Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hinata first felt the petals during a practice game. 

He wasn't exactly sure what brought them about, perhaps it was the feeling of sudden happiness when Kageyama sent a toss his way, or the way Kageyama looked as he jumped to send said toss. He wasn't even sure why he was confident it was Kageyama that made him feel that way.

But as he spiked the toss, a burning sensation in his lungs became overwhelmingly apparent. He felt roots growing in his lungs, increasingly getting larger as he looked over to Kageyama’s excited face, still in the moment that Hinata had spiked the ball. He looked so happy that Hinata couldn't help but smile at the sight, he didn't think stupid Kageyama would ever pull that face when they did one of their quick attacks.

He felt the roots growing more and more as he struggled to breathe, his team still processing the quick attack. He was happy they didn't focus their attention on him, Hinata really didn't want his teammates to know that he was struggling to breathe because of roots growing in his lungs. He wasn't even sure if they were even roots or if he was going through something else entirely.

He jogged off the court as Coach Ukai called a break, scrambling desperately for his water bottle. Hinata chugged water down his dry throat, hoping the roots would leave. He didn't even know why they were growing in the first place.

It couldn't have been Kageyama. Why was he even the first culprit Hinata thought of? It could’ve been Yachi, but she wasn't at practice that day, she was busy helping her mother out with something. It could've been Tsukishima for crying out loud.

“Oi, dumbass, you're gonna choke,” Kageyama said, walking up to Hinata and flicked his forehead as lightly as possible.

Hinata glared at Kageyama, letting water trickle down his chin as he pulled the water bottle away, feeling the roots in his lungs continue to grow. “Shut up,” he remarked. “I’m tired, let me drown myself in water.”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow. “You're tired? From one set?”

Hinata felt the roots strengthen, sending him into a small coughing fit. He watched as Kageyama looked at him curiously, recovering almost as fast as he started coughing. “I didn't get that much sleep last night, stupid. Not everyone is a machine like you,” Hinata decided to say, hoping Kageyama wouldn't catch on that it was an excuse.

All Kageyama did was nod, frowning. “If anything, Tsukishima is more of a machine than the two of us combined.”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “He’d kill you if he heard that.”

Kageyama looked over to the other side of the gym, watching Yamaguchi poke Tsukishima’s abdomen. “Would he, though? I don't think he’d be strong enough to even attempt to kill me.”

“You're wrong, Kageyama. You’d probably die if someone touched you with a sharpened pencil,” Hinata said, sticking his tongue out. He bit back an incoming cough, knowing that his lungs were seriously starting to get overrun by roots that would eventually turn into flowers.

Kageyama rolled his eyes, looking at Hinata in disbelief. “I’m the wrong one here?”

Coach Ukai called the team back to continue the practice game before Hinata could respond, Kageyama letting the question simmer in the air. Hinata put his water bottle down, feeling the roots inside his lungs continue to grow. He looked over to find Daichi or Suga, feeling small buds start to grow. It shouldn't have been happening that fast, and Hinata wasn't even sure why they were–

“Dumbass, what are you just standing there for?” Kageyama flicked Hinata’s forehead, Hinata looking up as his eyes widened. “We have to win the second set, too.”

Hinata felt something burst, whether it be his heart beating fast against his chest or the flower that all of a sudden decided to grow, he wasn't sure. All he could do was bite back coughs erupting from his chest, staring straight at Kageyama, his icy eyes pierced into Hinata’s gaze, looking at him with a small scowl. 

He felt his heart beating faster as they stared at each other longer, Kageyama clearly waiting for a response to his question. Hinata couldn't answer it, so he walked onto the court, Kageyama on his tail. He was afraid to open his mouth, unsure of what would come out. Would it be words, or petals that spoke more than what he could say?

Karasuno’s captain filled his vision, Hinata couldn't be more thankful than he was that second. He had forgotten Daichi was on his team for the practice game, his thoughts preoccupied by the roots seemingly growing in his lungs.

And now, one flower that started to bloom.

“Daichi-san?” Hinata asked, purposely making his voice smaller than usual so Kageyama wouldn't hear. He needed to get out of the gym, he didn't want to worry anyone.

Daichi looked down at Hinata, noticing his tone. “Is everything alright, Hinata?”

Hinata shrugged, making eye contact with Daichi. “I… I don't feel well. I can't…” Can’t hold it in anymore, was left unsaid, Hinata feeling a petal rise up from his chest.

Daichi–bless his soul– nodded, calling over Sugawara. Sugawara jogged to them from the other side of the court, smiling at Daichi. “What's the hap, cap?”

“First of all, don't ever say that again,” Daichi growled. “Second of all, Hinata doesn't feel well. Can you take him outside? Maybe he needs fresh air.”

Hinata watched Sugawara grab his shoulder, his smile slowly turning into a frown as he looked at Hinata. “Are you okay? Do you wanna skip practice today? I’m sure Coach Ukai wouldn't mind if you went home.”

He shook his head, not trusting his mouth at the moment, when he saw Kageyama from the corner of his eye, putting a volleyball away. Kageyama looked at him, his eyebrows scrunched up, but not scowling like he was mad. It was almost as if he was worried.

Hinata gagged, feeling a petal in his throat. This was not happening right now. Sugawara immediately told Daichi he’d be back, dragging Hinata outside.

Once a safe distance away from the gym, Hinata started coughing. Sugawara rubbed his back, whispering things like “it’s okay” or “you're doing great, Hinata” and Hinata wasn't sure if it was helping. He was grateful Sugawara was there, though.

His coughing fit continued, Hinata feeling the petals in his throat. He couldn't breathe, having no solution but to keep forcing the petals out.

“S-Suga-san–” He rasped, before choking on a petal and coughing once more, holding onto Sugawara for stability. Sugawara continued to rub Hinata’s back, watching as three petals flew from Hinata’s mouth, stained in blood.

Hinata swayed, closing his eyes and falling into Sugawara’s chest as he sat down, feeling the ground beneath him. He panted, desperately clinging onto Sugawara while gasping for air.

“Hinata…” Sugawara whispered. “Look. At the petals.”

Hinata opened his eyes, dizzy from the lack of air. He looked to the ground, blood splatters near his feet. The petals, although stained with his blood, were red. They aren't rose petals, Hinata thought, knowing exactly what kind of petals they were.

