve.

Theo’s lips part just the slightest bit, words clearly dying on the tip of his tongue as Liam touches, and Liam’s eyes snap up to his for the first time. What he sees there is everything he’s ever wanted to and still not enough. Theo’s always been so guarded that even now he doesn’t know for sure what he’s thinking, but Liam thinks he can make his assumptions.

His green eyes blown wide and shiny, his pupils so much bigger than Liam’s ever seen them, and Liam notices the uneven pace of his heartbeat. 

It takes one shaky, warm breath that Liam feels against the pad of his thumb for Liam’s body to knock itself into motion. He thinks, just briefly, that maybe was wrong, maybe he can have this, and it’s too late to go back. The hand on his mouth falls back to cup Theo’s cheek and the fingers of his other hand go to tangle in the hair on the back of Theo’s head, and before either of them have any time to think any further, Liam crushes their mouths together hard enough that Theo staggers back.

Theo struggles to regain his balance for a second, but it takes him even less time to get with the program and kiss Liam back. As soon as Liam feels his lips glide with his own, he lets out a broken, helpless noise in the back of his throat that repeats itself when Theo wraps both of his arms around Liam’s back to tug him in closer. The grip Theo has on him is tight enough that their bodies are curving to try to touch from head to toe, their legs tangling together as they try to get everything they can. They fall back against the closed front door, but Theo doesn’t stop kissing him even as his head knocks back against wood.

Liam is dying .

Liam is dying right here in the living room as Theo kisses him, and is dying when they break apart. Their foreheads rest together as they share the same air, coming in and out as pants and heaves. Liam only gets to open his eyes for a second, and it’s to see Theo leaning right back in to connect their lips again.

Liam had imagined their first kiss going in any number of ways, but none of them had involved Theo being so quick and ready about it like he’s thought this over just as much as Liam has. Theo’s tongue swipes across his bottom lip and Liam lets him in without hesitation, borderline whimpering at the first feeling of their tongues tangling together. He has to abandon his grip on Theo’s face and hair so that he can hold himself up on Theo’s shoulders, because his knees are quickly going weak at the sensation. His brain screams Theo’s name, his heart soars, the butterflies in his stomach go to riot, and Liam just barely manages to fight past all of those overwhelming powers to guide them over to the couch.

While he has the clearheadedness to stumble backwards and pull Theo with him, he doesn’t have the grace. The second time they break apart, it’s because the back of Liam’s knees hit the edge of the couch and they’re sent backwards. Liam lands half laying-down and Theo’s quick enough to push himself up so he doesn’t crush Liam on his way down, not that Liam would complain about that. He looks up at Theo, heart beating a mile a minute, and realizes that Theo is on top of him and looking down at him with another one of those unreadable looks in his eyes.

It’s like Liam can see the gears turning in Theo’s head as all of the questions start to formulate, so for a few intense seconds, Liam stares up into his eyes and silently asks him what he’s thinking. He doesn’t find out. Something subtle shifts in Theo’s expression when he finally decides on something in that complicated mind of his, and Liam watches with held breath as Theo starts to move.

Slowly, he reaches up to tuck a piece of hair back off of Liam’s forehead, and everything Liam’s built up over these past few weeks positively shatters. 

Theo’s eyes widen again when Liam pulls him down and locks him in a vice grip. He buries his face into the space between Theo’s neck and shoulder, inhales deeply, and shudders as a warm, secure feeling floods through him all at once. If the way Theo is shaking against him, he feels it, too.

“Tomorrow,” Liam croaks against Theo’s skin, then pulls away just enough so that he can look into Theo’s eyes when he realizes these are the first words they’ve shared today. “We’re going back to that park.”

Theo’s eyes slip down to his lips for just a split second, but he nods and meets Liam’s eyes again.

“We can do that.”

+++

Beacon Hills Memorial Park looks a lot different in the daytime. The ducks are awake and swimming in the pond unknowing of what beautiful memory they’re about to become a part of, and a few people walk around on the other side of the lake, but for the most part, Theo and Liam are still alone.

They sit right in front of the water and watch the ducks flip their feet around and make waves, quiet as they were the first time. Their silence is so much the same but still so shockingly different than it had been the first time around; no words are spoken, but this time, they really don’t need to be.

When Liam wants to, he places his hand over Theo’s and intertwines their fingers. His hand is warm and soft in his own, and he can’t help but give it a small squeeze. 

It’s enough to break the spell, but just barely. Theo looks at him a second later, then without saying anything, moves in smoothly to press a firm and warm kiss to Liam’s mouth, one hand reaching around to cup Liam’s jaw. It’s all Liam can do not to completely melt like he had yesterday morning, and the arms holding him up feel a little wobbly. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that.

For all of the time that Theo and Liam have missed each other and the sound of each other’s voices, they still don’t need to talk. Instead, Liam puts his head on Theo’s shoulder and revels in the feeling of Theo resting his head right on top of his. Theo squeezes his hand, Liam catches the gentle noise of a steady heartbeat, and they fit together like pieces of a battered but beautiful puzzle.

There are still questions that go unanswered and things that need to be said, but Liam is saving those for later; For the first time in weeks, months, maybe his entire life, Liam is content.

Theo is there, and that’s all he’s wanted for as long as he can remember.