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thirteen
Toni Topaz has a gift. She doesn’t really think about it as the most amazing thing in the world, or the most useful, for all that matters. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s hers and no one else’s.
The first memory Toni has is of it 's also one of her mother, when she was only three years old. She remembers the woman's face with a smile, chocolate brown eyes staring right into hers and a number one floating above her head. She also remembers the dress she wore for the funeral one day later.
Then there was her dad, when Toni was seven. She saw the numbers counting down from fifteen each day that passed. Until she found him overdosed on the floor after number one, something that she can only describe as a dark cloud around his frame.
By then, she was just too young and too naive to make the connection.
Now, after seeing the numbers counting down above so many of her Serpent friends’ heads, she just knows.
(And a part of her guiltily thanks heavens every day they’re not above her grandfather’s.)
Because Toni knows all too well what happens when they finally reach the day after number one and all Toni can see is that same dark cloud that surrounded her father. A sign. A warning. A way Death finds to assure her the job will be done that day.
She deals with the stress that comes with it easily nowadays, mostly protecting herself as best as she can from the unavoidable news she knows she’s going to get every time she sees the fateful number one. She's always wondered if it would be better to be caught by surprise, to not know what’s going to happen until it does - because it always does -, however, she sees the sadness and pain her friends go through, since no one has that same gift, and realizes it wouldn’t.
Because Toni always has time to make peace with someone’s death - fifteen days to be precise -, she allows herself to have one day with them, to have fun, sing, dance, eat, talk, apologize, thank, whatever it is. One day only. Then, she keeps her distance, she detaches herself from that bond before she suffers too much. And the grief in Sweet Pea and Fangs’ eyes when they receive the news make her wish they could have done the same, so that they don’t need to suffer that much either.
(Who is she kidding, though? Even if she keeps her distance, it still hurts like hell.)
That's her system then, one that Toni had developed to deal with it. And it’s so second nature to her that she doesn’t even dwell on it that much. It never really goes through her head anymore…
Especially not at parties, especially not at one on the Northside, especially not when she sees the most gorgeous girl alone by the kitchen counter, a glass of a drink in her hands and a number thirteen above her head.
(So much for not dwelling on it.)
“Who's that?” Toni points at the redheaded girl as Jughead sips on his drink and rolls his eyes.
“Cheryl Blossom.” He answers.
The name is familiar. Every Serpent has heard of the Blossoms. Of the twin boy’s murder their king helped covering up; of the haunted house that unexplainably caught fire one night. Of the two survivors and the crazy old lady.
Someone should’ve mentioned one of the survivors is the most beautiful girl Toni’s ever seen.
(And is also about to die soon.)
“She's a mythic bitch.” Jughead says, to which Toni furrows her eyebrows. “The epitome of an entitled popular head cheerleader. Riverdale's own Regina George...”
“She's alone at a party.” And she’s dying.
Can someone really be that popular and still stand alone at a party?
“I suppose the 'popular' part is not necessarily true anymore, given the recent events surrounding her family and her murderous father." And a part of Toni wants to remind him of the part his own dad played on those recent events, but the other part of her respects her leader a little too much for her to open her mouth. "All the other definitions still stand. No one really wants her around anymore.” Toni briefly wonders if they would if they realized she doesn’t have much time to live.
“She's still here.” That’s not meant for Jughead to hear, but he does. And of course he has something to say about that matter.
“I guess a 4.0 GPA doesn’t make people smart enough to take the hint they’re not wanted.”
And Toni’s got a nice GPA of her own to be considered smart enough not to approach the girl. But why doesn’t the number thirteen above Cheryl Blossom’s head stop Toni from wanting to walk up to where she's standing?
Does it have something to do with that pretty face, that gorgeous red hair and those to-die-for legs? No…
Count on Toni to break her own rules about attachment just because the girl’s hot.
(There’s also something in her eyes that draws Toni in. Could it be just how empty they look?)
‘It's thirteen days, Toni. Not even you can get attached that easily.' The Serpent tells herself as she leaves Jughead behind to join the redhead by the kitchen counter.
“Anything interesting going on?” Is the first thing Toni asks, approaching carefully and cautiously.
Cheryl Blossom stares her up and down with those bored void eyes and a raised eyebrow. For a moment, Toni thinks the girl’s going to tell her off, call her scum - or whatever those Northsiders call the Serpents nowadays - and humiliate her. Then, she hears a soft sigh, in resignation, and they both look back at the window.
“Chuck Clayton has convinced Moose Mason to take his clothes off and play beer-pong wearing only his underwear.” She says, and Toni doesn’t really care much about people’s voices, but she feels like she could keep listening to Cheryl’s forever.
(She only has thirteen days, though.)
“Kevin Keller is not that appreciative of that, even though everyone knows the straight popular football player is not interested in the awkward guy from drama club.” As Cheryl keeps talking, Toni’s grin keeps widening. “Betty is there by his side but she can’t keep herself from looking around for your hobo friend. Reginald Mantle is trying to convince Tina and Ginger to join him on a ménage à trois. Midge Klump can’t keep her eyes away from Moose’s you-know-what. Josie’s dealing with a Pussycat’s long coming crisis that she's just now acknowledged. And Archie and Veronica are probably already eating each others’ faces somewhere in this suburban house."
"So, no, Princess Bubblegum, nothing interesting is really happening at the moment.”
Toni could laugh at the nickname, she really could. But she chooses to raise her eyebrow in defiance before commenting.
“For someone who’s not finding those things interesting, you sure do pay a lot of attention.”
The lighting in the room makes it easy for Toni to notice the blush on Cheryl’s cheeks as the girl takes a sip of her drink, to buy herself time, Toni knows. She sees upclose the redhead scrunching up her nose and grimacing, clearly unable to hide how bad that drink is.
Toni would invite her to the Wyrm one day, so Cheryl could enjoy a nice drink prepared by a skilled bartender - Toni herself -, but she’s not gonna have time for that.
(Besides, if Toni sticks to her system, she only has one day to enjoy the redhead’s company before distancing herself.
(She ignores the fact that, if it were by her so-called system, she wouldn’t even approach someone she’s never met before when they only have thirteen days to live.) )
“I suppose there’s nothing left to do at this awfully middle-class high school party.” She answers, after composing herself, turning away from the window for the second time to look at Toni.
“Then why are you here?” Before all the words even leave her mouth, Toni knows it’s the wrong thing to say. She sees by the way the redhead crosses her arms around herself, and something flickers in her eyes before disdain appears in them - Toni isn’t able to identify what that something is, but it looks too much like pain to be anything that far from it -.
“Why are YOU here?” It’s more an accusation than a question itself, but Toni can’t help but notice how quickly the girl in front of her can change her demeanour.
(How quickly she can put a mask on.)
Toni knows that question comes with the implication that she doesn’t belong there. That none of her friends do. That doesn’t even bother her that much, it’s not like they’re welcomed anywhere else other than the Southside. She also doesn’t care, because she’s allowing herself some time with Cheryl Blossom, and she guesses the snarky remarks will be part of it.
“I wanted to buy you a drink.” Toni clumsily says, then nearly facepalms herself over her own stupidity. There’s no drinks to buy. “Make you a drink.” Another strike, there are no drinks to be made. “Ask you what you’re drinking, I mean.”
It’s the third most stupid thing she says, but it’s the most acceptable one, as Toni doesn’t even bother correcting herself again. Also, the smile she earns from the redhead for that mess of an answer makes it worth it.
“Not something I fancy, I can assure you.” Cheryl says, looking down at her cup with distaste before placing it on the counter. She takes her phone out of her pocket and lights it up to see what time it is, then looks back at Toni to say something else.
(Toni tries to ignore the pang in her chest when she sees the picture of the girl and her twin brother as the wallpaper.)
“You can buy me a milkshake at Pop’s tomorrow. 2 PM sharp.” It's spoken so quickly that Toni can barely make sense of the words, but as she does, the pink haired girl nods, dumbfounded by Cheryl's beautiful smile.
For some reason, Toni doesn’t even think too much about the answer, or what that entails. She just looks at the girl in front of her and sees a pretty smile and beautiful eyes. The thirteen above her head long forgotten.
“Sure.” She says, watching as Cheryl’s eyes soften.