He had a feeling Sugawara knew, too. “Alas for my heart, my heart aches,” Sugawara whispered, looking at the petals.

“Red carnations,” Hinata managed to say, still breathing heavily. “N-Not roses. Not love.”

Sugawara nodded. “You realize what this means, right?”

Hinata hummed in response, straining his eyes to look at his upperclassman. “H-Hanahaki…”

“That's right, there's someone out there who doesn't return your love, so your body reacts by making flowers grow in your lungs, eventually killing you,” Sugawara said, smiling. It was a sad smile, one that meant nothing but sympathy. “I have a feeling you know your options. Do you know who's making you feel this way?”

Hinata shook his head, because no he wasn't sure, but he was almost confident it was Kageyama. There was no one that could make him feel so whole when they sent a toss to him. Kageyama felt like his other half, his partner, the only person he’d ever want to share the court glory with.

“I have a few guesses,” Sugawara said. “But you have a person in mind, don't you? Someone that makes you feel invincible.”

Hinata nodded. He saw his vision go blurry with tears threatening to come down. It couldn't be Kageyama. It can't be, why would it be? Hinata didn't even think he was attractive.

But, his scowl is kind of cute. And so is his frowny face. And his hair. And his eyes are so blue.

Hinata froze. 

It was Kageyama, and he could tell Sugawara realized it, too.

He was sent home after that, Sugawara going into the gym talking to Coach Ukai, Takeda-sensei, and Daichi about what happened. Daichi volunteered to help clean up the mess before anyone else saw the blood stained petals, Sugawara told Daichi he’d help, and Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei told him to go home.

Four people knew, and Hinata wasn't sure what to do. He trusted all of them, Sugawara and Daichi were Karasuno’s vice captain and captain respectively, and Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei were coaches. But, that was four people too many. He still had to tell his mother, too, and he wasn't prepared for how sad she’d be.

Sugawara thankfully hadn't told Daichi, Coach Ukai, or Takeda-sensei that Kageyama had been the person that made him feel this way, so they told him it wouldn't affect practice. Hopefully, they were right.

They were wrong.

The second time Hinata felt the petals was after he begged Kageyama to send him tosses. It was an impulse, a habit, something he always did because he loved Kageyama’s tosses. Something about them made him feel like reaching the top was possible.

Kageyama walked over to the volleyballs, taking one out as he turned around to face the managers. “Yacchan, could you help us practice?” Kageyama asked, handing Yachi a volleyball.

Hinata found himself staring at Kageyama’s face, watching sweat roll down his jawline. They’d just finished practicing serves and receives, it was no wonder that Kageyama was sweating. Hell, Hinata was sweating, too.

But the way the sunlight from the higher windows hit Kageyama’s face lit up all of his features, illuminating his sweat. It was running down his nose as well, and Hinata noticed that his eyes seemed more blue in the sun.

His hair wasn't all gross, which Hinata was amazed by, because it was so shiny. There wasn't any sign of sweat on his hair, his bangs also getting illuminated by the sunlight.

He wasn't scowling either, Hinata was sure Kageyama learned not to do it when he was talking to Shimizu or Yachi, and he had a soft expression on his face. Hinata hadn't seen it offen, but when he saw it, he couldn't help but smile.

Kageyama’s face was relaxed, his eyebrows passive and his mouth curling up into a small smile he usually gave their managers to thank them for all of their help. Hinata’s jaw dropped as he watched Kageyama run a hand through his hair, probably trying to keep it away from sweat accumulating on his forehead.

Hinata quickly closed his mouth, smiling at the sight. Kageyama looked so sweet when he wasn't scowling or stressed, Hinata was glad to have witnessed a soft-looking Kageyama.

That's when Hinata felt it.

He gagged, falling to the ground immediately with no warning. The petals were rising up in his throat again, and all he could do was attempt to cough them out. He watched as Kageyama’s eyes widened, Yachi and Shimizu calling for Coach Ukai. 

Kageyama’s jaw dropped, and Hinata wanted nothing more but to slap himself for ruining Kageyama’s earlier expression. It was so soft, so cute, and Hinata ruined it. The sunlight that once enhanced Kageyama’s facial features was now gone, and Kageyama stared at Hinata's body like he’d just seen a ghost. His eyebrows furrowed, and Hinata almost let out a sob. He made Kageyama look like that, look worried and concerned. It was his fault.

He felt someone grab his whole body, probably Daichi, carrying him bridal style out of the gym. He finally let the petals rush out of his throat, five coming out one at a time. He stared at the petals that were no longer red, but were white.

He hears Daichi gasp. “Anemones?” He asked, looking at Hinata. He’d nodded, knowing exactly what it meant this time. Hinata searched up flowers and their meanings in case it would happen again.

Anemones, forsaken. He was deserted, lonely, and the only thing he could do was suffer through it.

He wiped his mouth, making sure there wasn’t a trace of blood on his face. He panted, out of breath, looking to Daichi for help. Kageyama had seen it happen, and so did Yachi and Shimizu. He didn’t want to explain anything to them, not yet. Not until he had it under control. Not until he knew Kageyama wouldn’t look at him in disgust, because Hinata was nothing compared to all the pretty girls that confessed to Kageyama everyday.

Daichi loosened his grip around Hinata, looking at him in concern. “Kageyama is the one.”

It wasn’t a question, he already knew. All Hinata could do was nod, not trusting his own mouth. What if there were more petals?

“He saw it, you’re going to have to tell–”

“No!” Hinata screamed, before lowering his voice before repeating himself. “No, he can’t know. I can’t ruin what we have, Daichi-san.”

Daichi looked at Hinata with sympathy, biting his lip as he nodded. “I understand. But you know you have to tell him someday, right?”

Hinata nodded, looking over to the entrance of the gym. “Not yet. He can’t know yet.”

(“You’re telling me you choked on water? You weren’t even drinking anything when you asked me to toss to you, dumbass,” Kageyama barked as he listened to Daichi and Hinata’s excuse.

Hinata pouted. “Well, it’s true! It’s not like I expected you to believe it! You’re so rude!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, looking at Daichi. “He didn’t choke on water.”

Hinata heard Daichi swallow before answering, “He did. He’ll probably want tosses now after that whole ordeal.”

