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Being able to hold people close has always been a privilege, or it certainly feels like it has been. It’s a privilege I’ve always seemed to avoid like a cat in an ocean. It’s not that I’m aware I’ll be hurt, but everyone seems to enjoy blatantly lying to your face once they get close to you. At least it really does feel like that.
Allison thinks it’s a result of an incident in 2019, though I have no clue what she’s talking about. As if I was never a people person, rather a people pleaser. It always sounds like it.
Sissy seems to think. She always brings it up when we're sitting on the porch or when we're on the floor of the kitchen when we’re alone. She likes to tell me that I have to break out of my shell… easy for her to say when she actually knows what kind of shell she actually has. It’s odd, to say the least. She cares a lot and I know she does. But it’s kinda hard when you have no idea who you are and impossible to bond over things you don’t remember about yourself. I can’t hold people close… I don’t hold people close. It makes it easier for them to hurt you.