“Great. I need to go now. Mumsy is never happy when I stay out past curfew. See you tomorrow then… uh…” She stops mid sentence and furrows her eyebrows. “I'm sorry, I didn’t get your name.”
Toni didn’t really say it.
“Toni. Toni Topaz.”
“Toni. Perfect. See you tomorrow.” Without even waiting for an answer, the redhead turns around and leaves.
Toni watches her go with a loopy smile on her face. Whatever, she’d give herself two days. Rules are meant to be broken, right?
-
twelve
Toni’s not gonna say she regrets offering to buy Cheryl a drink right away. Not when she was, back then, too intrigued by the girl’s eyes and mesmerized by that beautiful face.
She does, however, regret it as soon as she spots the redhead sitting at Pop’ s, waiting for her. As predicted, the number twelve is there to weigh on that bad decision even more.
“I do recall saying 2PM sharp.” It’s the first thing Cheryl says when Toni approaches the table.
“It’s two-oh-three.” Toni says, dropping her helmet on the chair, to which Cheryl looks at with a scrunched up nose, and sitting across from the girl.
“I suppose you’re unaware of the meaning of the expression ‘sharp’.” Toni rolls her eyes, but that doesn’t stop Cheryl from continuing. “So I’m enlightening you: it’s not the same as ‘around such time’.”
“I’m only three minutes late.”
“Late nonetheless, Toni Topaz.”
Toni takes a deep breath that stops herself from lashing out on the girl. That’s definitely a side of Cheryl she could have pictured beforehand, given the information she’s received from Jughead, not that it means she’ll force herself to put up with that attitude.
If anything, that makes it even easier for Toni when she has to say goodbye later, certain she won’t want to look at Cheryl ever again after that encounter. Even if the Blossom herself has her charms, and that’s something she absolutely does have.
“Have you ordered?” Toni asks instead, not wanting to prolong a discussion that will take them absolutely nowhere.
“Two strawberry milkshakes.” Cheryl says with what Toni can only fall a forced grin. “Double cherry on top.”
Toni huffs and crosses her arms, but it’s not like her to ask a waiter to change an order. Especially since she hates it when someone does that same thing at the Wyrm when she’s almost done preparing the drink.
“I wanted vanilla.” She mutters, out of spite. And she’s met with a sweet fake smile from Cheryl, that she can only interpret as ‘serves you right for being late’.
“I’ll order vanilla next time.”
And if Toni thinks it’s bold of her to assume there will be a next time, she doesn’t comment.
(She knows quite well there won’t.)
After that, they sit in silence. Cheryl looking at Toni and Toni looking down at the table, that has nothing interesting to catch her attention for that long. Cheryl’s the one to break the silence and the pink haired girl finally looks up at her.
“You were the one to invite me.” She says, although it sounds slightly like an accusation. A hidden question. Why invite her when there’s nothing to be said?
“Well, you are the one who accepted the invitation.” And Toni knows it sounds dumb and childish, mostly, but it’s not like she can say anything else. There’s no explanation for that invitation other than lack of rationality and amusement.
The redhead snorts and rolls her eyes, then looks out the window. Something tells Toni that the only thing still keeping the girl there is the milkshake she’s just ordered. It’s not like there’s anything else keeping Toni there other than that either.
She takes a moment to examine the girl in front of her. Cheryl Blossom looks as pretty as she did the night before, despite those eyes, still void of any visible emotion. Her hair is impeccably curled and her makeup carefully applied to look natural - as natural as it can be with that red lipstick -. And, of course, Toni couldn’t stop herself from staring at the number twelve above her head.
It’s like a heavy and opaque cloud shaped as a number. Not as big, only big enough for Toni to read it.
Pop arrives with their milkshake right then, and Toni's thankful that she can stop focusing on that awful number to focus on the drink. Even though she still wishes Cheryl had ordered vanilla.
“You’re a Serpent.” Cheryl takes a sip of her own milkshakes when she makes that statement, probably after spotting the motorcycle outside - as if Toni’s jacket doesn’t speak for itself -. Toni wonders if the redhead has a gift that makes everything sound like she’s accusing someone of doing something awful, or if that’s an actual accusation this time.
“What gave that away?” She mocks surprise, sarcasm dripping from her voice, because she’s not really keen on hearing what Cheryl has to say about her family.
(And because she lowkey doesn’t want to feel hurt by it.)
Maybe she’s being a jerk. Maybe she knows that. Maybe she can see Cheryl’s almost, once again, throwing in her face that she was the one to invite her. But now that things seem clearer, she knows she shouldn’t have invited her in first place - for obvious and numerous reasons -. And since she’s come to that realization, the easier she makes for Cheryl to dislike her so they can follow their different paths, the better.
Nothing like being a complete and utter asshole to push someone away.
Apparently, Cheryl does not approve of that behavior. Not that Toni cares.
“Not the lice, I assure you.” She answers, rolling her eyes and staring at Toni in defiance, to show she’s not going to put up with her attitude either.
Toni laughs at the absurdity of that statement, but replies with a “Fuck you!” nonetheless.
And she swears she can hear the redhead muttering something along the lines of “Wouldn’t you want to?”, before taking a sip of her milkshake and staring at the pink haired girl with a cryptic smile of her own. But Toni just lets that comment slide, deciding to eat one of the cherries on top of her own milkshake instead.
(What can she even say? It's not like she wouldn't really want to.)
“So what?" Toni asks after a while. Cheryl's attention is back again at whatever's happening outside of the window - which is absolutely nothing. Nothing has happened in that parking lot ever since Toni arrived -, and the fact that she is still there, knowing full well Toni is a Southside Serpent, intrigues the pink haired girl even more. "You are not here to tell me you hate us and everything we stand for?”
“Oh, no. I absolutely hate the Serpents and everything you stand for.”
Toni doubts Cheryl even knows what the Serpents stand for.
“And yet you’re still here.” Toni wonders if spending that little time with Cheryl has already made her able to state things as if they were accusations as well, even though it's really just a comment.
“I haven’t left the table, indeed.”
“Why?”
“Perhaps I'm expecting you to be the exception." Cheryl shrugs, as if that doesn't really matter. It does to Toni. "Perhaps I'm just really fond of strawberry milkshakes.”
“Maybe I’m not gonna be that exception.” She states, wanting the redhead to say something else, to answer her question with something other than an adverb of possibility.
Also, Cheryl’s just rich enough to buy her own milkshake if she likes it all that much.
“That’s for me to find out.”
"Okay! Now everything's clear." Toni says, sarcastically, because there's nothing clear about the fact that Cheryl chooses to spend time with her, even when she knows the part the Serpents have played on her twin brother's murder. "You’re gonna sit here and drink your milkshake, looking at someone that represents things you barely know about and don't even like, just in hopes of changing your mind about me?”
It's not that simple, there must be something behind that, and Toni knows it. The way Cheryl raises an eyebrow as if she's bored of all those questions, however, makes it seem like everything is part of an elaborated plot inside Toni's head, and not something people would genuinely wonder about. Even though they both know a Southside Serpent sitting on a diner's booth with a Blossom can barely be considered a common and unquestionable occurrence.
“I figured I wouldn’t just look at you.” Cheryl answers, once again seemingly bored out of her mind.
“Excuse me?”
Toni blinks, confused. She doesn't really think Cheryl means whatever Toni thinks she means, that doesn't change the fact that she doesn't understand that statement. Cheryl takes her time, and a long sip of her milkshake, before impatiently rolling her eyes at her and answering.
“Talking is also an option.”
“Oh.” Out of every answer Toni's expecting, that's not one of them, so she can't help but be a little taken aback. "Whatever, Blossom, let's just talk then."
Toni tells herself that if she is paying for those milkshakes, she's not gonna waste a single sip of it. And if she has to sit down and talk to Cheryl Blossom for that to happen, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
And to her own surprise, and her rational thinking's demise, after 30 minutes of conversation and half a melted milkshake that she most definitely won't let go to waste either way, Toni finds it that she doesn't dislike Cheryl Blossom as much as she hoped she would. Which means leaving that diner and never talking to the girl again will prove to be more difficult than she thought it would.