Kageyama looked back to Hinata. “You fucking collapsed–”

“Toss to me!” Hinata interrupted. “Who cares if I did that? I’m okay now!”

Kageyama shook his head. “You’ll get tosses tomorrow, dumbass Hinata. I don’t wanna toss to you anymore.”

Hinata jumped in front of Kageyama, crossing his arms. “I’m fine! Now toss to me!”

Kageyama sighed, pushing Hinata away. “No.”

Hinata felt petals once more and swallowed harshly before smiling at Kageyama. “Okay, tomorrow!”

“Whatever, let this be a lesson to not chug water down your throat,” Kageyama said. “Now you know what happens when you do.”

Hinata nodded. “Okay!”

Daichi watched the two of them, concerned for what would happen in future team practices.)

The third time he wasn't even with Kageyama, a few weeks after the first time he’d coughed up petals. His mother found out, Coach Ukai had told her, and he went to see a professional.

“Do you know your options, Shouyou-san?” The doctor asked, smiling at him politely.

Hinata nodded. “I know that I can get surgery for it.”

The doctor hummed. “Do you know what happens when you have surgery for Hanahaki Disease?”

Hinata shook his head. Was there certain consequences? Was it breathing problems? Hinata didn't think there would be anything happening after the surgery, but something in him told him to wait on doing anything and just power through the disease.

“As you know, this disease is incurable by our medicine. But, it can be cured by our ways of surgery. The only problem with surgery is that once we remove the beautiful flowers from your system, you’ll never be able to feel love towards that person again,” the doctor explained.

Hinata froze. He didn't want to lose his feelings, whatever they were, towards Kageyama. He wanted to continue to feel that euphoric feeling of hitting his tosses, of seeing his smiling face.

His god damned smiling face.

His mind immediately filled with pictures of Kageyama’s smile, the way his face lit up when they did a successful quick or when they both passed their final exams. The way his face lit up with emotion was rare, but Hinata knew he’d been there for all the times Kageyama would smile. The way his grin spread across his face, the way his lips moved as he cheered for his teammates after a successful game, the way his cheek bones lined the upper parts of his face. 

“Shouyou-san–”

Hinata started coughing, doubling over in his seat. He felt tears in his eyes as he coughed out more petals, the same red ones that had appeared at first. He felt the doctor patting his back, since the only thing he could do was force out the petals. 

After a few petals, Hinata watched as the doctor sighed, writing on a clipboard. “I’m guessing you don’t want to remove your feelings for this person, hm?”

Hinata nodded. After all, how could he remove his feelings from Kageyama when Kageyama deserved all the love he could get, even if it was from someone like him? 

It was close, the fourth time. He felt the petals rising from his lungs, almost forcing their way out. He powered through, swallowing them as he ate lunch next to Kageyama on Karasuno’s roof. It was rare for the two of them to be alone, they normally ate with either Yachi or Hinata’s friends, but Kageyama insisted on the two of them eating together for lunch.

“Oi, slow down,” Kageyama grunted. “You’ll choke. Like you did with your water.”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “Will you ever stop talking about that?” He didn’t want to have to tell Kageyama that he was stuffing his face with food to force the petals down.

“Nope, I’m never going to forget it,” Kageyama smirked.

Hinata stuffed more food in his mouth, forcing more petals back down because why the hell were they still rising? Why the hell were they still trying to come out? He was just having a conversation with Kageyama, there wasn’t anything romantic about it.

They sat in an almost comfortable silence, Hinata continuing to swallow food and water since he really didn’t want Kageyama to see the petals. Not ever.

“Are you not going to listen to me, dumbass?” Kageyama asked. “Or are you just really hungry?”

Hinata scoffed, crossing his arms. “I’m a growing boy, Bakageyama! I’m allowed to eat as much as I want to.”

“Whatever,” Kageyama muttered, returning to his food. Hinata bit back a remark as he felt more petals threatening to come out, stuffing more food in his face.

He looked over to Kageyama, who was scowling as he looked down at his food. “Hey,” Hinata said. “Why are you looking at your bento like you want to murder it?”

Kageyama looked over to Hinata’s curious eyes, sighing. “My sister made this, and it’s so bad."

“What?” Hinata shouted. “Don’t be rude, Kageyama! You should be thankful your sister made you lunch!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “If your sister cooked bad food, would you complain?”

Hinata thought for a bit before stuffing his face with more food. “Well, yes, but I wouldn’t look at it like it’s the plague and I want it dead.”

Kageyama shrugged, using his chopsticks to pick up a sausage squid, shoving it in Hinata’s face. “Wanna try? It’s so bad.”

Hinata flushed, the thought of Kageyama practically feeding him was so embarrassing. But, then again, maybe it’d be fine. It was like an indirect kiss, and Hinata really couldn’t stop thinking about Kageyama’s lips.

Hinata bit back a response, shaking his head as he felt more petals in his throat. “I believe you,” He said, smiling slightly. “Don’t worry.”

Kageyama nodded, letting himself eat the sausage and grimacing as he chewed it. “You’d probably choke again if I let you eat it, anyway.”

Hinata squawked. “Why do you keep telling me I’m gonna choke? What are you implying?”

“Nothing,” Kageyama replied, but Hinata knew why he kept pushing the “choking” narrative.

It was because Kageyama didn't believe that was what happened, and he knew Hinata was lying. Hinata pushed Kageyama slightly. “You think I’m lying.”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really now? You're going to pull that bullshit on me?”

Hinata winced as he heard Kageyama’s voice that was practically screaming at him now. “What bullshit?” Hinata hissed. “Daichi-san and I told you the truth!”

Kageyama scowled, his eyebrows furrowing. “You were so obviously lying, dumbass. It's fine if you don't want to tell me, but you didn't have to lie."

“I wasn't lying! ” Hinata pushed, feeling the rush of petals fill his throat. He swallowed as he felt them rushing up, threatening to come out of his mouth.

He swallowed as hard as he could as Kageyama screamed at him. “You were! God damn you, Hinata, it was so obvious you and Sawamura-san were lying! Even Yacchan and Shimizu-senpai asked me if you were!”

Hinata stood up, no longer able to control the petals threatening to fall out of his mouth. “I wasn't lying! ” His voice shook, Hinata losing control of his own vocal chords as he shouted, “Why do you even care?”

Kageyama's scowl deepened. “Because you're my friend , dumbass.”

(Hinata was able to escape before they could continue their fight, going to the bathroom to cough up the petals.

He frowned as the blood-stained petals swam around in the toilet bowl, bigger than they were the last time.

They were a dark purple, and Hinata having done his research knew these purple hyacinth flowers were a bad sign for the days to come.

They meant sorrow, after all.)

The first time they were flowers (and the fifth time Hinata experienced his Hanahaki Disease) was after his fight with Kageyama.

Kageyama's words echoed in his ears (“Your selfishness is going to ruin the team’s balance!”) as well as Kageyama pushing him to the ground a few times. 

Stupid Kageyama, stupid, stupid Kageyama , Hinata thought as he walked out of the school with his bike next to Yachi, feeling the side of his face that Kageyama slammed to the ground during their roughhousing. Luckily, Tanaka was able to help him patch it up and put a bandage over the wound, and one on his elbow. Unluckily, he was dirty from Kageyama throwing him to the floor.

He clenched his fists on his bike, wanting to burst into tears. How dare Kageyama call him selfish? How dare Kageyama tell him his request was impossible? He just wanted to improve, what was so hard to understand?

“I’m sorry, Yacchan,” Hinata whispered, remembering he was walking Yachi to her bus stop. She must’ve noticed his voice shaking since she put a hand on Hinata’s clenched fists.

“No, it's okay, I was just a bit scared,” Yachi reassured, smiling. “Kageyama throwing you onto the ground was… scary.”

Hinata nodded, agreeing. It was scary how Kageyama picked him up like nothing and just shoved him to the ground as hard as he could. Hinata coughed, looking over to Yachi who was fidgeting.

“He… Kageyama… It wasn't like he was the first friend I’d made.” He faced away from Yachi, feeling his chest swell with emotion. “He was a partner.”

Before Yachi could even reply, he hopped on his bike, biting back tears as he biked away from Yachi’s bus stop.

He felt the tears run down his face, no longer able to contain them. He started coughing, stopping his bike in front of Ukai’s shop and collapsing against the wall, coughing to force the damn petals out.

He covered his mouth, not wanting blood to go on the sidewalk, and felt a ball in his hand instead of tiny petals.

He opened his palm, gasping as tears continued to run down his face.

One small yellow carnation, rejection. One small flower.

The second time he coughed up flowers (and the sixth time he coughed up anything relating to the stupid disease) Hinata was home alone. He was still salty about his fight with Kageyama, but all he could think of was Kageyama’s stupid arms. 

Sure, it hurt to literally be thrown on the ground, but he remembered the muscles that lined his arms. Hinata didn't even realize he was staring at Kageyama’s arms before he felt himself hit the floor.

The strength of his arms was overwhelming, his muscles were defined, and they made his arms look stronger and thicker.

Hinata covered his face with a pillow, screaming into it. He didn't need those thoughts right then and there, he didn't need to think of Kage–

Yellow carnations flew out of mouth as he screamed into his pillow, coughing and rasping as he continued to barf out more.

There were so many, how did it escalate so much since the first time?

He separated his head from the pillow, panting for air. Hinata stared at the countless yellow blood-stained flowers that stained his bed, sighing. He pulled his phone and did what he needed to do. The person on the other side picked up on the third ring.

“Hinata?”

Hinata felt tears running down his cheek, whispering a small, “I’m sorry, Kageyama.”

Kageyama sighed on the other line. “You… what?”

Hinata felt himself shiver as he laid against the flowers, blood staining his face and his clothes. “I just… wanted to hear your voice. I’m sorry.”

Hinata hung up as sobs filled his body, leaving him to cry on top of his bed full of the bloody, beautiful flowers.

The third time he coughed up flowers (and the seventh time dealing with Hanahaki) they were in Tokyo, invited by Coach Nekomata for a training camp. Kageyama and Hinata still had tension between them, the team practically sensed it, and so did Kenma. 

Karasuno and Nekoma were sitting out, watching Fukurodani play against Ubugawa, Fukurodani winning. Hinata was sitting next to Kenma, watching him play a game on his phone.

“Wouldn't you rather watch Bokuto-san and the others than game during practice?” Hinata asked as Fukurodani scored another point. Kenma shrugged, pausing his game.

“Wouldn't you rather be with Kageyama-kun?” Kenma asked, putting his phone down to face Hinata.

Hinata rolled his eyes, catching Kageyama from the corner of his eyes drinking water. “Why would I be with him? You're a better friend than he ever was, anyway.”

Kenma sighed. “Look, you know it's obvious that the two of you had a scuffle, right?”

Hinata crossed his arms. “No way!”

“Yes, it is,” Kenma pointed behind him, where Kageyama was intensely watching the practice game. “Go talk to him.”

Hinata shook his head. “It’s his fault we got into a fight. He should apologize to me!”

Kenna rolled his eyes. “So?”

“So!  Hinata shouted. “He should be the one apologizing to me! Not the other way around!”

Kenma looked at Hinata, clearly done with his complaints. “Shouyou, you're so stubborn. Just tell him you're sorry.”

“Kenma,” Hinata said, looking straight at Kageyama. “I won't do it.” Luckily, Kageyama’s attention was on the practice game, clearly observing Akaashi’s setting. Kageyama’s focused face was different compared to when he was glaring or was just resting his face.

Even when Kageyama wasn't as expressive as Hinata or their other teammates, Hinata noticed that Kageyama’s eyes were full of emotion when his facial expression didn't show much at all. 

Kageyama’s eyes watched Akaashi, flickering with a spark as he watched him send Bokuto a toss. Hinata watched as Kageyama’s eyes widened slightly, full of wonder yet full of complete concentration on the setter in front of him. 

His dark blue eyes were always so full of emotion, Hinata never understood how people found it so hard to read Kageyama. His eyes were just so vibrant despite their dark color, full of information Kageyama tried to hide. He wondered if someone ever told Kageyama that his eyes held all his emotions, and if Kageyama would try to hide it if he found out. 

Hinata wouldn't want Kageyama to find out if he was going to attempt to hide his eyes. They were such a beautiful color, Hinata always thinking of the midnight sky when he gazed at Kageyama, feeling hypnotized at the sight. They were so warm, despite their cold color, and Hinata couldn't place why Kageyama’s eyes contradicted most of Hinata's thoughts. They were just so pretty and so gwah and so uwahhh Hinata couldn't help but continue staring at them.