(And the fact that they've exchanged numbers per Cheryl's request doesn't help at all.)
-
eleven
Toni is laying in bed when she receives the text. She curses whoever it is disturbing her peaceful rest, before she looks at the screen and sees who’s texting her.
Cheryl Blossom. With a simple question:
‘Pop's in five?'
And Toni has her reasons to say no. She really does. First one being the fact that it’s the first night in weeks her uncle’s out of town and she doesn’t have to stay up late hanging out at the Wyrm before sneaking back into her trailer - her uncle’s trailer -. All she wants is some peace and quiet, an early night of sleep and a nice breakfast in the morning.
Second reason is, obviously, the stupid number eleven she’ll sure find above Cheryl’s head. And she’s already cheated her ‘system' once, when she decided to meet Cheryl at Pop’s the day before, one day after the party, and she promised herself that was the last time they would meet.
As she unlocks the phone to decline the request, however, Cheryl’s eyes suddenly appear in her mind. Those intriguing void eyes that, for some reason, draw Toni in.
Five minutes later, she’s parking her bike at Pop’s.
“It's a school night.” She says, as soon as she meets the redhead inside.
“It's not even ten o’clock.” Cheryl looks at her with a raised eyebrow. She’s already sitting at the table with the menu in her hands.
And no, the number eleven above her head hasn’t magically disappeared, as Toni hoped it would.
It, however, for some inexplicable reason, almost looks less opaque than it did the day before. Because Toni could almost see through it, and that’s not something that usually happens.
“Don't you need your beauty sleep or something like that?” Toni sits down, despite all her instincts telling her to turn around and leave.
(If she walks away from Cheryl Blossom now, it will only hurt a little eleven days later.)
“Unfortunately, it’s not something I’m able to achieve at Thistlehouse at the moment.” Before Toni could ask any further, though, the redhead asks. “What are you ordering? It’s my treat.”
So Toni orders a burger - no fries or drinks, she doesn’t want to impose -, and Cheryl orders pancakes - “I love brunches.” “It's nighttime.” “Your point being…?” - and two milkshakes - strawberry with a cherry on top and vanilla -.
The diner’s not that full, so their food comes earlier than expected, when Toni is in the middle of telling Cheryl a story about her first time riding a motorcycle, that ended being her last for at least seven weeks. She was thirteen and had to wear a cast for a long time.
“So, you’re telling me you hurt your leg after you hit the school wall?” Cheryl asks, amused, while Pop places the order on the table with a smile.
“Technically, my leg was fine when I hit the wall.” Toni says, accepting the vanilla milkshake Cheryl slides in front of her. “It was when I tried to hop off that I tripped over and fell, then comes the injury.”
Cheryl tries her best to hold back her laughter, Toni can see. But in the end, she fails. And, although Toni shouldn’t really be laughing along with her, she can’t help herself either.
Cheryl’s laughter is the most joyful sound Toni’s ever heard. And if she has to keep telling Cheryl stories about her misadventures to keep hearing that, she’s not mad about it.
“You're clumsy, Toni Topaz.” Cheryl says with a smile, before taking a sip of her milkshake.
And it’s right then that Toni knows that’s not gonna be the last time she sees Cheryl either.
(It should be, but it won’t.)
“So, you’ve been a Serpent ever since you’re thirteen?”
Toni nods, her mouth still full to properly answer the question. Cheryl waits for her to say more, though.
“I'm actually a Serpent by blood, so I guess I’ve always been one.” She says. The Serpents are all she’s ever known ever since she can remember. The gang and those godforsaken numbers have always been her company.
“So your parents are also serpents?”
“Were.” Toni corrects, and she’s not that mindful of how that answer makes Cheryl look down in guilt for asking. “They're dead.”
It’s not really a touchy subject for her, if Toni’s being honest, so she’s not sure why the air around them seems heavier as Cheryl mutters a “I'm sorry”. Toni’s had her time to deal with their death, with the grief and the sadness. Did she do it in a healthy way? Probably not. Is she up to reliving that feeling just so she can do it properly? Absolutely not.
(That’s the reason why she started avoiding people as soon as she sees the numbers above their heads.
(That’s also the reason why she should stay away from Cheryl Blossom.))
“My grandpa's super nice.” She says, just so she can clear the air and show the other girl it’s all good. “He's one of the founders of the gang.”
Cheryl smiles and, when she’s about to say something, loud laughs come from the bar stools. Riverdale High students. Cheerleading uniforms. Looking at Cheryl and Toni as if they were two attractions at a museum. Seriously, they don’t even try to hide as they stare at both girls in disdain and cover their mouths so they can whisper things to each other and giggle.
Toni wonders if she’ll ever be able to have a meal at that place in peace, without the looks of snobbish arrogant Northsiders. She thinks about walking up to those girls to give them a piece of mind, pulling off the scary gang member persona everyone expects of her.
It’s not worth ruining her dinner with Cheryl, is it? At the end of the night, they’re only narrow minded prejudiced people who’ve never known better. And probably never will, if they keep up that ridiculous act.
“Don't mind them, TT.” Cheryl’s voice pulls her out other thoughts and she stops staring at the three girls in cheerleading uniforms to look at the redhead in front of her, who happens to be staring at the same cheerleaders with those empty eyes Toni’s known for three days now. “It's not really you."
Also, Toni doesn’t know where the ‘TT' comes from, or that they were even on a nickname basis already, she finds it she doesn’t really mind. Not coming out of Cheryl’s mouth anyways.
“I can hardly believe they have a problem with their head cheerleader and not with a Southside Serpent being around.”
“I can. Trust me, it’s not you.”
If that statement breaks Toni’s heart a little, she can’t do much other than offer the girl a sad smile and a shake of head.
“They're stupid.” She says.
Cheryl shrugs, but rolls her eyes in distaste as she says loudly, for everyone to hear. “That they absolutely are. We didn’t even have practice today and they’re wearing their uniforms around like middle schoolers.”
Safe to say the three girls collect their stuff with their heads hanging low and leave them alone, heading towards the back of the diner.
-
ten
“When was it that you broke your nose?” Cheryl asks, all of a sudden.
They’re watching a movie. Well, Toni’s watching a movie, and Cheryl’s apparently focused on the details of the Serpent’s face. Toni contemplates telling her off, she’s not even supposed to be there.
When Cheryl called that afternoon, Toni used the fact that she wasn’t feeling well as an excuse not to meet the girl. She was determined to cut all contact with her, and decided to follow her rational thinking, before she became too attached.
(And from the looks of it, it’s happening on a faster rate than she’s expected.)
So Toni lied and said she wasn’t okay to leave the house that day, and told Cheryl she’d call her when she was feeling better. Needless to say, she didn’t count on Cheryl to offer her company right away, along with some homemade pastries and soup.
And even though Toni rejected the idea, Cheryl still somehow showed up, with a smile on her face, pastries in a basket and a number ten above her head.
“I was eight.” She answers with a sigh, after looking at the girl to tell her off but seeing the expectant and curious look on her face, as if everything Toni does is completely interesting. “My uncle decided it was a good idea to let me try going down the slide on my knees.”
Cheryl scrunches up her nose, and Toni knows she’s trying to hold back a chuckle.
(And if it scares her a little that she already knows Cheryl a bit too well, she ignores that.)
“Not the smartest idea.” The redhead offers, to which Toni replies with a scoff. “Your uncle should have known better.”
“He would have to care enough to warn me.” Toni says, not quite registering her own comment at first, then cursing herself for it.
It is absolutely not on her guidebook to open up to someone she’s just met, let alone someone she just met who’s going to live for less than two weeks. Someone she’s trying to distance herself from even.
Part of her feels like it’s slightly pointless to talk about her family struggles with the daughter of the most influential family in Riverdale. Toni fears Cheryl will not be able to relate to her situation.
The redhead gives her a sad and understanding look that shows Toni she relates all too well.
It then occurs to her that Cheryl’s father did kill his own son. So no matter how rich and influential the Blossoms are, their family is not ideal either.
“I dislike him already.” Cheryl says, a final tone in her voice. Toni doesn’t tell Cheryl that disliking her uncle is a waste of energy, she knows that because she’s been doing that ever since she can remember, so she just smiles instead.
“I appreciate your support, Cher.”