His eyes were a window into his soul, and Hinata was mesmerized.

“Then why are you just staring at him?” Kenma asked, interrupting Hinata’s thoughts. 

Hinata looked at Kenma, fully aware he was blushing. “I-I’m not–”

Hinata started coughing, doubling over and feeling his head hit Kenma’s chest. Kenma stood up immediately, Hinata in his arms, and called Coach Ukai and Coach Nekomata. 

Coach Ukai carried Hinata off, running outside of the gym with Shimizu and Yachi on his tail. Hinata continued to cough, reminded that this disease was because his love for Kageyama was nothing but one-sided.

He felt flowers launch themselves out of his throat as he tried not to cough on Coach Ukai, hearing Yachi’s gasps in the background. He squinted at the flowers that just came out of his mouth, letting out a small sob.

Marigolds, grief.

Coach Ukai put him down as he stopped coughing up flowers, a little more than the last time he coughed them up, and felt himself get embraced by Karasuno’s two managers.

“Hinata,” Shimizu whispered. “Are you okay?” Hinata could only nod, his throat filled with blood threatening to come out.

He swallowed it, slightly pulling away from Yachi and Shimizu. “I’m fine,” he managed to whisper, letting his gaze fall on the bloody marigolds that lied next to them.

Yachi frowned, rubbing Hinata’s arm. “You have a crush on someone who doesn't return your feelings?”

Hinata nodded. “I… I guess. He… He never saw me in that way, I guess.”

Shimizu’s eyes widened, as if she knew what he was talking about. She glanced at Yachi, who gave her a nod, and looked back at Hinata. “Is it Kageyama-kun?”

Hinata smiled, his eyes filled with tears. He nodded, sniffling. “I… I love Kageyama.”

He started coughing once again, Yachi and Shimizu doing the best they could to help Hinata get the flowers out of his throat as he sobbed for his unrequited love.

The fourth time Hinata coughed up flowers (and the eighth time since he first got the disease) was after he parted ways with Kageyama as they walked home from volleyball practice.

At this point, they’d made up, and had a few days before their final game against Shiratorizawa to get into nationals. Beating Aoba Johsai was something they never thought they’d be able to do, until they started working more as a unit rather than working as individuals, and Kageyama and Hinata strengthened their quick attack. Karasuno was confident they would beat Shiratorizawa and head to nationals.

Hinata and Kageyama walked in a comfortable silence, the sounds of Hinata’s bike filling the air. Volleyball practice was tiring today, the two of them mostly practicing serves and receives rather than their usual quick.

Hinata looked to Kageyama, feeling the roots in his lungs tighten slightly. “Yamayama-kun,” he said, getting Kageyama’s attention.

Kageyama looked down at Hinata, rolling his eyes at the nickname. “What?”

“Do you think we’ll be able to beat Shiratorizawa?” Hinata asked.

Kageyama’s eyes widened slightly, as if he wasn't expecting the question. “I think we can. Karasuno is strong.”

Hinata hummed in agreement. “What do you think would happen if you went to Shiratorizawa instead of Karasuno?”

Kageyama shrugged. “No idea, but I probably wouldn't be here right now.”

“No shit, Kageyama,” Hinata chuckled, nudging Kageyama with his elbow.

Kageyama growled. “You know what I mean, dumbass.”

“Mind explaining to me, Bakageyama?” Hinata smirked, watching Kageyama’s face make its way into a scowl.

“You’re so insufferable,” Kageyama hissed, flicking Hinata’s forehead before continuing. “I meant that I wouldn't be who I am today without going to Karasuno. You guys made me see… a lot of things. I’d still have a lot of my flaws if I went to Shiratorizawa,” Kageyama explained.

Hinata stifled in giggles, putting his hand that wasn't holding his bike on his mouth. “You say that like you don't have any right now. I can name a bunch from the top of my head! Like how you–”

“Shut up, dumbass!” Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s hair. “Do you need me to explain?”

“Oi, Kageyama!” Hinata shouted. “Don't be rude! I was teasing– ow! Kageyama, let go!”

Kageyama gripped Hinata’s hair once more before letting go, rolling his eyes. “Teasing, my ass. I was trying to be nice, and that’s how you repay me?”

“Nice? How?” Hinata asked, tilting his head in confusion. 

“I literally said I wouldn't be where I was now without going to Karasuno and meeting the team,” Kageyama replied. “You guys helped me see what I needed to work on and build relationships I wouldn't have knowing that I isolated myself for so long.”

Hinata gasped. “No way! I helped you see that?”

“Are you not part of Karasuno?” Kageyama hissed. “You make me want to take back every word I just said.”

Hinata pouted. “You wouldn't! It would make Suga-san and Noya-senpai sad! And me!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “I’ll just reword it and say Karasuno minus the dumbass idiot with orange hair in front of me. Problem solved,” Kageyama said, crossing his arms.

Hinata squawked. “Rude! You know you adore me!” Hinata put a hand on top of his mouth as he heard the words come out of his lips, clearly embarrassed. He felt his chest become full, aware it was the multiple flowers that started blooming, threatening to come out once Kageyama answered.

Despite Hinata’s flustered reaction to his words, Kageyama nonchalantly looked at Hinata, and hummed. “I wouldn't say adore. If anything, I can tolerate you. Unfortunately for you, I can't do much more.”

Hinata felt his heart drop, but instead of showing this to Kageyama, he scowled, easily falling back into their banter. Their banter was all he had, anyway. “Rude,” he said, not trusting himself to say anymore before bursting into coughs.

(The rest of the walk home was quiet, and once Kageyama and Hinata parted, Hinata started coughing up the flowers he held in, not wanting Kageyama to see them.

He glanced at the flowers that filled the streets, sighing as he recognized the dark purple.

Hyacinths, sorrow. Hinata couldn't help but sigh, scared for what was to come. There were so many flowers, and he wasn't prepared for the final stages.

Neither was Kageyama, apparently.)

The fifth time Hinata coughed up flowers (and the ninth time in total) was during a practice game, in front of all of his teammates, and he knew at that point that he wouldn't survive the damn disease.