Cheryl smiles and Toni looks back at the TV once again.
“What about the small scar on your eyebrow?” It’s not even two minutes later that Toni hears the question coming out of Cheryl’s mouth. She seems just as interested as she was before.
Toni debates over not answering her, on ignoring that question and focusing on the movie. Part of her, however, can’t stop herself from feeling something different about the fact that Cheryl wants to know all those things. Her interest intrigues Toni, in a good way. In a dangerous way, given the girl’s circumstances and the number ten above her head.
“I was five years old.” She answers, realizing she can’t bring herself to be the one to turn those curious eyes empty again. “I was playing hide and seek with some kids from the trailer park when I hit my head onto the corner of a trailer.”
“Ouch.” It’s what Cheryl offers, her expression as if she’s feeling the pain.
“Ouch indeed.” Toni smiles, remembering the good that came with that accident. “Sweet Pea found me crying and carried me home, even though he wasn’t as taller than me as he is now. That’s how we met.”
Cheryl hums, and Toni knows something else is coming, probably a question, as she waits in silence. The redhead looks down at her hands as they fidget with her blanket, and Toni hears, in a small voice.
“Sweet Pea.. is… your boyfriend?”
Toni almost laughs, but she sees Cheryl’s posture, and realizes the girl is serious. She even looks nervous about the upcoming answer. So Toni only shakes her head.
“My best friend, only.” She says, noticing the way Cheryl looks back up, seemingly less worried or nervous. “Besides” Toni grins, offering Cheryl a wink. “I’m more into girls anyways.”
Cheryl’s cheeks flush red as she widens her eyes and nods. Toni tried once again not to laugh at that reaction, out of respect, obviously. But she does wonder how Cheryl hasn’t caught on to that already. Toni is not that subtle, and was less than that when she offered to buy Cheryl a drink the first time they met.
“What about you, Blossom? Any childhood battle wounds?”
Toni pretty much doubts Cheryl will have any, imagining how the girl must have grown up surrounded by people watching her every step so she didn’t even scrape her knee when playing outside. But she asks anyways, so Cheryl doesn’t feel like Toni’s the least interested between them. Now that they’ve started, there’s no use in stopping. Even if Toni knows it’s not a good idea.
Cheryl shrugs. “It’s stupid.” She says.
“I broke my nose trying to go down a slide on my knees, Bombshell. How stupid can it be?”
Cheryl giggles in a way Toni is sure she’ll never forget, then turns her back to Toni, moving all her red hair to her right shoulder. Toni squints her eyes, but sees nothing visible, unsure of what she’s even looking for.
“Can you see?” Cheryl asks, her back turned to Toni.
“Not really.”
“Right here.” Cheryl points to a spot behind her ear, and Toni sees a scar, not that big, and not that visible but one that shows Cheryl’d needed stitches.
“What happened?” As the question leaves her mouth, Toni has to stop herself from reaching out and touching the small scar. The fact that Cheryl turns around right then to stare back at her also helps.
“Summer camp.” She says. “JayJay and I managed to convince our parents to let us stay together in one of the rooms. Then I thought I was big and mature enough to sleep at the top bunk bed.”
“Guess you weren’t.” Toni finishes, a small smile on her face as Cheryl nods.
“Guess I wasn’t.” She sighs, and Toni sweats she can feel the pain in her own heart when Cheryl’s eyes become those sad ones she sees when they first meet every day. “JayJay was just… I think he felt the pain more than I did. I could see how desperate he was when they were taking me to the hospital.”
Toni thinks about a young Cheryl, demanding to sleep on the top bunk, then a crying Cheryl, being carried away to the hospital. She tries but fails to conceal the image of a worried Jason by her side. Because it’s too much. Thinking about that bond her king helped destroy just gives her one more reason to push Cheryl away.
“He didn’t really…”
“Cheryl.” Toni stops her right then.
Because she just can’t. She wants to be there for her, but Toni just can’t.
The Serpents are her family. And she can’t bring herself to a place where she’ll be against the people who did nothing but support her. No matter how disgustingly awful FP’s actions had been.
And part of her feels - no, part of her knows - that, for some godly reason, Cheryl doesn’t care for her affiliations, or even blames her for what happened to Jason whatsoever. It doesn’t mean she’ll forgive herself for betraying her own, even if for a small second, even if only in her head, especially because of someone who’s not living long enough to see the better future she intends to bring for the Serpents.
“Yes, Toni?” Cheryl doesn’t seem to mind being interrupted, she almost looks thankful for it.
Any trace of gratitude leaves her face as Toni says her next words.
“You need to leave.”
For a moment, it’s silent, both girls staring into each others’ eyes. As if trying to read minds. Cheryl breaks the silence, despite how small her voice sounds.
“If this is about JayJay and the Serpents…”
“It’s not.”
It really isn’t, or it’s more than that. It’s not about Jason and the Serpents as much as it is about Toni and Cheryl. And Cheryl’s impending death, and how much Toni longs to be around her despite that, how much Toni likes to talk about everything and anything. It’s about how Toni feels like she wants to spend more time with her, and the fact that Cheryl has barely any time left.
“It’s you, Cheryl. I don’t even know why you’re here!”
“I like talking to you, Toni. It’s the only time I feel like my real self lately. And I was under the impression you didn’t feel very different.” The redhead, then, stands up from her place on the couch, looking down at her own feet and muttering. “I apologize for my mistake.”
Cheryl’s not wrong though. And it pains Toni that she’s made the girl question herself and her perception, that is absolutely the furthest thing from a mistake.
(It’s exactly the reason why Toni’s pushing her away.)
She decides, then, she can’t just let Cheryl go thinking their interactions have been one sided. She can’t let her go thinking she’s had no real connection with anyone other than her brother. Especially since her connection to Toni is pretty real. And Toni knows it all all too well.
“Cheryl, wait!” Toni realizes she’s the one to make a mistake right then, because she’s about to get what she wants - that being Cheryl away from her so she doesn’t feel the pain ten days later -, but she stops it from happening. "Stay."
The hope Toni sees in Cheryl’s eyes when she stops her from leaving, though, probably makes that mistake worth it. She can see Cheryl doesn’t want to stay away, just as much as Toni doesn’t want them to be closer, to get attached.
It’s ridiculous, she thinks, how one simple look can make Toni regret her harsh and sudden decision to approach Cheryl three nights ago.
(Because now she knows how hard it will be to let those eyes go. go .)
-
nine
Cheryl’s never happy, Toni notices. She does smile more than she did when they first met.
(Which, Toni has to always remind herself, happened only four days prior.)
So yes, she smiles more, and that’s a good thing. Not ideal, but better than nothing.
They walk along SweetWater River’s shore that day, telling stories about their childhood. Their different upbringing Toni knows Cheryl’s not rubbing in her face. The redhead talks about her brother, about how they used to sneak out of Thornhill to go play in the forest, or just dip their feet in the cold river, sitting by its shore and talking the night away.
Toni talks about her grandfather, about how he used to take her there to tell stories and encourage her connection with nature - he’d even made her talk to a tree once -. She also mentioned her father, or what she could remember of him. Her best memory being of both of them, picking rocks from the river shore and taking them back home to paint them.
“I used to name them and everything.” She says, a fond smile on her face. She looks at the girl by her side and notices she’s doing the same. “Pets are not compatible with the trailer life, or at least not with our trailer life, so rocks were the next best option.”
“Are you positive you couldn’t have had a fish?” Cheryl teases, bumping softly into Toni’s frame, making her laugh.
“I probably could have, Bombshell.” Another thing she’s learned was that nickname and ever since that discovery, Toni’s throwing it in every opportunity. Mostly because she likes the way Cheryl rolls her eyes in feign annoyance. “But what can be cooler than pet rocks, hand picked and home painted?”
“An actual living being?”
Hearing that, Toni can’t help but lean down near the river shore and splash some water towards Cheryl, who lets out a loud squeal and runs away. Toni laughs and starts running after her, hearing the sound of the other girl’s giggles.
Cheryl’s not that fast, though, so Toni is quick to reach her in a back hug, earning another squeal from the girl. And if Toni lingers in that hug for a bit longer, well, Cheryl’s the one with her arms on top of Toni’s, stopping her from letting go.
(She doesn’t want to, anyways.)
“Don’t you dare invalidate Elvis and Janis’ existence like that.” Toni says, when they’re both brave enough to let go of the hug and face each other.
Cheryl crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow, with a defiant smile on her face. Typical Cheryl Blossom, from what Toni’s learned.
“Or what?” She asks, and it’s easy to understand where the conversation is going, the implications of that simple question.
It’s easy for Toni to get lost in Cheryl’s eyes - that seem to be a little less void lately - and forget about everything.
It should be easy for her to give in at that moment, knowing both of them are on the same page. But Toni makes the mistake of looking up, facing what those drawing brown eyes make her forget.
The number nine floating like a cloud above Cheryl’s head - for some reason less opaque than the days before -, tauntingly, mocking her. A strong reminder that her system’s long forgotten.
(And she’ll have to try harder if she wants to avoid any pain.)
So Toni tries to ignore Cheryl’s crushed expression when she simply looks back to the path they came from and says they should head back.
“It's getting late, indeed.” Cheryl tries to mask her feelings with a chipper tone. But Toni sees right through it. It’s not like she’s not feeling the same. “We wouldn’t want to be around here when it’s dark.”
“You would know, wouldn’t you, Miss Sneaking Out to Explore the Forest at Night Time?” Toni teases.
And the smile Cheryl gives her, shows Toni they’re good. Not ideal, but better than nothing.
-
eight
Toni doesn't really have a home.
She isn't homeless, according to the system and the social worker that comes to check on her once every two months or so. So technically, according to them, she has a house. Her uncle’s trailer.
But having a house and having a home is not really the same thing. Not to her, at least.
Toni thinks Cheryl has one. That must have been the reason she finds herself parking her bike near Thistlehouse at 3AM after a terrible encounter gone wrong with some Ghoulies near the Whyte Wyrm.
Toni has never been there before, never really had a reason to, given she only knows the girl who lives there for less than a week, but no one in Riverdale can forget or pretend not to know that address.
It doesn't really go through her mind how she's going to get in there - she climbs the gates - and how she's supposed to know where Cheryl’s room is.
It's surely her lucky night - not really - because there is only one room with dim lights on. And she has a feeling that Penelope Blossom isn't the type of person to stay awake that late at night.
Toni climbs some tree branches to get to the window that she hopes belong to Cheryl’s bedroom. And she's right, she notices as soon as she reaches the balcony, that really is Cheryl’s bedroom. But she is also wrong, she realizes as she enters the bedroom silently, hearing noises coming from another part of the house - apparently Penelope Blossom might be the type to stay awake that late at night -, and sees the redhead wearing headphones, staring blankly at the ceiling of the bedroom.
It turns out Cheryl only has a house as well.
To say Toni tries not to scare the girl is an understatement. She’s never been so careful and silent in her entire life. Which is saying a lot, because she's in a gang. But of course that, for a someone who can barely sleep at night because of her nightmares - not that Toni really knows that -, any different shadows in her room when she is awake is a startling sight.
Cheryl’s first impulse is to scream, Toni sees when she locks her eyes with the girl. But something changes her mind, so she just flinches away instead of being loud.
“It’s me!” Toni whispers, she knows Cheryl is wearing headphones but that is the only thing that she thinks to be a good idea. She just stands there, not making any movements until Cheryl recognizes her and her features. It doesn't take that long.
“Toni?” Cheryl asks, placing her phone and its gadgets on the bedside table, then looking at the girl in front of her. “What are you doing here?”
“Came here to make your dreams come true, Bombshell.” The Serpent tries to joke, but as she laughs, she feels her left ribs hurt. “Ouch!” She winces, clutching her sides.
“What happened?” As soon as she sees Toni’s pained expression, Cheryl jumps out of bed and rushes to her side, helping her sit down.
“I’m so funny it hurts.” She tries to joke again, only to look at the taller girl’s face and see she isn't buying it. “We had a fight with some Ghoulies.” Toni says, and sees Cheryl run to the bathroom. For a moment, she thinks the other girl is going to throw up or something like that, but what she does is come back with a first-aid kit, making Toni smile.
For once she isn't going to have to patch herself up as she always does - The boys are usually in a worse condition than her to help -. Unless Cheryl can't stand blood, which is still a possibility. But when Cheryl starts tending her visible cuts and bruises, the wounded girl realizes she is just stereotyping Cheryl Blossom too much, and that is probably what usually drives people away from her.
Cheryl is careful, her touches are gentle yet helpful, and the way she takes care of Toni makes her think that that might not be the first time she does that.
For a moment, both girls forget about the noises coming from outside of the bedroom, Cheryl too focused on her job as a nurse and Toni too focused on Cheryl’s touch. You can say they were in a comfortable silence, only it isn't that silent.
“I-“ Both say at the same time. They stop at the same time as well.
“Go on.” Toni encourages.
“Your...” Cheryl starts. Is she blushing? “Your ribs.”
“Oh!” Realizing what the girl means, Toni looks at her and grins. “Trying to get my clothes off, already, Bombshell? Not even gonna take me on a fancy date?”
“So funny, Topaz.” The blush comes back to the redhead’s face, even though she tries to play it off by rolling her eyes.
“They usually say I am, indeed.” Toni chuckles while taking her jacket off, carefully not to move her sides much.
“But don’t forget you’re the one who showed up in my room at what? 3 AM?” As the Serpent gets rid of the jacket, Cheryl holds the hem of her T-shirt, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take it off by herself. "And you were the one to buy me a milkshake at Pop's only, what?, twelve hours after we first met."
“I would say we’re both eager, then.” Toni answers with a grin, despite her pain, helping Cheryl take her t-shirt off.
“You wish.”
But if Toni believes for a moment that Cheryl is not interested, her doubts are quickly wiped away as the redhead’s eyes stare at her shirtless body for far too long. And Toni's sure Cheryl isn't checking her injuries, she's checking her out.
“You should close your mouth, you’re starting to drool.” The redhead’s eyes quickly dart to the kit she was holding as she pretends she's looking for something inside.
“Are you always that witty at this time of the night or is that attitude reserved just for me?” Cheryl doesn't even bother to look at her, quickly grabbing the ointments from the first aid kit to help tend the bruises on her left ribs.
“I have a lot of things reserved just for you, Bombshell.” Toni wiggles her eyebrows, even if the other girl can't see her face, too focused on the injuries.
“How thoughtful." Cheryl answers, dryly. "Like awful jokes, I suppose.”
“Hey, my jokes are amazing! All the boys at the bar-“ Toni starts, stopping as soon as she feels gentle fingertips tracing her left side. Her tattoo.
“So that’s where it is.” The pink haired girl is almost sure she isn't supposed to hear that, given the way that it's muttered, and how she startles Cheryl when she says:
“So you’ve been thinking about my body, uh?”
Cheryl takes her hands off Toni’s sides and looks down. Maybe Toni misses the touch, or maybe she doesn't want the other girl to feel uncomfortable around her, but, as soon as the pink haired girl can't feel her fingers on her skin anymore, she quickly grabs the girl’s hand and puts it back there. Letting her trace the tattoo as much as she wants.
“I got it when I was thirteen, as you must imagine." Toni feels the need to explain. Day by day, she's starting to get to know Cheryl Blossom more, and day by day, she's opening up as well. "As soon as I was allowed to join the gang and completed all the steps for the initiation. It's been my dream to have that on my skin ever since I can remember."
The redhead hums in appreciation, admiring the tattooist work. "It fits you." And if the pink haired girl feels goosebumps as Cheryl leans closer to look at it, she hopes it goes unnoticed. "It represents you quite well, when you look at it closely."
“A wise and quick witted Serpent that breaks into pretty girls’ rooms in the middle of the night?” Toni asks, caressing Cheryl's cheeks, urging the girl's face upwards, away from the tattoo, closer to her face.
“I would say 'a delicate but fierce and impressive lady'. But since you called me pretty...”
When both their faces are close enough so their noses almost touch, Toni's sure of what's about to happen, and she chooses to ignore that part of her brain telling her to back off. Just as she's chosen to ignore the number eight lingering above the girl's head all night.