It was a six on six game with every team member playing, Hinata and Kageyama on the same team as well as Yamaguchi, Daichi, Ennoshita, and Nishinoya. The other team consisted of Sugawara, Asahi, Tanaka, Tsukishima, Narita, and Kinoshita. Kageyama had told Hinata before the game that they had to win or else Kageyama would go to the damn past and tell Hinata that his selfishness really did upset the team’s balance.

Hinata knew he was joking though, he had to be, and continued to contradict Kageyama’s words. He was able to spike Kageyama’s tosses, as well as act like a decoy and managed to fool his other teammates, so he felt like he made massive improvement.

Hinata spiked a few more of Kageyama’s tosses, feeling nothing but pure bliss as he continued to play with his team, especially when he caught a few more of Kageyama’s lingering glances in his direction. Hinata managed to return them, finding comfort in the small glances that Kageyama managed to throw.

They’d managed to do a successful quick attack, Tsukishima’s block unable to block Hinata’s spike. Hinata felt his feet land on the ground, facing his partner as he heard the ball hit the ground.

“Yes!” Kageyama and Hinata screamed in unison, the two of them running up to each other and initiating a high five. Hinata tiptoed to reach Kageyama’s hands, Kageyama grabbing Hinata’s hands as they made contact with each other.

Hinata felt Kageyama’s fingers intertwine with his, hearing Tanaka and Nishinoya’s whistles in the background. His hands were so warm, Hinata not missing how perfect his small hands fit into Kageyama’s larger ones. He wanted to stay like this, him just staring into Kageyama’s soft eyes as their hands held each other, silent but knowing. Hinata knew better than to stay like this, though, so he broke their comfortable silence.

“Kageyama, what–”

He bit back a gag, looking at Kageyama, who looked confused at his own actions. “Were we not going to do this? What were you trying to do?” Kageyama asked, tilting his head. Hinata blushed, god, that was so cute.

Hinata’s ears filled with Tanaka’s laughter from the other side of the court. “He was trying to give you a high five!” He managed to yell, falling to the ground and laughing. Sugawara hit Tanaka’s head, his laughter still continuing.

Kageyama immediately let go of Hinata’s hands, his eyes searching for something other than Hinata’s face to look at. “Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were going for a high five.”

“It’s fine, Bakageyama!” Hinata exclaimed. “I get you’re just stupid!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “I’m stupid? You’re the stupid one,” Kageyama hissed, glaring at Hinata.

Hinata rolled his eyes, wincing at Kageyama’s words. Kageyama had sounded like he was angry, so Hinata quickly countered it before Kageyama could say anymore. “That's impossible, you're the–”

The rest, Hinata felt like it happened in a blur. He saw Daichi run towards him from the corner of his eye, his vision doubling as he felt himself hit the ground, coughing up multiple flowers.

His hands made his way to his chest, gripping his shirt as he painfully coughed up more and more flowers.

“Shit , Suga, it’s already in its last stages,” Hinata heard a voice– probably Daichi– say from beside him. Hinata tried to talk back, but he felt more flowers threatening to come out of his throat, his lungs full of growing roots.

He looked around the room, his eyes filling with tears as he struggled to cough up the flowers. Coach Ukai was calling someone, and the rest of his teammates looked around the room, uncertainty and concern filling their faces. Hinata’s eyes met Kageyama’s, who was looking down at him in shock. His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape, and he was staring like he’d never seen someone vomit out flowers.

Hinata looked at the flowers that spread across the gym floor full of blood, closing his eyes as he realized more was coming out.

They were huge yellow flowers, nothing like the yellow carnations that Hinata coughed up when he was home alone.

They were daffodils, a sign of unequalled or unrequited love.

“Hinata, I need you to open your eyes. Stay awake, please,” Hinata heard Sugawara whisper. Not wanting to make his vice captain worry, he opened his eyes slightly, feeling another flower in his throat.

Sugawara smiled at him, rubbing his back as he continued to cough up another daffodil. “When did they get so big?” Sugawara asked quietly, in an attempt to keep Hinata conscious.

Hinata looked over to Kageyama once more, his hand was now over his mouth as Hinata coughed up another flower. He turned to Sugawara, shaking his head, and hoped that answer would suffice.

He felt the roots grow in his lungs, his chest full of burning pain. He screamed, hearing Daichi yell, “Coach Ukai, we need to take him to the hospital!” With Shimizu calmly responding, “They're on their way, please keep him conscious.”

Sugawara continued to rub Hinata’s back as he screamed in agony, the roots in his lungs growing larger and larger and he couldn't breathe .

He coughed up more daffodils, his hands finding their way to Sugawara’s shirt. “Kage–K’geyama… Yama…” He whispered.

Sugawara smiled sadly, patting his hair. “You want Kageyama?” Hinata nodded, panting heavily as he struggled to breathe. He watched as Sugawara called Kageyama over, Kageyama taking hold of Hinata’s head and torso as Sugawara stood up to retrieve something.

“You're a dumbass,” Kageyama hissed, knowing full well Hinata would hear. Hinata let out a breathy chuckle, feeling the roots grow once more. His hands found his way to Kageyama’s shirt, gripping it tightly as he panted for air.

He felt warmth around his body, and he panicked, shooting up from Kageyama's arms before falling back again, feeling more flowers in his throat.

Kageyama rubbed Hinata's back, much like Sugawara, as the flowers launched from Hinata’s mouth and onto the ground. Kageyama sighed. “Relax, I had Suga-san get my jacket and put it around you. Honestly, I didn't expect you to freak out,” He said, nonchalantly.

Hinata wanted to scream at Kageyama, yell at him that he didn't understand that it was him making him cough up the flowers, he was the reason why Hinata was dying. But he couldn't, because why would he place the blame on Kageyama when he was the one being selfish? 

Hinata took one last look at Kageyama as he felt the roots in his lungs find their way into his respiratory system. It was painful, and Hinata felt like his chest was going to burst.

He let out a scream, gripping Kageyama’s hands and lurching his back. He felt Kageyama grip back, tighter than Hinata initially thought he would. “Where the fuck is the ambulance?” Kageyama screamed, and Hinata couldn't help but smile as his screams turned into whimpers.

He groaned, his mouth unable to form words. Kageyama looked back at him, his eyes full of worry despite his eyebrows furrowing to form a scowl. “Just focus on staying awake for now,” Kageyama muttered.