Sometimes she even forgets it's there. Sometimes it even looks like it isn't.
(Wrong move, Topaz. Day one is gonna hurt like a bitch.)
Toni notices Cheryl breath hitches every inch they get closer, and she's about to lean forward and finally capture the girl's lips with her own when they hear the front door close. Loudly. As if it weren't three in the morning.
Cheryl sighs. "Guess Mumsy is not pleased with this one." Toni opens her mouth to question that statement, after much contemplation, but is cut off by the redhead.
"Do you usually sleep on the right or the left side of the bed?" She asks, and when Toni gives her an inquisitive look, she says. "You're sleeping over, obvi. I need to make sure you're okay before you can go back to… your own accommodations."
Of course that's not really the first expression that goes through Cheryl's mind when she thinks about where Toni is from, but the Serpent is glad she manages to stop herself from saying something too offensive. Even if Toni herself hates the trailer she lives in.
As for the side of the bed, Toni mentions she's usually just too glad to have a roof above her head and a pillow under it to be picky. She also says something about that being the biggest bed she's ever seen, and most of the time she usually sleeps in twin beds. To those statements, Cheryl scrunches up her nose, but comments nothing, choosing to only tell her to pick a side instead.
Toni picks the right one, and Cheryl showers her with choices of pillows, blankets and nightgowns. As if she's actually going to be able to sleep that night, lying next to the most gorgeous girl she's ever met.
(Who happens to only have eight days to live.)
-
seven
Surprisingly, Toni manages to sleep that night. Surprisingly, the girl by her side is not awake yet. The only thing up and mockingly seems to be that annoying number seven above her head.
(If Toni squints her eyes, she can even try and pretend it's not there. The lighting in the bedroom is making it barely visible anyways.)
Toni briefly wonders how it is that the numbers change. Is it when the person is asleep? Is it at the exact time of their death? Is it every morning, as the sun rises? If she pulls an all nighter, will she be able to see the number seven slowly shaping into a six?
Before she can think too hard about it, however, she hears Cheryl sighing in content, and sees the girl’s mouth changing into a smile as she, still asleep, turns herself towards Toni. Their faces, once again, only inches apart.
Now that the rays of sunshine burst through the windows, Toni can spot the little details she missed the night before, or misses every time the redhead wears makeup. Long red hair covers the side of Cheryl’s face, yet Toni can see how beautiful she looks, how lovely that little smile is, how adorable those freckles are, adorning her beautiful complex.
But Toni can also see the dark circles under the girl’s eyes that are probably always heavily concealed when she’s in public. She asks herself what is keeping Cheryl awake at night, or at least from having a decent night of sleep. She supposes the dead brother/ murderer suicidal father situation can be one of the reasons.
Still, Toni feels the urge to fight Cheryl Blossom’s demons away with her bare hands.
It’s not like she can actually do it, though, so the pink haired girl just caresses her cheek and gently moves the strand of red hair away from her face. Cheryl’s eyes slowly open, and that small smile turns into a bigger one when she locks them with Toni’s.
“Good morning.” She says, in a raspy voice that brings butterflies to Toni’s stomach.
“Morning.” Their eyes don’t really leave each others’, and no sudden move is made for them to pull apart. Or closer, for all that matters.
(Is it still too early for Toni to ignore that stupid number seven?)
“Would you like to stay for breakfast?”
Toni ends up staying more than just ‘for breakfast’ - which Cheryl brings her in bed, by the way, so that they can avoid her mother -. She also stays for lunch, and the whole afternoon as well. And they talk about anything and everything.
“Gosh, TT, I can’t believe you’ve never watched this iconic movie.” Cheryl grabs her remote control from the desk and sits back on her bed, patting the right side of the bed for Toni to do the same.
“I grew up in a gang, remember? That wasn’t really the first choice of things to do for us.”
“You did watch Mean Girls, though.” Cheryl says, finding Miss Congeniality on the TV and pressing play.
“That was Fangs’ doing.” Toni answers, rolling her eyes as she remembers the day they watched it and how fun it was.
“At least one of you has a good understanding of the best and most iconic entertainment nowadays…” Cheryl points out before the movie finally starts.
Fifteen minutes into the movie, Toni already has her head on a pillow as she lies on her back, feeling the comfort of that bed she is already getting used to. Cheryl, on the other hand, chooses to lay on her side, her body turned towards Toni but her eyes staring at the TV in front of them. Their hands are placed side by side on the bed, but none of them makes a move to change that.
Thirty minutes into the movie, Cheryl brings her pinky closer to Toni’s until they touch, looking straight to the screen, and not at their hands. A fond smile finds its way to Toni's face when she notices that slight movement, and she can't help but turn the palm of her hand up and lace her all her fingers with the redhead's.
She hears Cheryl letting out a happy sigh, but she doesn't really take her eyes off the screen - because she'll never really admit it, but the movie is actually really good - to squeeze the redhead's hand tighter as a show of understanding.
(Whatever comfort Toni is getting from that simple gesture, she's glad to know Cheryl's getting as well.)
They lay there, hands in each others', too close to be deemed 'just friends' by whoever sees them, until the credits roll on the screen and Toni has to look at the grinning girl by her side to say - in the most bored tone she can fake - that the move is not actually that bad. And that statement makes Cheryl's grin turn into a big smile, slightly happy, slightly mocking.
Then, a knock on the front door makes Cheryl’s smile disappear as she urges a confused Toni out of Thistlehouse.
-
six
“Found any pet rocks?” Cheryl finds her by the river shore the next day.
Toni is pulled out of her thoughts by the voice she’s learned to cherish - and, dare she say, craved to hear - these last few days.
She’s been sitting there for heaven knows how long, watching the river flow, thinking about her grandfather and all he’s taught her; her parents and the unconditional love they surely had for her, despite the short amount of time she’s had with them; and Cheryl, those eyes that caught Toni’s attention from day one, that true Cheryl smile that Toni longs to see ever since Cheryl flashed it the first time, and her inevitable fate that will bring Toni nothing but heartbreak in six days.
It’s not fair, she thinks, how she knows something bad is going to happen but doesn’t know how, so there’s no way to stop it. And she sees the pain in Cheryl, she sees the HBIC persona everyone fears, she also sees a girl that’s lost something - someone - so dear to her that she can hardly let anyone in.
(She’s let Toni in, and it wasn’t even that hard, though.
(That can only mean people don’t even try. And it breaks Toni’s heart.))
She doesn’t see sickness, though. Or a crippling and destructive drug addiction. No gang affiliations, either, which means gang wars will not be Cheryl’s downfall. And it frustrates Toni, because she wants to save her, but it’s hard to save someone when you don’t know what threatens them.
One of her grandfather’s lessons had been: when it’s time, it’s time. Which basically means there’s no way to escape fate.
(It’s the first time since he’d said those words that Toni wonders: what if? what if it’s not actually time? or the countdown is wrong? what if she can protect Cheryl?)
“Toni?” Cheryl calls, approaching the pink haired girl who’s trying to wipe those stupid stubborn tears that are falling.
“No pet rocks today, Bombshell.” She sniffs, looking down at the river, not sparing the redhead a glance. Toni wouldn’t stand to see that number six above her head. “Can’t make Janis and Elvis jealous by bringing someone else to the household.”
Cheryl laughs and Toni wishes she didn’t. The mere thought of hearing that melody again brings tears to her eyes. And she knows that shouldn’t happen, she knows she’s the one who got herself into this mess by approaching Cheryl at that party knowing full well what the number thirteen above her head meant.
Even if she doesn’t regret it, she never really expected to get attached so easily.
(It’s like Cheryl is the perfect match for her.
(And yet, Toni’s gonna lose her too soon.))
“That’s a shame.” Cheryl says, now by her side, carefully taking a seat close to her.
(Too close.)
Cheryl opens her hand and Toni stares at a small rock on the palm of her hand. A smile makes its way to her face along with the tears that brim in her eyes.
“Ringo is dying to meet them.” She says, shaking her hand and flipping the rock around. And Toni can spot two dots and a line delicately painted on it, like a little smiley face.
That makes Toni laugh, despite the few tears that fall from her eyes. Her heart aches because she loves that gesture so much it hurts, and she laughs because the whole idea is kinda funny. Cheryl makes it seem like the most amazing gesture ever, even if it’s so simple.