Hinata could only nod, coughing a few more times. He felt more flowers blooming, and he wasn't sure why. He couldn't hold in his tears anymore, and felt more escape as he continued to cough up blood and smaller daffodils.

He felt one of Kageyama’s hands leave his own, feeling it on his cheek, wiping his tears. “Why didn't you tell anyone about this?” Kageyama asked, the “Why didn't you tell me about this?” was left unsaid, but implied. 

Hinata shrugged, groaning as he felt another flower threatening to rise. How could he tell him that his stupid unrequited love disease was occuring because of Kageyama? How could he tell Kageyama that he was the cause?

All of a sudden, he felt a flash of white pain. He screamed, holding onto Kageyama as tight as he could as the pain in his chest kept spiking.

“I love you,” he whispered, not even sure Kageyama heard, then everything faded to black.

(Kageyama shook Hinata, feeling nothing but panic as Hinata’s body went limp in his arms. “Hinata!” He screamed, shaking Hinata’s frail body. “Dumbass, please. Please wake up,” Kageyama pleaded, hearing his voice crack.

Despite his pleas, Hinata’s eyes remained closed. He was so sure Hinata said something before closing his eyes, his mouth was moving, after all. Kageyama needed Hinata to wake up to hear what he said, to find out why the hell no one told Kageyama that Hinata had Hanahaki Disease.

“Hinata!” He screamed once more, knowing it was useless at this point. Hinata wouldn't wake up, and Kageyama didn't know what to do, didn't know how to see those beautiful brown eyes he so desperately wanted to see again–

“King,” Tsukishima whispered from above Kageyama. “Breathe, Hinata will live.”

Kageyama looked at Tsukishima, scowling. “Do you see how many flowers are around us? This is basically the final stage, do you really think–”

“Look,” Tsukishima interrupted, crossing his arms. “This may be the final stage of Hanahaki, but you know Hinata doesn't go down easily. Find out who he likes, or convince him to do the surgery.”

Kageyama nodded, watching as Takeda-sensei and Tanaka burst back into the gym. “The ambulance is here! Kageyama-kun, bring him here!” Takeda-sensei screamed.

Kageyama stood up as fast as he could, securing Hinata in his arms, and ran outside of the gym.

He’d get Hinata to the hospital, no matter what.)

Hinata woke up in a hospital bed, feeling disoriented and weak. He looked at the jacket wrapped around him, remembering it was Kagsyama’s jacket that he was wearing. Hinata remembered his words before passing out, blushing profusely as he replayed the scene back. Had Kageyama even heard him? Did he even say the words, or did he just imagine himself saying it before passing out? He felt something rise in his throat and coughed, a flower coming out of his mouth. It was a dark purple, a hyacinth, one that meant sorrow. He sighed, looking to his right side.

Kageyama was staring right at him, sitting in a chair.

“Kage–”

“Why didn't you tell me?” Kageyama asked, his voice cracking as he choked the question out of his mouth.

Hinata felt his eyes fill up with water, shaking his head. “Why would I?”

Kageyama frowned, different from his usual scowl. “We're friends, Hinata. I thought you’d trust me with this. You trusted me with volleyball, why would this be any different?”

Hinata sighed. So he didn't hear my confession, he thought. He looked at Kageyama, his blue eyes filled with concern. Hinata shrugged, letting Kageyama continue talking. “You're going to have surgery, right?” He asked, seemingly hopeful that Hinata would get something done.

Hinata shook his head. Losing his feelings towards Kageyama would hurt Kageyama so much, let alone himself. He wanted to feel that happiness of hitting his tosses, he wanted to feel the bliss of seeing Kageyama’s rare smile, he wanted to feel the warmth Kageyama radiated when he was happy. “I can't,” Hinata decided to say. He couldn't sacrifice his feelings, even if that meant sacrificing what he currently had with Kageyama.

Kageyama's frown deepened. “You can't? Dumbass, your crush on a stupid girl won't mean anything, you have your team. You have me.”

Hinata chuckled at the fact that Kageyama had thought it was a girl. “Of course it doesn't mean anything, Bakageyama, I don't like a girl,” Hinata remarked.

Kageyama stiffened, his face contorting into a confused look. “Excuse me?”

“You got a problem with that?” Hinata asked, a bit shocked at Kageyama’s reaction.

Kageyama shook his head. “Of course not. Who do I need to beat up?”

It was Hinata’s turn to be confused. “Kageyama, what?”

“Who do I need to beat up?” Kageyama repeated. “Someone who makes you feel this way is someone who doesn’t deserve your feelings.”

Hinata rolled his eyes, staring at Kageyama. “You’re stupid, you wouldn’t.”

“I would, Hinata,” Kageyama said. “You’re killing yourself loving this person. How are we supposed to win to nationals if you’re on your death bed?”

Hinata clenched his fists, the fabric of the blanket on his hospital bed becoming wrinkled. "That’s what you’re worried about? Not winning nationals? You know Karasuno would be able to win without me,” Hinata hissed.

Kageyama shook his head. “You know that’s not what I’m worried about. And you're wrong.”

Hinata sat up in the bed, feeling disoriented as his eyes settled on Kageyama’s own. “I don’t know, Kageyama, you can’t just expect me to know these things!” Hinata yelled.

Kageyama stood up from where he was sitting. “I’m worried about you dying because you won’t do the damn surgery!”

“Why does it matter?” Hinata asked, his voice cracking. “I will not lose my feelings for this person. They deserve all the love they can get.”

“Why? ” Kageyama was practically shouted, getting closer to the hospital bed. “You’re going to die, Hinata, and the team won’t be able to handle that. I won’t be able to handle that. You have to do the surgery, please.”

Hinata released his grip on his blanket, tears filling his eyes as he clenched his shirt. His chest started hurting, his head throbbing. “I won’t do the surgery.”

“You’re a dumbass,” Kageyama hissed. “Tell me who it is, I’ll bring him here.”

Hinata shook his head. “Why would you do that?”

“You’ll die and I bet your crush doesn’t even know you like them,” Kageyama replied. “A lot of cases of Hanahaki end in the person dying not confessing at all.”

“Why do you know that?”

“I searched it up,” Kageyama answered. “You lied to me for so long, I needed to inform myself on it while you were unconscious.”

Hinata felt a flower in his throat, swallowing to force it down. “Stop, don’t do this now.”

Kageyama crossed his arms. “You lied for months.”

Hinata glared. “For a good reason.”

“Everyone but me, the other first years, and the second years knew. Even Yacchan and Shimizu-senpai knew, and you didn’t bother telling your partner anything?” Kageyama shouted, his hands reaching to grab Hinata’s shirt, but stopped as he realized Hinata’s hand was on the spot he’d threatened to grab.

“If I told you, Kageyama,” Hinata’s voice cracked, feeling his chest burst in pain. “You’d be horrified. You’d hate me.”

“I would never," Kageyama scowled. “It’s okay if you have a crush on a boy, I have no issue with that, I’d never hate you for anything.”

Hinata shook his head. “You’d hate me if you knew who it was!”

Kageyama clenched his shirt. “Then tell me! God damn you, Hinata, stop assuming I’d hate you! I’d never–”

Hinata cleared his throat, tears falling out of his eyes. “I love you,” Hinata confessed, interrupting Kageyama’s shouts. Kageyama’s eyes widened, Hinata immediately feeling flowers in his throat. He let out a breathy cough, smiling. “You’d hate me for that, wouldn’t you? You’d hate me for loving you.” Hinata doubled over as he had a coughing fit.

Kageyama didn’t reply, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. Hinata felt more pain in his chest as he recovered from the coughing fit, spitting out daffodils. He fell back in the hospital bed, feeling countless flowers escaping his throat, struggling to breath. Flowers filled his lungs, his vision blurring as he tried to cough all of them out.

Kageyama snapped out of his trance, running for the door and yelling for the doctor. Kageyama ran back to Hinata, yelling something, saying something, but Hinata couldn’t understand. Hinata’s vision blurred as Kageyama grabbed his hand, hearing one thing before his entire vision filled with daffodils sprouting out of his mouth and Kageyama’s worried face faded away.

"I love you too, dumbass! ”

(Kageyama felt his legs give away as he held Hinata’s hand, his eyes closing as Kageyama watched, helpless.

“Damn you, Hinata!” Kageyama screamed as doctors stormed into the room, pulling Kageyama away.

Kageyama reached for Hinata, never wanting to let go, but was forced to. He didn't think Hinata had feelings for him, let alone thought it was all one-sided.

The doctors slammed the door to Hinata’s room shut, leaving Kageyama to stare at the closed door, feeling nothing but fear for the future.

He backed away into a wall, sliding down and hiding his face in his knees. If he cried a little, no one would see.

If he whispered, “I love you, so please don't die ,” no one would hear, and he was okay with that.)

Hinata felt weight on his arm as he stirred awake, blinking rapidly. His head felt cloudy, and the world was spinning.

“Nii-san!” He heard his little sister scream, his own mother shushing him. He looked to his left, the opposite side of where the weight on his arm was. His little sister and his mother were sitting there, smiling at him.

“Shouyou,” his mother came up to him, rubbing his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

Hinata opened his mouth, his throat dry. He opted to use his left hand to give his mother and Natsu a thumbs up. His mother smiled, Natsu coming close to Hinata’s bed. “We talked to Tobio about your disease! You’re slowly getting better!” Natsu exclaimed.

Hinata froze at the name, looking at his mother. “Kage–”

“You haven't noticed?” She asked, giving her son a sweet smile. “He’s right there.”

Hinata finally turned to his right, seeing a sleeping Kageyama Tobio holding his hand, his head rested on top of his arm. Hinata frantically looked back at his mother, who seemingly read his mind and started explaining. “Kageyama-san was here when Natsu and I got here yesterday, and he explained to us your situation. The doctors came in and said even if you almost choked on the flowers, your unrequited love confessed just in time for the flowers to die. They’re still dying, though, so give it some time.”

Hinata froze. “Y-You mean… Kageya–” He started coughing, his mother handing him a water bottle to attempt to drink out of. He tried moving without waking up Kageyama, and was surprised he still hadn’t stirred from his sleep after all of Natsu’s screaming.

Natsu nodded as soon as Hinata finished drinking water. “Tobio told us he loves you, and hopes you two can be boyfriends in the future!” Natsu gave her brother a thumbs up.

Hinata’s mother rolled her eyes as Hinata blushed at his sister's statement. She picked up her bag and started dragging Natsu towards the exit. “We’ll give you two some alone time, he’ll probably wake up soon.”

“Okaa-san–” Before Hinata could protest, his mother and Natsu had made it out of the room, closing the door as silently as they could.

Hinata sighed, staring at the ceiling. Kageyama had saved him before he choked to death on flowers, and confessed. Hinata frowned, turning his attention on Kageyama’s sleeping face. God, he’s so cute, Hinata thought as he stared at him, Kageyama’s face calm and at peace.

Hinata smiled, taking his free hand and running it through Kageyama’s hair. It was like running his hand through silk, Kageyama’s hair was so soft Hinata had to ask what conditioner he used.

He smiled, ruffling Kageyama’s hair. “Thank you, Bakageyama, for saving me,” Hinata whispered.

“Dumbass,” Kageyama muttered, lifting his head to look at Hinata. Hinata stared, his hand still in Kageyama’s hair, but didn't retreat it. Kageyama gave Hinata a small smile, one he’d never seen before. His heart started racing as Kageyama lifted his head off of Hinata’s arm, letting Hinata’s hand fall to the bed.

“When you get better,” Kageyama started, reaching inside of his bag (That was right next to him? When did that get there?), pulling out a red flower. “Let's go on a date before nationals.”

Hinata chuckled, taking the flower and putting it in his hair. “You're saying you want to be my boyfriend?”

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “How clear can I make it, dumbass?”

Hinata pursed his lips. “Maybe…”

Kageyama sighed, flicking Hinata’s forehead. “I hate you.”

Hinata smiled. “No you don't, Kageyama.”

Kageyama drew his face closer to Hinata’s, nodding. “You're right. I love you.” Kageyama whispered.

Hinata felt Kageyama’s breath on his face, smiling as their foreheads collided. “I love you too, Bakageyama.”

Hinata felt Kageyama's lips on his own, tasting like an electrifying mint. He took in Kageyama’s scent, a scent so husky Hinata couldn't help but smile.

He felt the flower in his hair shift slightly, smiling as he felt Kageyama's hand on it, fixing it back into place as they were kissing.

It was a rose, after all, one that meant I love you.