(Toni wonders if it’s the gesture itself or if it’s Cheryl that makes it so special.
(She knows the answer. And it hurts even more.))
“I’m sorry.” Cheryl says, after seeing the tears in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Oh my god this rock thing is so meaningful to you. I didn’t mean to ruin a memory of you and your father, I just…”
“Cheryl!” Toni needs to look up at her to stop all that rambling. Of course the number six is there - she’s not even counting on it to disappear anymore -.
(‘When it’s time, it’s time, Antoinette.')
“You didn’t ruin anything.” She says, focusing on the way Cheryl’s eyes melt when they meet hers, rather than the number above her head. “If anything, you made it even more special.”
Cheryl visibly relaxes, but her eyebrows furrow in confusion as Toni picks the rock up from her hands and examines it. “Then why are you crying?”
And it’s not like Toni can answer that with ‘Cause you’re gonna die in less than a week’, is it? So she shrugs, still focusing on the pet rock Cheryl just gave her.
“I’m just sensitive today, I guess.” She says, as she lowers her head and rests it on Cheryl’s shoulder.
By then, she’s resigned. It’s not like she can do anything to stop herself from feeling the pain she’ll surely feel in a few days anyways, so why not enjoy Cheryl’s presence as much as she can?
Toni tells herself she can take it. The pain, the grief, the despair. She thinks about that like a mantra, that way she can convince herself.
“I can relate to that.” Cheryl moves closer, her arm quickly wraps around Toni’s body to bring her closer as well.
At least Toni knows they both relish in each others’ presence the same way.
Toni closes her eyes and inhales Cheryl’s scent. Having their bodies so close brings her the peace she’s been looking for, so she can’t really stand to let her go.
The sound of the river is the only thing they hear, there’s no need for words.
(They just know.)
“I thought you’d smell like cherries.” Toni is the first to break the silence, and by the way she feels Cheryl’s body trembling in laughter, she knows that statement sounds as dumb as she realizes it is when the words leave her mouth.
“And I thought you’d smell like bubblegum.” Cheryl says, and Toni can’t really see, but she knows the redhead is smiling. “But here we are.”
“Here we are.” Toni mutters, and if it’s possible to move even closer, she does then. Her face buried on the crook of Cheryl’s neck and her arm loosely rested on the girl’s stomach.
Maybe if they stay like that for the next week, no bad will come to Cheryl, and everything will be alright.
(‘When it’s time, it’s time, Antoinette.’)
“Thanks, Cheryl.”
“It’s just a small rock, Toni.”
(They both know it isn’t.)
“I would like to apologize for the way I rushed you out of my house yesterday.” Cheryl says after a while.
“No worries, Bombshell. I’m sure you have your reasons.”
And Toni strongly suspects those reasons are all related to what she heard the night she slept over - and she thanks heavens she only heard and didn’t see anything -. And if Cheryl doesn’t want to disclose that to someone she’s just met, it’s not like Toni can blame her.
And it’s not like it changes in any way what Toni feels for her.
“How did you know where to find me?” She asks, because it’s not like she’s used to informing people of her whereabouts.
“Lucky guess, I think.” Cheryl says, and Toni feels her shrug. “I also come here when I need to think.”
“And how did you know I needed to think?”
“Because I needed the same.”
And the answer comes so simply out of Cheryl’s mouth that Toni doesn’t even question it. There’s nothing to question anyway, things with them are just simple like that.
(Except for the fact that Cheryl’s dying in six days and Toni knows that.)
Once again, Toni tells herself she can take it.
"It's never really complicated, is it?" She asks, letting out a small laugh to cover up the shakiness in her voice.
"Not with you, Toni Topaz." Cheryl replies, despite part of Toni wishing she doesn't.
"I could say the same about you, Cheryl Blossom." Toni raises her head to say that, staring right into those brown orbs she's become so fond of for the past few days. She's become fond of many other things about Cheryl these past few days.
She realizes their faces are just too close when the redhead moves forward and their noses almost touch. There's no one to interrupt them, however, for some reason, none of the girls manages to simply close the distance for a while.
That's when Toni realizes Cheryl must be just as scared as she is. For different reasons, probably, but scared nonetheless.
Still, Toni can't bring herself to do anything but place her forehead against Cheryl's, feeling the other girl's breath hitch. She also feels the redhead inhale deeply, before leaning forward.
Then all Toni can feel is soft lips on hers.
It's hesitant, and delicate, and quick. But it's enough for Toni to want more, for her to want to be with Cheryl forever after that small kiss.
(Only their 'forever' won't take that long.)
"I wasn't all wrong." Cheryl says with a shy smile, as they both pull away. "You do taste like bubblegum."
Toni's first instinct is to laugh along with her, but as soon as they both stop laughing and just smile at each other, she stares at that beautiful girl in front of her and Toni's met with a pain in her chest so strong that the tears she thought she had already shed enough are back in her eyes. Because now that she's shared with Cheryl such a special moment, there's no way she can avoid how painful it will be in a week, when she has to learn how to live without that smile, that scent, that taste.
And all the strength Toni's thought she'd have to deal with not having Cheryl by her side suddenly disappear, leaving her as a weak desperate young girl.
(A weak desperate young girl that can most definitely not take the weight of someone as important for her as Cheryl leaving her forever.)
Turns out she just can't take it.
With that weakness and despair, she manages to stand up with shaky legs, take one last look at a confused and slightly hurt Cheryl Blossom, before turning her back and doing what she should have done on day twelve.
She runs away.
-
five
four
three
two
-
one
Toni is woken up from a long nap - twenty hours of sleep can barely be considered a nap - by a knock on the trailer door and, as if in autopilot, she stands up to answer it, feeling just as tired as she'd been before going to bed. Just as tired and hurt as she's been these past five days without Cheryl.
Part of her thinks she deserves that pain for being stupid enough and getting attached, despite every chance she's had to turn her back on Cheryl Blossom and walk away from her. Despite the knowledge she's had from day one - or day thirteen - of what happens as soon as the countdown ends, she chose to stay and that's entirely her fault.
It also doesn't help that she can't bring herself to regret all those moments she's spent with the redhead, and she definitely can't bring herself to regret their first kiss, no matter how much it hurts to know it was also their last. And Toni hates herself for that. Especially then, knowing what awaits Cheryl the next day.
She is almost able to picture the girl's beautiful frame surrounded by that dark gray cloud… And it's so painful she has to sit on the bed again to be able to breathe properly.
So Toni Topaz has not been doing very well for the past five days. And it's all because almost two weeks before she's decided to listen to her heart and not her brain.
She's also taken days off from work, which has caused Sweet Pea and Fangs to worry and come over when they heard the news - because it is common knowledge that Toni works harder than anyone else on that side of the tracks, in order to be able to afford her own housing the minute she turns eighteen -. When they came over, she told them she was really tired from studying so much, and, although they didn't seem to buy that excuse, considering how she's also missing school, the boys decided to let her be - visiting her at least once a day ever since then, "just in case you decide to tell us the truth" Sweet Pea had said, receiving a smack from Fangs, who had smiled and said "just in case you need us. we're here for you, Toni." -.
The boys' frequent visits are the reason why Toni's not surprised by the knocks on the door. She knows it's them. She's not sure what time it is, or when exactly they usually come, since she never bothers checking the clock lately, because all she thinks about is sleeping for as long as she can, and there's no need to worry about the time for that. But Fangs and Sweet Pea are the only people who have been over lately, so it's not like Jughead Jones is about to appear by her front door.
Toni has to blink a few times to make sure she's not hallucinating from too much sleep, and she even manages to pinch herself on the back of her hand just to make sure that's not a nightmare, when she opens the door and sees Cheryl Blossom standing right in front of her. Honestly, the pink haired girl's not prepared for that, so no one can really blame her when, in shock, she tries to close the door as soon as she realizes Cheryl is really there.
A pale hand stops her, not forcefully, but somehow imposing. And Toni's just too weak to fight it. And half of her still believes she's in some kind of dream where the redhead shows up and smiles brightly at her, so they kiss and live happily ever after.
(She looks at the number one above Cheryl's head and realizes that, even if what's happening is not true, that could only be a nightmare.)
However, Cheryl's not smiling. She's not crying either, despite all the signs showing that she has been, in the past. Toni, now completely aware that she's not dreaming, sees the emptiness, along with the unconcealed dark circles under her eyes - that Toni has of her own as well -, she also notices pain, a lot of it, hurt and resignation.
"Why?" Cheryl asks, almost in a whisper. She's looking at Toni and there are tears in her eyes, but the Serpent somehow knows she has her guard up and is probably not going to shed them that easily.
And it's hard to answer that question. Not because Toni doesn't know the answer, but because she's not sure how to do it. It's not like it's a simple reason, it's not like it's not going to hurt anyways, it's not like it's going to make a difference, since the number one above Cheryl's head hasn't magically disappeared - and, in fact, looks clearer and more visible than ever -. So just because Toni has the answer to that question, doesn't mean she can actually talk about it.
"I'm sorry." She replies, unable to even face the girl in front of her.
"You've said that before. When you left." It's not an accusation, but Toni feels the pain in her heart as if it were. And she knows Cheryl will probably be able to conceal her tears, but Toni won't be able to conceal hers. "I don't want your apology. I want to know why."
Toni is silent, which doesn't really stop Cheryl from, once again, demanding the truth.
"Just tell me why and I’ll leave you alone.” The way she sounds so resigned scares Toni a little, how broken she sounds and how Toni feels slightly responsible for that.
And once again, Toni regrets approaching her that day at the party. She feels like it did none of them good.
“All I want is an answer, Toni. Then I’ll leave. I promise."
And Toni has a feeling that she just can’t let her leave. She’s not sure why, something about the number one above her head, something about the way she looks so empty, something about the fact that now that she’s right there, Toni can’t just bring herself to let her go, knowing what’s going to happen the next day.
(Especially knowing what’s going to happen the next day.
(Even if she herself thinks she won't be able to deal with the pain. Even if she can't take it, despite trying to convince herself she could.))
Before she can break her silence, though, Cheryl shows Toni she's not as calm and collected as she's trying to appear.
"TELL ME WHY." It's begging, and pleading, and demanding, and impatient and hurt. But all Toni can see when she looks up is a lowered guard and pain all over her face.
"I LIKE YOU, CHERYL. LOVE YOU, EVEN." It's just as loud, hurt and pained, but now that Toni says it, she can't stop herself. "AND I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THE PAIN OF BEING WITHOUT YOU."
"I'M RIGHT HERE, TONI! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S WASTED ALL THIS TIME AVOIDING ME."
And Cheryl doesn't know how much it hurts to hear that, because she doesn't know what's about to come. But Toni knows, and ever since she's left Cheryl by the river's shore five days ago, she's been asking herself if that was the right choice.
(If it's going to hurt anyways, why not spend the rest of the days with Cheryl?
If the pain is unavoidable, why run away from it?)
There's no answer to that other than the fact that Toni's been holding onto the hope that these past few days away from Cheryl would make the pain more bearable when it's time. She knows it was in vain as soon as her eyes meet Cheryl's once again and the redhead lets her tears fall.
(There's no way only five days would be able to minimize all the feelings she's developed for that girl in such a short amount of time.)
"I'm right here, Toni." Cheryl repeats. "I just don't get it..."
Toni shakes her head, already regretting her next action as she moves forward and brings the redhead closer in a hug. She is immediately greeted by a sense of home she knows she needs, along with that softness that comes with every time Cheryl touches her and a quick response from the girl that wraps her arms around Toni's waist and holds her tight.
"I'm right here." Cheryl whispers once again, repeating it as if that's what the Serpent needs to hear. It is, somehow. It resonates like a mantra in Toni's head, even though her brain betrays her and doesn't seem quite convinced.
(She's right here. But tomorrow, she won't be.)
"You're right here." Toni says out loud, to silence that stupid thought and focus on Cheryl's presence.
"I'm right here. And I'd like to kiss you."
It's right then, hearing Cheryl's voice, asking for what both of them want but are just too scared after what happened that first time, that Toni decides.
She doesn’t care.
She’ll allow herself to feel the excruciating pain she knows it’s coming. She’d rather have Cheryl in her arms for one last day and suffer the consequences she’s gonna face with the inevitable loss than to never have had her. It’s not like it isn’t going to hurt like hell either way.
So she nods and lifts her head up, meeting Cheryl’s eyes in the process. Those beautiful eyes that she’s going to miss more than anything in the world.
She closes the distance between them, her mouth meeting Cheryl’s in an urgent kiss, as if they’ve known each other for years but have been separated for far too long.
(The way she feels so strongly for the redhead makes five days seem like far too long.)
Toni pulls away only long enough to let Cheryl inside her trailer, then once again, falls onto her arms and kisses her quickly once again. Her hands, then, rest on Cheryl’s cheeks, in order to wipe away the tears that keep falling. And Toni doesn’t realize she’s still crying until Cheryl lifts her own hands and does the same to her face, a sad smile on her face.
“It hurts.” It’s all Cheryl can say, to what Toni looks at her with soft sad eyes.
“I know.”
(Because she feels the same.)
"I don't want to know what's like to live without you either, Toni."
And Toni knows the situation is different. She knows there's no way Cheryl can understand what she's feeling at that moment, or how different it is from what the redhead might be feeling. Because Toni knows that Cheryl living a life without her is never going to happen, whereas Toni living a life without Cheryl will happen in less than two days.
She says nothing as she pulls the redhead's face closer and silences her with another kiss.
"Let's not think about it." She says, because that's exactly what she's trying to do, in order to seize the moment and not dwell on what's going to happen in the future.
(Tomorrow.)
"Okay." Cheryl nods, a smile on her face causing one to appear in Toni's as well.
All Toni can think about is how that smile makes everything worth it, and how she wishes she hadn't turned her back on Cheryl and ran away after their first kiss. She's not, however, going to regret any of her actions at the moment, she's just going to enjoy Cheryl's presence and probably hope for time to stop whenever she has to let her go. The pink haired girl laces their hands together, quickly pecking one of the redhead's cheeks, before squeezing the hand in hers and guiding the girl towards the bedroom.
And by each step they take, Toni can picture the number one above Cheryl's head turning less and less opaque until it fades completely. She knows it's just wishful thinking that's making her not see it as clearly, but nothing can stop her from dreaming.
('When it's time, it's time, Antoinette.')
-
but what if it isn't…
-
zero
Toni opens her eyes, prepared for what she might find in her arms. She was no stranger to death or its warnings. She notices when Cheryl wakes up and, with a smile, looks down at Toni lying on her chest. So Toni looks up as well.
There are no numbers above her head, or dark clouds around her frame, but Toni keeps her close just in case, her heart beating fast in a mix of comfort, relief and joy. And if Cheryl notices, she doesn’t mind, she just holds the pink haired girl closer, and Toni finds out the most wonderful sound she’s ever heard is the sound of the redhead’s heartbeat.
They spend the entire day in bed, where Toni hopes nothing can harm them. And if her heart beats a bit faster - in a bad way - and she has to close her hands in fists to keep them from trembling every time one of them has to stand up to use the bathroom or grab a glass of water, no one can really blame her.
She doesn’t really dwell on the fact that Cheryl had a number one above her head one day before and now she has nothing that shows something really bad is coming her way. She’s never dealt with that before, so the implications of that sudden change are not as clear for her.
Also, she’s too blinded by relief to think about it. They’ll talk about it someday. Just not at that moment.
At that moment, Toni Topaz is just content to have that beautiful redhead curled up by her side, watching that stupid movie on TV. And her heart beats fast in joy and, most of all relief, every time she looks at her.
(And she expects that feeling to fade with time, but it doesn’t.
It’s always there.
When she wakes up the next day to find the redhead still breathing by her side.
When she rides her bike to go pick her up at school the following week, and sees Cheryl Blossom walking down Riverdale High steps in all her glory.
When she asks the redhead to be her girlfriend and the girl accepts, with tears in her eyes.
Even when, years later, she sees the woman she loves propose to her, and she can’t help but nod and hug her close. That wonderful and relieving sound of Cheryl’s heartbeat bringing her happiness and comfort even then.)